Building the Most Dysfunctional NFL Team of All Time

um yes sir all right guys I've got bad news I just got off the phone with Papa Goodell and he's not pleased with the NFL's earning projections apparently they're only supposed to increase by a measly few billion dollars and he's already threatening to remove bye weeks altogether and add a final 18th game for now I was able to talk him off the ledge and instead persuaded him into maybe adding an expansion team run and coached by me specifically for the purpose of generating more revenue for the league and considering this entire conversation is something that I just hallucinated I can sign whatever players I want to do that from whatever year active retired dead they're all on the table it's obviously very kind of Roger to let me live out my dream as an NFL executive so I want to make sure I repay him this team needs to draw as many eyes as possible after all the road to riches these days is paved with thousands of mouse clicks but don't hear what I'm not saying I don't care if this team wins what I do want is for there to be so many contra that the beat writers have their own beat writers so in the name of that sweet cash money let's build the most dysfunctional NFL team of all time to kick things off I'm gonna need an offense defense wins championships but doesn't Trend all that well on Twitter so they can wait going from the top down I want a coordinator who commands and deserves zero respect from his players so I'm gonna go bold and bring in Bobby Petrino to run the offense for those who don't know Bobby Petrino is a spineless little weasel man who was the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons for less than a full season in 2007. with his team starting 3 and 10 after Mike Vick was suspended for letting the dogs out or something like that it's obviously not easy to finish a lost year like that so Petrino just elected not to he quit just days after telling the owner he would ride out the year and didn't even have the nerve to tell his players in person he just left a four sentence note on their locker and disappeared in the middle of the night to go accept a gig at Arkansas and you know what to his credit he almost managed to stay out of the news there until he got into a motorcycle crash with a staffer that he was actually cheating on his wife with sniveling Godless and somehow still actually coaching uh welcome to the team Bobby now for the face of our franchise at quarterback lots of good options here but none can ultimately compare to the pure train wreck appeal of Johnny Football in his prime in February of 2016 Johnny Manziel flamed out of the NFL for what was presumed to be the last time following a number of incidents with the Cleveland Browns among the highlights were flipping off opposing teams putting on a fake mustache and going by the name Billy Vegas to go party the night before a game and of course lots and lots of throwing the ball to the wrong team but I'm willing to put all of that behind us in order to immediately hit number one in Jersey sales and based on his recent play in The Fan controlled football experiment he'll be as fun to watch as ever before but then again what if he gets hurt or maybe is a little hungover on game day well in the spirit of keeping things thoroughly blanketed in drama I'm enlisting Aaron Rodgers to be our back quarterback and since I am the GM and the coach we're not pulling Johnny unless he physically cannot play no matter how god-awful things get and I wholeheartedly expect Aaron to understand and respect that decision we do have to move the ball somehow though so at running back we're going to bring in none other than O.J Simpson to slice through defenses OJ of course is famous for being the only player to ever rush for 2 000 yards in a 14-game season and also nothing else now we'll need to buy juice a new pair of gloves but once we do he should serve as a solid option out of the backfield as well and since he's already got a great social media presence he should really improve engagement for us in that area take care okay I gotta be honest I'm still not stoked about our Firepower offensively so I want to fill the receiving core out with Elite Talent in order to give this team something resembling a chance first naturally give me 2019 Antonio Brown who became a living legend for Raider Nation after being traded there via the Steelers who he had a bit of a falling out with the previous season in fact here's him being introduced to the press in Oakland for the very first time uh I'm here to just be a surge of energy a positivity and a good force a great teammate and bring out the best to everyone around me because we all know it's not just about me following this heartwarming sentiment it was all about a b let me just hit my list um showing up to training camp in a hot air ball threatening to retire from the NFL because he wasn't allowed to wear his old helmet getting fined for not showing up to Camp posting those finds on social media trying to fight his general manager and calling him a cracker recording his coach on a phone call so he could use it on his YouTube channel demanding a release from the Raider getting released from the Raiders they're free me grandma signing with the Patriots catching a touchdown pass from Tom Brady being accused of heinous things threatening said accuser over text getting released by the Patriots Antonio Brown seems to be mostly getting things back on track as I make this video and now even has a Super Bowl ring so you know that's good to hear but for the purposes we're seeking there was truly no greater meltdown in recent NFL lore than the ballad of Mr big chest so blonde mustache a b will serve as our ex-receiver across the field we're going to bring in another player known by their initials who happens to also be incredibly demanding of the ball and the spotlight Prime Terrell Owens Tio is regarded as one of the best wide receivers in NFL history as well but it speaks volumes that his on-field production is rarely what people really talk about if you just think off the cuff about teo's most iconic moments you're probably thinking of this or this or maybe this but the only one of these where he's holding a football he willingly places it down and gets blown up just seconds afterwards but of course that flare for the dramatic is exactly what we're looking for and considering Owens famously called his quarterback gay then had an extremely public Feud with the next one and then went on to very publicly weep over Tony Romo there's no way you're going to convince me that the Manziel Tio Dynamic isn't going to be the best television yet aired it's my quarterback so since we now have two receivers that may or may not believe they are literally God now we just need someone to pull them into a constant cycle of infighting and I know the perfect man for that job Keyshawn Johnson was the number one overall pick in 1996. truly becoming a Trailblazer for the future of Diva wide receivers the title of his book is give me the damn ball and he took pride in saying stuff like I threw my helmet down when no one else was doing that he had zero issues going head first at teammates the media the NFL and most infamously even his head coach Jon Gruden which got him benched for the rest of the 2003 season now of course keyshawn's play was never at the level of an a b or a to but he absolutely believed that it was and with those three egos all on the same roster I'll be shocked if we don't get a three-way Brawl on day one of training camp so ready to presses now speaking of press Attention