[anticipatory music] MARISHA and TRAVIS: To Vox Machina! [cheering] BRIAN: Los Angeles! It's Critical Role Live! [cheering] Welcome, welcome, welcome. I apologize in advance for many of the things you're going to see here tonight. As usual. I'll take these off because I can't really see anything. We couldn't afford the insurance
in case I fall off the stage. Guys. How does everybody feel? Is everybody ready to stay turnt this evening? [cheering] As you know, we spend a lot of time
on our outfits for these live shows. I went online, and I Googled-- AUDIENCE MEMBER: [Inaudible] [laughter]
BRIAN: [Inaudible] fashion. I'm color blind, is the problem. I wanted to know, like, what do the drug dealers in Beverly Hills dress like? [laughter] Well, this is actually what I wear when I go to the skate park
to sell cigarettes to kids. [laughter] We have a few announcements to get to before, or we could just keep talking about this outfit. This outfit kind of says, like-- This outfit says, "Cocaine's back, baby!" [cheering]
That's what it's saying. Just moments from now, my friends, you are going to witness, at these very tables, a masterclass in how to remember how to play a character. [laughter] [cheering] I got to be bad cop and say, we have a strict no spoiler policy tonight. [cheering]
So as you-- yes, thank you. As you can see, we have fancy cameras and equipment placed all over the place. This is being recorded, and it's going to be released next month. [cheering]
Which is awesome. What about my pants? My pants you can come see any time, brother. You can see them after the show. [cheering] Problem is, I doubt both of us are going to fit in them. [laughter] So there's no reason for you to hold your phone up for the next four hours, and film everything, and try to bootleg it online. We're going to put it out at much better quality than your crappy phone. We do have team members standing by at each of your houses to shave and poison your cats if you do tweet, and Instagram spoilers tonight, so I hope you said a big goodbye
to those little furry creatures before you got here. The bottom line is, guys, just don't be a dick, because that's my job. [cheering] Okay. I can't hear you, and honestly, the people on stage are the ones who should be screaming, so I'm sorry, it's just too far away. But speaking of your wonderful outburst! Tonight, you guys can cry, you can laugh, you can cheer, you can scream, you can gasp. You can run all those emotions. The only thing we ask is that you do not shout any rules,
suggestions, comments to the stage, you do not shout any rules,
suggestions, comments to the stage, during the show. It's just--
[cheering] The only reason why we ask that is because it's really shitty. And the people at home can't hear you anyway, so. And, you know, it might make some of the people around you laugh, but if you've ever seen an episode of Talks Machina, jokes don't always go as well as you planned or hoped, so... Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Without further ado... [cheering] I want to introduce the cast of Critical Role. [cheering] Travis Willingham! [cheering] [cheering] Ashley Johnson! [cheering] [Vox Machina Critical Role Theme Music] Give it up for Laura Bailey! [cheering] Liam O'Brien! [cheering] Give it up for Marisha Ray! [cheering] Happy Birthday to Mr. Taliesin Jaffe! [cheering] Prepare yourselves for Sam Riegel! [cheering] And Mr. Matthew Mercer! [cheering] (inaudible) [cheering] [Crowd] (singing) Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Taliesin. Happy Birthday to you! [cheering] MATT: Oh, if you only knew the adrenaline pumping through these veins right now. (laughter) Well, welcome everybody, to the amazing Ace Hotel stage. Well, welcome everybody, to the amazing Ace Hotel stage. [cheering] To join us for this fantastic return of Vox Machina. [cheering] To fill a tiny little unexpected gap in the history that came about. Before we get started, just out of a curious show of hands, raise your hand if you have no idea what's going on. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: (laughs) That's my favorite part of every live show. Welcome, and I'm sorry. [laughter] But anyway, so happy to be part of this fantastic experience, this great venue. So many of you amazing people came out from all over to be a part of this tonight. Thank you for traveling, whether it be from your apartment down the street, or many states or countries away, we really appreciate you making the journey. [cheering] MATT: (chuckles) Before we get into this, we have a couple of quick announcements. As you know the drill. First and foremost, we have our fantastic epic thanks to Wormwood for being our sponsor for tonight's sideshow.
[cheering] Been friends of the show for quite some time. They made our fantastic table that we get to play on. LAURA: Yay! MATT: They made this awesome game screen for me just for tonight, which I'm happy about. LAURA: Just for tonight?
MATT: They've been very kind, yeah. LIAM: One time only. MATT: One time only, yeah. No, this comes with me. But no they've graciously donated a $25 gift card to everyone that makes a purchase at the merch area of the lobby. SAM: Whoa! MATT: So anybody who wants to go there during the mid break area, there's a gift card there waiting there for you, if you go ahead and buy something. But huge thanks to our friends at Wormwood for being fantastic supporters of all we do here with the show. And, yeah, just really really appreciative. And... I think that's the extent of my announcements. LAURA: Oh, wow!
MATT: They're pretty quick tonight. LAURA: (distressed sound) SAM: We just got to light all of our fake candles, guys. TALIESIN: These fake candles haven't been lit. MATT: Let's light the fake candles. MARISHA: Turn on the candles. Set the mood! SAM: Yeah, got to set the mood! MARISHA: Oh man!
ASHLEY: Got to set the mood! TRAVIS: Can't Taliesin just snap and that shit happens? [laughter] SAM: No, when he snaps, someone
in the audience gets pregnant. [laughter] [cheering] TRAVIS: That's how that happened. TALIESIN: Sorry about that, Travis, by the way. I apologize. LAURA: Oh shit. [cheering] ASHLEY: That's good. SAM: Ronin does look like a pyramid a little bit. [laughter] MATT: On that note. [laughter] Let's go ahead. And dive into... [cheering]
TALIESIN: Oh no. Vox Machina, and the search for Grov.
LAURA: I'm going to throw up. MATT: Grov, Grob. Grog. Oh, the nerves are there, can't you tell? For tonight's live show of Critical Role. (maniacal laughter)
[cheering] (fantastical music) [cheering] [cheering] (gun fires) LAURA: Oh, no! [cheering] [cheering] (high-pitched note)
[cheering] [cheering] TRAVIS: (chuckles) [cheering] [cheering] [enthusiastic cheering] MATT: So. TALIESIN: Oh no. MATT: The band of adventurers known as Vox Machina [cheering] had come together as friends, family, compatriots, and then eventually, some the greatest heroes known to the current age of Exandria. In standing up to the force of the ascending god, Vecna, managed to, through guile, skill, and the power of friendship [laughter] seal his essence away on the other side of the divine gate, where he could not trounce and destroy, and mold the Prime Material Plane to his will. In the process, fulfilling a deal made by their compatriot Vax, saw him step into the grasp of the Raven Queen, and vanish for good. [awwing] In that sorrowful combination of loss and victory, seeing the relatively robust remains of Vasselheim that you saved from the massive incursion of the risen primordial titan that was serving as the delivery method for Vecna's city of Thar Amphala. You gathered your things, and returned to Whitestone to just ruminate on the events that had transpired. [laughter] [cheering] ASHLEY: That's my boy!
MATT: That bring us [laughter] only a couple of days later, from this climactic battle, still fresh in the throes of the immensity of what has happened, and what you've achieved. We come to Whitestone. [laughter] As the rest of you scatter off for a moment, to deal with your own processing and digestion of this mixture of emotions. Pike. [cheering] ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: After taking some time in the Parchwood Forest, the timberlands that surround Whitestone, you begin to ascend the stairs to the base of Whitestone Castle. And out of the corner of your eye, in the center of the courtyard-- [laughter] MATT: -- you see your best buddy, Grog, the massive goliath barbarian berserker, from the plains-- [cheering] MATT: -- of Tal'Dorei, champion of the causes you fought together since your childhood, pluck a card from the Deck of Many Things. [laughter] MATT: And in a brief euphoric moment of surprise and excitement on his face-- [laughter] MATT: -- his eyes go dead and he falls forward face first onto the ground. [cheering] [laughter] ASHLEY: Grog? Grog?! [awwing] I'm going to run over to him and I'm going to try to shake him awake. MATT: Okay. You take a moment, you shake him. You know the best ways to wake Grog, usually in his various drunken stupors, is, yeah, backhand him a few times. ASHLEY: I give him a good backhand across the face. MATT: Got you. (slap) ASHLEY: Grog!
MATT: Impact hits. ASHLEY: (whimpers) MATT: His face unresponsive, his eyes just dull. Nothing. He's alive, you feel for breathing. He's definitely, as a body, there, present, but there's nothing behind it. ASHLEY: Grog, are you in there? Hello? Oh no. Oh no! [laughter] SAM: Travis, say something, jesus! [laughter] ASHLEY: I'm going to try to sit him up. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: (grunts) MATT: Easy enough for you with your gauntlets of ogre strength. ASHLEY: I'm strong. MATT: You sit him up and he folds most of the way forward. His head slumps between his shoulders. No response. ASHLEY: Oh no. But I notice that he's still breathing and his heartbeat is still there? MATT: You take a moment and listen, heartbeat's still going, strong as ever. (heart beating) ASHLEY: Okay. Grog, I'm going to go get help. You stay right here. Do not move! [laughter] Ugh, okay. I'm going to go inside and see who I can find. MATT: Okay. Stepping inside, shouting around briefly, Percy, and Keyleth, and Scanlan. Those of you who are going about your business, you eventually begin to hear the calls of Pike bringing you together. ASHLEY: Hey! Grog picked a card and he-- he looked at it, and he smiled, and he was happy, and then he fell over. [laughter] SAM: No! No, no, no, Pike, that would be ridiculous. We're heroes, we just saved the world, why would-- Why would he do such a thing? This is the end of the story, Pike, the end! [laughter] TALIESIN: Surely Grog is-- even Grog is not that foolish and irresponsible, I mean, we would... There's no reason. He's obviously playing a prank on you. ASHLEY: No, no, no, he's not playing a prank. MARISHA: Were the cards shiny? ASHLEY: Yes, it was a deck--
MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, checks out. SAM: It was shiny, that's true. ASHLEY: We both almost picked them together one time, and-- We didn't. Because I thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea, but I guess he just got excited and thought "why not?" MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: (sighs) But he's still breathing. His heart's still beating. He's just not awake. So maybe he's just in like a really deep sleep. SAM: Well, let's go get Vex and-- oh. [groaning] SAM: Sorry. It's just-- It's just force of habit. It's just new, it's fresh. TALIESIN: Let's get everyone and go outside.
SAM: Yes. LIAM: This is a roast a year in the making. (laughter) MARISHA: Yep. [cheering] MARISHA: I go find Vex. MATT: All right. It takes a little bit of time, because she's still out in the middle of the Parchwood, doing her own walkabout. And as you return, you can already see there's a little bit of chaos in the corner of Whitestone Castle. A number of the various guards have gathered around. You can see the rest of your allies, the rest of your friends, all gathered around the slumped forward, unresponsive body of Grog Strongjaw. LAURA: What did he do? [laughter] MARISHA: Yeah, you know those cards that we probably should have taken away from him? Yeah. LAURA: I had those for a while, you know, I had those. MARISHA: I know. LAURA: I gave them back to him. MARISHA: (sucks her teeth) Well! [laughter] SAM: You know, I feel like this is on us. This is sort of on us, really. LAURA: I mean, he's a child, really. SAM: Yeah. [laughter] ASHLEY: Well, to be fair, most of the cards are really good. So maybe he's somewhere having a super good time. SAM: Oh yeah, maybe this is a vacation for him. TALIESIN: Do we see which card got pulled? Is it, perhaps, on the ground? MATT: No, the card actually seems to have dissipated and vanished, or at least the text has. You go and find it on the ground and inspect it, and the actual front face of it is now blank. TALIESIN: Well, this is helpful. SAM: We'll need to know more information, but before we do anything, I think it would help me if we had the entire group with us. So if you would, everyone, allow me, I think we're missing one member of Vox Machina, that we're going to bring out right now onto the stage. [exclaiming] MARISHA: You asshole!
TALIESIN: You're such an asshole. [aghast screaming] [screaming, laughter] MATT: You're a terrible human being. LAURA: Max?! SAM: Max isn't there--
LAURA: Get that thing-- SAM: -- that's a puppeteer.
LAURA: -- off this stage. SAM: It's a puppeteer. Ignore Max.
LAURA: How dare you. LIAM: I wish I knew how to quit you, Sam Riegel. SAM: You leave it! MARISHA: Besides, it's inaccurate. He didn't leave a body behind. [groaning] SAM: That's how I imagine he looks. LAURA: I thought for a minute it was going to be Trinket. LIAM: So did I! LAURA: I thought you were being really kind, and then-- And then you proved yourself once more.
LIAM: Sam does not think of Trinket as a member of Vox Machina. MATT: Fool me thrice. TRAVIS: I'd much rather prefer a skeleton on stage than a giant fucking bear. LAURA: I thought it was going to be a Trinket that we have! Shush, you. LIAM: (bear growl) MATT: Gathered around, your friend unresponsive, and being the only real representatives. Most everyone else is still probably back in Vasselheim, helping clean up and settle the city, and deal with the aftermath of that incursion. What would you like to do? LAURA: What do we do? MARISHA: We go and find him right now, of course. Let's go do something. SAM: We don't know where he is. LAURA: We don't even know what he is. Maybe he's just in a coma, I don't know. TALIESIN: Someone understands these cards. Someone knows the options. Someone knows what this is. And somebody owes us at this point. [laughter] TALIESIN: I say we go to Vasselheim and very politely demand some help. [laughter] MARISHA: I've missed Percy. [laughter] TALIESIN: Me, too. SAM: All right, but I can't carry him, he's huge. ASHLEY: I can. SAM: Well-- [cheering] ASHLEY: I'm going to do my best to try to pick him up and fireman style. MATT: All right. Go ahead and just make a general strength check for me. TRAVIS: First roll. [cheering]
TRAVIS: First roll! SAM: Matt, may I inspire her before she goes? MATT: You may. You may.
[cheering] SAM: Okay. ♪ I have slayed Chroma Conclave ♪ ♪ I have taught Vecna Counterspell ♪ ♪ Only to be with you ♪ ♪ Only to be with you ♪ ♪ But we still got to find ♪ ♪ our goliath friend ♪ [cheering] MATT: So. ASHLEY: Wait, what does that mean? MATT: You have a d12 that you can roll and add to any--
TRAVIS: Is that real? LAURA: It's not going to do anything for that, Ash. ASHLEY: I rolled a natural one. [cheering] SAM: Not a U2 fan. TRAVIS: (laughs) Not a U2 fan. ASHLEY: Off to a great start. SAM: But you get to add a d12. MATT: I'll say the combination of distraction from his song, and just the emotional panic of what's transpiring, you're not quite finding the strength, and eventually somebody has to help you just carry him at the moment. ASHLEY: It's not working! LAURA: I can try to put him in the necklace, I don't know what that would do. SAM: But isn't Trinket in there? LAURA: No, Trinket's right next to me, you dick. [laughter] MATT: (bear growl) LAURA: Where do you think he lives?
SAM: Where? I don't see-- is it a him? Is it a her? MATT: (growling) LAURA: Scanlan Shorthalt. SAM: I'm sorry. Force of habit. LAURA: He's been through a lot with you. You should protect him. He's family. MATT: (chuffs) LAURA: And family's important, Scanlan. Yeah.
SAM: You're right. I'm sorry. [laughter] Well, I was only saying that if you put Grog in there, that means we won't be able to bring Trinket. [laughter] LAURA: I'm pretty sure Trinket will be safe in Vasselheim. SAM: So you're saying we do get to leave Trinket behind? I mean... LAURA: I don't even know if this'll work. I go over to Grog and I hold his hand up to the necklace, and try to put him in. MATT: Okay. Concentrating on the aspect of the necklace, you watch as his body (whoosh). It's tucked into a small, gray-like mist, and absorbed into the necklace. LAURA: Hope that didn't kill him. [laughter] Shall we?
MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw, Grog. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. MARISHA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: I think it's time to perhaps head to Vasselheim. MARISHA: Yeah, let's go.
LAURA: No, Sam, you didn't! SAM: I did it. I drank out of it. MARISHA: No! LAURA: No! LIAM: Everyone in the cast tried to convince him to not drink from that poisonous cup that is broken on the inside and full--
MARISHA: It's rank. LIAM: It's broken. TALIESIN: So bad.
TRAVIS: There are smurfs living inside of that thing. MATT: Whatever was last poured in that at the end of the last campaign has been in there for a year. [groaning] SAM: Yeah, I have tetanus now. LAURA: And many other things, I'm sure.
LIAM: Yeah, enjoy your botulism. Great. (groaning) TRAVIS: Fuck.
MATT: Anyway. TALIESIN: Oh god. MATT: What would you like do? MARISHA: Uh, let's go. LAURA: Yeah.
MARISHA: Vasselheim? ASHLEY: Yeah. Okay.
MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: It's like we were there yesterday. (laughs) We were there yesterday. (weak laugh) Okay, let's go, yeah? TALIESIN: You're-- if you would be, I assume we're close enough to the Sun Tree that you can Transportation via Plants? MARISHA: Yeah. [laughter]
MATT: All right. MARISHA: Hi, Sun Tree. MATT: "Good to see you, Kiki." [cheering] As the now vibrant, and blossoming Sun Tree sits in the center of the main court, the center of the main courtyard, center square of Whitestone proper-- you got a proper. Keyleth steps up to it, places her fingers across it, and you watch as the trunk seems to tear and split into an arched doorway. On the opposite side is... MARISHA: Vasselheim. MATT: All right. MARISHA: When I do that I go: Sun Tree, does this hurt you? MATT: "Kinda tickles." MARISHA: Okay! You're the best, Sun Tree. MATT: "I know."
MARISHA: Okay, let's go. We have six seconds, go! (laughter) MATT: As you guys all charge through, that immediate sucking sensation through your abdomen, your lungs seem to empty of air for just an instant. As you step out the opposite side, you look around, and you're in the center of the Abundant Terrace. Just on the outskirts of the Birthheart, the Melora section of Vasselheim, where the Wild Mother looks over all of nature and the surrounding vicinity. You're in the center of these rows and rows of beautiful trees, this gorgeous orchard. That the colors have been turning into the oranges and reds. The smell of smoke is still in the air. And as you look past the greenery, you can see there's still curling plumes of gray and white smoke, the lasting aspects of the battle that had transpired not but two days before. You don't hear any shouting or din, so you get the sense that the combat has completed. But as you look past, you can't help but look up and see the ominous visage of the incredibly massive and still, unmoving, primordial earth titan, looming over the city, mid-step, its gait outstretched right over the Quadroads in the center of the city. You can see the crumbled city of Thar Amphala, still atop of its head and shoulders. And it's weirdly serenely beautiful to see it still, as this monument of that final battle. You can see birds now, dissipating off of its arm and gathering, and flying through this thing that was so frightening, and brought imminent destruction, now, has its own weird legacy. So whereabouts in Vasselheim are you looking to go? LAURA and SAM: Uh... MATT: It's been a year. If you have questions, you can ask me, it's okay. SAM: Yeah. What-- What-- What's in Vasselheim again? LIAM: New campaign, who dis? MATT: I know. [laughter] LAURA: So wait. SAM: We want to go see some of our old friends, like Allura. TALIESIN: Allura's my first vote.
SAM: Gilmore. LAURA: Yes, Allura would probably know.
SAM: Other people. MARISHA: Kima. [laughter] LAURA: But I think Allura would know about this, and Gilmore might. SAM: Why don't we get everyone? This is big news. TALIESIN: We'll start there and we'll-- we need an expert opinion. MARISHA: Is it big news? Grog did something stupid, I don't feel like that's, like... [laughter] I mean, I'm not... We just killed that thing, so like, that's big news. SAM: Yeah. No, you're right. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: I grabbed the cards, by the way, so, we do have them pocketed. MATT: Well, of the areas you've visited,
there is the Trial Forge, which is the area that is Kord-based. There is the Platinum Sanctuary, which is where the council met right before the attack, and that's where all the various leaders, and your friends all met. That seems to be one of the main seats
of enforcement of the city. TALIESIN: I think so.
LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Let's go to that one. MATT: All right, so you guys start making your way over towards the Platinum Sanctuary of Bahamut. Making your way through the streets, you see many of the armed bastions and mercenary troops that are dragging away the bodies of the Remnants of Vecna, that have been killed, and they've cleaned up most of the surging armies of undead and the necromancers that had them at their beck and call. You also see them gathering some of the non-survivors of the citizens of the city. But more than that, you see the thriving community coming back together again. You see in the streets, families that are decorating a celebration of some kind. You can see people that are helping clean up, and redecorate the space, and bring it back to a sense of normality. As you make your way over towards the Platinum Sanctuary, you climb up the stairs along the side of the mountain known as the Heaven's Stair. You reach the familiar peaks at the base of the sanctuary, the large pillars that mark the entrance, the familiar soldiers, the Scalebearers, nod as you approach, surprised to see you return so soon, and step aside. You enter the echoing halls of the inside of what is the Platinum Sanctuary up on Silver Talon's Reach. As you enter the interior, about two dozen or so soldiers seem to fill the interior hall of the inner sanctum, parting as you approach the centerpiece of that area. Within that chamber, only a portion of the heads of the city are present. You see the Holy Curator Curtis Uleas, which you've met once before when the council met before the attack on Vecna. You see him. He's a squat, bald, mousey-looking fella, but he represents the Quad Roads, and the high-- Erathis, the Law Bearer. You also see a guard next to him, and another compatriot, maybe a mercenary, bodyguard. To the right of that, you see a representative of the maidens of the Raven Queen, known as the Trust of Winters. The collection of veil-bearing maidens, all dressed in black, that had previously been watching the temple that exists here in the city. You see them also being flanked by two or three similarly adorned, but more military-ready bodyguards that also seem to worship the Raven Queen and are part of this trust. They're all discussing some sort of matter of clearing up the vicinity with Highbearer Vord himself, the elven head of Silver Talon's Reach. As they're in mid-conversation, everyone begins to part to let you in, and as soon as they turn to see you and what this strange business is, their conversation falls silent, as the Highbearer turns to you all and goes, "Oh, you're back so soon. "The celebration isn't for a few weeks. "Maybe you've got... "bored?" TALIESIN: Not quite yet, unfortunately. I do hate to be making a request so soon, but one of our members has fallen prey to something foolishly, and... we feel that perhaps, just at this moment, we're not capable of handling any more loss, and we would really appreciate (sighs) a bit of consideration to our plight. MATT: "Interesting." You look upon his furrowed elven brow, himself one of the elders of Vasselheim that worships under and represents the will of Bahamut here in Vasselheim, the Dawn City. Looking about the rest of you he goes, "Well, based on the company you're keeping, "perhaps it's the larger and... "slower one?" LAURA: I bamf him out. Just right there on the floor. I bamf Grog out. MATT: (thudding) The body just slams-- [laughter] -onto the open marble floor in the center of the inner sanctum, with a loud, heavy thwack. That skull hit with an intensity that, knowing Grog, probably hurt the marble more. [laughter] You see a lot of them, all of the surrounding individuals step back and there's a bit of a (gasping). And the hushed gasps and curious murmuring to the sides. And the Highbearer just goes, "Oh, wonderful. "If he's dead as well, we have means of resurrecting, "and we do, oh--"
LAURA: No, no, he's quite alive. MATT: "Sleeping?" LAURA: Maybe? TALIESIN: We found him next to this, and I display the deck. MATT: "And what, pray tell, is this?" TALIESIN: I would be very careful,
and please do not draw a card. MATT: "I haven't lived this long by ignoring such warnings." TALIESIN: You will not be-- (laughs) I would reckon that perhaps you would not live much longer if you ignored that one. MATT: He hands it off to a compatriot of his you can see, who looks to be very dressed in familiar robes of blue and silver. But begins to draw an arcane sigil, as the city seems to shun overt arcane magic, they also understand it's a necessity in certain circumstances, but only in trusted levels. This individual finishes casting the spell, takes it, goes, "Ah." Whispers into the ear of the Highbearer who goes, "Dear lord." [laughter] [laughter] "You let him have this?" [cheering] [cheering] TALIESIN: Now, in our defense, it is very difficult to not let him do anything he likes, and, at the time, I had been meaning to replace it with a fake copy, but things got complicated, and I lost track of time. LAURA: You should see his puppy dog eyes when he tries. It really is quite pathetic. ASHLEY: And to be fair, he really didn't pick one for a really long time.
[laughter] So, it's amazing that he waited this long. And he's not slow, he just has a lot left to learn. TALIESIN: We kept the demonic skull out of his hands. I mean, that was something. MARISHA: Yeah, it was really a trust exercise, but... [laughter] You know, looking back, maybe we should have started with like, the one where you fall, and like a group of your friends, and they catch you. SAM: While this is going on, I'm going to command my unseen servant to, like, puppeteer Grog's arms Weekend at Bernie's style. [laughter] LAURA: Oh, he's back! MATT: "That is strangely delightfully macabre." [laughter] MATT: "You may continue. "(sighs) Give me just a moment." And he closes his eyes for a second, and you hear him mutter under his breath, "Please, your friends have arrived, "and they need your assistance." And but a moment later, there's a sudden, (whooshes) a surge of energy and a blast of wind, and there you see about 15 feet away, the familiar braided long hair of-- [cheering] Arcanist Allura Vysoren. [cheering] Her spinning skirt comes to rest and goes, "Friends, (laughs) "what is wrong with him?" [laughter] As Grog just dances being held aloft in the air. She waves her hands, and he drops like a sack of potatoes. TALIESIN: Yes, uh... SAM: We don't know what's wrong with him. I mean, we know what's wrong with him-- [laughter] SAM: -- in general, but specifically to this time, we don't know what's wrong with him right now. MATT: The Highbearer interrupts you and goes, "He drew one of these." And she goes, "Oh, shit." [laughter] SAM: That's what we said.
MATT: "Well... "Let me see," and she gets close and pinches his cheeks and rolls his eyelids back and looks at his eyes, and listens to his chest, and goes, "Well, I have a passing knowledge of what's capable. "The good news, he's alive. "The bad news is, "the soul is not present. "It's somewhere else." SAM: Excellent, where? Where is it?
