Become Irresistible in YOUR Relationship! (Here’s How)

a lot of times where we struggle as women is a man wants us to come under him but he doesn't have anything for us to submit to when that when he ha when man has vision and he has purpose then he has something for the woman to submit under okay a lot of times the man hasn't developed and figure out what his purpose is in life so she has nothing to submit to and then when he discover it she's like whoa whoa that's not what i agreed to that's not what i signed up for whoa yo what's going on family boy anthony o'neil and today you were at the table with your boy but i have some special guests with me today uh we have my good friends keisha and marvin richardson they are the founders of the road to becoming one not two i'm talking about oh no is that right is uno right yes yeah yeah there we go and here is where they add value to pursuit of successful successful relationships um and oneness when it comes to marriage and what i love about this couple you guys is they specialize really in people who've been divorced and who are single again and they're ready to get back into the relationship world and so i'm excited to have them at the table and then y'all there's no secret to who this woman is uh sitting next to me for those of you all who are watching this on youtube uh but for podcasts that's my sister she's become a dear friend of mine it's just sent what guamala hey did i say it right well molly yeah yes i got it right she is um a character herself uh if you listen to her podcast if you watched our youtube show in the past she's gonna have you rolling uh but most importantly she is a licensed marriage and family therapist uh born in uganda yes uh but raised in las vegas she paid off over 90 000 in student loan and credit card debt before her 30th birthday um and recently my sister is recently married whoo i'm married it's exciting it's it's like great this is going to be a great conversation great great conversation great conversation so you guys we have 28 minutes on this this show so we're going to dive straight in to it all right so keisha uh and marvin uh you all talk about marriage and oneness and so i have a lot of young people who are watching this show when they hear the word oneness they're like okay wait what do you mean by oneness like are we literally one do i have to do everything he says or what she says like define what does the word oneness mean to you all okay i'll start yes all right so for those that know the bible says for this purpose a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and they shall become one okay flesh okay easier said than done because yes you're one you're supposed to be one but you're two people two different dynamics two different thought processes so you actually have to start the process of becoming one you're just not one automatically um and so oneness is deciding to be intentional about being a team yeah so we're team richardson not team marvin team keisha it's team richardson yeah so that's the process of starting it a part of me still thinks that you all are one and flesh cause brother like you are so close to your wife right now i'm like can you breathe you know uh for those of you all watching on youtube listen y'all they were like on the opposite sides of the table and my man was like yo uh baby i'm getting closer let me get closer because we all won uh but i love the energy there do people fight back when it comes to that you know like one the process of how to come from me separate her separate to now becoming one when it comes to that relationship um i think people do you know fight that battle it's just like anything else and especially when you know with us being married again okay so when you look at most people think about blended families we're blending they're separate families separate fathers separate mothers and we're trying to blend that but in a second marriage is a blending of finances there's a blending of households you actually became single and you found your identity again yeah and now here you are trying to figure out how do i share who i become now as an individual with someone else so it kind of gets kind of tricky than that i'm like oh wait a minute i need my independence single woman independent i don't need a man that's just kind of the way the the culture has made us believe but when we look at it from a biblical standpoint if we actually come under our husband and he has oh wait wait wait wait you said right now [Music] did you just say when we become married and we come under yes your husband i didn't say that i did not say that blame the wife he didn't just either huh you didn't prep her either i did not did i prepping to say that let's talk about it let's live right now okay a minute doctor i'm gonna need your input on this um okay let me calm down okay come down so you're a woman and you said that break that down because i bet you some ladies looking at you like what the beep beep did she just say well i think the issue is a lot of times where we struggle as women is a man wants us to come under him but he doesn't have anything for us to submit to oh oh can you do a phone drop mic drop that i mean okay keep going keep going i know when there is a war when man has vision and he has purpose then he has something for the woman to submit under okay a lot of times men and women are getting married before the appropriate time the man has to develop and figure out what his purpose is in life so she has nothing to submit to and then when he discover it she's like whoa whoa that's not what i agreed to that's not what i signed up for whoa so it has to be order when it comes to relationships and becoming um so focused on oh i just want to be married i don't want to be alone because you can get married and still be alone yeah yeah yeah and just to add to that you can't follow a parked car and like you know oh man you know you know like the same back in the day oh we go together um where are we going oh like sure do you know where you're going do you know what your trajectory is five years from now and so you know you have a wife that wants to follow you she's supposed to multiply add and help you duplicate yeah but if you don't have anything to put in production for her to take yeah where y'all going so a lot of things just happened here yeah and i'm looking at you i'm taking it all in yeah taking