Late last night, someone mentioned a word,
and maybe in a sense indirectly asking me to speak about something, so I got
that message from you, thank you. And it was sort of to clear up this this
ongoing misunderstanding that people have about things like attachment,
detachment, and so on. It's very common in the world of spirituality that people
have come to affirm kind of this term or state this term, "I'm unattached," you know
or rather "I'm detached," or "I'm not attached." They use variations of it, but
what they're saying is, "I'm spiritual. I'm not attached to any out..." and
so on, but all too often our actions are very, very different than our words. "I'm
just entering a very unconditional, loving relationship and I'll stay there
as long as they behave a certain way." You know there's a lot of misstated and
dishonest statements and this concept of I am NOT an attached person. I don't get
attached to outcomes, bless you. It's almost impossible to live in this world
and not have an attachment to some degree .There are people that are
attached to not having attachments it is true there are a lot of people in
spiritual practices that are attached to not having attachments. WWhat do I mean by
attachments? If you find yourself even obsessing on being without attachment
you're still attached. "A course in Miracles" is a very interesting book,
material, channeling, because it's telling you in this world your goal of
Christ conscience is developing awakening spirituality ascension
whatever you believe in. Your goal is not to get rid of your ego. And a lot of
other systems are like, no you must get rid of the ego, which then means there's
something to get rid of. And if there's something to get rid of you being a
child of God who's all creative and consciousness as soon as you affirm
there's something I need to get rid of it's there how could it not be the rules
would then be negated that you have a power to create something so when you
say no no I've got to get rid of this ego you're all you're doing is spinning
your wills cuz you're affirming it's there
and you got to get rid of it how you gonna get rid of it because you affirmed
it's there and you get nowhere other than the global depression that we
have so there are groups that are very very intent on this we must somehow
extract the ego and so on and of course in miracles' is saying listen there's
only one way to get rid of the ego as you're calling it forgive yourself for
believing that there is an ego forgive yourself for believing that you are an
ego in other words and if you forgive yourself you would be unattached to it
it would disappear on its own because there's nothing to disappear your
investment in it would start to dissipate therefore it would start to
fade it wouldn't even melt saying I'm melting as it's on its way out it
wouldn't even do that it would that when one great person once said it'll just be
retired for lack of work you just won't you just won't be invested in it so
there's it sort of happens in stages first you have to own that you have an
ego now I don't mean it's like a thing like an oppressive demonic being it just
means there's a part of me that is afraid of my light if you can just own
that then we're done we got that part out of the way because that's called an
ego but everybody made the ego into something to be ashamed of afraid of it
you know demonized and so so it we made it such a big thing that even even
owning that you have one means you're flawed you're messed up when in fact it
only means you're on your way home yes the ego self that's all the ego self
meaning there's a part of me that's afraid of my ultimate identity but why
would don't start analyzing how you got an ego why you got an ego nor whose
fault it is that you got my view of my parents gave me my ego don't don't even
just however it happened I can see that it's possible and that's enough for
stage one an ego then to recognize this fallings propensity
tendency to follow my ego is actually not making me happy
it is important for us to acknowledge that because as you start to see that
you become then willing to let it go if you own that it's not making you happy
you're then going to be willing to let it go that's essential then the third
step would be and to surrender it let it go after you and I don't mean once it's
for all permanent I just mean anytime you see it I see what's happening I'm
afraid right now it could be a moment of self-doubt that's still the ego rearing
its head it could be a moment of judgment of somebody including yourself
just the ego see it this is not making me happy this is not who I really am you
know I'm a better person if I can put you down well you know I
yeah you know look at that person God there they're looking old I'm glad I'm
not aging as badly as them that seems like it's just a common human thing no
that's that's an ego behind that is I feel so upset that I'm aging that I need
to find someone else make them look worse so I look better it's all just a
scam and you're buying into it what we're being asked to do is can you go
oops that might not be God speaking and are you gonna justify it no I think it
is the Lord it's the Lord God hello my beloved child in whom I am well pleased
you're looking so much better than them who I'm not pleased
he really can you can you even remotely justify it's not God just come on
secondly is that making you happy well actually kind of because you know as
long as someone else looks worse okay does it make you feel better knowing
that when you criticize them as you were talking about them I noticed a new
stress line popped into your face how's that feel not very good it's not gonna
make you happy ultimately resentment it's you know resenting it's destroying
your organs it chokes out your your endocrine system your glands which then
mess up your chakras your energy systems are off so you can try and justify that
