3.5 years in prison changed everything

[Music] so excited to tell you guys that this week if you're watching this in real time we start touring again we got a five day run we're going to be this week on april 22nd cheyenne wyoming april 23rd in inman kansas april 24th in manhattan kansas and april 25th in sioux falls south dakota i hope to see you guys at one or more of those shows and if not we're going to be doing more and more we're going to be announcing these and i'll continue to kind of talk about them on this program as they come in because we're just pumped to finally get back on the road and see you guys again we're opening up meet and greets again so you could find all of that information where do you get a meet and greet how do you meet me how do you talk to me how can you ask me a question in person just like you would ask me on this podcast you go to grangersmith.com and right there at the very front page as soon as you get there it's going to say meet granger click on that or tour which i think is on the all very easy to find um and more and more of these dates are going to be start to to come out and be announced just cannot be more excited about it super excited about this episode too because i have a friend of mine his name is brandon puffer he is a a former a former major league pitcher slash current motivational speaker and he has just an amazing story you're gonna see what this title is all about as we start talking about it you could see his journey where he went how he learned how he got better and some of his life in the major leagues and we're going to answer with brandon your questions with if you have any questions for me ever email grangersmith grangersmithpodcast gmail.com we'll get to them with whatever guest i have today is brandon you're really lucky for those of you that i answered questions today you're lucky because brandon is uh he comes from a really solid foundation of self-help and learning and uh it is how often you get your answers your questions answered by a major league pitcher so i've got my brain is so excited right now that we're touring too so all that together welcome to the podcast episode 80 yigi [Music] dip cans and diesels [Music] [Music] invasion [Music] so several years ago i was going every morning to anytime fitness the gym and there's this dude in there working out big dude for those of you that don't have video you're not watching brandon's a big dude he's a big how to how big are you how tall and why i am six three two seventy okay okay yeah yeah all muscle all muscle yeah right no for real yeah right so there's a student there and he's like the the extrovert of the gym talks to everybody i kind of always have my headphones in and at one point you know we started talking and you thought i was a fireman i think first that's what you you asked you said were you a fireman yes i did i did you had that fireman looking guys man so every morning we became closer and closer and then it took a step where we were friends outside of just the gym you know we became text buddies we talked a lot and you're just one of these guys man that that and it's the kind of guy i like to bring on this podcast because you have a well thought out well-grounded answer to life's problems and you could if i say man buffer i got man i got something i'm kind of dealing with you could sit down with empathy listen and give a a very good mature manhood type answer and i love that and i love that we have people on this podcast that listen that that have these endless questions that they email me and i love to be able to discuss them as if we're sitting around a campfire and just it's like it's me and you and then someone else and they go man can i go can i ask you guys a question something you know this relationship i'm in or this job i'm in right now or or something with my mom you know whatever it might be and we can go yeah man let me think about it without notes without preparation we can dive into it wow yeah so i want to do that with you today with some questions that i found and if anyone has a question you could email grangersmithpodcast gmail.com could be about anything could be music related could be fun could be deep could be dark could whatever it might be we're not afraid to get into it but before we do that something you were telling me in the gym when i first met you some time would go by and you'd say one of these days i want to tell you my my story i'm telling my story yeah and we i don't we never officially did that wow in person right right but i did at some point i was like you know late at night i was like man i don't know like wikipedia that's good yeah yeah yeah right yeah just to find out if i could see what your story was yeah not that wikipedia is a good reference for anything but i was blown away yeah pitcher in the major leagues which the way i look at it in in in music terms to to get a record deal have a number one song those are those are kind of the ways we we will rate each other in a lot of ways meaning that and it's not it's not always talent that does that it's it's a lot of blessings that do that but in sports to play baseball a lot of people play baseball to be a pitcher a smaller group do that to do it at a high level a smaller group to go into the minor leagues a tiny tiny group to go into the majors tiny of the tiny and then to actually start and have a successful career it's um it's a unicorn right it's almost impossible and that's you yeah that's you sitting next to a major league successful major league pitcher but you have a story and there's a little bit of that on on the wikipedia page yeah but i wanted to before we get into anything else i wanted you if you're comfortable just getting into that story a little bit yeah yes i'm 100 comfortable with that um gosh the biggest part of my story for me in shaping who i am now is is the rock bottom right right adversity is where we all kind of find out what we're made of find out what our foundation is and so man yeah super proud of of you know making it to the big leagues and having a career and i was just talking to ben out there he's a boston red sox fan and i didn't tell him but i have i won a world series room with those guys and it's like some of the stuff that happened seems like and maybe you can relate to this granger it's like that's like another person out there like it doesn't even didn't happen to me you know and so and i'm very proud of it my family's proud of it but yeah my my story is basically that i felt like growing up if i had one day in the big leagues i mean like a lot of kids i just want to be a pro baseball player man i did and that my life would be complete that's kind of um the way i like to share it with people and um gosh i now look at it as kind of like a god-shaped hole within me that i was trying to fill with so much stuff and i thought man one day in the big leagues that's it that's what i'm here for i'm complete and i just found out that wasn't the case and uh i had a lot of demons i was fighting off the field so what point did you realize that so you made it to the yes right yes yes it was it was it when you got called up did you get called up right or did you go straight in i did i got drafted out of high