Hello everyone and welcome back to another
episode of BrutalFoods, and it's time to get excited because it's time for another TV Dinner
Review. Shout it from the rooftops! Shout it from the heavens! Shout it at your neighbors! Shout it at random children playing in the
street! Because today, we're taking a look at Banquet
Frozen Meals, a highly requested... frozen meals. Narrator: Now, from Banquet, comes... [Woman laughing insanely] Man [Voiceover]: What is it, Cynthia? What is it? Cynthia: Giblet gravy and sliced turkey! Narrator: Yes! Giblet gravy and sliced turkey, together in
the most significant frozen dish of our time: Buffet Supper! When I think "Banquet Meals," I think of college. I think that's the only time I've ever purchased
a Banquet TV dinner, because they're only a dollar. I can't say I remember what they tasted like,
though. I remember that I bought them, but I don't
really remember eating them? Nevertheless, I have chosen four - count 'em,
four - TV dinners that we're gonna take a look at
today, each of them beef themed. Themed? Can frozen dinners be themed? And since they all center around the same
main ingredient, we are going to have a Banquet Beef Showdown! [Distorted] Four meals enter, but only one
can be the [Deep voice] Beef King. There's gonna be three rounds. Round one will be these two meals. Round two will be these two meals, and the
winner of each are going to battle in a big... Big boy battle. Maybe I should write scripts for these videos. Also, something a little bit different from
the previous videos, I'm going to wait until after I eat the meal to check out the online
reviews. I think some people thought that my opinion
on the food was being influenced by these reviews, so we're gonna wait until after I
eat 'em to see what everybody else thinks. With that all out of the way, let's get to
our first meal, because I am very hungry. First meal up is the Salisbury steak meal. "Gravy over Salisbury steak, creamy mashed
potatoes, sweet corn, and cinnamon apple dessert." Grill marks added? [Roller Coaster Tycoon (original) music] So we already know that I'm a big fan of the
Salisbury steak. I loved the Hungry-Man one, but this Banquet
meal is bragging about their mashed potatoes made with real cream. So I'm interested to see if there's actually
a difference between the two mashed potatoes. I'm also interested to see what their cinnamon
apple dessert is like. That sounds like it could be okay. "Banquet invites you to pull up a chair and
enjoy classic, made-in-America comfort food. Like you, we believe in quality and good,
honest value, and trust you'll taste it in our savory Salisbury steak served with creamy
mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and cinnamon apple dessert." They're really bragging on those mashed potatoes
made with real cream. I gotta admit, that's a good amount of food. I kind of expected less food from a cheaper
frozen dinner, but that seems like a good amount of food. I'm excited about that corn, but they got
to be cutting corn-ers somewhere. I mean, you can't just sell a dollar frozen
meal, right? Okay, so the directions say to cut and remove
film - fu - fellm - fo - from dessert. I don't know why that was so hard for me to
read. [Squeaking of slicing plastic] It's, like, frozen over. Now we microwave it on High for six to seven
and a half minutes. We're gonna go ahead and do it for the full
seven and a half, there. [Trumpety jazz, but still pretty] I hope you guys are okay with me using the microwave
this time. On my Kid Cuisine video, some people got upset
with me using the microwave instead of the oven. In my Hungry-Man video, some people got upset
at me using the oven instead of the microwave. So in this video, maybe you guys'll, like,
chill out a little bit? [High pitched] Just a little bit? So we're almost done cooking here. I'm gonna try and describe the smell. It started off smelling really good with the
Salisbury steak. I'm into that beef, even if it's fake beef. [SLAM] [Deep voice] Gimmee the beef! But now I also smell the apple cinnamon, and
it's just a weird combination of smells. I'm not really - I'm not really looking forward
to the apple cinnamon, now. I'm kinda - Expectations lowering - Lowering. My expectations for the $1.25 Frozen TV dinner
