- Hello, and welcome back
to Jarvis Johnson Gold. The premium channel that is free. That is free. If you're watching this, you're premium and I need help. I need help, my premium viewers. We've talked a lot
about toxic masculinity, about alpha male podcasts, et cetera. And I want to be that way. I want to learn. I want to learn how to be a toxic boy, but my problem is that I
don't want to watch videos and learn from, I just prefer to read. I just prefer to read
is like my preference. I'm a bit of a reader. I'm a bit of a bookworm. So I wanted to find some literature, some literature where I could
learn how to take charge, how to take control of my dating life and maybe even control of my partner. You know what I mean? Become a controlling guy. This is like where we flash, like do not attempt.
(alarm blaring) This is all a bit, please. I'm sorry, everyone. Today we're talking about wikiHow, and that is how I would
like to learn things. Jordan pointed out to me, friend of the show, premium friend, Jordan Adika was talking to me and showing me some wikiHow articles. And I was like, wow, wikiWow. That is quite the selection of garbage. And I just wanna show you
some of that selection today, but first it's ad time. Are you always searching wikiHow for ways to make sustainable life changes and reduce harm to the environment? Well, stop that and start
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for sponsoring this video. Now back to the Wiki. I think where I would like to start is something that I have always
wanted to know how to do, how to get people to dream about you. I figure if I can get
people to dream about me, then they will like me more. Because they'll be thinking
about me all the time. I've always wanted to be
the man of someone's dreams, and now I can learn from
wiki how to do that. This article has been
viewed 371,000 times. That's how you know it's good. That's how you know
it's really gonna work. It does have two and a half stars, but we'll see what we can do about that. My influence. It's also got 17 co-authors
so it's been peer reviewed. There's a team, a crack team of dream specialists who have been perfecting this article. You remember Inception? They wrote this. This is how you get yourself
into someone's dreams. Getting someone to dream
about you can be difficult. You can try to influence
other people's dreams, but it may not work. Good thing to know that it might fail. As the subconscious creates dreams to deal with the problems you're facing. I like that they sourced that because I feel like there isn't
a lot of conclusive evidence about the role that
dreams play in our brains, but alas, oh, it's a
Huffington Post article that they reference. That is a scientific journal. Nonetheless, you can try
the tricks in this article to influence someone you know, first by getting into the person's mind before he or she goes to sleep. And second by being memorable in general. Is one of the tricks
getting into someone's mind? Because that seems like
what we want to do. Oh, okay. This is method number one, getting into the person's mind. Okay. Try giving them a picture of yourself. That's pretty normal. Hey, it's me. Please enjoy. This trick will work better if he or she places you on his or her nightstand. So you're just supposed to tell someone, Hey, here's a photo of me. Perhaps you could put
this on your nightstand and sleep next to this photo of me so that you dream about me that's all, have a good day. If you are the last image a
person sees before she sleeps, she'll be more likely to dream about you. Okay. The person who wrote this is like, if you are the last image
Sandra sees before she sleeps, she's more likely to dream
about me. I mean you. I mean maybe Sandra will love me. I mean, perhaps this generic
person will dream about you. I think anyway, Sandra, please. I'm asking, I'm begging, put me on your nightstand. Call or text the person near bedtime. I love this man's big head
and his tiny little phone. (chuckling) Hello, Jessica. No reason, I just wanted to
make sure you heard my voice before you went to bed. I'm scaring you? (chuckling) Well, sweet dreams or nightmares. Number three, talk to the person. So far, all of the methods of getting someone to dream about you are getting uncomfortably
close to a person. Either you're like giving
them a photo of you to be next to them while they sleep. Which no one's going to agree to. Or you are calling them right before bed, which is again like, why is this person... If someone were calling
me every night before bed, I would be like, are you trying to put some sort of love
spell on me? What is going on? Number three, talk to the person, AKA whisper softly into their ear. Wait until the person is in deep sleep. While the person is dreaming, try saying something to them quietly, such as dream of Nicky. Ugh! How did you get next to
them while they're asleep? I feel like your problem
may have already been solved if you're next to them
while they're sleeping or is this a horrifying situation and you were not supposed to be there whispering into their ear. Some people watch these videos, I'm sure, while they're falling asleep. So let me just do a little sleep ASMR. Dream of Jarvis. Didn't Jarvis look pretty tonight? Sleep tight. But also think of me. Use a characteristic smell. Whether you have a signature perfume or you prefer a particular soap, introduce the scent to the sleeping per... It really does feel like you're dealing with sleeping beauty here. There's just like this
