Brother's Best Man Toast

you know most best man speeches usually consist of the best man just roasting the groom making fun of him as much as possible trying to embarrass him and believe it or not I didn't want to do that tonight I I wanted to spend this time to really focus on all the good qualities that Tim has like well thank you all for coming have a good night no I'm only kidding it's a great guy as you may or may not know I'm Joe lining Tim's favorite brother yes his the only brother but that doesn't matter and then this is his only brother I believe it's my duty to tell you a little bit about little Timmy here Tim and I first met 22 and a half years ago it was August 20th 1991 one of the greatest days in human history the day he was born I don't remember much about that day it was going through a lot of time but me and Tim shared an instant connection we both immediately disliked each other yes my brother and I definitely had our fair share of fights over the years but I believe that was in part due to the fact that we have very different personalities you know Tim was always loud and abrasive just foolish well I was calm and so controlled and good-looking you know honestly I was a bit surprised when he chose me to be the best man I don't think he realized that I get the chance to stand up here and say whatever I wanted to about him all his friends and family the moment I've been looking forward to for years well as I said being to him definitely butted heads growing up and we had a number of very funny arguments and fights so to best illustrate that I wrote a short poem about our humorous fights once I was sleeping atop my bunk bed Tim pulled me off and I hit my head once when Tim was being arrogant and haughty I asked what's it like being a woman trapped in a man's body well I was out jogging by our humble abode Tim drove through a puddle and splashed me by the road so when Tim was having his friends over at our place I got a full glass of water and threw it in his face while he was waving around his new pocketknife he accidentally stabbed me causing some strife was my finger but when I beat Tim at ping-pong he took it pretty hard so he threw the ping-pong paddle into the neighbor's yard when Tim made me angry and sometimes took it too far and so I may or may not have peed on his farm and so this is just a small sample believe it or not some of our fights but I think you get the point I think the positive and all the fights and arguments we had is that we both became really good at asking forgiveness another interesting thing about Tim is that he's always had a strange love for weapons and violence Tim once had an actual sword delivered from Amazon to his cubicle at work they had to institute a no weapons policy just because of Tim they said it was cutting down on productivity good again Tim also used to hide behind his window with his Pelican pellet gun for hours so he could shoot and hang any squirrels that came into our backyard yes I said hang a little noose and everything yeah I was shocking when you're doing the Marines and in all seriousness though Tim I just want to let you know in front of everyone here how proud I am for all that you've accomplished in the Marines you've had to overcome a lot to get where you are and you've had your fair share of trials along the way I'm incredibly honored to say that I'm your brother not just because you're marine but because even though we don't always see eye to eye you're still the best brother I could ever ask for all right that's enough mushy stuff now let's talk about Jess I'll be nice I remember when I first realized that jess was going to marry my brother we're at her cabin at him Lake and we just come back from a round of playing frisbee golf it had been a hot day we were very tired and sweaty and then Tim took off his shoes took off his socks and looked at Jess who's like hey can you rub my feet and she did now you have to understand Tim's feet smells so bad that if you took his shoes off right now the people in the back would have to leave everybody else will be dead there was a reason why Justin washed Tim's feet tonight well Jess you are a beautiful bride and you have so many great qualities you're smart funny hard worker a good cook and you have such a heart for serving and helping people your only flaw is your taste in men well you know what they say weddings are the only occasions where you congratulating a mistake no I'm just kidding my mom's gonna kill me for that but seriously just you are amazing and I know that just now you're my sister but you know you've been a part of the family for a long time now well to wrap it up I'm incredibly happy for both of you you both now have someone to love and care about so you don't have to be alone and single anymore you don't have to go to the movies alone go to Disneyland alone don't you like to remember alone not that I've done any of those things so without further ado everyone please join me in raising your glasses - Tim and Jess a lifetime of love unity and happiness god bless you guys both

Channel: Joe Leinen

Views: 2,664,435

Rating: 4.9639487 out of 5

Keywords: speech, toast, brother, best man, wedding, funny, Groomsman, Best

Id: 0f_kMAnsFCg

Length: 7min 53sec (473 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 18 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/mikehocksbig]

Skip to 7:53 for the funny part.

[u/omnichronos]

Very funny video with on disturbing part: "He used to shoot and hang squirrels..." and the brother nods to his fiance' as if to say "I did!"

That guy has a bit of scary violence at his core.

[u/[deleted]]

Weeding? Kinda harsh.