meal, I gotta say. They're - they're going down. Oh, no. Apples are looking a little sad. You've heard of crab apples, now get ready
for sad apples. [A wet riiiiiiip] That looks... nice? Here's my shot of the meal. I guess I didn't realize that the Salisbury
steak would be in the mashed potatoes? But I'm actually okay with that. I was probably gonna combine the two, anyway. It looks fine, you know, the - the mashed
potatoes are really the scarier part, but I think that's just the gravy on there. They are made with real cream, so maybe that's
why they look terrifying? And then the apples are just, um.... Ehh. It's definitely strange. Definitely a bit strange. [Machine gun shooting; people screaming] Oh, it's so hot! Oh, it's hot and weird. Ugh. That is a strange flavor. I didn't even comment on the added grill marks
- they're barely visible. Can you see those added grill marks? I mean, they're there, a little bit. Definitely added after the fact. So, this is odd. It's just, uh... I don't know how to describe it. The meat - I don't know. With the Hungry-Man one, it kinda - it felt
like it was ground beef smushed together. This, it just feels - feels like one solid
lump, which is weird. [Chomp] Oh, it's weird. Oh, it's weird! It's just the texture, though. The taste is... I mean, you really mainly taste the gravy. [Sawing] Oh, it's so hot! I should wait, but I'm not. Let's try some of the mashed potato. [Scraping] Just the mashed potatoes - these are made
with real cream, guys! Real cream potatoes. I mean, they're fake mashed potatoes. They may be a little, I guess, creamier? I would say more watery, but I guess you could
argue that that's creaminess. I don't know, I think maybe it's growing on
me. I mean, I think the more I eat it - maybe
I'm just accepting my fate? [Fwoop!] Ohp. Crotch corn. [Singing] Crotch corn~ The corn is strange. Red alert! Strange corn alert. Red. Instead of juicy, they - they seem a little
sticky. Once again, the - the taste is fine, but the
texture - I don't know if you can see? You can't see what I'm talking about. It kind of tastes what I would expect, like,
astronaut corn to taste like. Like, they dehydrate it, they get it up into
space, they rehydrate it... And it's, like, space corn. It does not say anything about space corn
on the box, though. Finally, let's - let's give the apples a try. These cinnamon apples. Oh, I don't like - I don't like that it's
in, like, a gelatin. Not gelatin, but it's, like, a slime? Surprisingly, that's the best part! I'm kind of into the cinnamon apples, actually. I'm not really into, like, [Sploosh] the sludge that they're in, but I mean, it
tastes like cinnamon. And there's a - there's an apple, or at least
something that's pretending to be an apple that's in there. [Game show music]
So, on Ian's Great Food Ranking of TV Dinner Foods and Frozen TV Dinner Foods, this one
would rank below Hungry-Man Salisbury Steak for sure. I guess I didn't realize that there would
be a huge difference. I kind of figured one frozen TV dinner would
be the same as all the others, but this is a lower quality Salisbury steak. The mashed potatoes are maybe better? Maybe? Since they throw it in there with the Salisbury
steak and the gravy, you got - you get some different flavors going on there, so I'm not
sure if it's better because I didn't get to taste the potatoes without any of this stuff, [Chomp] but maybe that's their strategy. I would rate this meal as okay - if you are
a broke and starving college student. But I think I would still go for that cup-o-noodles,
myself. Now let's see what someone online had to say,
because mine is not the only opinion out there. Here's a review by Bittersweeet369 who gives
this meal five stars. "They were deliiscous! I enjoyed they were very good." Thank you very much Bittersweeet369. Now, if you happen to try the Salisbury steak
and you like it, and you're like, "Hey, I'm having a party. I've got a bunch of people coming over. I sure could use a bunch of Salisbury steaks,"
Banquet does make a family size - 6 Salisbury Steaks and Brown Gravy. You don't get the corn or the mash or the
- the cinnamon apples, but you do get six Salsbury steaks for under $3. So that's how you know they are quality. So now it's time to find out which is better:
the Salisbury steak meal, or the meatloaf meal. Gravy over meatloaf, creamy mashed potatoes,