inert sleeping person that you have the unlimited access to that you can just try shit on. While they're in their endless slumber, go ahead and try lavender soap. Every time they smell lavender,
maybe they'll think of you or while they're asleep and unconscious, you just whisper into their ear because they have no say in any of this. Like sounds, smells can be
incorporated into dreams. And if it reminds the person of you, you may show up in his dreams. Record a video of yourself. Aha. One step ahead of you, actually. If you can get the person
to play it before bed, you may be able to encourage
the person to dream about you. I'm doing that to all of you right now. Sweet dreams of me. Leave a memento that
reminds the person of you. Try leaving it on his
nightstand to remind... So are you like you're already hooking up. You're already sharing a bed sometimes. So it's like after you bone, go ahead and leave a trail of clues. Leave a series of mementos and puzzles to remind your lover. Oh okay, so that was all method one. So I believe we've turned
into a cat in method two and that is one way to be memorable. If you're like an anamorph or something. We were just hanging out and
then he like turned into a cat and I'm never gonna forget that, actually. I think I was scarred. I think that's gonna
live rent free in my head and maybe in my dreams. And it's like, boom, got them,
you're gonna dream about me? All right, it was all worth it. Whether you like bold
glasses or own 20 cat... Hold on, these are maybe the
two most different things. Whether you like bold glasses, like you're making a fashion
statement with your eyewear or you own 20 cats. That is an animal shelter. 20 cats? It's the things
that make you unique that make you memorable. I think that we're all unique. Out of the box, we're all
our own unique person. And simply by being ourselves, we will be memorable to
those that matter to us. I hope. I hope I don't have to get a cat. Dude, I hope I don't have to get 20 cats. That seems like kind of a lot. Oh, maybe I'm the guy who like
wears two pairs of glasses, am I in your dreams yet? Do you remember me? This is very disorienting, but anyway, it'll all be worth
it when you dream about me. Okay, no more games, I
can't do this anymore. Give the person a compliment. This guy does not look like he's giving... It looks like he's... I don't
know what he looks like. He looks like he's confessing his love. Don't you understand? I like your shirt. It's a good shirt. We're both wearing white. And that's why I love you. Please dream about me. Try a hook. It's like a fish. If you're just meeting a person, give them a memorable piece
of information about yourself. The best kind of hooks are funny. For instance, say, you're
meeting a friend of your sister at a gathering in Arizona. Wow, this is so specific. And Sandra's there and you're
like you again, Sandra. Maybe now's my chance
to finally plant myself inside of your dreams. You could say hi, I'm
Carrie's sister from Oklahoma. I tried to leave the
tornadoes behind though. Wait. Oh, that's funny. And yeah. And then they're like, oh yeah, I think Carrie's sister is
like Poseidon or something. She seems to have control
over the wind and water. I know that tornadoes
are not the water stuff, but I couldn't think of like... Well, I don't know a God of wind. Al'Akir, the windlord from Hearthstone. Is it the windlord? Damn, I'm good. Check that shit out. A memorable piece of
information about yourself. Hi, I'm Joe's brother from Florida and who knows where the bodies are buried. Okay, so maybe getting
into somebody's dreams is a little too indirect
of a solution on my quest to become a toxic boyfriend,
womanizer, alpha male, like all of the above. Master manipulator, girl boss. So how about the question
on all of our minds? How to pull a one night stand with women? Oh, it's written by an expert and I don't wanna say his name, so I'm gonna censor it. I think I hope. But then it's also got 29 co-authors. This is serious stuff. This is exactly what I need to know. The rules of society are changing and more and more people
today have sex lives outside of the confines of relationship. The most casual of sexual encounters, the one night stand. The most casual? I feel like you could probably have like a even more casual
thing. I don't know. Maybe the one day stand. Maybe it's not even night out. Maybe you're not even sleeping over, you just like knock it out and get going. The most casual sexual
encounters, the one night stand, involves a thrilling spontaneous meeting between two consensual partners who were emboldened by the fact that they may never see each other again. That's true of anyone in life. First step go looking
at a bar or nightclub. One timeless strategy
for finding a partner for a one night fling is
to search for nightlife, visit your favorite bar
nightclub or lounge, post up for a while. Take note of the women around you. You're like, ah, yes. Hmm, a potential one night stander. No, they don't mean that. Take note of the women around
you and see who is alone. Okay. When you find a girl you're attracted to, strike up a conversation and
offer to buy her a drink. Don't harass a woman if she
doesn't wanna be bothered or proposition or for