judgment or hurtful thoughts or but they're really not so I see that I'm
doing it it's not really making me happy therefore since this voice doesn't bring
me closer to who I am I think I'm willing to let it go you're on your way
but after that emptying of your cup now what would you like instead you know I
think peace and happiness see now humans even in the new age market are gonna
start saying things like lottery you know and things eternal youth you know
how about something deeper than that how about tranquility how about peace
that surpasses understanding call upon something fantastic and learn to fill up
with that not once and for all each moment that were tempted to be something
that we're not own it see that it's not helping surrender it replace it with God
and then in your own way give thanks just replace it with a feeling of love
this is not what I would choose to see in you today no matter what I think I'm
seeing you know once again you know the the the the some utility companies
hurting me because they charge me too much you know if you had abundance you
probably wouldn't care you wouldn't even notice so they're just triggering your
fears about money or about authority figures or whatever it it's triggering
see it and recognize it's not making you happy to make others less you choose to
give it up replace it with you know what I really want to fill is peace peace and
happiness and you'll know you're getting it if you're willing to extend that
peace to the person you were talking about when you started if you say I want
to do some work on my ex okay and I okay fine I can I can see that I got
triggered a little okay fine and I'm willing to like let them go to a new
level that's kind of convenient sometimes your will God let's get rid of
them you know but when when you hear true healing it's when spirit then says
you've done a great job oh thank you oh Lord and you're starting to fill some
tranquility yes you're even starting to see purple you're really doing great
your your energy your third eye can you feel it opening it's wonderful isn't it
yeah like you know the doors are opening the
drawbridge drops you're about to reach enlightenment and they'll just be a
question still isn't this feeling great yes it is Lord now let's just go ahead
and extend this to them to wait a minute I thought we got rid of them you're
that's the ultimate test is can you then wish upon people that you might have
been upset with can you wish them to have what you're asking for
do you think of somebody you don't like financial let's say some wealthy
character in this world that in some way you think is not a good person but
they're wealthy you win the lottery could you in your prayer of wanting to
win the lottery or a gratitude that you won the lottery could you include that
person as part of your prayer and say wow and I really want to extend in fact
I'm gonna give them a tithe I'm gonna tithe to so-and-so
you know that that's a good way to test yourself to see if you really got it you
know can you wish for the X that took everything you know when they left and
did all the horrible things that they sometimes have done could you see
yourself wishing that they find peace and that's a good thing I'm not telling
you to pretend you're not hurting but I'm just saying then the stages of
healing we ultimately learn even when I'm not willing to affirm them goodness
I'm attached to my pain I'm attached to my hurt which is really amazing because
that actually feeds energy systems of people like that there for someone else
out there is going to go oh I'm feeling drawn to you for some reason you know
and you're thinking oh great yeah new relationship and in fact they're they're
being drawn to your dysfunction you know they can sense it on some level because
you haven't healed your resentments going to attract other people to kind of
have a similar tendency to do what these people do so I got to make that foreign
by moving out the thing that draws those kinds of people and moving in something
different and those predatorial kinds of people they're not really that attracted
to wholeness it's a funny thing when they sense somebody's got their act
together they're like I better go somewhere else
because if you got your act together you're likely gonna call them out you're
likely to say excuse me wait wait what you know oh you confused me with
somebody who's dysfunctional that's not gonna happen and it tends to turn them
off and that's a good good turn off you know so in this world people have this
tendency for attachment and it's well explained by Buddha he's saying that the
whole essence after he wakes up his he says the whole essence to the whole
illusion of life is fairly simple and he uses the word ignorant which has been
completely missed translated to mean lack of knowledge you know he says the
number one problem with human beings ignorance and the people went I should
read more and as though that's a solution he he meant pure and simple and
I've never heard ever heard in a book or a teaching this answer all he meant was
ignorance meaning that you forgot who you are ignorance of who you are not
ignorance of information so and I'm sure someone said that out there I've just
sadly I've never heard it it shouldn't be rare for people to get it
so Buddhists non-buddhist alike number one issue in humanity ignorance meaning
human beings have forgotten who they are then he progresses that conversation
they forgot who they are therefore they start looking for
something to fill them when they find something that seems to fill them they
will become attached to that thing this world will remove whatever it was called
taking it away which will cause you misery well that's why that famous
one-liner from Buddha life is suffering he's you know I've said this many times
it sounds like a terrible motivational speaker but he's actually telling you
