Aspel and Company - Dave Allen, Penelope Keith and Tom Jones

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you very much indeed and welcome to another series of cozy fireside chats 1991 is a palindrome which might sound like the name of your favorite cinema but means as i'm sure you know anyway something that reads the same backwards like the word radar so 1991 backwards is 1991. and i thought it'd be a good game to try it on the names of my guests but it doesn't work have you ever heard of an international singing star called cena mott no he's better the right way round because tonight we'll be enjoying the company of tom jones and i'm delighted to say that we'll be joined by the highly decorous penelope keith and first first the man whose company i always enjoy he's about to return to the west end stage for a limited season when asked why he'd been away so long he replied actually i'm retired but in order to keep myself in retirement in the manner to which i'm accustomed i have to work that's the way he looks at things ladies and gentlemen dave allen [Music] dave now it can be told you are an underground star in romania it can but how did you discover this i don't know uh somebody somebody came over from once uh romania had been slightly liberated and it turned out that they'd been flogging these shows around they weren't shown openly they were black market and were they dubbed dubbed into a romanian how did that work terrible i mean can you imagine an irish joke about the pope in romania where else are you uh underground people have tried to ban me in norway finland sweden australia i was banned um i've been banned a few places but you're a hero there too i'm a hero there too poland uh is big germany's big i've seen myself in german that's extraordinary the dubbing in german i mean i'm sitting on the stool going vegetables and the house and you yourself i thought jesus i didn't know i spoke the language yeah but what about uh reaction from from fans have you heard well uh i mean recently but uh i was in uh london airport uh waiting to meet somebody there's hordes of people like everybody's horde people just waiting and there was a young woman and a young man sitting near the coffee bar with a brand new baby i mean it probably had stamped on its head brand new it's still out there it looked and i was standing having a cup of coffee and i said is it new which is a stupid question and they said yes it is it was born three days ago and she had a slight accident so i said where are you from she went from poland and i said are you going back to poland she said no we're here to meet my mother who's come over to see her first grandchild and she's very excited about it she's been on the phone for the last 10 days asking me the weight of the child the size of the child how beautiful the child is what color its eyes and this sounded marvelous so i said to i said when when you go to meet your mother barrier do you mind if i just because i like to observe do you mind if i just stand behind you and look over your shoulder and watch the mother when she sees the baby's face so we did and this large lady is kind of wandering through and i said is that your mother and she said yes that's her so we all waited for this and the mother comes through the barrier and walks over to a daughter and looks at the baby and looks at her daughter and looks over her shoulder and sees me and goes dave [Laughter] [Applause] anyway you you were successful abroad before you ever hit it in britain weren't you you were in australia i went um i did a tour of australia i initially got down to australia originally on the recommendation of sophie tucker who was somebody i'd worked with became very friendly and she recommended to somebody down in australia that i go and work there so i was offered a contract and that's really where i started in a sense it worked very well for me did you explore the outback i've i've seen australia inside out the thing about the australians you know the interesting thing about the strange if you if you're going to if you go to ireland the irish will talk about the writers they'll talk about shaw and wild and casey and bean go to germany they'll talk about the composers mozart beethoven france musicians and dancers australia it's crocodiles sharks stingrays spiders that leap out of the ground they have the most they and they they light in telling you i mean i arrived in sydney two days and they're telling me about because it's about 104 degrees and i think i'm going for a swim they're going where are you going for swim uh you're not a sharks that you could get taken by the sharks and i said i said surely you know they're a sharkness oh yeah but they'll get through the shark net and all right jesus so you i go swimming and i'm i'm like a periscope my head is going around i believe if there's a shark out there he's coming now one of these australians with one of these kind of sadistic sense of humor this friend of mine i'm swimming like this going where's the shark coming from because it's so hot i've got to get into the water he swims underneath me and as i'm swimming like this he takes his fingernail and runs it down my crotch like i'm not joking you i out-did jesus i was on i was in the car drive home but you're not then naturally heroic i would have thought i was um there was a couple of examples when i i was faced with my own cowardice first when i was when i was in sydney first time i was in sydney