Big-Time Moochers | FULL EPISODE | Dr. Phil

my sons Andrew and Justin refused to move out they say they're adult twins you gave them an eviction notice are ungrateful you bought them this house you said the garage was too small disrespectful how do you get them to move out tow truck big time mooches we were raised for the sole purpose of taking care of them this is elder abuse you are being abused L all of us have had to kick George out of our houses will this family freeloader he has with you stolen from you get kicked to the curb I don't plan on living with any one of them anymore even if I have to live out on the street that's good my feelings are not hurt at all well there are just no jobs out there right now my parents knew I wouldn't be able to pay rent or bills when I moved in I'd rather be unemployed than do a job that is beneath me it's been nine years doing the Dr Phil show and I must have heard at least a thousand excuses from mooches take a look my son Ryan is the biggest moocher ever he makes it to the couch and that's pretty much where he sits the rest of the day the couch has now taken the shape of his butt I mooch because it's easier to do than work I mooch because they let me why don't you work I just have a lot of problems I got ADHD I don't like warnings I dislike working I'm getting screwed my whole life what can I do I just have bad luck what is your job plan I'm currently seeing surgeons and CU you can't work because of your back well my 38-year-old brother Jeff is a mega moer he's been living off my 91-year-old grandpa in his basement for 18 years the way I perceive it is as long as I don't have a family to support I don't have to work as hard I didn't have a vehicle at the time so it was kind of difficult for me to find a job I have too much stuff too many cars trailers trucks motorcycles stuff that you can't just move into an apartment Mom and Dad's expectations are too [Music] high well the last excuses were from my first guest 24 year-old twin brothers whose parents Karen and Rex say their cling on kids are driving them crazy my son Ander and Justin refuse to move out this is Mom and Dad's house and 15 ft to the left is the guest house where we live and then the garage is 2 ft to the left of that they're trying to Crea a car business but they're using my home as a base for their business but paying no overhead they're just mooching right now if you look around our property there's about eight cars a truck a utility trailer quads two motorcycles and even a canoe we've been trying to get our sons to move out on their own we even bought them a home it was only a two-car garage and they wouldn't move I can't move out I have too much stuff too many cars trailers trucks motorcyclist we've even offered to pay the rent find them a place to live and they won't go we felt like this house is our own I mean our parents are older so this is how they're here for us by giving us a place to stay we've given Andre in just in a 30-day formal notice I've offered them $5,000 to move they said no they're using all of my storage rooms they've taken over my life they say they are entitled to stay here with us for free because we had them they didn't ask to be brought into this world we went away and when we came back Justin had broken into the house he walks in and out and takes whatever he wants whenever he wants just keep coming over the fence so they destroyed the rod iron so I put bar wire up there the Locking of things is really a nightmare I locked the house I locked the garage I locked my toolboxes we are prisoners in our own home they allow friends to come over and work on their cars when it's against the rules people come over for a drink 1 2 3 in the morning when our rule is that they need to have everyone out by 10 p.m. I'm always up at 10:00 walking the yard to make sure that there's nobody in the yard I'll get up at 1:00 in the morning and there's people in the apartment playing games the television runs all night long it's just abuse they have no respect for me the boys have control of us in our home I know we've given it to them but we don't know how to get it back well I'm kind of speechless listen I I've been doing this a long time and I'm not often speechless um I I'll get to you two in a minute but let me talk to you guys first Rex you don't want them there anymore right they need to be on their own they need to be on their own right so you want them gone they dve me crazy yeah okay and y'all are twins sometimes and how old are you 24 24 are you embarrassed to be living with Mommy and Daddy at at 24 I I'm embarrassed but I've had a few setbacks you know I mean I've crashed twice had bills and stuff I've had to take care of so how about you are you a comfort zone for me fordon me a comfort zone okay you say you don't know how to get them out what what do you mean you you've tried right oh yes what what have you done we we've offered him money to go um bought a home for you've offered them money to go from your house we we've asked them to go like usually when you ask grown adults young adults to go they wouldn't want to stay there if they're not wanted there and they won't go and then yes we've offered the money like they say they don't have money so we're trying to overcome the objections if you don't have money okay we'll give you money we'll sign for you we'll put you up they go no because in three or four months I won't enough have enough money to stay there on my own anyway okay and we bought you bought them this house yes we even bought a house and um you bought them the house you said here's a free house they need well they need to make pay but yes yes yes I I told you Dr Phil I'm desperate you said the garage was too small yes is that right I