the truth more than most motivational speakers could ever tell you he's
telling you this world is all about suffering not because it's supposed to
be but because we manufacture a world of politics and all kinds of things but
from an insane mind insane meaning you're not saying meaning you're
not in reality so people have forgotten who they are as
soon as you forget who you are you're not in reality anymore so now in your
desperation you start looking for something to fill you such as if only
our candidate wins if only my will is getting done if only
if only if and the if only is heading for trouble when you forget you you're
out you're not bad for forgetting just remember just turn it around make it
like this here's my linear version of time okay I'm moving through my day in
this moment I forgot Who I am Who I remembered a quick little circle done
Wow that was funny for a moment there I
forgot but I'm back good let's move on holding that Center throughout my day
but instead what happens is moving right along oh wait a minute oh my god I'm
completely forgetting who I am I think it's your fault and your fault in your
fault in your fault in your revolt in true oh man I'm in pain I'm suffering I
better take a workshop I need a counselor I need 12-step group heywait
responsibility oh look I'm back and that's the difference the short path and
the typical human path and the typical you know even this circle that was
cutting it short usually it's lifetimes before somebody
has an epiphany of some kind so what happens is we become attached to the
things that we think are going to fix us and that is addiction but it's also
every form of addiction including codependents like when you think
something is going to make you feel better you will get attached to it if it
stops working whether it's medication that was working on your migraines for
it worked for a month but it stopped working you're going to get frustrated
and then when you find another medicine that costs four times as much you're
going to get upset Buddha's trying to tell you you're upset
is not just about the medicine you're upset is that something failed your
agenda why did you need the agenda in the first because I needed something to
fix me why don't you start working on the part of you that doesn't need fixed
your real self that doesn't mean and in A Course in Miracles he's going to say
that doesn't mean don't take don't take your medicine go ahead and
take it but start working on the mind that thinks it's something other than
what it is there's a part of you that can't be sick start nurturing that piece
so Buddha doesn't just tell you these four stages of ignorance you know like
foregut forget I call it amnesia amnesia and then searching for love in all the
wrong places looking for love then attaching to what you perceive to be an
answer and then it goes and it will go something's going to end if it's in this
three-dimensional universe it's going to go it's gonna die it's gonna end it's
gonna something and that's why he said life is suffering because everything you
can see or sense with your senses is going to come to an end when it does
you're going to be upset so we being the brilliant beings that we are we came up
with a solution complete detachment well if people that are attached are
dysfunctional obviously the opposite must be good so
we'll just be detached and we become cold kind of stoic you know that we call
that non attachments not non attachment that's detached so there's a difference
between attachment which again has a Genesis I forget Who I am
I look for love in all the wrong places get attached to finding it it leaves and
I'm upset again which means now I go on a search again and this isn't a search
we do once every so many years called like marriage and divorce this is
thousands of times per day without us realizing it the opposite that's it
detached I look at me I'm not getting as upset and what you're
doing is because I don't care about anything I'm being cut off from my
feelings and some people justify this I mean I got I know people that pretend to
be spiritual because they know how to shut off their emotions look at me I'm
not upset at all you know as their liver is like rotting you know from from anger
towards somebody no you know just because you can pack it in doesn't mean
you're enlightened so you just you just to pack better you
know pack stuff in when you're attached you can be attached to material things
and it doesn't take much to think of the variety of material things you can be
attached to relationships of every kind not just partnerships you can have
attachments and you will have attachments of every kind you can be
attached to viewpoints you can be attached attached to outcomes politics
boats elections you know all kinds of attachments you can have attachments
energetically you can have attachments even with what you think is love and you
think is unconditional but it's conditional and and you're not a bad
person just Wow oops that's all just like okay wow I was
I see where I was a little attached there and I'm also not started trying to
start a new religion where we also just walk around going oh wait I was attached
no wait now is it that's true now Despina now I'm attached to not being in
tights you know I'm not trying to create some thing where everybody walks around
getting all like you know just frantic about attachment just start with the
things that are most dramatically showing up as attachments and the things
that show up most consistently or repetitively just start with simple
things and then you're gonna be able to just look at the umbrella of it all and
go wow you know I mean yeah I can see where you know even spiritual
attachments you know I did some great forgiveness yesterday or last week or
last month with so-and-so god I felt great and then they called and and then I had an ulcer and now I'm
mad that they called because they upset my non-attachment
