Be careful! What is your identity?

every day that goes by you're gonna feel a little bit more content without her and you're gonna feel a little bit more content with who you are what if she did come back and what if you continue to worship her and glorify her and what if what if you lost her to a car accident yeah then you're on suicide watch at that point because she is your identity [Music] what's up guys welcome to the podcast this episode 102. this is going to be a good one good buddy of mine first time guest on here daniel gonzalez a michigan boy that's right finally got michigan represented on the podcast a lot of people from michigan listening to this podcast hey well that's cool hey listen uh um go state go green go white uh that's that's all my gonzalez is there but my mama's side's in texas i've been in texas a long time so i don't sound like i'm from michigan i hear you well yeah lansing michigan that's right that's right yep yeah just get that cleared up yep it's not is it it's not a big blue here no it's not no it's not you know if if you do represent the wolverines i'm so sorry i'll pray for you we can't all be perfect so on this podcast we daniel we answer questions yeah and um you're uh you're a perfect guy for it i feel very blessed that you're in my life because if i need some advice if i need to talk through something in long form you're one of the guys i'm going to call hey that's awesome the way we set up this podcast it's like we're sitting around a campfire or we're driving in a truck and it's me and you and one other person and they say hey guys could i can i ask you something something's been going on in my life it could be about life it could be about music which you're a musician to you're a pastor and a musician so that works out great could be about a relationship or a job it really could be about anything you just email grangersmithpodcast gmail.com then i put these together and i'll i'll just grab them in no particular order and no particular subject and then we'll walk through it as if we're sitting in the cab of a truck on a road trip like me and you have been on before yeah man just walking through it and hey we're not always right we don't we don't have notes if you're watching on youtube we don't have notes in front of us right so we're just going to walk through it as if we're living it with you and we're going to give you the best the best knowledge that we know of at the time and uh that's that's the beauty of this podcast we definitely could be wrong i love it love it um i want to dig in a little bit here and and like i said this is no particular order so i'm going to start at the top if you're ready to if you're ready to dig into this i'm all in let's go this one says the subject says i need advice good says thank you so much for this opportunity i'm grateful for you and amber and i found out uh about you thanks to a friend who kept tagging me on parker's tick tock videos i've heard about people talking about that in fact i just started following him today because i watched one of your podcasts where y'all talked about that good good good good i love it it says uh so in this situation i'm currently living with my parents because that's how things go in honduras shout out to honduras all right and uh we've been having a lot of problems they've been having a lot of problems with their marriage my dad does not respect my mom he raises his voice always says she is against him on a problem they have in the ministry they work in because my dad has said some bad stuff about his leaders thing is the problem is affecting me way too much with my mom her hair is falling out she doesn't have much energy anymore she's always down on my sister and i try to cheer up but that only helps for a while my mom still loves my dad i really question that my dad loves her i've asked about them getting a divorce but that's the last thing my mom wants to do i've prayed earnestly so the lord would give healing to their marriage and just give me wisdom on what to do but i feel like i'm not doing enough especially because of our economic situation is also affecting this whole problem i don't have a job because here in honduras it's really hard to get one if you're if you haven't graduated from college help i want to do more i want to help i don't know what to do anymore am i stressing too much about it what should i do thank you granger ruth wow so shout out to uh honduras listeners and um and thank you thank you ruth for for trusting us with something so heavy on your heart and i want to say i thank you i think you emailed the right podcast we got we got pastor daniel with us today if i had anything like this going on in my life i would i would call you i will call you um so let's kind of let's break this down a little bit yeah cause there's a lot there there's a lot there so um dad is has been he's been tough lately he's been tough on mom mom still loves him divorce is not part of the conversation at all mom is faithful mom is holding hold and true to this it sounds like they're in ministry of some sort yeah in honduras and and the daughter is wanting to wanting to help yeah you know i feel that on her heart she wants to she wants to be able to help mom and dad she wants to reconcile the marriage and there's a financial stress to this so where do we where do we start with ruth she's praying a lot about it yeah and and she's seeking help she's seeking counsel you know and i think that's important the an important part of of really what the bible tells the student instructs us to do but really in everyday life is is we want to make sure that we're finding the right counsel the right the right people to speak into it and obviously we don't know you've given us um kind of a good framework a good picture it sounds like if i remember she said he's in ministry as well yeah that's what it says i presume maybe it's a church or some kind of a ministry-related non-profit or something of that nature which is an even bigger deal you know and so you know when it goes to situations like this as it relates to the family and it relates to the the position of the father and the role of the father in the family there's a lot of weight that falls on dad yeah there's a lot of weight that falls there and there's a lot of responsibility that falls there and so i don't want people to shy away from that does the weight of a marriage all fall on on a husband or the weight of a family all fall on the father no but certainly a tremendous amount of it does because as we see even in statistics whatever direction the father goes if the father goes to church then the the likelihood increases uh it's like 60 right yeah something crazy like that you know so i think what ends up happening is sometimes we get bogged down especially if you're working in ministry you can get so involved doing the work of the lord that you really kind of lose sight of your relationship with the lord and you're doing things for god instead of doing things with god yeah and that can sometimes set you on a course to to be in this place where men who i am now has changed not not for the better and so i think we have to start with that that reality my father the father i knew was a pastor and an evangelist and missionary i was born 15 years late as late child so i grew up with that dad before that we were actually just talking about this me and granger not too long ago my dad was a heroin addict and a drug pusher he was a very hurtful human being and he was that way with my mom and yet my mom who sought the lord who followed the lord continued to stay in that relationship and she just felt like i'm seeking god i'm going to go passionately after god and i'm going to believe that my testimony is going to have an effect on on robert who's my who is my father well it eventually did in fact my dad thought that