Hi, Bob the Canadian here. Welcome to this English
lesson about marriage. I'm here today with Jen
the Canadian, my wife, and together, we are
going to try and teach you a few English words and phrases that you would use when
talking about marriage, and at the same time, we're
going to answer some questions that you submitted to us yesterday about us and about our marriage. (chiming music) Well hey, welcome to this
English lesson about marriage. I want to thank all of you
that sent us questions. We will try to answer as
many of them as possible as we go through this lesson, and as I answer each question, and as Jen helps me to
answer each question, we will try to teach you a little bit of English along the way. So hey, the first set of questions that Jen and I are going to try and answer are questions about how we met and how long we dated for
before we got married. The first question is from xabi riko35 and the question is, "How,
when, and where did you meet?" Over to you Jen. - Okay, I met Bob when we were both at the same university. He was friends with my
sister's boyfriend at the time, so through my sister and that
connection, we met, yeah. - Yeah, a few times, here and there. - Yeah.
- We met here and there, and then eventually, did you ask me out or did I ask you out? - Well, Bob rode a motorcycle at the time, and I wanted, I was, I
asked you for a ride. - That's right, that's how it all started. Question number two from wan c, "Hi Jen, you are a lucky woman," you are a lucky,
(Jen laughs) (laughs) you are a lucky woman, "how did you know he was your type?" So, how did you know I was your type? - Well, I think first I
thought you were kinda cute, you (laughs).
(Bob laughs) He was cute and he was
funny, he made me laugh. He just seemed like a nice guy, so, I thought, "hey, I'm
gonna ask him out for a ride." - Yeah, yep, I guess, I
think I'm still kinda funny but I try my best.
- You still make me laugh. - I do, yeah.
- Yeah. - In fact, we've been
laughing quite a bit, just trying to get this video started. (both laugh) Question number three, Amanda Yap, "how long were you together "or dating before getting married?" So, I'm actually having
trouble remembering this, but I think we dated for about five years? - No.
- How long did we date? Four years.
- Three. - Three years.
(Jen laughs) We dated for about three years, see this is how it goes, when you get older, (laughs)
you start to forget things. Deekshansh Pathak, hi Deekshansh,
has the next question. "What's the one thing
that you like the most "about each other when you first met? "Is it still the same
after years of marriage? "If not, what is it now?"
(Jen laughs) Do you want me to go first?
- Yeah, okay, you go. - That's a good question.
- That's a hard question. - It's a good question though, I think.
- It's a great question. - Yeah, so, I would say the same things that I liked about Jen
then, I still like now. She's very beautiful,
(Jen laughs) she's very intelligent. I think those were
probably two of the things that I liked the most about her when I first met her and then she's a very funny person. So, she's just fun to be around. So, I would say, she was
beautiful and intelligent and then as I got to know her, I found out that she was pretty funny too and those three things are still
pretty important right now. What about you, Jen? - Well, I already said what I first liked, you were funny,
- Yes. - Bob was just a really nice guy. I just really had a sense that you were just a really nice guy and that you would be very kind to me. We had a lot of fun together, I thought you were funny too and Bob was really hardworking, I like that.
- Oh, yeah. - He was very responsible,
you were a bit older than me. So, maybe,
- Yeah. - I don't know but you still had these very trustworthy qualities that I liked.
- Oh. - And I think you still have that. - Yeah.
(both laugh) Thank you. So, the next set of questions has to do with when we got married
and our marriage in general. First question is from Rafael
Guadalupe Ortiz Vasquez, I hope I said your name right. "Is the word fiancé used for both the man "and the woman who are just engaged?" So, I'll answer this one. So, when Jen and I got
engaged, I proposed to Jen. So, I asked her to marry me and I gave her an engagement
ring, and she said "yes." That's very, that was nice of you. (both laugh)
And then after that, you would say that Jen was my fiancée and Jen would also say
that I was her fiancé. So, it is the same word for
both the man and the woman and you would then say
that we were engaged. So, there was a proposal, I
gave Jen an engagement ring, she became my fiancée, I became her fiancé and we were then engaged to be married. Oh!
- This is my ring. - Oh, that is the ring. You can hold it right up to the camera. It might focus onto it but sometimes doesn't actually see it. - Does that work?
- Yeah, I think it's still focused on your face. Oh well.
- It doesn't fit (laughs). - Yes.
- Anymore. It used to.