but but you were attached and it's okay to do just what you're doing just just
laugh sometimes you cry but but it's also okay just to laugh and go WOW good
one uh yeah that one slipped under the radar you know kind of make light of it
a little bit whatever the attachments might be when I
was a young guy you know and had my first child there was a part of me that
really wanted the very deeply wonderful spiritual experience for these kids but
in that there was attachment to there was an attachment to I want I want
people to see what it's like to have spiritual children and then they grew up
you know like you know I had you know like yeah so Rosemary's Baby or whatever
you know no brilliant kids but then things happen and I was attached to them
being healthy and they ended up abused it somehow it just happened and when I
found out about it man it just fried my brain I mean it just it just levels I
think of pain that I never imagined I could have but for all kinds of reasons
but underneath it all there was still a slight attachment that that not happened
you know there was a slight attachment if you protect them or if you did
spiritual you try all these things and it still happens it's like how and
there's layers of the pain for them but there's also our own lay out layers of
pain people don't quite realize even when someone passes away and you're
hurting you're not always hurting for them because they're actually fine
they're actually fine you're hardly upset because of your attachments that
they live longer that you sorted out that relationship
before they died that they hadn't died so suddenly that they hadn't died so
lengthily you know that it dragged out so long that they hadn't lived with you
or that they did live with you there's the pain is still it for lack of a
better word guys it's selfish and I'm not criticizing you for filling pain I'm
just saying it helps if we look and go let me look at my attachment to this we
also use the word from attachment we sometimes use the word investment how
was I invested in this in some way because if you start using only
attachment you'll start making it like a ritual word and then it becomes just
blank and you just start throwing it out there sometimes shift it to you know
especially when you're doing some soul-searching investment how was I
invested in this how was i how did I might maybe in other word have an agenda
that's why in 12-step work they use some words to get you to kind of peel layers
of where you might have had investments or agendas and some human beings will
just there's no way there I had no agendas whatsoever don't you dare blame
me nobody's blaming and we can tell by your reaction that there probably was a
little something but we won't bring it up until you're ready you know that's
what you have to do sometimes how willing are we to look at and I mean
that wasn't my first thought when I heard stuff about my kids you know 15
years after the fact I mean just grief devastation just all kinds of feelings
but I didn't go right into okay in what way was I invested I mean had to go past
the your initial responses first and grow to the point in that car each of
conversation should be grown if they go backwards through blame and hate not
good if they become static stagnant not good so it takes time to progress to
where I could go okay wait yeah it's possible that I would have
thought hoped that this would have been my kids would have been safe or my kids
would have been different you know all kinds of things like that you don't need
to condemn yourself about it to see it you've probably should share it with
someone like a sponsor or a counselor because as you talk it through
you work layers of it out it's kind of amazing keep secrets and they will
destroy you but you let them unravel and sometimes that's that's by talking about
these things you know for me I mean I talk in front of hundreds of people and
I don't become like narcissistic and talk about myself although me but I
share examples because it's relevant and because that's this is this is my life
this is my world I don't have a separate world where you know a couple of people
I mean if most of my life is done like this in front of people so you are my
friends or family or whatever so for me it's a little freakier to not talk to a
counselor in confidence and but to talk to hundreds and then thousands online at
the same time who were watching you as you share those things and so the half a
dozen times in all my years here I had tears in my eyes because it's
therapeutic and even knowing what I know processing how I process it still
sometimes becomes a therapeutic thing not like I'm using you for my therapy
but I'm saying that as I talk it it unravels more and as I talk it under
avals more and would I like any part of it to not unravel and keep it secret now
do I sometimes think oh man I would love to have not brought that up in front of
hundreds of people and maybe you know the shower might have been a good place
for it or some you know somewhere else yeah that comes up and then I how do you
think I should respond to that forgive myself and be at peace with it the same
as I would tell you to do if you processed here and you know cried or
something there's nobody here with a half a mind of consciousness that would
blame you for we'd totally embrace you but standing in front it it seems like
it's different but I won't allow it to be different I still do my best to
process it and watch for attachments coming and going so people have
attachments you're going to have them to wish you didn't have them oh that's fine
but just be willing to see that you were wishing that you didn't have them why
would you wish that you didn't have because you're attached to being perfect
because you're attached to having your act together because you're attached to
having only stellar children or stellar life I'm going to be a great college