it all in you're looking at me why i mean cause you just recently got married you know uh last year and um how does this make you feel hearing that because you also are married again as well um newlywed how does that make you feel i everything they're saying i'm like more people need to hear this stuff i you know i think that as there's me as a therapist and there's me as a human yeah yeah and so there's those are kind of two different worlds cause i put my therapy hat on and i see things differently and then i have emotions as a human and that can override the logical part of myself so what was happening and what i'm seeing is when you go from being individuals to being one right as soon as you ask them a question they look to each other and they're a team and figuring out how are we moving so it's like going from riding a bike by yourself to learning how to ride a bike in tandem i don't know if anybody's been on a tandem bike i was following one the other day in my car and did it look easy or did it look challenging it looked very challenging because they were literally in sync but me i would be like just going and like trying to hurry up but they was literally like at the same pace and i'm like see that as a single person that is something that i'm currently working on on really prepping myself to become one with someone else yes that's where people i don't i don't think i want to say fall short that's where people cut themselves short because they don't use the time where they're single to prepare absolutely for the oneness there are things that you're supposed there let me not say supposed to there are things that you can do while you're single so that when you do become one it's easier absolutely no it's not easy it's easier okay all right there's okay but you prepare in order to go into that union more whole with more information with more knowledge with more um of a sense of who you are so you don't get lost within the relationship because what people don't talk about is that there's with every joyous occasion there's also a certain level of loss yeah yeah so what people don't realize and we don't talk about which i'm sure is what happens why people feel so connected to y'all is because you're talking about things that nobody else wants to talk about stuff that's kind of deemed like you know taboo or no one cares about divorces or you know what i mean like it's like being a washed up boy band or something like that and so you're talking about these things that really matter to a great proportion of society you know unfortunately a lot of people have gone through you know being uh married and then unfortunately having to to uh leave that marriage or for it to end and then figure out okay what do i do now which direction do i go and those who spend the time as a single person preparing are at a higher rate of success yeah whether they get back with get with somebody or not they're at a higher rate of success is that satisfaction and being fulfilled but those who don't use their time to prepare while they're single struggle more that's when you get on the bike and the bike isn't going anywhere or you you're like you guys are going forward and back it's really difficult so i think that what they said and the idea now everyone has to decide what how they see relationships and each other's roles but people also don't blatantly have those conversations either so we think we're coming together with the same idea but if we never talked about certain things we we make a decision and then we realized later that we weren't ever on the same page and so i think that there are so many conversations that need to be had that people are skipping don't even recognize or realize they should be having and that's why we have to just talk about this stuff more it takes energy though it's not it's not what are some of those conversations that should be had though i'm glad you answered that so it's like you know when the relationship comes there's a level of mechanics that you got to be prepared for yeah so when those moments come where you did not expect it it's like going from basic math to calculus if you didn't prepare your basic math when it's a calculus moment in the relationship you said you're still trying to count one two three and then like wait a minute you need to find x you need to find come on bro how did we like how did you get here and so now you have a person who's used to accustomed to peddling a certain speed yeah and another person is still just trying to get their feet on the pelvis yeah yeah yeah yeah and so um when you're not preparing then you had those moments then there's that level of friction but there's a lot of conversations that need to be had yeah once you become single again who am i when you start dating again why do i want to date do i want to get married if you get a relationship well what does that even look like and then when the difficult times come cause they will come how are you gonna handle that how are we gonna handle that as a couple you know at some point there needs to be okay we're gonna go we're going into a cycle so now let's pause before we turn this cycle into something major that we really don't need to do who should in this generation in this generation okay uh i'm gonna say in this generation i'm gonna say in these days and times because i see this in all age brackets and i think we as men so correct me you're the expert here i'm guessing i'm the money guy and success guy i'm not the relationship guy uh but people love coming to me and they love when i talk about relationship stuff so let's go there okay in today's day and time i'm seeing more of our women ladies being the strong independent i don't need a man i'ma go build everything on my own and when i come to the table i'm coming to the table just as strong as you or even better than you and a part of me i don't and i'm gonna be real a part of me as a single person i don't mind that but sometimes those ladies make me feel like i'm not the man when i come to the table because it's like i don't need you and and i feel as if i do need my wife no i don't need my girlfriend but i do need my wife and my wife shouldn't need her husband yes where am i what's going on because like am i am i wrong to say that i think and i think the part of that comes from because men and i'm gonna go deep here correct me if i'm wrong bro all right okay i'm counting