Bill Bailey Shows Off His INCREDIBLE Musical Talents! | 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown | Channel 4

bill what have you got for us right well uh jimmy i've got a little thing here i picked up when i was uh on tour in australia uh you know so i thought you might like this um it's a it's a didgeridoo and i'd like to play you uh the hundred greatest didgeridoo hits here's the first one who could forget this one for lovers where are you when this was a hit [Music] and what about the up tempo [Music] and of course the christmas hit there you go thank you very much so john josh you're hipsters you're cool too young dudes how will you cope against the experience the wisdom of sean and bill my tactics is to get nine letter words that uh these two won't have heard of like retweeted hey yo hold on hold on i know all about that i tweet do you i'm on the twitter i'm the twitter artie you should be ashamed of yourself why i'm only on there because some bloke went on there pretending to be me and he was having a much more interesting life i'll show you that also then hey it's tuesday i'm going to jaffa cake walking across the room sit down and have a jaffa cake mate you'll hurt yourself no no sean you and bill uh your old friends do you think that's going to help this evening well yeah and i also think i deserve some kind of prize for being the first contestant on countdown to have a friend i think no it's some kind of uh achievement and bill we are very old friends we first met we we had the losing garden at the chelsea flower show yeah in 84 wasn't it that's right yes one of the corpse in it we yeah way back way back yeah before that we were cell mates in a thai prison um sean how do you think john and josh can be defeated tonight well i think there's a very good chance that they'll be thrown off course by josh's voice breaking i think that's bill have you got a mascot uh yes uh i have actually um and this is one of my most uh treasured positions you know i like you know i didn't really want to bring it at all but because that certainly might happen to it but it's a it's a log drum 100 sure it's not toasty it looks i know it does look like a toaster doesn't it i believe this is the thing that's been made for me to play it on hang on a minute this is well that's that's not part of it that's clearly not that's a giants i think that's the table we've all got we all got one of those bills [Applause] you can now see a little bit more of it there right how's that there you can see that okay yeah it's got it's got a pleasing but to make it more easy i'll put a blindfold [Laughter] definitely a great move that's funny if i don't hold it it's like craft work did you've just tuned in you've gone quite mad i'll play i'll play a bit faster because it's a bit more impressive in it so you start with kind of oh i have here some correspondence i had with the aaa the automobile association not the uh uh yeah and they uh i i didn't renew my membership uh because i didn't have a car so it seemed pointless but they um but they wrote to me with an increasingly uh more sort of threatening tone right and the first the first letter was very sort of like jokey someone said dear mr bailey it seems you've chosen not to renew your aaa membership i assume this must be an oversight i look forward to hearing from you the next one was a little bit more there's a little bit of a threat it was dear mr bailey i'm very concerned that i've not heard from you about your a membership which is about to lapse can you contact us asap as you will soon have no cover and be vulnerable like a hermit crab soft and easy pickings for predators without its protective shell and the last one they really went the turn mr bailey i'm shocked that you would be reckless enough to leave the warm embrace of the aaa and strike out into the unknown a cold and unforgiving place beyond our reach where your future is at best uncertain at worst a living nightmare by leaving the aaa you have placed you and your family in mortal danger you have set the countdown on a ticking time bomb of despair picture the scene a stormy night late model renault kangoo with a malfunctioning distributor on the verge of the b3116 just where it joins the a39 terror stalks the verge that stricken vehicle is yours the terrified driver you in your panic you clutched the one lifeline out of this dantian circle of hell your only hope the a.a but then you remember you've canceled the membership you collapsed on the verge weeping crying the bitter tears of regret shouting why why did i forsake them to die here alone please let me know if you reconsider if you could sum up the atmosphere on countdown with a little tune how would it go right well luckily uh he provided me with this high-tech piece of oh christ cbb's keyboard because i think that you know the tune that's kind of quite you know you're right it is a bit it's tension isn't it it's a bit nerve-wracking in that last bit [Music] that bit is a bit scary i would change that to a more lilting irish theme sort of like what i have for you uh jimmy is one of my favorite books this is there's an instructive element to this show so uh i thought i'd bring on something to try and you know educate this is a phrase book called practical dialogues uh where they're not actually practical in any way it's an indonesian to