she was seeing a guy at church because she would go to church and come home so full of joy that he decided hey i'm going to go over there and find out who it is that you're seeing and and when i do i'm going to do some terrible things to them you know breathe out so she thought he was or he thought she was cheating that's exactly right okay yeah yeah there was some guy there that was making her happy and she's coming over right and so he begins to there was right that was jesus and so she goes he ends up going to church doesn't find the guy he goes back again goes back again and about the fourth or fifth time god just collides with him and he's listening to the message and he's realizing the terrible state that he is in he goes up to the front of the church and he just begins to lay just face down on the ground and just is is a weeping and sobbing and he was having a god moment where he was just really begging forgiveness from god and so in that he became radically saved kicked the drugs kicked all of that like he was a different person however despite that there was still withdrawal that he had to go through there was still a repair that had to happen in the family and i love how god constitutes and utilizes these words with re he resurrects you know we repent he restores things like he takes what is and he transforms it and so i believe that that happens through a lot of different ways one is there has to be a reality of god in the best way for your father to see that where he might have lost sight of that is for you to be that testimony in his life um to be an encouragement as well to your mom and just say hey there is a love that's greater than all this our god can do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever ask imagine i'm going to probably quote a lot of scripture references in this podcast and then you got to confront it and i think that's the challenging part is because there is a way to confront in love but i would say that your father not only does he need to be prayed for not only do you want to be a good example of christ to him but as a daughter you can confront your father and you can sit down and say there's a big issue and for a man who's working in ministry you're held to a high standard like the bible actually tells us that your home is supposed to be in order for you to be engaging in this so we utilize that as a way to be able to have a conversation and say i want you to see what you're doing to our family all of that's okay all right now we don't know what the result of that is going to be at the end of the day not everything that we do that is right seems to turn out the way that we would like for it to but at least at the very end of the day we can say i know i did right by god i know i did right by my family and we had a conversation about it and hopefully that can help kind of maybe shake them up maybe get a realignment going and then you got to walk the journey of restoring rebuilding trust going through that journey with the family i think it is so important but my heart goes out to you because i know that has to be so difficult dealing with what you're dealing with to see your family in that kind of a situation but i also know that god is faithful so good that's so good and and i think ruth i think we believe i believe you do too we believe that god is this restorer this redeemer this author of life and it's it's easy to make that number two and to make number one what should we okay i get it but what could i do now what do i need to do to restore the situation and and i would encourage you to flip-flop that not not saying that you are already but flip-flop where you believe and you trust that god is building this story and you might not even see it in your father's lifetime you might not see the the restoration that you want the storybook restoration the cinderella story you might not see that unfold but but regardless god is working in you and he's working with this story in some way and for probably daniel for your siblings they might not have seen what you saw with your dad their restoration and we led we led completely different paths completely different lives now god has reconciled all that he's redeemed all that everybody's saved everybody serving the lord but we went different directions and in fact when i would hear stories about my father in that context i'm like you're out of your mind like this doesn't make any sense but that also shows the power of how god can change somebody yeah and so i think that's important for us to hold on to is that we put god first and we do right by god we do right by his word and how he calls us to respond to those particular situations and the reality is yeah ruth your your father should be doing it but that's not what's happening in this context and that's unfortunate um you know both of us as fathers our hearts would just be broken if our kids if there was some kind of a uh a gap or a severing of our relationship with our kids and so we would do whatever it takes and i do uh believe that sometimes we just get distracted by the wrong things and so it takes bravery on your part and i know you probably have even done it to a certain degree but in this case being able to say hey we need to sit down we need to talk about this because there's a rift that's happening we know that it isn't right um we know that we all want to honor god so let's just have that conversation and let's see where it goes that could start something incredibly healing for him that's so good and maybe maybe that comes in the form of questions to death too like dad do you feel like you're honoring mom the way that you the way that you should be and get ask him the questions and let him he might be defensive at first but let him walk through he will be defensive at first yeah more than likely yeah and but let him walk through those answers to you knowing that he's not going to be able to prove himself right enough he he knows and then i also wanted to say ruth that your last little paragraph helped me i want to do more i want to help i don't know what to do you're you're kind of reflecting if you read through the psalms you're reflecting a very psalmist mentality and that's a good thing yeah that's a good thing but you don't have to ask me that on on you know the question here this podcast this this is your prayer god help me yeah i don't know what to do yeah i feel lost what should i do just bring make that just part of your of your daily prayer and remember that god that that restoration is in his hands the power of the gospel yes will affect your dad in some way like i said you might not see it but it might be reflecting you you could be daniel sitting here for the next generation repeating this kind of story of what you saw and what you learned but i think you're in a good place ruth i think you're asking the right questions i think your heart's in the right place and i think what's really important about this is that your mom is staying faithful she's not using divorce as an option right and she will be rewarded for that right i'd really believe it absolutely and i'm daniel i'm sorry for hitting you with with the team oh my goodness i should have been more i should have been better about that let me hit you with something that this subject says learning to play guitar this has got to be easier oh my goodness it says hey granger i recently purchased a guitar and i love it i'm trying to teach myself by watching youtube videos is that the wrong way to learn i'm considering guitar lessons just want your opinion have you ever considered using or teaching instructional videos on guitar thank you for what you do this is coming from max and north carolina um this is an interesting thing because when i learned guitar there wasn't youtube right but i personally think if i was learning today that would be a really