- It used to. Kenny Fong has the next question, "what things or gifts
do guests give the bride "and groom at a wedding?" So, on our wedding day, the day when you get married
is called a wedding day. On our wedding day,
people gave us many gifts. They gave us things to use in the kitchen, they gave us tools, what
else did they give us? - At that time, it was a
lot of just house stuff. - Yeah, a lot of, - Tools, like bedsheets, blankets, - A clock.
- A lot of kitchen stuff. - A few lamps.
- Lamps. - A lot of kitchen stuff, so.
- Yeah. - That is a traditional gift for a younger couple getting married. You would give them things
that they can use immediately in their apartment or in their house. - But don't you think now
it's a lot more gift cards? - Yes.
- Money. - I think people do give
a lot more gift cards now. So, that the couple can go out
and buy what they need later. Next question is from Karla, "do you remember your honeymoon?" Do you remember our honeymoon?
- I remember our honeymoon. - Yeah.
- It wasn't very long. - No, I was already working. So, I was on a break from school, we got married during a break and then we went to Chicago. We went to the City of Chicago, the weather wasn't great, was it? - No (laughs).
- No, it was very foggy. It wasn't actually super cold, it was kind of just miserable
would be a good way to, the honeymoon was great, we enjoyed hanging out with each other and going out to restaurants
and all that stuff but the city itself was,
yeah, kind of just an, I just remember it being,
- Chicago is a great place. - It's a great place (laughs)
- We just, went at the wrong time and maybe not as prepared
as we should have been - Yes.
- To really embrace all that Chicago has.
- Yeah. We'd like to go back someday.
- Yeah. - Next question, Mr. Bauka says, "I'm 30 now and single, "at what age did you and Jen get married? "Also, at what age "in Canada do people
normally get married?" We got married in our 20s, so we were both in our
20s when we got married. But the age in Canada when people get married
is slowly going up. It's probably late 20s, early 30s now when people normally get married. Next question, Mila Polk, "we usually wear a ring
on the right-hand finger "and when divorced we wear the same ring "on the left-hand finger. "Do you have the same tradition? "How long have you been married? "We have been married for 46 years." Oh, congratulations, that is a long time. We wear a ring on the ring
finger on our left hand. - This would be,
- That's where, - It goes like this, right?
- Yes, if it fits. - I just have to get it resized and I, once I started having kids, my, I think my joints expanded and they don't fit and I just haven't gotten it,
- Yes. - Redone, but,
- Which is okay. Generally farmers don't wear rings. Did you know that?
- Yeah, I don't think I would wear this,
- Yeah. - While I'm farming anyways.
- 'Cause it gets dirty and it might get wrecked,
those kinds of things. Let's see here, do you, no
we do not have a tradition where you switch the ring if
you are separated or divorced. We usually, if someone was to be divorced, they would just go their separate ways. Sharon has the next
question, "hello Bob and Jen, "this topic caught my interest immediately "because I'm recently married, "marrying someone who
you love is wonderful "but somehow I feel a bit of fear "that I may have lost a part
of myself at the same time. "Can you relate to this kind of feeling? "If yes, how do you deal with it? "If not, is there any advice
for beginners like me?" That's a deep question,
that's a tough one. - I, when we got married,
you had a job and I didn't and I think I, I think our hardest years of being married were the first, - Yes.
- The first one and there's a couple other in there but and I think I totally
relate to what you say that I thought I lost a bit, I left my university, I left my friends, I didn't have a job, I
don't know really who, what I was gonna do. Like, I knew I wanted to teach but it was really, I
think a difficult time. What helped me was I actually
ended up getting a job and then I was just really
busy and life got busy. - That was a good answer.
- Was that a good answer? - Yeah.
- I don't have a lot of advice though.
- I think it's good to be honest. Well, my advice would
relate to what you said that I think the first year of
marriage can be really tough and I think you need to work hard together as a couple to get through it. If there's, I mean, you're
learning to live together. We disagreed on who got to use what drawer in the bathroom for our stuff. So, yes, it's always good to just be patient
during those first years. - Time.
- Yes. - Time gets, with time, right?
- Yes. Next question from abdirahman mohamed "My question is in Canada, "who pays the dowry, men or women?" So, generally in Canada
there is no dowry. What usually happens in Canada
is the parents of the bride, so Jen's parents and the
parents of the groom, who were my parents at the time, each shared in the cost of
the wedding celebration. Sometimes parents will
give their children a gift, sometimes the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom but there's no traditional
dowry in most Canadian weddings. There are still very traditional weddings in some circles where there might be but generally it's just a celebration, both sets of parents try to help pay for the celebration as much as they can. So, do you have anything
to add to that one? - No.
