Welcome to Storyline Online, brought to you by the SAG-AFTRA Foundation. I am Chris O'Dowd and today I'm going to read Arnie the Doughnut, written and illustrated by Laurie Keller. Arnie turned out to be just the kind of doughnut he'd hoped he'd be-- Chocolate-covered with bright-colored candy sprinkles. "Look at all my sprinkles-- there must be a million of them!" "Actually, there are only 135, but I'm not going to spoil it for him." He was made very early in the morning at the Downtown Bakery-- "Home of the Best Doughnuts A-'Round'!" "A-round? Get it?" Arnie was proud to be one of the best. He knew that people all over town made special trips to his bakery to buy doughnuts of their very own. As Arnie sat on the tray, which had just been placed in the doughnut case, he took a moment to reflect on the amazing things that had happened to him that morning. 1. Cut into ring 2. Deep-fried "I'm soaking in boiling grease, but I love it!" 3. Cooled --"Your drink, sir."
--"Thank you!" 4. Iced --"Who's that handsome doughnut?"
--"That's me." 5. Sprinkled Caution: Sprinkle Area
Must wear safety googles 6. Named "Whatever I'm named, I'm going to go by Cool Iced-D." Arnie looked around and saw all sorts of doughnuts sitting nearby. A cinnamon twist, doughnut holes, chocolate zebra, square, powdered, long john, bear claw, various muffins... --"Hey, I'm a muffin."
--"I'm a different kind of muffin." He tried to strike up a conversation with an apple fritter on the next tray over, but she didn't seem to want to talk. "It is rather early. Maybe she's not a morning doughnut," Arnie supposed. It was 6 A.M. and the baker had just hung the OPEN sign in the window. Arnie was fascinated as he watched customers stream into the bakery. One by one, doughnuts were chosen, placed in paper bags, and whisked away with their new owners. Some went by the dozen in giant boxes. "Goodbye!" Arnie yelled to each doughnut.
"Have a great trip!" "This is so exciting! I wonder who will choose me?" Just then, Arnie looked up and saw a man pointing right at him! "Moi?" Before he could say another word, he was pulled from the tray and placed in a paper bag of his very own. "Thank you, Mr. Bing. Have a nice day!"
Arnie heard the baker say to the man. "Mr. Bing... that's a fine name," Arnie decided. "I can hardly wait to meet him!" "Good-bye Arnie!"
"We'll miss you!" "I should have talked to him while I had the chance." The ride to Mr. Bing's apartment was a little bumpy. Arnie was grateful for the soft napkin the baker had so thoughtfully placed underneath him in the bag. He had never ridden in a car and wished he could look out the window to see all the sights. But more than anything, he wished he could meet Mr. Bing. "Why does he keep me in this bag?" Arnie wondered. Finally, the car came to a stop and they were home. Mr. Bing carefully removed Arnie from his paper bag and placed him on a clean, shiny plate. "What a handsome plate," Arnie said to himself. "I'm not crazy about the design-- I prefer a more modern look. But it's nothing a little paint can't fix." Mr. Bing gently lifted Arnie from his new plate. "Isn't that cute?" thought Arnie, as he closed his eyes and smiled. "He wants to hold me." As Arnie relaxed in Mr. Bing's hand, he felt himself moving higher and higher away from his plate. When he opened his eyes to see where he was going, he discovered that he was headed straight for Mr. Bing's open mouth! "What are you doing?" shouted Arnie. Mr. Bing was stunned. He dropped Arnie back onto the plate. "I was going to... eat you," he replied in shock. "Eat me?" Arnie shrieked, his sprinkles flying everywhere. "Why would you do a thing like that? Do you make a habit of eating all your houseguests?" "No... of course not." "So, why then did it suddenly occur to you to eat me?" Arnie demanded. "Well... because... you're a doughnut. That's what doughnuts are for-- to eat." "Do you mean to tell me you've done this before?" "Yes... I eat a doughnut every day," Mr. Bing said sheepishly. Arnie froze. He felt sick and frightened "I'd better get out of here before he tries to eat me again!" and angry! "My friends have probably all been eaten!" He thought to himself for a moment. "I must put a stop to this right away! I'll call the bakery and warn the others. Whoever's left, that is!" Arnie knew that there was no time to waste and that he needed to be very sneaky in order to keep his plan from Mr. Bing. He turned to Mr. Bing and said in his sweetest voice, "Excuse me, sir, but I don't believe we've been properly introduced. My name is Arnie." "Um... hello... Arnie," Mr. Bing stammered. "I'm Mr. Bing. It's nice to eat you-- I mean meet you." "Mr. Bing, would you be a dear and allow me to use your telephone?" Arnie asked extra politely. "Oh... well, okay," said Mr. Bing, and he handed Arnie the phone. As quickly as he could, Arnie dialed the number of the bakery. "Downtown Bakery, home of the best--" "Mr. Baker Man!" Arnie frantically whispered. "This is Arnie the doughnut. Do you remember me? You made me at 5:15 this morning, and I was bought about twenty minutes ago by a man who goes by the name of Mr. Bing." "Yes, Arnie," the baker answered. "What can I do for you?" "Now, I don't want to alarm you, but just moments ago, that man tried to eat me! And not only that-- he claims to have eaten hundreds of us! I'm going to make a run for it, but I wanted to warn you so that if you see him coming into the bakery again, you can stop him!" "Oh my, Arnie-- I thought you understood. That's why I make doughnuts... for people to eat." "I can't believe it!" Arnie gasped. "Are the other doughnuts aware of this arrangement?" "Well, I think so," the baker said. "Let me ask them to make sure." The baker yelled to the other doughnuts, "Do you doughnuts know that you're going to be eaten?" "Yes, we know!" the doughnuts shouted back.
