Cheating Ex-Husband Left Me Us To Have Another Family Now Demands I Treat His Kids As My Own... AITA

[Music] a marie hall for telling my ex he can figure out his own damn gifts for his own kids and stop expecting free stuff from me i found out my ex was having an affair five years ago he left me for the other woman who he now has three kids with we have two together our daughter is 10 and our son is eight at first i did my best to try and put things in the past and think of the kids by being considerate when it came to their siblings and then they started expecting me to send more and more i'm talking not just something for christmas or birthdays but easter and whenever it gets my kids something big just because it was also the expectation that i would take them on fun trips with my kids that i would have them in my home and i just can't i hate my ex i hate this wife and i don't love their kids even as my kids siblings i don't hate them but i also don't want to be part of their lives might sound terrible but i just can't even with them being cute babies and toddlers there is just too much that went on with me and my ex it is a fair partner that i can't deal now x is claiming that this is hurting the kids i'm a spiteful witch that i owe it to our kids to be a better person etc and that it made the kids days to have gifts from someone other than mom and dad since his wife is a former foster kid and he was disowned by his family for cheating they're very religious and do not approve of divorce or any kind of cheating and i can confirm they were disgusted by his actions so the kids only have them axe was never a person who had a lot of friends and definitely not someone who would buy gifts for the kids the kids never really got into buying the gifts which could be due to ex only having one weekend a month due to his work schedule but yeah i guess part of me does feel bad because of the kids the other part of me just really resents being in this position and being taken advantage of by my ex and his wife am i ahold now for the top comments not today home ironic that a man who had an affair lefty for the mistress is telling you to be the better person well he knew he wasn't capable of being it not today home you do not owe your rex's kids gifts unfortunately the expectation has already been set up with them but they'll get over it don't let yourself be guilted they definitely would all his kids are under five so we'll probably forget eventually i can still feel a bit guilty but it's not a thing i want to keep doing forever not nejo he thinks you owe it to the kids to be a better person what does he owe to the kids then not they whole what about not having a home wrecking father he owe that to his first kids not today home he is latched onto you like a leech salt won't work here but he needs to get shut down hard the cohesion of his family is his business not yours good luck he sounds very tiring but you are absolutely right next story am i a hull for calling my bio dad a stranger long story hope it makes sense i-27 female spoke to my bio-dad 50 is male a while back and decided he wanted me to have his last name in the past this man claimed my mother was a loose woman and that i wasn't his child he would even tell me this when i was little and was visiting him so i told him i didn't think i wanted to do that because of said history and he made it off like it should be an honor and that is ready to claim me as his own fast forward i get a call from his sister she asked if i could go to court and tell a judge that my bio dad is my dad so that it would be easier for him to get a green card as i would only do it if he was going to bring my siblings over to but i wanted to wait well they moved on and tried to find another way to bring him into the country eventually i spoke to his family about what happened and mentioned that he doesn't know me he's never acknowledged my birthdays or helped my mother financially she had to bust her bum to give me what i needed and luckily what i wanted it only called but with years between phone calls visits only happened because my mom would save up to send me on vacation during school break to see her sister and every chance i had to spend time with him he would get drunk and just rant about how my mothers lose i also mentioned that i tried to confront him about this and how much pain it cost me only for him to deny it ever happened he might have been too drunk to remember anyways once my rent was over i topped it off with threatening to file for child support on my mother's behalf if i did help him get a green card i said he's a stranger and has a big sense of entitlement well his family didn't like that at all they said and needed to forgive him and to let him into my life because he's my dad and always will be my siblings are very offended and some of their cousins have been rude about it too they are acting like i'm being disrespectful i don't think i said it in a rude way but with confection marie home edit this post has me shaking in my boots down memory lane i should have clarified some things he is currently sober and his sister was going to cover all the expenses including a lawyer i'm not too sure what the process is but i was told i could have helped the process to get a green card go a lot faster he tried to find another way to get into the country so i'm sure you can keep trying i just needed time to process their requests and i only considered it for my sibling's sake as for the child support i felt like my mom would be entitled to some kind of compensation i don't even know if i could file for it she paid for a lot of medical bills insurance wouldn't cover when i was growing up so shouldn't they try to help she never asked anyone for a dime when i had a