Can I Forgive Someone Who Doesn’t Confess Wronging Me? // Ask Pastor John

[Music] can I forgive someone who does not confess to wronging me it's question from Jason who writes pastor John hello as you know in Matthew 18 the parable of the unforgiving servant ends with a dire warning to those who don't forgive so also my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart as Matthew 18 35 verse 34 explains the so of 35 and in anger his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debts this Matthew 18 34 I have a lot of questions about this passage but the main two are one can I biblically forgive someone if they don't ask to be forgiven or can I just be disposed or willing to forgive them if and when they ask what if I or they die before I can forgive them and the second question is can I biblically forgive someone if they think they've done nothing wrong to me but John what would you say to Jason right so I hear at least three questions can we forgive a person who doesn't think they've done wrong and we think they have that that's really relevant to marriage by the way right I think that happens a lot in marriage another one that he asks it seems is or if they don't ask for forgiveness can forgiveness proceed and and then lastly what if I die before I forgive them or or they ask so let's let's start with Jesus teaching about forgiveness because it really is as important as Jason shows it to be and here's what Jesus says he says to pray like this forgive us our debts and we also have forgiven our debtors and then he unpacks it that's Matthew 6 verse 12 I think and then he unpacks it in verse 14 for if you forgive others their trespasses your heavenly Father will forgive you but if you do not forgive others their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses that's huge and then and then Jesus puts it in a parable which is what our friend is referring to in Matthew 18 Peter had just asked the Lord Lord how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him as many as seven times and Jesus said to him I do not say seven times but seventy-seven times or seven times seventy some translations have it anyway lots and lots and lots of times then comes the parable and a king forgives a debtor who owes him a million million dollars it's just an off-the-charts number and then he goes out and strangles a friend who owes him ten dollars in other words being forgiven has had zero transforming effect on this servant he's as selfish as ever and the King hears about it and that's where we pick it up then his master summoned him and said to him you wicked servant i forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you and in anger his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt so also my heavenly father will do to every one of you you'll get thrown into prison if you do not forgive your brother from the heart and then James says the same thing basically in James 2:13 work where he writes some for judgement is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy mercy triumphs over judgment that means my mercy toward you Tony will be a triumphant influence at the Judgment Day which is what Jesus said in Matthew 5:7 blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy if you're a merciless person you meet a merciless God so from all this we are sobered to realize that no one is a true Christian no one is born again and destined for heaven who is an ungrateful unforgiving person Jesus would say you cannot genuinely receive my forgiveness and remain unforgiving can't now Jason's question is and they're clearly important it's a matter of life and death first what if I die let's take him in that order what if I die before I forgive my adversary now the answer to that hangs on the way you see your forgiveness functioning that is your forgiving others functioning in your final salvation if you think that God looks at each deed of your forgiving and repays it with salvation then if it's missing when you die you would lose your salvation that's the way you conceive about it but but if you think that the deed of your forgiving is one of the fruits of your union with Christ then if if one of your fruits had not yet ripened into an act of forgiving it would not necessarily prove that you're not united to Christ for two reasons first because there are other fruits to show the reality of your union with Christ and second because the Lord Himself could see he could see the seed of your act even if you did not have time for the seed of forgiveness to grow into the deed of forgiving so that is in fact I think how it works that's the way the final experience of salvation relates to our being forgiving people salvation is not payback for good works the good works are the fruit of union with Christ who is the all sufficient ground of our acceptance with God so one good deed left undone is not a proof of our lostness it will be covered by the blood of jesus because of our union with him through faith and all of our other acts of forgiveness in our life are testifying to that reality that we believed on him and his blood is covering us which brings us now to Jason's other question can we forgive a person who doesn't think he's done wrong and we think he has or if he doesn't ask for any forgiveness and the answer is we can and we must we must do our part in the forgiveness this is what Jesus meant I think when he said love your enemies bless those who curse you pray for those who abuse you Luke 6:27 they are still our enemies when we do that they have not asked for any forgiveness and they don't think they need any either if making life miserable for us and they think they ought to we are to bless them and that blessing means that our part of the inward forgiveness has happened the opposite of forgiveness is holding a grudge but blessing is the opposite of holding a grudge and so blessing is a kind of forgiving it is true and I suppose this is what he's thinking it is true that the full effect of forgiveness can only happen if the other person believes they need it and want it that's why it's so frustrating when you want to forgive somebody and they don't think they need any forgiveness but but we do not wait for that right we don't wait for them to do their half before we do our half we must be rid of bitterness and grudges right away we do what Jesus did on the cross first Peter it's described so powerfully first Peter 2:23 when he was reviled so this is like he's setting an example for us when he was reviled he did not revile in return him when he suffered he did not threaten in fact he prayed for their forgiveness but here's what it says but he continued and trusting himself to the one who judges justly we we must renounce revenge and and trust our cause to God and then return good for evil that's our part of forgiveness and we can do it whether the adversary admits wrong or not one great miracle has already happened in us and we're we're not responsible for the other miracle of repentance in them yeah I made that miracle of humble repentance in confession become more and more real in our lives and marriages thank you Pastor John well if you cannot get enough of the a special John podcast and let's be honest who can get enough of the ass Pastor John the hot guess you can join our mini listeners by subscribing to our audio feeds we release episodes three times a week and you can search our nearly 1050 episodes in our swelling archive and of course you can reach us by email with a question of your own where can you do all of these things I'm glad you asked you can go to our online omec desiring god org forward slash ask Pastor John desiring god org /s Pastor John well what's the difference between foolishness and sinfulness and is there a distinction between them in Scripture that's on the docket on Friday I'm your host Tony ranky thanks for listening to the podcast we'll see you then you

Channel: Desiring God

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Keywords: Desiring God, John Piper, God, Jesus Christ, Christianity, Christian Hedonism

Id: dOLTiZk65LE

Length: 11min 32sec (692 seconds)

Published: Wed May 10 2017