student straight A's only and then one time it didn't happen be like me
just fail at all the classes in school you just kind of get used to it you know
yeah I didn't you know high school wasn't my thing school was never my
thing you know so we go through life and we realize attachments in sports even
watching other teens you there's an attachment to one team winning yeah but
this team's the good one there right that one's a bad team this politicians
good that one's bet there's attachments all that and look at how attached people
are and it'll seem sometimes to ridiculous things and it is ridiculous
but it's all ridiculous your version of what an attachment is that's bad is not
you know okay and and there's good attachments it's anything that you're
attached to is not even accurate it's not even true you don't say well there's
good attachments so attachments not great but also being detached all that
is is an overcompensation and there are a lot of people that call it spiritual
all that said we're not going to swing the pendulum we're not looking for
attachment we're not looking for detachment we're looking for what
non-attachment it's different not detached non
attachment means I have an option I could get attached but I'm not finding
myself doing so so I'm not attached and that's where pieces most people don't
know about the third option most people don't discuss the third option and
that's why most people don't discover the third option and live the third
option and even this is a process non non attachment what does that look like
it's a healthy level of consciousness it's closer to unconditional love but it
doesn't mean I'm attached to never having an attachment about love I see it
and I walk through it and I do what I can with it if I slip and find myself
upset I likely had an attachment of some kind let me look at where that came from
the way to work on attachments is not to make yourself not have attachments
because that's detached it's to start going through certain
one of them being just self-awareness know thyself know this is one of those
moments when oops I kind of got attached here oops I found myself being detached
here I wonder why I would detach what do you think it is probably to protect
myself well Michael or whomever why were you feeling the need to protect yourself
well because if I would have let him know this they would have thought that
of me and what if they did and you learn to walk through these conversations with
yourself to realize my attachment and detachment is all ego based it's all
fear-based because I'm afraid of what you might think of me if you knew that I
thought felt lived this so I did my best to react to it or shut it down
instead I'm gonna you know learn to be vulnerable but learning to be open the
the great masters in history guys you know they taught it they and they said
if you're not aware of how to become non-attached
you're gonna be unhealthy not once in history not once in history dead
attachment or detachment not cause the practitioner of it the participant pain
not once in history that's a huge statement and I'm making it anyway not
once in history did attachment and detachment not result in some form of
pain also not once in history did non-attachment ever cause pain so then
why wouldn't we just choose that in the first place well let's do it it makes
sense how do I get there well you you can't just say okay non-attached ready
go starting now I'm completely not it you know it's peeling off layers of my
fear-based self and how again looking at myself being willing to just bring
myself to the altar and watching my frailties my fears and letting them peel
off peel off and and by the way when I use that phrase peel off it brings up
that common thing it's like an onion people that use that phrase they'll say
things like it's like an onion there's layers and and there's and it'll
go on forever no no no no not even an onion has layers that go on forever so
yeah people man anyway thank God I'm not attached to that
um but peeling layers in there therefore the layers go on forever no they don't
that's not a healthy affirmation to say they go on forever
why would I even want to start peeling them if they're never going to end it
does end just don't be attached as to win there see the trick there it's gonna
end so will the whole illusion the life of fear ego based living in war and so
on it's all going to come to an end but if you're attached to when that is it
will not come to an end because there's an it that you need to come to an end
the ending comes through our forgiveness of ourselves for believing that it was
there for believing we needed to you know deserved to have negative things
happen to us it's all back to forgiveness again and again and again
again you know no matter how many times you go around it's going to come back to
that forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness so we realize I'm now choosing
non-attachment reasons why because attachment and
detachment cause they only ever cause pain non-attachment
doesn't why would I even try non attachment it's very simple and why how
could I even believe in non attachment to understand that whatever you think
you could attach to isn't actually even there that'll help when you really when
you actually come to understand life is but a dream when you understand this is
nothing but a hologram you start to think twice about whether you want to
attach to things if you could have a mystical vision that could tell you
spirit just downloads to you a perfect understanding that this world is nothing
but a place of shadows why would you grab one and marry it
and I'm not dissing marriage I'm saying why why would you grab a shadow and say
you and me ought to hook up it's a shadow it's all it is it's just light
images you know and it's okay to see light through a prism shining on a wall
making rainbows we go god that's beautiful but I don't date it it's just
