Transcriber: Jenny Lam-Chowdhury
Reviewer: Capa Girl I study the brain in love. First of all,
I'm delighted to be here. I'm delighted that you're here. Thank you to the people
who are joining us from outside this room. I do study the brain.
I study the brain in love and [unclear] -- and I put people
in brain scanners who are madly in love with my colleagues, Art Errand, Lucy Brown
and Bianca Acevedo. We've now put 17 people who've just fallen happily in love in the machine fMRI, 15 people who've just been
rejected in love, and 17 people who were in love long term, people who were married more than 21
and still in love. As a matter of fact,
I think that right now, actually, I can put a lot of you in my machine and I would find some
of these brain circuits for romantic love become active. I'm not going to repeat
really what I've said -- I've already written four books
on romantic love, and I want to say
something different today. But I do want to say one thing
about romantic love. It's a powerful brain system. I think more powerful
than the sex drive. It comes from primordial parts of the brain, way below the cortex, and it gives you the energy,
the focus, the ecstasy, the despair and the motivation. It's a drive,
it's a basic mating drive. It's a drive to win
life's greatest prize which is a mating partner. But today, I want to talk about
something else. (Laughter) Why do you fall in love with
one person rather than another? I'd written my fourth book
on romantic love and -- It was a couple of days
before Christmas, and I got a telephone call from Match.com
the Internet dating site, and they asked me to come in
and talk to them two days after Christmas. And I -- nothing happens in New York
at Christmas, but -- So, I went in and they filed in I wasn't even sure who was who -- And in the middle of the morning
they asked me, "Why do you fall in love with
one person rather than another?" And I said,"I don't know.
Nobody knows!" Psychologists certainly know
that timing is important, proximity is important,
we tend to fall in love with somebody from the same socio-economic
and ethnic background, that's changing, by the way, somebody with the same
general level of intelligence, and good looks, and education, and religious,
and social values are important -- reproductive goals -- and certainly, your childhood experience
plays a role. But, you know, you can walk into a room and everybody is from your background, and same level of intelligence, and same level of good looks, and there's a lot of the same childhood and you don't fall in love
with all of them. Something else is missing -- something is missing here. So, I began to decide
that I would study personality. There are two basic aspects of personality, of course, with epigenetics now we know that these are constantly
in connection with one another. But there certainly are traits
that you've acquired. through your childhood,
and your education, and your experiences. And also, there's great many traits that come straight out of your biology. They now estimate that 40 to 60 percent
of who you are comes out of your DNA or at least it plays an enormous role in it. So, I decided what I would do is take a look at
the second aspect of this -- your temperament,
your predispositions -- and see, if somehow,
your basic body chemistry drives you to some people
rather than other. So, I began to go through
all of the academic literature looking for traits that
are linked with biology that may play a role in mate choice. And I would generally
go into a lot of this -- but bottom line is, there is a lot of chemicals
in the brain and most of them keep the eyes blinking
or the heart beating, they are are not linked
with personality traits. Indeed, these
four brain systems are the dopamine, serotonin,
testosterone and estrogen-oxytocin systems. And each one of them is linked with a constellation
of personality traits. So, I decided what I would do
is try to make a questionnaire that measured the traits linked with each one
of these brain systems. And then, put this questionnaire
onto a dating site, Match.com internationally
and Chemistry.com, the site that I started with Match.com
locally, in the United States. And then, see if I could watch who is naturally drawn to whom. Whether these traits of biology naturally draw you to
some people rather than others. I just want to say before a begin that -- I am not talking about types -- these are not cubbyholes,
these are brain systems and we all respond to all of them. As a matter of fact,
I'm working now with a geneticist from Princeton University,
Lee Silver, and we just studied 100,000 people
on Chemistry.com -- 10 million people have
taken the questionnaire, 30 thousand take it every week -- So, I study them regularly. It's all anonymous but anyway,
I study the numbers. In this study of 100,000 people, no two people took this 56-question
questionnaire the same way. I've never met two people
