>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. MY NEXT GUEST HOSTED EGYPT'S
FIRST POLITICAL SATIRE SHOW UNTIL THE GOVERNMENT DECIDED IT
WOULD BE EGYPT'S LAST POLITICAL SATIRE SHOW. PLEASE WELCOME BASSEM YOUSSEF! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> OH, MY GOD. I'M SO HAPPY. >> Stephen: YOU ARE? >> YEAH, I'M NOT DEPORTED YET. IT'S AMAZING. >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S
WONDERFUL. GOOD LUCK. GOOD LUCK. LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, DOCTOR,
YOU SAID AMERICA-- THIS WAS IN JULY-- YOU SAID, "AMERICA HAD
THE HEALTHY BODY OF DEMOCRACY WITH A LARGE ORANGE MOLE ON ITS
ASS." ( LAUGHTER ). >> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU ARE A FORMER
DOCTOR. WHAT IS YOUR PROGNOSIS NOW? >> HERE'S MY PROFESSIONAL
OPINION, STEPHEN. AND BELIEVE ME, PEOPLE SHOULD
STOP TRYING TO DIAGNOSE THE MOLE. BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE
MOLE. ( LAUGHTER )
IT COULD BE A BENIGN MOLE, A MALIGNANT MOLE, A RUSSIAN MOLE. IT COULD BE ANY KIND OF MOLE. ( LAUGHTER )
AND I THINK WE JUST HAVE TO FOCUS ON JUST GETTING RID OF THE
MOLE. AND BECAUSE NOBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT-- YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE OF PROJECTS
OUT. ONE IS YOU'VE GOT A BOOK CALLED
"REVOLUTION FOR DUMMIES." >> YES. >> Stephen: OKAY, THIS BOOK IS
OUT NEXT WEEK? >> YES. >> Stephen: NEXT TUESDAY? OKAY. YOU SAY "YOU CAN USE TRUMP AS A
WAY TO EXPLAIN DICTATORS TO US." >> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHERE DOES TRUMP
FALL ON THE DICTATOR SCALE BECAUSE HE'S NOT A DICTATOR. WHAT ARE THINGS ABOUT HIS
BEHAVIOR THAT SEEM RESONANT TO YOU. >> FIRST OF ALL, IF HE WOULD RUN
IN THE MIDDLE EAST, HE WOULD BE CONSIDERED A LIBERAL HIPPIE TREE
HUGGER. HE WOULD BE GRABBING BUSH EVERY
DAY. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU MEAN TREE, A
SMALL TREE. >> LIKE SMALL TREINGS. >> Stephen: SMALL TREE,
EXACTLY. >> AND I THINK THERE IS A LOT
THAT WE CAN OFFER TO TRUMP TO LEARN. I THINK HE'S LEARNING FAST. HE JUST --
>> Stephen: MIDDLE EASTERN DICTATORS COULD OFFER A LOT TO
TRUMP TO LEARN HOW TO DICTATE. >> TO TUNE-- LIKE FINE TUNE HIS
TYRANNY. AND THE BOOK IT'S THING IS ABOUT
THE BOOK, IT KIND OF, LIKE, YOU CAN USE IT FOR PEOPLE AS A
WARNING OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN FYOU BRAINWASH THE MASSES. FOR TRUMP IT COULD BE A GUIDE. SO YOU NEED TO BUY IT BEFORE
HIM. AND "SOLUTIONS FOR DUMMIES"
WHICH TRUMP WOULD DEFINITELY BUY. >> Stephen: I HAVE JUST
LEARNED THE EGYPTIAN PROSECUTOR HAS ORDERED THE RELEASE OF HOSNI
MUBARAK. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT? HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN IN JAIL? >> HE WAS NEVER IN JAIL. HE WAS IN A HOSPITAL ROOM FOR
FOUR YIERS. WHICH ALSO PROVES THE MIDDLE
EAST IS THE BEST PLACE FOR DICTATOR TO RETIRE. YOU CAN KILL, YOU CAN TORTURE,
YOU CAN BE CORRUPT, YOU CAN OPPRESS PEOPLE, AND STILL YOU'RE
GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK. WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD INVITE
TRUMP TO GO THERE. >> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY WOULD
APPRECIATE HIM IN WAYS THAT WE DON'T? >> AND YOU WOULD APPRECIATE THAT
HE'S GONE. SO IT WOULD BE GREAT TO HAVE
HIM. >> Stephen: NOW, WE HAVE THIS
SEGMENT WE DO ON THE SHOW HERE. IT'S CALLED "BIG FURRY HAT." >> YEAH. >> Stephen: AND WHERE I GO UP
THERE AND I MAKE DECLARATIONS TO THE PEOPLE. YOU NOTICED THAT-- WAS IT
MUBARAK OR MORSI. >> MORSI. >> Stephen: MORSI WORE A BIG
HAT. >> YES. >> Stephen: AND YOU MOCKED