school mm-hmm i went to the minor leagues and when i got drafted i thought hey kind of is this it no it's like no no this isn't it well i'll just keep working and go to the big leagues okay and then i did in um april of 2002 i was playing triple a ball in new orleans for the astros and um got called up to the big what was that like was it a phone call no manager called me in the office after the game it's one of those he's managing to see an office type deal yeah and it's either we're firing you or it's good so this one was good and uh it was a it was hey you're joining the big club in cincinnati tomorrow um it took me a while i was i think 26 a good time i'd spent some some significant time in the minor leagues and um yeah i mean it was it was very cool and you go out and call your family and hey the dream you've always you know wanted it absolutely was an awesome feeling but then i showed up cincinnati the next day the next day oh yeah immediately that's how baseball works it's where were you living where was the minor league team new orleans so you got on the plane on a plane to cincinnati you packed what you had that night after the game yeah yeah it's that way i don't think people realize that it's that way if it's a good call that's an easy call like man i'm i'm walking on cloud i'm on cloud nine i'm packing getting what i need and going but it's that way if it you're traded or it's that way if you're released it's like okay you're gone like right then so uh from this point you probably played baseball for 20 years yes i had i had yes and i had actually spent i think it was seven or eight years in the minor leagues before that call up so not that everybody doesn't appreciate their call up but um man it was uh after spending a lot of time building to it and being released by a few teams and having some adversity it was a great it was a great feeling i mean no doubt about it showed up in cincinnati and you got the bagwells and biggios and berkman's and the big dogs you know and my jersey's next to him is like wow incredible so a lot of great memories but i think pretty immediately well it kind of just floated around for a couple weeks and then started realizing you know just what's next you know oh maybe it's got to get a big contract or i gotta and again you probably relate to this but it wasn't instant fulfillment it wasn't it wasn't uh well it was immediately and then it dissipated pretty fast sure okay i did it now i gotta stay now i gotta stay now i gotta perform now you have to succeed right exactly yeah exactly and so and i think part of it too is being a huge baseball fan as a kid i mean i'm a huge fan there's ball players that you go home they don't watch a game come on man we're gonna watch a game we just did this all day you know i kind of want to do this and i'm just a big fan so i got a little star struck by a lot of the guys around me guys who are now in the batter's box type deal what year was this 2002 okay yeah 2002. yeah so i see i grew up for some reason i don't know i grew up in dallas but i had eric davis posters on my wall yeah yeah and you know those in the 80s but i don't remember why yeah but i just love the reds i love them too man number 44 yeah held his hands real low when he hit yeah eric dave was a stud uh yeah so that i don't think he was there but like barry larkin was a big staple for cincinnati at the time and that kind of stuff so it was neat but um gosh i'll tell you it's hard bouncing around in my story but what it was a common common theme beginning in high school for me was knowing what i wanted to do but then really fighting the demons of you know alcohol and women and being a tough guy whatever i thought would fill that god-shaped hole that didn't nor did baseball an ordered world series ring nor did anything else and so it took kind of like you said that um that rock bottom that adversity and for me that was a little more hardcore than a lot of people um you know you read the book of jonah and it's like jonah was a knucklehead and he needed three days in the the belly of a whale not me i needed three and a half years in prison it was like not three days how did that happen three and a half years man i went out with the guys i um i had beca i i was sober for five years i went to celebrate recovery sober for five years dad wasn't a recovering alcoholic i just knew it was pretty obvious i'm a pretty all-in or all-out guy right everything i do yep and you saw that at the gym right and so it became pretty obvious i wasn't the guy that could just have a couple drinks and be okay yeah no judgment to whoever can that's awesome but i wasn't a good social drinker i was all out frank the tank every time so um i had learned that the hard way a few times and so you know i had become a christian in my life in 1998 grew up with a mom that was just an angel i mean she's pastoral care leader for saddleback church rick warren in california and had just on a die i thought about what you said about being a guy who can listen with empathy and and i was thinking in my head when you're saying like i don't know why that is and people do tend to open up and listen but i just it's pretty easy now i think about my mom that's what she does and has always done not for a living but just in life if people are in trouble or someone passes away or something happens that's really hard they call her in you know and so i'm like huh okay well maybe there's some of that there and so you know faith was in my life but my dad was not a man of faith at the time he was a tough dude he was a drinker and a fighter and you know everything else that comes along with that stereotypical image and i wanted to be more like him honestly at the time and so you know went through and fought a lot of that as a boy it almost didn't matter what your dad did as a boy you just want to be that because he's a man 100 and you're not 100 so and that's such an important piece of fatherhood yes that whatever you're going to do you're going to influence yes it's your choice yes and to that point my dad went to celebrate recovery uh became a born-again christian and i watched the change in his life and that was a huge thing for me because again my mom was awesome i mean she was faithful all the time we didn't know any better i mean that was her but when my dad's life changed as a father i looked at that and for the father's other it's like oh there's something to this she's just always been that way and yeah he just changed when he gave his life away what's going on what's different you know and so so that really did did pique my interest and so um i did i became a christian in 1998 but i didn't have that surrendered lifestyle yep right it was kind of a white knuckle i'm not going to drink anymore i'm going to do what christians are supposed to profess the faith but you didn't possess it that's good yeah that's exactly right that's exactly right and so i actually ended up um having a separation from my first wife i was in spring training 2004 with the padres kind of my first real adverse situation like what is my faith made of and it was pretty surface level because the enemy took that opportunity to go hey man you're on your own now you're a little more mature now you can