have too many stuff I can't leave it there like am I supposed to why is that his problem it's not why is it her problem it's not well apparently it is I mean you say I would move but I have too much stuff well that was 6 years ago and we weren't ready for it then I wasn't ready for a house I wasn't ready for it I mean now I'm ready for it but have they offered us that situation now have they had has that money ever touched our hands when they offered it to us no it's not now that's a long they don't owe you that money then they don't but they have never offered listen I'm sorry I'm I'm like having a hard time wrapping my mind around this they don't owe us anything but you you say that which one of you was it said that they we didn't ask to be brought into this world that was you both oh yeah both we were we were raised we were raised for the sole purpose of taking care of them when they get older oh boy that's got to make you nervous I am older start taking care of me I said I said this would be one of the most challenging ones for you Dr Phil oh but see this would I could solve this in an hour if I was just there where you are how tow truck wait wait wait with an S no threaten us seriously I mean come on I mean come on you at least you're disrespectful I mean you don't even Karen and Rex say not only their boys take advantage of them for free rent and bills but they also verbally abuse them take a look at this the boys have no respect for Rex and I just because they're older doesn't mean we have to respect it when she tries to talk to him they blow her off Andrew definitely breaks all the rules he talks back has no respect it's just like it's his house not ours Andrew and I have pushed we've wrestled pretty heavily and uh that scares me Justin does not break the rules but he will be verbally abusive he goes and says the nastiest meanest worst things ever he's like I'm kill you I hope you die old man he'll cuss him tell him to shut the up and like I hate you really gosh and what theory do you two think you speak to your parents in that way I tell me how that works I I don't I don't get that it takes two to fight it takes two to respect it's the two ways to eat really and I and I heard you say I'm not going to respect them just because they're older right no it's an AES thing it's what it's an agist thing well you know what I think you should take your philosophy and pack your ass out the front gate it's what I think I kid you none you can have that high-handed self-righteous sanctimonious philosophy somewhere else are you is there look just one old boy to another here is there something I'm missing I can't figure it out honestly I can't figure this out okay you've changed the locks oh believe me I've done everything there is to do you've put barb wire up to keep them out not to keep the boys out but they're friends because there's a electronic gate and if they don't have the combination which I've change the combination of the the the gate many times they CLW over the rod iron which is low enough to step over so I just finally figured the only way I don't have to check it at night is I know they can't climb over that wi wire up there they could but don't necessarily so you got razor wire on there like I mean come on guys what which one of you said I I want to be clear whether they want me out or not that was you so you're unclear about this yes I'm not unclear the itineries are put differently because every time they're upset at him I get an eviction notice and I get kicked out I'm more than willing to cooperate to pay them rent to help them out around the house to do everything I can and I respect them every day for what they do and what they uh what they do for me you know what I mean but you don't but they just react to me for his actions you mean they kick me out so he does it and they get on to you yeah but then they say move out and then the next day he comes crying I don't want you out I want him out he's the problem are you the good twin I mean that's the way I would put it the better twin are you the bad twin it switches roles honestly as we grow older it changes it flipflops look no money's being paid no rent no overhead no use of tools garages storage anything are the boys making money and not telling their parents we're going to talk about all of that we're just going to do some math when we come back their hobby is drifting drifting is basically of sliding the car sideways at anywhere from 60 to 80 mph the movie came out fast and furious of where it really started when we buy and sell cars we'll buy one for $2,500 and we'll sell the car for $133,000 now do our parents see that money no because we don't want them to see it we're selfish like we want to spend it on ourselves and like the cars I don't even have a place to park my own car cuz Andrew was working on a car in the garage and the garage is totally annihilated welcome back to the Twilight Zone Karen and Rex say their 24y old twins Andrew and Justin are big- time muchers they say the boys beg borrow and even steal from them just so they can relax live rentree work on cars and practice drifting their favorite sport okay do you want them off of your property oh yes okay clearly clearly you gave him an eviction notice that's pretty clear huh yes this is to notify this one was for Andrew you also gave one adjust they identical yes yeah you must leave the premises by no later than March 15 2011 sounds pretty convenient to me furthermore there shall be no car repairs on the upper property beginning in on February 13th now all cars car parts inside and outside the garage shall be removed etc etc it just goes on and on very clear there will be no negotiating don't ask so and you say you just want it to be clear do