HIM-- >> 2013. >> Stephen: ON YOUR SHOW BY
WEARING A BIG, STUPID HAT. ( LAUGHTER )
AND HOW DID THAT TURN OUT FOR YOU? >> OH, I-- I WAS-- THERE WAS A
WARRANT FOR MY ARREST. I WENT THERE --
>> Stephen: AFTER THIS. >> YEAH, YEAH. I WAS-- I WAS INTERROGATED FOR
SIX HOURS. IT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE THE GUY WHO
WAS INTERROGATING ME AND THE LAWYERS IN THE ROOM WERE
LAUGHING AT THE JOKES, BECAUSE HE WAS INTERROGATING ME ABOUT
THINGS I SAID IN THE SHOW. AND WHAT WAS FUNNY IS THAT AT
THE BEGINNING OF THE-- OF THE INTERROGATION, HE SAID, "WE HAVE
SOME CDs FOR YOU, YOUR EPISODE, SO WE CAN REVIEW IT." AND THEY TRIED FOR 15 MINUTES TO
PLAY IT ON THIS OUTDATED WINDOWS 95 COMPUTER. AND I TRIED TO HELP THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE IT WAS TAKING TOO LONG. >> Stephen: RIGHT. >> SO I WAS ACTUALLY HELPING
THEM TO PLAY THE EVIDENCE AGAINST ME, WHICH IS CRAZY. BUT THAT IS, LIKE, THAT'S LIKE
ONLY ONE OF THE FEW THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME. I WAS ACCUSED OF INSULTING THE
PRESIDENT, INSULTING ISLAM, SPREADING FALSE RUMORS. LATER UNDER THE CURRENT REGIME I
WAS INSULTED OF-- ACCUSED OF INSULTING THE ARMY, BEING A
SECRET OPERATIVE. BUT THE CRAZIEST ACCUSATION I
EVER HAD WAS THEY ACCUSED ME OF BEING RECRUITED BY THE C.I.A. THROUGH JON STEWART. >> Stephen: THEY SAID THAT JON
STEWART-- >> WAS A RECRUIT GR WHO
RECRUITED YOU TO WORK FOR THE C.I.A. >> TO BRING DOWN THE COUNTRY
THROUGH SATIRE. >> Stephen: AND YOU AND I BOTH
KNOW-- YOU AND I BOTH KNOW, THAT'S NOT TRUE. >> OF COURSE. >> Stephen: BECAUSE THAT WOULD
MEAN I'M PROBABLY AN AGENT, TOO, BECAUSE I'VE KNOWN JON LONGER
THAN YOU HAVE. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: AND THE IDEA THAT
JON IS RECRUITING US IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. >> DO YOU THINK HE'S ACTUALLY IN
AN "ANIMAL FARM?" ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I LOVE. MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU
BEING ARRESTED-- IF YOU'LL PARDON ME HAVING A FAVORITE
THING. >> PLEASE GR I'. >> Stephen: I'M A HEWN FAN OF
YOU BEING ARRESTED. WHEN YOU WERE ARRESTED YOU
TURNED YOURSELF IN, AND A CROWD OF PEOPLE WENT WITH YOU AND THIS
IS, AGAIN, AFTER YOU WORE THIS HAT, MOCKING THE PRESIDENT. YOU WERE ARRESTED AND YOU SHOWED
UP... ( LAUGHTER )
WEARING THE HAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S THE REAL DEAL. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THAT'S A COMEDIAN. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THANK YOU. >> AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU,
STEPHEN, BECAUSE I AM THE THIRD MIDDLE EASTERN IN ONLY TWO WEEKS
TO BE HOSTED ON THIS SHOW. AND I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU, ARE
YOU TURNING US IN? ( LAUGHTER )
IS THERE SOME SECRET LOBOTOMY OPERATIONS HAPPENING INSIDE? IS IN THE MIDDLE EASTERN VERSION
OF "GET OUT?" ( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: NO, AND I'M
DEFINITELY NOT RECRUITING YOU FOR THE C.I.A. >> DEFINITELY! DEFINITELY! >> Stephen: BASSEM, LOVELY TO
SEE YOU AGAIN. HIS BOOK, "REVOLUTION FOR
DUMMIES," AND HIS DOCUMENTARY, "TICKLING GIANTS," ARE OUT
TUESDAY. BASSEM YOUSSEF, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JUDY
GOLD.
What a legend, Egyptian people really need to start learning what freedom of speech is and why it's important
I don't know, for some reason, he's not as funny in English as he was in Arabic during Al Bernameg days. But he's hustlin, trying to make a living, so fair play to him.
His accent has changed so quickly* with specific words