and i i met a woman and uh i i had a flat down on a beach which was in a double-tier house and we went down there for the weekend and it was all beautiful and i was tanned and sunny a lot younger than i am and there was two blues in the house and i was using the lou upstairs and she tried to get in and i said i'm in here there's one downstairs and there was a central staircase going down the stairs so i hear a go downstairs trip top and then i hear i'm running up and i go right my darling she's in trouble and i leap out pulling up my knickers and i said what's wrong she said there's a funnel web spider down there and i'm like fun so we go down the stairs and there on the door facing the bottom of the stairs right there is the most enormous spider i have seen in my life i am not joking it was as big as my hand and it sat there on the door and i went oh christ what can i do so there's a broom there so i said stand behind me and i get this broom and i think if i wait and i go whack and i'll i'll crush it with the broom and i go whack and i miss it i hit the door about a half an inch be below the spider who turns around and runs down the handle towards me now my heroism i trample over this lady stay slumped in your chair for a moment while i invite some more company to join us here is a lady who has made her name playing formidable immensely dignified characters but who claims one of her favorite parts was doing the voice of one of the chimps and the tea ads and of all her awards the one that means most to her was when she had a rose named after ladies and gentlemen the fragrant penelope keith [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] okay is that the color of the rose that is named after you no it's not i'm um gold well that's nice and a sturdy little grower this of course is not our first time is it no it's not that's why i kissed you um it's sort of interesting isn't it when people come on to these sort of shows and they kiss everybody it's partly to steady the nerds ladies and gentlemen but it's also because i haven't seen you for well i've seen you recently hours and hours and hours but the first time we were together was in 1977 i think when i did ask gospel oh yes yes yes and remember what what clip did we show on that of you the the one that people most enjoyed watching was when it was from the good life when i was playing margot and um i fell over in the mud they do within that yes they love it you're involved with an irishman at the moment aren't you yes i am very much so yeah tell us about him the great oscar wilde um a play called the importance of being earnest um and i'm playing lady bratman it's a great part i have to try and get the music that most people know about it out of my ears it's been on the film of a great film they made with uh damien evans playing lady bracknell so i'm trying not to listen to that in my ears although everyone says to me how are you going to say a handbag yeah there's a handbag isn't it that lioness and how are you going to say it i haven't decided yet michael i really haven't no well is it still it's still as fresh as ever as a player it's a wonderful way there's always a very good reason why people my things go on and on and on it's usually because they're good and it's a there's a very good reason why everyone knows about the handbag scene because it's a brilliantly written scene yes it is we we did a read through on monday and um people still laugh spontaneously we're lucky enough to have michael dennison and darcy gray in it and michael has played he tells me every male part in the play and he now has his eye on lady bracknorth so um i'm looking for any greased steps but of course the lady bracknell apart from the fact that you have to surmount what you think is the great performance the definitive one whether or not it will soon cease to be of course but it's another bossy lady isn't it yeah yes she is i wouldn't say another one but she's a bossy lady certainly yes i mean she gets her own way very intelligent woman that's interesting isn't it because a time when intelligence wasn't a much prized virtue among women i mean ladies then in society had to look pretty and arrange things rather well and things mainly meant dinner parties um but she's quite bright that one and then your latest television performance you are a strong independent woman it's excuse me fascinating that one talks about these women who are intelligent a strong bossy independent if they were men they'd be frank and frightfully nice chaps someone said to me you're outspoken i said no i tell the truth but if you do tell the truth as a woman or if you do speak your mind you're known as outspoken or bossy yes gene price is certainly outspoken as an mp you have to be don't you otherwise you wouldn't get elected um but she's happening and it's very difficult for women in the house of commons there are only 44 of them and there are 650 mps women would get on much better if they were able to have wives and that's a really good sexist remark but um because women do all the other jobs as well this is the whole movement and i sound like a politician now because i've been studying rather a lot of it um for regular hours in the house of commons you can't run a house and a family if you start your work at about 2 30 in the afternoon we'll certainly in the house and maybe go on to four in the morning well it would appear the only people who actually go to house of parliament most of