sweet corn, and cinnamon apple dessert. Really, I'm curious to know if there is actually
a difference between these two. I'm not sure. You know, aside from the grill marks. How different could meatloaf be from Salisbury
steak? They're both loaves of meat, right? I mean, even just looking at the back of the
box, they're- [Glass shattering] Oh! They're exactly the same. "Banquet invites you to pull up a chair and
enjoy. Classic made-in-America comfort food. Like
you, we believe in quality and good- [Ian reading both blurbs simultaneously] So they could not even be bothered to change
out the back of the box. I guess that might have raised the price. "Oh, we wrote a new description for our food. Now it's gonna be a dollar fifty." I don't know, maybe they will be different? They sure do look exactly the same. [Drilling] [Woosh!] Now, you may be asking, "Why all the beef? Why a beef episode? A beefisode, if you will?" Well, really I was just - I was looking at
all the Banquet meals and trying to come up with a theme. Because I wasn't just gonna eat them all. There's a surprisingly good amount of variety
in the Banquet meals. [Sad audience sounds] And then I started seeing crap like this where
they're almost exactly the same. And I figured it might be good to compare
them in an episode, rather than come back and eat the meatloaf and it be the same
thing as this, you know? That's not exciting. Head-to-head battles, that's exciting. [Boing boing!] This is what the people want see. [Sex music] Wow, that sure does look exactly the same. Surprise, surprise, it smells exactly the
same. And even the scary stuff on the film looks
exactly the same. I mean, you be the judge. Don't just listen to me, you decide. Does this or does this not look exactly the
same? I guess maybe the meat looks a little different. I guess I will - I'll give Banquet the benefit
of the doubt. Let's dig in, let's not wait. I'm kind of excited to eat those apples again. Going right for the star, here. Man, it sure doesn't look like a - not like
a meatloaf to me. It just doesn't look like it's ground beef
mushed together. It's very solid. It feels like it shouldn't be, you know, it
shouldn't be that solid. Oh, hot. [Chomp] Different. [Chomp] Slightly different, but different. I'm not quite sure how to explain how diff-
how it tastes different, though. I don't know the food words. I don't know the food words! But there's something different going on in
there. This is like a science experiment. I don't know. So I've read all the ingredients, and I'm
very knowledgeable about all of this stuff, so it's clear that it's different. This stuff over here is different than this
stuff over here, and - you know, I shouldn't have to explain it, that scientifically tells
you what it tastes like. With science. [Fwooop!] Audience: Hmmm! You know, now that I've looked up the ingredients,
it makes a bit more sense. I really - now that I know what's in it, there's
a couple tastes really coming through, specifically the [Text-To-Speech Robot]: Thiamine Mononitrate. The corn is still just weird. It's not bad, it's just weird. It's still this space corn that's sticking
to my teeth. I don't think I've ever had corn not stick
inbetween my teeth, but actually stick to my tooth. 'Cause it's sticky. [Science noise] You know, I respect astronauts more knowing
that this could be the corn that they're eating. [Distant] To all the astronauts out there
watching, I hope you guys get home real safe, and you get some real corn in you real fast. And then the cinnamon apples are gonna be
exactly the same. It's fine. I don't mind it being warm. Which is what I've had complaints about in
the past. Like, you know I'm gonna be microwaving the
whole meal. So good on you for choosing a dessert that
makes sense to be eaten warm. I'm looking at you, Kid Cuisine. Okay, so here's where we're at. [Game show music] I like the meatloaf more, so in the battle
between meatloaf and Salisbury steak... [Sexy noises and music] Uh... Uh... shit! Meatloaf wins. [Applause] My question is, when was the last time you
had meatloaf in, like, a gravy? In a brown gravy like this? I feel like every meatloaf I've ever had has
been in more of a tomato sauce. The fact that it's in more of a gravy slop
makes it just taste like a different Salisbury steak. It should be in, like, a tomato sauce. So while meatloaf did claim the victory, I