on you bro i'm counting on you it's it's brewing it is tell me you're wrong okay as a matter of fact if you're listening to this and if you're watching this on youtube comment below let me know if i'm wrong because i think i'm going deep here i'm gonna go deep going deep i'm gonna go deep i'm putting my goggles on when it comes to the minority culture i think men we have failed our sisters we have not stepped up to the plate we have not been a provider we have not been a protector and when i say protect i'm a protector of her emotions a protector of the family and so it's like ladies have had to step up we've and it's not just black people not just minorities but even men sometimes when if you have intimacy before marriage who's normally raising up the child the woman yes so the woman's having to work provide protect and do all that while men are out here just having a good time so i'm like a part of that is on us but then like a part of it's not on us so speak into that like why are you laughing like what who's wrong who's right like what what's going on here we go oh lord here we go um you touched on so much so i'm gonna try to get them all um first i would say we're equal in value we're different in function okay but wait equal in value different function okay so to kind of combat the thought of when our sisters look at us from a state a place of i have made more than you i've done more than you i've accomplished more than you we're equal in value different in function and so whereas you may be able to capture certain things a lot faster i'm able to take that i'm able to do what i do differently from what you do so you don't ask you don't have to compare how you do it from how i do it because women they have about 15 to 20 000 words and then we have about 2 000. so the way that we can the way that they talk in paragraphs we talking sentences right it's like what do you want to eat right chicken that's it babe what you want to eat i don't know i'm thinking about this and thinking about that you go around the whole rapido [Music] but yes as brothers or as men we have failed and i can go into the whole cultural aspect slavery aspect the implications of that yes i get that but this is 2020. glenn yes um and to some extent we are without excuse come on and so we can't use the way that we've come up as the benchmark of how we conduct ourselves in our present yeah just because my uncle did this so because of the men around me did certain things i'm supposed to follow that right uh that path that they've created no you're supposed to create your own path you're supposed to become who you're supposed to become and then to get preach not to get preachy but the bible says to love your wife as christ loved the church come on so if there's a level of dying that you're not willing to do come on bro i don't deserve her come on bro because we are called to die yeah yeah like and so yes this is where we have fallen this is where we have missed it and then some of it is because we haven't been taught right and that's not a scapegoat but we haven't been taught like who is teaching men how to be husbands right who's teaching men how to be leaders let me tell you who's teaching them our mothers because so here's another statement no shade to the ladies but mothers have to be careful that they don't raise their daughters and love their sons oh he said a whole whole word that's a whole word because yes you know you know oh ray ray michael j whatever his name is you know love him that's my baby that's my baby you let him play playstation all day long right daughter do your homework get a job make sure you don't have to depend on a man for a b c d and e so then they grow up with this programming so by the time the man comes i don't need you my thing is i don't want you to need me i need you to want me if you want me i will give you the world but if it goes into this need-based relationship i don't need you i just make i mean it's basically emasculating a man before his very eyes so before we let your wife and just sit talk give me what are the top three functions men play or men should play so if you're single what are the three things you need to be working on as a single man and then i'm gonna come to you all ladies when y'all come try and try and come for us um i'm gonna ask y'all after y'all try uh to give us three things but what are three things that men should be doing period i'll give you three p's yeah participate provide and protect that was quick for me to participate you have to be emotionally present yeah you got to be mentally present yeah you got to be self-aware yeah and you have to have you have to be able to have the landscape of what's going on in your world and in her world the only way you do this you participate what are you doing yeah yeah you know how you feeling emotionally i asked my sons this how's your heart because i need to know if i know that something is not something is off with your heart then i know how to address that yeah yeah okay provide we need a job yeah men don't work a man don't eat yes come on man come on it doesn't get any clearer than that right right um and protect yeah you got to be willing to die for her yeah and not just die like okay almost jump in front of a bridge but die to your flaws die to you your way die too but i think it's peace is supposed to be like this right but your wife oftentimes in bro in the bible in the proverbs they always refer to the feminine as wisdom ma'am she will she will you know so yeah i'm a single man and so i'm waiting until i get married to do it the right way but i was reading this book called for women for men only and in there they said something similar to you and said man if you are looking for intimacy in your marriage when you participate that is a quicker way to getting there because now you're making her feel like she's involved and she cares and it will open up more so like what you just dropped was that was some good nuggets for the married people if if things are going wrong participate ladies ladies i mean y'all making faces over there you know what what's what's on your mind who's gonna talk first cause y'all looking at each other like wait where do we go how do we do this what wait was so go ahead um so i'll go back to where you talked about you know what marvin mentioned about the whole how we are raising our daughters one way and our boys another