MATT: "I don't know. "Somewhere. "Probably under the guard of some dangerous entity." LAURA: What? MATT: "And to retrieve it, you
would have to bring this to it," pointing to the body on the ground. LAURA: Who the fuck makes these cards? [laughter] [cheering] MATT: To which the Highbearer goes, "There were many individuals in the Age of Arcanum "that have continued to prove why Vasselheim "is a very divine-based society." Allura thinks for a second, "Um, "well, give me a moment. "Maybe I can... "Maybe I can cast a ritual that can pinpoint this, hold on." SAM: Yes, yes, please. TALIESIN: Thank you. MATT: She thinks for a second and begins casting something. (chanting) "Nothing. "(sighs) I think this magic may be beyond me." MARISHA: Who is not beyond? MATT: "I don't know. "Any of you have any means of reaching beyond the planes? "To gather information, see something. "I'm not a divination specialist, unfortunately." LAURA: I mean, Pike, you could pray. (uncertain) I could pray. [laughter] TALIESIN: Would hitting him again perhaps help? SAM: It can't hurt. It can't hurt to hit him one more time. TALIESIN: Scanlan, I think you should
go ahead and give it a try. SAM: All right. I'll go up and use my whip. (laughter) SAM: I've used it once. This'll be two. I'll just whip him in the gonads. [groaning] SAM: Maybe it'll just-- maybe he'll just wake up. MATT: (whip cracks) [laughter] MATT: (whip cracks)
SAM: Well. Multi attack! (laughter) MATT: No response. Allura has walked over and taken the deck from the Highbearer, closes her eyes for a second. "Right, all right. "Best I can ascertain. "The only way to really find out where his soul resides "is through a very, very powerful arcane "incantation that can bend reality to your will, "to a small degree. "I, unfortunately, am not powerful enough to utilize this. "Nor do I know one with such capabilities." SAM: Ahem. [laughter] SAM: Hi. [cheering] SAM: Hi, whip guy here. I mean... I have a thing. But I don't know how it works, and I've never used it before. MATT: "A thing?" SAM: I just have a power and I feel like it might be helpful here, but I really don't know what it will do to me after I do it, which is why I hesitated to bring it up at the beginning. But if that's our only hope, I could make a Wish. MATT: You watch Allura's face drop in absolute surprise and awe. And then, "You let him... "... wish?" [laughter] TALIESIN: Wait, why does anybody think we let any of these people do anything? [laughter] MATT: "Valid point. "That is amazing. "By all means, I would love to see this," as she puts her arms out and pushes everyone else back about 10 feet. TALIESIN: Do you need anything? Are you all right? SAM: I could use a cup of seltzer. [laughter] ASHLEY: Do you want me to stand with you, while you do it?
TALIESIN: Does Grog still have the infinite thing on him? The infinite cup? Mug? SAM: I do want you to stand with me, Pike. I do. Perhaps you could stand behind me and sort of put your arms around my waist. Just in sort of like a-- MARISHA: Awkward prom? SAM: Yeah, awkward prom-type pose. ASHLEY: I can, but what will that do? SAM: You don't need to know. [laughter] ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: (chuckles) SAM: Am I doing this?! MATT: Are you doing this?
LAURA: I don't know, are you doing this? SAM: What will it do? LAURA: What will it do to you? SAM: I don't know. TRAVIS: One way to find out, baby. ASHLEY: How many-- [laughter] MATT: Allura goes-- ASHLEY: How many wishes-- you have one wish? SAM: I don't know! MATT: "As far as I understand, "from what I've read about this, "it is a wish. "Just be very particular with your wording. "And don't get greedy." SAM: So I shouldn't wish for 1000 Grogs to appear right here, because they'll all fall on me and kill me, or something like that? MATT: "That would be the end of Exandria." SAM: Okay. I am very confident, but I wouldn't mind some input on how I should phrase this. LAURA: Percival, you were very, very good at coming up with our wish wording the last time we had to do this. TALIESIN: Right. That's right, that's right. LAURA: You remember that? Oh, you don't remember that, Pike, it was when you died. [laughter] ASHLEY: (groans) Well. TALIESIN: That was a while. SAM: How about something like... I wish to know the location of Grog. That's simple, right? MARISHA: Well, no, because he's right here. TALIESIN: The precise location of Grog's soul.
SAM: Yes, yes, yes. The precise location of Grog's soul. Okay. MARISHA: Hey, Scanlan. SAM: Hey, Keeks? MARISHA: What's the limits of this spell? Because, theoretically, could you just be like, "Oh, I just wish for him back," and then, like, end of day, end of show. (laughs nervously) TALIESIN: I don't understand your metaphor. SAM: You know, I love a good story, and that seems like an anticlimactic one. (laughter) [cheering] MATT: Allura pipes up and goes, "And I would say there are great limitations "to the capability of this spell, "specific to the terrifying enchantment "of this deck of cards." TALIESIN: I think the strongest
thing I could even think to say would be to bring all of us near the loc-- no, I think just best the-- SAM: She said don't get greedy.
TALIESIN: Don't get greedy. SAM: She said don't get greedy. TALIESIN: I would like, yeah, the precise location of Grog's soul. SAM: Who am I wishing to? I really am not a big-- no offense, Pike-- I mean, I've been learning the ways of Sarenrae, maybe I should wish to her? LAURA: Don't you have Ioun's eye or something? SAM: Sure, but I don't want to
make Pike jealous or anything, I don't know how this works. I'm still new to religion, so. MATT: You look across the chamber, there appears to be one monk of the Cobalt Reserve that's built within the city that goes-- [laughter] SAM: What? I'm converting for a girl, all right? It's okay. [cheering] SAM: All right. Here goes. [laughter] SAM: ♪ I wish ♪ (laughter) ♪ It's not for me, it's for my friend ♪ I wish to know the precise location of my friend Grog's soul. MATT: The minute those words leave your lips, the rest of you watch Scanlan's face just go slack. And for a moment, you are so afraid that he went the same place. MARISHA: Why does this keep happening?!
MATT: Scanlan. As that happens, your vision suddenly is wrested away from this location. The familiar pillars and warm daylight and the vision of your friends are torn from your vision as suddenly you feel yourself, your consciousness being temporarily thrust through the inner planes. Fire burning, primordial energies, as water turns into blankets of steam hundreds of miles long. You're thrust through that barrier into the outer planes, beyond the divine gate. The familiar lattice of energy that holds the gods at bay from their far realms. And there you see, just brief instances of madness and insanity at the corners of the Abyss. Suddenly, your consciousness is brought to a location of deep, burrowed, massive caverns, twisting through rock and earth. There, in a lightless expanse, where wind is endless, and maddening. You see a tower, a mountain comprised of toppled boulders. And at the very top of this you see a small plateau with a low wall around it, and a glowing, red gem that sits there in the middle. And you can sense Grog's essence trapped within that stone. And a voice tells you, "Your friend's soul is locked "on the realm of Pandemonium. "Atop the Howler's Crag in Cocytus." SAM: The what? [laughter] SAM: Howler's Crag? MATT: The Howler's Crag on Cocytus. And then your consciousness is ripped out of that space, thrust back into you to the point where the force sends you almost ass over tea kettle onto the ground. (splats) SAM: (gasps) Ah. LAURA: Are you all right? SAM: The wonders of the universe did unfold. [laughter] I know the location of Grog's soul. I was given untold power. He is near a tower. I saw a red gem, and he's in Pandemoni-em! [laughter, cheering] LAURA: Wow. SAM: I think this is how I talk now? [laughter] Orange. No, it's good. I'm good. I'm good. Phew! That was really weird, guys. I know where he is. He's in the realm of Pandemonium, in Howler Crag, near Crokeedus, or something? I think that'll get us there. MATT: All right, couple things have to happen here. SAM: Couple things? Couple things? What happens to me? That's all I care about! MATT: I rolled a 39%. There's a 33% chance every time you cast the Wish spell to do anything beyond getting a spell, that you lose it forever. But you keep it. SAM: (relieved laughter) TRAVIS: Holy shit. MATT: However, your strength is currently three. (groaning) LAURA and TRAVIS: Three? SAM: That's a negative six, right? MATT: Um-- MATT and SAM: Negative four. SAM: Negative four. MATT: Oh, that's actually a lucky roll. For two days. LAURA: Oh. SAM: (moans)
LAURA: Great. (laughter) MATT: The physical stress of the sheer force of arcane power that channeled through you to bend reality has left you dilapidated and weak. SAM: But Pike's holding me. [laughter] ASHLEY: I got you. MARISHA: Oh. SAM: (slurring) I can't talk, I'm really weak. ASHLEY: That was so great, though. You got so much information. SAM: I did. ASHLEY: I can help you walk and carry you wherever we need to go. SAM: I don't know. ASHLEY: Oh, you can't talk, even? SAM: I can, I'm just-- [laughter] SAM: I just don't know. I feel so weak. ASHLEY: Oh no. LAURA: How long are you going to be like this? SAM: I don't know! [laughter] ASHLEY: Can I-- LAURA: Oh no.
ASHLEY: I wonder if I could cast Greater Restoration. LAURA: I mean-- TALIESIN: I don't know if that would fix it. LAURA: We can't go to fucking Pandemonium or whatever with you like this. TALIESIN: Well, we need to prepare ourselves anyway. We don't know any-- well, what do we know about Pandemonium? MATT: Allura is taking this information and goes, "Well, that's-- "We now know where he is, that's good. "Pandemonium, that's bad." [laughter] MATT: "Pandemonium is a terrible realm "of the outer planes. "It's adjacent to the horrors of the Abyss, "and the chaos of Limbo. "It's a place of great madness, a domain of rocks "infused with massive tunnels, "carved out of screaming winds, "where your sanity is challenged at every edge. "A lightless expanse of pitch black. "There are disorienting pathways "ever-twisting through the caverns. "Creatures of violent mania stalk "the dust and sand blasted tunnels. "The few that are banished there "are left to lose themselves in the chaos around them. "Cocytus is one of the more central regions, "but the tower you speak of it's a home "of many lost secrets, deadly denizens, "and rumors speak that atop this very crag, "there's a space where words "that are shouted against the wind "can be heard by whoever the intended recipient is, "no matter where they are on the planes. "But few, if none, return from there, "due to the dangers present. "So, um, you could probably use some help. "I don't-- "Kima would kill me." TALIESIN: We understand. MATT: "But I trust--" and at this point, the Highbearer goes, "Well, "the city does owe you a favor. "Let's see. "Are there any individuals here "who'd be willing to raise a hand and volunteer "to aid the saviors of Vasselheim "on a dangerous mission to the plane of Pandemonium?" TRAVIS: (clears throat) [cheering] TRAVIS: I am so sorry. Did you say the plane of Pandemonium? MATT: And you look over by the high curator, Curtis Uleas of the Erathis quarter of the city. And next to him you see...? TRAVIS: Bertrand Bell. Sir Bertrand Bell. At your service. MATT: Describe what you look like, if you don't mind. TRAVIS: Yes, I'm in my late 50's, early 60's, a devilish silver fox son of a bitch. [cheering] TRAVIS: Beautiful orange, maroon, and purple robes of the finest finery, and a beautiful rapier on my hip. And I have beautiful tan skin, if I may say so myself. LAURA: What color are your eyes? TRAVIS: Piercing blue. LAURA: Oh. [cheering] TRAVIS: I couldn't help but notice you said the plane of Pandemonium, one of my realms of specialty. This is the legendary group known as Vox Machina, is it not? [cheering] TALIESIN: It is indeed, good sir. SAM: (mumbling) Yes, yes, yes. TRAVIS: My gods. The little fellow, he's an interesting one. God, the services you have done to this city, incredible! Absolutely outstanding. You know, I myself was a fierce, fierce warrior, of great renown, known far and wide for my many exploits, my great talents. Have you ever heard of the whispering werewolf of the North? Yes, I slayed that beast, I'm sure you've read about it. MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Yes. Perhaps, though, the horrible hippogriff of the West? [laughter] TRAVIS: Yeah, any takers? LAURA: Yes, I've heard of that one. TRAVIS: That? Also me.
LAURA: Wow. TRAVIS: I might have gone by a different name because I like to keep it low profile. I would truly value the chance to aid heroes such as yourself, and I'm sure my talents could lend you a little bit of help in your endeavors. MATT: "Wonderful."
MARISHA: What talents? TRAVIS: Well, I am quite the esteemed fighter, and I've been to this Pandemonium, plane of Pandemonium many, many times. MATT: "Well then, Sir Bertrand. "It would seem that you would be "the necessary guide for such a journey. "Consider yourself the guide." TRAVIS: (stammering) I-I merely meant I would advise them on the trip. MATT: "Yes, on the trip. "You will guide them. "Anybody else who would wish to join this venture?" LIAM: Yes. [cheering] MATT: Surrounding the Trust of Winter's representative, the veil-covered woman from the--
MARISHA: No. MATT: -- from Raven's Crest in the Duskmeadow of Vasselheim, you see one of the guardian champions step forward, if you would describe yourself. LIAM: A woman with deep, dark brown, almost black hair, and a very polished, fine black breastplate, a coif of feathers at her neck. All dark robes, and five gleaming stars around her neck. The Raven's Crest, and the Trust of Winter would be proud to aid you in this. We have felt that the Matron's chosen has departed this plane. We know how painful this must be for you now. We wish to offer our service, my service, as thanks for saving Vasselheim, the temple, all of us really. It would be my great honor. MATT: "Very well. "Lieve'tel. "You have been accepted into this party. "Great! I have business to attend to. "Gather your things, find your own way." Allura's like, "But we--" (as Vord) "What do you want from me? "I am not a plane jumper, I run this. "And if you haven't noticed, this entire city "was nearly razed to the ground. "So I have some things to attend to." LAURA: Yes, but think of all the new summer homes you'll be able to build. [laughter] MATT: "I like your chipper attitude. "Now please leave." [laughter] MARISHA: Allura? MATT: "Yes, Keyleth?" MARISHA: Do you have anybody else who might be interested in going, other than her? I'm sure she's very... nice. MATT: "Unfortunately at the moment, we-- "Anybody?" MARISHA: Yeah, anybody? MATT: And the room, as you look around the chambers, most everyone-- you can see a moment where they want to help, but everyone looks genuinely frightened at the prospect of traveling to the plane of Pandemonium. So, after this awkward, 60-second silence, the distant (throat clearing), cough, Kind of a sneeze. LAURA: Bless you. MATT: (as Allura) "All right. "Well. "This is-- this is great." MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: "Do you need to rest up?" LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: That would not be a terrible idea. MATT: "All right, take a few days, gather your things." LAURA: Is Grog going to be all right for a few days? MATT: "I hope so." ASHLEY: Wait, you've been to the plane of Pandemonium. Will he be okay? TRAVIS: Yes, he will be fine. [laughter] Once we're there, we will tap into the local fauna and concoct a bit of an antidote that should right him for our--
MARISHA: There's local fauna? TRAVIS: Yes, many different plants and animals. MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: You'll see when we get there. SAM: (high-pitched confused groaning) TRAVIS: Your friend, I believe he needs help. LAURA: I thought you could talk, Scanlan. SAM: (moaning) MARISHA: Oh, Scanlan, do you think he's lying? SAM: Uh huh. MARISHA: Oh, yeah.
[laughter] He's got that look on his face when he doesn't trust people. [laughter] MARISHA: Can I do an insight check on Bertram? MATT: Sure. [cheering] MARISHA: (chuckles) Uh-huh. TALIESIN: I missed that die. MARISHA: Oh my god, it's such good insight! 20! TALIESIN: Whoa! MARISHA: And I rolled terribly! TRAVIS: 12. SAM: Oh! [cheering] SAM: Guys, you're such a good audience. We love you. Thank you for coming. And Wormwood is a fine maker of tables and things. MARISHA: Do you have any flowers from the last time you visited Pandemonium? TRAVIS: Alas--
MARISHA: I like to collect flowers on my journey. TRAVIS: I left a few of the pressed
flowers that I had at home. I don't have any with me, unfortunately. MARISHA: (whispered) Scanlan, I think you're right. SAM: (moans) (high-pitched, slurred) You're shitting me! TRAVIS: But fear not. As long as I am with you, we'll be fine. LAURA: He's going to get us killed. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. And what--? Sorry. Hi, hi. LIAM: How do you do, child? MARISHA: What? Do you-- child-- me? LIAM: Well, I--
MARISHA: Yeah. Hi. LIAM: Hello. MARISHA: What's your name? LIAM: Oh, Lieve'tel. Lieve'tel. MARISHA: Lieve'tel. LIAM: I'm sorry, is there a problem? MARISHA: (squeaking) No! [laughter] No! Um... TRAVIS: Your voice is very high. MARISHA: What? Bye. I'm going to-- Percy, come here. TALIESIN: I believe what she's trying to say is your patron owes us a mighty debt, and we appreciate you beginning that centuries long process. [cheering] TALIESIN: Back, baby. LIAM: I am fully aware. And I hope that you will consider this that first step. I have spoken to my matron. I have some idea. We felt him depart, and I know. And she looks at Vex'ahlia. [groaning] I know losing a loved one across the veil is always a challenge. That is a simple truth, but it makes it no less difficult for all of us who go through it. And yet, the story he wove with his thread is a noble one. And we know that he gave his life so that others would live, and we are grateful. And that is why I gladly give my aid. TALIESIN: Thank you for helping us make it not be two lives that we have to give for this cause. LIAM: I am so sorry. MARISHA: Do me a favor. And don't talk to me about how painful it is any more. Okay? LIAM: I understand. MARISHA: Okay, let's go to bed! Let's get some dinner! MATT: Allura pipes up. "I'll have to go through my archives. "I may be able to at least, if not find, "I can maybe borrow from Eskil if he has it. "A rune that I can create a circle "to send you to Pandemonium." TALIESIN: My god. LAURA: Do you have a wonderful rune to get us back? MATT: "No, that depends on you guys." LIAM: If need be, I can supply that process. TALIESIN: Excellent.
LAURA: Oh. MATT: "I believe you can as well, Keyleth." MARISHA: Yep!
LAURA: Oh! MARISHA: Done it a lot. (laughs awkwardly) [laughter] LAURA: I remember that. Of course, I remember that.
TALIESIN: Like it was yesterday. MATT: (as Allura) "It's only been a
few days, what's wrong with you?" TALIESIN: Rough days. LIAM: Well, we have so much in common. [groaning] TALIESIN: Let's take a couple days, rest up.
MATT: "Yes, let's do that. "I'm going to go to my tower, do my research. "Rest up. "You especially, Scanlan."
SAM: (pathetic whimper) MATT: "I'm proud of you." SAM: (moans) MATT: "I'm proud of you. That is magic I had never, "ever sought to see done." TALIESIN: Brave man.
SAM: (whimper) TRAVIS: Allura, is there-- have we talked about hazard pay for this? Any sort of coin, or... MATT: "I'm going to explain to you the term 'volunteer.'" [cheering] "It comes from the archaic Elven word, veloum, "which means, 'give everything.' "So I am very impressed with your ability "to give your life and sacrifice everything "for the good of these fine people. "Rest well!" And she teleports away. [cheering] TRAVIS: Ah, heh. Looking forward to it. (clears throat) LIAM: Master Bell, I have heard many a story about you. Are you sure you're up for the challenge? TRAVIS: (chuckling) Am I up for the challenge? My goodness. My dear woman. Is the challenge up for me? [cheering] LIAM: Well, at least there will be entertainment on the way. TRAVIS: Felt like that was a dig. [laughter] MATT: All right. If you guys would like to take the next couple of days to rest in Vasselheim. Is there anything in particular you want to, or need to take care of before this journey? Because we are on a bit of a time crunch. Speak now, or forever hold your inventory. TRAVIS: I'm good to go. TALIESIN: Let home know what we're doing and beyond that, ready to go.
SAM: I feel like maybe we should just quickly check in with Gil, Gilmore. Just like a quick... [cheering] Just to see how he's faring. MATT: All right. Through the use of a Locate Creature spell, which is easy enough for you to muster over the next couple of days, you find that Gilmore is still within Vasselheim. Leading yourself down towards the Quadroads, you see a portion of the city not far from one of the massive footsteps of the primordial titan that had crushed three square blocks in one giant footfall. Where that crater is, you can see there's a number of families that are out of a home. But a lot of them have been gathered around, and you can see there are bastions bringing food. And among them, you see the familiar purple and gold robes, beautiful dark skin, goatee, and ever present rosy smile of Shaun Gilmore, as he's currently down there doing a series of tricks with Prestidigitation to impress and bring joy to a group of about six or seven children on the side of the road. You watch as these sparkles extend from his fingertips, and he begins to weave them around, and then suddenly as he releases, they explode into a dozen glowing orange birds that (flutters) flutter away and then (popping) disappear into small fireworks. MARISHA: (yells in alarm)
MATT: The kids scream loudly, and then cheer and clap. They rush up and two of them hug his leg, and he's like, "(chuckles) "It's nothing, really. It's a cantrip." [laughter] "Oh my goodness. "If these aren't faces that I've been wanting to see. "Come here!" And he runs up and puts his arms around. You see he puts one arm around Keyleth and just to Percy. And he puts one around Vex, and leans down for Pike, and goes, "Oh, it's so good to see you! "Most of you." Is Grog back in the necklace at this time? LAURA: Yes, he is. MATT: "Where's Grog?" LAURA: Uh. Soulless. [laughter] MATT: "(laughs)" LAURA: (laughs) MATT: "You better not let him hear you say that." LAURA: Grog. No, really, he's soulless. He's in the necklace right now. He's unconscious, and... MATT: "Well, I guess that's
par for the course, wouldn't it be? "And where's the pretty one?" [groaning] TALIESIN: That's-- SAM: I'm right here, hi. [laughter] TALIESIN: We're having to make a dash to Pandemonium soon, TALIESIN: We're having to make a dash to Pandemonium soon. We were wondering if you had any advice and/or ideas of ways to keep safe in that realm? (sighs) MATT: "I'm not going to lie, I'm not the most school-learned "practitioner of the arcane arts. "It's more of a gift. "But from what I've heard in passing, "it's a very very nasty place." TALIESIN: We will fill you in on all
of the insanity when we return, but we are taking Grog there to reconstitute himself a bit. He was toying with a Deck of Many Things. MATT: You notice as he's listening to this conversation, there's a dual aspect of his current attention. He's listening, but he's also watching all of your faces, and you watch his expression slowly drop. LAURA: We need to talk to you. [groaning] MATT: "I, uh... "I believe I already have an idea." MARISHA: I mean, you knew it was coming, right? MATT: "I did." MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: "It doesn't make it any easier, but, "(chuckles) who am I to say that to you?" SAM: We tried. MARISHA: I reach out and I grab Vex's hand. SAM: We all tried so hard. MARISHA: And I grab Scanlan's hand. SAM: But we couldn't... MATT: He steps forward and just puts his arms around you and holds you. And whispers into your ear, "I'm so very sorry. "The two of you shined so bright. "But that light hasn't gone away either." And he steps away for a moment, and you can see the tears down his face as well. "But I'm proud. (laughs tearfully) "My god, look what you've done. "When I met you, you were a bunch of bumblefucks, "I mean, seriously." [laughter, cheering] MATT: "I was raising prices because
you were so brash and obnoxious. "But..." LAURA: I knew you were. (laughter) MATT: "Oh, I couldn't haggle past you, Vex. "Anyway. "Thank you for letting me know. "Now's not my time to grieve. There's..." And then he points to all the families out there on the road and says "They-- "they've lost far more. "I'll tend to them. "Maybe once you complete this venture, "we can all have some nice tea, "and some pastries, and we can reminisce and talk story." TALIESIN: I look forward to it. MATT: "Me, too." TALIESIN: To Pandemonium, I suppose. LAURA: Yes, push on. He loved you. And so do we. MATT: "I know. "I know. "Anyway. (clears throat)" He casts Prestidigitation, and you watch as the tear marks just dissipate. His eyeshadow gets noticeably more vibrant and fantastic. LAURA: That is a good cantrip. MARISHA: Jealous. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: "Well, I have an audience to perform for. "You take care of yourselves. "Remember. "We made plans. "My place, Emon. You know where to find it." (laughter) MATT: He walks over to you and says, "You take care." LAURA: Yes, darling. MATT: "Children, come! (laughs) "Let me show you why they call me glorious." [cheering] SAM: Good out line.
TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: Yes! MATT: So. You guys take the next couple days to rest, gather your things, prepare yourself for a journey you're not entirely certain of what awaits you on. But, thankfully, you regain your physical strength back. But, thankfully, you regain your physical strength back. [laughter] LAURA: What are you back up to now? SAM: 13. LAURA: Woo! MATT: Good. LAURA: Way higher than my seven. Oh damn! MATT: Allura rejoins you, as you all gather back up in the Silver Talon's Reach, in the Platinum Sanctuary. Not in the inner sanctum but in the central hallway there, there is a place that is utilized for ritual, and this was the place chosen to complete this spell. As you all gather around, Allura pulls out a book and she goes through it again, finds the page, and takes a little bit to complete this very elaborate glyph across the ground, and she's-- some of it she knows by heart, some of it she's having to refer to the book, and she goes through and completes copying all these various runes. And then goes, "All right, friends, come please, "stand in the center." ASHLEY: I jump in real quick. MATT: Okay. (as Allura) "And do you have Grog with you?" LAURA: Oh yes. Should I bring him out? MATT: "As long as he's with you it should be fine. "Is Trinket coming?" [laughter, awwing] LAURA: How terrible is Pandemonium? MATT: "Well, it's called Pandemonium." [laughter] MATT: "(chuckles)" LAURA: I'm having a very hard time here. TRAVIS: Sorry, who's this Trinket? MATT: At which point you hear behind your ear (growls). TRAVIS: Fuck! [laughter] MATT: You turn around to see this massive, brown-furred grizzly bear covered in armor that's just, teeth are exposed, its lip quivering with a snarl. (growling)
TRAVIS: Friend or foe? Friend or foe? LAURA: He's a friend.
LIAM: Oh, that is a handsome bear, and she walks up and starts scratching him by the neck. You are a beast, look at you!