it's just beautiful lights and I'm not saying don't do things of this world I'm
saying know what it is food it's a shadow eat the right foods
for you eat by all means but their shadows date marry have children but
their shadows and that's why people don't know how to practice
non-attachment because then it means that I'm going to have to admit that I'm
not only following shadows I'm actually causing them creating them by being
invested in a world of shadows I'm actually helping to co-create a world of
shadows do I want to own it which is called separation do I want to own that
I contribute to mankind separateness well heck no so i actually consciously
and subconsciously keep creating a world of shadows making it seem like it's real
so that it justifies my reaction to that world
you know i don't usually get upset but I saw this thing happen and now I have a
reason to be upset so when we get attached to things it's going to cause
us pain but it's actually mirroring lessons for us it mirrors our own
vulnerabilities and our weaknesses and we have the right and we have the power
we have everything we need to turn that around imagine this there is a God and
God is the consciousness of love and God wants nothing more for us than to
remember that that's all and is not attached to that it just knows it's
going to happen it's not attached as to when but God can say but but I'm really
sad to see you folks keep living in such pain I mean my heart goes out to you on
one level knowing that it's an illusion it's it is an illusion but I still feel
sad that you believe in this place having power over you
I feel sad to see that you hate that you're afraid but I affirmed the
difference between God and humans but I am aware it'll come to an end and Jesus
himself says when will the end be he says no one knows why because of free
will it could be today could be yesterday it could be tomorrow and
that's how unconditional spirit could be spirit can say I absolutely I all I am
is love so how could I do anything but love you and to see you torture yourself
Wow and yet I'm going to allow you to do
this as long as you feel you need to that is an intense level of
unconditional love for something to be only love and watch only hate or fear
and allow it to be that's absolute unconditional love one way that it does
it is because it knows the outcome is good so that means that's also a clue
for us hey my children made in my image if you'd like some some training some
ideas on how to pull this off follow my example see it you're allowed to be sad
about it but keep affirming the end result keep seeing the outcome and you
won't be attached you'll know because attachment means I already have a staged
agenda outcome and I want it to go a certain way and then attachment gets
even more out of control with and if it doesn't I'm gonna panic why because the
only outcome I could conjure up that was decent didn't happen because I forgot
how to believe in an outcome that is absolutely certain and I'm going to now
surrender to that I'm going to surrender to the outcome that is certain the only
outcome God and in that outcome everyone goes home but part of my agenda is fed
by but I can't figure out how that's going
to happen so in my limited mind the best I could do is a few of you are worthy
the ones I like so you're gonna go home the rest of you not so much and that
means I have an attachment the people I like are always going to be nice see
because we have attachments that people that we like are always going to be nice
that too is an attachment and then they all they pull the rug out from under us
and it devastates us the pain you're feeling is not the rug being pulled and
your fall how could you even be falling any distance if you didn't already
perceive yourselves in a false high I'm already okay and I'm stable they pull
the rug out means they leave you and yet somehow you're like yeah you're okay
here's a great analogy of this and then we're coming to a close in any
relationship even if it's with your car your animals partners kids whatever in
any relationship there's a you and there's them they are seemingly two
separate consciousness people or whatever or things me and my car but
there's a third entity my relationship with that thing where the fingers are
overlapped me it the relationship with it if it pulls away if someone says you
know I'm going to end in relationship whatever it is here's how much you
should be affected right there I wasn't devastated our relationship which is the
third party came to an end not me I didn't come to an end the only way that
it can feel like instead of me you and us the only way it can feel painful to
me is if I allowed you or us to start to overwhelm and become me and I lost sight
of me my job I worked so many hours and I gave so much that when they fired me
laid me off or whatever and didn't give me a gold watch or whatever it was
I became devastated how and why because I became the job when it ended watch
what happened I mean look when when it collapse collapses I went with it
autonomy ignorance I forgot who
why was I became the job they let me go I crashed I built this company from the
bottom up and someone took it over can you believe they did this well again was
there a third party there something happened there there are relationships
they have children that children pass away the relationship can't survive
because the child would be the third party in this analogy it goes and we got
lost in it so we're devastated that's how and why people can't recover from
traumas and abuses even if someone's abused you you become so identified with
the abuse there's no a belief that you can survive and even good meaning
well-meaning people can inadvertently make you identify with that abuse
forever you can even be called a survivor of abuse you're actually a holy
child of God not just a survivor of abuse that's a better identity mind you