good tool oh absolutely it is free yeah it's amazing what you can learn you literally have the best teachers in the world yeah all sharing their stuff for free back in the day when i was learning nobody would share anything with you right like you would i remember i started off on piano we would go to churches and i would try to look and see what the guy was doing and he would cover it so why i would say yes i would say yes to your question on youtube um they're going to personal guitar lessons i think that's a good thing but i would i would run with this youtube thing for about a year and just get some of the basics get some basic chord progressions learn your you know the solid you know five or six seven chords that will get you through your favorite songs learn your scales learn your skills youtube will will be great for all of that take you might want to take your guitar to a a local music shop and just ask the guys if they could set it up for you make sure the action's good on it meaning you don't want to you don't want to run your your hands and your fingers ragged on a cheap guitar not saying that yours is cheap not saying that just saying you might want to take it just to go hey can you take a look at this and they could get it set up where it's just easier on your hands which means you could practice longer yeah but uh i'm happy for you man this is going to be it's going to be a fun adventure it might just completely change your life oh thanks it might you know you yeah [Laughter] shout out to north carolina man thank you for thank you for the question um i think i'm going to kick this over to you daniel i'm going to read some of these these uh subject lines here we got time for probably one more good question we'll take a break okay we have a question for your podcast that's a generic we have i just got married and i need help i have quitting corporate job getting into music we have one that just says church we have one that says becoming a father i have uh feeling lost in a fog oh wow please help me my girlfriend broke up with me and grief does any of those you need to stand out right at the top well um why don't we hit let's hit the father one care on that father let's hit that says hey granger my name is kurt from minnesota minnesota minnesota don't you know i'm a huge fan of your podcast and advice that you've given to so many i'm becoming a father this december we've been on a long journey through infertility for the last four years and it took a huge toll in our relationship we were actively repairing this relationship and have leaned heavily on our faith in god and each other do you have any advice for us and for me becoming a new father and how to be the best leader in our household when this baby boy arrives thank you kurt wow well first yes congratulations on that this is awesome yes this is going to be an incredible uh ride and and one of the most fulfilling times of your life but here's the thing is oftentimes it doesn't start that way so when us as guys sometimes we're not wired uh as well emotionally uh as you know our wives are and and as moms are you know they've they've known that baby for nine months before we have ever gotten to meet that baby and so the dynamic is a little different as a father i think you have to set first uh in your heart how you're going to raise this child you know am i going to raise this child you know uh as a follower of christ which i'm sure you are y'all talked about your your faith in god you want to make sure you're instilling biblical principles you want to make st make sure that you're taking time to spend with your baby the thing about men is that we develop relationships based on reciprocation right so that's like guys are are you know that we develop friendships based on reciprocation relationships and and that with our child well it's hard sometimes with with an infant yes to receive they're taking a lot more than they're giving right now right yeah and so i think what we have to do is we have to make sure and understand that hey what i have right here in front of me is an investment it's not just a child's not just my child not just my baby but what i'm doing here is when i'm talking to them and when i'm singing to them when i'm spending time i'm planting seeds inside of them that are going to be watered over the course of my life with my words with my actions and with time and then years later i'm going to see those things sprout hang on my palsy right there i'm not even going to say anything i just want that sink in for a second that's good if you guys are listening just just stop that just for a second if you're a brand new dad that is so good you're planting seeds even when you're not getting that reciprocation back that's important because when you plant a seed in the garden you don't get reciprocation back you go out and water it all the time all the time all the time and maybe even get frustrated we've just started gardening a couple of years ago we're learning this but one day you go out there and there's a sprout and man let me tell you we partied over that little sprout still took a long time before it turned into fruit or vegetation whatever but that little sprout and there's times when your kids you see that little sprout that thing that you've invested in them now responds they reciprocate and man it changes everything and so you want to take that time to do that and then i would also say as far as your relationship with your wife i know a lot of people who've struggled with infertility and been in that journey close close friends of mine who i'm thankful have been able to have children and but there's a lot of pain there's a lot of hurt that kind of just comes out of us sometimes and as a husband and wife especially if you're a younger family you don't always know how to navigate that pain initially and and that's difficult i think you have to have a lot of grace for each other and then understanding that hey you're hurting and you're hurting in a different way than i am even though we're both despairing over this these challenges um or maybe we're angry and we're taking that out on each other taking it out on god or the world or whatever the case may be i have to understand that what you're going through as a mom is different than what i'm going through as a father all right so we don't want to outdo one another we want to make sure that we come to this place of completion let's talk about it because if i can understand your perspective and you can understand my perspective then we can start that journey of healing uh between each other you got to have grace for one another you got to have love in fact i would say that the way to really be able to heal that is to be extravagant in your affection towards one another um we don't call it faking it we call it faithing it and so you do it until it becomes real um in that context and i'm not saying that your love for each other isn't real but what i'm saying is sometimes you've got to motivate yourself to do more to invest more in that relationship and then over time because here's something that we need to realize too it's not simply that over the course of our lives and over our uh how long have you been married now 11 years 11 years okay so celeste and i will be 18 years this this fall over the course of the 18 years our love for each other hasn't just grown it's grown up it's matured over the course of time now we can say things a lot more bluntly to each other not be hurt by each other because we've grown up we've matured but when we're young we don't have that maturity yet so everything i say that might just be me trying to be real or authentic might hurt the other person because they're still growing up in that maturity and that love and so understand that give it time give it grace be extravagant in your affection towards one another