MATT: (grunting) LIAM: I think you should bring him with us. [awwing, laughter] LAURA: (tearfully) Sorry, someone very
close to me did that as well. I mean, maybe we should. Trinket? MATT: (inquisitive groan) LAURA: It's quite dangerous, you know. Grog is the necklace, so if anything happens to you, you won't be able to go there. You understand? MATT: You see he starts, like, making this subtle notion of his nose towards the ground. (grunts) LAURA: What do you mean? I cast Speak With Animals. MATT: (low-pitched) "I can carry him." [awwing] [laughter, applause] LAURA: All right. All right, you can carry him. MATT: (slurping) Big, long lick upside
your face with a giant bear tongue. LAURA: I bamf Grog out. MATT: (splat) Second heavy slam on the marble floor of the inner sanctum. It echoes through the long halls and pillars and you watch as the nearby scale bearers all stop to turn to see what that loud firecracker sound was. Oh, it's Grog. [laughter] TALIESIN: You're lucky we don't shave you in your sleep. Ugh. [oohs] TALIESIN: He had it coming! MATT: (laughs) [cheering] SAM: I think his face just moved. [laughter] MATT: All right. Trinket walks over. (thumps) And starts dragging him by his teeth. Like pulls up.
LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. Can someone-- Pike, can we get Trinket? ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here. MATT: With both of you together, you manage to get Grog's extremely heavy body onto Trinket's back, and wrestle him between the shoulders. LAURA: Trinket? MATT: (inquisitive grunt) LAURA: How does it feel? MATT: (decisive grunt) LAURA: All right. MARISHA: I think I have some rope. We might be able to, like, tie Grog's hands and his legs, and he'd be like a Grog backpack on Trinket. [laughter and cheering] MARISHA: Just if you want to. LIAM: You snooze you lose, buddy! [laughter] TALIESIN: Does the wearing of Grog backpack increase or decrease Trinket's AC, out of curiosity? [laughter] MATT: It's almost like a wild shape. It's just additional hit points for Trinket. TALIESIN: All right! [cheering] TALIESIN: I like that. MARISHA: Percy, help. Percy! Help me!
TALIESIN: I am helping. I'm helping run things. Well done. Well done. Oh, yes, all right. MATT: All right, you manage to
go ahead and affix Grog's body to Trinket's back, using the plates of armor to anchor him. You feel pretty sturdy. LAURA: You know, if we get in a fight, this is going to be really awkward. All right. MATT: Allura looks around. "All right, so that's one, two, three, "four, five, six, seven, eight. "That'll do. "Step into the circle, everyone." You can see the nerves. There's a bit of a sweat bead around her forehead. "Just be careful. "Keep your eyes about you. "Stay together. "Things are strange in the outer planes. "Not everything is as it seems. "And some things are far more dangerous than they may seem." LIAM: This will be interesting. It's been decades since I've gone plane-hopping. Are you ready, Mr. Bell? TRAVIS: (nervously) Yeah! More than ever! (clears throat) MATT: "Good luck. "And be safe." As she extends her hand, you watch all the runes glow around you. The chamber seems to vibrate with this low hum. You hear the steady cracking sound, and you think it's the temple falling onto you, but it's not. It's the ground crumbling from beneath you. All of you (swooshes) get pulled (whooshing) below, into this vacuum of space. And then suddenly thrust through this speeding lattice of glowing, yellow-orange energy, (whoosh) rushes past you. An interpretation of the Divine Gate, maybe your minds trying to interpret, or was that actually the physical Divine Gate? You don't know. But within a moment, suddenly, your feet hit heavy rock. (whooshing) You are all simultaneously blasted with one of the heaviest winds you've ever felt. Your vision is dark. There is light nowhere around you. You are in a black expanse. You can feel sand and dust rocketing and pummeling your form. Your skin stings with the sheer perpetual impact of these heavy, heavy winds. The sound of them is this curling, grinding scream of thousands of voices. The wind being raked across the cragulous expanse that you cannot see. Welcome to Pandemonium. [cheering] SAM: (moans) MATT: And that's where we'll go ahead and take our break. ALL: Oh! [cheering] LAURA: Oh my god. SAM: Holy shit. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. MATT: I figured that'd be--
AUDIENCE MEMBER: It's all right, Travis! MATT: (laughs) That'd be a good breaking point. So we'll be back here shortly. We're going to take a little break for ourselves, and for you guys as well, to go ahead and get drinks, peruse in the lobby. We'll make sure to call you back in before the next part of the show begins. But-- Oh, shit's about to get real interesting. TALIESIN: (laughs) [cheering] MATT: Thank you, guys. We'll see you here in a little bit. MARISHA: and TALIESIN: Woo! LIAM: Subscribe. Or don't subscribe. That's not a question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime, or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them? To play. To sleep. No more. And by a sleep to say the cast and crew of Crit'cal Role might find their naps around their hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. (sad music) To play, or sleep. No sleep. But just to stream. Aye, there's the rub. For with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tagline. Do we got that? Oh! That is Twitch poetry. Mm! Oh, anyway. Subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. Gift some subscriptions. You-- you got it. Wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. (upbeat classical music) (tense music) TRAVIS (V.O.): As you navigate the dark and stressful corridors of adulthood, armed with nothing but the power of nostalgia. With the pale glow of the cabinet, and oversized neon buttons as your guiding torch, open your soul to the raw power of the All Work No Play MAME cabinet, armed with over 20,000 old school arcade games, including some very bizarre and obscure titles that were clearly made by a very lonely developer. Really, the Critical Role crew just desperately needs an excuse for some low-key socialization. TALIESIN: As a matter of fact, the first home system was the Magnavox Odyssey back in 1972. It came with six games: tennis, table tennis, like a Simon Says-- TRAVIS (V.O.): Especially after the two-hour weekly meeting that precedes the filming of the show. You have the power. Nostalgia power. This is MAME Drop. Airing Tuesdays at 4:00pm Pacific, on Critical Role Twitch. (party music) TRAVIS: (distorted VO): No actual powers granted. We realize MAME cabinets were cool ten years ago, but we're excited to finally have one. TRAVIS: (sighs) Howdy, partners. The Critical Role posse is wrangling a new show to our Twitch Channel on February 26th called, Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch. BRIAN: Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch? Well, that sounds funner than a bag of corn kernels in a deer's-- (laughs) I'm sorry. (beep) You see, (beep) I'm crazy. (beep) We can't do this. (beep) Oh my god, dude. (can opening) (beep) What are the-- Marisha! (beep) I can do it. I can do it. (beep)
(giggling) Jesus Christ. (beep) 'Cause I can't look at him. (beep) Oh, fuck. (beep) Goddamn. (beep) Goddamn it. (beep) This one's tough. (beep) (laughter) (beep) (laughter) (beep) (laughter) (beep) TRAVIS: Deep in my plums. BRIAN: Deep in my plums! (beep) TRAVIS: (blows raspberry) (beep) (laughter) (beep)
BRIAN: Well, hell. (laughter) (beep)
BRIAN: I'm a 36-year old man! (beep) BRIAN: Well, that sounds funner than a bag of corn kernels in a deer's hind side. What's Travis' Yee-Haw Game Ranch about? TRAVIS: Yee-Haw. (resigned sigh) Yee-Haw Game Ranch is where I, Travis Willingham, BRIAN: And I, me, Brian "Yee-Haw" Foster. TRAVIS: (lip smack) Round up the most rootin' tootin' games on this here side of the Mississippi. BRIAN: Well, you seem all beer and Skittles. I'm over here grinning like a jackass eatin' cactus. What kind of games are we going to play? TRAVIS: Good old-fashioned games, like Call of Duty, Red Dead Redemption, Grand Theft Auto 5, new games, old games, and much, much more. BRIAN: Well, I'm more turnt up
than a hornet in banana pudding. That's enough powder to send any man's six-shooter a-blastin'. How often can I fill my canteen at that stream? TRAVIS: Oh, it's going to do-si-do
with our cousin show, MAME Drop, and stream bi-weekly on Tuesdays at 4:00pm Pacific on Critical Role's Twitch channel. BRIAN: Well, hell, you better
bet your momma's floral bloomers that I'll be there quicker than a lonely farm boy on a herd of sheep. TRAVIS: (lip smack) Well. I'm drying up faster than a drunk in a jailhouse over here. So we'll see you live on Tuesday, February 26th. But for now, it's time to put out the fire, and call in the dogs. BRIAN: Yes, sir, I'm going to get on about my rat killin'. TRAVIS: Y'all come back soon now, ya hear? BRIAN: Yee-Haw. ♪ Travis Willingham's Yee-Haw Game Ranch ♪ Yee-Haw! (beep)
BRIAN: Wow. Well. MARISHA: Oh my god. BRIAN: We had fun.
MARISHA: That was-- BRIAN: We had fun.
(beep) BRIAN: Hello. Welcome back to Critical Role Land. I'm here to share some exciting news. Between the Sheets is back for season two. As promised, this season, we'll be interviewing storytellers from music, film and TV, comics, D&D, and more. Some of our guests this season are rapper, writer, nerd and friend of the show, Logic. Cinematographer Quyen Tran. Actor and painting guru Will Friedle. Writer, showrunner, and leader of the High Bear Nation, Noelle Stevenson, and more. Also this season we have upgraded cocktails, thanks to a trio of New York Critter bartenders. You can watch episodes live on twitch.tv/criticalrole, on Monday nights at 7:00pm Pacific, or Wednesdays on our YouTube channel, at youtube.com/criticalrole. Come join us for a drink, will you? [old-timey music] [futuristic music] MARISHA: Like that? (glasses rattling)
BABS: (frustrated sigh) [futuristic music] [fantastical music] [cheering] TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: And welcome back. So. Jumping in where we left off. After being transported across the planes by Allura's spell, you all touch down into the rocky expanse that is the plane of Pandemonium. The heavy winds are smashing into you not to a degree where it's damaging you, but it's just a painful sting against the skin. The sound of the wind around you is what's more catching your attention. This roaring, this perpetually churning din is loud. Loud. And there is no light. You are in darkness. And even those of you with darkvision, the sheer volume of dust and sand that's being blown around you, is limiting your vision to about 10 to 15 feet. TRAVIS: (loudly) Ah yes! The winter winds of the Pandemonium plane! I recognize it anywhere! [laughter] SAM: Bertrand, how do we get out of this? TRAVIS: You know it seems the seasons have changed since I was last here. Does anyone have any light? ASHLEY: I cast Light.
SAM: Hey! MATT: All right, you cast Light, and in the area, most of you that are in the proximity, the immediate vicinity of Pike, the-- What do you cast Light on? ASHLEY: My finger. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: You're like fucking E.T.? MATT: Yep! In a true E.T. moment-- ASHLEY: I don't know if I've ever cast Light before. MATT: -- Pike is a bright-lit beacon. And those of you who are a few steps away from her, you can just barely make out her shape, as the area is this dull, orange brown glow where it fills up with the perpetual sandstorm around you. So you can see the space immediately in your vicinity, but you still cannot see past the 10 to 15 feet around you. This storm is cutting your vision off, and you have no idea quite where you are, where to go. What do you want to do? And it's getting perpetually colder, too. The wind here is cutting and cold. SAM: Well, we tried, guys. [laughter] TALIESIN: I think we need to find shelter. ASHLEY: Grog's soul? [laughter] ASHLEY: Grog's soul! MATT: Trinket comes over to you and he's like (groans). LAURA: I know, dear, this is awful. Oh. Just keep breathing out. Keep doing that.
MATT: (frantic exhaling) LAURA: Scanlan, does any of it look familiar? SAM: Oh, that's right, I saw this stuff. When I saw a glimpse of this place, nothing looked like this. Literally nothing. There was a red gem. There was a tower. There was... nothing like this. But maybe someone could locate the tower or something? Can you find a distant object with magic? LAURA: Sure, if it's within 1000 feet. SAM: Oh. TALIESIN: Well... LAURA: It could be. I suppose.
SAM: There was a red gem. Maybe someone could focus on that. I don't know how magic works. MARISHA: I could try to scry on it, but-- LAURA: Oh, that's smart. MARISHA: I mean a red gem is, like, a red gem? LAURA: You could try to scry on Grog's soul. MARISHA: DM, can you scry on someone's soul? [laughter] MATT: You are familiar enough with them. You could certainly try. [cheering] MARISHA: You know what's really great? I still have that scrying eye! So let me just, let me just-- TALIESIN: Let's make a circle. Make a circle. Everyone make a circle. MARISHA: Try and block the wind, I got to--
TALIESIN: Yep. MARISHA: Ugh, my hair!
SAM: Get in here, Tel and Bell. TRAVIS: We're huddling up, is that-- okay. SAM: Yes, huddle up! MARISHA: I just need to-- And I look at it.
MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And I concentrate on Grog's soul. And the red gem. Grog's soul meets a red gem. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yes.
MATT: All right. First and foremost, I would like you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: What?
LAURA: What? Oh. MARISHA: Why? SAM: Because Pandemonium!
MARISHA: Because Pandemonium? MATT: Because you are being blasted and buffeted with a heavy wind. Just curious. Just give it a roll.
LIAM: Oh, it's Pandemonium in here! MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil. [cheering] [laughter] MARISHA: I know where you're sitting. SAM: Row K, seat one. MARISHA: Uh... Eight. MATT: Eight. The sand is blasting into your eyes, and it gets in the corner of one, and you close it for a second. The scry of the object fails. MARISHA: Ow! TALIESIN: We need shelter. MARISHA: Ah! SAM: I can make us a mansion. [cheering] LAURA: But that's another plane.
SAM: But no, that won't help us, that's on a different plane of existence. We won't be able to find him from within. TRAVIS: You know, I feel if we push forward, we'll find what we're searching for. SAM: You are the guide. TRAVIS: Follow me! And I just push forward. TALIESIN: I wouldn't do that, that's-- no. MATT: You watch as Sir Bertrand just vanishes into the dust storm. TALIESIN: That is the most pompous, egotistical arsehole I've ever met in my entire life! [laughter, cheering] TALIESIN: Who acts like that?! LAURA: Nobody I've ever met. SAM: This is awkward. Very awkward. TALIESIN: Dropping the mask, and I suppose we're trying to find the idiot that ran into the dust. TRAVIS: It's really quite cold up here! SAM: We'll follow. I'll follow. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right.
MARISHA: Can I do a gust of wind spell in the opposite way? And then try to counteract it? Is that...
SAM: Hot wind-on-wind action? MATT: Okay. It is a cantrip for you, and you are of the Air Ashari.
MARISHA: I am. MATT: As you concentrate on your Gust cantrip, you're able to keep the wind at bay for about five feet ahead of you. So you can create a wind shield perpetually in front of you. LAURA: I'm going to stand right next to Keyleth. TALIESIN: Yep, getting in there. I've got the mask, I'm okay. LIAM: Do you know, I can us create a proper shelter here if we require one. It will hamper my ability to return us home if need be, but I'm not the only one here who can do that, am I correct? MARISHA: Uh, you're correct. LIAM: Would we like a shelter? TALIESIN: Let's perhaps venture--
SAM: Let's press on. TALIESIN: -- a little further, but it's good to know the option's available. TRAVIS: (loudly) It's really just as bad
out here as it was back there! [laughter] LIAM: There he is. MARISHA: I rush to catch up to Bertrude, and put the shield in front of him. Kind of behind him. MATT: As Bertrand turns around seeing the light appear, you can see his silver mane is just flocked light brown. His face is caked in dust and dirt, and his eyes are held very tightly shut where the gathering sand is now pushing into the corners of it. TRAVIS: Like a chimney sweep?
MATT: Yeah. [laughter] TRAVIS: I have my Shield of Expression out, which is the exact visage of if Richard Gere and Sean Connery had a baby. MARISHA: Ooh.
LIAM: Ah! [cheering] TRAVIS: This doesn't do much! SAM: Get behind us. TRAVIS: That's very helpful. Thank you. TALIESIN: We need to get our bearings. I'm not sure if shelter is the way to do that yet, but we do need to figure out where we're going, and how. MATT: Percy is talking, and you cannot make out the words, because he's talking too softly. TRAVIS: I see it flapping. I don't hear anything! LAURA: Can someone else use the scrying eye while you're doing that cantrip, Keyleth? LIAM: I am able to scry, if need be. SAM: Yes, yes!
LAURA: How about we do that? LIAM: And I might be able to find the swiftest route to your friend if I do so. MARISHA: Do you know what his soul looks like? You have to concentrate on his soul. LIAM: I only what his giant drunken body looks like. I'm not sure what the soul appears to be.
MARISHA: About the same! [laughter] LIAM: I am here to serve, shall I? LAURA: Think of a red gem as well. (yelling) Think of a red gem as well! TRAVIS: A red hen? [laughter] LIAM: I will try to scry on a red gem, and the big numbnut's soul. MATT: All right, are you sitting behind the gust of wind that Keyleth's holding up?
LIAM: Yes, I am. And I'm-- wait, first. MATT: Yes?
LIAM: I cast Guidance on myself. And then I do the same. SAM: I'll make a Minor Illusion of what the gem looked like, so you get a better, better impression of it. Do it. MATT: All right, got you, and the scry is... Pulling it up here. Excuse me. TALIESIN: Flip flip flip. MATT: Scry is concentration, so technically, when you begin to cast the spell, the Guidance will fade. So you will not get the benefit of your own Guidance. LIAM: Ah, understood. Cleric, level 18. One-shot. Fun. MATT: I know, it's a brave new world. TALIESIN: I'm so proud. MATT: But however, standing in the space behind Keyleth does prevent any sort of battering for the purposes of concentrating on the scry spell. And thankfully, Grog is-- there's not a lot to Grog, necessarily, so the description that Keyleth gave you with Vex's support made it-- seems to be enough. So, as your focus narrows. [laughter] ASHLEY: No, his soul is beautiful! It's perfect. MATT: I didn't say it wasn't perfect, I just said it was... simple. [laughter] ASHLEY: Simple things are beautiful. MATT: They are. Not mutually exclusive. TRAVIS: (as Grog) Thanks. MATT: In focusing your attention, not the direction that Bertrand was standing, but you get the sense, to your back and right side, you feel your consciousness being thrust through the sandstorm in that direction. You can't make out any details of the vicinity. You just have a feel of the pull, and it seems to just continue on and on for a distance. And then suddenly you see the rocks. It looks like a tower, a mountain, but it's like a crumbled castle or a landslide. It's just a pile of loose boulders and stones, stacked up into this gradual spire. Along it, you can see dozens of cavern holes. Entrances and caves that suffuse the entire structure. And you're brought to the top where you see the peak, where a somewhat square, rectangular wall surrounds a flattened bluff point. There you see a tiny, glowing, flickering red stone, no more than the size of maybe a fist. And you see a shape rise from around the side. Kind of hard to make out what it looks like from this distance, because your focus is on this particular stone, as it is the source of the scrying. But you see something blurred and moving around the outside, and you hear a heavy, loud scream. (screams loudly) Weirdly humanoid. But bigger. And... unearthly. And that's what you see. LIAM: Well. I've put my eyes on him. For the next step, I could find the quickest path there, but I can sense that it is in that direction, and I would prefer to save my Queen's favor for bigger challenges. Shall we push through? TALIESIN: Yes, let's. LIAM: That direction. TALIESIN: I suppose we line up behind Keyleth. MARISHA: Flying V. Flying V, everybody. MATT: You read Percy's lips in the middle of the loud storm. Not hearing his voice, lost. TALIESIN: Well, you know, it was some stage speaking. MATT: Need a little more volume to get them to hear you. TALIESIN: (yelling) We're going to line up behind Keyleth! Motherfucker.
[cheering] MATT: Welcome to Pandemonium, Taliesin. TALIESIN: My god. LIAM: Okay, now, could you give us five small pain reacts and five medium pain reacts? TALIESIN: (grunting) [laughter] Sorry, it's just gut reaction. Yeah. MATT: All right, so as you're all lining up behind Keyleth, it's not helping your vision, but it's helping it not slam you in the face necessarily. The loud-- the volume of it is still very intense, and it's a little disorienting. The ground just seems to not have much shift in elevation. It's this somewhat rocky, hilly surface, seemingly sandblasted over endless eons to be smooth against what may have been at one time a very jagged surface. Continuing to press on, you travel for the better part of an hour in that direction, and there's seemingly no change, no shift. and there's seemingly no change, no shift. The wind sometimes dies a little bit softer, and you begin to get excited at the prospect of it lessening and then, (whooshes) it comes back twice as hard and you have to stop for a second and hunker down, and wait it as this wind storm sweeps through. Everyone suffers four points of bludgeoning damage, as a wind storm batters you with a completely unexpected cavalcade of rock and stone pieces. Then, 10 seconds pass, and it dies back down again. Your ears are starting to ring and turn red and warm from both the impact of the wind, and just the heavy, heavy, constant, perpetually screaming, howling wind. I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution-- Oh, sorry, wisdom saving throw for me, if you don't mind. SAM: Wisdom. LAURA: Even Trinket? MATT: Even Trinket. SAM: Is this a magical effect? It's magical. MATT: Nope!
SAM: No, it's not. Oh. MATT: Not a magical effect. Sorry, buddy. SAM: Great. TRAVIS: This is a save against sandblasting. SAM: Okay. [laughter] TRAVIS: 18. MATT: 18, good to know. All right, Pike? ASHLEY: Nine. MATT: Nine. AUDIENCE: Nein! MATT: (laughs) Vex? LAURA: 21 for Vex and 14 for Trinket. MATT: Nice. All right, Lieve'tel? LIAM: 17.
MATT: 17, Keyleth? MARISHA: 24. MATT: 24. Percival? TALIESIN: Nine. AUDIENCE: Nein!
MATT: Nine. (laughs) SAM: 11. MATT: 11. All right. The perpetual sound, the cold temperature, and the wind that's buffeting around you, it's a lot. And it's constant. And for an hour of this time, it's starting to really show why this place can be a maddening location to be left or live. Both Percival and Pike take a point of exhaustion. LIAM: May I, for a moment? In the middle of that sandstorm, while we were getting blasted like that, I will be walking behind Lady V-- hmm. de Rolo. I almost said Vessar. Do you know, I saw you and your brother once. Outside of Her temple. You look very much alike. LAURA: No shit. [laughter] LIAM: I am also from Syngorn, although it's been 150 years since I lived there. I know he would want you safe. Stay close to me. And-- [groaning] She places her hand on Vex'ahlia's shoulder and casts Death Ward. MATT: Okay. So go ahead and take note of that, if you don't mind. LAURA: (tearfully) Okay. Sure. (exhales) Thank you. LIAM: Any way I can help. MATT: You hear a new sound begin to emerge from the storm, ahead of you and to the left. At first, it just sounds like an additional shout. But it's a voice. "Travelers! "But appearing far more armed and prepared than most. "A posse." You look ahead, and you see the shape, this humanoid shape, shorter than you expect from a normal human, but nevertheless, a head, shoulders, arms, legs, begin to step through the blasting sand. You can see a cloak tightly pulled around its form, whipping heavily in the wind in your direction. As it steps into the light of Pike's finger-- [laughter] The figure appears to be male. The skin has a yellow tint to it. His ears are pointed like the purest of elves. A scraggly patch of facial hair frames a pointed chin. The nose seems shorter and snubbed. The head's a bit elongated at the back of the skull. Fine tattoos seem to adorn edges of the face that is dust-beaten and pockmarked, just blasted with sand, and from just the immediate look, this looks like an individual who's been here for some time. You've had a little bit of not direct interaction, but from what you've heard in your research on the skull that you found, beneath Whitestone, or not underneath, once underneath Greyskull Castle, one that you had fought over previously. A very similar shape to the head. [laughter] SAM: What? MATT: Steps out further from the
dust to come into the light, with a smile and wide eyes, and goes, "Bring presents?" TRAVIS: Identify yourself, villain! [laughter] Bertrand Bell commands it!
TALIESIN: Oh dear. MATT: "I, uh... "My name, (laughs)-- "I, uh... "I do not have one. "I had one? "What is my name? "Could you tell me?" TRAVIS: This is not good. [laughter] SAM: If the fellow wants a name, we should give him one. LAURA: Bob? SAM: Yep. LAURA: Hey there, Bob. MATT: "Is Bob my name?" LAURA: Sure. MATT: "It does not ring a bell. "But, few things do these days. "Ha! "I am... "Bob." TALIESIN: It suits you. MATT: "Thank you very much! "You've-- "You look very clean." TALIESIN: I don't feel very clean. MATT: "You've traveled far then, travelers, yes?" TALIESIN: I think that's fair to say, yes. LAURA: Insight check? MATT: Go for it. SAM: Is he crazy or not? LAURA: I want to see if he seems dangerous. Of course he's fucking dangerous. Oh. (vapid voice) He looks really sweet, I mean... I don't know. MATT: It's interesting. He's hard to read. [laughter] "But, uh... "Where are you from, then?" TALIESIN: Far away. We're looking-- do you know if there's somewhere quieter we could speak? MATT: "Quiet? (laughs) "Not much quiet here, friend. [laughter] LIAM: We're looking for higher ground, a tower, perhaps. MATT: "Ah."
LIAM: Do you know of one? MATT: "I have seen this tower, yes." SAM: How far is it from here? MARISHA: And how do you know it's
the tower we're talking about? MATT: "There's only really one tower in this part. "So maybe I'm assuming." TRAVIS: That sounds good. Lead on, then. MATT: "(laughs) I'm not leading. "I came for presents." SAM: Presents, presents, presents. MARISHA: Wha--
SAM: Presents. LIAM: Are there any consequences if there are none for you? MATT: "No. "I was just hoping you would have some." MARISHA: I quickly Druidcraft a little bouquet of flowers. These are from... Me. [laughter] MATT: As the Gust cantrip falls, and you create the flowers, the sand and dust just shatters them in a gust of wind. As he reaches for it, and they (whooshes). MARISHA: I'm sorry! LAURA: Keyleth! MARISHA: I try to chase after them. Where you-- oh. MATT: You watch Keyleth vanish into the sandstorm, chasing the flowers. LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: I d-- I think they're gone! TRAVIS: Put the wall back up! [laughter] MATT: "Don't worry!" MARISHA: Sorry!
MATT: "You'll lose friends here. "I lost mine." [awwing] MARISHA: Sorry, sorry, sorry. MATT: "Oh, she's back!"
