Between the Sheets: Marisha Ray

- Hello and welcome. On today's episode, I sit down for a jalapeno margarita with Marisha Ray. We discuss everything, from growing up in Kentucky, moving to LA at 19 to pursue her dream, her acting career, producing, and creative directing. Just a heads-up, portion of this conversation deals with sexual assault, which may be difficult for some viewers. I had a wonderful and insightful conversation with Marisha, and I hope you enjoy it tonight, on Between the Sheets. (upbeat trumpet jazz) Marisha. - Yeah. Thank you for joining me. - Thank you. - What are we drinking today? - These are jalapeno margaritas. - Ooh. - Something that I enjoy. - Cheers. - Cheers. - Yeah, when we, when I talk to you about this, this drink came up and I was like, ooh, that's delicious. - We haven't had any tequila-featured drinks yet, and gods, do I love tequila. - It's good, it's the only upper, they say. As far as the hard alcohol goes. - Interesting. Is that the one where they say tequila makes you horny, and all that shit? - Who says that? - Maybe just me! Maybe that's just me! - [Brian] You grew up in Kentucky. - I grew up in Kentucky. - Whereabouts? - Just south of Louisville. - It's Louisville, for the locals, not this-- - Louieville? - Louisville or Louieville, Fuck that. Nah, Louisville. - Louisville. - And yeah, I'd say about 30-45 minutes south, in a small town called Mount Washington, Kentucky. - How small a town is it, or was it at the time? - At one point, I'm pretty sure it's much more now, at one point in our little town sign when you drive in, think it was, population around 8,000. - Wow. - I had about 115 kids in my graduating class in high school. - Wow. - I feel like that's always a good ... - Barometer for how small a town it was? - Yeah, barometer. 'Cause I talk to other people, especially people who went to high school in big metropolises, they're like, we had 1,200 kids in our graduating class, some, upwards even more of that. I was like, ah, no, everybody knew everybody. - I bet, was just about to say, yeah. - There were a few different middle schools and high schools, but it wasn't uncommon to go from kindergarten to senior year with a lot of the same kids. - Wow. - So, a lot of small town gossip, - Everybody knows each other's stuff, - Everyone knows each other's stuff, I remember when I went to this party once, in high school, classic house party parents are out of town for the weekend, let's go over and drink, and I drank a little too much, ended up puking in a bush outside, great time, it was amazing. - 'Course, high school. - And then we all crashed at the house that night. And I drove home, and I probably told my parents that it was some sleepover with the dance team or something highly inaccurate. So I drove home, by the time I had gotten home, by the time we had all woke up, and in the 15 minutes it took me to get home, one kid's parent, or one kid told their parent about me, which told another parent, which was like, well, my mom was the town dog groomer, - Oh, right, right. - So, they'd be like, oh, well, let's just call up Melanie and tell her. So, by the time I had gotten home, I pulled in, she was like, heard from so-and-so that I had a good time last night! - 16 people have called her by that point, and described in detail everything that you had done. - I was like, how the, how'd you-- - Yeah, that's small, that's small town living. - The shit! Yeah, couldn't get away from it. - Snitches get stitches. What is growing up in a small town in Kentucky like besides that closeness of, 'cause you have a sister, - Yes. - Any other siblings? - No other siblings, - Younger sister. - Younger sister, we're 13 years apart. - Wow. - So she was a surprise. - You were a teenager when she was born. - Yeah, I basically was very adapted to being the only child and I was living my only child life and loving it, and then this thing came along, and was like, okay. - Surprise! - Surprise, yeah, so it was a total adjustment for me, and then by that age, both of my parents worked full time, you know, dual income household, we have to, they're both pretty much blue collar parents, like I said, my mom was a dog groomer, and my dad, he sells truck tires to fleets, Waste Management is one of his biggest clients. - Right, right. - So all those semis that you see driving down the street, someone's gotta sell those semis tires, - Right. - That's my dad. So, that meant by the time my little sister came around, I was - Throwing up in bushes. - Some parent, yeah. (laughs) I was token babysitter, just in-family babysitter, so in a weird way, there was a lot of times in those early months, it kind of felt like I was also helping raise my little sister. - Right. - Of course, by the time I got my license, when I was 16, I was one of those kids that was like, bye! - Doing my thing. - I got wheels now, can't keep me down, bitches. - Right. - So yeah, I was kind of definitely gone by the time I had a car. But no, I mean, Kentucky was great, I still have fond memories of it, but I don't regret leaving in the slightest. - [Brian] What age were you when you got into dancing? - I think my parents put me in dance class when I was seven years old. - Did you like it immediately, or was it, they wanted you to do it, get ya out of the house, - I loved it, I mean, a little bit of both. I was, I was a very secure and kind of cocky little shit as a kid, once again, I was an only child. - An only child, right. - I was always a lot more mature, probably because I was an only child, I hung out with adults more, my mom always said I had an old soul. My dad said I was just weird, just depends on how you look at it. - Right. - And so I always would do things like force my parents to sit down when I put on Wizard of Oz behind me, and then I would reenact the entire movie in front of the movie, and would force them, - While it was playing? - While it was playing, and force them to watch my little one-act play. This one-man play of me doing Wizard of Oz. And then I would put on dance recitals at the house. So my mom was like, we're gonna put you in dance lessons. And my response to her, as a seven year old, was, I don't need dance lessons, I already know how to dance. - I've mastered it, - Yeah! (laughs) - If you want me to go to teach the other kids, how I got as good as, - I guess I'll consider it. We'll have to talk about a payment plan, I don't know. - And my mom was like, okay, okay, and threw me in dance classes. And sure enough, I mean right out of the gate, I was entranced, I was in love. - You had a lot more to learn than you thought you did. - I realized I had a lot more to learn, and that I was interested in learning this. - What kind of dancing was it? - Generally, you're starting with little kid dancing, you always have your typical ballet class that you start with, and then I was also doing a little bit of tap, and then a little bit of, what we called lyrical, back in the day. - What's that? - Twyla Tharp, kind of modern-y, jazz, I'm gonna dance to Madonna's Frozen, and be like, it's a little bit more what you see in modern dance styles. It's less rigid and technique and ballet. So that was my favorite, and I always had a solo class, my parents always paid for me to have a private lesson as well. - So you did group lessons and then the private thing? - Mm hmm. - Wow. - I started, There was a time where I was in dance almost six days a week at some point. - Did you ever wanna do that when you were that, obviously, what you wanna do as a kid for the rest of your life changes every year, - Yeah, yeah. - Depending on what you're interested in, what your friends are doing, what you're studying in school, it changes all the time, did you ever think, I wanna dance? - Dance professionally? - Yeah. - Yes, yes, and I knew I wanted to do, I knew it wasn't enough, I knew I wanted to do more, and then my dance studio got a musical theater teacher. They hired on a musical theater and voice teacher, Melody Stacey, and then that whole thing was introduced. Because there was this whole, dance is great, but then there's this whole other realm of dancing and singing and also acting, and then there's oh, I learned there were these things called triple threats. - Mm hmm. - And I was like, that just sounds, - Someone who can do it all. - So badass, you can do all of it, I was like, that's me. That's what I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a triple threat. - And then you transitioned into doing theater and stuff? - Mm hmm. - Around how old were you when that happened, when that change you talked about happened, you decided you wanted to be a Pregot? - 10, or, yeah, Pregot! A Pregot, Pre-me-got. - Uh huh. - That, I must have been, 11, 10 or 11. Yeah, so he comes in with this new-fangled thing, that I'd never heard about, - And it was? - Cats. - Cats. - I got thrown into that, and that was the first thing that we did as a musical. But that was the first time, I mean, we were getting brought on these stages, we were renting stages in Louisville that were 3,000 seat theaters, not that we were filling 3,000, - Right. - Not 11-year-olds filling 3,000 seats, - Right, I was gonna ask about that, 'cause in that small of a town, there must have only been a couple of productions a year, to be able to do, so you probably had to go to the bigger cities to, - Yeah, we had an hour drive into Louisville, and a lot of that was, like I said, out of our private studio, and it was just kind of, basically the end recital of the year. - Wow. - So it wouldn't even, really, professional theater in any way. But all of that did end up leading me to the Louisville Ballet Company, was doing Nutcracker. And you need kids to do like the party girl scenes, - Right. - And the little, toy soldiers, so I started working with Louisville Ballet, doing the Nutcracker, and then that transitioned to the Actress Theater of Louisville, doing The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. - Oh yeah. - They did every year, and I ended up doing Best Christmas Pageant Ever professionally with them, from like eighth grade through to like junior year. We just auditioned and they kept bringing me back, and we would do, from like, we had an A cast and a B cast, and we would just rotate back and forth, because we were still kids, that still had to go to school, - Mm hmm. - But we would do Two shows a day, and you would either do three days a week or two days a week, depending on what rotation you were on, and I started doing that when I was in eighth grade, seventh or eighth grade. - [Brian] What did you feel like when you were on stage? What was, what happened to you, 'cause for everybody there's similarities, but there's also a unique moment or feeling or emotion that struck them when they went out on stage, most of them as kids, - Yeah. - That stuck with them and they said, I want to keep, I wanna keep replicating this feeling? - I feel like-- - What was that for you? - A few, it had a few stages. 'Cause I still remember the first time that I stepped on stage, just for the dance recital, and that was, it felt like, it felt like going to Purgatory, or like dying, it felt like stepping into this other dimension, 'cause you go out and you're alone, and it's just you in this big, amazing space, and the lights come on, and you're like, I mean, it was just, there was no euphoria that could ever top it, and still, in my adult years, drugs, alcohol, whatever, nothing can top that feeling, - Mm hmm. - Of coming out onto a stage. I mean, that's why we still love that when we do our live shows, - Right. - With Critical Role, that initial feeling of just coming out, and it really is that live audience feedback, you get this reaction, and I'm an introvert, by they way, I'm not someone who's like, give me so much attention! - Right. - But it's different when it's, and it's a relationship, and it's, if you can command the audience, and the audience can fuel what you're doing, and it is a cycle that you experience when you're up there. Yeah, so I feel the first time that I realized that the stage was incredible was early in those dance years. I pretty much knew early on that I wanted to do something in terms of acting or theater, I knew that my life was gonna go in a direction of entertainment in some way, and it just took a few years to fully crystallize what that was gonna be. And still is, to be fair. - But that's the way it works. - Mm hmm. - And you have to have that resilience and that patience, - Yes! - That hard work ethic to see it through, it's not that, anybody with talent ends up being successful, we know that's not the case, - Right. - We know a lot of extremely talented people who nobody knows about. - Right. And I think it is, I mean Travis talked a little bit about this in his episode, where you do have to kinda go with the flow sometimes, I'm glad that I wasn't so stubborn in my ideas, what I thought that I wanted to do, that it didn't leave me open-minded enough to discover new things that I didn't even know I wanted to do. - Like what? - I mean like, first it was dance, and dance went to musical theater, and then musical theater went to just, straight acting and Shakespeare, - Mm. - And then, after coming out to Los Angeles, that translated into, - Everything else, - Voiceover, and stuff like that, I mean, voiceover was never a goal, ever. It just, - It's not something kids usually think about. - No, not at all. - I've heard so many people say you don't, when you're watching stuff as a kid, or as a young person, you don't realize, oh, there's a person behind that voice, - Right. - That's just the way that gummy bear talks! - Yeah! (laughs) Magic! - That's it! - Amazing. - It's magic! - Yeah, and that was the other thing that I actually ended up discovering, that I had no idea that I would have fallen in love with in the way that I did, which was everything