"We're delicious! I don't blame them." "Did you hear that, Arnie?" the baker asked. Arnie was crushed. The phone dropped from his hand. He'd heard all he needed to hear. Arnie forgot all about his plan to escape. He collapsed back onto the plate, glanced up at Mr. Bing, and muttered, "All right then, let's get this over with. Go ahead and eat me." Mr. Bing gazed down at Arnie. "I'm not going to eat you, Arnie," he said reassuringly. "I just wouldn't feel right about it now." "Really?" Arnie said, with a huge sigh of relief. "Well, I'm glad to see that you've come to your senses!" "But since I'm not going to eat you," Mr. Bing continued, "I'll have to figure out something else to do with you. I paid good money for you-- I don't want to be wasteful." "Of course not!" Arnie agreed. "What we need to do is each make a list of things I can do with you instead of eating you. Between the two of us, I know we'll come up with something." "Good plan, Mr. Bing!" Arnie said. "This will be a breeze-- I bet I'm good at lots of stuff!" They both feverishly wrote down their ideas. When they were finished, Mr. Bing asked, "Would you like to read yours first?" "Sure thing, Mr. Bing!" Arnie answered. Things Mr. Bing can Do with Me Instead of Eating Me "Do you need a ballroom dance partner?" "No, I don't dance." "You could use a personal fitness trainer." "Hmm, I'd get too sweaty." "How about a portrait painter?" "Oh, heavens no!" "Would you like me to entertain you at parties?" "Doughnut make my brown eyes bluuue..." "I don't like throwing parties." "I could be your chauffeur." "But you can't see over the steering wheel." "I'd make a great bodyguard!" "Who could you protect me from-- a cookie?" "All righty, Mr. Bing. Let's hear what you came up with!" "Okey-dokey," he replied. "I just know you'll like some of these." Things I Can Do with Arnie Instead of Eating Him "I could use you as a pincushion." "Ooh, too painful!" "How about an air freshener for my car?" "How about not?" "Would you like to be a picture frame?" "I can't imagine so." "I need a new bowling ball." "Well, don't look at me!" "You'd make a fine paperweight." "Boring!" "What about a doorstop?" "Try again." But there was nothing else on Mr. Bing's list. They were both completely out of ideas. Arnie and Mr. Bing were exhausted. They felt terribly disappointed. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Mr. Bing finally spoke. "I'm sorry, Arnie-- but it's clear that we can't agree on anything for you to do around here. This is difficult for me to say, but I think it would be best if you found another home." "I know," said Arnie, fighting back tears. "I'll just be on my way then. Is it all right if I keep this napkin to pack up all my loose sprinkles?" "Of course," Mr. Bing replied sadly. "As soon as I get a job, I'll pay you back the money you spent on me." "That's not necessary, Arnie." Arnie shook Mr. Bing's hand and thanked him for his kindness. Mr. Bing opened the door, and as Arnie left he paused and said, "I guess doughnuts really are only good for eating, aren't they?" They both waved good-bye and Arnie was gone. Mr. Bing stood at the window and watched as Arnie walked away. He walked past the flower beds, the mailboxes, and the apartment manager's office. "Is there anything worse than a sad pastry?" He passed the tennis court, the swimming pool, and the clubhouse. --"Oh my gosh, is that a doughnut?" But when Arnie reached the "No Dogs Allowed" sign at the end of the driveway, Mr. Bing suddenly came up with a new idea. "Arnie! Wait up! Arnie!" yelled Mr. Bing as he ran after him. Arnie turned back and stopped. When Mr. Bing caught up with him, he was out of breath. "I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier!" Mr. Bing panted. "Arnie, I've always wanted a dog-- "Keep talkin', big guy." "--and could never have one because they're not allowed here. But there's no sign that says "No Doughnuts Allowed." Arnie perked up when he realized what Mr. Bing was thinking. "Would you like to take walks and play fetch?" Mr. Bing asked excitedly. "You bet I would!" "Can you do tricks, like rolling over?" "Rolling over? Look at me-- I was made for rolling over!" "Well, then, there's only one thing left to ask. Arnie, will you be my doughnut-dog?" "Oh, Mr. Bing-- I would love to be your doughnut-dog!" From that moment on, Arnie and Mr. Bing were inseparable. Arnie liked being a doughnut-dog even better than he liked being a doughnut! "Arf! Arf! Arf!" He went through a short phase of chewing on furniture and barking at the mailmain, but after a crash course in obedience school, he graduated first in his class. Everywhere the two of them went, people would stop to pet Arnie. No one had ever seen a doughnut-dog before. --"Oh, what a darling man."
--"What a darling dog!" Arnie and Mr. Bing had so much fun together. Arnie was the best pet Mr. Bing could ever have hoped for-- and Mr. Bing was Arnie's best friend. The end. I chose this book because it illustrates that two people who come from very different backgrounds, the eater and the eat-ee-- -- can come together and compromise. And decide that together, eating doesn't need to take place at all, they can just be friends. Sometimes, you're the eater. Sometimes, you're the eaten. Thank you for watching Storyline Online. Hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to check out some of our other terrific stories. Keep reading, keep watching, keep eating.