MARISHA: Hi. MATT: "You are luckier than I."
MARISHA: What? MATT: "But you weren't visited, either. Ha!" LAURA: Oh no. ASHLEY: Bob, how long have you been here? MATT: "Uh-- (voice cracks) "I don't know." ASHLEY: How many friends did you come here with? MATT: "I don't remember." ASHLEY: Well, how do you know you lost friends here, then? MATT: "Well, I don't have any." [laughter] ASHLEY: Good point. MATT: "But I feel like I didn't come here alone. "I think. "Ah. "That's what happens when the roiling anger visits. "Anyway. I am so sorry to bother you. "I have much to get done."
LAURA: Wait, the what, the what, the what? MARISHA: Yeah.
LAURA: The what visits? MARISHA: The what? MATT: "The roiling anger!" MARISHA: The boiling anger? MATT: "Roiling!" TRAVIS: Roiling with an R. Roiling anger. MARISHA: The roiling anger. MATT: "The big voice. "The big, dark one." MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: We heard it. It's very loud. Where does that come from? MATT: "You'll see." [laughter] "I thank you. "I thank you all so very much for your presents, "and your presence. "I have to get work done. "Good luck with the weather, I think it might rain." And he turns around, and he just walks into the dust storm away from you. [cheering] LAURA: I think that Bob might be crazy. MATT: Scanlan, go ahead and make an arcana check for me. SAM: That is... 28. [cheering] MATT: Something was needling in the back of your brain the whole time this guy was here. As soon as he's away, it hits you like a ton of bricks. That's a githzerai. It's one of the gith races, that both were-- they were once
enslaved by the mind flayers. Long ago in a distant plane. And then they divided into two different races, the githyanki, and the githzerai. The githyanki are roving terrible pirates that travel from plane to plane, taking what they can. The githzerai are much more... enlightened. And exist in Limbo. Not far from here, technically, in the whole scope of things. Um-- [laughter] That guy's not doing too well. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. SAM: I explain this to my fellows. LAURA: Should we help him? SAM: I don't know, I think we have bigger fish to fry right now. TALIESIN: Could we even find him? TRAVIS: Nope, no, let me look. He's gone. [laughter] TALIESIN: I mean what could we even do, really? MARISHA: What?! TALIESIN: (yelling) What could we even do, really?! [laughter] TRAVIS: You sound like such an old crotchety bastard! MATT: I'm so happy. [cheering] LAURA: I think you sound lovely, darling. TALIESIN: What?! SAM: We must press on. Come on. MARISHA: I think Scanlan's right. I think there's bigger githzerai. Is that what you said? SAM: Sort of, I'll tell you later. Let's just go. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Here we go!
MATT: All right. TALIESIN: It might snow. MARISHA: Yes. It might snow. MATT: Pushing on in the direction
that you managed to suss out that you should travel. Being partial guide, next to Keyleth, which is an uncomfortable pairing, pushing through the storm. LIAM: I'm also going to pull out a silver rod from my belt, which glows faintly, to help guide the way. MATT: All right, which rod is this? ASHLEY: We don't need it! [laughter] [cheering] LIAM: You say that now. The Rod of Alertness.
MATT: Rod of Alertness, got it. Okay. ASHLEY: Oh, I didn't know that's what it was. MATT: (laughs) ASHLEY: In that case. MATT: All righty. Pushing on, you eventually feel a slight grade of the ground. There's just a very faint bit of gradual elevation, which, while you have no visual idea of what this plane looks like right now, and unable to see beyond that small radius around you, you gather from what you were told this would be where this massive cavern would be curving. Yet it continues to curve, it continues to curve like you're climbing up what feels like it should be the side of a massive mountain, but the gravity doesn't shift. You don't feel yourself at an angle. And it seems like gravity's relative to the surface of the interior of the cavern. Another hour of travel passes. Everyone please make another wisdom saving throw. TALIESIN: Mother fudgers.
LAURA: Jeez Louise. TRAVIS: Four. [groaning] TALIESIN: I'm going to reroll that. LIAM: On brand, Bell. LAURA: Natural 20 for Vex. MATT: Nice. [cheering] LAURA: And a 14 for Trinket.
MATT: Great. ASHLEY: 19.
MATT: Great. LIAM: 26.
MATT: Great. And what'd you get, Bertrand? MATT: Okay. MARISHA: 28.
MATT: All right. TALIESIN: 15.
MATT: Great. SAM: 15.
MATT: Great. All of you feel yourselves adjusting a little better to this chaotic plane. Bertrand, who have traveled here so many times in the past. Maybe it's the years you've stacked on, maybe it's the constant screaming of the wind, (screams) into your ears. But you take a point of exhaustion. TRAVIS: Oh fuckballs. MATT: Which for those who are keeping track out there, point of exhaustion means that your ability checks are at disadvantage. [audience member woos]
TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: So.
TRAVIS: Good stuff. MARISHA: Don't "woo" that!
MATT: "Yeah!" [laughter] MARISHA: What's wrong with you? MATT: I love it, I'm here for it. [yelling] MATT: All righty, perfect, so. Towards the end of this hour, as you're pushing on. Eventually, you begin to see the shapes of different small formations ahead of you, begin to just apparate at the edge of the sandstorm. You see these dark peaks, no more than five, six feet off. And as you get close, carefully, it's a cluster of rocks. Move a little further, there's another one, it's a little larger. It looks like a stacking or a pile. And then you move forward again and you see another, and another, and then a bunch of them. A bunch of them that rises up, just beyond your peripheral, and you can just barely make out the dark, and the shape that continues on. This may be the base of that tower. That mountain-like structure that was seen in both of your visions. SAM: We should go up.
LAURA: How's the wind? MATT: You see like, a few small openings, like cavern entrances, caves, scattered along the little bit you can see, and you're at, like, 15 feet from the base of it right now. LAURA: Should we go up, or go in? SAM: (stammers) TRAVIS: I'm pretty sure inside is better than out here! MATT: At which point you hear the sound of the wind begin to shift or change. Something pierces through, cutting through again, similar, in a way that it catches your attention to the voice you heard earlier, only it's much louder, and much more of an ominous screeching howl. (screeches) LIAM: I use the Rod of Alertness to cast Detect Evil. MATT: Okay. What's the radius on that? LIAM: Oh, not that far at all, 30 feet. MATT: No. You do not detect anything. LIAM: Mmkay. TRAVIS: Did it sound like it was coming from in front of us, or just all around? MATT: It sounded like it was coming probably in the direction of one of the nearby caves at the base of the mountain. Then you hear-- (screeching) behind you. ASHLEY: Where did you see Grog again? SAM: I saw-- it was on the peak, right? MATT: On the peak.
SAM: On the peak of this hill. That's it, that's all I got. TALIESIN: I think if we're going to
meet anything, we should meet it somewhere quieter, perhaps.
MATT: (screeching) LAURA: I think maybe move forward. Is it behind us?
SAM: Let's go. MATT: Starting to surround you.
SAM: Let's go in. TRAVIS: Inside. Inside.
MATT: As you begin-- now, the spell that you're casting, you're concentrating on it still? LIAM: Yes. MATT: You begin to see, and sense,
things closing around you. Two.
LAURA: Inside, inside. MATT: Three.
TRAVIS: Yes, must go, must go. LAURA: Let's not get surrounded.
SAM: Let's go, let's go, let's go. MATT: All right, you rush in towards the nearest cavern? LAURA: Sure. MATT: All right, you rush. And right as you get to the mouth of it, something peeks out towards you. You see a massive, feral, dog or wolf-like body. From foot to shoulders on all fours, it stands maybe about a foot higher than you, Vex. Where you can see its like, weird, thick, scaly skin, gray and leathery. Across its back, a bunch of these extended tendrils, like spines follow the back of its spinal cord to the very base of its body. Where its face is, you see a stunted nose with open nostrils that close to keep the sand from blasting in. These glowing, red eyes that peek out at you, and this toothy mouth that opens up, as a toad's throat opens and fills with air. LIAM: I whisper the Raven Queen's name and cast Beacon of Hope on the party. MATT: All right, well. [cheering] That is the only immediate reaction you get, because I need you all motherfuckers to roll initiative. [cheering] LAURA: (yelling) LIAM: Just a reminder, because it's been a while, that means advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saving throws, and all healing is at max. [cheering] SAM: Yeah! TALIESIN: Oh my god. SAM: Wait, where's Matt?
TRAVIS: Don't fuck me, Gil. [cheering] LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: Carefully place it. LIAM: Show us your maps! MATT: It's coming up, don't worry. LAURA: Oh my god.
MATT: Let me adjust something real fast. ASHLEY: Maybe it's friendly! (laughter) MATT: All right. So looking at this, we had Vex coming off to the side to try and make it into the cavern right there. Where would you guys like to be placed in this vicinity, as you are towards the base of the mountain?
TRAVIS: I would be near Vex. MATT: All right. We're going to place Bertrand right there. Keyleth, where would you be? MARISHA: I was sort of up front, guarding from the wind. MATT: All right, so we'll put you there with Vex. Percy. TALIESIN: I would be behind Bertrand. MATT: Behind Bertrand.
TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Pike, you have the light spell, where would you be? ASHLEY: So glad I have my glasses up here. Maybe just tucked in there somewhere. I don't know. Just surprise me. MATT: Sure! Words every dungeon master loves to hear. [laughter] Scanlan. SAM: Back to your left. MATT: Back left here?
SAM: Boom. MATT: All righty. LAURA: And Trinket. MATT: Trinket, yes, is... Oh, and you as well. LIAM: Equidistant to the half-elves, please. MATT: All right, so you would be
probably over in this region. LAURA: I would say Trinket would be behind Percy. MATT: Trinket is behind Percy. MATT: We'll put Scanlan there then, we'll say. All right. So this entity is now emerging from this cavern. And has met you straight in the face. LAURA: Great.
MATT: That opening point. SAM: In your face! MATT: As another appears to be stalking around from here. SAM: Ooh, no. MATT: Another seems to be stalking out from here.
SAM: Oh no. LAURA: Ah! MARISHA: Oh, he's big.
LAURA: Oh, they're huge! MATT: And another seems to be stalking around from here.
SAM: What?! LIAM: Ooh.
SAM: Matt! MATT: What?! [laughter] So. LAURA: I'm real excited for my arrows in this wind. MATT: That's a great initiative roll for them, too. So top of the round, 25 to 20. Who's got that? LAURA: (whistling)
TRAVIS: Oh, good. Good. [cheering] MATT: 20 to 15. TRAVIS: 19!
LIAM: 19. MATT: Ooh! LIAM: Ahh, oh! MATT: All right.
LIAM: So this is Vox Machina, eh? MATT: 19. All right, so we got that. Perfect. 15 to 10? LAURA: 15.
TALIESIN: 13. MATT: What was it? What was it?
LAURA: 15. MATT: 15 for Vex. TALIESIN: 13. MATT: 13 for Percy. MARISHA: 12.
MATT: 12 for Keyleth. All right. 10 to five. SAM: Eight. MATT: Eight for Scanlan. [cheering] Pike? ASHLEY: I rolled a three. [cheering] Keeping Pike alive! MATT: On brand! TRAVIS: It's good to be back. ASHLEY: Good to be back. MATT: So, actually, it's because of your quickness and reaction time that got you guys so quick, partially you just being prepared, and you just being scared shitless, both of you go first, you're at the
top of the initiative order. What are you doing? LIAM: Shitless, you're up. TRAVIS: Ah! MATT: Sir Bertrand, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I draw my Gambler's Rapier Blade, and I attack the one nearest to me with three strikes! MATT: All right. [cheering] So you rush forward to join the others at the front of the cavern, as it's now about to scream in your face, you watch its throat swelling as it takes in air and dust and sand. Go ahead and make your attacks. TRAVIS: Beautiful. First one is a 24. MATT: 24 hits. TRAVIS: Second one is a 27. SAM: Jesus.
MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: And a 17. MATT: All three hit. TRAVIS: Yeah, you bet they fucking do! [cheering] Four. 12. 24. Uh, nine. 33 total points of slashing damage! MATT: Nice! As it pierces into it and goes to the hilt within its body, you withdraw the blade and watch as this black brackish liquid (spits) pours out of the slightly puncture wound, and a bit of the wind that it was gathering in its throat seems to (gasps) escape it, and the wound just closes to keep the air in. But you have wounded it. It seems to have left a mark. TRAVIS: Ah ha ha! MATT: As its burning red eyes, go-- (snarls) towards you. TRAVIS: No. MATT: Is that the end of your turn?
TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: All right. What would you like to do? LIAM: Lieve'tel rips one of the five silver stars from her robe, pulls away and blasts out from her hand, and turns into... seven streaking pink arcane energy bolts and flies into the beast that is furthest from me on that map. SAM and MARISHA: Dope, dope, dope, dope.
LIAM: One, five, six, 10. 12, 15, 19... 26 points of damage. And as a bonus action, I will... pray to the Raven Queen, and the tip of my staff starts to glow as I cast Holy Weapon on my walking stick. [cheering] MATT: Just as a note: Holy Weapon, is a concentration spell. LIAM: Which one is? MATT: Holy Weapon is a concentration spell. LAURA: Oh no, so is Beacon of Hope.
MATT: So you will drop your beacon. LIAM: Say that again? Oh. Shit. MARISHA: Uh-huh. TALIESIN: Welcome to cleric. LIAM: Yeah, it's a brand new character. MATT: (laughs) It's all good. LIAM: No. I'll leave it just as the star. Thank you for the tip, DM.
LAURA: I'm next? LIAM: Just the star. MATT: All right. So you're good with that? LAURA: Just nod, yes. MATT: Yes, you're good? LIAM: Yeah, good, done.
MATT: All right, that finishes your turn. Now it comes to the howler's turns.
LAURA: No! TRAVIS: They're called howlers?
MARISHA: Howlers?! MATT: They are. So... This one here that comes around the corner, as it prepares itself, the one that you haven't been paying attention to most at this point, inhales deeply, and-- (squeals) lets out this horrible, screaming howl. LIAM: What the fuck, Matt! [laughter] MATT: What? SAM: Oh! LIAM: Oh no! TRAVIS: What the fuck?! LAURA: That's a really big area!
MATT: That gets all of you. I need all of you to make a wisdom saving throw, please. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: So Beacon of Hope dropped, right? MATT: No, it's still up.
MARISHA: So we have advantage. LIAM: I got some leniency, because I've never done this fucking character before! SAM: We have advantage, is that right? TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me.
MATT: You do. SAM: Thank god. LAURA: And this is wisdom, you said? MATT: It's a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: Yeah, but I have disadvantage
because of a point of exhaustion, so it's a regular roll, right? MATT: You need two points to be on saving throws, I believe. SAM: Exhaustion is disadvantage on ability checks.
MATT: It's just ability checks. LIAM: Advantage everybody. MATT: Just roll with advantage, that's all you need to know. LIAM: Beacon of Hope.
TRAVIS: Better. [laughter] MARISHA: Oh, buddy! TRAVIS: Three. LIAM: With advantage?! TRAVIS: Yeah, I rolled a one and a two! LIAM: Why'd you roll such a dick? MATT: All right. So Bertrand is a three. Pike? ASHLEY: 14. MATT: 14, okay. LAURA: 20 for Vex, 16 for Trinket. MATT: Got it. LIAM: 27 for Lieve'tel.
MATT: All right. MARISHA: 23. TALIESIN: 11. SAM: Natural 20. MARISHA: Hey!
[cheering] MATT: All of you instinctually reach up for your ears to cover it. Most of you manage to press out the horrible, squealing wail except for Sir Bertrand, Pike, and Percival. SAM: Ooh. MATT: The three of you feel it tear into your soul--
LAURA: What did you roll, Percy? MATT: -- and you are filled with absolute fear. A deeper fear than you felt probably in all to memory, and at least since the battle of Vecna, if not more. You are frightened of it and incapacitated until the end of its next turn. TALIESIN: Fuck. MATT: Boop. Boop. Boop. So that's its action. TALIESIN: Damn it. [laughter] Damn it, damn it, damn it.
MATT: It leaps up onto the rocks and goes and moves around to where Scanlan is, and now snarls at him. (snarls) The one on this side is going to move around to strike you, Scanlan, with a rending bite. Its jaws open and reach forward to try and grab onto your body. That is a cocked die.
SAM: I'll do Cutting Words, I'll pick up my hand cone. [cheering] MATT: Liam.
SAM: And I'll try to distract it with my Hand Cone of Clarity. (farting sounds) [laughter] (farting sounds) MATT: All right, go ahead and roll your d12. SAM: My d12. 12. [cheering] MATT: So I legitimately, I just showed Liam, I rolled a natural 20 on the attack. Which means it did 26. Reduce down to 12, that brings it to 14. What's your armor class?
LIAM: However as a reaction-- SAM: My armor class is 16. LAURA: Oh, so don't worry about it. MATT: So. LIAM: That's not necessary. MATT: I don't know, you want to use your reaction? LIAM: What did you do? SAM: I'm okay! LIAM: What did you do?
MATT: He's fine, he's fine. SAM: I farted at it and it got confused. It's a classic D&D move, Liam! MATT: Okay, well, damn it. You robbed me of a natural 20
at the top of the game. SAM: Yeah!
LIAM: Yes! MATT: I'll remember that. [laughter] These other ones, however, are going to take their turn now. SAM: Oh god. LAURA: Oh god. MATT: That one is going to go after Pike, who is currently incapacitated on the ground. LAURA: No! MATT: Incapacitated is kind of rough, you see. Because... LIAM: Is that an auto-crit? MATT: Incapacitated, I believe, is an auto-crit if it hits. LAURA: (gasps)
LIAM: Okay. LAURA: I think she's laying down with her shield over top of her, though. MATT: That's a 21 to hit. ASHLEY: That does not hit! LAURA: Yeah! [cheering] MARISHA: Monstah! ASHLEY: I'm a monstah tank! MATT: Level 20. And this one here is going to go after Bertrand, because you are also incapacitated. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: That's going to be 18. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: All right. LIAM: Lieve'tel will use
Sentinel at Death's Door as a reaction, you can reduce a critical hit to you or an ally within 30 feet to a regular hit. [cheering]
MATT: Okay. Good to know. All right, so, you instead take 34 points of damage. SAM and TALIESIN: Ohh! LIAM: (laughs) Holy shit! TRAVIS: Oh my god! MATT: That's 12 points of piercing. TRAVIS: Okay. It's all the same. MATT: And 22 points of psychic. As its teeth tear into your body, MARISHA: Wow, okay, okay, okay. MATT: You feel that haunting shriek that has you so scared suddenly just vibrate through your entire being. The tears begin to pour down your face. Which then the sand cakes on. You look like the worst clown that's ever existed right now. [laughter] That ends their go. Vex, you're up. And Percy, you're on deck. TALIESIN: Am I useful at this point, or am I just waiting for my turn to pass? MATT: I mean, you're waiting for your turn to come. It's Vex right now. LAURA: So I have a question.
MATT: Mm-hmm. LAURA: With my vast arrow expertise, would I be able to shoot in this wind? MATT: You actually can shoot in this wind. I will say that the distance fired, like the actual full length of your bow is reduced quite a bit. LAURA: Okay. MATT: So what is your current range? LAURA: Very, very far. With Fenthras, I mean, I've got Sharpshooter, so I'm assuming it's like 120 feet. It's something crazy. Yeah. MATT: All right, so yeah. You have 60 feet, is your range.
LAURA: Okay. MATT: So you're fine here. That's only because you're fucking awesome. [cheering] LAURA: Okay. So. I'm going to shoot an arrow at it. First, I'm going to Hunter's Mark, though. What what! [cheering] The one that's on top of Pike. Because the one... MATT: We'll say that's them there. LAURA: Okay.
MATT: That'll work. We can just use a counter there. LAURA: Yeah. Okay. I guess I'll roll, then. Okay. Oh, plus fucking 16! So that's a 24. MATT: 24 hits, roll damage.
LAURA: Awesome. Oh god, wait, what do I do? (distressed sound) Oh wait, is it next to anything? Wait, I forgot. I'm also a rogue. Is it next to anything? MATT: It is engaged with Keyleth. LAURA: Yeah! Okay, cool. Okay, cool.
MARISHA: Wait, what? LAURA: So I'm going to roll this. Roll these.
MATT: It's snarling at your back. You're currently pincered between the ones coming out of the cave, and the one that just leapt behind you and attacked Pike. You heard its teeth grind against her armor, and you're like, what? You look over right as Vex is pulling an arrow and unleashing it into the creature. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. (faintly) So 15, plus-- MATT: On your mic, on your mic. LAURA: Three is-- (louder) 15 plus three is 18. Plus all this. ASHLEY: Ooh. LAURA: Is-- okay, 18 plus 28.
LIAM: Good rolls, good rolls. LAURA: 32. 35. MATT: 35 on the first arrow, nice. All righty, so (whooshes). It sinks into the side of its neck and it (snarls) it manages to pull away just slightly and come back at you, snarling, (snorts). What are you doing?
LAURA: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hit it again with another arrow. MATT: Go for it. Release it. LAURA: And I'm going to try to sink it into his neck. Oh, wait. I've got this thing. Wait. MATT: Remembering abilities from a year ago. LAURA: Hey, man, look!
TRAVIS: Read faster. LAURA: I can-- shut up. If I can...
[laughter] I'm going to take a penalty to my attack roll, and if I hit I'm going to get a plus 10. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Yeah, sharpshooter! LAURA: Okay, okay, that's 23 minus five. Does that still hit? That would be an 18?
LAURA: 18? MATT: 18 does still hit. LIAM and SAM: Yes!
[cheering] LAURA: (tongue noises) Woo! 16, 17. 20, plus 10 is 30 points of damage. [cheering] MATT: How do you want to do this? ALL: Yeah!
[cheering] MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: I want to-- right as it's inflating its stupid neck balloon, I want to shoot an arrow right in it so it, like, poofs. MATT: All right. As it breathes in, snarling, (croaks) you watch the next expand and swell, and right as it's about to scream right in your face, you release the arrow, and (whooshes). The flesh just tears open, exposing the inside of its throat. It tries to scream, but the arrow has lodged up into the base of the skull, and you watch as its eyes dull. (weakening snarl, thump) Falls to the ground. Killed. LAURA: Ha ha ha ha ha!
ASHLEY: Eyy! LAURA: Ahh! MATT: All right, does that finish your turn? LAURA: Okay. I'm going to-- yeah, that's everything I can do. MATT: You have your bonus-- oh, no, you cast-- LAURA: No, I-- yeah.
MATT: Never mind. All right, Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: Weird question.
MATT: Yes? TALIESIN: Does the Silence spell I have built into my glove, is that a bonus action or an action to activate, I'm trying to remember.
MATT: It's an action. You still have to cast the spell. It's an action. TALIESIN: It's a thing? So, yeah, for fun, I'm going to make a 15-foot sphere of silence. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Around me. (whooshes) And then I'm going to take an action surge. MARISHA: (to the tune of "Sound of Silence")
♪ This is the sphere ... of silence. ♪ TALIESIN: Then I'm going to burn
a point of grit for Deadeye. And I'm going to add that to-- I'm going to take a negative five to that hit, also. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: With Retort.
MATT: To which one? TALIESIN: The one that's attacking the... MATT: Oh wait, you're incapacitated, buddy. TALIESIN: I was asking, am I out out? MATT: Sorry, I forgot that you're down. Yeah, you don't have a turn. TALIESIN: Okay, never mind. MATT: We'll come to that next round. We'll come to that next round. TALIESIN: I'm erasing. Oh, look at that-- MATT: He giveth and he take away. Not my fault! It's the howler's fault! All right, Percy's turn's done. Keyleth is still standing, though. Keyleth, what are you doing? MARISHA: I... am...
TALIESIN: Never mind. MATT: Sorry, buddy. MARISHA: Okay. So I have a doggy in front of me? MATT: You do, and a dead one behind you. Don't say doggy. TRAVIS: Howler. LAURA: It's a howler.
MARISHA: All right, a howler. LAURA: It's an evil doggy. MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to take my staff, I'm going to start channeling a spell through it, I'm going to reach out, and I'm going to grab him by the throat, and I'm going to cast Chain Lightning through my Spire of Conflux. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Just then I'm reaching the staff, bringing lightning down from the sky, and then into this doggy's-- howler's face. MATT: (laughs) TALIESIN: Puppy. MARISHA: No, that's worse.
MATT: Perfect. All right, so Chain Lightning. MARISHA: Which-- Yeah, and then I'm channeling it. Need more d8. MATT: All right, now this is to all three of them? Because you can chain to the other two. LAURA: Oh shit!
MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: That's dexterity saving throws for them, I believe? MARISHA: It's... yeah. Yes, yes! MATT: All right, let's take all three of these guys here. Ooh, that's not good for two of them. One of them, the one of here, gets a 19. The other two was a natural five and a natural one. So they fail. MARISHA: So two. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay, okay. MATT: They all take damage, but roll damage first. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: Ooh! MARISHA: That's pretty good.
TALIESIN: That's pretty good. LAURA: Do you still get to reroll ones? Wasn't that a thing?
MARISHA: (gasps) I love y-- Wait. Yes, element, yeah, I love you! MARISHA and TALIESIN: (exclaiming) MARISHA: Okay. [cheering] MARISHA: 18. 22. 39! Sorry, sorry, 29 damage. MATT: 29 damage?
MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: How many did you roll?
MARISHA: Wait. No, I do it again, I do it again!
MATT: It's 10d8 damage. MARISHA: Sorry, one more time. MATT: So that was what, 29 plus?
MARISHA: 29. 29 plus-- LIAM: Reroll those ones.