loving each other spending time together and i believe that over the course of time and especially when that child also comes into the world man there's some things that are going to heal there love it man i love garden analogies yes and i think that god has has created the the human life where it has these perfect seasons for instance the nine-month pregnancy gets you perfectly seasoned ready for an infant yeah but then when you're you're in the infant stage you have another challenge and another season which lasts six or seven months which gets them to the first uh they're sitting up and they're eating solid food okay now you could deal with this and you deal with that just long enough before they start walking about a year and then when they're walking and you you finally got a chance to child approve the house over the previous months and then you have a chance before they go into pre-k and so it's just it's perfectly lined up so if you're worried about being a dad just just remember that it doesn't happen overnight you don't just wake up and you got a 13 year old you know it you have a perfect grace period yes and learning because you're going to learn with them the goal is just to be a little bit ahead of them right that's right now one thing i want to talk about kurt is is your your relationship you said it through the infertility it took a huge toll you said huge toll on our relationship and we're actively repairing this so i want you to and it's good you said you're leaning heavily on faith and each other yeah but i want to also encourage you to think about this think about that because of the infertility a baby is such a blessing it's such an incredible thing anyway but then coming out of four years of infertility it's even more of a prize for you too so i want you i want to encourage you to not make that this child yes your goal or your biggest prize make her that yes and tell her that and while she's pregnant this is a good time to tell her just say babe i'm so happy and we're so grateful and we praise god for this child but i want to let you know that even if we didn't have this child i'm happy with you he's right i love you and and you are what i need on this earth right now and just just start planting those seeds to her and honoring her and giving her so much of this grace and glory that because you don't want to you don't want the baby to become the thing yeah because then that that relationship problem could get bigger and bigger as you start dealing with adolescence with this kid man that is so good and so right on because you as a husband and wife you're the family yeah you didn't start your family when you started having kids right y'all are the family and i wonder granger too and and maybe what she is dealing with on her side of the pain maybe there's questions sometimes with infertility whether it's on the on the guys or the gals fault or not fault but side of the argument that they think it's their fault yeah and so there's the pain that's associated with that it's like why can't we just have children like everybody everyone else yeah and so i imagine out of that that hurt too and then you're lumping on you know whether it's accusations or just hurtful words or maybe not maybe they're just flippant words and you didn't realize they heard and now you're having to rebuild like like my heart goes out to that because i can't imagine that but but man to what you're saying when you're now lavishing on though it's like hey look our family isn't about this child yeah because reality is one day they're going to grow up they're going to move out and then it's us again it is so it's got to be about us you know it's got to be about you know our foundation isn't god but god's blessing this and so man you talk about that guy being head over heels over you uh to let her know how she's first place there in your life that's amazing yeah let's let's take a break we'll be right back all right [Music] thanks for watching the granger smith podcast guys if you want to find me on tour it's super easy go to grangersmith.com right there on the homepage scroll down just a touch and there's all the tour dates now you're gonna look at those tour dates you could do two things right there off the home page buy tickets tab or vip tab the vip allows you to actually meet me it gives you vip tickets and a meet and greet where you can come before the show we could hang out take pictures sign anything that you want and you could also find that on the home page under meet granger so you can do it through the tour site the tour page or on the meet granger tab we make it super easy if you can't go to any of these tour dates another thing you could do is you could find me on cameo.com you can go to the website or write off the app the cameo app that's c-a-m-e-o look up granger smith and that way i could easily get you a video message to whoever you want for whatever you want could be birthday congratulations on a wedding or a graduation a pick-me-up or a shout out of any kind i will send you a video recording of me giving you a personalized message to however you want for whoever you want i also want to thank you guys for supporting yigi apparel fall launch which we launched last friday just a few days ago i'm hoping by the time that you see this by the time you listen to this podcast there's still some items that you want this is most proud i've ever been about an apparel launch from yee i'll say it that way we have jackets and coats and flannels beanies for the first time ever to get you ready for wherever you are in the world for your winter apparel thank you for trusting us with this brand thank you for trusting yugi apparel and thank you for trusting us with country music and of course thanks for listening to the podcast [Music] so daniel what what is your title at celebration in georgetown celebration church georgetown texas you were a pastor there yeah i'm an executive pastor we have a team called the directional leadership team yeah we're responsible for making decisions about the direction of the church where we're going next and so my area really where i um i don't want to say oversee but it's kind of my stewardship let's put it in that way is our language is our look it's it's what you experience in and from the church and we're venturing now into some new arenas where we're in in developing a podcast you know um which would be uh you know dealing with theological questions things in relation to the church um have guests things of that nature as well but we're also creating more music and things to kind of get outside of the four walls to be able to minister in a timeless way which i think you'd do so great in in your music in this like people are going to be listening to these things for years down the line and they'll have that yeah and they'll have that impact um and so we're really for us as a church even though we are a church of notable size in this area of central texas we still have yet to really venture out into that area and i believe that it's uh it's our time to do that so i've been stewarded with that responsibility um as well as yeah just you know the message what we say you know we want to make sure it's right we want to make sure it's theologically sound um and uh and that it is bringing challenges where there need to be challenges and it's bringing encouragement we're the dsp encouragement i've seen you with a headset on work in production on any given sunday i've seen you with a headset on during production i've seen you playing keyboard i've seen you playing guitar leading worship or i've seen you preaching yeah yeah or i've seen you on the front row just worshiping whatever it takes whatever you're like the man that if anybody needs anything you're coming in you can handle everything well i'll tell you what it's been when you've grown up in