behind the camera, and producing, and writing, and stuff that I'm now doing now, 'cause if you would've told me as a kid, you know, you're gonna end up being a producer on top of other things, I would have been like, fuck that, I'm a star! - Yeah, that's not a good enough, - That's not me! - Right, you don't even have an understanding of what that really means, - Right, I don't belong behind a camera, I belong in front of it. - Instant rejection. - Right, yeah. - In high school, besides throwing up in the bushes and being caught by your mom, because it's a small town, - Yeah. - You're doing productions, you're doing stuff like that, in the regular social aspect of high school, what kind of a teenager were you, were you nerdy back then, did that develop later, or earlier? - I was nerdy, I wouldn't say I was popular, but I was very content with the friends that I had. But I was definitely looked at as kind of, this, kind of theater, weirdo, artsy, nerdy kid. But I was also kind of living two social lives, because I was in the public school system, in Bullitt County, Kentucky, but then also spending almost every day after school with this whole other circle of friends that I was doing dance and theater with in Louisville. So I think because I had those people, and I had them early on, starting at a younger age, at seven, by the time I had gotten to middle school and high school, and the typical popularity games and the cliques start happening, I didn't, I wasn't as thirsty. - Interesting. - I wasn't as needy for acceptance in my high school, - Or attention. - Or attention, and I remember going from, like going from middle school to high school is one culture shock, I think it was a way bigger culture shock going from elementary school to middle school, 'cause you suddenly have lockers, you don't have to line up to go to the potty, you don't, I remember riding the bus, and like, that's such a weird, transformative few years. So the kids in sixth grade who were like, about 11, versus the kids who are 13 or 14, - It's a big jump. - It's a big, a lot happens in those years, and I remember I have one of my best friends in elementary school, that first day in middle school at lunch, and there was clearly like, the popular girls' table, and it was so important for my friend, we'll call her Jay, to be accepted by these girls, and I remember, I sat at the table, 'cause I was sitting next to Jay, but she was trying to be included, and she was a totally different person. It was like that, overnight, like she didn't wanna talk about the nerdy stuff any more, because Nat was talking about, Boy Meets World, and the lip gloss and have you read this? And I remember, I remember being just so confused, I was like, why are you acting weird? And I was trying to still make conversations, so I was like, erm, anyone playing Tomb Raider? And they all looked at me like, what are you, you're crazy. - Right. - What's Tomb, what? And I was like, PlayStation, everyone plays video games, right, you have a PlayStation, right? And they were like, no, we don't like that. And there was a boy behind me, at the table directly behind us, and he heard me say it, and he turned around and he went, you talkin' 'bout Tomb Raider? And I was like, are you playin' right now? He was like, yeah, I'm at this second level, I can't figure out, I fell in a pit, I can't figure out, and I was like, oh my God! And I picked up my tray, went over and I sat at the boy's table, talked about video games the rest of the time, and never went back. - Wow, it's interesting that seeing someone act in a way that you know they're not, you immediately were rejected by that, and went, I'm not gonna do that, I'm not gonna be fake about my interests or to hide the stuff that really makes me me, just for the sake of popularity, - And I was like, I was bored by their conversations, and I was like, I don't really like these girls, like they were being, and half the conversation, if it wasn't about lip gloss or 7th Heaven, which are all fine conversations, by the way, I'll talk about lip gloss with you, - Great show, great product. - Great product, you know. - Yeah. - But the other half of the conversation was all this like, catty gossip, and being mean to other people, and I was like, well, she was our friend though, like, over the summer, why are we being mean to her now, I don't know. - Right, yeah. - And it just, it confused me, and like I said, I think had I not already kind of, been working at myself, at a young age, and already kind of knew about what I liked and what I was into, and had friends that could support that, I didn't, didn't crave it. - You didn't need that. - I didn't need it. And then, I mean that kind of spurred into a lot of things, the weirder, that they, all the kids called me, the more names that they threw at me, and I remember, back in the day, this was late 90s, early 2000s, late 90s, so they called me a lesbian, like that's a bad thing, 'cause that was like, an insult back then. It was like, well, you're just the weirdo lesbian, and I was like, yeah, girls are hot! I was that person, the more you poke at me, the more, and then I was like, - There's not much of a response to that. - Yeah! - It's hard to come up with a secondary insult, - Right! - You're like, ha ha, you like girls, right, girls are hot! - Girls are great! - Wait, I also think girls are hot, wait, what do I do? - So damn fine. - Zzz, they just short out. - She's not giving me anything, - She's saying stuff I agree with, damn it, I don't understand, what, what if she takes the girls I like? - Yeah! (laughs) - You're sitting there, going, already did. - It's like, you know, please, please. - What other nerdy stuff were you into beside video games? You hit on the video games young, yeah, that's awesome. - Got into video games young, yeah, my dad got me an NES for Christmas, and then we got a PlayStation, and like I said, I was playing Tomb Raider, 'cause you know, when you get a game console for Christmas, your parents are like, I just spent 350 bucks on a game console, you get one game. - You get one game for the next year, until Christmas or maybe your birthday. - Or you work for allowance for the next four months to buy the next game. So the one game that I got was Tomb Raider and that, and that also kindq changed the way that I thought, about what video games could be, and what this industry could be. - How come? 'Cause it was a female game, with, - It was a female protagonist, or I guess, anti-hero, you could almost call Lara Croft? And I think that's what it was, it was, 'cause people always make jokes about Lara Croft kind of being a terrible person, she's only there to steal artifacts from the tomb before the bad guys that you're playing against are trying to get there to steal it before you. - Yeah. - So it's just a game of who can be shittiest faster. And, but that's what it was, it wasn't, 'cause any other time you kinda saw a video game, or a female in video games beforehand, she was always, the one to be rescued, she was the princess in another castle, or there to be the moral compass, and then there was this girl in cropped shorts and a crop top with guns, and the first thing you do is you run in and shoot a tiger, - Right, right. - And you're like, okay! And it was, it was just a different way that we'd really seen women in that medium before. I mean, you could argue we had Samus, but the whole, but Samus being a female was a part of the reveal, of, - Yes. - Whoa, your perception's stuck, brah! We just blew up. - Turn the tables on you, - It's a woman the whole time! - Without you knowing. - Which is great, but we didn't, you didn't necessarily go through the entire game thinking of Samus as, - With that knowledge. - This badass female. - So yeah, it was kinda the first time you'd seen anything like that, and that really, that solidified me being the gamer I was today, I didn't get into things like tabletop games until I moved out here, though, I had Magic: The Gathering in high school, because it was introduced to me by a guy I was dating at the time, so I had Magic: The Gathering, which I loved, it was amazing. But I didn't have D&D, it was even hard for me to get ahold of comic books sometimes, I've read a little bit of comic books, I was super into the X-Men TV show, the cartoon show, - Oh, right, right. - Back in the day, because I was in the middle of a small town in Kentucky. - Not a lot of exposure, not a lot of, - Yeah, and the Satanic Panic hangover from that, from in the 80's, was still lingering. And it had almost just been eradicated, so it never came back, there wasn't like a market or drive for it to come back, so yeah, I didn't play D&D for the first time until I moved out to Los Angeles. - Wow. - But yeah, I was always, always into nerdy shit, but it was the nerdy shit that I had access to. Beyond that, my parents were always into it, my dad played video games with me, - That's fun. - Yeah, it was great. They weren't, and that's the thing, my parents didn't keep D&D away from me because they had an issue with it, they just didn't know about it either. - They just didn't know about it 'cause it wasn't really accessible, - Well, that, yeah. - Where you were. They were, whatever, my parents were children of the 70's, they're like, whatever. - They have fun, I've met your parents, they are fun. - You have met my parents. - They have fun. - [Brian] Where did you end up going to college? - I ended up going to college at this little performing arts school called Point Park University, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I knew I wanted to go to school for theater, for acting, specifically. By that time in my life, I'd kind of, dance had kind of fallen away a little bit, I knew, I knew it wasn't the lifestyle that I wanted, 'cause that dancer lifestyle, that dancer career choice, - It's brutal. - Is brutal. - It's brutal, I have friends that still do it to this day, in their mid-30s, and it's a grind. - Yeah, there's so many ways in which ballerinas and football players have similarities, in my opinion. - Absolutely, absolutely, no, I completely agree with that. - One, even getting into a studio or a company is near impossible, - Near impossible. - And then you're just destroying your body. So I knew that I wasn't up for that, but I'd really fallen in love with acting. So I wanted to go to college for that. So we had unifieds, like college audition, we just called them the unifieds. But basically, 30 colleges would come and they would send scouts, you would go in front of this room and you would do two monologues, a modern and a classic. - That sounds terrifying. - Move along, yeah. - Do you remember the monologues that you did? - Yes, I did, I think I did Desdemona, from Othello, which I've had that monologue for forever, and then I did Truvy from Steel Magnolias. - A great film. - Mm hmm. - What was that experience like, going from a small town and obviously we talked about what that small town life is like, but then you're in a super big city, like Pittsburgh, but then you're also, college is scary enough, you're 18, you're ... - 18, new city, - New city, new people, - Cocky as fuck. - Yeah, you've got confidence. - Yeah, sometimes I look back at 18-year-old Marisha, and I'm like, damn, like, was I a little shit? Yeah, but I wish I had just an ounce of that, a little bit left, not that it's gone, but ... - Of what part? - Confidence. - Mm. - The blind confidence, it was a blind confidence before the world has smacked you down one too many times, and you, you get a little too aware, you've seen into the Matrix too far. - If I remember correctly, you had a co-ed dorm - Yes. - In college, that you stayed in. - Yeah. - What was that experience like? - Well, 'cause I had, probably like a more progressive college than I think, so you could choose, if you wanted to live on an all-female, or all-gender, same gender floor, or if you wanted a co-ed gender floor. And I was like, well, co-ed, like all the way. - Because you had sort of identified a little bit better with the interests that guys have, versus what some of the girls were interested in, - Totally, guys were always some of my best friends, so it was like, yeah, there's no need for me to be on an all-female floor. And I was like, this is gonna be great, and you know, when you go to a new place, and you don't know anybody, for the first time, you reach out to the people around you first, be like, I'm alone, friends, can we be friends? Can you be, you wanna be friends? We can all be friends, and so we all kinda did that, and performing arts schools, there was actually a lot of kids that were coming in from out of state and no one knew each other. So that first day, we were going around and knocking on each other's doors, and be like, hey, I'm your neighbor, if you ever need a cup of sugar, stuff like that. And we were just kinda getting to know the people on our floor first. And one of the guys that I was on the floor with, we'll call him S, for the purpose of this, he was there for a filming production, and other stuff like that. - Right, he was at performing arts. - Performing arts school, yeah, and we kind of, there was this cool little posse that we kind of formed from our floor. So one day, was talkin' with S, and Jaws ended up getting brought up, - The movie Jaws? - The movie Jaws. And I love Jaws, it was one of my mom's favorite films, so by proxy, she forced it to me all the time, and, I mean, it's a great film. So, love Jaws. - Course. - And I was like, I have the DVD of Jaws, or I got a copy of it, let's watch. So, had a little dorm watch party of Jaws. Not even, it was like the first or second shark attack had happened, just gettin' goin', graffiti on the billboard, and S reaches over, and, very unprompted, puts his hand down my pants. And there was, and it's hard to even try and explain myself because I immediately feel like, I have to justify my behavior, that I wasn't doing anything. So every time I tell this story, I'm like, I was just sitting there, we weren't making out, I was in sweatpants and pajamas, weren't looking particularly hot ... - It wasn't that you two escalated to a point where you were uncomfortable with, and you said, all right, that's far enough ... - Correct. - It just came out of nowhere. - It just happened, came out of nowhere, and I was like, I'm, this is not that situation, like I'm, I misled you in any way, I just, Richard Dreyfuss' glasses has, - Right. - Oh man, come on Richard Dreyfuss, - You're missing the best part. - Right, exactly. - Whatever you can say. Right, I can't imagine what that, uncomfortable, - Yeah, I told him no, fine. 10 minutes later, he tries the exact same move again. - 10 minutes going by and, all of a sudden-- - There was nothing, total disregard. - He's on a mission there, makes me think. - And it's like, hands are down my pants. 