MARISHA: Reroll those ones. MATT: (giggles) Thank you for bearing with us as we get back into the swing of things. LIAM: Also, don't talk to me about rogues being OP, motherfuckers. MARISHA: 29--
MATT: Every class is OP if you look at it. Which is balanced. MARISHA: 29. 31. Fuck. I hate this pressure. 43. 49. 50. Three, 53. [cheering] TALIESIN: That was some clutch shit, right there. MATT: So as you reach out and grab the one in front of you, you see as her hand glows, this vibrant, bluish-green energy, and suddenly (crackles). This burst of electrical power just blasts through its body. Its muscles tense up as it shakes in her grasp, and you watch as two small forking elements of this electricity shoot off, and jam into the sides of the two other howlers. One of them manages to pull behind a rock, but it still catches its side. You hear (shrieks). It takes half the damage; that one only takes 27. The other two take 53. As you pull your hand back, the one in front of you is still standing, but its body is now smoking, and elements of its leathery hide are now suddenly bubbling up from the blistering from below. It's looking really rough. MARISHA: As I'm still clutching it by its throat, I yell to the rest of the group, I say: Get inside! As I transform into an earth elemental, still clutching it. [cheering] LAURA: Whoa! Keyleth's huge! TRAVIS: What the fuck? [laughter] MATT: So Vex, you actually get pushed away. As she transforms into an earth elemental, it ends up shoving you out of the space and away from the creature. It's forced movement, so it does
not get an attack of opportunity. LAURA: Hey. MATT: But yeah. That finishes your turn. MARISHA: Yep. MATT: All right. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: I will look at the two that are around me. They're still alive, right? She didn't kill them? MATT: Correct, there's three of them still standing. The two next to you look damaged, but still doing okay. The one that's in front of Keyleth is looking really bad. SAM: Okay. Whew. Hoo, hoo. Seeing the one next to Keyleth is-- nope. Nope. I'm just going to do Thunderwave at the two in front of me, through my hand cone. And I'll just try to blast them away from me. MATT: Okay. Oh and to the point, I checked my notes again here, technically you can move on your turn at half speed, Percy, if you felt that you wanted to. TALIESIN: Oh. Can I crawl behind towards the cave? MATT: There you go. TALIESIN: Thank you. MATT: You crawled five feet and get to Sir Bertrand, who's also like, (high-pitched whimpering) TRAVIS: It's more like, (deeper whimpering). MATT: All right, so from where you're standing, you're going to be using Thunderwave, you said? SAM: Thunderwave at level three, against the two in front of me. MATT: All right. And that is a constitution saving throw? SAM: It is, against 22. MATT: 22. TRAVIS: Damn! MATT: One of them rolled an eight, so that's a 10. That's a failure. The other one rolled a natural 19, plus two, 21. [cheering] MATT: So they both fail. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Okay, so that's level three Thunderwave. Thunderwave, where is it, where is it? TALIESIN: This is why I'm so glad that I do not a play a magic user right now, this is so nice. MARISHA: What do you mean? [laughter] TALIESIN: I've got everything on one piece of paper. It's really nice. SAM: Okay. 19 points of damage each. MATT: And they're both pushed 15 feet? SAM: And they're-- yeah, I think it's 15 feet. MATT: All right. SAM: 10 feet away from me. MATT: Oh, 10 feet, all right. All right. You watch as Scanlan, through the hand cone, begins to just shout, and the immediate burst of thunderous force, (booming) like a lightning bolt hits the ground, and the force thrusts them both back, their claws stuck in the ground as they skid to a halt 10 feet away. The impact having blasted their faces. The one that's now furthest away from you, on that far side, its face is partially crushed in. You can see where once its nose was is now broken, and shoved into its face. That one's looking pretty hurt. The other one's still doing okay. SAM: Now that they're out of range of me, I'm going to run over behind the big rock creature that is my friend. Yeah. And then I will, bonus action, Healing Word! I can do that, right, in this campaign? MATT: Yes, we're going by the
rules of the first campaign, yeah. SAM: Yeah! MATT: Up to 2nd-level. SAM: I'll heal Bertrand Bell. I'll sing him a song. (to the tune of "Silver Bells")
♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ [laughter] ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ It's silver fox time real soon ♪ ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ Bertrand Bell ♪ ♪ He'll make the ladies swoon ♪ MATT: Aww. [cheering] MATT: (chuckles) And roll your 2d4. SAM: Okay. 1d4, right? MATT: You're casting at 1st-level or second? SAM: 1st-level. MATT: All right, so we got 1d4 plus your charisma modifier. SAM: I don't know him that well, so just 1st-level's fine. That's seven points of restorative healing. MATT: There you go. All right, that finishes Scanlan's turn. We're back to Pike. Pike, you are afraid and incapacitated. So you can move half your movement, and that's as much as it'll let you go. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm so scared! I'm going to clutch my holy symbol of Sarenrae. And I'm going to cast Lesser Restoration on myself. To try to get rid of the fear.
MATT: Okay. Let's see here. No, you do not have an action, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Just half movement, we're-- ASHLEY: We're just nothing. TRAVIS: You can crawl five feet. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to-- I'm going to just try to get a little bit-- I'm going to get behind our rock friend. MATT: All right.
MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: For protection.
MATT: Move away. ASHLEY: Damn it. MATT: All righty. That's your turn? ASHLEY: Well, I guess so. MATT: Okay. The terrible paralyzing essence of this is-- this fear that's holding you is something you haven't encountered before. Brings us to the top of the turn, Bertrand, you're up. TRAVIS: Ah! Do I have my... MATT: And you can move half your movement, if you'd like. TRAVIS: Half my movement?
MATT: Yeah. SAM: There's no save to get out of this frightened--? MATT: It's until the end of their next turn. SAM: Okay. Shit.
TRAVIS: Oh, balls and ass. I'll crawl-- mightily-- 15 feet into the cave. MATT: Into the cave? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay. I'll say you will be going underneath the creature that's filling the entrance. TRAVIS: Nope, nope, nope. MATT: It's still standing in the-- TRAVIS: I'm sorry, nope, I was confused by the giant rock fuck that just grew. I'll crawl towards that thing. MATT: Like, behind it? TRAVIS: Let me protect you! [laughter] MATT: All right. As you crawl away, the howler does get an attack of opportunity against you. TRAVIS: Shit! Fuck! MATT: And because I'm counting this incapacitation for their howl as a pseudo-paralysis, because they're at level 20, I needed to buff these guys a little bit. Oh. That's going to be 22 to hit. TRAVIS: Hits. MATT: All right. LAURA: Oh, wait, remember? He has Beacon of Hope up, so your heal would have been max heal. SAM: Oh, that's right. MARISHA: Eyy! Yes.
ASHLEY: Good job. [cheering] SAM: Take that extra three points. TRAVIS: Thanks, Vex. MATT: Which will then be... 14 points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Uh-huh.
TALIESIN: Oh boy, here it comes. MATT: And 24 points of psychic damage. TALIESIN: Yep. ASHLEY: Yikes. TRAVIS: Cool. 38 points.
MATT: Lieve'tel, you're up. LIAM: So I will-- which of these two dogs is the most fucked up? MATT: Currently, the one right in front of Keyleth is the most fucked up of these two right now. This one is the most hurt. LIAM: Well, the one that is most hurt, I will cast Toll the Dead, and-- [cheering] I don't know if anyone here knows sound therapy, but the sound of a wooden stick rolling around a metal bell like a gong-- (gong) Vibrating the shit out of its inner ear. And that is 4d12 at my level. SAM: 4d12! MATT: What's its save? LIAM: It's 4d8 or 4d12? LAURA: Yeah, 4d12 if it's damaged already.
MATT: If it's already damaged, correct. LIAM: And it has, right? LAURA: Yes, don't roll those.
MATT: No, roll d12s. And what's the saving throw on that? Is it a constitution, or wisdom? LAURA: It's a wisdom.
LIAM: Wisdom. LAURA: (cooing) Wisdom.
MATT: 23. LIAM: Okay. MATT: What's your spell DC? LIAM: Oh, it's not 23. It is 18. MATT: Yeah, I rolled a natural 18 plus five, sorry. LIAM: That's okay, that's okay, that's okay. That's fine, Travis, that's fine. LAURA: So yeah, it doesn't do any damage. LIAM: It does no damage?
LAURA: Nope. LIAM: Then I cast Healing Word on Master Bell, which is a total of eight hit points of healing. TRAVIS: God, they love me. SAM: It's that Reed Richards thing you got going on. MATT: (laughs) That makes up for it. All right, that finishes your turn.
It's now the howler's turn. SAM: They're dogs, Matt! LAURA: Doggy!
LIAM: Doges. SAM: Ooh, doggo. MATT: This one's going to move up towards Percival. TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: Going after the weakest links in this element here. [groaning] LIAM: Oh, shit.
LAURA: Weak! SAM: Don't insult him, dude!
MATT: Double fucking threes. All right. [cheering] Advantage is helpful sometimes. Yeah, that misses. You duck out of the way, it gets like a mouthful of dirt and sand. (growls) Pulls back. These ones here, are going to both come in against you, since you are the closest one to it. They both rush in, and because they have pack tactics, they both get advantage on attack rolls against you. LIAM: All right. MATT: So the first rending bite towards you. Ooh, natural 19 and 18. Where were you last attack? So that's going to bring it to a 25 to hit. LIAM: That hits. MATT: That hits. You take... Ooh, not too bad. 15 points of piercing damage, as the teeth sink into you, and as the psychic power of its essence just riddles the interior of your mind and body, you take another 22 points of psychic damage. LIAM: 22.
TRAVIS: Damn! MATT: The second strike is going to be 20 to hit. LIAM: I'm pretty sure that that hits. Yes.
MATT: All right. SAM: Why don't I Cutting Words that one? Can I do that? Is that a thing I can do? MATT: Yeah, you got your reaction since last turn. SAM: Yeah, I'll Cutting Words. I'll just yell at the thing. Ah! [incoherent yelling] Hey, your mama's so old, Ioun signed her yearbook! [laughter] MATT: Roll your d12.
SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Wow. SAM: Eight. MATT: What's your armor class? LIAM: 16. That does it.
MATT: That'll miss. TALIESIN: Yeah! MATT: It goes to bite down onto you as the other one sunk its teeth, and as you're reacting to the pain, as it opens its jaws, it hears that and goes-- (snarls inquisitively) SAM: Yeah. Yeah. Your mama. MATT: (snarls angrily) (laughter) MATT: And then goes to bite you, but you're just moved and stepped away, and it's like-- (snarls sadly) LIAM: Lieve'tel smiles and shakes her head at the small, purple-clad man. SAM: Wink. [laughter] MATT: That ends their turn. Vex, you're up. LAURA: I'm going to shoot 'em with arrows! MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Go for it. LAURA: But first I'm going to move my Hunter's Mark to... TRAVIS: Yay! LAURA: Which ones are engaged right now? All of them?
MATT: All of them. LAURA: Great. MATT: And they're all pretty hurt, so...
LAURA: Great. MARISHA: Congratulations, Ashley and Brian, by the way. [cheering] MATT: The one that's least hurt is that one, but they're all looking-- LAURA: I'll go to the least hurt one. LIAM: Does that mean Ashley and Brian are both vulnerable to sneak attack damage right now? [laughter] TALIESIN: Always. LAURA: (humming) Okay, so 14 plus 16. Oh, I'm taking the-- I didn't say it fast enough. My sharpshooter thingy.
MATT: No. LAURA: Fuck.
MATT: But you can for the next attack, so first attack still hits, go ahead and roll damage for that.
LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay. MATT: Dice! LAURA: That's 12 plus four is 16, 18, shit balls, 21, 23, 27, and 33 for the first arrow. [cheering] MATT: (whooshes) The arrow sinks below where its neck and the top of the collarbone would meet. And as the arrow goes inside, you hear its voice go-- (wet snarling) and a bit of its black blood spills out of its lower jaw. You hit a vital place. It's looking pretty hurt. LAURA: Oh. Okay, I'm going to shoot it again. Wait, wait, I didn't say it. SAM: You said it last time.
LAURA: So it counts? MATT: Sure, I'll allow it. LAURA: Six-- well this might have fucked me, because 16 plus eight is 24. MATT: Minus five is 19? LAURA: So it hits?
MATT: Still hits. LAURA: Fuck yeah. MATT: These things don't have a huge armor class. LAURA: (humming) TRAVIS: Yeah, "not a huge armor class," just hurts a whole bunch. MATT: When they hit you, yeah. LAURA: Plus five is-- fuck me. 13? 13, plus three, 16, plus five, is 21 points of damage. MATT: How do you want to do this?
(cheering) TRAVIS: That's two! That's two, baby! ASHLEY: Rangers!
SAM: Rangers. LAURA: Ayy! I want to go straight through the eyeball this time, and out the back of the neck. Because that's how, you know, bodies work. MATT: Yeah. Well, as you release that secondary arrow, as it's backing up from the pain
and the weird spatter of blood that's curling out the bottom of his lower jaw, it pulls back, and-- (snarls) gets ready to lunge towards you. You release the arrow, and as it lunges, the strength of its jump just falls out from under it, and it ends up just (whooshes) falling into the ground, rolling to a stop in front of you. You have to put up your boot to stop its momentum. It actually pushes you back a few feet, but then as you balance yourself, it's no longer moving as it lays limp and dead on its side. TRAVIS: Yes!
[cheering] [cheering] LAURA: (giggling) MATT: That ends your turn.
LAURA: Okay. MATT: All righty. Percy, you can take an action now. [cheering] TALIESIN: So am I actually engaged with one right now? MATT: Yep.
TALIESIN: All right. So... MATT: It's very hurt, though. TALIESIN: It is very hurt.
MATT: Like, very hurt. You feel kind of bad for it,
even though it's trying to kill you. TALIESIN: Do I? Do I? I don't think I do.
MATT: Nah, not really. TALIESIN: I'm going to pull out my sword, and before anything, I'm going to pull out my sword and take care of this problem. MATT: All right. Pull the blade out. TALIESIN: That's a... oh, that's nice. That's 25 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That's five points of damage. MATT: Five points of damage to that one. All righty. Yeah, how do you want to do this? [cheering] It had four hit points left. TALIESIN: I actually just want to use the sword to stand up. I want to get it into it and use it as like a post to pick myself up. MATT: Just jam into its side, bring yourself to your feet, and as you put the blade in you hear (guttural squealing). It falls to the ground, no longer moving. [cheering] TALIESIN: As I'm also standing up, I'm going to leave my sword in there, pull out Retort from my ankle holster, and I'm going to use a point of grit for Deadeye. Straight shot, with Retort. TALIESIN: Thank god, that would've been terrible. 13, 24 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That's 1d10. Thank you, Gil. We never say "Thank you, Gil," do we? SAM: No, we don't, we just fuck Gil.
TALIESIN: Yep. [laughter] TALIESIN: 10 plus six. That's 16 points of damage. MATT: 16 points of damage. As the blast sound of all the wind that's still blowing through here, the sound of the gun (gunfire) going off, still echoes through the vicinity. It glances off the rock, the audio, and it echoes for a short bit, as you watch the creature retreat for a moment from the pain of the impact of the blast. (snarls) You see where the wound hits, the blood is pouring out quite heavily, it's looking very hurt. TALIESIN: Hitting it again. [cheering] I pull another grit for that for Deadeye. Just because I don't want to go down right now. And that's... 20. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: Pachew! TALIESIN: That's 12 points. MATT: How do you want to do this?
SAM: Yeah! [cheering] TALIESIN: I would like it to choke on a ball. MATT: As it backs up, you see its like throat sack opens up once more, inhales deeply, and this expands to a huge point on its body. It's preparing for another heavy scream. (snarls) In the moment it goes to release it, you fire just at the moment its mouth opens, and you hear but a split second of the scream. (short screaming) That's as much as it gets out, before its jaw goes limp. Its eyes slowly close, and it takes a step, collapses onto one shoulder, and then falls, no longer moving, onto the ground. TALIESIN: I'm going to take a shot at the last one. LAURA: There's no more. MATT: You turn around to take the last shot and they're all dead. MARISHA: Throw it to me! ASHLEY: Yes! TALIESIN: Oh, he's no fun, he fell right over! Go on. SAM: The de Rolos be murderers, man. LAURA: Trinket, thank your daddy. He saved your life. MATT: (growling) Trinket walks over and goes up and gives you a big slurpy tongue, which just fills Trinket's tongue with dirt and sand, and he goes (spitting). TALIESIN: I'm going to be removing
my sword from the one creature. MATT: All right. If I could have
somebody remove this mat for me, while we continue this scene, that'd be awesome. So now looking at the base of this mountain before you, and getting an essence of what kind of things may or may not exist in and around the caverns, what would you like to do? LIAM: Do we need to rest before moving on? TALIESIN: Let's maybe go inside and rest. LAURA: We could take an hour and have some food. ASHLEY: Yeah, I think we should... [cheering]
After that. MARISHA: Max, everybody! Yeah! SAM: Max's rear end, everybody.
MARISHA: Producer Max! AUDIENCE: (chanting) Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max! MARISHA and ASHLEY: Max, Max, Max, Max. AUDIENCE: Max, Max, Max, Max. SAM: Unnecessary chant.
TALIESIN: Yes! MATT: Don't make his head any bigger than it already is. ASHLEY: When I get so scared, I also just get so hungry. I think we should eat. [cheering] MARISHA: And I'm still an earth elemental, and I turn to Percy, and I'm like: Sure. I. Block. Door. (growling incoherently) Thank you.
TALIESIN: Oh, that's a very good idea. So you're saying that maybe we should get inside and then you can create some sort of barrier for us, so nothing else can follow us on the other side. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Obviously. MARISHA: (grunts)
LIAM: (grunts) TALIESIN: Well, let's all get inside and let's get to it then, shall we? MARISHA: And I earth glide under the rock, come through on the other side. Wait for them all to pass. I'm a doorman. Let them in. Check IDs. Check wristbands. And then (growls). MATT: The edges of it seem to collapse around you, closing off the exit, and that cavern entrance is no longer usable. SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: (grunts) TRAVIS: Is there any wind in here now? MATT: You can hear what sounds like this low series of whistling sounds, as the wind carves through the various much smaller tunnels in here, and they are all blending in this very discordant cacophony of notes. So the wind is coming through, but it's not blasting you in the face. This is a bit of respite. But it does create a different, if equally strange and haunting sound. TRAVIS: Hmm, the Pandemonium harmony. Yes, I remember this well. ASHLEY: I better get to work. And I'm going to cast Heroes' Feast. MATT: All righty. [cheering] MARISHA: I drop my form. MATT: Okay. So as you guys all take in of the Heroes' Feast, all of you, you are immune to poison, and being frightened. ASHLEY: Could've helped just a little bit ago.
LIAM: Pike, what's the main course? ASHLEY: Main course is... AUDIENCE MEMBER: Chicken. ASHLEY: No, that's too boring. LAURA: Oh, we should do this for Grog. ASHLEY: Oh yeah, what's his favorite foods? LAURA: Gofibepo. [laughter]
ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: Gofibepo. ASHLEY: Gofibepo. Just, that's it. SAM: Three meats stuffed inside of each other? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: What were the meats? LAURA: I can't remember, how did they have-- TRAVIS: Goat, fish, beef, and pork. LIAM: That's all the meats.
SAM: That's four. LIAM: All the meats. TRAVIS: It's all you need. [laughter] MATT: Perfect. So as you dive into this Grogtastic feast.
ASHLEY: I just got why you guys made the chicken joke. Sorry, it's been a long time. (laughter) You guys know what's going on. MATT: As a departure of many of the meals you've had at the essence of your friend, you instead have another meat experience, just meat. And now for the next 24 hours, you have advantage on wisdom saving throws. You are immune to being frightened, immune to poison, and Pike, if you could roll 2d10 for me, please. MARISHA: Yes. Gimme them hit points! ASHLEY: 2d10. Where did I put 'em? LAURA: Would the Beacon of Hope make these maxed out? MATT: No, Beacon of Hope is faded by now. LAURA: Balls. ASHLEY: 10 total. MATT: All right, so everyone's max hit points go up by 10, and you heal that 10 that you gained. So keep tabs on that, because it ain't my responsibility. TALIESIN: When we roll hit dice, I'm 212. MATT: Are you guys also spending an hour to take a short rest, or are you continuing on? LAURA: I mean. SAM: Do we need to? We're healed, yeah?
LAURA: I don't think we need to, right? SAM: Well, how are you doing, Bell and Tel? MARISHA: Yeah, Bell and Tel, how are you? TRAVIS: I am ready to persevere! TALIESIN: Ehh. TRAVIS: Our destiny awaits! MARISHA: Is that vomit on your sweater? TRAVIS: I had peas for lunch. It's--
MARISHA: Oh! TALIESIN: I think you're bleeding on the side salad. TRAVIS: I'm fine. ASHLEY: Didn't you say that you killed the werewolf of-- SAM: The North?
ASHLEY: The North? TRAVIS: Yes, mm-hmm. ASHLEY: You seemed so scared of these... Howl-- TRAVIS: No, it's not fear. It's the sand that's been in my throat. I am ready to go with all of you. By the way, can I get a temporary Vox Machina credit when this is all over and, you know, people are like, "Oh, Vox Machina's so brave! "Also, Bertrand Bell!" It would do a lot for my... SAM: We don't really give those out too much. I mean, it's not like an associate producer credit. Like, we don't just...
[laughter] We don't just hand them out. TALIESIN: Too real. LAURA: But I can give you a very sizeable gift card to The Slayer's Cake. SAM: Oh yeah. TRAVIS: That's nice, yes. That'll do.
MARISHA: You did volunteer. TRAVIS: Again, that word. MARISHA: Yes. TRAVIS: Yeah.
MARISHA: So let's, you know, just see how we do at the end of this, and then maybe we'll, you know, consider it. LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: I think that's fair. Let's see how things go. LAURA: You're doing great, Bell. TRAVIS: I know. SAM: I mean... Not "save the world" great, yet, but pretty good. Pretty good.
TRAVIS: Well, I want you shine as well, I'm a team player. ASHLEY: You just have to show us how big your brave is. LAURA: Aww. (chuckles) TRAVIS: I don't know how to do that. ASHLEY: You'll maybe find that out soon. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: Even though we are in a cavern, in a very hellish landscape, and we might all die, or worse, because that's a thing. I just wanted to propose a toast. LAURA: Oh.
TALIESIN: Oh, yes. MARISHA: To Vox Machina. [cheering] Continuing on. In spite of... lacking the entire Vox Machina team. I'm glad that we're not stopping. I love you all. LIAM: To the saviors of Vasselheim. LAURA: To wonderful distractions. MARISHA: To compartmentalization. [laughter]
Yeah. [cheering] And I cast time of-- fearless-- the leader thing! Inspiring Leader! SAM: Inspiring thing! MARISHA: I'm a leader! MATT: (chuckles) MARISHA: I do that.
LIAM: Follow the leader. MATT: All righty. Inspiring Leader.
MARISHA: What do I do? You also get-- MATT: Everyone gains temporary hit points equal to your level, plus your constitution modifier, so 20 plus... MARISHA: My level plus my constitution mod is plus 22. MATT: Everyone has 22 temporary hit points. TRAVIS: We don't heal that, but temporary. Oh, I got it.
LAURA: Do you get that, too? LIAM: Damn you, D&D Beyond, take the extra 22. MATT: It's basically a shield on top of your hit points, that once it goes away, it's gone. It's "temporary."
LAURA: Oh, okay, okay, okay. SAM: But are we at that? Do we also gain those hit points? MATT: You have 22 temporary hit points. The next 22 damage you take comes off that first. But it doesn't heal you, technically. LIAM: You can push yourself up past your normal limit. LAURA: Okay, so. The feast didn't heal us, but it gave us 10. TALIESIN: Right. LAURA: Awesome. MATT: Welcome to level 20.
TRAVIS: We've been doing this for years. SAM: I'm so confused right now. LIAM: We're basically gods? TALIESIN: And then we got those down. LIAM: You guys are. Bertrand and I are something else. MATT: So. Having prepared yourselves, had your drink, had your feast, had your inspiring speech, do you press on? LAURA: (nervously) Yeah. MATT: Deeper into the cavern? SAM: Does it just go one way, or are there forks or anything? MATT: Oh, there are many forks here. SAM: Oh, great. MATT: Who's leading the charge? LIAM: I will cast, at 6th-level, Find The Path, which will lead us straight to the red gem.
SAM: Abso-fucking-lutely. [cheering] LIAM: We only have a limited amount of time here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. SAM: There's a GWAR show at 12:30. MATT: Don't toy with my emotions, Sam! LIAM: This will give us the most direct physical route to a specific fixed location that you are familiar with, which I have seen already. MATT: Yes, you have. LIAM: Yes. MATT: All right, with that, you giving yourself the vision of that, you're now leading the charge. What is the marching order, please? LAURA: Oh god. MARISHA: Do you still know how to
make us sneaky and stealthy? LAURA: Yeah, I Pass Without Trace, bitch. MARISHA: Oh, dope. [cheering] She's the coolest. LAURA: Sure, I cast that, why not. MATT: All right. So you cast Pass Without Trace. LIAM: Damn, Keyleth! TRAVIS: I'll join Lieve'tel at the front. I'm not afraid. MATT: All right. So the two of you are at the front,
SAM: Death wish. MATT: Who else is joining them at the front? Or who's going to be next in line? The caverns here range from between 20 to sometimes 10 feet in width. So at most, the hardest
it's going to be shoulder to shoulder, two in a row. ASHLEY: I will go after Bertrand. MATT: All righty. SAM: I'll be next to Pickle.
ASHLEY: Yep. MATT: All righty.
LIAM: (tongue click) ASHLEY: Baww! LAURA: I'll follow behind them. TALIESIN: Me as well. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: Be with Vex. MARISHA: I'll be behind the de Rolos. LAURA: With Trinket.
MARISHA and MATT: With Trinket. LIAM: This can only end in romance, Bertrand. [cheering] I'm 350 years old, I need entertainment. [cheering] MATT: Are you getting your
Caleb/Fjord AU fanfic into this one-shot? Is that what's happening? LIAM: I'll leave it up to audience participation. MATT: All right. Well, because you know the right path, you avoid a lot of pitfalls along the way, and don't have to make any survival checks to try and ascertain the best route. LIAM: Yes, don't step there, that is painful, that's full of spikes, ooh, that's fun, but probably not worth our time. That way. MATT: Every now and then you pass by one tunnel where the wind is stronger and it blows past like an open fan that's just blasting through, and you rush to the next direction. And moving forward. Out of nowhere, five bugbears come charging out of a hallway, grab and tear off Percy's arm. SAM: Ah! LIAM: Yeah! [cheering]
Yeah! SAM: Oh no! Oh no! TALIESIN: Oh, oh, oh, where did that. I'll put these back.