ministry my dad was a pastor like like i said earlier he had a church you learn how to do everything yeah and so you just kind of jump in uh where you need to some particular and then some things i do just because i love to do them i love to play i love to lead worship i love to do that kind of stuff and so when you know it's asked upon me hey can you do this i'm like hey i'm all in yeah you go and so yeah we have a blast on a side note for those of you that have seen the sermon that i posted on this channel uh pastor daniel wrote that with me so we wrote that together i would say that i pulled it out of you i wouldn't say that we wrote it together that's your message man but but i tell you what it was awesome to be able to do that and to see you preach it and to just see now the response that's happened you're getting more opportunities um to share that message people need to hear that message of hope love it man well it's an honor to have you on this podcast and now i'm going to have you pick another one okay so do you remember any of those ones i said oh yeah there was one on church what did we do it just says church that's all it says dear granger i need help i want to attend the church i attended as a child the problem is that church is about a hundred miles from where we live i want to attend in person because i do want to be able to take communion it's very important to me to do that i feel that baptism confirmation and sacraments and standing in church saying your wedding vows are all very important i'm ready to commit to going there once a month because of the distance and the fact that i live on a limited income the church is very important to me i attended the first 12 years of my life and i didn't set foot in that church until i was an adult and i cried the whole service when i did i felt like i finally was home again help me please i hope to hear from you you always give out great advice may god bless you and your family this has come from linda and i don't see where she's from um linda thank you thank you for for emailing um i kind of have some mixed thoughts on this i do too i almost have like a couple of options yeah please sheriff yeah it almost kind of depends like maybe she's in a small town and there's nothing there but i always want to encourage people to be local and to be able to you can't you really have one foot in one door and and one foot out and really uh get involved right that's tough and it's it's almost like you you are going to the childhood church for a uh some kind of nostalgic reason that it's it's you're reliving the first 12 years i mean that's a great time first 12 years of your life that that there i want to encourage you to really discern whether that's a nostalgia that's drawing you back to your childhood or if it's really the word of god that you're hearing better than you've ever heard anywhere else yeah and that's going to be tough to discern those things it is what do you think about this what what if someone told you this let me split it this way what if someone in georgetown moved 100 miles away and they said i really love celebration and i'm struggling with not being able to come back in fact i want to come once a month well i think there are a couple of things i think you nailed it in that you got to discern the kid where does god want you where does god place you the reality is that does happen sometimes and sometimes it's out of people's control at least in that particular moment in their life maybe it's a job thing or whatever the case may be um and they can't be there regularly but their heart is there and they want to be there well hey look as far as i'm concerned then that's your church and you make it work as often as you can would i prefer for you to have a local impact absolutely if you're in a situation where it's like well i work here my church is 100 miles away which i don't know if this is your uh particular situation but um but my heart is really there then i was i was started looking for some jobs there and i would say hey if this is really where god's called me to be then let me move and get closer to the church here's the deal we have had mo we pe we hear all the time people saying i stumbled upon your church online i felt so connected we moved our whole family here to the austin area so we could attend celebration church because they felt like there was a calling that god was god was giving them through the church to come and be a part of it so that happens that's a great point so linda there's obviously a reason you're not doing that surely you've wrestled with this and surely there's a reason but if there's not a good enough reason there it is you know like that seems like that solves a lot of problems um but driving once a month i don't know if that does it for me i don't i'm not sure if if investing in the local church around you the one that's within 20 miles is not better and that and you could maybe you encourage that church maybe you become a light in that local church that reflects what you miss from the 100 mile church and maybe they need you there maybe they need someone like linda right in their local church to help bring some of those ideas and some of the the the feelings that you felt bring that in to their church maybe they need you there so i also want you to consider that that maybe this is part of this stirring in you is that this is god saying hey we we want to revive this town where you are right now i want to i want to bring a revival to where you are and i've given you the knowledge of this church that you love and i want you to take that knowledge and spread it here locally and you saying that also has made me kind of triggered a thought in my mind is you need community and so you know we're talking in the context of service sometimes we only talking in relationship to a service like exactly 9 30 or whatever your service time is of your particular church but the church is so much more than a service it's community exactly it's a body and so when you're dealing with challenges when i think about what we dealt we've had a massive ice storm uh earlier this year thank god for the community that we had of people to be able to help each other do it well if you're not plugged in you don't have those relationships that maybe you need to navigate a difficult time and it's hard to do that just being completely sincere it's hard to do that 100 miles away yeah so that's an important part yeah small groups yep yep um the breakfast is that they're gonna host the the the easter services it's gonna be hard you're gonna have family over for christmas and you're gonna want to go to church and it's a hundred miles and and that that mileage might discourage you from going at all you might just say i'm just not gonna i'm just not gonna go at all um so i think i think we're kind of leaning yeah yeah we wanna be we wanna be local we wanna have we wanna have an impact where we are i get it i you know i'm we're not here to tell you this is right yeah this is wrong um but we've seen the benefit we've we've witnessed the benefit of our lives of being local and allowing a local church to minister to us and for us to minister to it and the people that are there it's just such a blessing yeah remember when you're tithing to your church as well that's going a lot of times to your the local community and you're you're not going to see that you're not going to see the fruits of that tithing as much if it's if it's farther away so so i think the bottom line is quit your job and go get a knife just kidding linda you got some stuff to wrestle with but that's some great advice from daniel here all right um you want to go to this uh quitting corporate job it sounds like it's sure we've been preaching the gospel for this year we'll go to something it says hey granter my name is jack i'm from western new york small