- Next question, Vitalii Smirnov, "what is a common age "to get married in Canada? "Is it common to marry in a church? "Do women sometimes ask
the man to marry them?" So common age, I think
we late 20s, early 30s, maybe even mid-30s at this point. People are definitely older,
- But people get married, all ages, right?
- Yeah, yeah. I think so.
- It's just when you meet the right person, you know? - Yeah and then, is it
common to marry in a church? Yes, depending on your religion. Many people do have a church wedding. - There's a lot more, like
even just outdoor weddings and, - Yes.
- Don't you think? I think that's changing a bit.
- Yeah. And more weddings like at a hotel or another venue, for sure.
- Yeah. - And do women sometimes
ask a man to marry them? Yes, I think it's probably most common for a man to ask a woman, but it does happen the other way, I think. So, the next questions are
about whether we fight or not. First question is from Mahdi Alshammari. "Who makes the big important decisions "and does Jen argue with you sometimes?" (both laugh) I think it depends on what
the important decision is. I think, first of all, we do argue. Jen doesn't just argue
with me, I argue with Jen. We do argue sometimes but I think over the years
we've gotten pretty good at discussing instead of arguing. But I think the important
decisions, it depends, if it's a farm decision about the flowers, Jen makes the decision. If it's whether we need a new van, we usually talk about
something like that together. If it's a decision about how to, I'm just trying to think here, like, we talk about everything,
- We talk it out. - Pretty much.
- Bob like to talk. - Yeah.
(Jen laughs) So, I don't like making
decisions without first seeing, even if I know what I want to
do, we usually do discuss it and I will try to win Jen over
to my side of the argument, but generally we share the
decisions, I would say. Next question, LASENtemara, "how do you communicate "when you have a big
disagreement over something?" Yeah, that's a tricky one. First of all, we're not perfect. We are not a perfect couple. We do argue, we do
sometimes disagree on things and, yes, so,
- I think that we have, like, gotten more mature.
- Yes. - So I think if you had asked us this like at the beginning of our marriage to now, I think that things are much more calmer when we disagree.
- Yes. - I think that, like personally, I know I've matured a lot in how I respond to you.
- Yeah. I know early when we disagreed, I would want to resolve everything quickly but Jen likes to have a lot
of time to think about things. And then, usually, now when we disagree, I know that Jen likes some
time to think about things and she usually then is just way more able to discuss things. Okay, next section, kids (laughs). First question is from azot azotov. "Which of you decided to
have so many children?" (Jen laughs) That's a good question, 'cause, - I think we both always wanted four. - Yes and then we ended up with five. - And then we had one more (laughs). - Yeah.
- I love babies. - Yes.
- So, it's, I think I was quite
happy having more babies. - Yeah.
- Like, - I think we both knew we were having
more than three or four kids because we both grew up in families where you know, I have two
brothers and two sisters, Jen has a family that's
a little bit bigger than that actually and that was normal for us, just to have brothers and sisters around. So, for us the idea of family
was, you know, mom, dad, I was gonna say mom, dad. Mom, dad and a few kids,
maybe four or five. So, we had four, things were going well, so, we had one more.
(Jen laughs) Next question is from Julia, "do all your children have
the same character traits?" - No (laughs).
- No (laughs). They are all very different. They share some character
traits, for sure. - Yeah.
- But no, they definitely don't have
the same character traits. - You want to sit down?
- Siyoon M. says, "is it a good thing to
have a lot of kids around? "Does it make it a little noisy?" Yeah, sometimes it's noisy.
(Jen laughs) I, (laughs)--
- It's noisy a lot. - I like it quiet but
whenever the kids are loud, either I, well usually I'm
annoyed if they're loud, if I'm trying to get some work done but then I try to remind myself that someday I'll be old
and the house will be empty. So, then I don't mind the noise as much. Next section, Jen,
housework, chores and jobs. This is from Boris Ray,
"who cooks the most? "Who does the housework? "I guess Bob is a good man, "so he doesn't let Jen
do all the housework." (Jen laughs)
- (laughs) So that's, - How do they know that?
- I don't know, this is a, this is,
(Jen laughs) a tricky one because,
- It depends. I think it depends,
- Yeah. - What season we're in.
- Yeah. - So, especially like August
and September, for sure but even more anywhere
from May to September, you do more cooking, I would say. - When you're busy with the flowers, so the flower season's
from April till October, then I do more, I do more
of the cooking for sure and then when we get to, you know, the October till about March or April, then we kinda switch roles. We both, like when the
kids need to go somewhere, we both drive them if
they need to go somewhere. Jen cleans the house more
than me, but we do share that. - And I, you don't do laundry.