way yeah yeah because boy is supposed to be the head of the household me is supposed to be the head of the household oh my gosh all the time and i have a son and my you know one of the clan complaints even my daughter's like well i feel like you get away with a lot more than i do because we're teaching our daughters to cook to clean we're teaching them all how to go be a good go-getter make sure you get an education make sure you don't have to depend on anyone but our sons it's like we're wanting to protect them from everything yeah instead of teaching them the same skill sets that we should be that we're we're so hard on our daughters yeah and i don't know if that's more of a generational cultural type thing yeah that we want our girls to be strong yeah and a lot of times it comes from single mother households or the women in the household so like they had to do everything and they didn't have the support of the man so we t we're engraving these things into our daughters but it should be changed around because then when a man come in a relationship like well what does she need me for right right you know but we do need the man we have to realize that as women we are helpers we're a help mates we're to help him birth what god has already put inside of him and not to take away from his role um and we have to also recognize our strengths i may be stronger in the financial aspect that doesn't mean that i run the finances of my home we have to still come into an agreement to that but recognize that i have a strength there and so i think we begin to want to dominate um in our different areas and not realize okay this person is on the same team come on and so in our single season we have to really um embrace that season we look at it oh it's a single season but seasons change the problem is we don't know how long that season is going to last so we try to rush the season come on like while i don't be in this season why what have you done in this season that's gonna prepare you for the next season that you're trying to go into um just said um wow she said men are the head of the house do you agree with that i do agree for real y'all was ready for for us to do a death by a thousand cuts but i i agree with everything that was said personally i just didn't think you would agree with that because you are you are a strong-minded woman but you can be both i think what happens is that i don't know if it's societal or cultural kind of norms what not that you know we assume that strong and independent can't also be submissive because in the world who hunts among lions come on girl come on girl listen come on lioness okay okay so the lioness goes out and hunts and then she comes back but so to me it looks it i guess would look one way in in my situation right where i come across or people see me as a strong independent woman which i am incapable of doing which i think personally as a woman was helpful for me to feel whole individually so that when i go into a relationship i don't have to attach my sense of self to another person and but when i do in my relationship i submit to my partner like i he's he's the one leading the household even if if in a situation where let's say a woman makes more than a man to me the man can still cover all of the household whatever whatever and the woman's what i still i think that there's nothing wrong with coming up under a man however a woman is not going to want to support or come up under somebody who's not taking her anywhere which was already mentioned and so it doesn't what wasn't said was that the guy has to be a millionaire or they have to be super accomplished but they have to have this this and that it's just that they need to have vision and purpose and be making progress toward that vision and purpose for a woman to say okay i'll sign on because women give themselves completely unfortunately so many women give themselves to people who hmm oh oh i'm trying to think how to say this so you know unfortunately women will give themselves completely to somebody who hasn't shown them that they're willing to participate and provide and protect and then because that situation ends up so messed up yeah they have all this healing that they need to do in their single season before they go back into being in a relationship but people waste time in the single season and then they start getting into relationships that look like a carousel that's why the person changes but the relationship or the situation stays the same and so that's why i think it's really important to be able to have you know a sarah program to get into to utilize a coach mentor counselor maybe all of them because you might need it um there's a lot of levels there's generational trauma there's you know people that experience their own trauma and hurts and hang-ups and so i think that i agree with everything that was said but i also think it's necessary that we make note that it has to be collective and community-based that we help people get out of this so what we said was where are we getting this information from we now america is a rugged individualistic society which there's nothing wrong with right right but to me no one gets made by themselves it took two humans and then one divine being so in it takes a village isn't just for children you know it takes a village for relationships to thrive it takes a village to support you know new mothers it takes a village to support men and so as a woman as a black woman knowing consciously the the turmoil and the trauma that black men have gone through to me it's my job even if it's a man i don't know a black man i don't know or a man of color or whatever my goal is to support and send love and healing and joy energetically for that person even if it's not my spouse not in a romantic way but because i understand that person's plight that if i see somebody i'm gonna smile and nod and say hello how are you doing because it's our responsibility collectively to support each other so you all thought we was coming for you but it's our job as women to say you know what good job taking time to reflect and heal and grow as a black man trying to be a good black husband to whoever comes to you know whoever comes to you right let that be blessed i receive it and the thing about it is you have to realize with black women or even just women in general is that we are brought up to be strong independent that doesn't