'Kay, so he tries it a second time, and that's when I'm like, I, okay, you have to go. And you do, you reach that point where's it like, he's gonna either keep trying, and I'm gonna like, freeze and just go, he's being a little aggressive, and you have those thoughts as a woman too, where you're like, well, if I try to start fighting this guy off, is he gonna get even more-- - Is it gonna escalate? - Aggressive, is it gonna escalate, and he's gonna start fighting me on this? And then that's that type of that side of embarrassment that I was talking about earlier, all these million thoughts, it doesn't matter how badass or cocky or strong, or how much resolve you thought you had, when you're in these moments, and you're, I mean, a thousand things are going through your head, and you're like, what did I do, is so much of your first thought, so ... - Yeah, how did I bring this on myself? - Myself, right, next morning, wake up, went to class, trying to scrub my memory of the night before, try not to think anything of it, and I remember thinking, do I address this, do I say anything, what, and then you have the thoughts of, what was this, was I just assaulted? Was this sexual assault, no, that couldn't have been sexual assault, and then I kept thinking, well, at least I wasn't raped. Which is like, the worst sentence on the face of the planet. - Right, but you're trying to process something in real time that you don't understand and so you're ... - Right, and then, just because you weren't raped doesn't mean that sexual assaults you just went through was any less traumatic. It's a sad day for women when one of the first thoughts is, well, at least is wasn't this. - The delineation. - And it so easily could have been, and so I was like, he was my friend, I'm just gonna pretend like nothing happened. And then you start thinking about, I'm listening to Seventeen Magazine in the back of my head, going, 80% of rapes and sexual assault aren't reported! And then you get all this experience as to why. So I go to class, come back and, like a typical college attendee, I had, me and my roommate had one of those little whiteboards on the front of our doors. So people could leave us messages. - Right. - Very, very college. "Hey, bitch." I came back and in block, kind of capital letters, was, cunt. - Written on the whiteboard outside your door - Written on the whiteboard. - Of your dorm room? - Yeah. And I was like, and I kinda looked back and forth, and I'm like, how long has this been on there? Fear, quick, erase it off, go inside, close the door. Maybe no one saw anything, whoa, fuck, fuck. And of course, I'm like, that's, that was S, that was this person. - Obvious to you, because none of your friends, that's not the kind of thing you guys would ... - Yeah, why, what else, warranted that? Come back the next day, go to class, come back, in black letters, cocky actress bitch. Next day, whore. This happened every day, every day, every day. - For how long? - The rest of the year. - The rest of the college year? - Rest of the college year. He started, he got tired, like around March or April. Kinda think started getting bored of it. He backed off, - She's not, she's not crawling her way back to me from these messages, - You haven't gotten - Maybe I should - My love letters? - Give up, right. Some backwards thinking. - Yeah, so he was clearly angry and rejected, and he was like, out to make me miserable. - Did it, or did you have, I mean, you are an incredibly strong person, and I think that this, obviously plays into your story, but it also obviously, definitely plays into how resilient you are, but what effect did that have on you in real time as you're, college is terrifying enough, as we've talked about, - See that's horrible, - In that first year, and then you have this to - Like I said I was alone, - Fucking deal with. - I was 700 miles away from home. And then I was also, I was trying to be an adult, I didn't want to run home to mom and dad. Trying to handle this on my own. - Plus it's a confusing set of circumstances, - Yeah. - And I can see it's not very black and white, as opposed to some cases, so I can see where, telling different people about it, you'll get a different reaction from some people, - Right. - Obviously your parents are gonna be incensed, but I can see where telling someone, someone could say that thing like you said, well, at least it wasn't this, or ... - Not this, we'll just - You led him on, - Erase it. - Or you invited it, just because you had a guy over in your dorm room means you invited him to put your, his hand down your pants. - Right. - You'll get that from people. - And I did, and what I eventually, was like, okay, this isn't going away, this isn't stopping, I tried to talk to my RA, I tried to talk to my teacher advisor, and all of them said the same thing, well, were you drinking? - Oh, wow. - What were you wearing? It's his word against yours, I'm sorry hon, there's not a lot we can do, I don't know if you want to be startin' this trouble, you wanna do this? And I mean, once again, someone who was emotionally just been under, through hell, and that's the response - The response. - You get, so, That told me everything that I needed to know, and if I should pursue it further. - You're shut down the - Shut down. - First time that you try to reach out and get help, or tell someone what happened, why keep doing that, why put yourself through that when everybody's answer is, but what did you do? - What did you do? - What were you wearing? - And that's what I think people don't understand about sexual assault, or rape, and when you do go to tell the cops, you go through several layers of exploitation and embarrassment, and it starts with the first time that it happens to you, and it happens every time again through every time you try and get help, or report this person, and you have to talk to the cops. And they're asking you these things, it's embarrassing. - You have to relive that thing as well! - Yeah, and you're embarrassing yourself in front of whole new, and we shouldn't, no one should feel embarrassed about this, but no one wants to talk about it. Eventually, I was losing my mind by February, and this was still going on, and you can, you can only see cunt, or cocky actress bitch written on the front of your door so many times before it starts doing something to you, you start believing it a little, or like you said, just wondering, what I did to bring this on myself. And I think about that too, this is the place where I slept at night. I couldn't, could anyone imagine if you walked home every day, in your threshold, the place that you found comfort, if every day you walked up and there was a note on your door being like, dick. - A reminder of that thing, - Piece of shit. - And an insult at - A reminder of this one - the same time. - Fucking horrible night, and I'm also knowing that everyone who walks by my door is seeing this. It was very public, so I was losing my mind and went to my RA again, and I'm like, what therapy, and I remember just sobbing, and I'm like, at my breaking point, and I'm in her room, and I'm like, help me, what do I do? There's gotta be, fuck, I know it's him! She was like, you can't prove it's him. I was like, it's fucking him! My friends were trying to do things to help me, like steal his papers, his schoolwork and get handwriting samples, they were trying to be good friends, - Whatever they could to, yeah. - To be like this fucking guy, we have to do something. She was like, can't do anything. She was like, my suggestion to you would be to take the whiteboard off of your door. - Oh, how wonderful. 'Cause that's gonna, that's gonna teach him a lesson. - Yeah, that's the problem. - And put, The problem is the whiteboard. - Yeah, fuck you Target! - You're inviting, it's the same kind of a thing, we put that on, - It's my responsibility. - You're inviting the word cunt to be written on your door by having a whiteboard there, when in actuality, all it is, is a megaphone for him to say, I'm the cunt. But yeah, it's your responsibility to take that down, to make sure it doesn't happen again, versus them going, stop fucking doing this if it's you. - You really kind of nailed it on the head, 'cause that translates now to when I get so frustrated when people harass people online, and they go, and their first excuse is, well, unfortunately, if you choose this life, - Of being in the public, - Of being in the public eye, you're inviting that. No I'm not! - No you're not. - No I'm not, and that should, and that is the type of perceptions that are damaging, and they're excuses, and that's what allows this societal behavior to continue. It was, the whiteboard was inviting the word cunt to be written on it, no it wasn't. No it wasn't. That YouTube comment, where it's blank when you open it up, isn't like, be a piece of shit in me! Shit in my mouth and I'll post it to them! That's not what it is, if that's the way you interpret it, then I think you should re-evaluate some things. - It's the canvas on which we paint what's inside of us, truly. - So, there was nothing else I could do. So I took the whiteboard down. Guess what happened? - Don't tell me he fucking wrote it on the door. - In Sharpie. - Oh, come on. - He just started writing directly on the door. Kept going. - How'd you handle that? - I think I put the whiteboard up, 'cause at least he wasn't fucking defacing the door. - At least you could erase the bullshit that was happening and, yeah. I'm trying to put my mind there, being 18 and all this stuff you already had going on, and then trying, - Yeah. - To think about this. - I did, yeah, and then I'm trying to do college, I'm trying to go to class, I'm in the theater department, I'm, I was all over the place. I had one night where I confronted S. So I guess that's sorta reaching, I was insane. I was, - Trying everything you could? - Yeah, and I don't think you were wrong to say that I was miserable, I was pretty miserable at that point. I think some friends, I'm trying to even remember how this all came to be, but there was, I don't know if it was facilitated with friends, trying to hash it out between me and S, like you could. - That'll fix it. - Like that'll fix it. But we were in the hall, and I remember losing my shit to him in his face. And being like, like I said, we had friends there who were kinda like, watching this whole thing go down, like, oh, fuck. And I remember being like, you did, you tried to put your hands down my, never was that warranted, you tried to do this! And I was trying to like, once again kind of, I was like, y'all whispering, 'cause I didn't wanna, still like, be like, 'cause once again, it was embarrassing, and I'm like, you assaulted me, you put your hands in my pants, and he had had this moment too where he snapped and he went, you know what, yeah, you're right Marisha, and he started shouting and pacing up and down our floor, and he goes, you're right, I tried to finger Marisha! You hear that, everybody, I tried to finger Marisha, I tried to put, I tried this! And I just went, and I, next thing that I remember, is just my hand jettisoning from my body and I was trying to go for his throat, and he saw it coming very quick, and I got his collar. I got his shirt collar. And instant silence from him, and I just saw his eyes go really big. And I was grabbing him, and I was about to fucking beat the shit out, I was ... - You were gonna suck out his soul, but he didn't have one. - Yes, yeah. I was done. And I have him by the throat, and I have him pushed up against the wall to our door, and I remember him grabbing my hand, and he started going, Marisha, Marisha, let go. Marisha, let go. Marisha, let go. By the way, one of the best like, that fear in his eyes, of seeing, of not knowing what I was gonna do next, and he was afraid, and he was like, and I'm fuckin' looking at him in his eyes, and then I remember just, I felt hands on me from my peers, and I remember one of my friends in my ear, going, Marisha, he's not worth it, Marisha, let go. Marisha, they will throw you out of school. - You'll be the one who - You will get in trouble! - Gets in trouble. - If I, and then, they were right. And I had that, man, if I was that, the part that's making me emotional about this, they were right. And it didn't matter what he did to me, it didn't matter that he'd been, months of torture, I would have been the fucking bad guy at the end of it. And I held on to him for a while, and I was just like looking at him, and I, in a way, I am glad that my friends were there, to talk me off of that, sometimes I look back and I'm like, eh, even if they would have thrown me out, I went to LA that summer anyway. (laughs) But once again, when you're 18, I didn't know if I was, if this was gonna follow me, and ... - Yeah, you don't know what's gonna happen. - I don't know. - You didn't expect