Right now, it's
"The Best of Groucho." [THEME MUSIC] Here he is, the one, the only-- AUDIENCE: Groucho. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Well, here I am again with a
chance for each of our couples to win up to $10,000. And if any of them
say the secret word, the duck will fly down and
pay them an extra $100. This is the word right here. Who's first tonight for ...? Groucho, we have
Gladys Bentley and-- GROUCHO MARX: Who
has Gladys Bentley? We have Gladys Bentley. Since when am I your partner? [CHUCKLING] Miss Bentley is
waiting outside. Let's put it that way. And her partner is Onyago Ukano. And they're waiting
to talk to you. And I'm sure if we play our
cards right, they'll come in. [CHUCKLING] Welcome to "You
Bet Your Life." [APPLAUSE] That's one thing
about our show. You never see any unusual
people on our show. Welcome to "You Bet Your Life." Say the secret word, and
divide an extra $100. It's a common word, something
you find around the house. Gladys Bentley and, let's
see, Anna Gugu Okawana. Is that right? That's Onyago Elekwachi Ukano. Oh, well could
you break that down? It isn't that I
don't understand. It's just that I don't know
what you're talking about. Well-- Does your name
have any translation? Yeah. Yeah, now he's talking German. [CHUCKLING] See, Onyago means "a fighter." And Elekwachi means
"no procrastination, no waste of time," you know,
and Ukano, "a public speaker." GROUCHO MARX: Well, that clears
that up pretty well, huh? Now, what part of Nebraska
are you from, Anna Gugu? Well, I was born
at Ibere in Nigeria. From there, I moved to Aba. Could you tell us
something about Nigeria? Is that the way
you pronounce it? - Yeah, Nigeria.
- Nigeria, yeah? It's a country on the
West Coast of Africa-- GROUCHO MARX: Oh. --having a population of
about, oh, 35 million people. GROUCHO MARX: 35 million people? And I tell you,
the size of Nigeria is twice of that of Texas. GROUCHO MARX: [CHUCKLES]
It's twice as large as Texas? Yeah. GROUCHO MARX: I don't
care how big it is. You bet your life. GROUCHO MARX: Nothing is
twice as big as Texas. [CHUCKLING] I forgot to ask you, what
are you doing over here? Well, I come over here
to get my higher education. Well, you sound like you have
a pretty good education now. For one thing, it's a-- I believe that people in Africa
could be educated overnight. Well, could you describe your
home life, something briefly? Yeah, my father
has about four wives. GROUCHO MARX: Four wives? One for each season, is that-- Well, not that. [CHUCKLES] And many
children and servants running around the
place, you see. GROUCHO MARX: Mm-hmm. You say your father has four--
is that the legal limit, four? Well, in Nigeria, you
can have up to seven. Which do you prefer,
your way with seven wives, or our way with one wife? [CHUCKLES] Well, I think it's
just the same thing all over. GROUCHO MARX: Really? In Nigeria, we
marry seven at a time. And over here, you marry
seven, one at a time. [CHUCKLING] [APPLAUSE] Well, you see, over here, the
entire nation has been brought up on the installment plan. [CHUCKLING] And you're Gladys Bentley. Is that right?
- Yes. GROUCHO MARX: I'm sorry to
have neglected you, Gladys. But it isn't often we get a
charming lad from Guatemala. That's right. GROUCHO MARX: Now, where
are you from, Glad? I'm from Port of
Spain, Trinidad. Do you have a job, Gladys? Yes, I'm an entertainer. I sing and play for a
living in nightclubs all over the country. And I just finished a book
called "If This Be Sin." Well, what is it about? Is it about geometry or-- My life story. Life story. You're the Gladys Bentley. Yeah, that's right. GROUCHO MARX: I thought your
name sounded vaguely familiar. Gladys, how long have you
been singing in nightclubs around the country? Oh, about 40 years. What kind of
songs do you sing? Well, I do-- I make all kind of songs. GROUCHO MARX: Could you sing
something for us right now? Well, I have
about 500 at hand. What would you like to hear? Could you sing the whole 500? I don't care.
