- Hey everybody, happy Monday. Today we're going to talk about
the highly sensitive person what does that mean, and how could we better manage the symptoms, but before we get into that I know we have a lot of new people here. Welcome! If you have a question or concern and you're wondering if
I've talked about it before, chances are I have. So just hop into the
search bar on YouTube, put in my name, Kati Morton, and some keywords for your search, like depression, stress,
relationships, whatever. I have over 1200 videos, so chances are it'll be there. Now let's get into this topic. And you all have been asking me about this for a long, long time. And of course, I was listening, it just took me a while to read up on it and seek to understand it. And I read this book, see it? By Elaine N. Aron, I think I'm saying her name right, and a few research papers that I'll link in the description so that if you want to really dig into this more
on your own, you can. And as we go forward, I will say HSP instead of highly sensitive person, okay? Cool? There are many online tests you can take to find out if you are an HSP or not, and I'm sure many of these
are helpful and accurate. However, there isn't a tried and true test or assessment that mental
health professionals use. So I just wanted to throw that out there so you know that even if
you've taken a test online it doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate. We don't really have a way to test if someone is an HSP or not. And also, after reading about the HSP, I realized how negatively
we view the word sensitive, when it can actually be a very
positive and helpful quality, so just pay attention to
how you view that word and how you use it in your life, and if using the term
highly sensitive person is bothersome to you, feel free to make it your own. You could call it a highly
intuitive person, maybe. Whatever works for you. Oh, and also know that HSP is not the same as sensory processing disorder. Some scientists call HSP
sensory processing sensitivity, but know that sensory overload
is merely one component of HSP, and I have a video on sensory processing disorder as well if you wanna check that out. Now, since it can be hard to pin down what causes someone to be an HSP, let's get into some of the traits and that way you can assess on your own whether or not you feel it fits you. Remember, we know our own
experience and symptoms best, but we should also see a
mental healthcare professional to ensure we get proper care or treatment, and since HSP could be what's going on or it could be something
completely different. HSPs usually had a
childhood where we were told we were too sensitive. That we were acting like a crybaby, or feeling like we always
ruined outings for others. We may have even struggled to sleep, had difficulties dealing
with any kind of change, and possibly internalized all of this and believe that we did
something wrong to cause it, or something was inherently wrong with us. Since Elaine N. Aron, the
woman who wrote the book, seems to be the queen of HSP education, and much of the research that
is cited in other articles and books is her research, I'm going to share the
acronym that she created to help other therapists and
mental health professionals better assess for an HSP. And that acronym is DOES. D-O-E-S. Now, D stands for depth of processing. And the way this is
described is that we tend to think things through more thoroughly, possibly considering all the options, considering our thoughts about it, how it could affect
someone else in our lives, and we could also love looking
into things more deeply, meaning we like to seek out information, or even just give ourselves a lot of time to think about life. How we feel about it, what's going on, and we really relish in that time. I'm one of those people. And that's part of the reason
why we enjoy our alone time. Like a lot. And I remember as a kid, my
mom used to send me to my room when I was bad, like if
I was getting in trouble she'd be like, "Go to your room!" but she stopped after a few tries because I loved being in my room alone, and I almost preferred it
to being out in the house or outside playing with my brother, so she started making me do time outs where I had to sit in the kitchen with her and not do anything, which is just kind of a funny memory. Next, let's move on to O. And it stands for overstimulation. And I found that most
blogs, studies, and comments focused a lot of their
attention on this trait, and I do think it's one of the more externally noticeable
traits, but remember, it's not just this. It's merely one portion of it. I'm not sure why that
really bothered me so much, but I think it had to do with the fact that a lot of examples focused on this, and how much it overlapped
with shyness, introversion, and sensory processing disorder, when I believe that HSP is very different, and research shows us that many HSPs are also extroverts,
and extremely outgoing. Anyways, sorry for that rant, but overstimulation is very common for HSP because if we are deeply
processing everything, taking in small details,
and trying to focus on everything going on, the
noise, the lights, the people, if we're taking in all that information, it's no wonder we get overstimulated, and we need lots of downtime and avoid intense things like loud noises, lots of people, bright flashing lights, or strong smells, or even rough fabrics. Just to think of our five senses, and know that we can be
overstimulated by any of them, so it really makes sense why
this is a component of HSP, but again, it's just one part. Next up is E, for emotional
reactivity and empathy. Now, HSPs can often
read the vibe of a room, or how someone is feeling. This is kind of like being an empath, although, like everything, every HSP is going to experience this differently, so don't assume that being an HSP means you are also an
empath, unless it matches with your experience. And this is something that
I struggle with personally. If I don't uphold proper
boundaries and check in on myself I can take on other people's moods. I can sense it right away, and I'll do my best to
make them feel better, do everything I can, as
if I have that much power, I don't, but HSPs also hate conflict. And I can just imagine how
this emotional connection and high sensitivity could
lead us to being super tired like all the time, right? So notice if you find yourself reading other people's moods, feeling, and taking on, how
someone else is feeling. And we tend to not only
recognize how someone is feeling, but can often feel it
like it's happening to us. And also notice if you're