that, you didn't plan for that to happen, - Fuck no! - How would you have a plan for, how to deal with it? - And I'll never forget just whispers saying, he's not worth it, let go, Marisha. And it was, you had the initial friends like, break it up, break it up, break it up! And then I had a few girlfriends like, talking to me, in my ear, - And they knew what was going on. - And they knew. And my roommate was very supportive. I loved my roommate in college, she was great. And she was kinda there, and once again, she was, everyone was kinda helping in the way that they, we all knew best, we're all fucking dumb 18-year-old college kids, we were all stumbling through life, like the best of us. And yeah, I let go, I then, that was actually, that had to have been like March, I don't actually think he fucked with me too much after that. - I wouldn't. - Like after, (laughs) - I mean, I never would have fucked with you anyway, but I definitely wouldn't have, - It had been most of the year, until I had that, that confrontation. - [Brian] How do you think that's shaped who you are today? That experience, because like I said, you're somebody that's resilient, you're also somebody that doesn't really take a lot of shit, - Yeah. - And I wonder about how that experience has played a factor in those values you have today, because it takes a lot to, it takes a lot to really, you have very thick skin, it takes a lot to get, to affect you in that way. - Yeah ... - How do you think that's helped shape who you are now, all these years later? - It definitely, like, I'd talk about, kind of the cynicism and kind of underlying anger that I do have, that was definitely a part that kind of fuels it, because what makes me angry, when I think back to all that, is it's like you said, I know I had the resolve to deal with it, and I'm functioning so much in my life through sheer stubbornness, in a weird way, in spite, so I, I had the sheer orneriness to deal with it. I know most people don't, though. And I think of all the young women, or just young people in general, male or female, non-gender binary, whatever. No one should experience what that was, and I know that some people, I don't know if they would have survived that. I think about people like my little sister, who's way more sensitive than I am. And those are the people that I start getting concerned about. - You're very protective of people like that, especially young girls. - Yeah, I see so many of our fans, and the Critters, and I've gotten so many messages, these are the people I get defensive of, 'cause I, people know that I tend to be the target of harassment on the Internet, or the people that they want to pick on the most out of the rest of the CR cast, and I see these young girls reaching out to me and saying, I hope Marisha doesn't see this, I hope Marisha doesn't leave or go away because of these things that people are saying, that's one, and then the one that hurts the most is, if this is the way that the D&D community or the nerd community is talking to people like Marisha, I don't know if I want to be involved. - Wow. - If this is the community that's waiting for me, I don't know if this is, if it's safe for me. And that's crushing, that's crushing, and that's what all these people out there need to know, whenever you think, whenever you type, shut up Keyleth, whenever you say, shut up bitch, God, Marisha, you're so stupid, you're not telling that to me, I'm in my own fuckin' little world playing D&D and rolling dice! I'm great, you're not talking to me. - All those other people see that, though. - You're talking to all of these influenceable young people. And fuck you for making them feel like they may not have a place here. And that's when I talk a lot about the responsibility of the community to be welcoming and kind. - Don't forget to love each other and take care of each other. - Don't forget to love each other, you talk about so much. Matt talks about it so much. People like Logic talk about it so much. - We're trying to create a safe space for people and to maintain that, - Yeah. - And it's not always easy. - No. - And it's not that those are the loudest voices, but they're constant. - Yes. - And the thing is, a lot of times people take our, or your, addressing of those type of comments and that sort of harassment feedback and they say, yeah, but nobody pays attention to that, they're, it's a small percentage versus the whole, - Yeah, don't listen to the haters, don't worry, you're good, and like, I thank you, thank you, I appreciate all of that. - But you're not worried about how it's going to affect you, you're worried about how it's going to affect that other person, who is saying, - Yeah. - I don't know if I want to be a part of this community, because there is this element of it that I'm not really, someone that's maybe more sensitive, we're not equipped to handle. - I'm not, I don't have the emotional bandwidth, who knows what these people are going on in their lives, sometimes the last thing that you need is to be thrown into another situation where you're gonna have a bunch of people fucking yelling at you. - Mm hmm. - You know, in even some of the kind of online bullies that we've talked to, I know so many of them have shit going on, and they're using this as their outlet. And I think so many people think that when you say, God Marisha, fuck, shut up, you're the worst, you think you're screaming into a void. But you're not, and you - There's a person - Have to remember, - Behind that comment, and there's a person in front of that comment. - Watching all of it happen. And I think the most mature realization that any person will come to in their lives, and it kind of comes as a transition from adolescence into adulthood, is recognizing that your actions reverberate into the rest of the world. Your actions have consequences, and reactions. And even if you think, man, no one's listening to this. Marisha's not gonna check her tweets, so-and-so's not gonna read this and think, meh, I'm just screaming into a void. You're not. We don't live in a vacuum, you're not shouting into a vacuum, when you do something, it fucking butterfly effects into the rest of the world. Think about it, I mean, think about it. Think about whom, get out of your self-centered universe for a second, and wonder if your selfishness isn't maybe taking away from someone else's potential enjoyment, or joy. And, like, why? Why? - Hurt people hurt people. That's why. - Yeah. - Because you, it's interesting, thinking of that, thinking of that YouTube comment block, as that whiteboard outside your dorm room, - Yeah. - And thinking about the kind of stuff that we see people write about you, and the nice thing is, that those of us who know you don't worry about how those comments affect you, - Sure. - Because we know what you've been through, does it have an effect on you? Does it, or is it, easy for you by now to be able to just go, you know it's not true, and some of the stuff that is true, it doesn't affect me, it's who I am. But there is a person behind, a person behind that online persona, and it does ... - I mean, the words are never great to see, it doesn't feel good, I think the way that it affects me now, I sometimes, once again, I sometimes think, like my RA's suggesting, just take down the whiteboard, I think my solution, when I see people yelling at me online, is I think, yell it into my inbox, if it means, you're not going to go after someone like my sister. - Wow. - But that's a little bit of a martyrdom complex. - But I understand the sentiment behind it, - Yeah. - It's, I have thick enough skin, I'm strong enough to take it, - I can take it. - There's others who aren't, and I wanna spare them this, - Right. - So I'd rather take it on myself than have them deal with it. - I mean, I've seen so many of our young artists end up getting targeted by some of these people, and I see the emotional destruction that it can do to them if you're not anticipating it. And I'm with you, life is hard, the world is infuriating, there are things that make you wanna lash out, and just scream into the Internet about, - But the way a girl plays D&D, that's what you're gonna choose to put all of your frustration into, and your hate? - It just ... Think for a, think a little bit ahead, just a little bit. And it doesn't have to do with me, it's nothing to do with me or even them, but when I talk about that responsibility that we have, and we have as a community, that's what I'm talking about. You know, what we were talking about. 'Cause no one deserves to have anything kept from them or this joy of D&D, or My Little Pony, or any fan, no one deserves to have that kept from them, just because you think otherwise. - Yeah. - And the things going on in your world, you think gives you a right to say these things. Don't steal people's joy, man. It's not fair. - Fuckin' well said. Well said. - Cheers. - Thank you for going there and talking about that. - I haven't talked about that, - No, I know, - Ever. - I know it's not easy, but at the same time, those same people you're being protective of will watch this and be encouraged and understand that, wow, someone that has found success is strong, intelligent, successful, has also gone through this thing that I have and come out the other side of it. - You'll be okay, I think one of the things that anyone will experience if they are under sexual assault is, the victim-shaming, and that's there, it's designed to try and make you feel weak, because the power dynamic of rape or sexual assault, it's all about power, and that continues on after the act, with victim blaming, oh my God, you caught it! - Course I did. - That was fucking amazing! - I'm Mr Miyagi, get rid of it. - But yeah, that victim shaming is there, to continue to make the victim feel like, well, you're weak, you did something. And that's, you're not weak, you were wronged, first off. Two, if someone can not take no as an answer, and still doesn't have the amount of self control to not assault you, you fucking tell me who's the weak one. - Exactly, blaming you for what happened in college is like blaming Jaws. I mean, ultimately, it's as stupid as going, well, if you wouldn't have watched Jaws, - Jaws. - This never would have happened, if you wouldn't have had those sexy pajama pants on, they just, leave it all out there, inviting someone to, - That Coca-Cola! - Man, you strait-laced kids with your caffeine beverages. - You took the agent up on his offer and left college at 19 years old? - At 19. - And moved to LA at 19 years old. - Just turned 19, - Did you know anyone - Birthday's in May. - Out here? - No, I had one girlfriend in college who was from the Valley, Valley girl. So when I moved out here, I moved, - It's Crystal from Oh Hi? - She kinda was Crystal from Oh Hi, kind of, her name was Rainie, - That makes sense. - Uh huh. She was great, but of course she lived here for the summer, and then she went back to college. So I had her for a couple of months, and then I didn't know anybody after that. And I had decided, halfway through this diehard year, this hell year, that, yep, gonna go to Los Angeles, I'm going to finish this, I'm gonna go back home to Kentucky, gather my shit, gather my boyfriend at the time, he was coming with me, and on June 1st, we are out. We are hitting the road, June 1st. The night before we were supposed to leave, it was my boyfriend's last shift at UPS, and at this point we were working overtime, double time, just saving as much money as we could, knowing we were about to move. He falls asleep at the wheel and totals the car. - Oh no. - Complete, the car we had just dumped probably three grand into to try and get roadworthy and ready to go. - Was he all right? - He was okay, he was asleep, they always say - Yeah, 'cause you don't - That about sleeping people, - Tense up and, right. - Yeah, he walked, fine, - How'd you end up getting out here, then, did you guys, did you stay on target, or did you have to change and push back when you were gonna come out? So my parents were like, okay, well, just calm, let's take a couple weeks, re-evaluate, see what happens, and I was like, no! And I was like, it has to be June 1st. My mom was like, what the fuck, why? And I was like, I'm just afraid if I don't do it now, on that day, - You never will. - I never will, I'll like chicken out or something else will happen. So, my parents, being my parents, were like, I guess we can drop you off. I guess we could, I guess, 'cause we can take the minivan, - Take you out to, take you from Kentucky to LA, drop you off and then, - Drive back. - Come home? Wow. What emotions were your feeling driving out here? Were you terrified or were you so young and just, I'm gonna go make a career in Hollywood that that fear didn't set in until later? Or was it a mixture of both? - Um, a little mixture of both, definitely more the latter. The fear didn't set in until I was standing in this shithole apartment, just surrounded by whatever boxes and suitcases we unloaded out the minivan, which wasn't a lot, 'cause whatever you could fit in a minivan with four other people, plus five other people. And I remember my parents dropping off, they were dropping me off and they were leaving, they were driving right back, and my mom was just bawling, my dad's getting choked up, he's doing the dad thing, where he's like (sniffs), love you, love you. He's doing that thing, and I'm just like, (cries) - It starts to hit you at that point. - It started hitting me, and I remember them leaving, closing the door and I'm standing in this garbage dump, looking around, and my first thought was, okay, okay, I need a job. How do you get jobs? Got a newspaper, look in the back, looking for jobs. And there was this ad that said, we're looking for canvassers to help spread the word for the Democratic National Committee. - Oh, okay. - We need people