WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM
"THE LOVE GURU." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," JOHN OLIVER. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU, GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.
LOVELY TO BE HERE TOO. >> Stephen: I'M SORRY YOU
DIDN'T WIN. YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> WHAT? >> Stephen: YOU'RE SEXY TO
ME. >> I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NEXT
11 AND A HALF MONTHS GETTING SO HOT!
>> Stephen: YOU'RE SILVER FOX MAN.
>> CLEARLY, AMERICA DOESN'T WANT A SILVER FOX.
I'M DYEING MY HAIR, I'M EATING CREATINE FOR A YEAR AND IF IT
DOESN'T IT WILL MAKE ME (BLEEP) ABSOLUTELY HOT.
UNBELIEVABLE BUSTING OUT OF MY SUITS, CALM ME JOHNNY
LUNCHABLES, I'M GOING TO BE A SNACK.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, CHRIS EVANS WAS
ANNOUNCED SEXIEST MAN ALIVE AND, THE AUDIENCE BOOED?
>> I CAN RUIN ANY OCCASION I'M A PART OF.
HOW'S THAT NOT HOT? >> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS
I LOVE ABOUT YOU JOHN OLIVER YOU'RE VERY GENEROUS WITH YOUR
TIME. NOT ONLY ARE YOU HERE TONIGHT
BUT LAST WEEK YOU WERE ON BECAUSE YOU PARTICIPATED IN OUR
KIDS PITCH MOVIE, WHERE KIDS PITCH A MOVIE TO US WHERE IT WAS
THE SCARIEST MOVIE ALIVE AND YOU PLAYED A DAYMONDAY IN IT.
>> WHATEVER THOSE KIDS SAY I'LL BE HERE.
>> Stephen: HALLOWEEN PITCH. I ASK YOU DO YOU ENJOY HALLOWEEN
WITH THE KIDS? >> I DO.
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN ENGLAND IT WAS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
I SAW IT ONETT ON ET AND BONFIRT IS MORE ABOUT WELL IT'S A LITTLE
BIT OF BRITISH, COMMEMORATING WHEN GUY FOLKS ALMOST BURNED UP
PARLIAMENT. >> Stephen: YOU'RE PRETENDING
TO BURN CATHOLICS. >> IN A REDEDUCTIVE SENSE YES,
IT'S BURNING CATHOLICS, USING CATHOLICS AS FUEL.
SURE, THERE'S A MUCH LONGER CONVERSATION THAT MAKES IT SOUND
BETTER BUT YES, IF YOU WANT TO GO DOWN TO THE NUB.
WE BURN CATHOLICS ONCE A YEAR. WITH FIREWORKS.
>> Stephen: YEAH? >> THE NIGHT BEFORE IS SCALLY
NIGHTLY. PETTY VANDALISM.
TRICK OR TREATING, IF YOU REMOVE THE TREATS PART.
YOU REDUCE COMMERCIALISM BY INTRODUCING CANDY AND PROPERTY
DAMAGE. >> Stephen: YOU REDUCE THE
TRICKS, AND THAT'S CAPITALISM. DID YOU EVER DRESS UP AS A KID?
>> AS A KID I DON'T KNOW. >> Stephen: DID YOU GO AS AN
ADULT, VAMPIRE OR SOMETHING? THAT IS THE SEXIEST THING YOU
COULD BE, WEREWOLF IF YOU GOT TO BE CONFIDENT.
>> OTHERWISE YOU JUST LOOK DAMP. MUSK, LIKE YOU'VE BEEN IN THE
FOREST WAY TOO LONG. >> Stephen: YOU LOOK LIKE A
SAILOR ON SHORE LEAVE. >> THE LAST TIME I DRESSED UP I
WAS DUKE KABOOM. FROM TOY STORY IV.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
>> MY LITTLEST HE WANTED TO BE A PUMPKIN AND THEN HE WANTED BE TO
BE IRON PLAN INSTEAD. PUMPKIN ALL THE TIME, IRON MAN
AT THE LAST MINUTE. CAN YOU TURN A PUMPKIN INTO A
SERVICEABLE IRON MAN? THE ANSWER IS NO.
IT'S CHANGED, I LOVE THE FACT THEY HAVE -- THEY LOVE THE FACT
THEY HAVE MUSCLES. THEY WERE LIKE COUNTING THEIR
ABS ON THE COSTUMES. >> Stephen: MY YOUNGEST IS
NOW 21 BUT IN HIS ERA, WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE KID HE WOULD HAVE A
FAN ON THE BACK AND ININFLATE, PUSH ON -- INFLATE, PUSH ON THEM
AND -- >> HE WAS LIKE, LOOK DAD, I GOT
HILLS. HE SAID, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY
HILLS! ARE (BLEEP) BECAUSE I'M TIRED,
ALL RIGHT? BECAUSE I'M TIRED ALL THE TIME.
HOW ISN'T THAT SEXY? >> Stephen: MY YOUNGEST THE
SAME WUNG THAT WAS THE THING, I WOULD WRINKLE WHEN I GET NEAR
THE WINDOW, ALL THE CROW'S FEET HERE AND WHEN I SMILE THEY
REALLY COME ALONG. HE WAS A LITTLE KID, HE GOES
DADDY YOU HAVE GILLS! >> GILLS!
>> Stephen: YEAH, GILLS BABY. >> THEY ARE LIKE HIGH FUNKING
DON RIC -- FUNCTIONING DON RICK. >> Stephen: STICK AROUND.