town a small town outside of rochester i'm 25 years old i love music and since the 2020 pandemic i started learning how to play the guitar i've been playing for over a year now and i've written a few songs of my own and my dad really wants me to stay in sales and climb the corporate ladder but my gut is telling me that i'm meant for something more in this life and that music is a part of that i would love to hear about your journey and any advice you would like to give a guy like me starting out thank you for reading my email best wishes to your family jack and he has proverbs 27 2 quoted here let another praise you and not your own mouth a stranger not your own lips okay what's up jack and uh shout out to new york yeah rochester 25 years old we have another uh a newbie on guitar this is a little bit similar to that last question for me yeah a little bit similar i'm interested to see where you're going to go with this yeah well first first of all jack um we honor our mother and father dad wants you to stay in in sales and and and i think your dad has a really good instinct for that um and so i wouldn't the last thing i'll do is just throw out that throw out that advice dad doesn't know he's talking about uh i would i would honor honor your father in that in that decision not that you have to do that but i want you to just really simmer on that a little bit um the music business is tough it's rough it's tough it's rough and and what you what you kind of have to realize is why are you pursuing music is it to pay the bills or is it because it's it's making you happy it's making it's giving you a creative outlet because if that's the case you could do that yeah and do any other job at the same time that's right yep so i would never discourage anyone for for from following a a passion but you are new at this and your gut is that scares me anytime someone says my gut's telling me to do this um you you need some more evidence yeah that's right it's not the best your gut's not the best decision maker so pump the brakes when you if you're going to pursue music as a full-time career you're going to know more than your gut you're going to know that this is leading you this direction you you have a little local venue where you live and it's sold out every time you play it and people love it and they want to hear more music and you you're not just writing a few songs you're writing albums and you're putting them out and the little place that you're playing at the the lions club or whatever you're playing they can't fit anybody else in there and then you're gonna go maybe there's something to this yes like maybe this is bigger than rochester new york maybe this is maybe i should venture out and then you put a band together and so then you go over to albany in syracuse and you play a few shows there and then you go over to buffalo and you get some pretty good feedback so you're still not quitting your job that's right you're still in the sales job that your dad wants you to be in until you go man i'm we're doing so well in this this upstate new york circuit that the only way i could continue this is by quitting my job yep but that's not a gut no that's some hard evidence that's right and the bottom line is buddy you could love music and you don't have to make a living with it yeah and sometimes i use this analogy with uh with young artists that are like man i wanna i wanna do this i wanna do this and i'm like do you like you like cake like vanilla cake and i love cake i'm like okay well let me put if music was cake this is what it'd be like it'd be like here's some cake is this good this is like wedding cake oh i love it take another bite yeah you sure you like it i really like it here take the slice you still like it i love the slice okay now i eat the whole cake and you can never eat anything else but this cake you're not going to have steak or potatoes or anything but this cake you still love it yeah because that's what it's like that's what it's like to go head first and to quit your corporate job and you do anything you're doing all you're doing is music that's what it's like yeah you only get one flavor and so you got to realize hey maybe i just like to eat steak potatoes and have that body cake that's right because you can still do love it thank you jack i appreciate you brother and uh i hope to see you really soon we're going to be in new york next week so maybe um maybe we'll see you around so daniel question for the podcast i just got married and i need help my girlfriend broke up with me feeling lost in a fog and grief any of those why don't we do uh we got time for a couple more at least okay well uh let's do the uh my girlfriend broke up with him okay okay hey granger i'm 22 years old i'm from alabama shout out to alabama and uh pastor christian yeah war eagle you're worried not not roll they rolling no ties over where he is yeah i'm not sure if what he's saying if he's eagle or tied here but i'm 22 years old from alabama i've recently started listening to your podcast and i've been a long time listener to your music i'm so glad that you used god to help your fans and your followers was a year and a half into a relationship with a girl i wanted to marry her and she broke up with me i thought things were going great i was good to her and treated her well i thought that she would never leave i now want her back i have done a lot of things to change myself she she is extremely ambitious and working for jobs this summer and applied to graduate school i love and care about her so much she has been she's been so good to me but now i'm very hurt because she dated a guy before me and i think she wants him back when she when she broke up with me she said she just needed time and space i miss her so much i pray her for her safety and healing every day i'm also in my bible every day trying to prove myself how do i get her back how do i show her i'm a better man so that she will give me a second chance thank you slate wow slate well let me just let me let me tell you that a woman that is working that hard probably doesn't even have time to be dating and be in a relationship to start she sounds very ambitious like she's going after it here's here's the thing here's the thing i want you to understand slate because i think it's so important for us to realize that the only person we want to make the center of our world is jesus we want to make sure that someone especially they're not our wives they're not our like we can't make them the center of our world because there are greater things in store for you i know it's difficult i know when you've invested time in a relationship especially at your age um we go all in man our emotions are in like we're all in and then it doesn't pan out the way that we the way that we want and we there's no other alternative but to want to get the person back i think those things are natural all right that's the heart's response but the reality is is we don't make decisions with our heart we make decisions with our head our heart and its emotions inform probably our state like there's something up there's something going on that's cool but the reality is is you only make reactions with your heart you make decisions with your head so good so you have to be willing to say i'm going to make a decision with my head that my heart does not necessarily agree with and be willing to understand that you with god in your life are already complete you don't need anybody else you're already complete and he's working on you he's making you better okay you're not becoming better to get some girl back that that isn't the goal there you're becoming better because you are being conformed into the image of christ you you are becoming more like god you're becoming a better person because the world needs the best slate that you have to offer so there are great things