- If you've got time. Sing anything you'd like. What would you like to sing? I could do-- if you have
a small piano or something, I could do "Them There Eyes." Suppose we had a large piano. What could you do, eh? Well, I could do other-- maybe somebody else's eyes. [CHUCKLES] Well, NBC throws their
money around like glue. And we just happen to have
a portable piano backstage. George. What are you going
to sing, Gladys? Maybe the orchestra
could join in there. I'm going to try to do
"Them There Eyes" for you. GROUCHO MARX: "Them There Eyes." Watch that stool there, huh? I'm trying to do. [PLAYING PIANO] That would be something. [CHUCKLES] [PLAYING PIANO] (SINGING) Fell in love
with you the first time I looked into them there eyes. Got a cute little way of
flirting with them there eyes. They make me oh, so happy. They make me blue. Fallin', no stallin', in
a great big way for you. Jumpin', you started somethin'
with them there eyes. Watch out, brown
eyes, if you're wise. They sparkle. They bubble, get you in a whole
lot of trouble, yes, baby, them there eyes. [PLAYING PIANO] [CHUCKLING] [APPLAUSE] Fell in love with
you the first time I looked into them there eyes. Got a cute little way of
flirting with them there eyes. They make me oh, so happy. They make me blue. Fallin', no stallin', in
a great big way for you. GROUCHO MARX: Hit it, ol' gal! GLADYS BENTLEY:
Jumpin', you started somethin' with them there eyes.
GROUCHO MARX: Fine there, boys. Speed it up! Watch out, brown
eyes, if you're wise. Sparkle, bubble, get you
in a whole lot of trouble, yes, baby, them there eyes. Yes, baby, them there eyes. [APPLAUSE] Gentlemen, take the
piano away, will you? Gladys, that was very good. You sang "Them There
Eyes" so realistically I could see the contact lenses. [CHUCKLING] Well, you're certainly an
interesting and unusual couple. And I'd like to
continue talking. But the time has come for
you to win some money. So let's play "You
Bet Your Life." Now, you selected "Folk Tones-- Folk Tunes and
Old-Time Favorites." The orchestra will
play the tune. You tell me the name of it. If you miss two in
a row, you're out. If you get four in a row
right, you win $1,000. Remember, you're partners. And talk it over
before you answer. What is the name of
this old favorite? Play it, jack. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MURMURING] [MURMURING] "Alouette." GROUCHO MARX: "Alouette"?
- Yeah. GEORGE FENNEMAN: Yes.
GROUCHO MARX: Right. GEORGE FENNEMAN: You
have one right now. You had me worried
there for a minute. You know, this is not
in my line, you know? [CHUCKLES] Barbershop quartets like
to sing this next one. You name it. [MUSIC PLAYING] "My Bonnie Lies
Over the Ocean." GROUCHO MARX: "My Bonnie Lies
Over a Bar Room," that's right. Wonderful. GROUCHO MARX: All right, give
me the title of this one, Jack. [MUSIC PLAYING] [HUMMING] Something about Texas. Oh, the-- there's
something about Texas. Yeah, oh, Texas, yeah. "The Yellow Rose
of Texas," yeah. GEORGE FENNEMAN:
Yeah, you got it. Here's another
traditional song. Play it, boys. [MUSIC PLAYING] "Come Sit by My
Side, Little Darling." "Come Sit by My Side,
Little Darling?" (SINGING) Come and sit by
my side, little darling. GROUCHO MARX: No,
got all the words. That's a lot of words. [HUMMING] [HUMMING] - "The Old River Valley."
- (SINGING) And the-- [HUMMING] "Old River Valley,"
or something. GROUCHO MARX: What?
- "Red River Valley." "Red River Valley." "Red Liver Valley,"
you mean, huh? [CHUCKLING] And you got four in a
row, so you win $1,000. Did they win four in a row? GEORGE FENNEMAN: Yes. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Now, you've won $1,000. You can keep it and quit. Or else you can come back later
and try to double your money. You may even get a
chance at $10,000. So go over there and sit
down and think about it. And if we don't see you later,
thanks for being on the show. - Thank you.