the time are the women doesn't even you look at all those benches they're always empty where are they yes but i want to know that too i looked at rather a lot of um clips and there weren't many women there no men either fall asleep [Music] so the place is deserted one way or the other it is it is yes it won't do no back to your works now the good the good life um and to the manner born are being shown again to very delighted audiences do you do you watch it i i have done yes i have i i certainly watched the good light um i know i watched i watched them both yes i can now look at them fairly dispassionately i couldn't when i just done them having just seen no job for a lady on monday i kept thinking of all the things i probably should have done at the commissions and the omissions but um with good life and man of born there far enough away now for me to be able to see that they really were quite good yes and there were huge audiences in the in those days yes well mannerborn i think it was the last episode of the first series played to 28 million people which is a lot isn't it yes um i didn't i remember the day the figures came out for that i was walking up in in london going to the broadcasting house and i kept thinking what is 28 million i couldn't you know i can conceive of a theater how many people there are there even that's a bit stunning sometimes um but 28 million i reckon was almost every other person playing the formidable characters that you sometimes do i mean i'd rather people see her perhaps them as formidable do they then are they afraid of you when they meet you no no not at all because i have that like dave we're part of the small breed or happy breed of people who actually make people laugh so i have a great bonus with that so they're not frightened of the women that i play they recognize that they can laugh along with them or at them i do have i slightly find it difficult in as much as if i go to parties or i'm occasionally asked to open things that they expect me to be funny and i say no i'm not actually a comedian i'm i'm an actor who interprets the words i mean i have these wonderful lines of wild i mean if i could think of just one of them throughout my life i'd be awfully happy but i'm not actually funny per se and you have the same problem people expect you to be funny yeah it's it's yeah i mean that's that's part and parcel of but they always hit you at the wrong time i mean do people do strange things i was um i was urinating in a public urinal and there's a man standing beside me and you you you've come across it obviously people peg you and you know that they recognize you and you think what is he going to say what is with christ and uh your god but hey valen aren't you yeah yeah and you go yes i mean you're standing there with your dick in your hand uh yeah yeah uh i've seen your shows i yeah and this fellow stood there and he said could i have your autograph i'm standing here right excuse me so he took out the pencil and paper he said can i have it and i said yes hold this just remain in your pews if you would for a moment because we're having a break and after that tom jones [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back welcome back and welcome home from the parched deserts of nevada to the lovely soggy atmosphere of britain the boy from pond to breathe tom jones [Applause] [Music] [Applause] i mentioned the different atmospheres the damper actually suits you doesn't it yes it's better for the voice it's um that's the problem with with working places like las vegas there are more singers there at one given time than than anywhere else in in the world but it's it's the worst atmosphere so you have to create your own with humidifiers and stuff like that you know drink plenty of water have to watch the alcohol yeah so it's damp glasses and all that yeah all that stuff you and dave have been following each other around a bit haven't you yeah i was in uh new zealand recently in thomas on it that's right wellington we played wellington the night before that's right before i did and when when i got there and they said that you know that you were there so we called the hotel but you'd gone out and then i was galivanti then you called me back and i was out so we we missed one another you know so but we agreed to meet here yes but we toured in the early days of 1965 we did a we did a tour together when it's not unusual first came out oh yes i still have a poster actually in my house in los angeles have you ever yeah i'm down with the prices i must have been what's the billing like on that it's interesting actually because um there's me and this dave and the brooks brothers were on there johnny b great a girl called maya lewis who was a welsh little welsh singer and a fella called jerry dorsey oh yeah but i mean jerry dorsey that's that was his name then yeah and he was on the bill you know on the billboards so uh engelbert yes right but he was you know then jelly and you did a special in new york just to tie up the sheriff yeah the last time last time we were together was we did a special for lou grade or lord great now and um it was i think everybody that had worked for him over the years atv television so we did it in the hilton hotel in new york and john lennon julie andrews dave peterson peter sellers yeah and myself um and lord mountbatten was there he gave a speech all the labs then oh it was a you know it was a hell of a lineup and the audience was it was a an