mean we want to be oh we most of the times we don't have a choice yeah yeah so we come off as this strong independent i don't need a man it's because i don't have any other options but i don't really want to have to be in this role all the time i want a man who can support me and help me to drive me to live out my visions as well but my job is in the marriage is to help him build his vision and birth his vision and come alongside of him so i think the stigma is oh women just want to be independent they don't need me and all these different things and the reality is we don't really want to have to be that strong independent woman yeah all the time i think essentially right again coming up under a man yeah wonderful i think it's necessary you have to give a woman a reason to want to come up under you and to take her hat off because some women don't want to be strong independent but some do enjoy it i enjoy the grind i enjoy the hustle i enjoy being able to dominate in my work but that doesn't mean i want to do that all the time i don't want to go home and have to do that in the household as well so i think a man that can help a woman or show a woman that she has reason to be able to take her hat off and still feel secure because that's what women like and need is stability and security um then she in the right context will give her all will be able to die for the man as well so there's a cuss word in the relationship world that uh why do you say oh boy there there is a word that every time i bring it up um i get a lot of negative feedback and i'm okay with that because for me and my brand i really want to help people be successful when it comes to their money and when it comes to their life in general and a part of their life and money is in relationships and in relationships i believe there has to be submission absolutely and but i think a lot of people when they hear me say i think wives submitting to your husband is important but i also believe that men submitting back to your wives as well is important so let's talk about that for a little bit and then don't get it twisted i'm gonna come back to you all about this whole what are the three functions a woman should play um just so i want to give them some practical things that single people can start practicing and working on now but ladies and we've already identified you two are different all right so but i want y'all to think from the viewer and the listener right now why does the word submission come off wrong and how should we all of us look at that word better i think oftentimes we look at the word submission we think control mm-hmm because a lot of times you have some men who use it as a control mechanism true and so if we recognize what the word submission means you know as i mentioned previously stated it was when you're thinking about submission i have to have something to submit under yeah if you don't have a vision or a purpose what am i submitting to yeah so we look at the word submission like oh i can control you and you're going to do this and you're going to do that because that's what i said don't ask me any questions but i don't really think that's what submission is all about it's all about submitting to the vision and the purpose of a man not submit it's meant into the control of the man so the man doesn't want to swallow his pride and kill his flesh in that process and that journey of understanding what submission truly means yeah yeah i love it yeah the word's been weaponized essentially yeah and it's been weaponized to be used against people and i think when every relationship is different so when two people can come to the table and have a conversation about how they want this specific relationship to look then there can be clarity and understanding what that means between those two people so we can't sign on to being in a relationship and it looked like cindy and john's or signed on to be in a relationship and it looks like bob and you know sarah we need to sign on to a relationship that we have designed with god in mind for us and what happens is people just try to come up together and put a relationship together from unfortunately the scraps or the pieces that they see on tv or from what they are on instagram or you know unfortunately not a lot of people have good representations of what a successful relationship looks like and i think that in order to be successful in a couple i personally think that people a couple should have couple mentors wow for a couple coaches great right so no successful person whether it's in business or personally or whatever doesn't have support doesn't have a road map or a blueprint to help them get to that place and so what i think is necessary because to me collectivistic right i'm from africa so i always think community yeah um is that we need to have more conversations yeah yeah yeah with people that are in different levels yeah yeah we need the older generation to let us know you know things that they've learned so that we can listen what people don't want to do is listen because people's egos are in the way their pain is in the way um we need to listen and figure out how we can apply that to our situation again we're not listening to do exactly what they did but to see what nuggets are for me and what do i need to pack away for when things get complex and we're not doing basic algebra anymore now we're on trigonometry okay and so i think that having the community of other couples having singles having people that are single again to be able to come together and have these really honest vulnerable conversations could be the key to change things so i think submissive has just been weaponized and there haven't been enough conversations to help people understand that they have a misconception of the concept have we weaponized that word submissive as men yes i mean you know our cultural reasoning has taught us you know you're the head you're the lead yeah i mean unfortunately um it's been used even with you know leaders of church where they anytime that scripture comes out wise submit to your husbands um so you start to hear the you know crossing it's been weaponized as a means of i want to control you if i can control your thinking i can control what you're doing yes and so if a particular age generation feels like well a woman's role is to be in the house and in the kitchen yeah that's a viewpoint that's so antiquated