- Thank you. Must come to the club. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Groucho, we have two
very special young guests who are waiting to come
out here now and meet you. They are Candy Bergen
and Melinda Marx. So girls, come out and
see Groucho, please. [APPLAUSE] Get a load of the
Cherry Sisters here. Candy Bergen and Melinda Marx. Now, which one is Candy Bergen? Oh, I'm Candy Bergen. GROUCHO MARX: Oh, and you
must be Melinda Marx, huh? Yes. Girls, if you say
this secret word, you know you split $100 with me. [CHUCKLING] Candy, it's nice to see you.
- Thank you. You're a beautiful girl. And so are you, Melinda. Now, I know all about you. But I'm sure our
listeners don't. So would you tell the audience
what your father does? He's not doing
anything right now. [CHUCKLING] Who is he? What is your father's name? Edgar Bergen. [APPLAUSE] GROUCHO MARX: Your
father is Edgar Bergen, the Swedish Nightingale? Yes. Oh, well, then your brothers
must be Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd, huh? That's right. [CHUCKLING] Melinda, if I'm correct--
now correct me if I'm wrong-- you're 15 years old. Is that right? Daddy, you know
I'm 11 and 1/2. How old are you, Candy? I'm 11 and 1/2. Copy cat. How is it you're
both the same age, and your father's Edgar
Bergen, and Melinda's father is Groucho Marx? Well, that's life, I guess. [CHUCKLING] [APPLAUSE] Candy, you're almost
12 now, aren't you? Have you given any
thought to the future? I mean, what are
some of your plans? Oh, well I'd like to
be a dress designer. GROUCHO MARX: You going to
embark on a theatrical career? Oh, yes, I'd like to do that. And then I'd like to
be a dress designer. You do dancing, too? Oh, I take modern dance. GROUCHO MARX: Mm-hmm. And what can you do? Well, I can sing. GROUCHO MARX: You sing? In that case, Candy,
Melinda, and I will sing a song that we've
been carefully rehearsing for the past three weeks. [CHUCKLING] Now, Mr. Meakin, would you
mind giving us a start here? [MUSIC PLAYING] Now, get together
and sway and smile. Go. (SINGING) Won't you
play a simple melody, like my mother sang to me? One with good
old-fashioned harmony. Play a simple melody. (SINGING) Musical
demon, set your honey a-dreamin', won't
you play me some rag? --melody-- Just like a beautiful rag-- --like my mother-- --is like a beautiful drag. If you will play from a copy
of a tune that is choppy you'll get all my applause. --harmony-- And that is simply
because, my honey baby's simply crazy about rag. --melody. [APPLAUSE] Now, this is the
reason Candy and Melinda are on the show tonight. They've been after
me for a long time to give them a chance to win
some money for the Girl Scouts. And just to make sure
they win some money, I'm going to ask George
Fenneman, who also has seven kids of his own-- [CHUCKLING] --I'm going to let
him ask the questions. And I'll join the
girls in the quiz. Are you ready, George? Yes, I am, Groucho. May I offer you my seat? Oh, all right. I may need it later.
But-- I think I'm
going to enjoy this because we have a little
surprise for you, Groucho. GROUCHO MARX: You have, eh? Yes, we're not going to
use the category you studied. [CHUCKLING] As a matter of fact-- I've been double-crossed. GEORGE FENNEMAN: Wait
till you hear the rest. We went to the Beverly
Hills school superintendent. And together with
these people, we prepared a test taken
from the sixth grade, in other words, questions that
any sixth-grader can answer. And I have them right here. I don't know how long
I'll have my job. GROUCHO MARX: But just a moment.
I only went to the third grade. I can't answer these questions. CANDY BERGEN: Neither can we. You need any help, you think? Your father is
out here, isn't he? Yes, he is. Edgar? [CHUCKLING] Edgar Bergen? EDGAR BERGEN: Yes. [APPLAUSE] GROUCHO MARX: Another one? Edgar, what class did
you go to in school? Well, when I got into college,
I had a little trouble there. I was in summer school
most of the time to get reinstated for the fall term. You went as far as college? Yeah. I'll let you handle
this by yourself, you and the girls, huh? Are you ready?