invited audience so they were all show business people all actors and actresses and composers and drunk musicians all smashed on the free booze yeah how did it was a great night though how did london behave himself then he well it was amazing actually because um when lord mountbatten sort of uh thanked everybody for for being there the the british entertainers for coming over from britain to new york to do this show john lennon said to me i only live around the corner because he was living in new york so i said how come you live in new york he said i feel safe here wow that's amazing but you know that they uh they reckoned that the young man that shot john was in the that audience that night really yeah they they found a photograph of them in tuxedo and everything else and they they they linked it with the the night for the great agreement and they wondered whether it was where he got the idea or where he you know from from whatever christ what was it like touring with tom what memories do you have of that fairly wild i mean trying to get into the theater was bad enough was worse i'm surrounded by all these yelling females um i'm saying you know who are you oh i'm dave allen oh where's tom and he was a great she was a great night liver i mean great what night liver after the after the show we used to go out clubbing and uh tom was always getting vaguely up into singing and he'd be singing three hours later and then you say tommy you've got a show tomorrow night just in your blood and you can't stop that's right but it was it was a great tour though we had some it was good tours some good laughs yeah in the early days you know talked about the building of course at the rsc penny they don't have billing as such do they when you join them you did what i was a tree and i was the 55th citizen out of 12 in julius caesar but i managed to get the notices because um i say 55th because they had this wonderful great big hole in the stage that was supposed to make it look as though the forum was crowded with people and they were in fact 15 of us and we managed to look like six but for some unknown reason on the first night we'd all rehearsed this rather a lot and that everyone would have a general shout but i don't know everyone else shut up and all you heard was after the famous speech friends friends and countrymen lemiorio's me saying have an ear not quite but similar to that and i got rather a lot of notices from uh bernard levin and ken tynan and so i thought i'd get the sack but i didn't they weren't friendly notices no no they were awful they're awful i think whenever you talk about notices you only ever talk about the unfriendly ones don't you i mean those are the only ones those are the ones i can remember the ones that awful things the ones that stick oh yes because if you walk in and there's one unfriendly face that is the one that's the one you see you always see the person who's asleep yes do you never in one of those night clubs that had little kind of surrounds seats alcoves did they have their backs i've been working there for a long time and i couldn't believe it i heard this i mean there's an extraordinary thing about when when people have orgasms they call on god which is always a strange thing they're all going god god god god having a religious experience what the christ is going on you weren't having one then were you um i don't suppose that uh you penelope or dave had the experience of the time of having knickers thrown into your face on stage in disappointment yes i've never had anything thrown at me i'm awfully upset about i've had flowers thrown at me once but that was all well that's nice that was nice i tell you what we've got tom we've got early evidence of what incites women to do this chucking of draws the young loins circa [Music] 1964 [Music] wow baby a proud moment yeah yes do that make you have the urge to uh loosen your janet riggers sorry i'd never loosen my janet vegas i'm afraid in um for anybody on the stage i'm sure i would if i saw tom in a live concert no i when i was going through that loosening stage i was so devoted to the idea of the theater that i had photos of laurence olivier up all over my bedroom and he's just going to see his plays all the time so i rather missed out on that tom let me ask you about what would make you throw your wire fronts [Laughter] oh you're right i've never thought of it actually why is he like me he's never yeah i've never ever thought of it all this is in the past for you anyway because your image is no different isn't it well it's a little bit different you know the the problem is when um when you when you're doing things over the years some reviews would be the band struck up and tom jones came out dressed in such and such an outfit and and the women were screaming and um he took his jacket off and he took his tie off and he opened his shirt to the waist and everybody had a good time and sometimes they wouldn't mention the voice what what i was doing so um you think my god i hope the the you know the sex thing is not is not um overshadowing my talent and um so you know you don't want to become a caricature of yourself but your looks of course i mean your self-presentation it's important enough for you to have as you've admitted a little plastic surgery here and there yeah i know i had my nose fixed if you that thing from uh 64. that was a good welsh nose that was a yes that was a that was a broken welsh nose so um you know i had that