well-versed at explaining emotions and how they feel for you. It might be super, super easy for you, because those could all be indications of this particular trait. And the final trait is S, and it stands for sensing the subtle. And this could be noticing
small facial expressions that someone makes, or slight changes to your favorite dish,
we notice more than most, and can usually use this information to help ourselves or others. I mean, think about it. If we notice that someone is
distressed before other people we can check in on them and offer support. We can also notice when
someone needs space, or is upset, and adjust accordingly. I honestly believe this is helpful, because we can more
easily read situations, and even our own needs,
and do something about it more quickly than others. And as I was reading about this, I couldn't help but
think that all the traits work in two ways, one being that they can
cause us to be overwhelmed and need alone time, but many of them also
help us protect ourselves and know when we need to take a break. Which is what I loved about Elaine's book. She tells you about a trait or an issue and also spends time talking
about the positive side of it and how it can really be a gift. I loved it. Okay, now let's get into some tips on how we can better manage it if we are an HSP, because
I've heard from many of you that it can feel overwhelming,
and we're not sure how to deal with it, and
sometimes, even though I believe a lot of it's a gift, it
can feel like a burden, and so my first tip is to figure out what triggers or bothers you most. Like I said, everyone is different, so paying attention to what
you find most bothersome, maybe it's a sound, or
loud noises in general, or maybe it's uncomfortable
clothing, or strong smells, or maybe it's all of the above, but the more we know
about this, the better. Because then we can find ways to avoid the upsetting stimuli. We could wear only soft clothes, stick to a schedule or
routine, plan breaks, only go to places that
we know aren't too loud. There could be a lot of
things that we could do to avoid them, so take
some time and notice what triggers you most. And my second tip, and I
know I talk about this a lot, but be kind to yourself in how you speak to yourself about this. Is your self-talk invalidating? Or is it supportive? Do you blame yourself
for other people's upset? Do you try to ignore how you feel, or tell yourself to toughen up? You know, pay attention
to this, because this is especially important if we
are a highly sensitive person. While the outside world
could be overwhelming and upsetting at times, our inside world is the one that we actually can control. So make it a happy and
healthy place for you. Maybe come up with one positive
thing about being an HSP that you thought of while
watching this video. That could be a great place to start. My third tip journal. Since many of us enjoy
pondering life's wonders, and why we are the way we are and really digging into how we feel, make time to get that out onto paper or onto your laptop, whatever you prefer. So that it doesn't feel stuck in your head or clouding your ability
to do other things. Since we know we can notice details and more deeply process things, journaling can help us do just that, and not get so bogged down with it all as it can build up, day
after day, week after week, it can start to feel really overwhelming, and getting it out can be
really, really helpful. And my fourth tip, reparent if needed. Now, Elaine talks a lot about this, and I am actually working
on a video about this. It's unrelated to this topic, actually. I didn't even know that
these two would be connected until I really started researching it. So stay tuned for that. But just know that regardless
of whether our parents were absent, or overly anxious, we'll need to work on it. And we all need a secure
attachment to our caregivers, and more than half of us didn't get it. But there are ways that we can heal now. We can begin connecting a child-aged us. Through writing letters, or back and forth through journaling. And then we can figure
out whether we needed more present parenting,
maybe more soothing, more touching, or stuff like that. Or, if we wanted less activity, maybe our parents shouted at us too much, or really, really strict, almost like helicopter parents. Then, we can make time for what we needed, and give that to ourselves now. It could be things like alone time. Long walks outside, or even spending quality
time with one close friend. There is so much that
goes into reparenting, and like I said, I'm working
on an entire video about it, but my hope is this just gets you started in thinking about it, because we do have all that we need now, we just have to figure
out what those needs are so that we can work to
give them to ourselves. And my fifth and final tip is to make time for your emotions. It's okay to cry, to throw a fit, and just be however you need to be. So make sure you're giving
yourself the time to feel it. Acknowledge it, and most importantly, validate it. All feelings are warranted and okay. The problems we face
aren't due to our emotions, it's actually due to our judgment of them. It's like a wave. If we let ourselves feel
it, we know what it is, and we're okay with it. We breathe, and we let
it roll right through, but if we fight back against it, like if you tried to ever surf, and you've tried to swim through the waves against the waves, you
can get caught up in them. It can pull us under and spit us out onto the sand, and leave us feeling worse. And so I just like that analogy, because it's like almost tangible to me, that that's how feelings are. If we just let them ride on through, we're okay with it, we
breathe, we acknowledge it. It'll feel a lot better. And just to be transparent, I did take the HSP quiz
that Elaine offers, and I scored a 14. And if you score over 12, Elaine states that you are most likely an HSP, but as I personally read
through all the traits, there are only a couple
that I feel affect me. I do process things deeply,
and I sense subtleties, but I don't mind loud restaurants, or being around people. But I do need time to recharge after a full day of socializing, so I don't know, who knows? But I also just want to let you know that you are wonderful
the way that you are. No one person is like another. So pay attention to your urge to compare, and I would encourage you to
celebrate your sensitivity, and see it for what it is, an amazing gift. Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you next time. Bye! (relaxing jazz music)