they want you gone or not I'm fully capable of moving out I have more than enough cars and stuff that I can move and uh sell to move out I can sell any one of those cars I put them up on eBay I have offers I can move out the same day no problem sure so you can sell stuff and afford to move I sell one car and move out just one just one of the many and move out no problem be out in 24 hours okay so what what do you say what do I say you going with him I don't have the same amount of investments in my cars they're not really assets so he has no money he has no way to move out how do you move someone out with they don't have any money or they don't have a normal job you know that you can count on I mean the eviction process everyone says just move them out ask them to leave really how do you do that you can't have have the sheriff come because they they'll threaten you and I mean who will threaten you well the boys have informed me that if you know if they do that that that's the end of our family they'll never see me again and all that but I can live with that because I'm sure that's just talking if it is fine so be it but they don't have any money how would they move so who WR you that um which one said that the good twin no I'm I'm thinking they there is no good and bad they truly do identically take turns yeah they flip and fall and that's been the hard part they can be doctor and Jackal high they can come and be so sweet and and then and then in a moment's beat don't talk to me I don't have time I'm busy can I help you with something and so it's just been very confusing I mean we're not 30 years old anymore we don't know how to deal with this but when you say just move them out how do you get them to move out they won't go they don't have any money they they do he just told you he can sell one car and be gone in 24 hours those are words that I've heard for three years I did that though I did that like what was it 3 weeks ago and you said no you don't have to you didn't allow me to we we already ranged that and I showed you Andrew I put on we already had everybody had the money set I don't agree with that if these guys went out and they rented a warehouse somewhere M or they they had space in a garage or they made a deal with somebody that person would expect them to over follow the rules pay their bills pay their utilities I mean they would that's how that's how grown-ups do business grown-ups don't do business with no overhead no utilities no nothing and then disrespect the landlord on top of that you are these boys will never get traction as long as you continue to empower them to abuse you and and I don't get what you mean when you say how do how do we move them out what Andrew saying here is that he said this to you and then you get you get you cheick it out you go well no I I I don't want I'll feel bad that's not true well that's what he's saying I know that's what he's saying I'm probably the culprit in that it's because they're boys they're my sons right um they just don't want to take a whole of Life they just I don't know what they're afraid of I don't know what the deal is I mean how's out working have a job making $18 an hour when I was 17 years old I had my own home I had a family had everything I don't understand where this is coming from what are they afraid of I don't understand what are you afraid of are you afraid that they can't make it no opposite I think if they could just get out I know they would flourish and they'd go oh my gosh why didn't we move out when we were 17 they are talented brilliant they know how to run a business once they get out Dr Phil I know they're going to think that way do you think it's going to be easier when they're 30 that's why I'm here I mean I doesn't this need to happen now yes you can do it with them or you can do it to them they're deciding that you're going to have to do it to them because they won't go right now you you guys say you get mixed messages from them do you want us to go or do you not want us to go right I'm very clear that's not it's not mixed it's clear but they just it's clear they want you to go it's clear they don't enforce itar why do they need to enforce it which I'll talk about in a minute because that's real easy to do but why do if if you if you know that your parents don't want you there at age 24 why do they need to enforce it is it not clear they need to enforce it's not clear they need to enforce it to make it clear they are comfortable with us staying there because I help them around the house and take care of stuff you mean they're not like normal parents I wish they were younger they could participate in our lives and they don't you know what I mean you wish they were younger they could participate they don't do anything with us like we ask them to go places they won't okay but I mean they were younger other than that I'm sure they wish they were younger we if they made it clear and they cut their heart their strings their heart lose I would move out no problem we still love you we just want you to move out on your own that's not a problem just tell me don't hug me and say oh I don't want you to move out I just want him out don't say that say I want you out didn't that's it does it does it hurt your feelings that they want you to go why are you emotional about it looking at them what about them they're just emotional because he started it two minutes ago yeah do you think they want you to go yeah I'm totally for going I just have to have the means financially to do it okay but you can you you can go get a a a a small apartment and a job a place like I'd rather have a like a mobile home with like not even half an acre just to where I can work my own I'm an entrepreneur just like I follow in his