Are you set? - Are you ready?
- Yeah. GEORGE FENNEMAN: All
right, here's number one. - Are you ready?
- Go ahead, Candy. Go ahead, go ahead. You, too, are you ready? Nope.
[CHUCKLES] GEORGE FENNEMAN: And
here's the question. OK. The Egyptians invented a
means of writing by picture. What is it called? Now, which
Egyptians are these? GEORGE FENNEMAN: Why don't you-- Are these the old Egyptians? Why don't you talk it
over among yourselves there? Let's talk it over. Well, what are
you doing later on? [CHUCKLING] Would you mind
repeating the question? [CHUCKLING] The Egyptians invented a
means of writing by picture. You got it, have you? Yeah. - Well, what is it?
- Hieroglyphics? GEORGE FENNEMAN: That's right. You have one right. [APPLAUSE] Who was the King of Babylonia,
famous for his code of law? Babylonia, isn't that what
hangs in a delicatessen window? No, no. [CHUCKLING]
GROUCHO MARX: What is it? EDGAR BERGEN (THROWING HIS
VOICE): He's very good. All right, now. [LAUGHTER] EDGAR BERGEN (THROWING HIS
VOICE): You're laying an egg. All right. [LAUGHTER] I wish I'd brought him tonight. Can't you call him? I brought Mortimer, I think. Well, now what
was the question? I've even forgotten it. GROUCHO MARX: Yeah. Who was the-- GROUCHO MARX: Something
about hieroglyphics, you see. No, no, that-- you've already gotten that. Who was the great
King of Babylonia, famous for his code of laws? Oh. [MURMURING] Yeah. Don't look at me. [MURMURING] Was is it Jerry Giesler? [CHUCKLING] GEORGE FENNEMAN: I'm sorry. The answer was Hammurabi. MELINDA MARX: Yeah.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Hammaraba? Hammurabi. GEORGE FENNEMAN: Hammurabi. You should have known that. You went to college. I haven't read the
paper for three days. I don't know. [CHUCKLING] All right, now
we have one wrong. Don't get the next one wrong,
or you're out of the game. And here's the next question. Well, now that
we know the answer, can we have that same
question over again? [CHUCKLING] Who was the famous Greek known
as the "Father of Medicine"? Parkyakarkus. [CHUCKLING] GEORGE FENNEMAN: I don't think
you have the proper spirit there. [MURMURING] Spell it. Oh, H-O-I-- Listen, we've talked it over. None of us care
for that question. Could you-- [CHUCKLING] Could you give us one
that has a likelihood of us asking-- answering it? You didn't like that question? GROUCHO MARX: I
didn't care for it. Hypocrite, something like-- Hypocrisy. GEORGE FENNEMAN:
You're very close. Yeah, Hypocrisy. GEORGE FENNEMAN: Well,
that's nice, but-- Hippocisy.
Hippocithy. GEORGE FENNEMAN: Huh? Hippo-- yeah. MELINDA MARX: Hippocisy.
Hippocrisy. Hippocrathese.
GEORGE FENNEMAN: Hippocrates. - Oh.
- Ha, whew. Is that right? What do you call the imaginary
lines which circle the globe parallel to the Equator? That go this way? The ones that--
no. Parallel? Parallel to the Equator. - Oh, latitude.
- The latitude. You're right, latitude. You now have three right. PRODUCER: No, it's two.
AUDIENCE: Two. - Oh, they have two right.
- No, they got three. - Two.
- Well-- They got three.
They had one before. - Four.
- Four. You say two.
I'll say three. But I'm going to be
on the show again. You know that? [CHUCKLING] Maybe. Maybe. You have--
- They got three right. They had one before, and
they got this one right. That makes three. You now have-- [CHUCKLING] AUDIENCE: Three. You have two right. Two and one is three. [CHUCKLING] [APPLAUSE] All right, you have two right. I had no idea this
show is this crooked. [CHUCKLING] I'm looking at it from
a different viewpoint entirely now. You want to play
the game with me here? EDGAR BERGEN: Yeah. How many degrees in a circle? 360.
