Antifragile Mothering / Rachel Jankovic / Grace Agenda 2019

Thank You Donna then thank you all for coming and good morning I do doubt I did have one extra announcement which is you may see these name badges around this week with the flowers on them those are moderators in the Bible reading challenge in Facebook so any of you from out of town who only know us maybe loosely and the Facebook group can recognize that and these pins that are out there are for any of you who are in the Bible reading challenge already or want to be we don't care we're not uptight just get a pen that's how it is all right so my topic today anti fragile mothering what an interesting talk title a somewhat crazy man named Nassim Taleb has written a number of disruptive books one of which contributed part of the title for this talk now lest you assume that I have read the book anti fragile let me assure you that I have not I have not yet done that my husband has I have heard many things about it I do however understand his thesis in the word he coined for the title the basic concept of his book is urging us all to become anti fragile to build systems that are anti fragile and at the very least to understand certain properties and categories by which to see the world he wants to provide a fuller understanding of risk and security fragility and stress he draws much from the world of investment since he is a financial trader who just happens to dabble in Roman philosophers by all accounts he is as pompous as the day is long this book receiving some scathing reviews a special exhibit of pride being offended by pride in others nessam despises the pride of academics and oh my goodness how they despise him the New York Times review of this book starts this way a reader could easily run out of adjectives to describe Nassim Nicholas to Lebs new book anti fragile things that gain from disorder the first ones that come to mind are maddening bold repetitious judgmental intemperate a rude ight reductive shrewd self-indulgent self congratulatory provocative pompous penetrating perspicacious and pretentious they loved it didn't they they just thought that was great The Guardian Review might be my favorite book review of all time because it had this subtitle the author of the Black Swan has now written a baggie dispiriting antisocial mess of a book I love that so the fact that he is a crazy wild card in the world of business and philosophy books writing baggy and dispiriting tomes may explain why I have not yet jumped into this book but it does not explain why I titled to talk after it and there are three it's because there's so many things in what he describes that apply to all of human life there are three basic categories of things which he lays out the first is fragile and I think we all know what that means it means that stress of some kind will break it when you have a crystal base in a box we mark it fragile meaning handle this carefully don't throw it down the stairs and don't put it into especially difficult situations there are fragile markets fragile families fredle fragile jobs fragile countries really fragile everything the second category is those things which he calls robust robust things do not break easily they get in stressful situations and they don't break you don't need to mark a box of tennis balls fragile because they are made to be thrown around and hit hard and they won't break when you do that to them there are robust families and robust markets and robust ideas and robust to individuals and robust cars it's just a general life category robustness and the third category is the one we're all here to talk about which is anti fragile talib coined this word in an effort to describe the thing he is all about and that is it is the things which actually gain through stress and disorder the things that instead of just not breaking they actually improve in those conditions it's the opposite of fragile because robust is not the opposite because it just doesn't break the opposite is to change in a positive direction to have stress stress and chaos and disorder actually improve the thing itself so obviously I thought this is the perfect word to put right in front of mothering Oh to be a mother who would exponentially grow and improve and stress and disorder and a little bit of chaos just to harness that power well doesn't that seem like a great idea I think it would be hard to mother and not know about added stress and chaos and disorder in your life it's just it's just a lot new variables there's a lot of possibilities when you when you bring children into the mix till abuses examples that are familiar to us the human body being one when you exercise your muscles all tear a little bit the tear because then they recuperate and come back stronger they prepare for the thing that is coming next they recover by improving bone density is improved by lifting weights it doesn't just not break your bones to lift heavy weights it strengthens them it actually improves them lying still for a week is not good for the human body right if you could just hold still for a week things would not improve we are improved by the adversity of needing to walk around and fight gravity your body is actually doing that all the time and it's good for you we need push back in order to thrive and this is simply the way that it is you can see how this is only in some ways true though because poking yourself in the eye does not give you better vision stubbing your toes frequently is not the path to better toe health antifragility is sometimes a feature of living things but it is not universally the case across living systems some things are anti fragile and some are not your muscles are anti fragile within reason but your fingernails are not if human beings were completely fragile by Nature then those of us who exercise the most would be the weakest torn muscles that never turned into strength you would have no advantage right but that's not the way it is the idea behind telepathy about all of this so that we might build anti fragile systems and lives and businesses and investments and personality traits when we find ways to thrive in risky chaotic situations we have made risk no longer risky but rather the safe bet chaos stress trouble surprise are all just Givens in life we know the world is not predictable when you can thrive in those situations you have made that chaotic world that we know to be the