than just an abused one but we evolve our identity I'd rather not settle I am
as God created me and practice identifying with that how often as often
as you can subtle thoughts you know feelings and
affirmation sometimes verbal affirmations but also when you see other
people sick or upset or affirm their goodness you can still hold them when
they cry you can still help them with a few dollars if you have it it's not bad
you don't want to be detached from people's issues but you also don't want
to be attached to them you know there are people you've known and loved and
and lost them somehow if you think of someone who abandoned you or if you
think of someone who got sick and died there's a temptation to only ever
remember that's the person who abandoned me which means a label that's oh and
they died they left me they died that means you're affirming forever that
they're just a dead person is that all you're they're allowed to be really and
people are afraid to imagine them beyond what do you mean you want me to see this
person with angel's wings they destroyed me they they dumped me they betrayed me
and you're telling me to give them angel I don't even have Angels wing why would
I give them to them you know it's true and and loved ones passed on and to
really understand that they're in the light near there okay you should be
seeing them as that not as a dead person but there's a part of us no no I want to
keep them as a dead person because then I can identify with see nice to meet you
I'm the such-and-such of a dead person you're attached to that identity for
some reason you know if you're going to be attached but not really be attached
to healthy things you know get attached to it to reality but I don't mean really
attached so think in terms of lastly can I have healthy expectations is it is it
okay guys is it okay if I say you know hey you want to get together for lunch
shirt and noon today okay great let's do noon today it's not I'm not bad and
attached that I went there you didn't show up it's okay for me to assume
you're gonna show up but how upset I get about it would determine how attached I
was to you showing up but here's what I might do not go out to lunch again with
you because because what I might be doing is I'll work on my part my
reaction but I might not do this again because I could be feeding an attachment
you have to making agreements and not following through so it's okay for me to
set healthy boundaries and even my boundaries I can't be attached to you
know I just chose not to not to agree to go out with certain people you know
because they don't keep their commitments you know certain what kinds
of people is it tall people short people you need is what you know how they are
all people over five eight don't show up when they say that really
I mean so that starts to show me where my attachments are so I clear all that
and I might say I'm probably not gonna go with this person who five times
didn't show up that's a healthy boundary but boundaries are not walls they're
actually flexible so what if I had that happen with one of you and then outside
here one that same person who didn't show up five times says do you mind
sitting with me for a minute I'm going through something that's when I will be
able to test whether my boundary became a wall oh oh mister I never show up once
to have a conversation all of a sudden you'll know that there was a little
something there you know I always joked about it because I had a family member
who teased me about my spirituality all through my youth you know and all that
and oh you and that in the Euro and that you and that you and then one time they
called middle of the night like 3:00 a.m. you know hey I just had a weird
dream and they told me this freaky dream they had you know what does it mean
there was a temptation you know like hmm I can tell you all kinds of things now
would be a good time to insert all kinds of you know retribution for your teasing
me you know it means you're a jerk you know or whatever but can you set that
stuff aside that's that's one way to know that your boundary wasn't a wall
someone you know reaches out and can I be helpful how would you be helping how
would you have me be helpful today does it mean putting yourself at risk in in
some way that that person or anybody else harm you know does it mean
something should be done to harm that person no how can I be helpful today
means how can I be helpful to the greatest number of people so I wouldn't
advise attachment but don't make a religion over it about it you know of it
and detachment all that is is the opposite it's just a reaction detachment
you could say is almost more fearful fear-based than attachment because I'm
so afraid of attachment I've been hurt so many times being attached I'm going
to do the other as some sort of a reaction all it is is
a protective mechanism so I guess that's not working well then what do I do give
up no non-attachment and it's a process so I'm going to
practice seeing the triggers walking through the triggers processing myself
getting to know myself and also sending healthier boundaries and also
communicating what's happening for me you know clearer communication hey its
third time around yes let's meet for lunch and you didn't show up the other
couple of times you're asking me again okay but then let me share this watch
lovingly you can say I'm gonna go ahead now if you want me to meet you out of
place I don't even like the food there and then I'm already setting myself up
but if I could say to myself I'm gonna go because I like the food I'm gonna
have lunch anyway but if you don't show up it's probably the last time we'll
have the discussion but see I'm still gonna go someplace that where I can sit
and just enjoy myself I would set it up in a way that I'm still safe feel okay
and at peace still a boundary but I won't do this again