our tight end position is going to move back from Diva status and into just pure chaos with the inclusion of Aaron Hernandez the story of Hernandez's meteoric rise and fall is tragic and fascinating and in many ways was probably preventable but speaking strictly in terms of his career in the league he had the potential to go down as an all-time great before he pulled the rug out from under himself something often overlooked though by his General reputation is that Hernandez had more issues than just violent tendencies like in the locker room with the Patriots he allegedly had wild swings and temperament where he'd go from hyper aggressive and masculine to hypersensitive from physical threats to shyly asking if he was good enough to play those remarks come from former teammate Brandon Lloyd and here is another recollection from him about a warning he got from Wes Welker I'm just gonna let you read this one out since I don't want YouTube to just instantly demonetize me so there you go with our skill position set as a merry band of completely unhinged individuals our offense is loaded with talent but you and I both know this team is a ticking time bomb in every direction you look however as long as the cameras are rolling on it hopefully Roger will be proud of us regardless now it's time to assemble our offensive line this obviously poses a bit more of a challenge for our purposes because while controversy easily sticks to those Spotlight skill position roles down in the trenches it's a little harder to find a good Heather but of course that doesn't mean they're not out there somewhere let's start with the obvious any horrifically dysfunctional offensive line needs to begin with Richie Incognito despite having one of the coolest names in the NFL Incognito is one of the League's worst human beings he's always carried a reputation as being a dirty player on the field but Incognito is no doubt most infamous for being the ringleader of a bullying scandal within the Dolphins locker room just one voicemail Incognito left for Jonathan Martin a teammate and his primary target covered every base from racism to threatening his family to death threats and according to Martin this went on for over a year before he straight up left the team because it wasn't worth it now Incognito says they've put that 2013 Saga behind them and since then he's only been involved in one little fight where he threw a dumbbell at a guy in LA Fitness and another incident where he threatened to shoot up a funeral home so um I think that means he is reformed but anyways that's one of our guard positions set so I think it's a great idea to fill the other one in with just a pure disregard for the rules and go with the legendary Conrad dobler for those who haven't heard of Conrad's exploits in the trenches for the St Louis Cardinals he commonly gouged eyes pulled face masks and even bit opposing linemen in the name of good pass protection for instance when players would jump up to defend a ass he would knock them as hard as he possibly could in the abdomen just so they'd be a little bit slower to get their hands up next time now how he got away with all of this no one really knows but if you guys remember the attention Ndamukong Sue was getting for his exploits then dobler would be a hell of a lot of fun moving over to tackle there's really no better Prospect than Tony mandridge a player not necessarily remembered for his own problems but more so for every player that came into the league around him mandrich was drafted as an offensive tackle second overall in 1989. touted at the time as possibly the best offensive line Prospect in the history of the NFL as it turns out a lot of that hype had to do with steroid use and apart from the Packers taking him second overall every other top five pick from his draft class has since been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame fortunately for his own career he was able to build a return with the Indianapolis Colts but for the purposes of our team mandridge remains one of the most infamous tackles in NFL history and that it's not changing anytime soon moving back to the interior line and Center things get pretty tricky despite being one of the most important positions on the team centers tend to be pretty low drama and if they do become noteworthy it's usually because they're already one of the best in the NFL however that doesn't mean we can't create a little bit of Havoc C the center to quarterback exchange is an underrated part of football so underrated that many people don't consider just how much a big guy's butt sweat can impact the ability to effectively throw the football but it is absolutely real Brady Aikman some of the best ever have talked about the Perils of swamp ass I struggled with a wet foot to make my centers change pants at halftime so with a less than Hall of Fame quarterback we're set up to get a hell of a lot of mentions however there's not a singular butt sweat Champion so we're just gonna go with one that's been unfortunately publicized in recent years with Evan Dietrich Smith former backup center for the Green Bay Packers in fact Aaron Rodgers who's a fellow backup for our team once put this poor man on blast telling the world that when he snapped the ball sweat would Splash up all over his hands and the football like this dude is Shamu or something so with that excellent quote I'm more than happy placing him with a less than Aaron Rodgers quarterback as our beloved starting center that leaves us with just one position left at offensive tackle like Center there aren't a ton of other offensive tackles that can create headlines for us but I do know one thing that generates attention and that is pure annoyance anyone who watches their favorite team consistently knows about that one particular player that commentators can't ever shut up about whether it's dare Aaron Waller's past with drugs James Connor's battle with cancer or Adam thielen spending his whole life in Minnesota yeah yeah yeah we get it so in attempt to capitalize on how much everybody just loves when this happens we're enlisting Michael Orr as our other offensive tackle it's been over a decade since the Blind Side was first released now so you can bet your ass every time the offensive line walks onto the field Joe Buck is going to talk about that movie for that reason alone I apologize to or in advance but you know this is a business Michael however with our Blind Side now protected we've completed our insanely dysfunctional headline snatching offense with any luck this should be the top trending team on every Sports website for years to come unless it self-destructs completely what's up oh okay [Music] so it turns out that Roger's not actually a huge fan of what we're doing here and I get it he's dealt with his own share of controversies I'll bring him around but even still this was a lot of fun to put together so if you guys are interested in a similar video to complete our roster with a dysfunctional defense then let me know down in the comments but you know so far despite how abhorrent most of the chemistry will be the talent might be enough for us to get a few wins and winning does cure all at the end of the day hell at the end of this we might have just enough Playmakers to create the most absurd Super Bowl Contender of all time but then again that is assuming that we can make it past week three [Music] thank you [Music]

Channel: Set the Edge

Views: 551,321

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Id: vpxLHduBSk8

Length: 14min 54sec (894 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 01 2021