- I don't do laundry, no. I can do laundry but I don't do laundry. - He just doesn't do it.
- Yeah. - Which is fine.
- I-- - Actually and our kids
are old enough that they, - Yes.
- It's like a family, - Yeah.
- We all have jobs. - We all do dishes after supper. Although, sometimes I sneak
out to finish editing a video. - You're just busy, Bob's busy, so. - Yeah.
- He, we had more people that can do the work. Bob just does less right now 'cause he's trying to teach as
well as do a YouTube channel. - Yeah.
- That's a lot of time. So, that's fine.
- Thanks, by the way. (Jen laughs)
It's very helpful, so. (both laugh) Okay, next section is on work and hobbies. Question is from Yoli Trejo, "what does Jen do for a living?" - Well, I flower farm right now and I'm a stay-at-home mom, like for part of the year. I used to teach and then we just had some children and it was just easier if one us was home and plus, I really loved farming already. - Yeah.
- So, I continue, I just every year make my
farm a little bit bigger. - And Helen says, "were there
any things, activities, plans "or dreams that you had to
give up after getting married? "Did you ever regret it? "I remember Bob said once "that Jen you were a teacher too, "also I would like to
ask Jen to participate "in one more video to talk about "and to show us all
her beautiful flowers." - I'll do that in August.
- Yeah, we'll do that in August, that's a good idea. - I used to teach and I still miss it but when my flower season isn't busy, I can substitute teach. So, when a teacher calls in sick, I go in and I love that and then I still coach, I
love coaching volleyball. - Yeah.
- And playing volleyball. (Jen laughs)
- The next section is on celebrations and anniversaries. Yafei Wang says, "do you celebrate your
anniversary every year "and who is responsible
for planning the activity?" We don't do anything crazy or amazing. - No.
- We do try to go away without the kids. Not for our anniversary necessarily, but we do try to go to Niagara Falls or somewhere else. We didn't go this year
because of COVID-19. We do try to go on a date
if it's our anniversary, even if it's just a simple
go out quick for supper but we don't do anything
spectacular for that. - No, I think our favorite is dinner and walking around the mall.
- Yeah. - I love, I don't know what, not really shopping, but I like, - Yeah.
- Walking around and looking at stuff.
- Yeah. Next question from Connie, "where is the most unforgettable place "you have ever been to with Jen?" Oh, I guess that's for me, isn't it? (Jen laughs)
I would say, so Jen's, Jen had family that
lived in British Columbia for a while and we would go out to visit and British Columbia is a
province in Western Canada. It has mountains, it has, it's
right on the Pacific Ocean, beautiful cities, so I
really liked going there. We went about two or three times
when we were a lot younger. I got to go skiing in the
middle of the summer once because there was snow
up on the mountains. So that's, that would be my answer. Next question from Keive Lau, "have you ever not
bought any gifts for Jen "for some important date like
her birthday or anniversary?" Jen and I don't actually
give each other gifts, so, I don't know. Is that?
- I actually, I find it really hard to
find a good gift for Bob. So, I'm quite happy if
he doesn't give me one 'cause then I feel like I
don't need to give him one and then the stress level is,
- Yeah. - There's just no stress about it. So--
- The kids do give us gifts but we don't generally give
- Yeah. - Each other gifts.
- Yeah. - Maybe we should do that more, maybe I should give you gifts sometime. So the next questions are about the secret to a long marriage (laughs). And by the way, we don't know the secret but we'll give you our
advice as best as we can. Mustafa Bayrak asks,
"What makes a good spouse?" assia touati says, "what's the secret "to keep the relationship successful?" Stella Park, "I want to
ask you about the best way "to maintain a good
relationship with your wife. "I have been married for five years, "sometimes I argue with my husband "because of the trivial things. "Please share your tips
to keep a happy marriage." And Daniel Camargo, "hi
Bob, what advice would you "and Jen give a newly married couple?" Whoo, those are some big questions. We answered some of these
a little bit, earlier on. - I think that, especially
the last few years, when you've been sick and I
think I learned that I need to, (dog barks)
put Bob first. Like, if I take care of Bob, I think our marriage is happier and I think it kind of goes back then, if I'm taking care of him, he feels like he's able
to take care of me and it, and so instead of thinking of myself first and what I'm not getting,
or what I'm frustrated with, I think that I think "well,
what would make Bob's day better? "How can I help him?"