handle this drinking thing you can come on man and uh i just kind of fell back into that lifestyle and pretty fast once i open that door right back in and uh you know the nightlife and the going out and all that comes with all that that junk that we won't glorify but um yeah so i was on a slippery slope from that point and and to your question of how did that happen three and a half years in the in the belly of uh not the whale but uh the prison which is probably much like it right um i went out with the guys one night kind of a i'm just gonna kind of make a few um justifications here and this is one night of my life what's the big deal right um and i went out and i partied and hung out with the guys and and ended up just making a really bonehead decision and um it was i was in a blackout no excuse but i just i made a poor choice and and that choice was based on um a lot of how i was living and thought it would be okay um i don't know sometimes i pg it sometimes i don't i don't know what you want me to do on here everyone right now that's listening is thinking what is that and i don't mind that it's wide open i go speak i do but yeah i'll just be honest with you but i was um back in an apartment complex in frisco texas where i i was playing at the time with the the rangers by this time i had been in the big leagues uh for those who've seen bull durham the rangers called me back to be that older guy to kind of be there for their young prospects in double a so i was the 33 year old in double a and um man i went and there was a lady that i had met that lived in that apartment complex and i i thought it would be okay to go knock on her door and see if she was having a they just have a lot of parties at that apartment and my buddies three in the morning they're like go to bed yeah no yeah what are you doing go to bed i couldn't shut it off it was like ah got it again i'm all in i'm all in yeah all in yeah and so yeah i'm just gonna just gonna be real straight up and and say i the door was unlocked i walked in and i tried to take off my clothes and get in bed with her and man most people hear that are like what in the world and then i've had people hear that and go oh man i've put myself in some pretty bad spots and and so yeah i got burglar rehabilitation because i walked in there without being invited and with intent to commit sexual assault um because while my intentions were not good you know it wasn't like you go hold someone it's like we don't know what your intentions were you weren't invited there you weren't supposed to be there and that was a choice i made and so that'll carry that'll walk with me the rest of my life that one decision um and that's how i ended up doing three and a half years in prison and where was the prison i was kind of all over texas i was all over texas i was up in bonham buster coal unit um set the bird unit i finished at the walls in huntsville and just you know sharing my story now i went and spoke to the baseball team in sam houston a couple years ago matt daggs a good buddy of mine and he asked me to come speak to his team and i did and man that that campus where i was talking that locker room was a stone's throw just about from where i finished my prison sentence and just what god does and where he puts you and wow some of the people i was able to um interact with and and and talk to and some of the stories and i'll tell you one of them being within those walls i mean when i surrendered it was day one and it wasn't i had a five year sentence i did three and a half and it wasn't a prayer at this point of getting me out of this that was the case leading up to the trial i was like just get me out of this yep come on i don't want to go to prison get me out of this no when those bars hit and they sentence me it was okay i surrender this is where i got myself what do you got for me i mean what is it and it's almost like prison ministry started day one so survival but it was open your eyes and see what's around you and the one story i'm gonna share with you is um there's multiples but this one stands out to me is i i had a selly you know eight by ten cell walked in and it's pretty customary you don't ask what people are there for how long they're there you just kind of mind your business you know and i walked in and he was on the top bunk and it was summertime we were just telling how hot the texas summer's already been right yep no ac in these metal buildings in prison i mean it is rough man and uh he's always sitting up there in his boxers and said hey how's it going man what are you doing he said oh i'm just trying to give some of this time back to the state so he mentioned this so you got a lot of time yeah three life sentences and like well you can you can pretty much guess what had happened yeah someone's doing three nights and now you're an eight by ten with this guy yep all right here we go right so um i held my cards pretty close at first but we started talking and opening up and his nickname was bone and i'm sitting here with bone talking about how he viciously did he killed three people and um and uh as we got through something all i had was my little pocket bible with me i was in transit says hello pocket bible and i'm just just like you said man i was just listening and i was just i'd read and he'd ask a couple questions you know whatever and man i spent about 10 days 23 hour lockdown in there with bone and he he shared with me grandeur that um the day before i came in that cell he had hung his sheets up because he was going to hang himself because he had no hope and he said man you came in and gave me some hope and i'm like god where can i ever where would i have that opportunity man and and so just having a heart for people i didn't always have i was very selfish and wrapped up in my career and getting better getting the next level but yeah that's how my rock bottom happened and then fortunately i wasn't giving up on and was able to use that story for some good do you ever hear about where bone is i've looked him up i went i won't use his real name he looked but he's still obviously there and um and um you know a couple i guess funny tidbits when we were hanging out you know he'd say i'm not a violent man you know and i'm like bone you got rage tattooed on your stomach and the grim reaper like and that's true he did he's like he's like uh yeah but so he's still doing you know doing his time and then he will be for for forever but yeah it was it's just one example of kind of stuff that goes on that right now you and i sit here and we don't even probably think about what guys you're going through behind those walls right now so yeah that was that was you missed baseball um at the time it took me a while it took me a while because baseball was everything i didn't know who i was outside of the basketball player no idea yeah and so i kind of really put it to the back of my mind and some guys would find out that i played and they'd want to talk about a little bit and that was fine um but tvs are a big problem and pretty you know a lot of fights a lot so it wasn't like i was going to go in and watch it but you know just i didn't think about it for a while and then um actually you know much at all and i didn't follow it