sex right off the bat. Well that's obvious, but yeah, don't harass women in general. Use a hookup app. Certain apps like Tinder and Down were designed purely to match up people. And that's sourced from an expert. You needed an expert to be like, Hey, Tinder was actually
made as a hookup app. Sealing the deal, you become me. Look your best. Try your best. Turn yourself into me. That's what this article is all about. Okay, so this article's pretty boring, but I love end on a high note. Thank you. Thanks for the sex. Thank you for allowing me
to pull a one night stand with a woman. I'm gonna report back
to my friends at wikiHow and let them know how it went. Reassure her that you'll be discreet about the details of your encounter. No one will ever know
about the sex we had. How do I pull a one night
stand with women if I am shy? Your odds aren't good. Like, wow. Become not shy actually first and then you can figure it out. Because everyone knows if you're shy, you don't deserve love. How to ask a coworker
for a one night stand. Knowing the risks beforehand. Familiarize yourself with
your company's fraternization policies. Y'all know fraternization. Like you approach a girl at a club and you're like, Hey,
you down to fraternize? Make a point to familiarize yourself with the written policies
on fraternization. They're always just posted on the wall. At every company you just go walk over to
the fraternization policies. Much like if you need to find
out where the bathroom is, you can be like, Hey, could you point me in the direction of the
fraternization policies here? Pros may include having a one night stand with a person you're familiar with because you work together. Having at least one thing in common, work, with the partner for the one night stand and the exciting forbidden
nature of the affair, I've reviewed the fraternization policies and I do believe we would
be in breach of those. But due to the forbidden
nature of this affair, it could be fun. And then of course like
all of these articles, you've gotta deal with the aftermath. Everyone knows after you
have a one night stand with a coworker, you get
a giant stack of papers that you've got to deal with. Most of those related to HR violations. One of the biggest
mistakes you can make here is posting about the affair on Facebook. Remember, once something is on Facebook, it's hard to take it back. The universe revolving
around Facebook here is hilarious to me. Also how and why would you ever
post about a one night stand on Facebook? Hey, me and Cindy from
accounting, we fraternized, it's like a Facebook status. Jarvis is fraternizing
with Elizabeth from HR. Oh, from HR. Uh-oh the policy violation is happening from inside the house. What do I do if she's already married? Her dad is the boss of the company. What is your life? Find someone else? What are you doing? If she's married, then
you should not pursue her. Majority not helpful. How to make a guy jealous. I'm gonna assume that this also applies for the women that I'm
trying to fraternize with. All is fair in love and war they say. And in the battleground of love, there are a few weapons
more powerful than jealousy. Oh God. And this is written by
a relationship coach whose name I'm blurring out
to not put them on blast. But it was also co-written
by almost 200 people. If you wanna make a guy jealous then this wikiHow is for you. This could either help me with my pursuits or it can help me defend against the enemy in the battleground of love, just in case I ever see any
women trying to make me jealous, I'll know what strategies they're using. Okay, so first you gotta make
sure he has feelings for you. Jealousy only works if the guy
has feelings for you, true. You've got to look your best, because guys hate it
when you look your best, they get so jealous when you do that. Let him see you having a great time. The best thing you can do
is have a fantastic time without the guy that
you wanna make jealous. That just feels like you're
just living your life. And then you're just hoping
the guy becomes jealous as a result of that? This can mean laughing
with your girlfriends, dancing it up at a party, or just doing something that
makes you feel happy and free. Why do you have to do those
things to make a man jealous? Just do those things
to feel happy and free. Okay, so if I want to make a girl jealous, I need to live my best life and ignore her and flirt with other people. And then what do I get though? What do I get? At some point, date other guys. So just completely live... I don't understand what do you gain from making this person jealous? Are you just playing them
like extreme long game? Step one, flirt with other guys. Step two, date other guys. Step three, find another guy to marry. Step four, have kids with that other guy. Retire after a long loving
marriage with that other guy and your family. And then homeboy's gonna be real jealous. Let me tell you. He's gonna be chopping
at the bit to date you. He's gonna not be able to
fricking hold it in, man. He's had decades and decades of build up and he is just been waiting there while you live your best life. Taking no action of his own. Look at him. Look at him watching his life pass him by while he waits for you to stop
having such a grand old time. I mean, this dude is kind of weird if he's just standing off in the distance every time you're having a good time. That would be like, Hey, is he still here? Why does that guy do that? It's like, I don't know, I think he's trying to make me