No. PRODUCER: That's-- it is.
- Yeah, 360. Yeah, you're right. You now have three right. How is it you get
such lousy report cards? [CHUCKLING] According to legend-- GROUCHO MARX: Wait a minute. How many we got right?
MELINDA MARX: Three. - Three.
- Three, yeah? - One more!
- You're almost there. - Give us an easy one.
- A third time. - This is as easy--
- You're almost there, too. This is easy. According to the legend-- Hippocrates. Ooh, no. Who were the twin boys
who founded the city-- Romulus and Romus. I didn't even
say the question. You're right. CANDY BERGEN: Romulus and Remus. And Remus, yes. Four in a row.
[APPLAUSE] GROUCHO MARX: Yes. [MUSIC PLAYING] Wonderful. I know. It's all right. You've gotten four in a row. And you got $1,000 for the
Girl Scouts, haven't you? And would you please
take your chair back now? It was a tight--
a tough struggle, eh? EDGAR BERGEN: Come
with me, children. Thanks, Edgar. EDGAR BERGEN: Thanks, Groucho. [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING] Now, Groucho, Barbara
Babbs and DeVon Smith are waiting to talk to you. So float you in, please,
and meet Groucho Marx. Welcome to "You
Bet Your Life." Say the secret word, and
divide an extra $100. It's a common word, something
you find around the house. Barbara Babbs, eh,
and DeVon Smith, huh? DeVon Smith. DeVon Smith? Yes, sir. Well, that's an intriguing
uniform you're wearing, Mr. Smith. Which branch of the-- branch of the
service are you in? Are you a frogman, or
are you a man frog? This is my uniform I
wear for hitchhiking. It helped me get rides. [CHUCKLING] Well, I should think
it would help you to get rides, probably in a squad car. You say you're a hitchhiker? And this outfit
helps you get rides? In what way? Yes, sir. Well, a lot of people are
afraid to pick up hitchhikers. And wearing this uniform,
I'm so obvious that they figure I must be all right. GROUCHO MARX: Well, if I were
driving along, and I saw you, I'd get out of my car
and sell it immediately. Now what do all
those signs mean? I see you've got them
plastered all over you here. Yes, sir. These are patches from different
cities and states and countries that I've been to
all over the world. GROUCHO MARX: Uh-huh. Are there any more
around the other side? Well, there's the-- this here, back on the back. GROUCHO MARX: "World's Champion
Hitchhiker"-- that's you, eh? Yes, sir. GROUCHO MARX: Is this true? It's unofficial.
Well, GROUCHO MARX: You can
turn around now, you know. Thank you. Either that, or I'll have
to have the whole audience turn around the other way. It's unofficial, but
I've never run into anyone with more mileage than I have. GROUCHO MARX: Well, do
you have a speedometer on you or something? I have a pedometer. It tells how far I walked. How many miles have you
gone, I mean, over the years? 140,000 miles in 13 months,
actual traveling time. GROUCHO MARX: Well, you
certainly look like the World's Champion Hitchhiker. I should think you'd
be all thumbs, Tom. And you're Barbara Babbs? Yes, my friends
call me Babs Babbs. GROUCHO MARX: Babs Babbs. You can call me
Babs Babbs, too. GROUCHO MARX: Well, what
kind of a name is Babs Babbs? Where are you from?
- Well, Babs-- GROUCHO MARX: Where are
you from, Babs Babbs? Where am I from originally? GROUCHO MARX: Yeah. I was born in
Beverly Hills and went to school in Beverly Hills. And I'm living in Santa Ana. GROUCHO MARX: You
live in Santa Ana? Yes. GROUCHO MARX:
That's an Airborne-- and Air Force base, isn't it? - Two Air Force bases.
- How old are you? I'm 21.