on the street and I was like, I can do that! And I was very thankful for that job, because we would meet in Westwood, at our offices, and then they would just pair you up with someone else, and they'd say, you're going to Silver Lake, you're going to Westwood, you're going to Santa Monica, you're going to Ventura, and, - Spend the day out there with the clipboard, - Uh huh. Yeah, all those people that everybody just pretends they're on the phone for, to walk by, you don't wanna get stopped. That was me. - That was you. - I did that, my boyfriend at the time was working back in Kentucky, was working at a job at American Eagle Outfitters, - Oh, right. - And he managed to get transferred to the American Eagle on Hollywood Boulevard. In the Hollywood and Highland Mall. So often, when I was done with work for the DNC, I would go, hang out on Hollywood Boulevard and I started noticing all these street characters. I could have my mom send me my tap shoes, I guess. Could like, maybe that'd be cool, right? Was like, mom, ship me tap shoes. She did, just started tap dancing, people would gather, throwing in fives, quarters, and I realized, if I kept going, people would just stay. They thought it was like a routine! - That had a beginning and an end. - And so I'm just like, they're not leaving. - Getting tired. - Fuck, I'm getting tired. And then I did that for a couple of hours, and I was like, fuck, fuck, I'm gonna take a break. And I pulled my little bucket aside, I sat down in Hollywood and Highland Mall, and I started counting, in dollar bills and quarters, and I had made 80-something dollars, in like two hours. - Wow. - So in my brain, I'm doing the math, I'm like, well, I make 73 dollars a day - With the clipboard, right. - With the clipboard. I just made 80 in two hours, sure it's in dollar bills and quarters, but that's 80 bucks. Two weeks into this, I'm like, oh, my joints and my feet are bleeding, maybe this is, this is a lot to do all the time, and there was this guy from Canada, call him Canadian Batman, he kept walking by, and every day, he would walk by me and he would go, you're workin' too hard. Every day, you're workin' too hard, talk to me when you don't any more. I'm like, who the fuck is this guy? And then like, he's pulling out this wad of cash, and he's like, just take pictures of people as Batman. And I was like, fuck! Fuck, he's like, look, I'll do it with you if you wanna try it. And I was like, you're Batman, Poison Ivy's one of my favorite comic book characters, I was like, I'll make a Poison Ivy costume. Turns out, the majority of the public at large can't recognize Poison Ivy necessarily on sight. - They don't know, right. - Yeah, skeezy dudes were just like, hot babe, fucking leafs, yeah. - Look, I'm tree hugging. - I got, Wife of the Jolly Green Giant once, - Wow. - That was my favorite. - That, that's impressive. - That's inspired. - That uses some imagination. Honey, you know that guy you love from the can with the vegetables, what if he was married? - You know how you hate - That's what she's - Eating your green beans? - Tapping these days. She's bringing representation to the canned vegetable business at last, a progressive costume. - Yeah. (laughs) - Get my daughter to take a picture with her. - Now eat your greens, honey. - Right, right, right, what are some of the other outfits you ended up wearing? - Well, I ended up transitioning from Poison Ivy, one day, when I didn't have Batman, and I was doing terribly, making no money, and no pictures, nothing, just standing there, embarrassed, a little girl runs up to me and she goes, Tinkerbell! Tinkerbell, and of course, when you're starving, and desperate in Los Angeles, you go, yes, little girl, hi, fairies, let's take a picture. And, fuck, Tinkerbell! And then about this time, I turned round, and I looked at the El Capitan behind me, and they were playing the Tinkerbell movie. - Oh right. - That CG Tinkerbell movie that they did, and so I, took a picture with that little girl, had that realization, went, hmm, immediately walked down to Hollywood and Highland Costumes, bought a pair of fairy wings, threw my hair up in a bun, and instantly became Tinkerbell. And walked back out, (clicks fingers) started just cleaning house. - Really, that was the ticket. - That was the ticket, and then I eventually made an actual Tinkerbell costume, one that looked like the movie, that wasn't so Poison Ivy, did the whole heart-shaped thing, poofs on the little shoes and everything. And when those, 'they made three of those damn Tinkerbell movies! - They did? Oh, so you just kept - (kissing sounds) - It up, you made more money off those Tinkerbell movies than the people who made them, probably did. - Probably did! (laughs) - Right, right. - And on a good summer day, you'd stand out there for eight hours, and if those movies were going, I can make 500 bucks in tips. - What was your biggest takeaway from that experience? 'Cause for people that move to LA at a young age like you do, to make it, of all the odd jobs they end up working, - Yeah. (laughs) - That's usually not one of 'em that you hear about in LA, so, it's such a unique experience, I wanna know what you took away from that. - That is an excellent question. I'd say it definitely opened up my mind to the amount of different people that there are in this town. - Right. - 'Cause every person who was out there on the Boulevard was working for some sort of different reason. It was all kind of always out of necessity, not because you chose that as a job. And you just, you start to learn a lot, I learned a lot about the homeless culture in Los Angeles, 'cause some of these people were homeless, I had friends who were from overseas, where their visa kinda, they were starting to run out of money on their visa, and needed something to supplement cash, and you just really start to see the different people who are willing to put in the time to get out there, work all day, because you're your own boss, no one's forcing you to get out there, so one thing you can't deny about people who are out there working on the Boulevard is you're bustin' your ass. - Yeah. - It was a hustle, I took away from it that maybe I am a hustler. - Yeah, you worked hard, for three years after getting here, that takes, that's, to get up in the morning and go back down there and face the kind of stuff that you probably faced, - Yeah. - That I see those people face when I go down there, is definitely, - Just gotta keep going. - Develop thick skin and hard work ethic, which you already clearly had to be able to do that. Yeah, think that's-- - A friend of mine once called me a gritty survivor when I was working on the Boulevard, he was like, you're like this gritty survivor, and I was like, thanks! - I've been through some shit. - Yeah. - I know what I'm doing. - Yeah. - It's in my blood now. - And were you taking auditions and doing stuff still, during all of that, just kept it going, - I was yeah, - You never let that part die, it was still, this is, I'm doing this until this happens. - Yeah, it was like the only flexible job, 'cause I could go and bust my ass for 12 hours if I wanted to, if I needed to make rent, and if the next day we were shooting all day, I didn't have any boss to report to, I could just go and do it. - Then you can just go for two hours if you wanted to, or not at all. - Right, so I ended up signing up for an improv class, the cheapest one that I could find. And I started taking classes, and that introduced me to other creative people, and we started trying to make web videos, I ended up meeting this girl named Becky Young. Becky was a part of this little web series at the time, that I was a fan of, and was watching, called There Will Be Brawl. - Right. - One day she was like, I have this idea for like a, pop culture, nerdy, sketch show, it's gonna be like SNL, but nerdy. And I wanna bring you on as a writer/actor, just like the good old days of SNL. And I was like, yeah, okay. And she calls this meeting at her house, we're sitting there, we all brought ideas, and she kept being like, let's wait a little bit more, 'cause Matt's on his way, Matt's on his way. I'm like, who the fuck is this person? 45 minutes into the meeting, in comes this, two people, two guys, Matt Mercer and Matthew Key. - Oh wow. - And, Matt walks through that door, and it was like, - Slow motion, - Yeah, - Shampoo commercial, - Sparkles, - Right, right. - And I was like, - Glory. - The fuck is this guy? Was immediately taken with him, I always like to say as a cynical, jaded bitch, the love at first sight, would not believe it, if it wasn't for Matt Mercer walking through that door. - Changed your mind completely about the concept. - Soon as I saw him I was in love. - Wow. - Fucking in love with that guy. And, - That's where. - Yeah, he was funny, he was this like, gangly, long hair and still had glasses at the time, nerd, and I was just like, mm, just my type. Gangly, nerdy boys making video game jokes. And that kind of ended up, that whatever we were trying to get together to write, didn't end up happening, but that, - That web series thing? - Yeah, the web series thing. - Right. - But that introduced me to Matt Mercer, Matt Key, my friend Tracy, all these other web series people, all of them, Tony Janning, a ton of people that make web series now, Woody Tondorf, still a good friend of mine, and we were all lowly Internet shits. Just trying, and all of that culture came from well, this writers' strike is going on, I was getting frustrated because I kept getting cast as these super trite roles, and was like, I know I can be like this super nerdy girl who's like, and I knew I could be this tough badass, who can do this, and no one wanted to give me a chance. - Right. - In Hollywood, you have to show them what you can do. No one's gonna give you a chance, you have to show people what you can do. - Yes. - And once that started clicking in, that led to me doing Batgirl, - Right. - And stuff like that, it all took off from there. - Online. - And I mean, so much of it was a little self-serving, not just for me, but for all of us, because we were a bunch of talented kids who couldn't get work, so we just started being, fucking take this industry! - We'll do it ourselves. - We'll do it ourselves. - We'll make it ourselves. - Yeah, and so I'm very proud to say that I was kind of a part of this weird Internet surge that happened in 2007, 2008, 2009. Right at the time of The Guild, Felicia Day - Right. - Was doing The Guild - In the vacuum of - Around that time. - The way the industry was shut down and everybody just sort of started doing their own stuff online. - Yeah, you gotta keep going, your bills still have to get paid, - You have to work. - You gotta work, you better work! - Gotta work, baby! - Work, bitch! - [Brian] When does voice acting come into the picture? - I had eventually started dating Matt, - Right. - And was kind of introduced to all of these voiceover people. There was a time where I was at BlizzCon, and I did an interview, Liam O'Brien, but was part of the production, my co-host interviewed him at the time, and this was before the game, that was before anything, I was still a fan of him, I took a picture with him in front of the Illidan statue, - No way, wow. - So I kinda started meeting all these people, Laura Bailey being one of them, Yuri Lowenthal, and one of the people that I met was Valerie Arem, who works over at PCB, and Chris Zimmerman, who's also a big voice director. - Voice director, right. - And both of them were like, do you have reels? Where's your voiceover reel, you got this like, got this really interesting timbre to your voice, like I wanna make you do battle cries. And I was like, nah, I don't have a VO reel. And they were like, why not? And I was like, well, you know, I think this conversation happened with Laura, I was like, I don't know, Matt's in voiceover, and they always say, actors dating each other, can be weird, and I was like, it's fine, and I'm doing on-camera work, and have this video game thing going on, and he does voiceover, we kinda keep it a little bit separate, that's his thing, I don't wanna encroach on his thing. And Laura was like, that's stupid. And I was like, okay. She was like, you should just do it. Three people in one week were just like, that's dumb, make a damn reel. - There's room for you both to live out your dreams. - Exactly. - Ultimately, right. - Exactly, so I threw together a reel, and blasted it out to everyone that I knew, and that next week, Valerie Arem hit me up and she was like, glad you got this, I actually have something right now that I think you would be perfect for, 'cause we've lost one of these actresses. And that was Margaret for Persona. - Oh, did they ever find her? - Did they, turns out she got lost in Babyland, - Got lost, oh yeah. - Another actress moved away and decided to change her life direction, - Happens all the time, right? - As happens in Los Angeles. - Right, yeah, I'm thinking about doing it right now. - No. - Just kidding. - Every third week, you have a meltdown. - Every other week, yeah, its true, though there are those first few years in town, when you're struggling and you're thinking about, I could just go back home and work a regular job, and just be a regular person. - Have a house, - Right, yeah. - With a mortgage that's cheaper than the rent that I'm paying. Yes, so I just kinda hit the right time, just immediately, and then it turned into, oddly, the path of least resistance in my career. It was just, it just kinda started, - Happening. - Happening from there on out. And part of it was because I was a female actress with this lower vocal timbre, and you don't, there's plenty of us out there, me and Courtney Taylor, go head-to-head all the time, so there are definitely smoky-voiced women out there, but not as many, and they were really looking for it in the industry at the time, so it just kind of ballooned from there. - Worked out. - Yeah. - You and Matt are together, you've been together for a little while, you're living together, you have an apartment, - Yes. - And how did you first hear about the idea of doing a D&D game for Liam's birthday? How did that happen? - Probably in the average way that happens with Matt and I, where he'll come back and just rattle something crazy to me and I'm just like, Oh, okay. - Sounds good! - Sounds great, sure. So he mentioned, he was like, yeah, Liam's wanted to do this game for his birthday for a while, and he was like, it's gonna be a table full of all new people. And none of these assholes know how to play. - A daunting task from the beginning, right? 