Biggest FLIRTING MISTAKES That Keep You SINGLE... | Matthew Hussey

what is the reason that so many people struggle to turn date one into date two because a lot of people go on a date feels like it went well but then the person doesn't call afterwards how do you look you can't ever say that you can make it inevitable that someone's going to call after a date but how do you nudge things in that direction how do you make such an impact on the date that afterwards this person feels compelled to want to see you again in this video we discuss the thing that so many people fail to do that means they never get the call check it out and i will see you at the end of the video for a special little gift how do you create chemistry in addition to connection a lot of people who are who go on a first date finish the date think that it went well we had great conversation it all seemed to be going well and then i never got the call after the date what in your opinion are the things that you can say or do on a date to create chemistry so that you can actually secure a second date instead of just having a date where there was great conversation and perhaps connection but not the fire that makes it that gives it the momentum to take it to that second or third date well it's well observed that there is a difference there and that's already astute to note that the connection is different to chemistry and some people are great talkers and they're great at opening up and being fun and just talking all night like hey like especially people who go to business networking and stuff they're like talk talk talk chat chat chat i've got loads of thoughts and ideas and opinions but thoughts and ideas and opinions are not what create sexual tension they're not what create a spark a frisson the little the little magic where you feel something and i've had this i've had this where i've gone on dates with people and been like that was fun or i had a nice time but there was never a moment there was never a moment where i had felt like oh like oh that that's exciting or you know i'm really intrigued by her or i feel physically you know physical pull towards her now and which which it should be noted is not simply to do with chemistry isn't even to do with how good looking someone is someone you could be sitting opposite someone you think objectively is really good looking or really beautiful but there's some there's some like if you see chemistry as electricity that joins the two of you there's no electricity joining the two of you there's just them objectively looking attractive so what is it what's that what do you what in your i've got a couple of things steve's to throw in the mix here but what are the things that you think create that electricity so that it's not just two attractive people sitting opposite each other having nice conversation i think one thing is there is an undeniable there's an element of risk involved in creating chemistry there's always an element of it doesn't take it doesn't take much to put yourself on the line to give an idea or an opinion a thought oh i've got this goal and this is what i love but but maybe if you take a risk and notice something about them or you uh give a little you know like even if you said um you have really cute dimples when you smile even that is a risk it's a moment of risk or you you say um you know it's uh i don't know it sounds you sound really cute when you laugh like that or that shirt looks really good on you like even as small as that as just being like um like no i think that shirt looks great on you it's like you know shows your big shoulders like i like it that you do have big shoulders steve thank you matt so do you um so family i think i think like a moment like that registers especially like in a guy's brain a lot of i think we've talked about this before but i think men as a whole are less used to getting like a physical compliment or something that just says oh i noticed that about you and i think it's attractive they're less used to getting that and i think men register that a lot and they remember it and they remember something you're attracted to about them but that always takes a moment of you know you're like oh they noticed me they are thinking in that way it's not that you have to be thinking dirty thoughts but they are thinking in that way they're thinking like this is a date that that's what we're here for we're not just like we're not just messing around being pals here we're thinking oh i i'm actually into you i'm kind of kind of interested in you and so there's vulnerability there's intrigue there's you know a little bit of vulnera a little bit of risk those are the the seeds that start creating chemistry beyond just we're connecting with either now i want to add i want to add a layer to that because here's i actually as you said you know notice something about someone give a compliment there are two things there's something that came up for me there was two scenarios that i imagined one was a person who was saying that in a relaxed calm confident way and the other was someone who really quickly said the compliment like if you imagine steve any chemistry coming from this scenario um hey how are you oh my god you look so great in that shirt um how are you doing tonight yes exactly there's no chemistry now steve there is a thing i have noticed over and over again over the years that we've been doing this and it doesn't get mentioned enough when flirting is talked about because of course we're talking about flirting right as a way to create chemistry that's really if you want to say how do you get it's kind of you could look at it like this how do you get someone to call you for a second date you have to create chemistry right that if you have connection with no chemistry you may not get the call in fact it's possibly even likely you won't get the call if you have chemistry without connection you'll still get the call yeah yeah right chemistry in the beginning can get you through a lot even by the way chemistry has lots and lots of people going on dates and getting closer and closer and closer that shouldn't be yeah that are ultimately going to absolutely destroy each other's hearts right but lack of connection will you'll suffer later on lack of chemistry you'll suffer early on yes exactly that's exact that's a nice way of putting it yeah so if you want a second date you have to create chemistry how do you create chemistry you flirt and then you get into