and needs to be thrown out how do we get to being a team moving in a direction if you're feeling like your person who's on your team is supposed to be um behind you right or they're just some servant right like no no no we both we're supposed to both be coming to this thing equally serving yeah so if she can see me submit then it'll be easier for her to submit because i have bosses that i submit to so like for men we can't weaponize it towards our women but then when you go to your boss and he says i need you to do a b c d and e yes yes sir because we know you're capable of it so you're choosing not to do it in relationship but you but you're doing it elsewhere and that's problematic for a woman i think for me to take away from the boss um um let's go even higher than that if i can't submit to god you know i'm saying that my wife shouldn't be following me but if my wife sees me submitting to god but she can't you know he can't and i can't love her in that way not as in like god but love her in a way and she's a partner then we have a problem there as well yes so i i totally totally totally get you all now ladies i ain't off the chain what are the three functions that and i know there's a lot more but when you think of what are the top three functions that women should be our ladies should be working on now let me go first yes oh okay just saying okay the first things that come to mind i think are stabilized so i feel like and i don't know if this is just cultural but i feel like men go through a lot yeah you know and there's a lot of expectation placed on men yeah yeah and i think a woman's function or role a lot of the time is to create stability for a man to be able to rest for them to be able to create for them to be able to reflect and connect back to god and stay focused so i think we're we're stabilizers we're we ground we ground men i think and so men oftentimes will be living their lives you know whatever that looks like or means for them and then when uh when a man finds the right woman and joins his life with her there's some level of peace he experiences because he's stable because he's grounded so i think stay stability is the first one i think support is another one so supporting him you know not blindly but when he has a vision and purpose like it was mentioned then you support his vision and purpose now you might poke holes which is different than criticizing and condemning so he might tell you he has a business id and you're like great you know i love it have you considered this part what about this tell me more which is supportive and not condemning so when he brings something up and you just shoot it down okay like a duck out of the sky sis you don't want to emasculate a man there shouldn't be any you shouldn't want to be with an emasculated man that doesn't make sense it doesn't go together and so we have to support when we know that there's a vision and purpose in place and then we keep them on their p's and q's okay so we we poke holes where we see fit so that when they go back into the world they have the yep the best possible outcome laid out for them because you supported that vision and purpose the last thing that comes to mind is sustain we have to assist we have to be sustainable for them and we have to yep she had three s's thanks for giving me some time to come up with that you have to be you have to sustain that energy it has to be because relationships is long you know what i mean life is short but life is long so how are you going to make this sustainable where your relationship can continue to evolve and grow over time for you to be able to thrive in the long run so to me stabilize support and sustain are the three that that come to mind keisha you want to add anything to that well for me i have the three fs three f's first and foremost is faith um okay that's the foundation yeah i think we're in a culture that we try to have a marriage without god in the middle and god created marriage you cannot have a successful marriage without god being in the middle of that okay a woman has to be able to cover her husband so if she don't have a faith foundation she can't cover him where he's going so when i see him struggling in his day-to-day i can go to god and have prayer for him and cover him to make sure that god gives him the strength that he needs to progress on in his day-to-day activities come on come on um then you have finances finances i got to have my finances in order so that i don't become a burden come on when i come into a marriage yeah um we want to take that out we living in society yeah we have this uh microwave generation i want it now i don't want to wait on it and we look at the big b word budget as this big like oh no not doing that but if we have our finances in order we'll actually have more ability not to lead down the road that may lead to divorce yeah because we know money is one of the top reasons for divorce yes so if you get that together in your single season you have the ability to be more successful and not bring on an additional stressor in your marriage when you begin to have problems it's like oh finances i'm out of here i can't take this so that would be my second one okay and then the last one would be fitness for me fitness fitness [Music] fitness and then like work it out yes and then like like looking good well because men are visual yes we are say that's it so we often times you've been talking today i just want you to know you've been talking to dad we can't be upset if we get in a relationship and we're looking one way and then we change and then our significant other eyes get the wondering well we know what he was attracted to so it's our responsibility to maintain that but we have the discipline in our single season of fitness did you open this already yeah i did a whole word that's my wife and the other side of that when i say fitness it's because we think about it what does god allow inside a marriage that he doesn't allow outside of marriage without it being a sin that's sex so god didn't say we couldn't have sex he said you can only have sex within marriage so that it's not a sin no we're not physically fit able to oh my perform oh my gosh oh then we're already going in and setting ourselves up oh oh my gosh oh and then the last part of that is the whole we want to expand we want a family yeah well if i'm not physically fit and i were to get pregnant now