GROUCHO MARX: 21. Well, you're very attractive. Do you have a job? No, I quit about a month ago. You retired at the age of 21? That's quite a trick. What kind of a job did you have? Were you a cashier in a bank? No. I was secretary for the
National Advertising Department of the "Santa Ana Register." GROUCHO MARX: Are you married? No, I'm getting
married Saturday. GROUCHO MARX: Not till Saturday? Well, what's holding you up? You, are you married? No, sir. Do you have any
plans for marriage? No, if I got married,
then I wouldn't be able to travel around. Well, being on the
road all the time, I imagine you must have held
some unusual jobs, haven't you? Yes, sir. I was-- I set up pins
in a bowling alley once. And, yeah, that come
to an end because of the automation come in. And that put me
out of a job there. Well, automation has ruined
many a brilliant career, champ. What else have you done? Well, once I was a
grave digger for a while. That's more like it. What happened to that job? Somebody steal your shovel? No, it was a small town,
and business was slow. [CHUCKLING] You just have to
be patient, you know? That's a very interesting story. I like the plot. [CHUCKLING] Well, you're a
nice young couple. And I'm sure you're much more
interested in winning money than you are in shaving,
or in gabbing with me. So let's play "You
Bet Your Life." Now, this ought to
be very easy for you. You've selected
"Cities and Small Towns of the United States." If you miss two in
a row, you're out. And if you get four in a
row right, you win $1,000. In what state are these
places, Winnemucca, Tonopah, Elko, and Goldfield? [WHISPERING] Nevada.
GROUCHO MARX: Right. GEORGE FENNEMAN:
That's one right. Now then, here are
the cities and towns. Tell me the state they're in-- Orange City, Storm Lake,
Waterloo, and Grundy Center. Iowa. That's right, Iowa. I played Waterloo. That's where I met my--
- What's your Waterloo. Waterloo. You now have two right. Get the next two right,
and you'll have $1,000. Holland, Flint,
Ludington, and White Cloud. What's the state? Michigan. GROUCHO MARX: That's
right, Michigan. GEORGE FENNEMAN:
You're almost there. Get the next one
right, and you'll have your thousand dollars. What state are these in-- Plentywood, Big Timber,
Helena, and Cut Bank? - Montana.
- Right. Got four in a row. You win $1,000. [SQUEALS] [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] Congratulations. Thank you. Wait a minute. Now, you've won $1,000. Now, you can keep it and quit. Or else you can come back
at the end of the show and try to double your money. You may even get a
chance at $10,000. So go over there and sit
down and think about it. And no matter what
you decide to do, thanks for being on the show. Thank you much. GROUCHO MARX: Have a good day. [MUSIC PLAYING] [APPLAUSE] And now in just
a few seconds we'll find out who's going to try
for the big money tonight. George, what's the
news on the couples? Well, first of all,
Barbara Babbs and DeVon Smith are coming back. You've won $1,000 so far. If you decide to try for
the $10 and you fail, you wind up with
a total of $500. Now, what are you going to do? Not me.
GROUCHO MARX: Not you? No. GROUCHO MARX: How about you? No, I believe
I'll keep the $500. I could travel a lot of miles
on that amount of money. You wouldn't use
your thumb anymore? Oh, well, I hitchhike anyway. But it costs you a little bit
to eat when you're on the road. Or-- Yeah, well, that's
your privilege. Congratulations. And thanks for being on the
show "You Bet Your Life." [APPLAUSE] George, what about
the next couple? Gladys Bentley
and Onyago Ukano. Now, you've won $1,000. If you decide to try for
the $10 and you fail, you wind up with
a total of $500. Now, what are you going to do? I don't want no
part of that wheel. GROUCHO MARX: You
want to try the wheel? I don't want no
part of that wheel. GROUCHO MARX: You don't want
any part of that wheel, eh? No part of it. [CHUCKLING] No part of it. And Mr. Okana,
what is your plan? Groucho, I just
come to say goodbye. [CHUCKLING] [APPLAUSE] Well, that's your privilege. Congratulations for
winning the $1,000. And thanks for being on the
show "You Bet Your Life." [APPLAUSE] [MUSIC PLAYING] [THEME MUSIC] GEORGE FENNEMAN: When
they're ready for college, will college be ready for them? Their future depends
on what we do today. Help the college
of your choice now. [AUDIO LOGO]
