Ayo Edebiri Settles Your Petty Disputes | Vanity Fair

[Music] I don't know how to tell you this but your father has murdered people [Music] before hello Vanity Fair my name is IO DeBry you may know me as an actor writer producer but what you may not know is that I went to law school for 17 years I'm here to judge the drama of people who I do not know welcome to io's court what qualifies me to be an Arbiter of justice is I'm Libra need I say more probably the scales balance legality I am now about to hear two sides of opposing beef as it were I'm going to listen to them I'm going to deliberate that is a court word and then I'm going to pass pass a judgment ultimately after I pass this judgment it will be enacted into law unless you live in Alaska or Hawaii court is now in session let's hear the first case okay so I took my girl to a drake show and they play one of my favorite songs so I took my phone out then recorded it just like everybody else but my girl got really mad talking about wasn't being in the moment pen doesn't work what's wrong with her why she say that my initial thoughts are that this pen doesn't work let's hear The Other Side hear me out we literally didn't even have good seats we were standing so far away and I know he's never even going to watch that video it's mad corne you to hold your phone up like that and I didn't even know he like Drake that much he wasn't even holding the phone right I've heard enough these two are going to break up they just don't seem like really compatible with each other even just like vocally it seems like like they're in two different like areas in their lives the reality of taking videos at a concert is you literally are never going to watch it like ever in your life but what should we do about that systematically structurally if it were up to me if I were at the Supreme Court but I'm not I'm only io's court but if in Supreme Court I would make it legal sorry I just was like is that how the law Works yes or no I would have to like get a bill passed right God damn it anyway I would make it so that artists have to release concert DVDs again remember watching a concert VHS or concert DVD how fun that was it's fun and then it's like it's like a whole event it's not like a awful video from your awful phone that by the way is like built to break sorry to break to you that's how these things work and the quality gets worse and worse as time goes by and you're like what I saw toroa in 2008 why does it look like two pixels cuz they want it to look that way anyway honestly she shouldn't be mad at him for taking out his phone but like she is right about it you know what I mean I wish them a long and happy relationship I abstained from judgment let's hear the next case so I was staying at a hotel with my family and when we were leaving our rooms and walking down the hallway uh my my dad stole a fry from a room service tray that was waiting to go into somebody else's room um I think this is weird and he shouldn't have done that I'm shocked I have chills all over my body oh my God okay next I no one was going to miss that french fry oh I'm pretty sure they were done with that meal that fry looked so good and the ketchup was right there so why not a quick swipe it's a victimless crime my daughter needs to cut me some slack to the person who submitted this message I don't know how to tell you this but your father has murdered people before I that's me that's me and my dad I don't know how to tell you this but your father has murdered people before there are there are bodies in the ground I don't know what she's so upset about it's a victimless crime nobody going to miss that fry nobody's going to miss that kid literally chills stone cold for me personally that's disgusting Behavior it's nasty is absolutely sick first of all wear your hands and why are they on my stuff so there's that that's I don't even know where to begin it's not about the quantity it's about the the like moral reprehension of like getting into somebody else's belongings just because this is what's wrong with America this is why we don't have free transportation in Italy they just hop on the train I actually don't really know the breakdown of that um but I just know generally it's the honor System it's the honor System we have none of that there's no there's no trust between each other there's no public trust don't take somebody else's stuff man that's nasty and how do you know it's just waiting to go in somebody else's room how do you know it wasn't taken out and somebody saw the fries and they coughed all over that and farted all over the fries and went now I'm done with this put this in the hallway so some freaking idiot on vacation can come and eat my fart cough fry my dad would never do that my father my father is a proud Nigerian man who came to this country and took his citizenship test and pays taxes does your dad also grand his taxes he's from Philly well say everything here guilty I mean I worked in restaurants and I did have co-workers who would be like oh like let's take a little nibble of this they were not me they did not look like me or my friends that's what I was like you can't be acting like that man you got a family let's move on to the next case I went to see a movie with a friend recently and before the movie was even over I looked over and he had his phone out he was writing a letter box review not only is this wrong because you shouldn't have your phone out but the idea that you have to post your snarky opinions