footsteps I don't do well working for people other people well if you want to be an entrepreneur and and you want to deal with cars that's great if you can afford it have at it if you can't get an exciting job in food service if you have to but do something to stair step your way up to it you deal with reality my advice for this family and a little look at what this is all costing when we come back my sons are not only mooching off us and manipulating us but they're ruining our marriage I don't know who Karen and I are anymore Rex and I fight daily about the boys it's made us angry at each other and it's and it's not even about us Karen feels that I should be man enough to make them move out they've taken away his manlihood they have his self-esteem and his confidence and His Image is shot I know that she feels that I should be able to get them out I should have been a better father or should have come up with something that that I just didn't have it just fell down around like years I don't know I really want for us to be alone and have a normal life our kids should not be living with us at 25 well I'm here with parents uh Karen and Rex Andrew and Justin are here the twins tell me what you're thinking and feeling right now it just seems like a hard push um it should be done with dignity and and things without Force I don't feel like forcing it to happen I mean you can have an eviction service you could have Sheriff's you could have this done the hard way but it seems logical they're brilliant they just they just need to understand that it's just time it's just time why do you give yourself permission to be so disrespectful of these two dis I mean I don't know about the disrespectful part because I really have to learn that topic as it is because I'm a growing young man so I've got years to learn it and if it takes a long time then I just have to wait for it to happen you have to wait for what part to happen for me to learn the respect it takes years to learn that doesn't just happen overnight well but you're 24 you've had 24 years and I can choose to progress slower if I'd like to if it takes me 10 more years to mature than a normal person that's totally full that's kind that's fine okay that's fine for you seriously it is if that's what you want to do it is but it you don't that's not your agenda you are not helping this young man by allowing him to stay there I I understand you are not helping him you need to man up yeah that's what she tells me I mean seriously you you need to man up I mean that is a belligerent attitude you know you say it very calmly you you say it very calmly you say well you know some people mature more slowly and if I choose to do that so if I choose to keep 10 more years of disrespect on these people that's my right it's your right to grow at whatever Pace you want to it is your right to say I will not subject myself to this I mean this is this is elder abuse this is elder abuse you are being abused and you need help with that you need help with that but you have the right to the peaceful coexistence in your home with your wife right Karen and Rex say they're not sure how much they spent on the twins they may be surprised because we did some math on this over the last seven years and these are just estimates but Justin's mooching well he he borrowed School tuition $3,000 school books 500 electricity for 9 months in college 13 50 rebuild for a total Car 3,800 ticket for an impounded car 700 junker car for work 2850 200 in food per month for S years is $16,800 borrowed for cell phone bill 300 I mean it goes on and on so his total $ 29,300 Andrew car payment for truck in 09 9,000 attorney fees for unknown ticket 2500 100 in food per month for 7 years $8,400 oral surgery for wisdom teeth 2,100 borrowed a week ago 350 insurance for car 150 his total 225 combined you're losing $800 a month that you could be renting that that space for right yeah seven years $67,200 350 a month for utilities $ 29,400 125 a month for TV 105 it goes on and on and on and then you add in the house that you bought we're talking about a half million dollars here about a half million dollar I could retire I just thought it was around 2,000 a month to keep them there it's is what I my numbers we did the math $449,800 it's just an estimate cut it in half you got A4 million dollars if they are talented if they do have skills they they could have a business here absolutely true but they never will so long as they're living like teenagers with their parents yeah let me tell you how I do this because you know I've been doing this for like 35 years I would do it the simplest way possible and I think the simplest way to do is to sit down with these young men and say okay look we are going to we we are going to put together a timeline for you for you to be on your own and and and we're going to we're going to progress through this and we're going to have an action plan here's how it's going to work you're going to find this Warehouse or this garage you're going to do this whatever you want to do that's up to you we're going to do that and come date certain you are gone if you want what's best for these young men because you're 69 years old what are they going to do when you're not here don't you want them to learn to stand on their own now of course so you can help them you can counsel them need be you can you can give them some advice or some help you need to do that now if you do everything for them and then one day you're not here there's nobody to do it for them then they're really in trouble I understand you sacrifice your rights you say right now I've got a problem you don't deal with reality because the reality is you need these people right now and you tell them to go themselves