gotta admit, it doesn't really remind me of a meatloaf. So I guess I rate this as also okay for broke
college students. But I would still go for the cup-o-noodles. Now, let's see what the Internet has to say,
because, as we all know, the Internet is always right. Well, it's got a lower ra- Oh! Well look at this! Smutty72 - the world renowned food reviewer
Smutty72 gives this meal two stars in a review titled, "Mater sauce!!" "Please bring back the tomato sauce!!!" Now, where have I heard talk of tomato sauce
before? Kee Kee gives it three stars. "Meatloaf To-may-toe Sauce I'm dying here" "I would only recommend this meal to friends
if you bring back the tomato sauce brand, I really thought I was the only person that
felt this way. Now I know I'm not being petty!!!" Well. Becky says, "We want tomato sauce meatloaf
please?" "The brown sauce meatloaf just doesn't taste
as good as the tomato sauce meatloaf. My whole family and a lot of my friends loved
the red tomato sauce one so much better. We all think the brown sauce meatloaf is too
close to your Salisbury steak TV dinners. We craved the red sauce meatloaf TV dinners
all the time! They were an addiction for my family and I. And all our good friends. They were so very yummy, better than any other
TV dinner your company has ever made! My family, and I, and friends are willing
to pay more money to get them back in stores. They are worth their weight in gold to us
all. Please bring back the red tomato sauce meatloaf
TV dinners - please?" Well, as you can see from that heartfelt plea
from Becky, it seems like they did have tomato sauce meatloaf and they just cheapened out. They were like, "Hey. We've already got this gravy going on the
Salisbury steak. They're basically the same thing. Let's just - let's just put it on the meatloaf,
too." [Glass shattering, sad audience] You know, Becky, what you really got to do
is you got to start a Twitter campaign. That's how you get shit done these days. You got to go #Tomatoes4Becky. Okay, so we have our first champion, the- Whoa! [Glass shattering] Well, I'm not gonna bend over and get that. It's so far away! So we have our first Banquet Champion: the
meatloaf meal. Let's see who it's gonna face in The Ultimate
Beef Showdown. Uh, asterisk - of Banquet beef meals. Not of real beef meals. Next up, we got spaghetti and meatballs. Also known as Spaghetti with Meatballs. "Spaghetti with meatballs and marinara sauce." This time around, Banquet is done bragging
about their mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes do not factor into this meal. But now they're bragging about their made
from scratch marinara sauce. What I really wonder is, who does Banquet
think they're fooling, right? I mean, who is- do they think people are going
out buying Banquet meals for "made from scratch marinara
sauce?" You're making, like, dollar TV dinners. You're not fooling anyone by bragging about
your marinara sau- augh! [Landslide noises; glass breaking] I think you'd be better off just embracing what
you are, targeting that broke college student demographic, and maybe even changing your
name to... Budget. Once again, they did not change the back of
the box! [Ian reading all blurbs simultaneously] Spaghetti and Meatballs [Simultaneous blurbs] -marinara sauce. So, I mean, they know well enough that people
aren't reading the back of the box. Like, if everyone was reading the back of
the box, people would be like, "Something's up here! Something's up here, Banquet," but they're
still trying to sell me on made from scratch. I don't know, maybe it's good. Let's - let's see how the marinara sauce is. Marinara sauce. Marinara sauce. Uh, oh. [Laughs] Well, this is not what I expected. The [laughs] spaghetti and the marinara Sauce
and meatballs are completely seperated! I guess I expected them to all be together. But they look very strange separate like this. Maybe that has to do with how they heat up? Maybe - maybe it's best to separate them as
you're microwaving them? I guess I would believe that, but it still
looks scary. Okay, yeah, there's an extra step. We're gonna stir it in as we're microwaving. So let's - let's get going. I've gotta slit the film to vent. [Such jazzy jazztastic jazzing] All right, so now we got to stir it and then
microwave for another two minutes. I can do that. [Bloop!] [Water noises] Audience: Wow! [Squish slosh] [Warp!] So here we have the spaghetti and meatballs,