dream about him or something. I don't know. He smells like lavender,
constantly whispering in my ear. If you're always available for him, you'll lose some of your mystery and mystery can create jealousy, but if you're never available for him and if you never ever
talk to him or look at him or think about him or dream about him, then he's probably
gonna be super into you. But you should never give
in to that temptation. You've gotta marry someone else. Make him jealous forever. Talk about other guys in front of him. Just ruin this man's self-esteem. Make him seem like he is
the least desirable man in the world. Talk about how Mark is so hot. Have you heard of the Arctic Monkeys? Mark burned me their newest CD and I just can't stop listening to it. I really wanna fuck Mark. I think I'm actually eloping with Mark. Hey, just an update, Mark and I are married and
we're gonna have our first kid. Hey, I know it's been a while, but Mark and I we're
living our whole lives to make you jealous. But the Arctic Monkeys,
now, if you'll recall, Mark did burn me a CD of theirs that I couldn't stop listening to. They actually played at our wedding and now our kids are
graduating from college. I love Mark. What can I say? Hope you're doing great. Hope you're doing good though. I hope you're still jealous at me. So in short, completely crush a man. Crush all of his dreams. And that's the end actually. You never get with him. You never reveal that you've
been trying to make him jealous this whole time. You just destroy his
life and his self-esteem. Oh, sorry. At the very end, don't try to
make him jealous for too long if your goal is to date him. Well, sorry. I have already
retired with my wife. So how to fake drunk text your ex. This is unhinged. This was written by a real person, a staff writer at wikiHow. Okay, so this author has
written a lot of these, "Seduce a Libra Woman". "Know if a Leo Woman Likes You", "Text a Sagittarius Man", "How to Caress". They've got a wide breath
of knowledge, it seems. Sometimes texting your
ex without an excuse may feel too scary. Okay, red flag alert. But by pretending to be drunk, you can take tons of
pressure off the situation. In any case, a fake drunk
text can give you the con... This is wild. Send a friendly fun message
to get the conversation going. Messages like, Hey, I'm drunk. (laughing) Text them a funny thought
you just had about them. Okay, you know what I just thought about? If you moved to Montana, you
would be Hannah from Montana. Woah. I think that's more of a high thought than like a drunk thought. Or go for the friendly
over the top greeting, throw in a couple extra letters to give the impression
that you've been drinking. Oh yeah. Heyyy. Hint to the fact that
you've been drinking, I think it is clear
from this text already. You do not need to do
any additional hinting. Oh my God, Deepti left
her phone at the last bar. I'll text you at a sec. Cowboy... What are these emojis? They just don't match the tone. I just got red wine on my new sneakers. I think it's pretty obvious at that point, you're laying it on a little thick. Send a blurry silly photo. You're so drunk that the
auto focus on your phone doesn't work? Send a silly selfie, a blurry photo of something your ex... Your ex? Wait, why is this your... Oh, it does say fake drunk text your ex. This whole time, I didn't realize we were trying to reengage with an ex. This is wild. The best part about fake drunk texting is that you have to fake drunk apologize for texting the next day. Oh my God, yesterday.
I regret that so much. That was wild. Whoops, I'm so sorry. I'm so embarrassed. And last but not least
we have to end this. Okay. But this is maximum toxicity. This is the maximum toxicity article. How to check your boyfriend's
phone without him knowing. I think this is fucked up. This is bad behavior. We don't like to see this at all. Where is my boyfriend? Who is he texting? It's a terrible feeling when you start to doubt
your partner's whereabouts and wonder if he's been
less than faithful. Okay, but maybe have a
conversation before spying. You have a few technical
options at your disposal. Tracking your boyfriend's
phone with Find My iPhone. Oh, that's so weird. Notify me when he goes to a new location. Oh, and then you could
also use paid spying apps. So in case you wanna
spy on your boyfriend, please use any of the
surveillance technology available. His old text messages and outgoing calls? Dude, this is wild. Why did we write a guide about this? Huh? This person knows an awful
lot about spying applications. I'm a little concerned. What else do they know stuff about? Ah, yes. Air conditioners. Oh, how to extend my garage and how to reset a Frigidaire dishwasher. Replace grease in a grease gun. This person knows everything. They're like anything you need. Home renovations, spying on your boyfriend. I got it all. Whatever you need. You wanna get bad smells
out of your microwave? No problem. Oh, you wanna know who your
boyfriend's been texting? I'll tell you that, but only after I tell you how
to tell a Roomba to go home. Make a worm farm? I have a question for
you my premium viewers. Would you still subscribe to
me if I was a worm, be honest. Oh, okay. I respect it. No further questions. But I hope we all learn something today and I hope we're all just
a little bit more alarmed. Bye. (bright music)