'Cause you guys had played in a game together that he co-DM'ed, right? - Correct, he was co-DMing with Zach Hanks at the time, and I was in that game with Taliesin at the time, so we were already had that going on. So, Matt was like, okay, I'm gonna bring in Taliesin to be kind of one of the ringers, to help, - 'Cause he's played before, - To be the person that, - Right, he talked about that. - To lead by example. - Right. - And Matt was like, Would you be willing to be there, to just, kind of be an extra set of hands and help coach? I was like, yeah, sure. So that first game, I didn't actually play but I was there, but I was just the disembodied hand that would reach over people's shoulders and point to things - Point to the abilities check - On the character sheet - They needed to, yeah, add this and this, right. - Roll your attack. Uh, pink, okay, plus seven, plus seven, got it. So that was my role the first game. - What was that night like, was it, were you impressed at how everybody, minus maybe a few people who weren't too comfortable, kind of slipped into everything - Oh yeah. - And had so much fun right away? - I mean, it's it's now legend, - Legend. - How Laura Bailey slipped into that persona so quickly, - Right. - I remember, I will never forget both Liam and Sam, Liam especially, giggling uncontrollably, like schoolgirl giggles, for the first 45 minutes. - I bet. - He could not get over that it was even happening. And, it's us and it's Matt Mercer, so I was like, lighting incense, and we had a ton of tea light candles, just all over the place, and the music going, and the lights were dim, so we were really going into the theatrics of it. - Leaning into the mood and the atmosphere? - Yeah, but it was crazy to watch and yeah, it was awesome. - And you ended up joining the game after they decided, let's make this a semi-regular thing after that experience. - I think it was me and Ashley, both came in when the decision was made to continue on, and so Matt was like, well, if this is gonna be another D&D game, you know, make sure my girlfriend is a part of it, 'cause this is a significant amount of time to do, so I wanna make sure, if I'm taking free time away from us, that you're a part of it, so ... - And you fit in to the voice actors playing D&D thing, 'cause that's who you were and are, and so it seemed, - Yes. - It was a good fit. - It was a good fit, I mean, these people were all my best friends now, but at the time, I was so intimidated. - I bet. - 'Cause it was like, soon-to-be BAFTA Award-winning Ashley Johnson, and Laura Bailey, queen of VO and video games, and Liam O'Brien, voice of Illidan, so part of the reason that I made Keyleth, kind of an introverted, fumbly, put her foot in her mouth, type of character, was because I was like, well, I might just do that a few times, so if I make it a part of my character, they'll never know when it's real or not. - 'Cause you're geeking out a little bit, to a certain extent, so why not build in some RP that can coincide with what you're already feeling outside the game? - Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I was at this, just thrown into this table of all these people that I deeply respected. And just being like, hope they don't just throw me out, don't run me out on a rail, please don't, it was crazy. - Please don't be mad if I play bad or forget the rules. - Yeah. - Right, right. - You and I have talked about Keyleth for so many hours and hours on talks and panels, and things like that. Was there a point in the story for you where you went, okay, I've really, I don't want her to just stay this the whole time, I really want her to have a fleshed-out arc. - I remember, when we did the White Stone Arc, and that was so focused around Percy, and so much of that was, a lot of Percy's journey super up front, and then that was when I started realizing, oh, my thing is like, it's gonna take time. It is a journey, at the time I don't think I really, truly knew that it was gonna be this huge marathon of a story, but it was after kinda seeing other people's stories play out, and I was like, oh man, hoo, and I knew at that time, that I really wanted to experiment with seeing how the world, over a long course of time, can start to affect somebody. You know, raising a child, it's not about nature versus nurture, I think it's nature and nurture. I don't know why we always feel like the two can't be, the two are mutually exclusive. And I feel that way just about adulthood, and just growing up in general. You don't change because suddenly you wake up one day and have a realization, the world impacts you. Things around you affect the way you react to them. - People you're living life with. - 100%, they're all gonna influence you. And that was a lot of what Keyleth was about, and her whole backstory was that, she hadn't been affected by the world, that was what I kinda wanted to see where she would go, and at the end of Keyleth's journey, I kind of felt like, she had the most melancholy of endings, like Grog and Pike went on, and were best friends forever, and he was godfather to all these little Trickfoot kids, and Pike and Scanlan went off and Vex and Percy went off and had a bajillion kids, and everyone was kind of happy, except for Keyleth. And I think that's because with no barrier, without that outer shell, that people like the Twins got as kids, to kind of condition you and make you tough against the world, she just took the full weight of it. - Wow, going back to what we talked about with the feedback, we'll call it feedback, we'll be nice to the trolls, we'll call it feedback, - Yeah. - You got on the Internet, did that factor in to the personality traits that Beau has, do you think, was there any part of you that thought, I'm gonna be a little less risky this time, I know what annoys people, because every time I open my phone, there's a hundred messages telling me - Telling me, yeah. - What annoys people? Did that factor in at all when you were ... - I'm fascinated when it comes to characters, I'm fascinated with their faults. 'Cause I think faults are what make people interesting. And the reason why I love acting so much is because it's just such a deep study of the human condition, - Right. - And D&D almost tops that in a weird way, because you're reacting in real time to what's going on around you. So with Beau, I knew she was going to be heavily flawed, and I don't know, I knew she was still gonna be abrasive, I think that people, people clearly found Keyleth abrasive, there's certain people who find Beau abrasive, I know there are a lot of people who just find me as a person abrasive, though. - Sure, sure. - So, what are you gonna do, what's been fascinating me, seeing the difference between Beau and Keyleth, are the people, some people who loved Keyleth can't stand Beau, and vice versa. Much more the latter, I think much more people hated Keyleth but love Beau, and I actually do find that fascinating, because Beau is arguably more of a shitkicker and more of a selfish person, whereas Keyleth was just trying to do the best that she thought she could. - She was earnest. - Yes. - She was very earnest. - So earnest, but just trying to do good under the worst circumstances. Beau has a little bit more confidence, little bit of that cocky surefire attitude, but is kind of a way more shittier person, and people fucking love that about Beau. - It's interesting, isn't it? - They love that. I think it's a little bit of confidence, I think people react so strongly to either confidence or a lack thereof. And we, as a society, hate people who are insecure, in any way, even if they're the better person. If we sense insecurity on them, it's like, it's like blood in the water - Oh yeah. - For sharks. - Yeah, yeah. Especially if I'm someone who struggles with being insecure and I see someone who's insecure, it's like calling me out. - Yeah. - So I want to attack - It's like a mirror. - That thing, 'cause - Right. - It's a mirror, ultimately, and I hate that about myself, so I'm gonna project that onto, right. - And I think a lot of people, with Beau, almost feel more comfortable because I kinda think the majority of people feel like we're shitty. So I don't know if that's the connective tissue. I don't know. - It's totally - It's fascinating. - A much different group, so there's the character studies, these are yet to be turned in because there's no arcs that have really happened yet, - Right. - But I am interested to see where everybody's gonna go, because they're not the archetypes that, - Yeah. - The characters in the first game were. - And I remember, one of the things that actually bothered me the most, about what people said about Keyleth, she could annoy you, she could have been self-righteous, whatever you think, totally, I'll give ya all of that. I remember, kind of later in the arc, when she was really trying to come into herself as a leader, and accept the role of being Voice of the Tempest, and having a hard time doing that. And I remember getting flooded with people being like, I hope that Keyleth sees that maybe not all people are meant to be leaders. Just walk away, abandon it, you're not cut out for it. And I'm like, why, though? - Someone can't grow - Yeah! - And learn, - And you can't be, insecure and still be a good leader? Like, why? - Makes sense. - I don't know, why, and I then think it's because we have such a strong idea in our heads of what a leader is. It's this stout, strong, and a little bitchy and bossy, but still the people's man, - Right. - And I think, once again, any type of questioning or self-doubt, and people are like, can't lead, shitty leader. It's like, - Leave some space. - Leave some space. - Remember this leader is - Let stuff breathe - Human and it's not AI, its not an immovable force. - Yeah, so I'm, in a way I kinda took those, those were the one comments that I was like, nah. Keyleth is gonna lead, she's gonna show that that you can, that people like Keyleth can rise to the occasion, fuck you. - Towards the end of the last campaign, amidst all the craziness that that presented, - Yeah. - In the game and outside of the game, and the looming second campaign coming up, all the stuff that you guys had swirling around in your heads, plus all the other work you're doing outside of Critical Role, you got married in the midst of a shitstorm, really, of good stuff, but, - Yeah. - It was a tornado and a hurricane meeting each other. - Yeah. - What was that like? You guys had been together for how many years? - Oh my God, six years. - Yeah. - Six years when we got married, so we'll be together going on seven coming up on October 21st. - Couple of weeks, your anniversary, your first anniversary, - First, - Congrats, cheers. - Thank you. - You did it. - Mazel Tov. - You did it. - I did, I'm surprised he didn't file for, what's that, when someone before, - Alimony, uh, what's it called when you ... - Before divorce, when you're like? - Annulment. - Annulment, yeah. He didn't file for an annulment, so I'm doin' pretty good. - That goldfish night, did you go home thinking that would be the night? - I'd be lying if I didn't go home and I was like, the fuck? - Right. - The fuck was that? - Right. - You dash my character on the fuckin' rocks, I mean, turned out to be one of the very iconic moments of CR, so no regrets. - None at all, don't ever regret that. - No regrets. - It's interesting, 'cause we've, I've talked to the couples on the show about the Taco Bell drive-through arguments about what happened in the game, you know Laura, Travis, you and Matt, Liam and Sam, but what was it like trying to plan a wedding and execute a wedding in the midst of the end of that campaign and all the stuff that was happening? - I had no idea it was gonna be so emotional, and that was, that fucked with our heads. - I bet. - On a deep level. - I bet. - 'Cause that campaign coming to a close, I mean, it felt like saying goodbye to not only this person that you've had in your head for six, five years, but then also all these eight other imaginary friends, and then Vax walking off into the sunset and fading away, was just like, it was emotional and it felt, it felt like grieving, like we all kind of deeply aware we were in this weird kinda haze and funk, I don't know, that was two weeks before we got married. So I'm just, super emotional, I'm playing, certain songs would play on the radio and I would just start bawling. - Right, just raw - Just raw. - All the time, basically. - Yeah, just knowing I'm about to make this huge life-changing move while coming out of this life-changing campaign, and then just crying over people who don't exist any more. My parents were also kind of at the end, maybe in the thick of, a divorce, - Right, that's right, that was happening at the same time. That's right, oh man. - So it was like, I'm about to swear my love to this other individual, my undying love for the rest of our existence, while my parents were like, well good luck, hope it's better for you. Hope it turns out all right, I'm like, thanks, Dad. He's like, nah, your mom's great. - Right, right. - I'm like, - This isn't