and i didn't um and then when i was getting ready to get out um reed ryan with the round rock express um just one of those guys you know you find out who you're who your friends are right right and i had several of them several really good friends and then some you know you just get three and a half years the world just keeps going and it just passes by and can't blame anyone for that and he was very faithful in keeping up with me and offered me a job in round rock at the dell diamond as a a maintenance guy maintenance i'm doing air quotes because i can't fix a thing but it was like man if i got a paint or stain or and that's what i did and pressure wash and i did and as i got back there and was at the stadium and occasionally the guys would be there it was like oh man that's when i really was like this is in me like this i miss this and i'm like i don't know what you have but man i miss baseball and so i started doing a couple private lessons here and there they'd pop up and then i actually became kind of a baseball outreach coordinator for them and then i branched off and started a youth in high school program and baseball is 24 hours again for me it's just in trend it's just every you know and so so it's a round rock expressed what got you to central texas originally in 2001 i played for the express okay backing up 2001 came played in round rock fell in love with the area was living in california obviously the cost of living the whole deal i had two little boys and we moved here after that season and so um been here ever since in central texas but yeah that is the expressway got me here and um love it i mean i couldn't wish would happen sooner but yeah 2001 i came out here and so and yeah just like i said you know the ryan family and just the the being a baseball family and just the way i played a lot of minor league towns man and like you you go to a town you go out hey nice town whatever yeah i'm not looking to live there but it was different here and it was because of the family atmosphere and the way they they they treated the team and all that kind of stuff it's pretty neat i'm sure all of your minor league towns are represented on this podcast yeah i'm sure they have a lot of fans of all the the teams that you played for the majors as well yeah so what what are some of the teams you mentioned cincinnati you mentioned the rangers padres that i played for yeah that you played for sure yeah um the only teams i've made it up with were the astros like we said the red sox the giants and the padres i got you but man the minor league towns i mean i couldn't name them all i mean 15 years of it just since clinton iowa to boise idaho to i mean all over the place i wish i could name them all because it's just really cool to just go in and see kind of the different just the different things about each mia league town and stadium and it was really neat i really enjoyed that yeah how did you imprison how did you satisfy that rush that you got on the mound that your whole life you built up to that moment ball in the glove there's a stadium looking at you right right to make this next move nothing happens and not you don't even count the stadium you could also count tv right all the people watching the announcers that the the other managers the other teams the other dugouts right everything happens when you make it happen when you take the ball to your glove how do you reconcile that from going from that to a 8x10 cell with bone yeah you know you really couldn't you really couldn't but that was important is that not even a thing for you it is a thing it is a thing there is that moment and there is that rush and and there is all that that comes there and really once that in it was like how will i ever get that back right yeah um and in prison what what i think needed to happen was that needed to be taken away from me because that allowed me to just focus on that and then i'd finish knowing if it was good okay good i'm going to the next one how do i work in between if it was bad beat yourself up i gotta get better i gotta get better i get better all about me me me my career my career and then there i didn't have that you know i worked out a lot if i couldn't get out of sale a lot of push-ups you know that kind of stuff to just keep my my physical in my mind just kind of but it was it was at times when you locked down all i had was the bible just read or just books just read read i read book you know a couple books a day and that's not going to provide or reconcile what you talked about but i think in order to be folk to this day right now i will tell you that the coaching and giving back to these kids and watching young men go play out of college or being a you know a liaison for them through schools gives me that i didn't know it going on the weekend going to war with these guys coaching gives me what i had when i was pitching but i needed the three and a half years of not getting that to focus on where i needed to be and to this day having that back with the kids and the program and the business i'll never be i say never by choice you could choose doing anything you want to do but i will never have or put in that time that i did during that time was just it was nothing but books and improving myself and in the word and the spirituality and just it was a time like no other so without prison you aren't the man you are today no chance that's crazy right 100 yeah you take out arguably the i mean it's got to be the biggest adversity that you've ever faced take that out and your life is not the same not good no no way it's it's self-absorbed it's um i was on my way to being a coach in pro ball i was probably gonna coach for the ranger excuse me once that that little stint of doing the bull durham thing was done but yeah it was just my my own thing yeah no way it's it's not just you it's anyone could look at their life and go the the biggest piece of adversity i faced take that out and i'm not the same not better i'm not at my my full potential without it that's crazy i think it's going back to working out same thing your muscles don't grow unless you break them down and the harder you break them down the better and more reliable they're going to grow yeah there's got to be some pain some sort yes um you're absolutely right it's a great analogy and we use it with the young men that we coach and it's it's exactly right until you break it down um you know it's easy to just go through life and i'll use a baseball analogy you just you're just kicking team's butt you're winning you're the best you're it really is easy everyone gets along it's happy and then all of a sudden you get your back against the wall and you start you take one in the mouth and you you get hit in the mouth and it's like people start who turns on who what are we really about now right and so yeah i agree i think there's no doubt do we want to go through it no we don't and part of my story other people were hurt that's the part that hurts um it wasn't just about again not just about me yeah um there was a victim involved there's families that were hurt there you know what i mean so it's hard to say i'm glad i went through that but the prison part and the the walking that out and where god had to get a