in store for your life there's greater things in store for your life than just one particular relationship okay i believe that the more that you're trying to pursue god there's going to be someone who's going to come in your path that man that chemistry is going to be made you're going to know you're going to have that feeling of like all right i get it this is this is what i've been waiting for um but you don't want to hit pause on your life because there's a part of you that's grieving a relationship that has ended you know you want to make sure that you're still pursuing god you're still learning you're still equipping yourself you're still working hard build something here's the thing too jesus never called a disciple who wasn't working they were all in and doing something all right and and he calls him into great things he wasn't looking for the guy that was you know still living in his mom's basement she didn't got a job didn't got it he was looking he wasn't looking for the most educated guys but he was looking for some hard-working people so what do i mean by that is that hard work perseverance building on yourself learning developing utilizing wisdom that gets you noticed by more than just jesus right yeah but but but i think that as long as you're engaged in that as long as you make sure you're prioritizing the right relationship in your life um then that person that that is going to be your spouse that you you're going to start that family with um is going to see that they're going to notice that they're going to perk up and then man you start that relationship it's going to be awesome this is probably one of the most amazing daniel that was amazing i can't i can't beat anything that you just said this is one of the most common kinds of questions that i get to this podcast my girlfriend broke up with me or my boyfriend broke up with me and how do i get her back because i want her back and she told you she needed time and space give her time and space yeah you say you're reading your bible every day i believe that if you continue that you're going to see the truths that daniel just spoke of you're going to see words like being content right being content with where you are and who you are today and you became i say this with all all kindness you start to sound like a broken record here i want her back i need her i love her what do i do help me i want her back and that just screams to me that you you have to work on yourself yeah yeah she's not missing there there's something there's something missing and once again i say that in the nicest way um because i've been there i know daniel's been there we've all been there and when you're 22 it might seem like the the walls are just caving in but time is going to heal you time going by every day that goes by you're going to feel a little bit more content without her and you're going to feel a little bit more content with who you are because she was she was becoming and maybe already was your identity and that's a dangerous thing slate for her to become your identity because what if she did come back and what if you continue to worship her and glorify her and what if what if you lost her to a car accident yeah then you're you're on suicide watch at that point because she is your identity and you have to you have to be able to honor her with uh with the space that she needed and there's no there's no tricks that i could tell you or that daniel could tell you there's no books to read on how to win her back she's got everything daniel said if you rewind that you becoming the man that the world needs you to be that's right will attract that's right maybe not even her i'm kind of secretly hoping not yet it's going to attract someone even better and you might hear that go no one's better than her but i promise you man at 22 i promise you there is and you got a lot of time and you got a lot of life and a lot of things to figure out and it's an exciting time to be 22. it's an exciting time it's awesome but you know what it's also hard to hear that you probably have heard already people tell you that man you're only 22. i get it it's hard to hear that but if you're willing to understand that your 20s really truly are for learning all right i know you might start your career in your 20s i know you're doing college and all of that but really your 20s are for learning you you're you're going to now start really figuring yourself out in your 30s and then when you hit your 40s you're really going to be kind of in the thing that you feel like you're called like you're you're going to start navigating into that space understand that this time man is for your own development like really you know what you can learn you know biblical principles be in the church all of that as well as being educated getting mentors in your life who can help fill some of that space that you have there man that's going to pay huge dividends for you and i'll be honest you're going to go down the line a couple of years of doing that and let's say she does come back around she's probably going to be a lot less attractive to you at that point because of the person you've become while just pursuing your own development yeah being a better person just like we said on that very first question flip the script because you're saying i want her i want her number two i read the bible i'm trying to prove myself but i really want her just flip that flip it make make the bible and your development towards that the number one thing and make the relationship or the next relationship down the line and watch how that's going to transform your life yeah i'm excited for you slate and uh thank you for emailing buddy yeah let's let's knock out one more we got time for one more let's do it which one do you think is is the best we got we have the generic question for your podcast which is always you never know okay we have i just got married feeling lost in a fog okay we also have grief because i have grief why don't we deal with why don't we you probably talk about grief a lot yeah it does come up a lot it does come up a bit but i'm dealing with a little bit of grief today yeah you know we've just lost someone that is close to us literally had a heart attack let's go there this morning you want to go there let's go freshman this is fresh on my mind yeah okay it says hey grander my name is gloria from washington state i'm a huge fan and i met you to meet and greet in seattle thank you gloria my question is this my husband passed away in september 2020 and then four months later january 2021 my brother passed away how do you deal with that much grief in such a short period of time wow well i think there's there's a lot of things that play into dealing with grief um because grief is so impactful in a multiple in multiple areas of our lives um i think some of the some of the things that i would say initially is one you have to allow yourself to grieve because grieving is a process that i have found is unique for each individual um i lost my father at 22 years of age um and my grieving pro i didn't cry i didn't for a whole year i just i don't want to say i was numb i wasn't numb to life i wasn't numbed but i just felt like the way that i saw people grieve their loved ones i didn't experience that so i thought something was wrong with me yeah and then one day uh after we had serena she's a baby i remember in our apartment she did something i can't remember what she did but it was something that just tickled me so much and i went to grab the phone to call my dad to tell him yeah there it is and i realized i can't do that anymore and man you talk about the floodgates you know this may have been a year and a half to two years later and i just lost it and i grieved for about two weeks but it was different it's different for everybody but i had to be okay with that i had to come to