okay that's not real reality my friend that's not reality but you don't have to underwrite your own abuse right they've got to go you came here because you want them to go then go one of my fears is that I hear it from a lot of people that the kids come back home they come back they go out you get them out you help them out gotten them out yet so don't worry about that I know but that's that's a fear but you you you don't let him come back I don't want them you don't let them come back and it's and listen I think it's okay to help them with the first place to stay and if if you need help like leasing a place then help it's okay there's nothing wrong with investing in your children but you invest in their progress not in their stagnation okay so I I I fully endorse if you're having trouble financially right now I fully endorse you're helping him on a transition basis to have a place to stay and and that sort of thing but it's time limited and end of that time you you see it's coming you you've got to be prepared to take it over on your own and if they need help in leasing a place or something help out are we clear here oh yeah yeah all right next we're going to talk to three siblings who say their little brother's a full-time freeloader uh he even took his niece's TV and sold it for gas money hey he needed to get somewhere what can he say I mean you got to do what you got to do right we'll be right back everyone is fed up with my younger brother George George George is a mooch and a liar and a cheat and a thief I don't ask for anything they offer I accept we've all tried to help him out I let George move in with me because he had nowhere else to go George has lived with me three times George stayed with me for 4 months he laid around and didn't want to do anything he acted as a parasite he did absolutely nothing all of us have had to kick George out of our houses he didn't pay any rent he's not been able to keep a job I've had a a lot of very bad luck he'll work for a few weeks and ultimately he finds a way to get fired he'll tell me it just ended I don't believe that George definitely lies since George doesn't have a job he has stolen things from family members and pwn them for cash I had to pwn this stuff to survive when George was staying with me one day I went into my daughter's room and the TV was missing how do you think I'm supposed to put gas in the car our relationship is different because you've done what you've done to me he stolen a motorcycle helmet for me and pwned it he's stolen watches I just wanted to wear the watch I guess in my brother's mind I I stole it my daughter had a bike that was missing this is the first I've heard anything about me stealing a bike I get blamed for everything I trust George as far as I can see him which isn't very far I wouldn't want to trust him with money or the electronic things he would take George has turned the entire family to totally upside down I don't think any of them understand me at all for who I am that y'all don't know me as I am my brother is 28 years old and he needs to grow up and be [Music] responsible well okay George let me start with you here how you doing in the careeri career field isn't working out too well I have some things on my background that just prohibit me from getting a permanent stable job like like what uh I have a possession of marijuana and a shoplifting charge MH so what's the deal uh well you went to college for three years right yes sir played football in college yes I did but you got kicked off the team no I didn't get kicked off the team I just decided not to return to school because I couldn't play when I wanted to and and they wouldn't let you play when you wanted to cuz you had trouble getting the practice right uh yes I had trouble getting the practice Yeah I played football in college and that looked a lot to me like a job I mean we had a job every day we showed up you went to school in the morning you played football in the afternoon that was your job right but you didn't see it that way uh while I was at the school on the grounds I was able to do that uh when I went home over the summertime I was unable to go back and be there on time and be able to do that okay so you say as long as you got a breath in your body he's not going to be out on the street that's what I said he he's he's my child I mean if he's out there and I don't know I'm don't know what he's doing I'm afraid that he's going to may do something that's going to get him hurt George's siblings say he takes and takes and takes and never gives back we're going to find out why they're so worried uh what he's doing to their mother we'll be right back George is always the victim I get blamed for everything it doesn't matter what it is he wants to place blame on other people my family is very judgmental you take the Avenue that you the victim George makes excuses for everything I feel like everybody is being hard on me he always has an excuse I don't feel that I'm being given a fair [Music] shape do you appreciate your mother yes I appreciate her very much you love her yes I do now you're on a kidney transplant list right right okay and you've been down and been tested to see if you're compatible right yes you've been down and tested to see your compa right you've been down to test your compatible right have you been down to no I haven't okay well that speaks volumes you got money for a medical disability right yes where' the bulk of that money go I I spent a lot of it on him but not the book I wouldn't say the bul too much more than more than should have been more than she should have spent so you medically disabled you're on the kidney transplant list and you're taking money from your mother because you say well she's my mom I