i got challenges because now i'm having postpartum depression because my body's not the way it used to be because i didn't have a discipline to train myself in the area of fitness so for me in that single season if you focus on those three things you're setting yourself up because faith is the foundation fitness which is your it leads to the sex intimacy part of the relationship and then the finances leads to the marriage so we know sex and money are the top reasons for divorce yes so if you don't focus on those you're already going in and setting yourself up for the potential of failure uh this is exactly why marvin and keisha are the founders of the road to becoming one can i add an f are you going to add another add an f i should be fine fine fine lord jesus now let's let's let's let's i'm gonna ask one more question ask one more question and i'll let you all go i think we're already over the time and i want my producer connor like hey yo we got to go but it's just some good conversation right here so we can go over a little bit more because i know our tribe i know you all listening and watching right now you are like yo i love it keep going uh when ladies hear the word fitness in a relationship how do men bring that up in a respectful way though so it's like you're saying like hey fitness is important men are physical creatures we do want our significant other our spouses to be beautiful and gorgeous but sometimes men we can see our ladies starting to slip the same way ladies see us men starting to slip um how do men who are listening right now who have a wife what's the best way and the proper way to bring up hey we need to make some changes in the fitness area lee by example oh so just a nugget for me um i noticed in quarantine okay okay that i began to pick up weight and of course i'm you know beginning to approach that next decade of life and that's women like to say you know that's when you're you know things start to kind of shift and wait don't you know don't ain't flow so i picked up a keto lifestyle okay okay i didn't force my husband okay i lit by an example wow and after about three four months he began to see my results and he's like i think i'm gonna try that thing that you're doing i got you so i never downed him for a break to bed you know ice cream that i couldn't eat right right but because he saw the results and so oftentimes we want to point out someone else's flaws that mirror yeah yeah and not see it within ourselves so when there is something within us and we begin to deal on us first yeah our spouses or our significant other will follow if we're being the leader in that aspect without condemning them for it yeah i'll add to that um for men you need to establish from the beginning that you are for her whether she swells or shrinks if she knows that because women will have children they are going to swell yeah they're going to shrink if she knows doesn't matter what your size is i'm here for you it's going to be beautiful and you don't ever want to say you look fat you got to find ways back to what keisha was saying lead by example so i naturally will run i'll work out i'll you know i'll work out that's just kind of my thing right um but seeing the results of what she was doing i was like okay i'll give it a try yeah because i don't have a problem following her lead in a different area we're both going in the same direction yeah she just has a different approach and i've decided oh i'm gonna take part of that approach for myself and have dropped like three pant sizes as a result wow um but you know it's it's very you got to be sensitive to your wife you got to know the kind of wife your wife is the woman that you're dating how she communicates because everybody can't hear a direct you need to do this it could just be hey babe let's go for a walk well hey let's you know let's try to try this new you know dinner let's try something different um so they can kind of lead her and guide her and then if she starts to swell she starts to shrink applaud her like yes girl my goodness girl you i'm gonna chase you all around the house you know just yeah yeah yeah you got to find ways to positively reinforce the change that you want to see the only chaser have you married exactly around the house so i want to add real quick because you said participate and this is an opportunity to participate if you recognize because often times it i think it's also beyond the swelling and the shrinking because bodies just change sometimes and sometimes they swell and they stay that way and it's less about um it may be more about how someone feels and their fitness fitness is about more than just weight yeah it's about strength it's about flexibility it's about agility and so even if it's taking um time to participate by asking how's your heart right um because oftentimes those things are connected your fitness is connected to your feelings yes and so if this person like how are they doing what's going on emotionally might be when we address that might be the road to them being able to invest in themselves in their fitness because we've participated in in trying to get on the same page or at least seeking to understand what's going on beneath the surface because the symptom is what happens to the body but there's something below that that is the cause and so i think participating um can be a really great way to to address that too this show is epic we can go on like another hour let's just let's just be honest here we we can go on for another hour about this uh because i believe who you connect yourself with plays a huge role in how you become successful in the future yes it plays a huge role in how you are successful with your finances and so i love talking about relationships because i just believe that's just one of the key ingredients to having a successful life so i want y'all to think about that single whether they're single again or single never been married um they're watching the show sending us a lot of great stuff but some of them are feeling discouraged some of them are like man this year has been hard uh this past year it was hard and like what what are some things so not just some things say one thing what is one thing they should be doing right now to prepare for the next step which is marriage marriage again or marriage what is that one thing just one thing if you only could just leave them with that what is that