surgery never even shared about the financial pressure she was under until much later that made my heart hurt for her i don't believe my mother is a loose woman i think she chose to leave an unsafe and healthy situation she became a citizen in another country learned to write slash read slash speak another language and became an independent woman who lived kind of comfortably i also think this embarrassed them so they slandered her most women stay no matter what in their town and what makes me laugh is that my mother never spoke a word about him unless i had questions thank you you guys helped me realize that this guilt isn't my to bear and gave me the confidence to start putting some boundaries up or cut them out i'm more than happy to forgive them for being human i just don't want them in my life and that's okay i decided that today actually bless you all with whatever good vibes you believe in not the hull just sounds like they want to use you to get him a green card exactly this and he'll disappear when you're not of use to him anymore until he needs a kidney not today hull he is a stranger as he's not been father end of story i forget what comedian it is so i can't give them credit or direct to a youtube link but he's got a bit about how if you refer to your dad as your bio dad and not just dad it really tells you all you need to know about that relationship not today hull if he hasn't acknowledged you over the years and suddenly wants you to have his last name then he is the a-hole not to be home providing c does not make someone a dad you owe him nothing now for the next story emmarie hall for telling my dad that i wouldn't need to use my magical child of divorce powers if it didn't f up in the first place some background my female 17 mom and dad separated when i was six and he married to maggie when i was eight since then they've had three kids together who i absolutely adore even though we're only half siblings they all tie for the number one spot on my list of favorite people and we're pretty close plus my dad is currently going through his third marriage as he was married once before my mom my dad told me a few days ago that he and maggie are getting divorced for reasons i'd rather not explicitly disclose but in general they're both at fault he is currently staying at my grandparents house it has been for about two weeks but my siblings think he's away on business he really wants to see us so he asked me to come down and i agreed however when he told them they did not take it well at all and while i'm not really surprised at their reaction from the way it was described to me i don't think he really helped from what i understand maggie and him sat them down my dad appeared virtually told them they were getting a divorce refused to answer any questions as to why except for them saying that they don't love each other anymore and they haven't for a while now they told them that there was nothing more they could do for each other and that they were sick of trying my siblings flipped out and apparently haven't even been speaking with my stepmother since she told them now when my dad told me this he said that while he wanted to spend time with me this weekend he needed me to patch up the kids and use my experience as a child of divorce i told him i wasn't a therapist and that while i'm more than happy to help i can't promise that they're gonna want to talk to them because they have a right to be upset he said that they were just overreacting and that they're gonna have to grow up and get used to it because witching about it isn't going to change anything at this point i just straight up told him that if some people could keep it in their pants maybe we wouldn't be here he said that wasn't fair and that he was my father and that i had no right to talk to him like that i responded that he had no right to tell my siblings or anybody how to feel and that i hoped for the next marriage you might get it together he hung up a marie ho now for the comments not today hall you were 17 years old and you were right with everything one you are not a therapist two you and your siblings don't ask to be born 3 you and your siblings has a right to be upset but for your sake don't let you used by them it is their responsibility to bring their stuff together not yours would probably be nice if ob to speak to her siblings as a child of a divorce and tell them that they'll get through it everything else is a nope is dead in maggie you'd think by now hopi's dad would be more practiced at divorce announcements but hearing this too will pass and they'll survive a force for the wear from someone they like trust and who isn't currently engaged in breaking that trust may be helpful to them lord knows these kids can't rely on their parents not nehal you're absolutely not your half-sibling's therapist and your dad is asking you to handle them for him because otherwise he'd have to address how his crude appearance actually parent good on you for recognizing it and telling him no honestly if this is his third time divorcing you would think he'd have learned what not to do by now nah he just figures the next one will be pliant and submissive enough to do whatever he wants not today hell by the way not today hall i wish i could buy you a beer for such an epic response not today ho it's his and maggie's responsibility to arrange for therapy for the kids not to guilt you into playing that role instead divorce can have a huge impact on younger kids but it sounds like he's taking this far more lightly than his kids are calling that out may have been unnecessary but dad was being completely unreasonable and sounds like he could use the wake-up call that being said your dad's hostility on the matter if unusual could be a sign that he