mean you you I you we asked you about it we we said you said my mom always wants to offer to help me with money and I don't always say no it's my mom I don't know sometimes how much she has I don't know I say mom if if you don't have it you know I'm okay but maybe I can use like $20 to get some gas to go try to find a job I'm sorry maybe there's something I grew up really poor okay and so when you're really poor you understand if you don't work you don't eat on a day-to-day basis I've been there I understand that why don't you understand that I mean I do understand it if I don't work I don't eat and I don't eat you know I don't it's been times to where I haven't had a job and they're acting like she gives me money r 12 months why don't you get a job I can't hold on to a stable job why not uh that I'm not sure I mean what do you mean I'm I'm not sure I I I go I work you know it just doesn't work out well the number of jobs in your area in 2009 increased by 121% the unemployment rate there is way below the national average I mean you're in a place that has a pretty darn good economy you can get a job but you got to show up every day you got to keep your mouth shut you got to keep your head down and your tail up and do your job and then I do that um I I know what the numbers say that's not why you get fired I don't get fired I don't if I'm working with a temporary company sometimes the the assignment ends and sometimes that's but you know what though if if you're a good worker I've worked tip jobs before if you a good worker you will ask that to the organization the temporary agency will find you another position because they get paid when you get paid I mean and I hang on we got to take a break George's siblings all have something they want to tell him when we come back well George is the youngest of four siblings the older three say it's time to cut him off because all he does is take take take their mom says she keeps helping him because she'd rather know where he is because you're the mom right yes and I want to know he's okay so you going to have him come live with you I mean I don't plan on on living with any one of them anymore even if I have to live out on the street and that's good I don't I don't my feelings are not hurt at all so you're okay if he doesn't stay with you I'll be okay tough love be all right you handle that I think so he has lived with you exploited you stolen from you he's not appreciative of it I mean I'm very appreciative of everything that they've done for me very really I just don't think that they they feel that way because of the mistakes that I've made I mean I'm very appreciative I appreciate everything that they've done for me when you say mistakes do you do you say somebody opening their home to you giving you a place to stay and you stealing from him would that be a mistake yes that's a mistake so that's what you mean by a mistake that's what I mean by a mistake and and and I know you know this may not be rational thinking but I don't feel like that I've stole from them are you kidding me okay so so if I take that watch off your arm and I give it back to you did I steal it from you you've taken things but you gave them back you just used them for a while yeah I mean I know that his definition of giving stuff back is me looking in his car seeing stuff that he's taken out of my house and me getting it back out of his car that's his definition of giving it back and I tell him I say George do not take anything out of this house without asking okay okay he'll come into my house and half the stuff he got on he got out of my closet and I'm looking for it and then he walk into the house with it on like it's just okay okay I I like some of the clothes you wear so I might wear your shirt hey say something are y'all feeling a little bit better down there feel a little bit [Applause] better look there's a very there's a very simple thing here we're not really here cuz y'all are planning on fixing him what you want to do is for her to quit enabling him right exactly and and listen Mom how you define help is is an interesting concept because my definition of help is when you do something with or to someone and they're better off better prepared better trained better equipped after you do it than before that's helping them but you define help as giving whether it it improves the circumstance or not and that's not helping so if if you give him money if you give him excuses if if you let him put something over on you he's not better for that you didn't help him you just made yourself feel better because you were worried about him but when I do it I think he's going to be better well but you've learned that that's not the case correct well if you if you enable him in this way you're crippling him to make yourself feel better he needs to stand on his own two feet and you're helping yourself and not him when you keep him from doing that we'll be right back well I want to thank all of my guests today and look if you're part of the one-third of Americans who say they have a mucher in their family somebody that is not pulling their own weight go to drill.com for advice and tips on how to deal with your mooching family member and remember what I said help should be described as doing something where a person is improved by your doing it so ask yourself is what you're doing really improving the person you're doing it with for or two think about that thanks for being here so long do you have a story or a question for me click the link in the description and tell me what in the world is going on

Channel: Dr. Phil

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Id: LzVTa1JohrU

Length: 38min 1sec (2281 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 14 2024