okay what are all the ways that that you can flirt by the way um for anyone who wants to go deeper on flirting we actually have a free chapter from our program how to talk to men that you can go and download that is specifically on flirting so if you want a kind of taste of the whole program how to talk to men through via a chapter that literally gives you specific things to say and do to flirt go to getthefreechapter.com that's completely free you can just go and enjoy that here's what i've noticed stephen that doesn't get talked about enough pace pace is huge are you if you look at the pace of flirting it's not fast yeah if you if you take what is sexy and speed it up it's no longer sexy that's so true if you imagine any sexy situation on fast forward it's no longer sexy it immediately loses its sex appeal and actually the more it speeds up the more it goes to comical so on a date what i notice universally in people who aren't good at flirting is that their speed is too high and their speed is too high because of something that's going on internally when you're trying to if you imagine when you're trying to even forget flirting for a moment if you're telling a story and you rush the story the story can easily lose emphasis but when you ask yourself why am i rushing through this story right now at this dinner table it's because you're afraid it's because you're afraid that this story isn't going to land you're afraid that people are going to think it's too boring you're afraid that people aren't going to listen you're afraid that it's you're going to look silly as you're telling it and so what you do to compensate for all of that is you speed up and by speeding up you're kind of saying the the indirect messages my story's not worth your time so i'm just going to rush through it the great irony of course is that in rushing through a story the story loses all of its effect anyway because certain jokes certain moments in a story need to breathe need that pregnant pause before the punch line need people to be able to imagine need people to be able to invest the more you rush through it the more it doesn't even feel like a story anymore it just feels like information you're throwing at somebody that's the kind of kind of a lesson for impact but but if you translate that to flirting the same thing happens there's a subtle message we're telling ourselves and then indirectly communicating to somebody else that i don't feel comfortable in myself or my own skin i don't feel sexy and so anything that could create tension i'm not gonna allow to breathe long enough to create tension because i don't believe in my ability to create tension yeah so i'm going to rush through these moments it's a nervous energy yeah and and you can literally you can think about it on dates you've been on you can think about it just hypothetically that anytime someone is not creating chemistry and not good at flirting it's because there's a there's a hi how are you there's a you know uh oh you look really great tonight so what have you what have you been up to oh that's so cool even even when they answer your question even when they're reacting to what you're saying it's very quick you know before before you've even finished a sentence that person is jumping in oh my god they're so cool have you ever been telling have you ever been saying something where you're excited about letting it breathe and you're telling a story and halfway through a sentence someone says that's so cool oh nice oh cool so and you're like wait i didn't even i don't even i'm not even there yet like i haven't even got through this sentence yet and they're already eager to keep because there's a there's a pace that they're trying to go at that's driven by their uncomfortableness with the situations their discomfort in the situation their insecurity their awkwardness their lack of belief in their ability to be sexy reverse that now and look at every situation that tension real sexual tension occurs there is a pace there is a slower more it's heightened it's someone it can be you know sometimes we get preoccupied with what you say to create tension and and chemistry but actually it's more about just observing someone you know when you're telling a story and you can see that someone's half listening to your story but they're half observing you they're half just looking at you we've all had that look from someone where it's you feel turned on by the fact that it's quite clear from someone's eyes that they are both listening to you and not listening and the not listening part in any other context would be insulting but in this context it's not because you know they're observing you from a place of admiring how hot they think you are in this moment yeah yeah they're gonna see you talk especially they can see you talking about something passionately and that's a great time to do it by the way when someone's talking about something passionately or saying something insightful watching them and listening them but watching just a little harder for a few seconds than you're listening and letting them feel that you're watching them and then it's sometimes that moment where they finish speaking and you laugh a little bit to yourself and look away you know it's that moment where you're communicating something you just did did something to me well i hope you enjoyed that i've got something i wanted to give to you before you go it's a free chapter on flirting from my best-selling program how to talk to men and it's just a really great chapter filled with practical advice on how you can flirt of course we talked about the issues of creating connection with someone but no chemistry well this chapter is all about how to create that chemistry if you want to download it now go to getthefreechapter.com and it's yours absolutely free thank you so much i will see you next week you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 417,480

Keywords: Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, Get The Guy, How to Get the Guy, Dating Advice for Women, attract men, keep your man, dating coach, relationship coach, relationship tips, what men want, make him like you, make him love you, how to talk to men, how to attract men, meet men, get the guy, tips for women, flirting tips, texting, calling, love advice, relationships, matt hussey, matthew hussy, mathew hussey, how to flirt

Id: KoA0uRtVTKA

Length: 14min 15sec (855 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 16 2021