way it is the safe world what I think is so fascinating about this whole topic is that tell em to have found some threads that he is picking up from the frayed edges of the gospel he has found truth narratives that have their origin in the Creator God and in the story of our salvation and he's trying to make a big theory about it his big theory just straight-up ticks the world off a baggy antisocial message that no one likes which seems to please him because he assumes it makes him stronger I'm pretty sure he's out antagonizing people just for exercise we all know something of the anti fragility of the human body from experience but those of us who know God might think of other examples we should think of other examples what of gold and silver being refined what about iron sharpening iron or a faithful friend wounding what about a father disciplining those he loves the means that our God uses to grow us exponentially are simply not predictable to the world they aren't but they should be predictable and recognizable to a Christian zechariah 39 I will bring the one-third through the fire will refine them as silver is refined and test them as gold is tested they will call on my name and I will answer them I will say this is my people and each one will say the Lord is my god isaiah 40:8 10 behold I have refined you but not as silver I have tested you in the furnace of affliction Malachi 3:1 but who can endure the day of his coming and who can stand when he appears for he is like a refiners fire and like a fuller soap he will sit as a and purifier of silver and he will purify the sons of Levi and refined them like gold and silver and they will bring offerings and righteousness to the Lord proverbs 17 3 the refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold but the Lord tests the hearts first Peter 1:7 that the genuineness of your faith being much more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire may be found to praise honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ psalm 66 10 for you O God have tested us you have refined us a silver is refined this is a theme of how God thinks of his people right over and over and over God's people will be refined in not particularly gentle ways right into the fire seems to be what the Lord says over and over and worldly encouragement cannot accommodate this reality if you aren't in Christ any resistance to how you have been doing how you're performing how you feel about your job is just like a mean poke in the eyeball with nothing at all like a good workout you can be refined in some ways of course learning skills and self improving but there is no way without God to handle the reality of sin there is no way to process sorrow or trial being used actually not just something you'll survive if you are lucky robust but sorrow and trial and difficulty actually coming back far more glorious right that's not a category for the world well talev is trying to make it one but it but genuinely people don't understand it they think that can't happen the assumption is that the goal is to stay out of pain and painful situations and difficulty because people cannot imagine a world where pain can mean something good they cannot imagine our world let's say that you're having a difficult time maybe you have a number of little kids and that you are at the end of your capacity I've never been in this position so going to imagine it for those of you who have been there you're looking what appears to be the bottomless pit of needs and a completely empty tank as far as caring goes you know you think remember seeing a tank top that really spoke to my heart once it said in memory of what I used to care it's like I remember that and remember the days when I used to think I could do something neat you're looking at the dishes at the laundry at the noses at the sticky floor at the work that feels endless and the children whose attitudes are mimicking yours it's always the cherry on top things are just not looking good it's not going well well if you take that struggle to the world looking for encouragement and comfort what can they tell you they can tell you that they are sorry you made such poor life choices right and one of the things my husband will tell me sometimes which always turns it around for me is when he says yeah this this is why people thinks of a having having seven children is something you shouldn't do you know like this is what we signed up for like this is why everyone else says you're crazy to do this which among we're not crazy no never mind this is why people don't have children you should have avoided this risk sorry you didn't get the memo in time they can tell you that you need to leave all this struggle and mess you need to follow your heart in your dreams to some other kind of a place they can tell you to demand that your husband do more housework and that you are really deserving of much more rest or at least wine or yoga or something they can tell you that you are amazing and that you shouldn't feel bad about anything don't feel bad about anything no matter what you've been doing what they cannot tell you because they do not believe it and they do not understand it is that you are being refined this is difficult and that is good this is hard this is revealing both your own sin and God's intention to rid you of it right this is not easy and it was never supposed to be easy you are growing they cannot tell to not lose hope that God is working in and through you something exponentially more glorious than what you can see today they cannot encourage you that this is the means he has ordained to make you into something better to build his kingdom and to manifest his glory here in your life the glory of our faith is Jesus Christ the glory of our faith is that the only Son of God was born to a woman he was humbled he struggled he suffered and then he died he died for us he died on a cross although he despised the shame he died as a man think about that God his son died as a man he died innocent and yet he died with the weight of all our guilt on his shoulders he died with all of God's wrath on him he became sin for us he became shame for us and then what happened you know the story he conquered all of that and he came back from the dead as a victor colossians 2:14 says this having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us which which was contrary to us and he has taken it out