so non-attachment is neither of those other two extremes
it's a healthy state of where I am Who I am
and I communicate that to everyone else so that they have a right to kind of
dance with me and that dance instead of playing a certain tune that they can't
dance to doesn't make sense here's what I'm able to dance to does that work for
you no okay then let's not try so that we don't put each other in a harm's way
I'm attached to to you dancing my dance and it's not even your kind of music
so let everybody off the hook communicate your needs communicate what
feels right for you what feels healthy for you let's take a few centering
breaths centering into a quiet place inside of
our soul and just coming to an honest clarity simple question first
in what ways in my life have I ever allowed myself to become detached did I
ever demonstrate detachment conversationally a job with my children
with my parents did I ever go overboard to exhibit signs of pulling away whether
it was out of hurt or out of trying to be superior by withdrawing and showing
that they can't get to me that's all detachment so just be aware any times in
your life when you were excessively detached and then just ask yourself honest
question look for simple spontaneous answer what value might there have been
in being detached might I have thought there was something to gain from that
what was its purpose and it probably didn't bring me the
ultimate state of consciousness that I would have been hoping for trying to
prevent a didn't bring me necessarily bring me Zee look at times in your life where you
were attached overtly obviously attached attached to an
outcome attached to the relationship lasting forever attached to maintaining
your sobriety but those things didn't happen attached to a certain surgical
process working for you any kind of attachment attachment that you could
convince someone to like you that doesn't like you just open the mind and
let the divine mother she knows in what we need to see today what examples we
need to see of where we've been attached attached to looking a certain way attached to your book selling millions
of copies attached that your song would become number one in the pop charts attached that your father or mother
would like you or love you more than they seem to have just keep opening your
mind to different things that that job I would have got that job winning that lottery because your dream
said you were gonna win it attached to the time synchronicities made it very
clear that something great was going to happen and it didn't happen all these
and more I now bring to the altar of the truth of God I'm aware that I've been
attached I'm aware that I've been detached none of which ultimately
brought me what I had hoped for and it could very well be that the reason I
didn't get those things was to show me that my issues of being attached is more
important than me getting what I want not because the universe is punishing me
it's trying to help me the universe is saying you not being attached is far
better for you than getting a job but that's hard for 3-dimensional people to
understand but if I learn to heal I will get the job if I make spirit
consciousness my priority I will get all the things I think I need in this world so in this moment Holy Spirit of God we
give our heartfelt permission for you to become our teacher our guide our healer
you guide us into a life of non-attachment we refuse and have no
interest in attachment or detachment we're choosing non attachment and we
welcome this in guide us exactly how to most effortlessly traverse this journey
non-attachment how to have reasonable expectations
about life I felt a little hungry I ate something and I feel better that's okay
but if I'm attached to it I'm willing to see that there was an attachment when
something in this world tells me I need more that I'm not enough that
something's not adequate it's probably starting to read
to me areas where I'm off I'm okay with reasonable attachments reasonable
outcomes just reasonable but not get attached to them it's okay that if I go
to start my car that it starts today it's reasonable to assume if it's a new
car that it would start it's reasonable my reactions can become unreasonable
that's what I'm willing to see I'm not bad for having reasonable assumptions
but I'm willing to look at my attachment to their outcome and in so doing I
become a very different person let's spend the closing part of the meditation
with that imagine if you right now we're blessed with I'm your fairy godfather
and I say and so it is and you were blessed with a grace non-attachment
how would you be different start seeing it and it'll become visualize how you
would be different at work your friendships finances partnership
parenting in all areas of your life what does it look like to be non-attached if
you're not sure you can still answer a great brilliant answer I don't know but
I'm willing to find out and feel a tranquility not just a
intellectual response to this imagine feeling the grace of God descending into
the room actually weaving itself into your being and unwinding attachments and
attachments unwinding stuff where we held ourselves guilty for not being this
enough or that enough unwinding erroneous beliefs about ourselves and
allowing peace I am as God created me this can never change I am as God
created me and so it is very good always allow whether it's a book you
read a service you listen to a lecture online always allow these things to just
have the deepest effect possible don't just hear them try to really imagine
breathing this and taking it with you know like wow I I am different I this is
having an effect if every talk every book you know good book that you allow
yourself to attract had even 1% of a difference in your life imagine how it
adds up 1% becomes 2 and 20 and 50 and enlightenment you know so allow these
things to really really soak in sink in integrate