right away is just annoying yeah I mean that's lowkey trash unless it's like a belated opinion again again I'm a legal figure and so I will hear both sides okay so in my defense I wrote my review basically during the credit so it's not even that bad and I had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to share and if I don't get them out really fast then I'm going to forget what I had to say about the movie I mean isn't that what letter box is for I've heard enough so basically during the credits I'm going to need time stamps on that I'm going to need time codes you were writing all the movies still on and also if you are forgetting your review before the movie's over you have a problem with your memory and you need to start doing more sodoku in the morning and taking fish oil vitamins my current relationship with letterbox ever having a very public relationship with letter box is that I'm really kind of chilling cuz these people are coming after my reviews and I'm just here to have a good time and be a little bit of a fool okay it's not my fault that I started off as a comedian I know you people know me as a dramedy actress but please I started off as a comedian I was on Twitter I was in the gutter okay um but I'm trying to be a little less addicted to the internet in general so I'm just kind of chilling on the apps yeah guilty that's Mo on to the next case I'm done with this okay so I have this one friend and every time we go out to eat in a group she always orders a bunch of dishes for the table and it's usually more food than we would even need and it's not something that people are necessarily wanting to order but then when the bill comes she insists on splitting it evenly even though she ordered for the whole group okay weird submission from one of my enemies okay let's uh let's do the other side I feel like this other person is really well inen and just likes to eat good food I don't know okay okay listen I am doing a service to the din experience by making things fun and ordering dishes that look good which is literally part of what eating out entails and I swear I've seen my friend enjoy the food that comes to the table I honestly just think that she's ere exaggerating cuz I mean the calari is always going to be worth it so I'm sorry that she's broke I don't know what you want me to do okay got a little we we got some class tension going on here tricky tricky case okay honestly this one is about class I'll say this one's about money British Vibes everything's about class I identify with some of the behaviors of the second person I love to order for the table but the thing about ordering for the table is it like has to actually be a discussion you have to be willing to hear NOS if you're addicted to calamari as this woman is basically admitting you got to kind of like you got to kind of own up and when you go out with friends also who it's like you know they have more money than you or they like they drink and you're not drinking for example and then they're like let's all split the bill and you're like well I'm not drinking like $17 craft cocktails I'm drinking Coca-Cola I'm dropping a lot of brand names if anybody want to come and give me a little deal over here this is again another relationship where I'm like this is ending in a few years you know what I mean this is a friendship that yall go out one night a little too much casamigos and a fight get started that it will it will be impossible to come back from that's none of my business I'm here for this case and this case only so my ruling is that friend number one like lowkey start going out with friend number two a little less and friend number two be considerate and listen when people are ordering actually ordering for the table okay that's enough of this one so I noticed that my boyfriend follows this popular model on Instagram which is totally fine but he started to comment publicly on her posts and what is that okay I it's almost always a fire Emoji I don't understand what he thinks will happen I have a verdict already your boyfriend is for the streets listen yeah I comat on her Instagram post I support her work a fire Emoji doesn't really mean anything and I just do it out of habit at this point honestly I think it's kind of weird that she's looking at who I follow this man is a Yoko and he's for the streets I'm not somebody who really comments and most of the time it's for people that I know if it's for somebody that I don't know I don't really do that I'm not going to stop anybody from doing that you know what I mean you keep my post Popp in thank you but if you got a girlfriend you can't be commenting emojis on a model's post I'm willing to bet they're fire emojis 100% emojis maybe even one of those hot face tongue out the eye sweat bead orange top of the head head joints it's too much it's too much I can hear him in his voice he knows he knows he's wrong my verdict is you are a fool and a Yoko your sentence the streets where you belong guilty I think this is a career high and I think I'm going to close out sort of on a career high Michael Jordan baseball style you know what I'm talking about all to say I feel really proud of my work here today and I honestly think you should too court is literally heartbreakingly for some [Music] adjourned once I spin away I'll cease to exist [Music]

Channel: Vanity Fair

Views: 384,462

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Id: Xi0rJ7T1oxk

Length: 11min 56sec (716 seconds)

Published: Tue May 21 2024