of the way having nailed it to the cross having disarmed principalities and powers he made a public spectacle of them triumphing of triumphing over them in it I love that like the principalities and powers having done all those things having been humbled and shamed and received the whole wrath of God is how he conquered all the principalities and powers right he conquered everything by doing that first Peter 3:21 says through the resurrection of Jesus Christ who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God angels and authorities and powers having been made subject to him in that moment that's that is how he went there this is what he did for the glory this is what he accomplished Christ was made guilty for the sake of righteousness he became for the sake of glory he was made dishonor for the sake of victory over the principalities and powers and he is at the right hand of God the Father now reigning over everything he reigns there now over your busy and blindingly tired day with the children this God your king is raining today over your fears and your tasks and your problems he is reigning and he has already conquered and he is currently completely in charge and how do you think our God gets things done by the means of fire and for the sake of glory right this is how he does it this is what he's doing in your life right now fire of some kind for glory of his making the Passion of Christ in his resurrection from the dead is the archetype of antifragility it is the thing that talib trying to pick up the the shadows and the memories of what was accomplished by Christ he's finding those themes in creation and trying to somehow I think if we could take advantage of this the Christians in China right now are being anti fragile in the face of persecution because Christ is anti fragile and they are part of his bride they cannot help being anti fragile though they are beaten and robbed and abused they will be glorified right they will be there is nothing that can stop that from happening those who are persecuting the church now would not be doing this if they had any idea what God will accomplish through it just like they would not have crucified the Lord of glory if they had only known what it would accomplish first Peter 5:10 and after you have suffered a little while the God of all Grace who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ will himself restore confirm strengthen and establish you he will do that himself this God this King this Savior will himself restore confirm strengthen and establish you so why I asked you are we acting like this is a job opening in our lives looking for someone to restore us looking for someone to strengthen us looking like we just need someone to help establish us we could just get established and encouraged and strengthened why why why would we ever want to go ask someone else how to deal with our tiredness with our broken feelings with our hopelessness with our despair with our fatigue with the kids attitudes with our lack of desire to keep working on it when you were bought and paid for with the blood of the Lamb who is now reigning over heaven and earth why would you go look to like I don't know a Pilates instructor who looks pretty together to give you life advice what's that about any random life coach with the internet and access to stupid memes please tell me more like tell me more about how amazing I actually am we do this when we think that we are fragile people right we look at our damages and we imagine our potential damages in this wild world and we start looking for padding and packing and we want people to fill our boxes up with packing peanuts to keep us safe from chaotic shifts and hardship and struggle right just give me some little things to keep me safe we do it when we forget who our God is and we forget what that means about who we are it cannot be helped you will be glorified this will be glorified in Christ we do this when we are simply struggling with unbelief we when we don't believe that our God is who he says he is and that he is doing with us what he says he is doing with us the world is full of fragile people but if you are in Christ you are necessarily not one of them as I say to my little boys often whose name is on your head to whom women to whom do you belong right whose name is on your head what has any Pinterest board or Instagram account ever done to earn your trust what do they know about you about your life and your reasons for your struggles or about the actual purpose in any of it the long-term reason for this they simply do not for all they know you are actually a creepy stalker of young girls you could be a murderer and they are all here to tell you that you are worthy as you are and you should really eliminate toxic people from your life you should do that right they know nothing about you and so they cannot possibly be speaking the truth about you I recently saw an ad you've probably all seen this also for a wellness and self-care texting service and I may have gone down that rabbit hole I don't know why why did I feel compelled this is their quote a daily self compassion coach in your pocket learn how to talk to yourself like a friend and feel more in control of your thoughts feelings and actions 95% of members say that shine helps them feel more resilient I read their guidelines for writers they want fresh novel positive encouraging different modern deep words just no calls for action just sort of they said something like know how you could be better and more you are already worthy they want us to be raw and tell people that they're already enough but why is there this need for thousands more words of all the same stuff to shoot into people's pockets daily because it is not holding up right they need more packing peanuts give me more packing peanuts everyday I want to wake up to my cell phone dinging with little additional padding from the reality of my own sin and this problem right I just want to hear some things there is a video on the internet the kind of video that the internet was made for someone giving a raccoon cotton-candy I hope you've seen it if you know cotton candy I mean if you know raccoons they wash everything before they eat it so what it does is these funny little black paws with a little pink cotton candy and then he sticks it in a puddle and it's just gone and it's just these hilarious little black paws like frantically feeling