who were this similar or alike. However, there's patterns to nature, there's patterns to personality, and I wanted to find out, if there's also patterns to mate choice. So, I'm going to go very rapidly through these four broad styles
of thinking and behaving, through the genetics that is linked with each one of these constellation
of personality traits, and then wind up with telling you the patterns of mate choice. The dopamine system --
these are the traits -- people tend to be very expressive -- there are certain genes
in the dopamine system -- they're novelty seeking, risk taking, it's "cold sensation seeking"
in the academic literature. They're curious, they've got
great many interests, they make more money than
any other personality style, but they also loose more money
than any personality style. They're vigorous takers,
energetic, restless -- not just jumping out of airplanes -- I had a wonderful friend
in my life, who died recently, but he lived in The Village in New York and he really read 10 hours a day. He was very much of an explorer, he just wasn't doing physical exploration. Enthusiasm, optimism,
independence, self-reliance, impulsivity -- These are the people who would walk into a bar
and buy everybody a drink, mental flexibility, and idea generation --
that's really important. Creativity seems to be linked with
the dopamine system in the brain. In fact, if you give L-Dopa
to a Parkinson's patient their creativity will actually go up. Some people turn into
great poets or artists. On the down side they tend to be
susceptible to boredom. I'm one of them -- I'm going to Ethiopia tomorrow morning -- I have now packed one pair of blue jeans
and about ten books -- you know, in case I'm in
that tarmac for 30 days, I got something to do. They all tend to be reckless, unreflective, they look out not in, more manic,
insincere, they can be glib, opportunistic, and unpredictable. These are traits that are,
in one way or another, linked with the dopamine
system in the brain. I did a study of 178,000 people
on Chemistry.com The top words they use are:
adventure, venture, spontaneous, energy, fun, traveling,
outgoing, passion, active. It's called the lexical hypotheses, it came out in the 1930s and -- so, you should really -- when you're talking to somebody
and trying to size him up -- not only, sort of watch to
their body posture and all of this -- but listen to the words
they choose to use -- because it actually
comes out of their biology, it says a lot about them. I think Regina Dugan
is a perfect example, head of DARPA creation, surprise, change --
you can't loose your nerves. A woman who really lives
in a high dopamine world and is high dopamine herself. Richard Branson
is a great example, "I've always thought the rules
are made to be broken." Lang Lang a wonderful pianist,
flare, dazzling, charisma, super-star, conqueror,
bravado, daredevil tendencies ebullient, fun to watch
high dopamine kind of guy. I did a study of half a million people. I've got all these zip codes
to see where "explorers" are. I call them that -- because
I was working with a dating site I needed to name these people. So, if you're expressive
of the dopamine system I call you an "explorer." They live in New York, they live in
the big cities where the action is. They aren't down in Dallas -- they are not in Phoenix --
(Laughter) They are not even in Las Vegas -- they're doing something else --
(Laughter) Those people [unclear] expressive of the serotonin system they observe social norms,
enjoy familiar, they are the ones that will go
to Martha's vineyard every summer, instead of around the world
doing different things. Harm avoidant - they're not scared,
but they're cautious, calm, controlled, stoic -- this is why you take a Prozac or Paxil
to drive up the serotonin system so you are calmer. Plans, routines, orderly --
they are orderly. As a matter of fact,
I have a friend who goes annually to his accountant with his wife
and about 10 years ago by chance, he leaned on
the accountant's desk and he moved the guy's pencil
sharpener just a tiny little bit and immediately, the guy
moved it back. (Laughter) And now, every single year he goes and, at some point,
he moves the pencil sharpener and every year, the guys
moves it back. (Laughter) Literal, precise,
sustained attention, real good with numbers,
want to belong, respect -- Religiosity is in the serotonin system.
At least part of it is. And this is one of the reason that
if you take LSD or something you can have a religious experience. So I'm told.
(Laughter) Loyalty is very interesting. One of my most interesting questions
on the questionnaire is something like -- I can't quite remember the name of it,
but it says something like, "Would you rather have
interesting friends or loyal friends?" Now, we all want interesting friends and we all want loyal friends, but this type must have loyal friends.