- Yeah. - And for me, for me,
that has really helped, I feel like our relationship is if I am mature enough to do that. I don't think when I was in my 20s I was always mature enough
to get to look past myself. - Yeah.
- And think about what you need. - I would agree because I think the fact that you farm and that
happens in the summer and I teach through the
fall and winter and spring, that kind of moved us
into this nice rhythm where you take care of me
and then I take care of you and I think that's been
very helpful for us to have to think about
the other person a lot. I don't think there is a big secret. I don't think Jen and I are always happy, we are happy a lot, but we are not always happy.
- Not always happy. I do think if you're looking
for one secret though, I would say it is what Jen said, putting the other person first and then just valuing the marriage. Like, just making this commitment that you value being together and you want to be together and sometimes, I always put it this way. I just think about what it's
gonna be like when I'm old. And when I'm old, I really
want to be with Jen. So, if we're having a bad moment, I sometimes think, "okay,
I need to find a way "to get through this bad moment "because when I'm 70, I
really want to be with Jen." So, and yeah the fact
that I was, I guess sick, I had heart surgery a couple years ago and I'm a lot better now, by the way, I'm 95% better (laughs). That really made Jen and I reflect and think a lot about what
we meant to each other. So, next question from Rúben
Nunes, this is about hobbies, we're switching to another section now. "What hobbies do you both have in common? "How have you brought up your children? "I mean, are there many rules? "How strict are you?" We're pretty strict, I think. There's definitely,
- You think so? - I don't know, we, there's
definitely rules, okay? There's bedtimes, there's supper time, there's kids have to be at the table. They're not allowed to have their phones at the table when we have supper. They have to do their homework. - They have to help out in the house. - They have to do chores
in the house, yeah. And then there was another
part of the question here, we both read. I think that's one hobby we share. We both read and we both like to, Jen and I both exercise. I walk primarily, Jen
walks and does workout. So, we do like to stay healthy, which is kind of a hobby. Yipin Bear, "how do you
keep a sense of freshness "between each other since
you have been married "for such a long time? "What do you think is
the most effective way "to maintain a good marriage?" I don't know, I just,
(Jen laughs) in some ways, the, it's 'cause we're just, we're already a boring old couple. We just really like hanging out together, so we're not always looking
for ways to make things fresh. - I think we are both quite
comfortable doing nothing. - Yes.
- Like, we live in the middle of nowhere kind of. And we're very happy not
doing a lot of stuff. - Yes.
- Though I think it's important to, I don't know what the rule, so there's different rules, like once a month, or
once every other month, go out on a, like a date.
- A date together, yeah. - I think that's really fun. And even if it's just,
we're go out.. somewhere in another town and go for a walk and out for supper or ice cream and, - Yeah.
- But, I like that. - Yeah I do too.
(both laugh) Last question about later in life, Learn American English
with this Guy, hi Brent, thanks for the question. "One day all of the children
will be out of the house," so that's called an empty
nest in English, by the way, "how do you and Jen envision your lives "in that phase of marriage?" We love our children.
- I love my kids. - We love that they're growing up and we do some days look
forward to them moving out, most days we are just
super happy they're here but life does change. So, I think we'll just
visit our kids a lot. We might travel a little more. We have not traveled a lot. How do you see things changing? - I think I will, I
know I put my thumbs up but I will miss my kids. I love the stage we're at right now. - Yeah.
- I love, I love having them
around the supper table, I love the noise in the house and the constant, there's
always someone around. So, I hope that they
don't live too far away. I think that we will,
as much as they want us, we'll visit them or have them over and then I think we'll do,
I'm not a huge traveler, but I do think there's some places that we have never been able to go to that we would like to go to and then I think we'll still farm. - Yeah, definitely.
- I think it's healthy to farm.
- Yeah, we don't plan necessarily to retire. We would like to stay healthy. I would like to do YouTube
for a very long time and Jen would like to grow
flowers for a very long time. So, we will probably semi-retire someday but not anytime soon.
- No. - Well, hey, I'm just gonna wrap this up. Thank you so much for watching this video, it was a little longer than expected. I'm not sure if you've made it
all the way to the end here, thank you Jen, for being on the video with me.
- You're welcome. - I'm Bob the Canadian, this was less of an English lesson and more of a time to just
hang out with Jen and I, so thank you, thanks
for all your questions. Again, I do apologize
that we only were able to answer a few. Imagine how long the video would be if we had answered 200 questions, it would have been hours long. So, hopefully this was a benefit to you and thanks again for watching. So, bye.
- Bye!