around the puddle for where did my cotton candy go where did it go and in so he's is but it's very funny and it's exactly what we're doing with this kind of junk 'us right we're saying feed me more stuff and then as soon as it hits our real life in any kind of resistance it's just gone right it's not there I don't feel better anymore what did you do I have nothing where'd it go frantic little black hands in the puddle it's in there somewhere wasn't it all pink and fluffy I felt it was gonna be great but I'll tell you what that raccoon needs he needs to shine up cotton candy delivered moment by moment you won't notice that this doesn't last so long as we just keep putting more of it into your hands you all probably already know how I feel about reading the Bible you probably already have heard me get all whipped up on this subject but I suppose that that will not keep me from doing it again daily self compassion in your pocket in a cell phone that runs out of battery power why would you need that is your pocket better than your heart is that anonymous fake encourage or better than the ruler of the universe is it text in the morning to set the tone for the day going to be anything more than a packing peanut between you and what God has ordained for you to walk in don't you oh I don't know maybe have access to something better something realer something true something that stands up to the puddle of your real life and instead makes your trials and hardships the things that cannot endure right don't you have access to that already Hebrews 4:12 for the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword piercing even to the dividing asunder of of soul and spirit and of the joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart your God knows you and he gave you a word to change you but the next verse which is not as often quoted neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight but all things are naked and open unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do the one with whom we have to do the one whose name is on your head seeing then that we have a great high priest that is passed into the heavens Jesus the Son of God let us hold fast our profession for we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities but was in all points tempted like as we are yet without sin let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in the time of need what is a time of need it's a time when in the flesh we are fragile it is a time when our spirit is weak when our circumstances are challenging and our comfort is gone it is a time when we need to not be walking in natural life but in new life not in the flesh which is fragile but in the spirit which makes us anti fragile we need to embrace not some kind of self-help robustness or stoicism but a full-on anti fragile gospel courage we know our God we know his ways we trust him we need to be walking in the confidence of the Resurrection because you guys we actually believe that that happened right we don't just say it on Sunday we believe that Jesus died and he came back and he's at the right hand of God the Father after incidentally stopping in Hades to preach to all the principalities and powers who were being bad in the time of the flood that they had lost right stopping by to tell them all it's over it's done but how can any of this apply to the topic specifically of mothering I guess my question is how can it not how can this not be in your everyday life as a Christian and as a Christian woman first of all a big place that we do really need to apply this the world is in a constant fuss about how women are too fragile for motherhood they won't say it like that but it is what they think right you are too fragile for this have we not all been told about the horrors that will befall women if they get pregnant when they did not mean to right we've been told right we've heard that then we were told about all of the dangers and the things that might break us you will lose your figure lose your body it will change your relationship with your husband it will give you new worries and hormonal problems you will probably struggle with depression and alienation from all of your friends who are still single and living the good life right your work will suffer people that will be rude about breastfeeding you will need to join online organizations to fight their rudeness about it everyone will judge you for everything you can't handle it right you will get into this horrible world where everyone's mean to you and you can't be who you want to be most of the time you won't be able to sleep and you will be totally ruined by mom guilt which is something extra and special that we made up just to haunt you oh no look the world says something that might hurt you is in there right so you're too fragile for that don't go there you'll break if you really must do it for some weird reason let us make you a million packing peanuts of Lies and try to keep you safe but you know what the Christian response is to that of course there is stuff in there that might hurt bring it on right take your packing peanuts from hell and let me hold fast to my profession let me walk with the guy who watched through it all on my behalf and let me become more like him let it hurt let it destroy and tear down let it disrupt in trouble and stretch me and try me like nothing else would have done because you know what that's the whole point and I just love the glory I love the exponential growth I love resurrection life I love life abundant I love my children who will learn from me what the Christian life looks like what we're doing who we are whose name is on our head and I love my king and his glory and I intend to be a good soldier for Jesus and by the power of the Spirit who dwells in me I will be one I am a Christian and so I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord intends to glorify me in himself and that he who has begun that good work will see it completed no matter if I expected my life to look like this or not it doesn't matter it's what he expected my life to look like my ideas are not his ideas and his ideas are better I know that the work that God has called me to do is the perfect work for me to be doing and that he is using me to build his kingdom and I know that whatever I do in his name here will be raised and glorified in him I simply cannot lose we also have many many peers who are not