that place of saying hey look this is how i'm grieving now i don't know why i don't have answers to those questions yeah but i just know that i need to allow myself to go through this process so that i can be in a place now to be able to heal the worst thing you can do and i'm not accusing you of doing this i don't even think that you are doing this but is to try to not go through that process of grief right um you have to allow yourself to to grieve that in whatever way is you know is natural and it's comforting in that particular moment you don't want to run to bad things you don't want to run to things that are going to be destructive for your life but it's it's okay it just makes sense for you to be sad it makes sense for you to be hurting now i can already tell you that you're on the right track because you've reached out to ask for help all right when someone's in a bad place with grief they don't want anybody's help so you're already going into that direction of that healing process in this regard so i just want to encourage you to keep going down uh that road you know um obviously you know you know you you have answered grief questions a lot you've dealt with grief you know we were talking about our dads you know dying in in stuff in in similar fashions i mean what would you say to that to to how a person navigates that yeah i think you you said it right you you gave a good example of how the seven steps of grief or whatever it's not it's it's there is no order oh yeah right there's no steps and there is no number two and number three everyone is different and daniel just said he grieved a year and a half after his dad died and and some people go right into it the second it happens and they're just instantly grieving so it was something something that i saw amber do is she went right into grief share classes with other people that really helped her i wasn't interested in doing that but i will i will mention this because it helped her tremendously to get with a group of other people and what happens gloria you go do there's going to be a local i'm assuming you're close to seattle there's definitely a big creep share grief share community in seattle and you could go and and join christian-based griefshare and you're going to sit in a group in a loving environment with with other women that are encouraging you that some of them have lost husbands or brothers or kids or parents and everyone will have a story and you'll start seeing these overlapping stories with yours and you'll go that's me in fact i didn't even realize that was me but that's me and then then you hug and you cry and you exchange cell phone numbers yeah and then you you go to dinner and it's when we can do it as a community together it's just so it lifts you up and that's why the pandemic was so hard when we separated yes because we are community-based people we need we need to be in the room not not on a facetime call with someone grieving yeah you need to be in a in a room sharing a meal with some other women that could just hold you and say gloria this your story happened to me 32 years ago yes and and you'll just you'll find lifetime friends through this that you share this in a fraternity that you never wanted to join yeah but it's you'll love it but thank god for that here's here's the thing that that i will share with you again you know i'm pastor so it's always going to come back to faith for me is that your grief your pain your questions your anger maybe even towards god god's big enough to handle all of that god's big enough to take your questions god's big enough to help you navigate your grief the bible says that jesus was a man of sorrows that he was well acquainted with grief like he he experienced it he knew what it was like to be forsaken on the cross he knew what it was like to be rejected by his own people he knew what it was like to be denied by his own disciples and he is well acquainted he can handle the the the raw and and the intense and and the even the explicit frustration and and grief and pain so i would encourage you to take it to god and as you do what you're going to see is you're going to see that healing begin to happen i would encourage you as a believer to continue to pray continue to go to church even when it's difficult it feels hard continue to worship god put on worship music just put on you know and do that because i will also say that when we worship god in grief and in despair it's really special to god and why is that because that's only that worship we can only give god on this side of eternity one day we'll be in heaven we'll never be able to give god that kind of worship again but we can give it here and as we do that and as we trust him what he begins to do is he begins to heal our heart he begins to heal our pain the bible says that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony the more you begin to share your story with other people you're going to heal on the inside because god is faithful love it i love this podcast in the sense that we're talking to gloria but i know there's a lot of people listening that go oh yeah that's me yeah the people that didn't email yeah that's me yeah that's me right now insert my story here gloria i want to say that lastly i want to say this too beware of guilt guilt is a is a thief and a liar and i'm not talking even in the sense of the death itself of your your husband but in the sense that you might smile or laugh and instantly feel guilty that you just smiled and laughed and your husband's dead how could you dare smile yeah or enjoy this meal yeah or go to a concert and laugh in a song how dare you do that when your husband's dead that is a liar and that is a thief of your joy don't let it enter your mind don't fall into the temptation of thinking that you can't be whatever your emotion is now whether that's smiling happy or crying or mourning whatever it is is okay yeah wherever you are and whatever you feel if you feel like laughing yeah that's okay yeah just live in that just be in that and um and i hope you email back and we could get an update that would be great yeah brother this has been fun hey thank you so much thank you for having me and thank you all so much for the questions and uh really i just feel like man i've just stepped into the living room of so many people and so that's just that's just incredible thank you all for your your transparency your vulnerability and for inviting me in uh to this space uh just the thrill of my life man an honor to be here to be a part of this i i hope that you come back i hope we can continue this they might not they might not they might not not allow you to come they might be like we got to have daniel man you got to have that i would love to get him back on the podcast i think i think that we're going to start seeing that man because you're uh you really you're good at this hey bro thank you so much and i just thank you for your friendship and uh man just the blessing you are in my life thank you my brother we'll see you guys soon thanks for joining me on the grangersmith podcast i appreciate all of you guys you could help me out by rating this podcast on itunes if you're on youtube subscribe to this channel hit that little like button and notifications bell so that you never miss any time i upload a video if you have a question for me that you would like me to answer email grangersmith podcast at gmail.com yigi [Music]

Channel: Granger Smith

Views: 9,386

Keywords: Granger Smith, Yee Yee, Granger Smith Podcast, country boy song, granger smith new album 2020, yee yee apparel, country podcast, gary vee podcast, granger smith vlog, granger smith family vlog, yee yee life, best podcast, depression motivation, struggling with depression, the smiths

Id: TkEpER-aJE0

Length: 65min 17sec (3917 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 20 2021