english uh praise book and um they're just they're not at all uh helpful they're really i'll give an example these are not the sort of phrase you know like phrases if you go somewhere you're like is there a restaurant near here or uh could you direct me to a bar and this is a conversation between two people there goes this i'm going to see the dentist right now by 5 o'clock and then what for kind of obviously to have a tooth out what's the dentist's name fadley maybe a typo i don't know but anyway sadly and then this is where it really goes on he is also an actor isn't he yes he is you are lucky why you have handsome dentists not qualified but yeah he's just dabbling these conversations are more sort of like uh romantic they're the kind of conversations you know you want to try and get to know someone a bit better this one's good do you often dream what is a dream something which one seems to see or experience during sleep tell me another definition a dream also means mental pictures of the future give me an example having dreams of wealth and happiness do you often dream during sleep yes what did you dream last night i dreamt i was kissing sophia loren the theme of the night is instruction education i just wanted to run through the difference between the different keys you know because since the 1960s pop music is now more and more in the minor key it used to be jolly it's very very happy in jolly but now most pop music is in the minor key and it's slower than it used to be we favor slow ballads in the minor key like adele is the classic example of her ballads very slow and in the minor key i wrote a song for adele uh called uh you left me but i'm not gonna go on about it [Laughter] hey guys uh i met you down on the street and you said that there was someone you were on your way to meet and i knew it couldn't be me because i was the one that was there stood for many hours crying outside your door singing why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why didn't you leave why did you leave me why did you leave me all right [Applause] but i'm not gonna go on about it the earliest record of is um someone saying to his wife give not male names to such things as thine but i think thou has two a wife of mine [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] saying how many threats they had track braggers i'm really nervous i'm a bit of a bill bailey stalker tonight so i just want to get it out there early but i've seen him like five or six times live and i'm just a bit nervous tonight okay um just just got a few it's just a few math problems i need to go through you've got you've got a bit of a crush on bill well look there's just more love you know there was a headline once the um i'm signal i'm signal oh my god it so bad what's your secret bill what's going on it's just two tracks of course it is got grade six clarinet i mean i think if rachel was found peering into your kitchen window you would still be the one that got arrested such a very good point yeah yeah okay time to go across the dictionary corner bill what have you got for us this time well jimmy i've been recently uh traveling in indonesia all right and um you know i'd like to try and pick up a little bit of the language so uh i bought this book uh it's called practical dialogues and it's supposed to be helpful little conversation starters but the trouble is they're not actually that practical in terms of conversation starters because they do require the other person to join in a very specific way i'll give an example these are all genuine uh let me show you this one i quite like this one uh which way up is the pen here we go tell me about plasma then the other person has to say plasma is clear yellowish fluid in which the blood cells are carried and you say no uh what is blood and then they tell you they say it is a red liquid flowing throughout the body and then they say what happens if a man's heart stopped beating he dies anyway cheerio this one is it burns what does fire do it burns catches fire easily paper hair cotton your house against fire yes i have what is a fire alarm and apparatus for making know the outbreak of fire is fire destructive when fire is angry one more um okay this is my favorite this is um this is one about smuggling this is great well check this out hang on is smuggling forbidden see this i think this conversation is about someone who's thinking about smuggling and it's just chatting to someone on a bus to hope that they know it's snuggling forbidden yes it is why it gets good secretly and illegally what do you call a person who smuggles are smugglers there are many smugglers in the world aren't there yes there are what would happen if i smuggle opium into malaysia you would be hanged [Applause] you

Channel: Channel 4 Comedy

Views: 932,733

Keywords: Channel 4, All 4, Comedy, Channel 4 Comedy, Bill Bailey, Bill Bailey 8 Out Of 10 Cats, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, Jimmy Carr, Bill Bailey didgeridoo, Bill Bailey Funny, Funny Clips, Funny Moments, British Humour, Bill Bailey panel shows, Panel Show, Comedy Panel Show, comedy panel shows, british panel shows, british comedy shows, Sean Lock, Josh Widdicombe, Jon Richardson, Susie Dent, Haha, LOL, Videos to make you laugh, Funny Videos

Id: p3HxEf6bIKY

Length: 14min 49sec (889 seconds)

Published: Mon May 16 2022