SAM: Oh no! TALIESIN: Oh, wait, wait, wait. SAM: He's bleeding, he's bleeding! Keyleth, do something! MATT: The sound of the wind didn't clue you into it. These bugbears just come out snarling, and they grab and pull his right arm off, he's bleeding out of the side of him. SAM: Keyleth, do something, do something! Do something! Oh my god, who could have foreseen this? MATT: They're running off with Percy's arm, what do you do? TRAVIS: Are you serious? MATT: Yes! [cheering] TRAVIS: Ah! MATT: Anyone joining Bertrand to chase down the bugbears? TRAVIS: I'm going! LIAM: Sam Riegel rolled such a high persuasion check in the green room before this show about-- (laughs). LAURA: What? LIAM: This is from the description in the final episode. TALIESIN: He spent hours convincing Matt that I should lose an arm.
MATT: When we were skimming over this adventure in the final episode, Sam Riegel said, "It was so crazy, and Percy lost an arm. "Those bugbears came out of nowhere." So... SAM: It happened, it's canon. MATT: Who is joining Sir Bertrand to attempt to slay the bugbears that stole Percy's arm? SAM: I will join you.
MARISHA: We don't, hang on. You know, we don't need to chase the bugbears. Man, this feels so random. Feels like a... SAM: It seems like a joke. MARISHA: Like a throwaway joke that Scanlan would make. TALIESIN: It doesn't feel like a throwaway joke right-- Oh god, there's nothing there! MARISHA: Sorry!
TALIESIN: Oh! SAM: There's blood everywhere! MARISHA: I could just, how about we let the bugbears go? LAURA: But his arm. ASHLEY: We can grow you another one.
MARISHA: I'll grow it back. I have this, it's like this crazy feeling, like it's just someone wants me to burn a 7th-level spell for, like, a throwaway joke. So it's just this, like, creeping sensation in the back of my skull, so I'll cast Regenerate on fucking Percy. LIAM: You all seem so zen about this moment, it's terrible. TALIESIN: No, it'll be fine, I can just sit here and do 1d8 damage for the rest of the bloody game. That'll be fine. MATT: The perpetual--
MARISHA: You've got a gun! Isn't that like... Like fine? TALIESIN: For four times, and then I have to reload it with something! [laughter] And that can get complicated! Which is why the joke isn't funny, I've explained this! SAM: Wait, I immediately pictured you reloading it with your feet, but I think the audience pictured you reloading it with your dick. [cheering] MATT: Percy. You haven't cast the spell yet, right? MARISHA: Have I? MATT: Have you? I'm asking you. MARISHA: No, I'm just-- should I? SAM: Yes, of course you should.
MATT: You don't have to, but I'm letting you know, you've taken 23 points of damage-- SAM: Cast the spell! MATT: And are continuing to bleed out, because you're missing an arm.
LAURA: Keyleth! SAM: Keyleth, do something! MARISHA: (exasperatedly) Okay! LIAM: Grief takes many forms. MARISHA: It does. I'll regenerate your arm. I'll bring that back, I guess. SAM: Oh!
[groaning] ASHLEY: Oh! TRAVIS: Wow! Whew! [laughter] MATT: So. TALIESIN: I don't like it here. LIAM: (laughs) SAM: Pandemonium. MATT: Through the twisting, high-pitched whines and moans of the winds that are pushing through the tangled mass of caverns that suffuse the interior of this climbing pebblestone tower, you watch as Percival's coat, which is now missing the sleeve, slowly this tiny baby hand pushes out. [cheering] And begins to form, slowly, creepily, into a full Percival arm. MARISHA: It takes two minutes.
MATT: Naked as the day is long. TALIESIN: You could've just gotten
me a cake or something, man, this is really fucked up.
MATT: Happy birthday. TALIESIN: Jesus. MATT: At which point, Sir Bertrand Bell comes back, covered in bugbear blood, holding an arm. TRAVIS: I got it! [cheering] LIAM: (laughs) TRAVIS: What is that? Aah! LIAM: (continues laughing) TRAVIS: Ow! LAURA: Which one-- wait, was it his left arm or his right arm? Do I need to get the wedding ring off of the other arm that just dropped? MARISHA: You do, it's his left arm.
TALIESIN: Actually, yes. MATT: I'll allow it.
LAURA: I'll go fetch it. TALIESIN: Thank you, dear.
ASHLEY: Percy, can you please hold your arm with your little arm? [laughter] LIAM: Come on, Kuato. TALIESIN: I'm going to take my arm and I'm going to pat Pike on the head with the-- There, there. ASHLEY: I'm very pleased. TRAVIS: Did I manage to slay the bugbears? MATT: Yeah, they're not very powerful bugbears.
TALIESIN: This is a lot today. This feels like a lot. MATT: You do come back with 22 points of slashing damage from the encounter. But you managed to kill them by yourself. Sir Bertrand Bell, the legend. [cheering] SAM: You know what, just take the arm, and just like, shove it into the Grog backpack, so we'll just keep it for later. MATT: All right, so one of you
guys write down in your inventory-- LAURA: I'm going to put bag of colding.
MATT: Percy's arm. TRAVIS: Percy's arm. LIAM: We'll grow another Percy. MARISHA: Wait, what? TALIESIN: Oh, let's not. LAURA: No, I like this idea. LIAM: That's the next one shot! [cheering] LIAM: We'll see you guys in a year for the next one. [cheering] LIAM: (laughs)
MATT: Oh my god. Okay. LIAM: (continues laughing) TRAVIS: Holy shit. Holy shit. Wow. TALIESIN: Well, those were some fun temporary hit points.
TRAVIS: That blew my mind. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Thank you, Sam! [cheering] SAM: Oh. It's canon. LIAM: (laughs) MATT: It is now. TALIESIN: [Inaudible] Fire. ASHLEY: Oh my god. LIAM: (laughing)
TALIESIN: Jesus. MATT: Continuing on, following the path. LIAM: (continues laughing) MATT: Through the interior that the tower, you get the sense of the wind, higher up the tower, is stronger, and it's pushing through these caverns harder. The path you're taking does get louder and louder the further you travel. And at this point, I need you all to make another wisdom saving throw, please. TALIESIN: Oh god.
MARISHA: Advantage! LAURA: With advantage!
MATT: With advantage. TRAVIS: Fuck you. [laughter] TRAVIS: All sevens, it's an eight. MATT: Take another point of exhaustion. SAM: Oh, that's two?
LIAM: Oh shit. That's bad. TRAVIS: I mean, yeah. LIAM: Pickle? ASHLEY: 18. MATT: All righty, Vex? LAURA: 19 for Vex, 20 for Trinket. [cheering] LIAM: 29 for Lieve'tel.
SAM: Oh! MATT: Great.
SAM: Sexy. MARISHA: 33. SAM: Oh! [cheering] MARISHA: Wise as fu-u-uck. TALIESIN: 13, my god, people. SAM: 13, and 13 for me as well. MATT: All right, so, Sir Bertrand Bell. TRAVIS: Uh-huh? MATT: Your speed is how halved, as you have two points. And your hearing seems to be getting a little harder. TRAVIS: (shouts) What? [laughter] LIAM: Is he deaf? MATT: Hm? No. LIAM: No?
MATT: No. Just the beginning stages.
LIAM: All right. MATT: You're beginning to see quickly the dangers of extended... existence here. TRAVIS: (shouting) Not a problem. This was similar to my last... trip here. Ma-- ma-- LIAM: (laughs) TRAVIS: Ma-a-a-- (clears throat) Let's go. MATT: There you go. So continuing up the tower, I would like you all to make a stealth check, as you continue, with-- LAURA: Oh, yes, yes, yes. LAURA: Pass Without a Trace.
MATT: Pass Without a Trace. SAM: Advantage? No.
MATT: No, plus 10 to your roll. SAM: 31. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: Cocked. TALIESIN: 21.
MATT: All right. MARISHA: Plus 10? MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: 24. MATT: All righty. LIAM: It's not very high, it's 20. MATT: Aw, buddy. LAURA: Not like my 38, then. [laughter] SAM: 38! ASHLEY: 12. MATT: With a plus 10? ASHLEY: It was a two. [laughter] MATT: I missed you, Pike. TRAVIS: 27. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: It's been a while. MATT: But overall pretty good. So that gives you a decent average. LIAM: (laughs) MATT: Continuing up this tower
for a protracted period of time, hearing this howling, you hear these similar howls to the creatures that stalked you on the entrance, but they don't notice your presence, and you manage to sneak by one of the dens on the inside of the mountain. You walk by and watch as one begins to step through the large tunnel and you all back off, and it stalks past, and you hear it inflating and deflating its scream sack, if you will. You can take that with you, guys. "Scream sack." LIAM: Ha! Ha! Ha! (chuckling) MATT: Sure, sounds like that. However, you manage to make your way past. Feeling you've ascended quite a bit of the mountain, you come around the corner, and come to a larger chamber that's in the heart of this upper portion of the mountain. First thing that catches your eyes, this faint red glow around the corner. So who wants to go forward? TRAVIS: I've got this, no problem! SAM: Oh Jesus. ASHLEY: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. MATT: All right. So Bertrand Bell marches forward, you guys follow suit? MARISHA: That's the last anyone saw of Mr. Bell. TRAVIS: We're so close fellows, follow me! MATT: Anybody following Bertrand? SAM: I guess?
MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: I'm going to... MATT: I mean, you're still stealthing, so-- LAURA: Oh, shit. We're stealthing. I'm going to ready-- can I ready an action? MATT: Sure. LAURA: I want to ready the Blessing of the Dawn Father. MATT: Okay. LAURA: But I want to wait until we've been noticed, if anything triggers. MATT: Okay. LAURA: All right.
MATT: Good to know. So. LIAM: Right before we go round that corner to see that red light--
MATT: Yes? LIAM: I'm going to pull a finger bone of Purvan-- [laughter] from a pouch at my side. SAM: How do you have that? LIAM: I'm very high up the chain, love. And cast Holy Aura, at 8th-level. I will wait 'til we turn the corner and then do it. And then all of us will have advantage on all saving throws, and all other creatures have disadvantage on attack rolls against us until the spell ends. SAM: Ooh! For how long? [cheering] LIAM: One minute. Right before we turn the corner. MATT: Interesting point of order. As you reach towards your component pouch. LIAM: Yes. MATT: The one where you keep all your expensive stuff. LIAM: Right. MATT: That pouch is missing.
LAURA: (gasps) SAM: That fucker! That fucker, Bob! LAURA: Fucking Bob! SAM: Fucking Bob! [laughter] LAURA: Ugh. SAM: Bob.
LAURA: He wanted presents. LIAM: Was it Bob? LAURA: It was fucking Bob. SAM: Who else would it be? LIAM: So Purvan's finger bone has been stolen for the ages? MATT: Right now, yeah.
LIAM: All right. Got it. Got it, sorry, guys. TALIESIN: Wow. SAM: Bob. ASHLEY: Well-- SAM: I will invoke the Blessing of Ioun. [cheering] MATT: All right. SAM: Before we go in? MATT: Sure. LIAM: Well, shit, if I don't have Purvan's bone, I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope again. MATT: All righty. Beacon of Hope is cast. LIAM: Dag, yo. LIAM: We did put a finger bone in the bag of colding like five minutes ago. [laughter] TALIESIN: That is fair. LAURA: Do you need a finger bone? MARISHA: Is it any old finger bone?
MATT: Unfortunately-- LIAM: It's Perv's bone.
MATT: Yeah. [laughter] MATT: A little more time has to
pass before Percy's finger bone becomes a tiny reliquary worth at least 1000 gold, of a sacred relic. LIAM: Yes, you need the pinky bone
of a champion of the Raven Queen. So unless you have your beloved's digit-- [incredulous yelling] We're shit out of luck. MATT: We're going to continue. Uh-- So. With that spell prepared, you turn the corner to face this red glow in this interior chamber in the mountain. As you turn the corner, you can see the walls here have, and every now and then you've caught shapes carved into the stone. In here, it's runes, it's language. There are just different letters, it seems. But none of the languages are recognizable. Make an ar-- actually make a history check, Scanlan. And anybody else who's proficient in history. TALIESIN: All right. 21. LIAM: 21. MATT: 21. SAM: Eight. [laughter] MATT: Bard doesn't always strike it up. The two of you look at the writing here, and you know a fair amount of language, at least to the point where your studies, you'd be able to recognize the script. You'd be able to recognize the letters. You'd be able to recognize the shapes. You don't recognize any of these. These are either forgotten languages, or gibberish. You have no idea. But what catches your attention is the source of that glow, for in the center of this chamber, surrounded by drawings, like chalk drawings, but red, and black. All over the walls, with pictures that you haven't focused yet, because your attention is more drawn towards what looks to be the huge, fiendish creature that sits in the center of the chamber. You see two large, red, leathery wings that are folded inward towards its back. You see two black horns that curl from the sides of its head. You see glowing, burning eyes of heat, and a jaw that hangs open, exuding a bright beacon of burning torchlight towards whatever's in front of it. You see as it sits there, its ripping, muscular demonic form clutching a burning whip that is curled up on the ground on one side, and looks to be an electrified sword that rests to its left. This is a balor of the Abyss. [exclaiming] And it sits in the chamber, drawing pictures on the wall. SAM: Oh man. MARISHA: Wait, has it noticed us? MATT: Nope. MARISHA: And we're not-- (grunts) MATT: You look next to it, and you can see the corpse of one of the howlers earlier. And it digs its finger into the base of where its head was, and then draws a smiley face. TRAVIS: We have the advantage. Strike now, strike quick! MARISHA: Or we could just--
SAM: Shut up! LAURA: Do we see the red gem? Do we see the ruby?
MATT: No. And you know, from your essence, that there's still more to go. LAURA: Oh, fuck. MARISHA: Just sneak by. TALIESIN: Do we see an exit from this? Is there a way out? MATT: If you were to go around it, there the tunnel continues and curves at a steep incline past the balor. LIAM: How does everyone feel about turning into clouds? LIAM: How does everyone feel about turning into clouds? [scattered laughter] SAM: We've done that before. LIAM: Have you? SAM: It's weird. [laughter] ASHLEY: I really like it. SAM: I could make us look like cows. [laughter, cheering] Would that help somehow? I don't know. ASHLEY: I feel like we'd just look like a snack. LIAM: When choosing between cows and clouds, clouds might be preferable here. MATT: You hear--
MARISHA: It takes one minute to cast. MATT: You hear a very, very faint noise coming from the balor. LIAM: (fart noise) MATT: But it's not-- [laughter] It's interesting. It's this low, guttural vibration. LIAM: (lower fart noise)
LAURA: Stop. [laughter] MATT: I know you don't care
what happens to your character. LIAM: No, no, I put Death Ward on her! I'm sorry! MATT: It sounds like a hum. (low melodic humming) (low melodic humming) (squishing) And looking around the chamber, you can see this whole room is just filled with little scrawlings. Childike, almost. All across the walls and ceiling and the floor around it. SAM: Holy shit. MATT: It's covering a lot of the writing and the runes that have been here probably long before it came. But this is just an odd sight to see. SAM: It's singing? MATT: To itself, quietly. LIAM: Humming to itself? MATT: Yep. ASHLEY: I think it's like a little kid. LAURA: It's a little sweetie balor. MATT: So what are you doing, guys? LAURA: We're just walking. We should move on. We should still move on. (pigeon coo) [laughter] LAURA: Get out. We need to get out.
ASHLEY: What? MARISHA: Go, go go go. LAURA: Go, go, go. We just go. TRAVIS: Yes, we sneak by. MATT: You sneak behind it. Okay. So what moment do you wait for? LIAM: Perhaps right after it dips
its finger into the paint pot, and starts a new picture. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We walk-- we take steps when it's painting. MATT: All righty. LAURA: That's stupid. This is so stupid. SAM: We could create a diversion. MATT: As you slowly move past it, just a thin sliver of space to move. You're having to move at half speed, which is quarter speed for you, mister. TRAVIS: (cries) MATT: Past it, and he holds it up a little bit, since he's towards the front. So all of you are moving at a quarter speed behind Sir Bertrand.
TRAVIS: Seven feet, you guys. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: No speed. MATT: In passing by it, you quietly feel the air get hotter, and hotter in the vicinity. And when you start moving behind its large, folded wings, the heat is scalding, burning your skin, as you move along the wall behind it as quiet as you can. Each of you, in the process it takes to move behind it, for the first half. We'll see if it hasn't noticed you yet. But it is 3d6 per round of being within five feet of it. So for the... We'll say, six rounds to get completely around it. TALIESIN: Oh.
[groaning] ASHLEY: This is not good. SAM: Level 20 shit. LAURA: Could we have been healing
ourselves as we go, though? SAM: No, that makes noise.
MATT: Casting a spell might give it off to your position. So, that is altogether, all of you, as you pass by quietly behind Sir Bertrand-- (counting quietly) TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: 49 points of fire damage. As you all go now. Just skin burning and boiling at your face, and exposed, but you feel your hair curl back, and you get the smell of burnt hair begins to fill the space around your head, but you manage to all very carefully move around it, and get into the next chamber as it curves up, and you just hear its voice. (low humming) (squishes) As it begins to draw a little funny demon face, taking a poop. [laughter]
LAURA: (cackles) I like that guy.
MATT: But you move past. So, continuing upward, following the tunnel. I need you all to make another wisdom saving throw. SAM: Oh, man.
MARISHA: Still with advantage. SAM: This is rough.
MATT: Still with advantage. Welcome to Pandemonium, all right? LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: Deal. LIAM: Beacon of Hope is only one minute, so no, not at advantage. MATT: No, it's advantage because of the Heroes' Feast. LAURA: Yeah, Heroes' Feast.
LIAM: Oh, Heroes' Feast. MATT: That's right. SAM: 13. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: 15. MARISHA: 29. LIAM: 28. MATT: Vex?
LAURA: Uh. SAM: I forgot what numbers are! LAURA: No, I forgot my first number-- oh, it was 18 for me. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: It was 18 for me, and then that's not-- it was a
nine-- it was a 10 for Trinket. MATT: As a note, that additional damage also was on Grog, because Grog's being carried on Trinket's back quietly through the chamber. Just envision Trinket quietly making his way around the balor, as both him and Grog get singed. LAURA: Oh my god, thank god we
got those temporary hit points. MATT: So 59 points to Grog. Just mark it down somewhere just in case he becomes--
LAURA: It was 59 or 49? TALIESIN: 49.
MATT: Sorry, it was 49. TALIESIN: Did it singe Grog's hair off? TRAVIS: You shut your damn mouth, Percy! [Laughter]
TALIESIN: (evil laughter) MATT: I'll say elements of it curled, but a dwarven beard is a hardy thing. [scattered cheering, laughter] TALIESIN: The night's young. MATT: The wind gets stronger and stronger the further you climb. The sound, the intensity of the wailing of thousands of voices all twisting and binding together to create this terrible, terrible din that fills the plane, greets you as you step to the edge of the chamber, to the precipice of this cliff, the cliff as you step out. You guiding the path there, Lieve'tel. You can look up and see, and follow the direction that you've been planning to go that the spire is maybe 25 feet above you. You can see the outside of the wall. LIAM: Seeing it, I whisper my matron's name, and bend the threads of fate around us, and cast Mass Heal at 9th-level. And everyone is at full plus their extra hit points, because that's 100 hit points per person. TALIESIN: I also still have Regenerate, which means, for an hour since I've lost my arm, I'm getting a hit point a minute. MATT: Yeah, so you're at full hit points.
MARISHA: No, 10 hit points a minute. TALIESIN: 10 hit points. MATT: Regenerate has worn off though, at this point, from your travel, but you are full.
MARISHA: It lasts an hour? It's been an hour? MATT: It's been an hour of travel
to get through all of that. MARISHA: Poopermuffins. LIAM: But 100 hit points to everyone, which would probably get you to your extra additional hit points past the max. MATT: There you go. TALIESIN: I'm at max. MATT: It's at this point you hear what's a familiar sound to you. It should be you, because you're the one who scryed on it. Actually no, you as well. You hear-- sorry. Trying to remember who saw what for the two visions that went out there. The wind is extremely strong up here. And the climbing should be fine, but for those of you who are prone to flight, you get the sense that these winds will take some careful guidance to not be blown off the top of the mountain. LAURA: (grumbling) Yeah, right, all right. [laughter] MATT: But you hear beneath that wind howl, this horrible "(growls) "Father!" And you hear a (thoom), an impact shakes, and a few rocks, pebbles, tumble down and get blown off by the wind as it scoots by. TRAVIS: Did he say "father"? LAURA: Mm-hmm. SAM: What does it mean, Mr. Bell? You know all about this place. [laughter] TRAVIS: Family issues are a standard
of the Pandemonium plane. Surely-- SAM: It's like one big Thanksgiving dinner? [laughter] TRAVIS: Yes. (clears throat) (blows raspberry) LAURA: Should we go? Should we go up? MARISHA: I'm doing the wind gusty thing. LAURA: Should I cast Pass Without Trace again? SAM: Sure.
TALIESIN: I think that's probably a good decision. LAURA: (high-pitched) Okie dokie, I'm going to do that. MATT: All right, so having to focus and keep up and cast and maintain the Gust spell is going to be pretty hard, because it does require somatic components. And this is a point you have to climb with both hands. So--
LAURA: Stealthily. MATT: -- as you all carefully make your way up the side of the mountain, I need you
all to roll a stealth check, please. LIAM: Guidance on myself. MATT: All right. SAM: 31.
LAURA: Plus 10. TALIESIN: Plus 10. SAM: 41-- no. 31. MARISHA: 28.
MATT: 28. TALIESIN: 16, 18, 26, 32. MATT: 32. LIAM: Damn. 28. MATT: 28. TALIESIN: "Damn, 28." LAURA: Natural one. [groaning] Also, uh... Trinket, how am I getting him up here? Because he's got Grog on his back. SAM: I don't want to sound like a broken record, but... Maybe we should-- I know he's family. LAURA: What are we going to do, leave him here at the bottom of the cliff?
SAM: Yeah, yeah. Leave him here.
LAURA: At the bottom of a cliff? SAM: Absolutely leave him here at the bottom of a cliff. LAURA: In Pandemonium, forever? MATT: Trinket sees this argument between the two of you, and he just goes like-- (bear grunts) and starts climbing the side. TALIESIN: Bears can climb. [cheering] MATT: Go ahead and roll--
TALIESIN: Bears can climb. MATT: -- roll an athletics check for Trinket, if you don't mind. LAURA: I'm scared of my dice now. It'll be a strength for Trinket, right? Or a dex? MATT: It'd be strength.
LAURA: Okay. Ooh! 18. MATT: Like a champ. [cheering] Trinket, being a creature used to climbing certain aspects of nature for hunting, and you know, many years of learning to live in the wilds, is finding the different perches in the cliffside that aren't at an extreme angle, and precarious at times, still manages to make his way slowly up the side of the spire. LIAM: It's all those honey heists. MATT: It would be. [laughter] MARISHA: Roll for bear. MATT: Roll for bear. All right, so. Do you all ascend? All right, what was your stealth, by the way? TRAVIS: 21.
MATT: 21, and... ASHLEY: Natural 20. SAM and TALIESIN: Yeah! [cheering] ASHLEY: That might be a first. LAURA: Does her natural 20 balance out my natural one? ASHLEY: Probably. LIAM: You probably died. MARISHA: Family reunion.
LAURA: Together again. MARISHA: (laughs) [groaning] LIAM: Finally, do you want to play like, Parcheesi, or Monopoly, I've been here for, like, it feels like eons. SAM: It's been literally a day. TALIESIN: (laughs) MATT: As you guys ascend the tower, one hand over the other, slowly, carefully, as quiet as you can. Thankfully, the howling winds seem to mask any sort of slips, any sound of falling rocks, as that's a relatively common occurrence around here, and you get the sense that this tower, over time, is just slowly eroding from the winds that burn around it. As you climb towards the top of this, you hear the voice again. (grunts)
(roars) And you see something swing just past the edge of the wall above you, and once again the tower, (crash) some of the stones loosen, and for a second you have to re-grasp the side. But you're fine. You slowly begin to climb towards the top. I'm going to go ahead and pull a map for you. SAM: Ooh! Guys. Isn't Matt super good at this? [cheering] Wow. LIAM: It's funny what 20 years of playing Dungeons & Dragons will do. SAM: Ooh. [laughter]
LIAM: (laughs) Holy shee-yut. Holy shit. SAM: How does that work? Thunderdome?! MATT: So. I would-- let's see, where do we want to place you guys? Bertrand. Where are you? You guys are climbing up this edge here.
SAM: He left the stage. MATT: He did.
SAM: He legitimately fled, right before the final fight. MATT: Then I'm going to place him right here. SAM: Great. MATT: All right, who's next? LIAM: I will be next to Bertrand. MATT: All right, I'll put you there. LIAM: Thank you. MATT: Pike, Scanlan? ASHLEY: I'll be a little bit behind Lieve'tel... Schrieber. SAM: I'll be next to Peeky. MATT: Next to...
SAM: Sure, sure. TALIESIN: I'm going to be at the
far corner, towards the audience. MATT: All right, over here? TALIESIN: Yes, over there.
SAM: Downstage. MATT: Vex?
TALIESIN: Downstage. MATT: How far up and down do you want to be? I know it's hard to see from your perspective. LAURA: I'll be mid's up. MATT: Sure, we'll put you-- SAM: Medium. LAURA: Medium-- no, you know what, I want to be a little higher. I'm going to be a little higher. MATT: Little higher, all right, we'll put you... LAURA: I'm very athletic. MATT: That'll work fine, it's Bertrand's at the top there. Trinket is right behind you. LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: And Keyleth. MARISHA: I'll be in front of Percy,
if you're okay with that. TALIESIN: Oh, always.
MARISHA: All right. MATT: All right. Oh, Bertrand's not here. SAM: Is Travis dropping deuce right now? What happened? LAURA: Where'd he run to? MATT: I think he had to go pump some milk. [laughter] LAURA: Welcome to my world. MATT: Oh, I can only understand. SAM: Oh no.