holding fast their profession right the world says all of these things and the temptation for a Christian is that there is always an easy excuse right everyone believes you remember at one point in my life when the twins were babies so I had infant twins and then a one-year-old and a two-year-old three-year-old just three three one babies and I realized that I could say anything and no one will argue with you you know if you say like it's so hard everyone would be like I'm sure it's really really hard you know like and you realize that I this big out I had to I had to consciously cut that out like this was an escape route I could take all the time if I wanted to and all of us have that with what the world is offering us all the time so you want to feel fussy about how your friend did a great birthday party for her kid and it made you feel bad about the birthday party that wasn't as good that you did for York you can blog about that and get everyone to get on board with your big fuss and feel sorry for you and recommend Instagram pages of things to follow and stuff to get get all on the cause of trub of excuses and things instead of just enduring the kinds of things that we need to endure to be refined to lean on God and to end to confess our sins and to pursue him in spite of the difficulties in spite of the obstacles we live in a world that's trying to remove the difficulties from what we have to do and it can't be removed you can't make it easy for gold to be refined in a furnace if you're the gold you know it's gonna feel like something happening in there but we have many peers who are not holding fast their profession and it is our own hearts tendency many women spend all of their parenting energy and time trying to remove the risks trying to remove daily struggles and things that could make us cling to God right how can i how can I make it so that my kids are not annoying or frustrating what should I do about that how can I do that like I cuz I need to change this because I'm not going to be able to live through another annoying episode with children I we want to fix it so that we don't have to be refined instead of realizing that this is God's means to refine us and refine them and change the world through all of this we want guaranteed results in some kind of perfect plug and chug so that you will never struggle kind of method we want to take away all the abrasive problems of living with a bunch of people because it feels like it will break us I have seven children and things can occasionally get pretty realistic at our house I love a good system to streamline disorder and chaos but I also know all too well the temptation of looking for a system when what you need is faith right you to hold fast your profession because this is not actually about the snow clothes right this is something else does this more spiritual level from that word that we're dealing with raising children is not and was never meant to be an easy breezy task just isn't raising children in the faith will require courage you will have to show them what it is to be broken for glory his strength is made perfect in our weakness which is why Christians are not to be dwelling on our weaknesses because even those are all about his strength right even our failings are about his glory even our weakness is not about our weakness and it's not about endless things about how weak we are it is about how strong our Savior is you will have to show your children how to receive challenges from God we have to show them how to live an anti fragile life not always trying to protect ourselves from the refiners fire or shield our faces from the blows of conviction we receive what God has called us to with the courage of people who are called after the name of Jesus we know whom we follow was reminded when writing this of a glorious hymn that I'm sure you all know but you know when you sing it you don't always hear what it's actually saying glorious things of the air spoken holy city of our God he whose word cannot be broken formed thee for his own abode on the Rock of Ages founded what can shake thy sure repose with salvations walls surrounded them a smile at all thy foes see the streams of living water springing from eternal love well supply thy blessed members and a fear of one remove who can faint when such a river ever flows their thirst to a swage grace which like the Lord the giver never fails from age two blessed constituents of Zion washed in the Redeemers blood Jesus whom their souls rely on makes them kings and priests to God tis his love his people raises over self to reign as kings and his priests his worthy praises each his thankful offering brings savior if of Zion city I through grace a member am let the world de ride or pity I will glory in thy name fading is the world lanes pleasure all his but all his boasted pomp and show solid joys and lasting treasure none but Zions members no solid joys are not the cotton candy right I love that image because I love the idea solid joy lasting treasure things that will be glorified eternally and obviously this includes our children and the thing that mothers always are struggling with is not the value of their children but the stupid obstacles and difficulties of our own sinfulness right our own sinfulness and there's all of us sinners fallen together but certain things last forever right anything done in Jesus and in his name will last forever your children will last forever you will be glorified eternally in Christ Father in heaven we praise you for your merciful abundant compassionate kindness to us Lord we thank you for the solid joys and the lasting treasures that you have given to us may we all be enabled through your spirit to hold fast to our profession and pursue you through whatever refining fires you have prepared for us may we embrace your glorious purposes for us with joy and may we run with our eyes fixed on your glorious son in whose name we pray and amen you [Applause]

Channel: Canon Press

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Keywords: Rachel Jankovic, Rachel Jankovic motherhood, rachel jankovic grace agenda, grace agenda, moscow idaho, what have you, rebekah merkle, what have you podcast, nassim talib, taleb, nassim taleb antifragile, antifragile rachel jankovic, antifragile, nassim taleb, canon press, loving the little years

Id: Msk5JwNxMcc

Length: 37min 48sec (2268 seconds)

Published: Fri May 03 2019