the confidence - Jesus. - Boost I need going into this, right. - Yeah, it was ... That was an interesting time. - How's the first year been for you? - Oh, amazing. - Well obviously you ... - I mean, we barely see each other. - I was gonna say, if we thought stuff was crazy back then, fast forward to a year, and here we are. - I don't, we'll have like our staff, or assistants, tell us about something else that the other person has going on before we hear it from each other. The biggest fallacy is whenever anyone comes up and goes, what's Matt doing this Friday? I'm like, I don't know. - Couldn't tell ya. - I have no fuckin' clue. - Right. - You probably know more than I do. - Right, right. - Yeah, we're, I mean, it just ramped up, we're so, so busy, - Do you like working together, do you like working with him? - I do, we, we usually have a pretty good working relationship. We also kind of have different pillars though, like I'm running the channel, I'm in charge of content and all that, and he's kind of the overall chief of creative for the entire brand, so he's just, - He's truly the keeper of the Critical Role that way. - He is, yeah. He is making sure that we continue to have an ongoing story, that the world is fleshed out, the things are accurate, so he's so consumed with that, and that's a full-time job on its own. - Big time, big time. - We, all of us, basically have three full-time jobs between VO and whatever the game is and whatever running the company is, and then personal lives, - It's a lot. - It's a lot. - Right. - Yeah, I miss him sometimes, we miss each other a lot. - I miss him too. - Yeah. - I miss you, Matt, no, - Love you. - He's not really over there, just kidding. - Throw him some steaks. - Here's your lunch! - Speaking of full-time jobs, you are now the Creative Director of Critical Role. What does that job entail, for the folks that are watching this that maybe don't, aren't familiar with our weird jobs in this industry, and what those titles mean and stuff like that? - Yeah, weird, weird titles. - You were doing this at Geek and Sundry, and then when we came here to do this, this is the ultimately the house that your brain gave birth to in a lot of ways, what's your job as Creative Director like? - So my job is Creative Director, anything you see that airs on the channel, I touch in some way. Even if it's just final looksies, edits, anything like that. - Notes, - Notes, and that comes down to, I mean, it comes down to everything, it comes down to any type of promos we have, new shows, even down to what subtle branding we have on the backgrounds of our sets, that's all show logos, music, themes, anything like that has a little bit of my funk on it. - But you've also taken the shows from an idea to a reality, too. - Yeah. - And that whole process before this, before stuff even airs, - Correct. - It was an idea on a piece of paper and then all of a sudden, it becomes, take All Work No Play, for instance, or this show, here's an idea, how do we make that idea a reality, and then, all the time, the crew, the sets, all the post-production stuff, that's all, that all falls under you. - All under that, yeah, it's all, yeah. Everything starts with a one sheet and a pitch and either I'll have an idea, or you will have an idea, or someone else might come with an idea, then first thing you've gotta do is get it on one sheet of paper, not front and back, just give me that one front sheet of, - What is it? - What is it? I gotta have at least the vaguest of notions by this one sheet. And then we take that, and we drop it down on the table in front of everybody else, and we say, like, I think we can do this, I wanna do this, wanna do this, - We pick it apart, really. - Yeah. - And then your job is to put together the pieces of what remains and turn that into something that's quality. - Right. - It's not easy. - Yeah, sometimes ideas will change a hundred times throughout the process, you'll get new ideas, you want to go back to the drawing board, you discover more things, so yeah, that whole process from start to finish, and the creative, and even with All Work No Play, we knew it was gonna be, okay, let's figure out how we can take the podcast and turn it into a show. But we went through a lot of thoughts like, is this gonna be the type of show where you have confessional talkbacks into the camera? And the guys are like, so, (makes vague conversational noises) or is it gonna have, your classic hosty stings, where they're like, hey guys, so we're here at Goat Yoga, you know, we didn't know how much interaction with the audience there was gonna be, and we decided to go super real world, just wanted to catch your experience, and we were kind of calling it the drunk history method, where they're reviewing - Talk about it. - It in studio, and then kind of flashing back to what they did, and that felt the most true to the podcast and what it was. But yeah, just saying like, All Work No Play, The Show, is the easiest part of the entire process, - Right, and the rest is so difficult. - You have to - People probably don't - Figure it all out. - Understand how difficult something like that is, and how many hours ... so what percentage of your week is spent working on stuff for the channel, and then you're trying to fit in voiceover stuff at the same time, and then you also have to prep for Thursday nights, - Yeah, - There's a lot of days where you're here working on stuff up until - Very last minute. - Max is yelling at you to get in there to sit in for your seat, and then when you go home at midnight, you're still answering emails, - Emails and questions, - So your week is, - Yeah, it's 24/7, and that's, I feel like that's such a huge part of about just the industry in general that people don't understand, is that if you wanna make it in this town, your phone is always on, you're always checking emails, half the time you're shooting on the weekends, - Right. - Because people are working day jobs nine to five, during the weeks. I spend most of my Sundays now reviewing edits, making sure things are good for Between the Sheets the day before, writing scripts, making sure whatever we are shooting the rest of the week is solid, and I have, we have an amazing, amazing team. And I'm just trying to make sure like everyone is happy, things are done, but if you, if I didn't have a team that I could trust, I show up to set and I know that shit's gonna be done. And that's great, because we have Dani Carr, we have Max James, we have Steve Fallows, we have all these amazing people that are good at what they do, - Right. - And I think, a lot of times they say if you're a boss or a leader, to hire people and surround yourself with people who are better at your job than you are. And I thoroughly believe that. - Yeah, that gives you a lot of trust. - Yeah. - 'Cause you know that they're equipped to be able to, - They're good and that they care. You're taking a little bit of pride in your work, goes a long way, and I am so lucky that we have a team where, and I try and instill that as Creative Director, yeah, we're a web company, we're moving fast, but at the end of the day, I never wanna produce garbage. - Right. - I don't ever wanna be crap, I would rather go, quality over quantity, any day of the week. And that takes a little bit of people who have to agree on the same thing. You know, yeah, we could let this one little camera position that's a little wonky slide, and yeah, this thing, you could and it would go faster, but, - Your mentality, - I care. - Right, your mentality, if someone says, no one will notice, your mentality is, I did. So that's enough - I know, I know. - For me to say, let's find a better iteration of that thing. - If we can do better, we should, we should try. And there's always gonna be ways that you learn how to do better, and nine times out of 10, I'm not the one who's gonna know. But you have to be, you can't be so proud or so egotistical that you don't know when to go and ask for help, - Right. Or find that person. - You need another set of eyes on this thing, or ears, right. - And so much about producing is just, problem solving, and organizing, and having that trust. That's all producing is, is you have an idea, you have a goal, and you have when it needs to go out to the public, and then from just point A to point B, you just have to make it work. - Wall-to-wall stuff. - What's your hope for all this, what's your hope for the future for this thing? - Man. - I know that's a very big question. - Yeah, so many ideas. So many thoughts. - So many ideas, right. - Goals in my head are very far-stretching, but for the most part, I'm just such a deep believer in what Dungeons and Dragons and, at the end of the day, storytelling, can be. And that's why I love this little show, with the stories behind the storytellers, like what everyone is still doing on this show is still just telling stories. And those stories can deeply impact people. - We're seeing that, right. - Yeah. - With everything that this weird show has spawned, it's ... - Yeah. - And that's gotta be living in your head when you're thinking about shows, and how people will react, - Yeah. - Not, oh, I like this, or I don't like this, but really, the people that write, say, wow, I wasn't expecting this thing to really hit home for me, but it did and you're thinking about that stuff. - Yeah, and there are different ways that content can change people, back when we were doing Signal Boost at Geek and Sundry, it was very light-hearted, it wasn't emotional stories that people can relate to, but it was, hey, check out this new thing. And I still get messages to this day, being like, I discovered this because of Signal Boost and now it has completely changed my life. - Right. - And then there's certain shows I call, that we watch all the time, that I like to call Cheez Whiz for the brain, where it's just, it's not meant, don't think too deep - Right. - About it. - Right. - It ain't that deep. - Right. - And then you need those too, because sometimes, when you've had a deep day, all you wanna do is go home and turn on The Great British Bacon Race, or whatever, - Right, or watch Sam and Lee attack each other, - Exactly. - And have fun. - And have, right, just have fun. And that can totally change someone's life, who's maybe had a terrible day or a terrible week, to be just be like, oh thank God, this is something that's not gonna weigh on my brain like a lead balloon. - Right. - And all of that is necessary, all of that you need. We need comedy in our lives, because it reminds us to laugh, even at some of the worst things in the world. But we also need realness and sad stories in this drama to be reminded that life is hard, and at the end of the day, we can all relate to that. - Right. - Life is hard. - Yeah, ups and downs. - Yeah, and I think the more that people talk about that, the more you just start to realize that we're on this boat together, man, we're all the same. - You said it, quality over quantity, right. - Yeah, you only have so much time in the day. Fill it with something substantial. - [Brian] Well, you're the youngest of us. - Yeah. - You're our token stoner wildcard. - Yeah, I always say y'all are welcome for me bringing down the age group average. - Thank God. - I'm that bell curve, y'all been wanting to. - Watching a bunch of 40-something year old dudes, all the time gets so old, I'm not 40, I'm far from 40. But there are people here who, I have to say thank you for not only joining me today but for all the work you're doing for this weird thing that we've made and for sharing what you did today, that probably wasn't too easy. - Yeah. - But I know that it's shaped who you are today, and there's a lot of people that are gonna watch this that have probably been through similar things, and to see someone end up so successful and so accomplished, before they're 30 years old, especially having gone through what you did, I think is a testament to who you are and your resilience, not trying to make you cry, - Barbara Walters? - I'm just, no, just speaking the truth. But thank you, I for one really look forward to everything your little weird hands touch. - We're gonna make so much dumb shit. It's gonna be great. - Probably, I can't wait. - I love it. Man, this little thing brought me and you together as partners, too. - Now I have 50% of all the money in the world. - What was that alimony I was talking about earlier? Is that still ... - Yeah. - Okay. - Thank you. - Thank you. Good shit, man. - I have so much left! - You do, so many of these have happened. - Well, there's still a couple of hours left in the day, we're just gonna walk around town with this thing for the rest of the day, be like, looks good. - Or, open carry - Right. - In the CR studios. - In the studio, you can - That's for alcohol right, not guns, or is that, - You mean open container. - Open container! I think open carry is guns. - Your Kentucky is showing. - Yeah! (laughs) - If you want a drink that's a little strong, a little sweet and has some kick to it, this jalapeno margarita is perfect for you. Here's how we like to make it. First, you can take a lime wedge, go round the rim of your glass, and then dip it in some salt, or, if you have one of these fancy contraptions, just go right in, get a nice thick layer of salt, then you're gonna fill it with ice, and set it aside. Next, you're going to add some ice to your shaker. After that, pour in 1.5 ounces of silver tequila. 1.5 ounces of triple sec, and 1.5 ounces of sweet agave nectar. After that, add a few jalapeno slices to the shaker. Give it a little extra kick, and last, one ounce of fresh lime juice. Then shake for a few seconds. After that, strain over the ice into your glass, add a jalapeno slice and a lime wedge for garnish. That's nice, refreshing and spicy. Just like we made 'em in boarding school. (upbeat jazz music)