hold of me i'm glad i went through that part and you know what i didn't hurt anybody else i'm sure and what else is is easy is you going to prison and going i'm such a loser i guess this is it yeah yeah i'll just be a loser the rest of my life i knew i knew i wasn't as good as i thought i was i tried so hard and i achieved this success but i deep down i knew it never would not this is who i really am just a loser you could easily do that too and miss the opportunity of what was going to build you bigger and better than you ever were yeah absolutely and you know what those thoughts like that come they come i'm sure they did you know they come three and a half years yeah long nights i'm sure they do absolutely you got to really fight those thoughts and i think the only way i found to keep negative thoughts from festering and coming in it's just by by adding positive thoughts removing those putting positive thoughts i read a book called um as a man think it by james allen and it was a lot about that it was about your mind's like a garden like you can't stop thinking you can't keep your garden from growing but if you don't fertilize and seed and put the right stuff in it's gonna be weeds it's gonna be thoughts you don't want so good man and that thing hit me hard man so good yeah let's take a break come right back awesome this podcast is brought to you free of charge by features one of my favorite sponsors for the podcast features have you ever thought about this as much as you research and invest in everything that you use in your life for your work and for your play and for leisure for your sports for working out how much have you thought about your socks probably not very much if you're anything like me then you just get the simplest stocks you could find because they're in bulk and you buy them and 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going to prove that by this next question do you want to get into these come on sure let's go i'm going to start you out on a lighter note it says granger you've been answering a lot of deep questions lately so i thought i'd send you this little fun one i've watched you eat a ton of tamales and tacos before a show what happens if you're on stage and you really need to go poo i've always wondered about this heather from kentucky shout out to kentucky thank you heather and i'm going to shoot this straight over brandon because i think i could this has to be a thing in baseball too i mean what if you're on the mound yeah yeah or mate does that ever happen yes or no if you're in the bullpen waiting your turn to pitch yes and i was a big routine guy for my career grant you're like yeah if if you move my chair an inch i knew it if it was the fourth inning i would disappear to the clubhouse and come back and one time our pitching coach mike maddox who's now big time biggie fidget goes called me and goes hey how's that fourth inning poop and i'm like how do you know where i was every fourth inning you disappear so i tried to alleviate that before getting out on the mountain i don't remember ever having to uh to make that emergency timeout and run to the dugout gotcha yeah that makes sense what about you um i've never had it on stage i think there's something about adrenaline yes that will just suppress it yes but i've had those moments where it's like an hour before the show and it's it's like man i gotta go and it on a normal night with a normal venue and there's a there's a nice bathroom right there in the green room great yeah but there's a handful it seems like it always happens on these kind of nights when it's say it's like a festival like a county fair yeah we can't go on the bus that's just a thing can't go on the bus so there's a county fair and there's a porta potty right outside my bus and the door is facing the crowd and they're all out there man so i'm thinking i gotta go out there open the door wave to some people go in for a while yeah come back out wait i can't do it admittedly i can't do that wow so do you want the most incredible prison bus poop story yes yes is this podcast fit prison bus poop yeah so you said you don't poop on the bus yeah standard standard percent yeah procedure minor league bus don't you dare yeah don't do it we're all gonna be on this bus right yeah so just imagine a bunch of hardened inmates on a prison bus cuffed together oh you better believe you don't poop on that bus yeah when i was doing my time i had to go to a medical appointment in galveston because my stomach was messed up so i had to get a colonoscopy those are fun no matter where you get them but in prison they're really fun right so i had to do all the prep i had to deal with prep went in i had my procedure back on the bus we're rolling the prep hit me i'm on this bus and i'm looking around and i'm like i gotta go i gotta go gotta go poop and there's this just really nasty toilet in the middle of everybody which isn't abnormal in prison you get used to yeah you're not getting privacy right but not on the bus and the guy next to me looks and he's like well you okay no you don't understand like it's not going to wait this prep for the clone it's not waiting yeah i got up sorry dudes i mean immediately the grumbling's up oh my no way [Laughter] i can't there's no other op the other option is really bad because it's happening yeah so yeah that that was one of my stories i occasionally heather had no idea heather from kentucky had no idea this was going there if i'm in that county fair situation i will do there's only one thing i'll do i'll put on a hood and i'll walk two miles to the nearest gas station wow i'll walk three miles to the nearest gas station but when there's a porta potty five feet away i won't use it if that door is facing the crowd that's just i mentally i can't take it so i'll hike three miles to the gas station and grab an energy drink on the way back yeah go get a drink i love it man all right let's see we have let's do let's do step dad step daughter struggles that's that's the subject line here it says hey grandeur my name is matt i'm from a small town in missouri my wife and i have seen you in concert numerous times and love you in the family thank you matt he says i have two stepchildren whom i love as my own i would absolutely do anything to see them smile but my 12 year old step-daughter and i struggled to build a strong relationship her only vision of a dad is an alcoholic drug addict that beats her and her family my son and i have a powerful connection i always feel like i'm not good enough or that i'm doing everything wrong please i need help because this drives me insane and it's hard to be all i could be and only feel sub-par wow so yeah thanks thanks matthew i appreciate you buddy um shout out to missouri great question probably pretty common question a lot of people dealing with uh blended families like this i i don't know if this is a question you purposely brought up because i'm on here no i but i saw a step daughter struggles wow so matt i have two i call them bonus daughters two step daughters when i got out so i didn't know that i got well i knew you have your daughter yeah so i have two two biological daughters yeah and a biological son my wife and i got married two bonus daughters