feels a reasonable amount of guilt for what his kids are going through if so he's coming from a place of many emotions and may not be at his most reasonable right now nonetheless asking you to do the job of a trained mental health professional is inappropriate and you were right to decline now for the last story am marie hall for telling my grown son why he didn't grow up with his father's surname i-44 female was in a toxic relationship my ex joe 49 male met me when i was 15 and we started dating when i was 18. my mom was against the relationship and i moved in with him at 19 because i thought that since mom was never married she didn't know what she was talking about i won't go into more details but eventually i wised up reconciled with my mom and moved away not that joe made it easy i later met my other ex eric 45 male and i told him about joe and said that he might reach out to him i warned him that joe was a liar and just a terrible person fast forward to me being seven months pregnant with our son aj 20 male this was my first pregnancy and i was very nervous because it wasn't planned i was worried that eric would leave me after the baby was born and constantly ask him to reassure me that no matter what happened he'd still be here eric always did until one day he didn't and i started noticing that he was becoming distant eventually he told me that joe reached out to him and showed him pictures of him engaging in adult acts with a woman and said that it was me and that he was my baby's father you can't identify who the woman is so eric brushed it off first but then he thought about how i was always getting him to promise me that no matter what happened he would never leave me and now he had doubt i told him the reasons why i needed to hear him say its day reminded him how crazy joe was and even got others to back up my story and told him that i don't even want to talk to joe let alone be near him eric said that he understood but to ease his mind he wanted a dna test i was upset and very insulted and asked what or if i ever did anything to make him believe that i was a cheater eric admitted that i never gave him a reason so i said that there would be no test we got into a fight and eric said that he refused to sign the birth certificate until a dna test was done i was hurt and moved out i didn't talk to him and gave birth with my mom by my side we took the test and eric was the father he tried to apologize but i didn't want to hear it i would never deny access to our son but i felt like he wasn't reliable so i gave our son my surname so that in case eric left him that my son wouldn't have to deal with his own name being a reminder of the father who might abandon him now that aj is a legal adult he said he was interested in taking eric's surname and i was fine with that but he asked me why he never had his dad's name in the first place it wasn't the first time he asked but i always pushed it off before however now that he was an adult i told him the truth aj confronted his dad and now he's not speaking to him at the moment i didn't intend to cause a rift and felt like my son would be bothered by it because it was more about us than him a marie hall edited to add keep seeing it so i'm going to say it here and instead of each comment one yes i told aj the whole truth and didn't twist details in my favor i told him that his father had doubts after seeing pictures i felt hurt and was it true if i could trust his father to stick around i admitted to him that it was mostly issues i had but it was also hurt that eric would trust someone who hurt me instead of me despite admitting that i never gave him a reason to not trust me two after my son was born i developed postpartum and i got therapy not too long after giving birth and have worked out a lot of my issues now that i'm a more mature adult three yes despite my fears eric did stick around and up until now aj and him have had a great relationship which is why i feel guilt now four i refuse to hyphenate because again i thought eric would leave and didn't want his name attached to our son if he did five no eric never pushed to change the name probably because he felt too ashamed after the test confirmed that i was telling the truth but the side of the family would bring it up a couple of times not they home he's a grown man he's old enough to know the truth not today ho you were not married to eric and you never knew what kind of father he would turn out to be you knew you were going to be constant in your son's life and it was in his and your best interest to give him your last name too many women give their children who were born out of wedlock no judgment the last name of the father and then are tied by name to a man who doesn't participate in raising them and that's what i was worried about i've seen both sides of the situation for people growing up without their fathers and those who didn't have their surname seemed to have an easier time than the ones who did not dehull he believed your abuser over you effectively letting your known abuser use him to further his mistreatment on you dude's an accomplice to his act you

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Keywords: bf, aita, r/aita, relationship advice, reddit stories, update, bridezilla, entitled people, cheating, girlfriend, wife, husband, divorce, parenting, relationship, advice, mother in law, relationship stories, dna results, not the father, parental, reddit update, reddit relationship advice, reddit relationship, reddit cheating, aita update, family drama, open marriage, Curious Redd, open relationship, x bf, caught, stories, cheat, x gf, reddit, askreddit, surviving, infidelity, gurlcan reddit

Id: YPE79CPJa1g

Length: 17min 12sec (1032 seconds)

Published: Fri May 21 2021