one thing yeah i would say that you want to maximize the season you're in and that is going to look different for everybody because some people might need to focus more on their finance some people might need to focus more on their fitness so maximizing your season your single season looks like trusting that god has already written things for your life wow so you don't need to worry and spend time trying to write when your man is gonna come and how tall and short he's gonna be and no god has written whatever it is that is supposed to be for you is already done good so he said for you to focus on putting one foot in front of the other whatever that looks like in your life so you need to find solitude in knowing that your life is written for you and better than you could ever write it and that your job is to maximize the season that you're in to prepare for what god has written for you there you go i would say take the time restraints off of god um your timing is not his timing yeah embrace where you are and enjoy and live your life that's so good often times like we hear the statement you know keeping up with the joneses yeah yeah we're looking at bob and sarah relationship and like oh i want that but we don't go home with bob and sarah we don't see the struggles that they're having yeah so oftentimes we focus they say the grass is green on the other side but the grass is truly greener where you water it at coops oh i mean how you gonna follow that that's your wife it's my wife um she's my rib revelation and beauty ah i like that uh pursue pursue pursue because you know men we're supposed to be directional we're supposed to be hunting you know and even once you've gotten what you feel is a prize your wife is not a prize she's a bride yeah but um even in that you still have to pursue you know what is next for me father what is next for me god you know what do i seek ye first the kingdom and in his righteousness and all of these things will be added that's pursuit if you're not pursuing then you're stagnant i'm saying if water stands still it becomes bad it's just it's water has to be moving for it to be continued to be life-giving and so pursue and when you pursue from a relationship perspective when you pursue uh the kingdom that's how you find your great thing i think oftentimes men and women we go looking for our great thing and we deal with the headaches uh because i've had several of them in the past and i think all of us listening and watching have had some headaches and god checked me one day he said because i said seek ye first the kingdom as a single and then also i say you will find your great thing find means if you're following my path for you i will make sure that that is in there and you will pick her up and pursue her rather than you saying i'm gonna go out to the club i'm gonna go over here to this and i'm gonna go find me a woman no he didn't find it you went looking for it and so when you say pursue i love that specifically for everyone but specifically for for men yes um because that's something in this single season of myself i've really had to uh focus on that uh because i'll get lonely and when i'm lonely i go looking to feel that loneliness that's where the headaches came from and so that's why i'm taking my time i'm following my path my assignment here with my brand my assignment when it comes to the kingdom and i just believe that i will find my bride yeah let me just add one other thing i know we got to go pursue right yeah you can pursue and then you embrace the favor because it says he that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the lord the favor precedes the good thing so in your pursuit your brand you're embracing that all of the favor that comes with that mm-hmm the good thing is on the way it's already written it's just because what you're in what you're supposed to be doing god illuminates you for any man when you're doing what god has called you to do he illuminates you and it'd be a moment where you're somewhere and you look and you see someone or i'm at a restaurant and i have a moment and i freeze like t'challa from black panther recipes [Music] and i'm like that's oneness favorite comes first that is oneness y'all i i want to thank you all for thank you for spending some time with me on um well not yeah on the table at the table uh because i truly believe we helped some people today and uh i want to thank you all how can people find out more about you all's podcast where can they go um and do that so i'll let you all go first um actually right now they um can find us on instagram and um and facebook at the road to becoming one okay um we have the same name on both platforms makes it pretty easy and then of course we have a newly created membership which is sorrow which is single again relationship academy and they can actually go to sarah academy dot um co to find that there you go there's actually an ebook on there that we give out is actually dealing with the pursuit of relationships too okay um yeah it yeah thank you for having me i'm just sent of just sense gems that's j-a-c-e-n-t-s-g-e-m-s on instagram and the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts i also have a couple of courses on getting in the right money mindset and building and reclaiming your confidence because i think it's our birthright so yeah i appreciate you for having us yo listen man uh you guys if you are saying hey i didn't really i didn't catch it i'm gonna make sure that all their information is in the description so go check out the description and i promise you all you will love their platforms i fully endorse them i support them that's why they're at the table right here um man i was about to say every day because i want you here every time but now we can't do that every day but y'all love you all thank you all so much and we'll see you on the next show peace [Music] out [Music] so

Channel: The Table With AO

Views: 132,846

Keywords: anthony oneal, anthony oneal debt free degree, anthony oneal student loans, money, budget, how to save money, personal finance, debt free, how to budget, debt, how to make money, how to get out of debt, student loan debt, student loans, african American, black, hiphop, culture, millennial, student, Become irresistible in YOUR relationship! (Here’s How)

Id: 5r0JtAv4KAQ

Length: 53min 16sec (3196 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 01 2021