which sure does look like a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. My immediate question is, if they have this
great made from scratch marinara sauce, why did they take it off the meatloaf? Why? It smells pretty good and, honestly, it looks
the least threatening of the TV dinners so far? Maybe it's because the meat is in little chunks
instead of a slab, maybe that helps? Now, I might have some immediate negative
bias to this meal. I'm not super into spaghetti and meatballs. It's just not my cup of - Meatballs. I'm into the meatballs, but when I make meatballs
I usually put it on - Meatballs. I make a meatball sub. The problem is that I don't really like watery
marinara spaghetti. And this sure does look like watery marinara
spaghetti. So let's, uh, let's take a bite here. [Groovy, sexy electronica!] Okay. Uhm... I mean, it tastes like noodles and marinara
sauce. I don't know how hard that is to nail down,
though. That sure is noodles and marinara sauce. It's not bad. I mean, it's not bad. It is what it is, and you know, that's more
than what I can say for the previous two meals. Let's check out them- let's check out the
meatball here. Let's just do one meatball. Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! Meatballs! [Slurchomp] It's a meaty ball! A ball of meat. You know, I was joking a bit. I was joking around, having a little laugh
at Becky's expense, but the marinara sauce is better than that brown gravy sauce. I'm kind of surprised. I kind of thought this would be my least favorite,
or one of my least favorites, but... Yeah, this is pretty good. Not bad. Think I would still take the cup-o-noodles,
but I would maybe mix it up from time to time. On the - with - with the, uh... So that's the spaghetti and meatballs. But that one, that surprised me. I'm surprised. Let's see what- let's see how surprised the
Internet is. Blech in Michigan wonders, "Why are there
anchovies in the meat ball? It's gross" Are there anchovies in the meatball? I don't think there are anchovies in the meatball. I don't think that's a true thing. Seems like these are genuinely well-accepted
meatballs. I don't know how much praise I would give
it outside of a TV dinner spaghetti and meatballs. You're definitely gonna have a better time
making your own. But sometimes you don't have time for that. Sometimes you just want to throw a thing in
the microwave oven for a little bit. Undo it, stir it up, throw it back in there,
and then eat it. You know? Sometimes that's all you want to do. But can the spaghetti and meatballs win against
the Swedish meatballs? Uh, maybe? Swedish meatballs. "Traditional sour cream gravy with Swedish
meatballs. And egg noodles." Now right off the bat, I'm gonna say I'm worried
by the fact that the sour cream gravy has the star billing here. It seems like I'm just gonna mainly get gravy. This time, they're bragging [laughs] about,
"Made with real sour cream!" I didn't even know there was fake sour cream! [Simultaneously reading the blurbs] Swedish meatballs- The meatballs look a little sadder. They don't look as happy as the previous meatballs,
nor does [laughs] nor does the gravy. But you know, I hear it's made with real sour
cream, so we should be in for a treat! [Scrape scrape] Oh, I don't know. Oh, I don't know about this?! It was pretty clear why they listed the gravy
first. I was kinda joking earlier, but your main
- the main thing you're getting is this sour cream-based gravy. And that is not a trick of the light, a trick
of the camera, or some other kind of trick. That is a very orange-looking sauce. [Sings] I don't want to eat this~ Don't want to eat it~
Not even a little~ But I guess I have to~ But I don't want to eat it~ Especially not excited about the noodles. I don't like big noodles. Big, wet, floppy noodles. Let's start with the meatballs. Let's get some of that sauce on there. [Chomp!] I don't mind the meatballs, and I don't know
if I said this earlier. I am all basing this on TV dinner standards. This is not a real meatball. You couldn't give this to someone at a restaurant
and trick them into thinking it's a real meatball. But, you know, as far as fake meatballs go,
it could be worse. I mainly taste the pasta. That just tastes like pasta? And I'm not a big fan of how that looks on