fixed because it was it was busted but do you have a regular sort of checkup in that department not really you know it's the only thing that i've had done is is my nose i mean people have talked about uh bags under my eyes i mean if if they think i've had plastic surgery under my eyes i mean you can see that if a plastic surgeon did this job then he ought to be struggling yeah i mean that's that's that's it but the noise was fixed i must say if i had bangs under my eyes i'd get them fixed dave you've obviously resisted temptation obviously yeah when i go for other things there's other sorts of implants i mean it is extraordinary i mean where science is going i mean i'm terrified now flying because i believe that women who have silicon implants can explode at certain altitudes i mean you don't get hit by landing on a mountain you get killed by a flying tits you know they did a wonderful program on uh quite recently on men's ability to have an erection and there's all sorts of devices i mean there's pumps and i mean you have these things fitted in and say i love you excuse me oh it's got a puncture i mean where'd you begin this whole i mean it's just it's you wouldn't know who they're gonna have it anymore what's what's coming off and what's coming our way penny it's a purely hypothetical question because obviously it would never arise but how far could you imagine going in preserving your own looks distance at all the parts get better as you get older for someone like me i was told when i was at um at drama school because i was tall they didn't imagine tall people were ever young happily now they're catching up and they are getting taller but i was told i would never play any reasonable parts i was 40. i'm happy to say i did and so i feel the older i get and the more bags i get the better the parts get you see that's my shoulder because it's it's interesting how a lot of actors actresses rather say there's nothing between juliet and the nurse either between me being 14 or being a much older woman but in actual fact certainly in the canon of our comedy the parts are wonderful for women as they get old i mean people like lady bracken all to name but five you know they do they are wonderful as they get older tom um i'm not pry into your private life because you have a constant companion chris how long have you had a bodyguard uh well chris has been chris has been with me since um because chris is is a man that's with him he he's um more than a bodyguard but he's been with me since he's not sort of just a heavy you know a minder he does a lot for me he's like a road manager you know he does um but he he is a minder as well you know if if if need be but you have to have somebody with you chris has been with me since 83 before that i had a number of people but you have to have somebody because if you're by yourself you know you you can't be the the baddie if people come up a lot of people and you know you could be in a restaurant having dinner or something and it's not i wouldn't want to be the one to say i can't you know let me eat before i sign an autograph you have to just have somebody there to a buffer yeah exactly now that your new image isn't so very different but you're more i don't know mature responsible and you've got you've got chris and all that do you um you still seem to get into trouble with women yeah well that's um it's funny that's that's the press you know that's the media this happened even a few weeks ago didn't it then yes yes yeah and it's all hearsay you know they they don't um they don't if somebody says something they'll print it if if it's if it's a worthwhile story they'll print it without checking if there's any truth in it so dear wife she puts up with these stories is she she's a stoical girl well it's it's um she couldn't understand it at first you know at the beginning when things would come out and then but after a while when she would be doing interviews herself she was getting misquoted so when things like that happen um she knows there's a lot of lies printed so she that's why she doesn't want to do interviews because she said it's it's all been misconstrued and she's being misquoted so she's um she shied away from it and um she doesn't want to read newspapers because she said look i don't want to get upset over something that uh nine times out of ten is not true eight times out of ten but you know like that so she she she um she questions it if she sees it it's not um like some people who think that she'd say oh well you know whatever that's that's not the case the newspapers love it if you if you write in and say look how dare you print this about me because then they have another story to print so it's it's a it's a touchy situation you don't really know how to deal with it probably i know the fans will never forgive me if i don't ask you to sing so penelope what's it going to be well new record tom yeah i just signed with the chrysalis record so i'm doing an album at the moment so we have a single coming out on the 14th which is called i couldn't say goodbye and i would be very pleased if you would sing it but firstly i will say thank you all for being here so thank you very much tom jones penelope keith dave allen and thanks for your company see you next week and now tom jones the man who couldn't say goodbye

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Id: M3Mht7rfqBg

Length: 33min 5sec (1985 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 16 2020