MATT: All right, so. Anyone want to come take a glance on this side? LAURA: Oh wow, it's cool. MARISHA: It's like a-- It's like a tiered wedding cake. LAURA: All right. MATT: Travis, what are you doing, buddy? Well, when you got to go. [laughter] That's fine. SAM: We're all wearing diapers for the show, like we always do.
MATT: There he is! Welcome back. [cheering] SAM: It's your move, dude. MATT: All right, so. Bertrand, you see this first, as you are the first to ascend and glance over the top. As you peek past the top wall, what you see is, what appears to be humanoid. A human, if you will. But on a scale you haven't seen before. Standing well into about 25 feet tall, you see what may have been an adonis of a man, wearing a bit of armor around his midsection, and bracers, like a Grecian god, if you will. Except, dark and corrupted. The skin is jet black. The eyes burn vibrant and red. The wind sweeps by, blasting the hair past, as you see horns curling out of the top of the skull. In one hand, you see a massive hammer that's glowing red with runes, and flames burning off the side. And protruding from its back, whatever corruption has taken this entity has caused these four large, spider leg-like appendages to tear out of its shoulder blades and lower back to curl around. LAURA: No! TALIESIN and LIAM: Ooh! SAM: What is that? LIAM: It's Travis Willingham. (groaning) MATT: In the center of this tower, there are smattering bits of skulls and bones just around the floor. And in the center, you see embedded, this red gem. So. What would you guys like to do? MARISHA: It's in his head? Is that what you said? MATT: No, it's in the center of the chamber. Calling that little campfire as the red gem, because that's the best I could do with the time I had. ASHLEY: Before we crest, may I cast Holy Aura? MATT: Holy Aura? ASHLEY: I have it prepared. MATT: What reliquary do you have to use as the material component? ASHLEY: Say again?
MATT: The-- LIAM: What special shit do you have?
MATT: What's your special-- He had the finger bone, what do you have to cast the spell? ASHLEY: Right.
LIAM: I made up Purvan's finger on the spot. What do you got? ASHLEY: The thing that I have is... MATT: It doesn't matter, you go and reach for it, and the pouch where you keep it is also missing. SAM: Oh, Bob! Bob is the fucking worst. LIAM: (laughs) LAURA: Where's my coin sack? Is my coin sack there? MATT: Your coin sack is still there.
ASHLEY: Do I still have, okay. MATT: And you check. Most of your base material components are still with you. But anything that is worth a gold piece value of material components, is missing. MATT: That includes the metal fork you need to cast Plane Shift. [distressed noises] LIAM: Let me check my spells. MATT: So keeping tabs, as you
continue to cast spells for now, anything that has a gold cost cannot be used. LIAM: Yeah. Oh shit. LAURA: Wait, that's any kind of, like, resurrection. MATT: Yeah. [distressed noises] LIAM: Oh shit.
TRAVIS: Cool, cool. Real cool. LIAM: Pertinent information that
would have been cool 30 minutes ago. Woo. SAM: I can make us look like cows for free. [laughter] LIAM: My shit's gone. Can't get us out of here. LAURA: Fuck. Great. MATT: You see him continue to stomp around. In a unique way, it seems like it's trying to get off the top of the tower. But every time it goes towards the edge, something pulls it back. Something unseen is binding it to this location. LAURA: Hmm. MATT: And for a second, you recall what you learned a little bit about the deck, and the effect that grabbed Grog's soul. That some powerful entity was then bound to guard where the soul was kept. So whatever this creature's existence is here on Pandemonium most of the time, whatever anger it carries in its soul is intensified by the fact that whatever madness keeps it here in this plane, it can't even move from the top of this tower. And it is furious. LIAM: Shite.
TRAVIS: Cool. Good be-- cool. Yeah. MATT: (growls violently) Again it shakes with an impact. What are you doing?
TRAVIS: Well. Our destiny awaits. LAURA: Do we know how to get Grog's soul into Grog? Do we know that? SAM: No, we'll figure that out later. One thing at a time. LAURA: (nervous noise) ASHLEY: Well, we got to make sure that-- I don't want-- ah. MATT: It's coming closer to the side. TALIESIN: I'm going to... LAURA: Don't look down. MATT: It looks straight down at Sir Bertrand, who's looking over the wall. TALIESIN: I'm going to activate my boots and cast-- and I'm going to activate my boots on the very next--
MATT: Well, you can do that on your turn, because we need you guys to roll initiative. TALIESIN: Aw, man. All right. MARISHA: Oh boy. TALIESIN: Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy. MARISHA: Oh boy, oh boy. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: Fuck me. TALIESIN: Woo! MARISHA: That's good.
TALIESIN: That's better. MATT: 25 to 20. MARISHA: 21.
TALIESIN: 24. TRAVIS: 21. SAM: Wow.
MARISHA: Yay! [cheering] LAURA: I was readying an action for the minute we weren't stealthed any more. Does that trigger then? MATT: You guys have been stealthed until he spotted it, so, so no.
LAURA: Oh, okay. MATT: Well, the action you were readying earlier, you mean? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Sure, I'll allow it. I'll allow it. LAURA: Then the minute he looked down, he would have gotten a big blast of light in his eyes, because from the inside I light up like a beacon. MATT: All right.
LAURA: Which is going to be great here, I'm sure. MATT: All right. The light just blasts around you. LAURA: 120 feet of daylight. MATT: Yeah. The whole area just fills with light now. Anybody who's down in the intense sandstorm of Pandemonium, even amongst the chaotic blasting of wind and dirt, sees this faint brown glow up at the top of the spire. It's a very unique vision for anybody else out there. Anyway. Well done. So, rest of the initiative order. 20 to 15. LIAM: 18.
LAURA: 18. SAM: 18. ALL: Ooh.
[oohing] MATT: Look at that. LAURA: (chuckles) MATT: All right. 15 to 10. 10 to five. [groaning]
SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: Really?
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: What you got?
ASHLEY: I, uh-- a four. MATT: No, Pike. [cheering] TRAVIS: Just statistically, that shouldn't be possible. MATT: Well, top of the round is Percy. Percy, what are you doing? TALIESIN: Boots are activated. I'm casting Hex on it, and I'm giving it, I'm giving it a... Let's do disadvantage on strength or constitution. Let's do... MATT: It is now cast. TALIESIN: Let's do constitution-- Let's do strength checks, strength checks.
MATT: Strength checks it is, all right. So you activate the boots. You can't see it yet to cast it, so I assume you're going to get into view? TALIESIN: (stammers) Is he not,
am I not capable of seeing him? MATT: No, you can't see. The wall's
blocking your point of view. So unless you get up towards him to see. TALIESIN: I'm going to climb up a bit until I can see him. MATT: About there is where you would be. On the side of the wall, technically. TALIESIN: Oh, okay, and the boots are an action, correct? MATT: The boots are, yes. TALIESIN: In that case, I'm going to... Oh in that case, I'm going to cast Hex, and then I'm going to run back down diagonally on the other side of the wall away from everybody else. MATT: That's all you do? TALIESIN: Yeah, just Hex and then down, and then down the wall. MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: But like on the other side of it, towards the audience, stage center. MATT: I'll go ahead and I'll platform.
TALIESIN: I'm here to make life very difficult. MATT: I can tell, there you are. That's your turn, Percy. You're up, Keyleth. You're going--
MARISHA: Oh, fuck. MATT: -- with Bertrand. What are you doing? MARISHA: Bertrand, go first. I'm so gracious. TRAVIS: Really? MARISHA: If you want to. (whines) TRAVIS: I'm a melee person. You want me to go first? MARISHA: Fuck, fine, I'll go! TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck that, I'm going in! MATT: All right, what are you doing, Bertrand? TRAVIS: If I'm up on the edge of the wall, am I within melee of the
giant, demon, hammer-wielding thing? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Cool. [laughter] Let's take three swipes at it, plus an action surge for six total strikes. [cheering] MATT: All right. So we'll say-- So you're going up on the wall, or are you getting down into the space with it? TRAVIS: Can I just stay up on the ledge? MATT: Technically, you are within its melee, but you have get a little closer to take it.
TRAVIS: I'm getting down in there with it! MATT: All right, there you go. [cheering] Go for it, make your attacks. TRAVIS: Okay. First one is 20 to hit. MATT: 20 to hit misses. [gasping] MATT: You swing towards its knee, and it just pulls its leg back and nothing. SAM: Oh boy. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: This is fucked up. Second one is 23 to hit. MATT: Just barely hits. SAM: Oh.
[groaning] SAM: Okay. That's not bad.
TRAVIS: Okay. 19. Well, that's a 22. MATT: That misses. So take your one hit of damage. TRAVIS: 26 to hit? MATT: Oh wait. TRAVIS: I'm doing an action surge, so six total.
MATT: Oh that's right, 26 hits. TRAVIS: Yeah. I have two more. Natural 20. [cheering] And the last one is 27 to hit. SAM: Oh!
[cheering] MATT: So that's four hits. One of which-- the third hit is a critical. TRAVIS: Yes. The third hit was a critical. MATT: Go for it, roll damage.
TRAVIS: Okay, there we go. I got it. (excited mumbling) I know, right? 15 plus three is 18 on the first one. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Second one is 19 points of slashing damage on the second one. MATT: Great.
TRAVIS: Third one is the crit, which is the smallest one. That is 12, 24, plus three, 27.
MATT: 27, all right. And fourth and final hit. TRAVIS: 16, 19 points of slashing damage. MATT: 19 points of slashing damage. Well done, that is-- [cheering] TRAVIS: Ah ha! (grunts)
MATT: That is just over 80 hit points in one round. TRAVIS: Nice.
MATT: Well done. TRAVIS: And that was using--
MATT: So that's you hacking through, a few miss, a few hit. You're like (screams) with the rapier. TRAVIS: That was the full plus three of the Gambler's Rapier, by the way. MATT: Yeah. Perfect. All right. Is that the end of your turn? It looks down at you after you slash through and it goes, (grunts) TRAVIS: I don't know! MATT: And there's, like-- you see its fingers grip the maul even harder in its hand, and when it does so, dust and sand falls from the middle of its knuckles. TRAVIS: I'm not afraid. I'm with friends! MATT: Keyleth, what are you doing? MARISHA: Okay. So... I... am going to remember you were talking-- I'm assuming it's still super fucking windy up here, right? Flying's bad.
MATT: Pretty windy. You can try to fly, but you're going to have to make checks to maintain height.
MARISHA: Nah, I'm fine. I'm going to imagine the Nine Hells because that's where I feel like I am and I'm going to turn into a goristro, burning my 9th-level Shapechange spell. MATT: Oh.
[cheering] MARISHA: Fuck me solid. MATT: Keyleth-- MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: -- nearly pushes... Vex, you almost get shoved backward as you watch Keyleth suddenly (whooshes) transform into this large, massive, demonic goristro, which you've seen previously. And that's your action. Are you going to attempt to climb up? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check for me with the goristro's strength. MARISHA: He's pretty strong. He's a strong demon. Yeah, he's real strong, 25. MATT: All right, and what's the movement of the goristro? MARISHA: 40. MATT: Without issue, you (crashing) climb up the top, getting all the way up to the edge of the wall with your movement there. You watch as Keyleth's giant goristro form just slams her fists into the side of the tower, and ascending, and getting on top of the wall, to face the creature down.
MARISHA: And I just look at him, and in Demon, I just say: I'm so emotional! (screams) MATT: It looks back and you and goes (screams). MATT and MARISHA: (screaming) MATT: It's a lot of emotion right there. All right, that finishes your turn, Keyleth. MATT: Bertrand, finished your turn. Now it's Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve. LIAM: I will go, if that's all right. LAURA: Yeah, go for it. LIAM: Lieve'tel will... I have not meditated for 150 years to die here. She will climb up to the top of the wall, take the Rod of Alertness and jam it into the stone next to her. MATT: Make a general strength-- or athletics check for me, if you don't mind. LIAM: Guidance. MATT: Yes.
LIAM: No. Yep. No, not Guidance.
MATT: Not Guidance, because... LAURA: Yet. LIAM: Oh, Jesus. Seven. MATT: Seven? You don't fall, but it takes you all of your movement to get to the very top of the wall. That's as far as you can get.
LIAM: That's absolutely fine. So the Rod of Alertness jams into the stone, and bleeds bright light on the entire group, and everyone gains plus one bonus to AC, and saving throws, and can sense the location of any invisible hostile creatures that Matt has placed around. MATT: I don't know what you mean.
LIAM: That is an action, and as a bonus, she will place her hands on the holy prayer beads on her wrist and say a prayer to the Raven Queen, and summon a Planar Ally. [cheering] MATT: All righty. So, the action was placing the... LIAM: And the beads, everything is a bonus. MATT: Correct. Okay, so what Planar Ally? Just whatever shows up? LIAM: It could be up to you, it could be up to-- MATT: The planar ally that shows up, of course, though I don't have the colors properly for it, is massive black raven. LAURA: Ah. MATT: That (whooshes) where you slam it onto the floor appears. As its wings unfurl, the wind (whooshes) buffets it, but it manages to (whooshes) try and get five feet of the ground. There you go. That ends your turn.
MARISHA: Matt, I have a DM question. MATT: Yes?
MARISHA: Because I don't want to be dishonest. Shapechange takes a circlet worth $1500. Is that like, my circlet? How do you mean when you say, like, "components"? And stuff like that? Like, my antlers are pretty dope.
MATT: We're this far into it. We're this far into it, and you know what? I'll say, he didn't get everything. Just a few important things. [cheering] I'll allow it. Goodbye. All right, then. SAM: You want to go? MATT: So.
LAURA: Oh. MATT: Vex, Scanlan, what are you guys doing? LAURA: I'm going to climb up. SAM: I will as well. MATT: All right. Up onto the wall. Make a strength check, please. LAURA: Wait, can I-- without climbing directly in front of him, can I-- Is it possible to climb over and up? Is it all like, just, is there like a wall that you can stand on and scooch over before you get to the top ledge? I can't see.
MATT: Not really, no. LAURA: Fuck. Okay, I'm just going to come up, then. MATT: All right, well, you can move up this far, just make a general strength check. LAURA: Okay.
MATT: Or athletics, sorry. SAM: Athletics?
MATT: Yes. LAURA: How about acrobatics? MATT: No.
LAURA: Fuck. SAM: Mine was a 12. LAURA: 23. MATT: Oh! You manage to make it up onto the wall there. You both climb up onto the edge. And if you want, you can step inside. Up to you. LAURA: Uh... Oh god. Am I allowed to-- Can I shoot him with an arrow at disadvantage, or--? MATT: Well, you have Sharpshooter, I believe, right? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: That means. SAM: No disadvantage. MATT: No, wait, no, Sharpshooter... TALIESIN: Ignore three-quarter recover.
LAURA: No disadvantage for long range. MATT: Hold on. TALIESIN: Ignore long range, ignore three-quarter cover for Sharpshooter. MATT: Correct, but yeah, no. So yeah, you would still take disadvantage in melee, yeah. LAURA: Okay. Okay.
MATT: For this round. LAURA: I'm going to cast Hex. MATT: Okay. Hex. It's been double-- or you mean, not Hex. Hunter's Mark?
TALIESIN: Hunter's Mark. LAURA: Oh, right. Darling! TALIESIN: Hex is mine. Hunter's Mark is yours.
LAURA: Right, right, I'm sorry. MATT: Let's say we'll consider
that Hunter's Mark, there you go. LAURA: Okay. I think I'm going to try to run away, like, can I, is the wall just blocked up all different directions? Like, there's no getting out of this, it's all blocked up? MATT: It's a good, like, six, seven feet up. So you either stay on the wall, or jump in. There's no, like, directly outside of it. TRAVIS: Come on in, the water's fine! LAURA: No, I don't want to. Okay. Shit. I'm going to-- fuck it. I'm going to jump in. MATT: All righty.
TALIESIN: Oh boy. LAURA: And I'm going to try to run underneath his legs and shoot an arrow up, as I'm running underneath his legs. MATT: Make an acrobatics check for me. TALIESIN: There you go. LAURA: 17 plus nine is what? 26.
TALIESIN: 26. MATT: I'll allow it. I'll put you on the other side of him. LAURA: As I, like, shoot an arrow, can I slide through and shoot an arrow up?
MATT: Go for it, make a shot. LAURA: (chuckles) Oh. 19 plus 16. MATT: That hits, definitely. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: Yeah, but [inaudible]. LAURA: And he's engaged, right? MATT: He is.
LAURA: Okay. MATT: Well, you haven't asked him. [laughter] Dumb joke, go ahead. Dumb, dumb joke. LAURA: 14 plus two is 16. Plus... Ooh. 21. 26, 27. 30. 35 points of damage. MATT: 35 points of damage. Nice. All right. LAURA: And then, I'm going to shoot him again. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: With my blazing bowstring! MATT: There you go. [cheering]
You remembered it. LAURA: 18 plus 16. MATT: That hits. LAURA: Hmm. 16 plus... Seven, 16 plus seven is 23 points. MATT: 23 points, nice.
LAURA: Yes. MATT: All right, so as you scoot through, Legolas-style, (whooshes) underneath. Both just rocket up into his... LAURA: I slide back.
MATT: -- corrupted crotch. Sure, we'll put it that way. LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Wow, okay. MATT: Kind of, (grunts) looks down at you as you slide through out the other side. On his other end, you get back to your feet. Well done, that's your turn. Scanlan. SAM: Eh, the thing I wanted to do can't be done now! Ooh! LAURA: Did I jack it up? SAM: Yeah, but it's okay. I'll do something else. Let's just say, LAURA: But didn't I look cool? SAM: Yes!
LAURA: Thanks! SAM: Let's just say, I'll do this, but it won't work, because he'll legendary action it, but that's okay, it'll burn one. I'll cast Otto's Irresistible Dance. [cheering] And make him dance. TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Dance!
LIAM: ♪ Everybody dance now! ♪ (singing)
SAM: And I will simultaneously inspire Keyleth, by singing: (to the tune of "In My Feelings")
♪ Kiki, do you love me? ♪ ♪ Are you fighting? ♪ ♪ Do you need old Scanlan to help you? ♪ ♪ 'Cause you know. ♪ Sorry.
MATT: There you go. Take your d12, Keyleth. MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: All right, and that's going to make-- It's a wisdom save? SAM: It is a-- It just happens. There's no save. It just happens. MATT: (chuckling) [laughter] TALIESIN: Wow, you dropped the bass.
TRAVIS: Dance, motherfucker, dance! MATT: That's true. TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: That's cool, yeah, so all you guys have advantage on attacks against it. ASHLEY: We all do? TALIESIN: (cackles)
MATT: Yeah. SAM: And I think it also has disadvantage on attacks? MATT: No, it just has to use its movement to dance. LAURA: Well, it already has disadvantage on attacks. TRAVIS: "It just has to use its movement to dance."
MATT: It can't leave its space, and it just sits there, as it's like (groans). MARISHA: Do the Hustle. MATT: It just goes into straight, like, Riverdance. (dancing steps) Its feet are, like, slamming, heavily into the top of the tower. The heavy impacts you were hearing earlier are nothing compared to perpetual blasting (stomping) as its sandals are scraping into the stone. You watch the other rocks tumble, and spill off the edges, picked up and swept away by the wind. This is very weird. All right. TALIESIN: Going to get worse. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Scanlan? SAM: Yes, sir. MATT: All right, at the end of both of your turns, it's going to use a legendary action. LAURA: Oh no.
MATT: That's two of them. It's going to attempt two attacks. Its attacks are a 15 foot cone. That's one there. Let's do two there. Since you're right in the way. So against, that's going to be Bertrand, Lieve, and Scanlan. That's going to be a total of 20... 26 to hit. SAM: Sure, sure, yeah, sure. LIAM: Yes, that hits. MATT: All right. All three of you suffer 34 points of bludgeoning damage. SAM: Hey, that's not that terrible. LAURA: Wait, I thought something you cast, Lieve'tel, gave him disadvantage on attacks against us. LIAM: No, that was something the DM slapped down, so that's gone. Slapped that down. MATT: Sorry.
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: The second attack, as its hammer swings down. (slamming) Slams into the wall, the wall cracks and breaks. It scoots into Lieve, sending you against, prone against it for a moment, and you manage to just get yourself up. Scanlan, it almost throws you off the wall. SAM: (shrieks) MATT: And then down on top of you, Sir Bertrand, and you-- TRAVIS: Oh, fuck! MATT: You just like, ugh! The second attack. TRAVIS: I'm sure that's the sound I made. MATT: The second attack is going to be 35 to hit. [gasps] SAM: Is that against just Bertrand, or everyone? MATT: No, that's all three of you guys again. SAM: Okay, that hits. MATT: And I need you to make a constitutions saving throw, by the way.
SAM: Let me just check my AC. Yeah, that hits. That hits twice.
MATT: Make two constitution saving throws for me, Scanlan.
LIAM: Will I need to make a concentration check on the-- oh no. Wait no, that's the rod, never mind. Never mind. Nothing's up, nothing's up. LAURA: Okay, good. SAM: And with advantage on all these, yep. I got 24 and a 19. MATT: All right, yeah, you're fine. SAM: Whew! MATT: It's 36 points of bludgeoning damage to all three of you with that second attack. SAM: Even me? MATT: Even you. SAM: Okay. What happens to them that didn't happen to me? MATT: It's because you're concentrating on a spell. SAM: Oh, okay.
MATT: That's why. To see if you maintained the dance. All right, that ends your go. And it's your turn, now, because it was your reaction to set up the thing earlier, right? LIAM: Reaction? It wasn't a reaction; that was my turn. MATT: Did I-- Oh, no, you did it before they did. LIAM: Seems awfully soon for me to go.
MATT: I'm trying to get my order down. That's all good, yeah, we'll come back to you. Now it is the creature's turn. LAURA: Oh my god, that was just legendary action. MATT: So it gets its actions back. TRAVIS: What?
MARISHA: That's right. TALIESIN, MATT, and MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Well, it can't move, because it's (pounding) its feet on the top of the tower. Hell, for that, I'm going to go ahead and make a save for the tower. [gasping] That's a fail. LAURA: (gasps)
SAM: Oh! MATT: Pike, I want you to make a dexterity saving throw, as the wall comes crumbling off past you. TRAVIS: This is getting worse. [laughter] MATT: This piece, success. Natural one. Success. Success, okay. Scanlan, I'll need you to make a dexterity save as well. SAM: Sure, sure. MATT: So Pike, what'd you get? ASHLEY: Nine. MATT: Nein! AUDIENCE: Nein! MATT: You suffer nine points of bludgeoning damage, as the wall crumbles and tumbles past you, slamming into you, but you hold your shield up to deflect as much as you can. SAM: 20 total? MATT: 20 total, you manage to just avoid the crumbling of the tower, landing in place as the stones spill into the space around you. Oh-- No, because you have to wait 'til your turn to move your bear. That's right. Sitting there with Grog on his back. All right. So there's that. That's the dancing. (chuckles) Now it's going to go ahead and make two attacks. Yeah, it can't move. It's going to go ahead and do this again against the three of you. And then one against Keyleth. MARISHA: Okay. [groaning] MATT: That is 34 to hit. TALIESIN: Ah.
SAM: Yeah that hits. TRAVIS: Last time I checked. MATT: That's actually a pretty bad roll. Okay. So you all take 28 points of bludgeoning damage. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: (nervous chuckle) MATT: And make another constitution saving throw.
TRAVIS: Being human's a bitch, huh? MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: And another 35 to hit. SAM: Yeah, sure, that hits. TALIESIN: Oh, were you splitting them, or is that two against them? Were you splitting also against Keyleth, or were you-- MATT: This is against Keyleth. TALIESIN: Okay. MARISHA: What'd you say? MATT: 35 to hit.
MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Yeah. You suffer... 35 points of bludgeoning damage. MARISHA: Okay. And this isn't a magical effect? MATT: It isn't a magical effect. It is a magical weapon. MARISHA: Copy. MATT: So you watch as after it's dancing in its space, looking confused and angry, keeps looking up to the sky and shouting, just incoherent phrases, and sometimes it seems like there should be language you could understand and sometimes you just hear what sounds like that "Father!" scream previously. And as it looks out the corner of its eye, it takes its hammer and swings on, slams twice. Once down into Bertrand, and Scanlan, and Lieve, and the other one slams into the side of the goristro. You manage to try and catch it, and it hits you in the chest. Go ahead and make a general strength save for me, if you don't mind. Just for fun. LIAM: You get a plus one on that. MARISHA: Do I? LIAM: Yes, you do.
TALIESIN: And do you have advantage? SAM: You are inspired. MARISHA: I get plus one. LIAM: Plus one from the rod I shoved in the ground. MARISHA: It's not great. 12. MATT: Okay. That's fine.
SAM: You're inspired if you need it. MARISHA: Apparently I'm fine. MATT: That ends its turn. Pike, you're up. SAM: Hey, real quick, Matt. I hit it with something. I would like to know its damage vulnerabilities, or one damage vulnerability. MATT: There aren't any. SAM: Ugh! TRAVIS: Shit. TALIESIN: Good question. MATT: But good question. TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: All right. Pike? ASHLEY: Okay. I am going to crawl-- climb up to the area of destruction, where he is. MATT: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Oh hi! ASHLEY: Oh!
MATT: You see enough now, there's not a sheer wall in the way, you manage to get up in its face.
ASHLEY: Get up there. Okay, and, I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt! LAURA: Yeah! TRAVIS: ♪ Guiding Bolt, right up the butt ♪ MATT: Where is it going? ASHLEY: Say again?
MATT: Where is the Guiding Bolt going? ASHLEY: Up the butt! MATT: There we go. [cheering] MATT: You have advantage on the attack, because it's still dancing. TALIESIN: Oh my god, this is going to be so nuts. ASHLEY: Oh wait. So that would have been-- SAM: Come on, Pike! ASHLEY: Okay. Um, um, um, um. 25. MATT: That hits, go ahead, roll damage. [cheering] ASHLEY: Okay, I'm doing it at...