the side? I expected to be a lot - I don't know - a
lot more scared by the dollar value Banquet meals. Eh. [Chomp] Eh! It's all very salty. It's all, just, every meal has just been very,
very salty? [High pitched] Very salty. [High pitched] Very. Salty. I think I just get Stockholm Syndrome with
these things. The more I eat them, I adjust to the taste,
and I'm like, "It's warm. It's kind of cold outside, so warm food is
good. It warms me up." But I mean, as far as noodles and sour cream
sauce go, I - I guess I would expect it to be worse for a dollar. That's what I can say for all of these things
is, "I expected worse for the price point." But how is it so cheap? Is it the portion size? I guess you really only get four little tiny
meatballs, and the rest are just noodles. [Deep voice] Four meatballs is not that much. It's time for a Real Moment with Ian. Being real. My video camera's memory card just filled
up, so I had to get up and and go to my computer for a bit to, you know, unload it of all of its
video files. And, like, immediately, standing up, just
stomach pain. Too much. Too much Banquet. Do not eat this much Banquet frozen meals. Do not eat this much frozen meals in general. I am a professional. Do not attempt at home. Profess- oh. I don't remember what I was saying before
I left, so let's go ahead and check out what the Internet had to say about the Swedish
meatballs. [Tiny evil violin] "I used to love this meal. I don't remember the gravy being so nasty,
though, and I have really low standards and an iron gut. It - [Silence but for Roller Coaster Tycoon music] has an orange tinge to it. Is that supposed to be beef? The meatballs don't taste like beef either,
but I accept that considering the low price." It's pretty funny what we are able to, you
know, accept and not accept when it comes to frozen meals. The beef tasting fake and being fake? Sure, that's fine, considering the price. Orange sour cream sauce, though? Uh-uh! Mm-mmm! No, no! No. No. Here's a review by Princess titled, "Meatballs????" "This product is super gross." So when it comes down to the Battle of the
Balls, [Clap clap!] I gotta give it to the- Oof. I gotta give it to the made-from-scratch marinara
sauce [glass shattering] and the spaghetti and meatballs, also known
as spaghetti with meatballs. It really just tastes like a standard plate
of spaghetti. Nothing special. It's just spaghetti with meatballs. And really, when you're paying like a dollar,
what more can you ask for? But now our champions must move into the finals. It's spaghetti with meatballs versus meatloaf
meal. Who will win?! [Hardcore music] [Smack!] [Polite applause] Well, surprise, surprise, it's spaghetti and
meatballs! [Game show music]
I gotta say... This is a surprise to me. I expected to like this one the least, but
here we are. This is the winner of the Beef Battle of the
Beefs. I don't remember what I called it. I would be interested to have tasted the meatloaf
with the marinara sauce. I think if the meatloaf still had the tomatoey
sauce there's a chance it could have won. But I'm #StandingWithWithBeckyHere, that brown
sauce is just not as good. If I was to recommend any of these meals to
a broke college student out there, it would be the spaghetti with meatballs. Be sure to get, like, a salad or something
with it. Please get something else to eat alongside
the spaghetti and meatballs. Also, you need a really tall glass of water. But this tasted like spaghetti and meatballs,
and that is high praise here on my TV dinner reviews. If you like this video, [splash!] be sure to check out my other TV dinner reviews. We've done Hungry-Man, and we've done Kid
Cuisine. We've also got movie reviews. I got game reviews. I got reviews for everybody, man! "Review, review, reviewdily-doo!" That's, ah, that's my slogan. Thanks again for watching. I'm gonna go drink a lot of water. Not a little bit - I'm gonna go chug a bunch
of water. Thank you for watching. Narrator: Winner of three Banquet academy
awards! Best sliced turkey! Best performance by a giblet gravy in a supporting
role! Best performance by a housewife! Cynthia: I just put it in the oven. And by-and-by it was done, and I had a delicious
buffet supper. Oh, yes, I did! Slices of turkey, all covered with gravy,
and little bitty giblets - do you hear me?!
Get this shit outta here