Channel: Critical Role

Views: 831,182

Keywords: Critical Role, Between the Sheets, BTS, Brian W. Foster, Marisha Ray, Between the Sheets Marisha, Dungeons & Dragons, D&D, Voice Acting, Acting, Critical Role Highlights, Interview, Interview Questions and Answers, How To, Cocktail, Cocktails, Cocktail Recipe, Margarita, Margarita Recipe, Spicy Margarita, Spicy Margarita Recipe, Jalapeno Margarita, Spicy Jalapeno Margarita, Cats Musical, High School Musical, High School Theatre

Id: i6UxCDopt-U

Length: 118min 3sec (7083 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 24 2018

Reddit Comments

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[u/Rupert59]

I'm the same age as Marisha, and after the other interviews it's interesting to see someone who's still so close to the beginning of her career. Like, the Tinkerbell movie came out only 10 years ago! I remember seeing ads for that when I was in second-year university. I remember the writer's strike and web series like The Guild - it doesn't seem that long ago to me, compared to the others' stories.

It's cool to compare this story to the other members of the cast who are 8-12 years ahead of her and much more settled in their careers and their lives. Strange to think about what I was doing 5-10 years ago when Marisha was going from busking on the street to meeting people like Felicia Day and Matt Mercer.

[u/ClockworkJack]

This was such a powerful episode, great interview by Brian giving off a lesson on listening and Marisha truly is a badass. <3

[u/tzorel]

this in interview that I would reccomend even for people who have never watched critical role. It's powerful not only when dealing with sexual assault, but also the bit she speaks about on-line harassement, and how that might impact someone different than you'd expect.

[u/fayazbhai]

Fuck S. Enough about that guy.

Can we talk about the segment about Matt? I found it really adorable. I also happen to have a similar love at first sight story between me and my fiance ❤.

[u/RynChirr]

Thank you for sharing your story Marisha. I grew up in a town smaller then yours, (About 2000 total people, probably less. There was 23 in my graduating class, maybe 300 in the whole school.) While you were talking about what had happened to you in college, I kept nodding. I kept feeling what you were, because it happened to me. I remember telling myself those same words: At least he didn't rape me. I never reported him, and I didn't tell my mother until years had passed. I've not dealt with it as well as you have, but you are giving me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you

[u/markevens]

It's been a weird transition for me going from being annoyed at Keyleth, to liking Beau, to now holding Marisha in the highest respect of strength and perseverance.

Love you Marisha, don't ever stop being you!

Also, it's kinda depressing how shitty people can be. I'm grateful there are people out there like Marisha that can be a rock that stands against the tides of hate crashing up on her, if not just for an example to others of what real strength of character looks like.

[u/Ranwulf]

M <3 R I S H <3

Great episode. Showcased a lot of what she gone through.

And how F'ing crazy hollywood life is.

[u/antanith]

What an episode. Kudos to Marisha with coming out with her story and struggles. I always felt that Keyleth was a bit airheaded, but her heart was in the right place. Never annoyed with her, but I do feel like she had the saddest ending in CR1. I have a lot more respect for Marisha and Keyleth now because of this.

Brian is really killin' it with these interviews.