LAURA: What are you casting it at? ASHLEY: I was going to do it at 3rd-level, but I wonder if-- Okay, I'm going to do 3rd-level. Probably should do higher. Oh gosh, this is nerve-racking when it's on you! MATT: And Percy, you're on deck.
LIAM: Who's hurt again, by the way? TALIESIN: Oh, I'm ready. LIAM: Who's fucked up? SAM: Me and Bertrand, But Bertrand's probably about dead. TRAVIS: No, I'm good. I'm going to cut this guy's toes off in a second.
ASHLEY: No, no! [laughter] ASHLEY: Okay.
SAM: Bertrand's pretty much dead. TRAVIS: No, I'm good. TALIESIN: Maybe. SAM: Are you in single digits yet? TRAVIS: No, I'm handsome as fuck right now. [laughter] TALIESIN: Three on that sword, huh? Sorry. ASHLEY: Dang it. Okay, 19 points of damage. MATT: 19, all righty. 19 points of damage to the large-- and the closer you get to it, the more you can see it. It has a divine presence to it. There is something about that seems to give off a force of divinity, but it is clouded, it is shadowed. This is a very-- You're not entirely certain what source it is, but it seems simultaneously divine and ancient, and completely mad, both insane and furious. LAURA: So it's not evil, it's good? MATT: No, it may have been at one point, but this definitely seems like something evil has hold of it, or it's given in to whatever evil has slowly been eating away at its mind. LAURA: Okay. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: So Pike, that's your action? ASHLEY: As a bonus action, I would like to bring out a Spiritual Weapon. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: And I would like it to take the form of Grog's axe. MATT: Okay.
SAM: Aww. ASHLEY: A really big one. MATT: There it is. ASHLEY: And that'll be set there. And may I move just a little bit out of-- MATT: What level was your Guiding Bolt? ASHLEY: Guiding Bolt was a three. MATT: 3rd-level, got you.
ASHLEY: I did that 3rd-level. MATT: So it's 2nd-level, got it.
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll to attack against it. ASHLEY: (sighs) Okay, okay, okay. Which one do I do? Let's do this one. SAM: With advantage. MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. Shit, 22. MATT: 22 just misses.
ASHLEY: Okay. The axe swings wide, it scrapes into its thigh, and then just slides off, its actual skin seemingly armored by whatever divine essence its creation once gave. ASHLEY: Damn it. Okay. And then I'd like to move a little bit to the left. Oh wait. There's a bird there. MATT: There's a bird there. TALIESIN: Bird's flying, though.
MATT: You can move back here, that's about as far as you can get though, because of the time it took you to climb up, which would have been difficult terrain. ASHLEY: I'll hang out there. MATT: All right, so that's finishing Pike's turn there. At the end of Pike's turn, it's going to use another legendary action, to make another attack. This is going to be against... This'll be one against the same three, since they didn't move. So Bertrand, Lieve, and Scanlan. That is going to be a 20-- that's actually a pretty low roll for it. Low roll. 25 to hit. TRAVIS: Hits. SAM: I will Cutting Words that. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll your d12. SAM: Okay, my d12 will lower that by two. [cheering] MATT: You all suffer-- SAM: Aww! MATT: 37 points of bludgeoning damage. LIAM: Lieve is down. LAURA: No! LIAM: I'm only level 18, guys. LAURA: Oh my god! MATT: All righty. Scanlan? SAM: I'm okay. MATT: All right. That's going to
use its legendary action there. All right. That brings us to Percy. TALIESIN: Shit, son. Okay. I'm going to be running up the-- I'm going to be running up the side of the wall, on my way to the other side of this thing, and while I'm up there, I'm going to take a few seconds at the top of the wall. I'm going to bust out Bad News, and I'm going to-- [cheering] TALIESIN: First thing I'm going to do is spend a grit point for a disarming shot. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Let's see if this goes all right. Oh, come on. Well, that'll do. That's a 30 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: So you have to do a
strength check at disadvantage. SAM: Yes! MATT: That is going to be a 26. TALIESIN: At disadvantage? MATT: Yeah, it rolled a nine, and it's plus 17 to its strength saving throw. SAM: Ooh! [groaning] TALIESIN: All right. Well, regardless. Take-- that was a 15. 15 points of damage plus six necrotic. MATT: Necrotic, got it. So that's 21. Next attack.
TALIESIN: Next attack. MATT: As you rush along the side of the wall, your feet spider climbing on the side, you pull up Bad News and (gunshot) one big shot (whooshes). TALIESIN: Bonus action to reload, and I'm burning another grit for dazing action. MATT: All righty. These attacks have advantage, by the way. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I know. MATT: Just letting you know. TALIESIN: That was 25 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: And you have to do a constitution check. MATT: Mm-hmm. TALIESIN: 11, that's 15 damage. MATT: 15 damage. And it rolled 25, 15 plus 10.
TALIESIN: All right. All right, I'm learning a lot. I'm going to use a-- I'm going to use a action to reload, and I'm going to shoot again. MATT: Action surge? Oh no, because you have four attacks. That's right, level 20 fighter, bitch! Go for it. TALIESIN: Natural 20. [cheering] MATT: Wait, so you've attacked twice this round, right? TALIESIN: This is the third attack. Because I used the bonus action to reload the first time. Yeah, you're right, you got it. TALIESIN: And I'm feeling that I got a good shot, and because I can do this after I roll, Cabal's is going to go. MATT: Go for it. Pump it in. [cheering] MATT: Ooh. Ooh. It's beautiful. Keyleth and Bertrand, you're on deck. TALIESIN: (counting) Are they? Okay. That's... oh my god, I may need help with this. Let's see. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 31, 32, 33, 38-- 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44-- 45, 46, 47, 48. 49 times two? SAM: Oh!
[cheering] MATT: Plus your modifier? TALIESIN: What? MATT: Is that plus your modifier? TALIESIN: I don't-- no, I have no modifier for Bad News. It's just straight dice damage, there's no modifier for Bad News. MATT: No, there's still a dex bonus. You still get your dex on top of it. TALIESIN: Oh, I do? Oh, that's-- 49 is doubled, and then plus my dex modifier. I have not been doing that.
MATT: So it's 98, plus... TALIESIN: Plus six. Because-- [cheering] And. MATT: 104 points of damage.
TALIESIN: Oh, it gets worse. And you know what happens at the end of your next turn? MATT: Yeah, it takes half that damage. TALIESIN: It takes half that damage again. Thank you. [cheering] LIAM: (laughs) TALIESIN: And really quick because
I know other people want to play, action surge. MATT: Oh man, that's... TALIESIN: Two more shots.
MATT: All right. That's 104 points of damage that will lead into an additional 52, that is 156 points of damage from a single attack. LIAM: Level 20! MATT: I think-- I think that beats Arkhan's record
for damage in a single attack. [cheering] TALIESIN: Fuck you, dude. SAM: More like Arkhan the Fool!
TALIESIN: Two more shots. I get two more shots. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Literally shots fired. MATT: Love you, Joe. TALIESIN: 15 plus-- 28 to hit. MATT: 28 to hit hits. Level 20 fighters, guys. TALIESIN: That's... 23, 24, 25, 31. SAM: Percy, Percy, show him some mercy! TALIESIN: 25 to hit. Yeah, 25 to hit. Oh god. And that's six, 17, 18, 19, 20 plus my dex modifier, 26. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: And now I'm ducking right the back fuck down. MATT: All right. So roll-- 26 damage, you mean? TALIESIN: What? 26 damage.
MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: And now I'm ducking, I'm rolling back down to hide. LAURA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: I'm keeping-- I'm going to try and get as my-- yeah. Up, and back down. MATT: All right. [cheering] MARISHA: Holy shit. TALIESIN: Advantage on my shots and I'm a beast. MATT: So from the rest of your perspectives, you watch as this hulking godling is just angrily snarling and slamming through. The walls are crumbling around here. It's tussling with this giant demon. And you watch Percy just go, (gunfire) And watch the creature go, "Huh?" (rapid impacts) Large, open wounds explode across its chest. You see craters across its normally dangerous form. Yeah. That's rough. LIAM: Dear gods, who was that one-and-a-half-armed man? [laughter] TALIESIN: Oh shit, son. MATT: At the end of Percy's turn, it's going to use another legendary action. SAM: Sure, sure.
LIAM: (laughs) MATT: And, yeah. You would have been out of its melee range, so it does not get an attack of
opportunity on you as you leave. It's going to go ahead and-- It's going to do another strike towards the three-- what is now the three of you. It angrily gets shot, and it looks over and sees that they're almost finished off. It's going to take one strike against there, and go once against you, because you're the goristro. You're the big dangerous thing. It needs to try and stop that spell. SAM: Sure. MATT: That is going to be another... plus 17, 26 to hit. SAM: Yeah, yeah, of course. Is this me, Keyleth, and Bertrand? MATT: You, Bertrand, and Lieve. So Lieve, so you lose a death save. LIAM: Yeah, sure.
MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Is it more than one? Because I'm down. MATT: That's an auto crit on the attack. LIAM: Two, right?
MATT: You're down two. LIAM: Sure. [gasping] LIAM: What will I do if my character dies? MATT: That is 32 points of bludgeoning damage to both Scanlan and Bertrand. TRAVIS: (laughs) One point left! [cheering] [laughter] TRAVIS: It's wild times in here, bitches! MATT: And Scanlan, make another
concentration check for me, please. SAM: Ooh, not good. No. No. Fail. MATT: The dance fails. The constant slamming of feet come to an end, as the legs extend into a defensive stance, a grin curls across its weirdly perfect, pearly white teeth, as it now has control of itself once more. All right. That ends Percy's turn. Keyleth and Bertrand, you're up. TRAVIS: (mumbles incoherently) MARISHA: I mean, do you want to go, or do you want me? What do you want? TRAVIS: Yeah, like half of my body doesn't even work. [laughter] TRAVIS: Sure. You want to go? Go. MARISHA: Okay. I just go: Fuck your dental insurance! and I leap off of the wall, come down with a flying superman punch, and I'm going to unleash a multiattack. MATT: So it pushes Vex out of the way a bit. MARISHA: (yells) MATT: To land there. Vex, you're shoved--
MARISHA: Fists. MATT: -- out of the way, as the goristro body slams into the entity. MARISHA: First attack. Ugh, 20. MATT: 20. The creature sees this coming, the blood is pouring out of its chest, and it goes-- and sidesteps, and you come elbow-first into the stone of the top of the tower. Immediate tennis elbow. Ah. Ah. MARISHA: I'm inspired, and I'll let it go this time, but I'm not going to forget it next time. Rolling again. TALIESIN: Oh. MARISHA: Yeah, that one hits. That's a 29. MATT: 29. Go ahead and roll damage on that. MARISHA: 3d8. What am I? I'm a demon. TALIESIN: Ones, you reroll. MARISHA: Not like this. TALIESIN: Oh, okay. MATT: Not like this. Not like this. MARISHA: I rolled two ones and a two. LAURA: Aww. MARISHA: Plus seven, so that's four, plus seven, which is 11, because that's math. MATT: 11 points of damage. MARISHA: And last attack. Inspiration. Yeah. That'll hit with 27. MATT: 27.
MARISHA: With my hoof. Oh man. I don't know how this thing works. Okay. 3d10. What the fuck? TALIESIN: I don't know what the hell that shit-- that's insane. MARISHA: Nine and two ones. So that's 11 plus seven, so another 18 damage. MATT: Still not bad, it all helps. So as you get up from the elbow, and just slam into it and kick your hoof into it (grunts) almost falls over, spins around, and now we have this kaiju battle going on on the top of the tower. There's both grappling and pushing. That ends your turn? MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: All right. LIAM: Hey, DM, gentle reminder. Where the fuck is my giant raven at? MATT: Oh yeah.
MARISHA: It's right there. MATT: Let's let it go on your turn. LIAM: On my turn? MATT: Yeah.
LIAM: No initiative? MATT: Hmm. It's easier to keep track on your turn. LIAM: Got it. MATT: All right. Ending their turn. Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve, you're up. TRAVIS: Oh, me.
LIAM: I'm not up. TRAVIS: It's my turn.
LAURA: Yeah, you're up first. TRAVIS: Yeah.
MATT: That's true, that's right. TRAVIS: As I watch Pacific Rim
rage above me. [laughter] I'm just going to go ahead and burn the fucking last action surge I have and take six more strikes at his toes. SAM: Yeah! MATT: All right. TRAVIS: That's a 19. MATT: Are you going to stay put where you are? Or are you going to move? TRAVIS: I'm fucking cutting up his feet, man. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: That's a 15. MATT: That's a miss. TRAVIS: Cool, this is fucking-- 23? MATT: 23 just hits.
TRAVIS: Ha-ha! [cheering] That is a 25. [cheering] That'll hit, that's a natural 19, so that's like a (mumbles) 30-something like that? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Last one is an eight, and that's not going to do it. MATT: No.
TRAVIS: No. Okay, so three of them. MATT: All right, three attacks, roll damage. TRAVIS: Okay. TRAVIS: This is all she wrote. Two plus eight plus (mutters). 12 on the first one. 16, 19 on the second one. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: And... I should've used my fucking Luck. Yeah. I should've done that. 13 on the last one. MATT: 13 on the last one, nice. Through the strikes and the blasts and the gunshots, and the horns and hoof marks, this creature is showing wear and tear. It can deal a lot of damage,
and it can take a lot of damage, and you guys are swarming into this, but right now, you are all wearing each other down at a very fast pace, both sides. Are you going to stay put, or do you want to strafe around? What do you want to do? TRAVIS: If I strafe around-- oh, I'll stay within his melee? MATT: Yeah.
TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll strafe around. MATT: Which direction?
TRAVIS: Maybe he'll forget me. I don't know, the one that looks more forgettable. [laughter] MATT: Probably this way. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Next to the Grog stone. TRAVIS: Oh. The Grog stone's right there? MATT: It's in the middle. That's the thing right there. TRAVIS: Huh. MATT: You found it. TRAVIS: Of course I did! MATT: Does that end your turn? TRAVIS: That's it. MATT: All right, it's going to use
the last of its legendary actions-- TRAVIS: Oh no, bonus action, bonus action to Second Wind. MATT: Go for it. [cheering] TRAVIS: That's 27 hit points, woo! MATT: Nice! As its last and final third legendary action, it's going to go ahead and attack you. [laughter] That is 17 again, 35 to hit. I keep rolling-- 18 and 17s on him have just been a thing. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. TALIESIN: Yeah, that's great. MATT: And that is going to be... 38 points of bludgeoning damage. TRAVIS: (echoing pained yelling) Out. MATT: All right. Beginning of the next turn of Vex, Scanlan, and Lieve. The beginning of the turn, you make your saving throws. Go ahead and make another death save. [groaning] LIAM: (throat slicing) [screaming] TRAVIS: Out! Out! LIAM: On brand! TRAVIS: Oh shit. MATT: Vex and Scanlan. LIAM: But the rod has nothing to do with the character, and the giant raven has nothing to do with the character, so, when it's Lieve's turn, the raven is acting. MATT: The raven swings up to join the side of the spiritual weapon angrily screeching towards it. Go ahead and roll two attacks for me, don't worry. LIAM: Okay, I have no idea, there's no details for this gigantic planar ally. 19 plus what? MATT: That's-- I'll say, plus six. That hits, go for it. Next attack. LIAM: And what's the damage? There's no deets.
MATT: 2d6 plus three. LIAM: 2d6 plus three. (chuckles) TALIESIN: That's how you DM.
LIAM: 14. MATT: 14.
LIAM: That's the first attack. MATT: Second attack?
LIAM: Second attack hits, 21. MATT: 21.
LAURA: That doesn't hit. MATT: That misses, I'm sorry.
LIAM: Misses, okay. Good job, raven. (squawks) MATT: Scanlan, Vex, what are you doing? LAURA: Okay. One of your friends just expired. The other one is down. LAURA: I'm going to use my bonus action to disengage.
MATT: Scanlan's looking rough. All right, bonus action to disengage. Where you going? LAURA: I'm backing up. Backing up nice and good.
MATT: All right. LAURA: And I'm going to bring-- is this stupid? To bring Trinket up into the... MATT: It's up to you. Do you want to? LAURA: I mean, he's got Grog on his back. What if Grog gets next to the stone and he, like, wakes up? SAM: Sure, sure, yeah. LAURA: So yeah, Trinket's going to run up, and just try to, like, you know, get next to the stone. MATT: What's his speed? LIAM: I mean, I am a titanic healer and I am dead. MATT: Speed is...
LAURA: 40 feet. MATT: 40 feet, so that's 20. 30, 35, 40. Gets him adjacent to the stone. As that happens, you watch the stone glow bright red. [cheering] (shattering)
And shatter. [loud cheering] [loud cheering] [loud cheering] TRAVIS: (heavy breathing) [cheering] AUDIENCE: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! Grog, Grog, Grog, Grog, Grog! TALIESIN: (like Grog) He's back. MATT: As the stone shatters, Grog's eyes immediately shoot open. He bulges his muscles, and all the teensy ropes that held him across Trinket's back snap off. Falls to the ground, pulls his axe from the side satchel that was attached to Trinket. And he's like, "What's going on?" You've been watching from inside the crystal, this all happening, and it's like, "Ooh, a little TV show." Oh, shit, it's on. That finish your turn, Vex? LAURA: No, because I haven't gone.
That was just Trinket moving. MATT: I know I'm saying finish your turn, finish your turn. LAURA: Oh, I'll shoot a couple arrows at him. MATT: Do it, go ahead and attack.
LAURA: I'm going to use a Bramble Shot, though. MATT: Go for it. Scanlan, what are you doing?
SAM: I know it. I'm ready. TALIESIN: (chuckling) LAURA: 24.
MATT: 24 hits, roll damage. LAURA: And then, wait. My second attack also hits. It's 13 plus 16. Okay, okay, okay. Ah! Ah. That's 4d8. Uh. 13. 18. 25. Plus... MARISHA: Come on. LAURA: 29, plus... 34, plus... 34, 44. 47, 49 points of damage on the first arrow. MATT: Jesus.
TRAVIS: Oh! TALIESIN: Yeah! MATT: All right, go for it. TALIESIN: I love you, darling. Well done.
MARISHA: Come on. LAURA: 11. 16. 24. 27. TALIESIN: I'm feeling good now. LAURA: 29 points on the second arrow. MATT: Nice. So as those arrows (whooshes) sink into its body, more of its black, thick, syrupy-like blood slaps onto the ground, and where it hits, it seems to glow and then burn off. As it's bleeding onto the stone, its blood seems to be evaporating upon impact each time. It's looking pretty hurt. LAURA: Ooh. Oh. It has to make strength saving throws. I'm sure it will succeed. But if it rolls a one, maybe. MATT: No, that's a 25. LAURA: What about the second one? MATT: That's a 27. LAURA: Damn, all right. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: No, sorry. SAM: 80.
MATT: 28. LAURA: Oh. In that case. MATT: So the brambles are curling up, and it just kicks them off. (snapping, grunts) Awesome, that finishes your go. Scanlan, what are you doing?
SAM: Three things. One, I will heal Bertrand Bell. [laughter] Just because I want to see this. (laughter) I'll heal him. I'll heal him with an inspirational limerick. (clears throat) The cube never breaks, but it bends. And it loves being surrounded by friends. Look at all of these faces, it's a deck full of aces. All here to see how the tale ends. ALL: Aww. [cheering] MATT: All right. SAM: Then I will bonus action inspire Grog. [cheering] (to the tune of "Hound Dog")
♪ You ain't nothing but a dumb Grog ♪ ♪ Drinking all the time ♪ ♪ You ain't nothing but a dumb Grog ♪ ♪ Fucking all the time ♪
[clapping along] ♪ Well, you ain't got no self-control ♪ ♪ but you are the best friend of mine ♪ [cheering] And then Scanlan would like to take a bow, and just walk away. MATT: Which way? SAM: Out, and away. MATT: All right. It takes a reaction attack on you. SAM: (screams)
[laughter] I'll be okay.
MATT: That's 20 to hit. SAM: Oh yeah, of course that hits. MATT: You take... 29 points of bludgeoning damage. SAM: Thank you. I'm okay. MATT: All right, there you go, you're fine. SAM: My work here is done. MATT: Like-- (grunts) keeps walking. Keeps walking. All righty. That finishes that go. It's now the Em-- I'll let you know now. It's a Forgotten Empyrean. There you go. You figured it out by now, for some of you. It's going to go ahead and take its turn. It's going to turn around this way. Now that Grog has risen. A part of its magic has shifted, and it turns around, and it's going to go ahead and make two strikes against Trinket, Grog, and Bertrand. [groaning] With a natural one. [cheering] That is fucked up. I want to finish Bertrand so bad! Second one. That's better. That is a 33 to hit. LIAM: Jesus! MATT: So, Trinket.
LAURA: It's okay. MATT: Ooh, wow, okay. That's 38 points of bludgeoning damage, to Grog, to Bertrand, and to Trinket. LAURA: Trinket takes half bludgeoning damage because of his awesome armor. MATT: That's true. TRAVIS: How much was it, Matt? Sorry, how much? MATT: That ends the Empyrean's turn. TRAVIS: How much did you say it was? Sorry. LAURA: 38.
MATT: 38. SAM: Bertrand's dead again? [laughter] MATT: Is he? TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. MATT: So he hears the words. "Ha!" (impact) TRAVIS: I got you.
MATT: Out. TRAVIS: I'm so glad to be-- blargh. MATT: Grog. It's your turn. [cheering] MARISHA: Grog! TRAVIS: (as Grog) I don't really know what's been going on, but this amazing movie has been playing, and it's about time you all got here. Vox Machina, fuck shit up! [cheering] And I would like to rage! [cheering] With my bonus action, I will smash the Titanstone Knuckles together. MATT: Oh, shit. I forgot that mini. (laughs) It's been a while. But that's fine, you're already pretty big. You get the idea. TRAVIS: That's right. I'll make the first attack against him with my bloodaxe. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Not reckless. MATT: Okay.
[awwing] TRAVIS: Just give it a minute. [laughter] Natural 20. [cheering] MATT: Motherfucker. [loud cheering] SAM: Oh, if only Lieve could have seen this. TALIESIN: (laughs) LAURA: No! TRAVIS: That's three brutal criticals. SAM: Oh no. MARISHA: Oh shit. TRAVIS: Five, plus 14 is 19. d6. SAM: That's it. TRAVIS: 19. 24. 24. 24 doubled is 48. That's cocked. That's a two for 50. And that's 11 for 61. 61 plus... 66 points of damage. MATT: On one strike, all right. Next attack. TRAVIS: Next attack. Reckless.
MATT: Sure, go for it. [cheering] TRAVIS: Natural 20! MATT: No, no, no! [loud cheering] MATT: That's fucking ridiculous. [loud cheering] Look at that shit. Get some footage of that shit. AUDIENCE: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! AUDIENCE: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! TALIESIN: What the fuck? TALIESIN: (high-pitched cackle) TRAVIS: 28, 29, so 58. 58. TALIESIN: Oh my god. LIAM: That is a lot of make believe damage. [cheering] TRAVIS: 58, 77. TALIESIN: Oh my god. TRAVIS: 77 and 9 is... 86. [cheering] MATT: How do you want to do this? [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [cheering and screaming] [louder cheering and screaming] AUDIENCE: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! AUDIENCE: (chanting) Grog, Grog, Grog! TRAVIS: As I watch my comrades dealing incredible amounts of damage to this, I pull out my greataxe, and I swing just below his kneecap, cutting him down to one. I see his face come low and I'm like: No one fucks with Vox Machina. [cheering] MATT: As you jump up, the-- your form's, as big as it is, you're about half his size. After the first hit slams down, it doubles over and grabs its chest. Looks at you, its teeth clenching, what once pearly whites are now covered in black ichor. And as your axe swings up one more, with a single-- (whooshes) you watch as the head, and the winds just-- (whoosh) carry it away. SAM: (laughs)
[cheering] TRAVIS: Yeah! (yells) Oh my god. MATT: The body slowly begins to melt away, into an oil-like substance, but as it hits the stone, you watch it begin to burn brightly. Whatever this Forgotten Empyrean, created by a death god long dead, the predecessor to the Raven Queen, punishing its once half child, and then was itself destroyed, never to be able to retrieve the son it only meant to send here but a short time, driven mad, now sent off to the oblivion it's wanted for well over a millennia. Because it is fucking late, I'm
going to go pay the parking guy to leave it open. You gather your things, you gather your friends, the ones you've made, and the ones you've had along the way. SAM: And the dead guy. [laughter] MATT: You manage to hunt down that githzerai. LAURA: Oh god. SAM: Wait. Is the hunt for the githzerai another story to be told... MARISHA: Later?
MATT: Nah. SAM: On another day?
MATT: Nah. No. That was a couple of possibilities, depending on how things went tonight. But for the sake of brevity. LIAM: I'm also curious, Pike Trickfoot, do you have anything chambered, or is my one shot character gone for the ages? ASHLEY: I--I just don't know if I have anything. [laughter] No, I do, of course I do. MATT: Okay. Retrieving your components through an extensive, really infuriating conversation with a mad githzerai, you manage to gain as part of this trade, the equipment that he had taken. You port back to Vasselheim, Grog, restored, in tow, the mistake... erased, but forever lingering in the back of your heads. The Deck of Many Things was locked away in the platinum vault of Silver Talon Reach. [laughter] To not be left in the hands of someone like Grog ever again. MATT: So.
LAURA: And one arm of Percival will always be one inch shorter than the other. [laughter] SAM: I'm going to cast-- I'm going to cast Modify Memory. On Grog. And just convince him that the Deck of Many Things never existed. [awwing, cheering] And that this never happened. TRAVIS: Wait, this never happened!? LAURA: But he had such a good time. SAM: Okay. Just the killing part. [laughter] MATT: The best VR experience you ever had, Grog. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah! (laughter) I wish we had taken more time for this denouement, but its late, and we all have to get to our cars. Thank you for chilling with us. Guys. Thank you for coming to The Search for Grog. [cheering] We all love you very much. And is it Thursday yet? SAM: Matt Mercer, everybody! [cheering] LAURA: Once. [cheering]
MARISHA: Do a bow, do a bow. We always do bows. (fantastical music) [cheering] [cheering] [cheering] [cheering]
