Breaking Mormon | Andie Kemmerle | TEDxYouth@AnnArbor

[Music] there are a few topics you're never supposed to bring up in dinner conversation one of those is religion religion is often deeply embedded in how people view the world making it easy to spark controversy thus I imagine my talk may be controversial but I want to share with you today my story of leaving the Mormon Church and to share with you what I've learned from the process let's see what the raise of hands who here was raised religiously who here is still very active and the religion in which they were raised shift and religious thought is natural and maybe even inevitable and I want to call attention to the struggles that can arise with drastically changing one's religious beliefs the Mormon Church formerly known as the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints or the LDS Church has been a part of my life since the day I was born I was born into a seemingly perfect Mormon family according to the standards of Mormon culture my parents were married in the temple and we went to church every week my Mormon heritage goes back for generations my ancestors even came across the plains with some of the original pioneer converts my home life was immersed with Mormonism as well and pictures of Jesus hung up on our walls it was the core of my life and it inevitably dictated how I thought about the world despite all that even from a young age I was at times capable of seeing contradictions one of the important aspects of the Mormon Church is the priesthood which is a spiritual tool given to boys in the church starting at the age of twelve it's considered the power of God and it's necessary to have the priesthood in order to hold higher leadership positions within the church I remember as a five year olds asked through my mom why it was that I would never get the priesthood and why none of the women at church had the priesthood she thoughtfully and lovingly tried to answer my question but it was at that time when it first occurred to me how it was a strange thing how differently the boys were treated compared to the girls I remember feeling jealous I wanted the priesthood everyone always talked about how amazing it was so why didn't I get to have it I felt confused but because I didn't see anyone else showing issue with the idea I accepted that it was just the way it was the idea of any possible conflict was quick to leave my mind because the establishment of my entire world relied on the existence and truth of my religion as I grew older especially after turning 12 and transitioning into the youth programs of the church my questioning slowed middle school was already such a time of insecurity for me so the acceptance I found amongst my church youth group discouraged me from questioning my beliefs why go against the only community in which I had made good friends I had deeply troubling thoughts and doubts but it felt easier to blame myself and to question my religion itself this self-doubt led me to believe that there was a darkness inside of me that simply wasn't OK in the eyes of God this negativity led to resentment towards the church and his doctrines and policies that didn't sit well with me coming into my junior year my beliefs were wavering I was I just moved from California to Michigan with my family so all parts of my life were in motion I was coming from a very strong and United Mormon community in California so coming into the inaugural Mormon community allowed me to see the religion itself more clearly untainted by the fun and excitement of getting to spend time with my friends I continued questioning and began to realize that there were certain beliefs and practices that I no longer wanted to implement into my life it was a gradual process but it continued as I dropped one idea after another and began pursuing what felt right to me once I allowed myself the freedom to contradict my religion I felt more clarity about my life than I had ever remembered feeling despite feeling more at peace with my relationship with the world the outward opposition I faced proved to be rattling I found myself becoming everything I had always been told not to be I'm incredibly lucky that my parents and siblings support me despite the fact that most of them are still Mormon today but it was so confusing to realize that the Mormon community the community in which I had been taught and raised my community for so many years no longer approved of me or my ideas or my lifestyle I'd always been told that leaving the church had serious repercussions and for church members the expectation is that you're in it forever when I left some people rejected me including people I consider to be my friends and meant some people said nothing but began treating me as an outsider some people tried to talk me out of my decision absolutely convinced I was making a mistake and yet some people were supportive or at least empathetic these mixed reactions I received make me nervous to tell some of my friends and family members out of fear of being seen differently or being misunderstood at times throughout this process I felt judged and almost began to believe that I was failing in life but each time I reminded myself of my reasons for leaving and stuck to it determined to not give up with all my preconceptions about the world's falling away I began to realize that there were many aspects of my life that I had never formed my own ideas about before I had seen the rules of the church is unbreakable and this path of my life I set in stone so it never occurred to me to decide for myself what I thought about some things as exciting as it was to have a blank slate it also made me feel lost and alone trying to establish my new self in a world that felt bigger than ever although it was a difficult process when I finally followed through with what felt right to me it helped me to feel more happy and free and confident I imagined in this room most everyone has had to shake some aspect of the way they were raised as they've grown up most everyone has had to push away from some trait characteristic or idea that they no longer want to have a part of their lives this process can be grueling and discouraging but I think that allowing ourselves to change and develop as we go throughout our lives is one of the most important things we can do and the only way we will truly progress although this has been my experience with the Mormon Church many people I know have had very different experiences many people haven't felt the same feelings of guilt or pressure and they feel the church has offered them a warm welcoming community and a happy life although this didn't work for me I find nothing wrong with their experiences or choices I fully support everyone's right to live their lives however they feel is best by giving this talk I don't mean to devalue the religious lifestyle or those who choose to live it but instead I aim to show the importance of allowing each individual to follow the path that makes the most sense to them I only want to bring to light the ongoing struggle that I'm going through with exiting my religion in many discussions I have seen or been a part of the opinion on the LDS Church seems to be two-sided there's the supportive viewpoint and the contradictory viewpoint so often it seems that the chasm of misunderstanding is too deep between these different viewpoints but there's no common ground from which to have a meaningful discussion my experiences contradict that one of the greatest things I've gained from leaving the church is that I can now relate to people who choose to live religiously because I used to do the same as well as people who choose not to because that's where I find myself now being able to relate to people of both backgrounds has given me unique insight and empathy for people of a variety of religious upbringing going into the future I hope to see more people taking the leap to pursue ideas that appeal to them regardless of their past I'm excited to continue to learn how to think for myself and to embrace the changes that will come my way thank you [Music]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 178,237

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Life, Entertainment, Human Rights, Life Development, Personal education, Personal growth, Religion, Youth

Id: psI_rBrNyG0

Length: 9min 1sec (541 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 02 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/kt411007]

I applaud her for doing this, but she sounds soooooo Mormon! I say this because recently I had to do a presentation for school and I recorded myself doing it and as I was listening back I thought holy shit I sound like I'm giving a sacrament talk!

[u/hyrle]

The part between 6 minutes to 9 minutes is some of the best parts of this talk and I agree in full with her, except that I do advocate for some changes that would allow people to live their religious lifestyle without enabling that lifestyle to enable abuse.