i could not empathize more with matt because one of them absolutely 100 percent accepted me as their dad and their treat them like my own they are my own um was raising them day in and day out um and the struggles were real they had a similar um they've seen a similar father figure in their life the biological father and man i'll tell you what one of them we just connected not right off there was a struggle at first because my my wife was a single mom for 10 years so i was like wait a minute who are we sharing with yeah but once we work through all that i mean there there couldn't be any more i love yous and and you're you're my dad and you're the best and you're and then the other one incredible relationship but i feel and maybe matt feels this way that that she feels if she says i love you to me if she opens up all the way to me she's she's doing something wrong towards her her dad yeah that's the best way i've been able to look at it because i've struggled i fought through it i've tried everything and then eventually what i did is i just let it go i just said you know i'ma love them the best way i can love them they do love me if she won't say it or she will or she won't she she does they do yeah and they love matt and they man being a stepfather ranger is hard man it's hard but it is so rewarding because to step in and take that role um it's not an easy thing to do and then to feel like it's not being accepted or appreciated hurts the the man ego hurts the pride like yeah what i'm doing for you yeah you know what i mean and and i just had to kind of get out of this and i still struggle i still struggle man but i i mean i couldn't relate more to a question because it's the exact scenario and my best advice not that i'm some kind of pro but is just keep loving them the best way you can and they're going to see it and they're the wife and his wife right oh and his wife she yeah she's going to see it i just think it's one of those things that in the trenches gets tough but looking back if you just stay consistent and stay loving and stay and doing exactly what he's doing well she's 12 does that matter that's the exact age of um haley who was my younger step-daughter when we met exact age and ashley was 14. so pivotal years right pivotal pivotal years and you step in and all that little girls are going through and you're there as a man and they will see it and they will appreciate it they will but it'll be a struggle so i think what brandon also what he's saying matt is that you feeling subpar and this driving you and saying that's in your head because what she's given you this 12 year old girl what she's given you isn't necessarily what's in her heart she's putting up a front right right um and she's feeling this guilt of sharing her love with another dad that's not biological and with that she's gonna she's gonna give you resistance we've all seen girls they're great at giving resistance that's just they're like naturally born to do that yeah and it's a good thing yeah for the most part that's why i'm you know my little girl she is when she wants something she's strong about it man you just could not break that right so it's not on you if if you're fulfilling your job that's not on you right so you give you give her that love you give your son your step son that love and most importantly above those you give your wife that love and watch that trickle down and one day it might not be tomorrow it might not even be for 10 years she might be 22 years old before she has a breakthrough and goes you know what matt or whatever she calls you thank you so much for for treating mom the way you did for loving us for giving us a home providing for us when you didn't have to yeah it's like that old brad paisley song the man he didn't have to be yeah and you it's a it this is a war of attrition with her you know there's no way you're going to convince her tomorrow or you're going to bring home flowers or candy and all of a sudden convince her that oh yeah i love you matt i love you this is a war of attrition you're going to look at this as 20 years of consistency and that's going to matter to her amber you know my wife she has had a stepdad that in so many ways has done everything right he's provided for them he's loved them and he didn't just step into her life and her just go oh automatic love like mom right right mom's got something different right you know right there's more to it the kids it's it takes you have to earn that and you're doing it right yeah and another thought on that grandeur and i'm thinking this my own life is because of what you explained and what's been shown to them and modeled to them as a father there's been some hurt there yeah and now think about how scary that is to get vulnerable and go totally made all right i'm open i'm giving it to you are you gonna hurt me are you gonna break my heart are you right are you gonna go to drugs yeah yeah so there's probably a lot in there that i can't even imagine what what these these kiddos are going through in my life as well to where as much as they might want to give it all and be vulnerable it's tough dude just keep loving them man i say this too man what's obvious about this that brandon knows too is the difference between of the boy and the girl girls are just smarter at this age yeah they're just more perceptive yeah they're digging way deeper the guy's like oh he throws a baseball with me yeah he takes me to get pizza he's so cool yeah that's easy yes that's very true yeah he showed me how to shoot a deer rifle i like this guy yeah no a girl is going to take years because they are just natural those creatures are just naturally more perceptive and let's face it they're just smarter they're just especially at 12. yeah yeah absolutely dude great question matt that's awesome let's go to let's see what this one says says hey i'm clayton dottie i'm from newport oregon i've been struggling with close friends and people using me for my kindness and leaving me and it's made me struggle a little bit because some of those were my closest friends ever they were brothers and sisters to me and they left and like i said it hurt and affected me a lot i've been trying for a long time now to overcome and learn how to be happy on my own so i was curious how do you get over that and not to think about it and let it affect you so he says he's been struggling with his close friends and people using him for his kindness and leaving him and it's made him struggle a little because they were close to him i think there's something more to this clayton first of all shout out to oregon thank you for writing in um i think you're answering your own question by saying you're trying to overcome and be happy on your own which is like step one these people are not going to provide your happiness for you no matter who they are i personally feel like they were the wrong friends to begin with the wrong crowd right right yeah um don't ever don't ever look at it as your kindness drove anybody away that's just not that's not gonna the right person is not ever gonna be driven away by kindness um hey i think i think clayton is filtering out some new friends some friends that uh he's gonna open himself up to draw the the right people