Must have them. And the other three types
cannot tolerate friends that are uninteresting. On the down side they're close-minded,
controlling, rigid, stubborn and moralistic. Top words they use is "family," they use trust and trustworthy
they got that one twice. Values! Big time on values,
respect, morals. I think Ben Bernanke
is a very good example -- details, data,
looking in the past, frugal. I think the president of China,
Hu Jintao -- he's a perfect example. He's low key, preserved, very modest Modesty seems to be in this system, consensus building,
dislike the extravagant. One thing that is interesting is --
one of the genes in the serotonin system is associated with this
consensus building, low key -- and that gene is most common
in China and Japan. Washington -- I've gotten terribly interested in
American history, world history and indeed, this guy --
the high [serotonin], he was just perfect
for being our first President. In the testosterone system
people are analytical. It's called being good at
rule-based systems. Everything from engeenering
to computers, mechanics, music. Beethoven was probably very high -- it's because it's structural. Now, I'm not high testosterone, so I just swing at the beat
when I'm listening to music. But these people
see the structure of music. Experimental, exacting,
rank-oriented -- you inject testosterone into a monkey
and they'll begin to fight for rank. Emotionally contained, also,
much more emotional flooding particularly rage,
decisive, bold and direct. These are the ones that scream,
"Get to the point!" "We are getting to the point",
and they get to the point. On the down side -- uncompromising, impatient,
demanding, mind blindness -- is the concept of the inability
to get into somebody else's head and understand
what they are talking about. Less empathetic and aloof. Top words they use
among them is "real." They are the least religious,
they got to have it real. Larry Ellison is a perfect example. "At one point Craig -- of Craig Conway -- thought I was going to shoot his dog -- If Craig and the dog were
standing next to each other, trust me, if I had one bullet,
it wouldn't be for the dog." (Laughter)
I think he made himself clear. Certainly, Steve Jobs
is very much the same thing. I think Hillary Clinton is, you know -- There are many more men
in this category in every culture I studied
and I studied six cultures. But I think this is a giveaway. When asked why
she was attracted to Bill she said, "He wasn't afraid of me."
(Laughter) High estrogen type -- They're web-thinking -- it comes from the way the brain
is patterned in the womb -- I don't have time for it -- but they are contextual, holistic, long term thinkers,
very imaginative, good people skills, social skills, ability to climb into your brain
and understand how you're thinking, pro-social, trusting, introspective, these are the ones [that]
everything means something -- just the way they move --
everything means something. Freud once said,
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," not to these folks, not even slightly.
(Laughter) Mostly expressive,
and diplomatic intelligence. On the down side -- they're scattered, indecisive,
they live in a world of "it depends" "Where do you want to go for dinner? Well, it depends, we can go here
or we can go there -- Why don't you make up your mind? I am making up my mind, it depends --
we can go here or we can go there." (Laughter) And it's from brain architecture. They're placating,
they want to please, ruminating, they never
stop thinking -- One of the things I say at
Match.com is, "Stop thinking!" Some of these women --
they go out for their first date and the guy picks his fork up wrong
and she's thinking, "Hey, he won't be any good
with the children." (Laughter) "Just think about dessert!"