in i think so too and i think i think man just stranger it comes down to expectations right um what are your expectations of these people you expected more right you expected them to reciprocate the kindness and man clayton i hate to say this we're all learning this it's like people are just going to let you down people are people and they they they know how to hurt and they're selfish by nature and so i think i hate to say lower your expectations no you should have high expectations for good friends but if your expectations of these folks were one thing and and you're receiving another then like ranger said they're probably not the ones that are going to stick with you through thick and thin and yeah you're finding that out yeah maybe maybe clayton um maybe you're smothering a little bit too maybe that's part of this maybe it to switch the word kindness maybe you're smothering a little bit maybe you're too much sometimes and that goes back to you saying i need to be happy on my own so um you know what sometimes going to a new gym you just did this go to a new gym and it opens yourself up to new people and it doesn't have to be a gym it could be any kind of hobby or it could even be a grocery store you switch grocery stores there's there's new people new faces and um i think it's a positive thing clayton i think you're opening yourself up to a new chapter um man brandon said it right people are going to let you down if you expect if you expect them to fulfill you and create your happiness inside they're going to let you down every time so will parents so we'll step parents yeah so step daughters you we're all human so yeah it's a good question dude thank you for writing thank you for the transparency right yeah honestly that's really good yeah absolutely um i want to i want to go to this questions from an expecting dad that's the subject says hey grandeur my name is cameron i'm from la crosse wisconsin shout out to wisconsin wisconsin i've been listening to your music for a very long time my wife and i started watching the smiths and i appreciate you buddy says you and amber have a very contagious positive outlook i got married in october first baby is due in july hopefully july 4th because america and we we close on a house in a couple weeks we've decided my wife is going to be a stay-at-home mom you and matt demo are good father role models that i want to strive to be what advice would you give to a new dad also i want to talk about your positive attitudes i used to be a 100 percent glass half full kind of guy but over the last year i've really been struggling to stay positive how do you stay in such a positive mood and that's the part of the question i saw and thought this is a puffer question oh because we could talk about what to expect as a new dad but i've said this kind of thing a lot on this podcast and i think um being a new dad be present be engaged um don't don't start looking past each little baby stage because god gives you the exact amount of time you need before that baby grows and you learn with the kid you know so you don't have to start thinking about how are you going to baby proof the house when they're an infant you just worry about bottle feeding you don't have to when they're a toddler you don't have to start worrying about them dating you're going to have enough time to learn that stuff so don't don't worry just soak in you're hardwired to know how to do this so just soak it in be present congratulations on closing on the house but what i want to talk about is the um the glass half full that you used to be and now you're struggling to stay positive what do you think brandon get everyone that meets brandon puffer walks away and goes that is a positive dude if there was any adjective to describe you positive wow thank you man that's a lot of pressure and you kind of explained a little bit of that yeah you know the first you mentioned earlier when we first met um we were at the same gym um head nod it's happening what's going on buddy see you see the same people right and i remember the first thing you came up said to me you said i don't i do i remember i have a weird memory man like an elephant and you were like brandon dude all right what are you selling because i'm buying it what is it and i said what what do you mean yeah yeah you're always so positive you're always smiling you're always you're out here and that's when i was like yeah i thought you were a fireman and whatever but the only way to explain it for me and i think i explained it to you this way however many several years ago when we first met was just where my hope comes from and my faith like and and it's not only that well it is only that i mean that's the biggest risk but also on top of that is just kind of perception right like gratitude gratitude what am i focused on am i focused on hey and let's be honest in the last year it's been tough right i mean it has been tough but what are we focused on am i gonna wake up every day and focus on the negativity and what's going on and i choose not to do that and it's a choice i mean i choose to go hey i've got these things to be grateful for man i've got a wife and a son and four daughters and a baseball program young men that i get to interact with and and hopefully positively impact and those are the things that keep me going now am i always positive behind closed doors of course not man the guys know the ones who know me best my wife my kiddos another another country reference right they usually get what's left of me yeah not the best of me right yeah and um and that's hard but at the end of the day the positivity that that um you know i try to to give out is just simply a choice every day like hey yeah what do you have for me today what am i focused on because i promise if i was to sit and look at all the negativity and and dwell on a lot of things going on i think that would show up in my attitude yeah and um and it's it's not always positive man but um but that is what helps me to to be a class half full guy and and have just good people around me who i surround myself with is huge that's so good cameron in february in texas we had this crazy ice storm and it basically shut down most of the entire state from whatever anyone was doing their schedule was changed sure you weren't going with your normal work you're doing you were surviving well we were on these these these power on and off rolling black were you on that we had just moved we decided to move at the front of the ice storm which was not very comfortable moving but then for whatever reason where we were in our new place we just never lost anything we were really blessed that's awesome a lot of my bands said that too yeah well the example i was going to use is that we were on this this rolling blackout and they were cycling us and we were taking notes on when the power would go out we'd say 7 pm and then the power kick on at 9 00 pm we'd go 9 p.m so we were just trying to keep some kind of schedule to figure out you know when could we use the microwave to thaw out some frozen deer meat or you know whatever it's going to be so we would when we would expect the power to come back on and it wouldn't we would get devastated and then we would expect it to cut off and it would stay on and we would celebrate and brandon said expectations well if you could keep your gratitude a little bit higher than your expectations every time yeah you're going to be happy you're going to be you're going to be a positive guy now what's crazy about my whole story is that we're celebrating power right we're celebrating the lights coming on like dude when's the last time you you turned you flipped the light switch and you just cheered and hugged yeah and yelled that's ridiculous four months ago right but here we are our expectations are super low we're just trying to stay warm we don't we're just trying to figure out what the next meal is and the lights stay on a little bit longer the heater stays on a little bit longer and we're hugging each other because our expectations were low therefore our gratefulness was way higher just to have power and then you could relate to this because there was like a tuesday afternoon or whatever when all of a sudden the sun came out and it was just beautiful blue sky now the wet it was probably 20 degrees it felt like 80 yeah yeah because of what we had been dealing with i forgot i'm talking to a wisconsin guy here so this is like he's tough he's like no big deal cameron but but man when we expected it to be five degrees and it ended up being sunny and 20 we were celebrating now today if i walked out it was 20 i would be complaining because i don't expect that my whole point is in anything in life if you keep your gratefulness it doesn't have to be a lot more but just a little bit more than your what you expect then you're going to be happy that's the key to being positive and being a glass half full kind of guy so when you got this baby coming you got this house coming you're closing on this house in a couple weeks yeah man what's crazy is you're going to walk in with the key and you're gonna put stuff you're gonna be so excited and in about six months you're gonna be tired of it it wears off so fast so just to continue to cultivate that gratefulness i don't know where you're living right now but it's six months from now be thinking about that be oh man six months ago we were in that little apartment we had to go to the third floor we had to carry cartons of milk up three floors and i had there was no parking spot so i had to park 100 yards away to walk but now i just parked in my own driveway don't let that get away from you don't ever let that driveway go away no matter how long you're in this house so it's it's a mind trick so much so it is man and i i what it tells me about me and probably us is how much we take for granted is what what i'm hearing yeah just take it for granted man like power we recently had hot water we just got ac back in our house yesterday it hasn't been very warm so whatever but it was sure right it's a big deal wow and we were celebrating i came home my wife stayed for that and she's like you hear it you feel it and we're like great example ac it's always i mean but it's huge and and just to wrap it up and cameron i would say literally write out a gratitude list and what i'm doing and your short email man i don't know you but a new house a baby a wife yes you got a lot to be grateful for man that glass is more than half america yeah come on baby come in july dude write it out that is so true man every morning make this and and for anyone that's listening do uh do a little journal i love to journal every morning and you guys have heard me talk about that and it's especially fun journaling now because i could look back on 2020 this time you know like the sky was falling last year so it's fun to go back and go to read my journals from last year and go it didn't even matter right they didn't matter right perspective wise it didn't matter right so do a little journal but then at the end of that journal just write down some things you're grateful for it could be the sun the sun's out today it could be got cold ac it could be you got you're having scrambled eggs for breakfast and you love scrambled it could be anything it's really this is not about i finally got 10 grand in the bank account it's not that it's not that i mean it can be but i'm thinking aim lower aim lower and you'll be surprised every morning just practicing that putting on paper verbalizing it man tell your wife how grateful for you are for it brandon walks in this hou in his house in three months go hug your wife and go ac she's gonna look at you like you're crazy yeah yeah but that's the perspective start taking it for granted man it's funny because just yesterday um i get up early and we still live in a barn the rv in the barn so i get up early and read and and usually the lights are off and i'm just reading by my little light there by the by my bible and amber goes around to the barn and flits on the lights to the barn that turned on and i had that little that little flutter feeling like power's on oh yeah and i told him power's on yeah yeah it was like that feeling of yes the grid i mean it's just so funny that's awesome perspective absolutely dude that's our time man wow that's our time if you want to hear more brandon reply if you're watching on youtube reply more brandon i think people are going to want to see some more of you man i don't know grand man i appreciate you having me on one thing i wanted to say for me is i mean for those who are just kind of fans and are out there and are listening to what you're doing and i'm pretty sure by now they can tell and especially watching the smiths what a genuine dude you are but like man just having lunch the other day and you're reading through these emails and you're receiving emails and you're reading them oh yeah you're right i don't give them anybody no i know you don't but i would think and i imagine i'm not the only one that would think i'm gonna email granger smith but is it my email ranger smith or whoever and then they're no man i mean it's it's impressive man and i know i've known you to be a very real guy since i thought you're a fireman but knowing what you do and and receiving these emails just how genuine you are and what you're doing for your fans is awesome man so i appreciate them it's a blessing to be here man love right back at you man appreciate you dude right now thanks grant come back all right see you guys thanks for joining me on the grander smith podcast i appreciate all of you guys you could help me out by rating this podcast on itunes if you're on youtube subscribe to this channel hit that little like button and notifications bell so that you never miss any time i upload a video if you have a question for me that you would like me to answer email grangersmithpodcast gmail.com

Channel: Granger Smith

Views: 152,357

Keywords: Granger Smith, Yee Yee, Granger Smith Podcast, Country Music, country boy song, granger smith new album 2020, yee yee apparel, the smiths, country podcast, gary vee podcast, country things, yee yee, country things granger smith, earl dibbles jr, granger smith vlog, granger smith family vlog, yee yee life, best podcast, life after prison, baseball player in prison, brandon puffer jail, brandon puffer baseball

Id: IrDWf7WXD1w

Length: 67min 6sec (4026 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 19 2021