(Laughter) Gullible, hypersensitive, back stabbing -- they won't hit you
in the face but they stab you in the back. Unforgiving -- there's more estrogen
receptors in the hippocampus, and they'll remember --
and for a good reason too -- for million of years, women raised -- had the hardest job on Earth
which is raising tiny helpless babies -- they had to remember. Biggest [words] -- they are the readers of the world -- sensitive, kind
these are the words that they use. Oprah is a good example. Bill Clinton! I think is
a great example of a male -- You know, he was the one that
cried at their daughter's wedding -- his wife didn't cry,
he was the one who cried. The whole world knows
he's a very good talker, and, of course,
he feels everybody's pain. And I think, Charles Darwin is by far -- He's connected more dots
between people and all living things on this planet. He's tremendously high, I think,
in estrogen, actually, and in dopamine -- a wonderful combination
for real creativity. I did a study, once again,
of 500,000 people -- the high serotonin type -
the "traditional," lives all through here -- Everything that's loose rolls into
California, that's the high dopamine. (Laughter) Here we have the high testosterone, around Washington D.C.,
trying to run the world, or they're out gambling in Nevada, or they're in Alaska
shooting the animals. (Laughter) And here we have what I call
a the "tree-hugger green" -- we got the high estrogen type, and the two coasts where the most
big readers of the world are. I think these evolved --
I have very little time left -- I think they evolved together. But, anyway, what Match.com
wanted to know is, "Why do you fall in love with
one person rather than another?" So, I looked into 28,000 people several times and my hypotheses was
half right and half wrong. But the bottom line is -- "Explorers" are the high dopamine, high energy, curious, creative -- want somebody like themselves. So, do the high serotonin -- traditional wants traditional, in this case, similarity attracts. When it comes to
testosterone and estrogen, opposites attract. And I could tell you why I think -- I would hypothesize why
these biological draws evolved but I will just go to say
a couple of things. First of all, I think this could play
an enormous role in understanding relationships
in business, as well as in love. And I hope to move that forward. I'm now working with
Lee Silver, from Princeton. We've isolated 63 genes that we hope -- 64 that we hope we will be able to -- and have 40,000 people
to take my questionnaire, and also get a cheek swab -- and understand some of
the biology of the varying bios. We will fail,
we're a little ahead of the game and it's not going to work -- but we're going to try, anyway.
(Laughter) But what's most important
to me, actually, it's that we've now put 45 people
into the brain scanner -- they've taken my questionnaire first, and then put them into the brain scanner, and sure enough,
those people who scored high on my proposed estrogen scale, had more activity in
the mirror neuron system, and etc. We're beginning to map some of the brain circuitry of personality. And in fact, I really do think that it is this century that is going
to begin to marry biology and psychology. So, I want to close with this. It's a story -- Match.com came to me
as I was developing all of this -- it's taken me several years, and they said, "Would your
questionnaire work in another culture?" And I said, "If it doesn't work, I have failed. I'm not studying the American brain, I'm studying the human brain." So, we went to Tokyo,
and we were going to start -- they were going to start
a dating circle in Tokyo. I went, we talked to journalists for a week
and then, came the final night. And the final night came,
and I said to my handler -- a good friend, I said,
"What am I doing tonight?" She said, "Well, we're going
to have a little mixer." "We're going to be about 300
young Japanese men and women, who are going to come to a mixer, and you're going to get to stand up
and explain these personality styles and then, we're going
to have a little ice-breaker. In the ice-breaker, everyone
who has taken the questionnaire, are going to have
something around their wrists, so that they know which
their predominant style is. And we're going to roll out four cakes -- just the bottom, 2 feet by 2 feet
wedding cakes, and the four different types of people are going to go to different parts
of the room and decorate that wedding cake -- and you're going to make comments on it." And I said, "Oh, holy Christ, this is
the [unclear] of my scientific career." (Laughter) So, first thing I did is I -- They did all these things and there were
like 400 people in the room and I walked up to
the first wedding cake which is the high estrogen wedding cake. Now, that cake was smiling at me -- It was just saying,
"Please, connect, please, like me." They even wrote "love"
in little pink letters -- and it was really a nice,
sweet personality cake. Then, I go over to the high serotonin cake, the "traditional" cake,
and here is what I see -- It's a nice cake.
It's formal, it's lush -- It's one kiwi, one cherry,
one kiwi, one cherry -- (Laughter)
one kiwi, one cherry -- It's an orderly cake. So, then I go over to the
high testosterone cake -- what I call the "director," and the crowd passed
and I go through it -- There is no emotion in that cake!
(Laughter) It is totally self-contained! but they've decorated around the cake!
(Laughter) They thought outside the box.
(Laughter) So, then I go to the "explorer" cake,
the high dopamine cake, the high energy cake,
the curiosity, creative cake. And the crowd passed,
and the first thing I see is two men hurling fruit at the cake --
(Laughter) And then, I walked over
and some guy takes a look at me, he was standing by me, and he grabs
some flowers that were in a vase -- that has nothing to do with this cake, and plunged it into the middle of the cake!
(Laughter) And this is the cake.
(Laughter) Thank you very much. (Applause)
