Vanessa: Hi, I'm Vanessa from the website,
SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. Welcome to the sample conversation video lesson
from the course The Fearless Fluency Club. In this video, you'll see myself and my sister
Cherise having a conversation, a natural, real conversation about reverse culture shock. If you don't know what this term is, watch
the video. If you'd like to hear natural conversations,
I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and to analyze and learn about the vocabulary, the grammar, the
pronunciation that we use in this video, make sure that you watch the other videos in this
series. That way you can more completely and fully
understand the conversation and use the English yourself. To join The Fearless Fluency Club, you can
click the link here in the description or up here at the top, the little I in the corner. Thanks so much and let's get started. Hi everyone. I want to introduce you to my sister, Charisse. Charisse: Hi everyone. Vanessa: Today we're going to talk about a
cool topic, reverse culture shock, but first I want to introduce my sister, because you
probably don't know her. Can you tell us first a little bit about where
you've lived or different countries you've lived in? Cherise: Yeah, sure. Well, I lived in France. I lived in Argentina, and I recently returned
from South Korea. Vanessa: Cool, cool. What were you doing in France? Cherise: In France, I was an au pair. In Argentina, I had multiple jobs actually. First, I worked at a volunteer organization,
then I taught English, every odd job. Then, I moved directly to South Korea, where
I also taught English. Vanessa: Yeah, so you're also an English teacher
or yo used to be an English teacher. That's really cool. We have something in common. Cherise: Yeah. Yeah, we do. Vanessa: The topic for today is reverse culture
shock, and maybe some people know about what culture shock is, but how would you describe
culture shock? Cherise: Reverse culture shock is when you
go from the country you've been living in, a foreign country, let's say, South Korea,
you come back to your home country, and then all of a sudden everything feels foreign,
as if you're returning to a foreign country and not your home country. You don't connect with people. You feel very different from everything around
you. Vanessa: Yeah, you feel kind of disconnected
from what used to be really normal for you. Cherise: Exactly. Vanessa: Yeah, and that's a terrible feeling
because you feel like, "Oh, I should be going home. I should be really comfortable," and then
you feel really weird. Cherise: Exactly. You don't expect it. You hear of culture shock, but reverse culture
shock is something you're not expecting. Because you don't prepare for it, it hits
you harder. Vanessa: Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know. Have you ever felt culture shock, regular
culture shock when you moved to Argentina or France or Korea? Did you feel like, "This is a new culture"? Cherise: I definitely did to an extent, because
you're preparing for it. You know you're going to another country. You're going to feel discomfort of some sort,
and you're expecting to feel it, so I think you prepare more for this culture shock, but
reverse culture shock, you're not ready, you're not prepared, and it just hits you. Vanessa: Yeah, especially when you go to another
country and you know you're going to live there for a while, you probably do a lot of
preparation. I know when we moved to Korea, I was watching
videos all the time about Korea and what's life like, some of the language, some culture
different stuff, but when we came back to the US, I didn't think about that at all. It's just like, "Oh, it's just the US. It's my home country." Cherise: Exactly, right. It's definitely real. It's definitely there and it's something that
you don't think about. Vanessa: Yeah, especially when you've been
living away for a while. How long were you living away from the US
before you came back? Cherise: Four years. Vanessa: So Argentina, and then-
Cherise: First Argentina for a year, then South Korea for three years. Vanessa: Yeah. That's a long time. Cherise: It had been a long time. I hadn't made any trips, just to visit friends
or family. My friends weren't even American, I would
say, so I wasn't even getting some culture from my American friends. Vanessa: Yeah, you're culturally disconnected. Cherise: Most of my friends were foreign or
from the country I was living in. Vanessa: Yeah, so when you lived in Argentina
and Korea, you didn't really have American friends so much. Maybe some. Cherise: There were a few, but they weren't
the majority, or I wasn't even looking to make those connections with American people. Vanessa: Yeah, you wanted to make friends
that are from the country. Cherise: I wanted to, yeah, acclimate to the
country and to the culture. Vanessa: Yeah. I think a lot of people, at least a lot of
my students, if they're living in an English-speaking country, that's a huge question, "How can
I meet people who are from the local culture?" But you did it. What do you think helped you? That's kind of off topic, but what do you
think helped you to make friends with people who weren't American? Was it your jobs or you just learned the language? Cherise: I think what helped was going to
events that weren't for foreigners. I went to those types of things where you
know you're going to meet locals who live there, and then just connecting with them
and then a lot of times, they're very receptive. They want to be your friend, too, and then
that brings you into their friend group. Vanessa: Yeah. You mean dances or concerts, or what kind
of events did you go to? Cherise: Yeah, concerts, a lot of concerts
in Argentina mainly, and then in South Korea, I would say it was with my work because I
was the only foreigner at the school I worked at. Everyone I worked with was a local, was Korean,
and that's how I connected with them. Vanessa: Yeah, so if you wanted to learn more
about the culture, they were already around you. That's really cool. I think it takes a lot of guts, though, because
when you are the only person who's American or from your country in an area, maybe you
would be more likely to seclude yourself or be like, "I feel really uncomfortable talking
to them. Do they want to talk to me?" Cherise: Yeah, but they were very nice. I never felt that awkward situation where
maybe they don't want me here. I felt very welcomed, and this is in South
Korea. Vanessa: In Argentina, was it different? Cherise: No, it wasn't different. This is coming from the experience of working
in South Korea. In Argentina, as well, but definitely in South
Korea because I was the only foreign teacher, but luckily I was with my husband, Toddo. Vanessa: Yeah, so can you tell us a little
bit about Toddo because Cherise's husband also plays an important role in I think this
culture shock or acclimating to a new culture, so can you tell us about him? His name's Toddo, so if you hear Toddo, it's
not an English word you don't know. It's just his name. Cherise: Sure. He's Colombian and we met in Argentina. We got married in Argentina and then together
we moved to South Korea, so he's been with me through basically-
Vanessa: A lot of changes. Cherise: ... everywhere, in Argentina, in
Korea, and then back to the US right now. I think he's really helped me acclimate better
just because I have somebody who's been with me through all these experiences, and if no
one else connects with me, I know he will and I know he'll understand what I've been
through because he's been through it, too, and we can kind of hash it out together. That has helped a lot. Vanessa: I think that makes a big difference
too because I know when I've traveled alone somewhere and then I came back to the US,
no one understood what I'd seen or the cool experiences, so I felt really lonely. There's no one I can talk to about this, and
if I said, "Oh, I went here and I went there and this was really cool, and oh, in Germany,
it's like this," they'd just be like, "Oh, that's really cool." Maybe they thought it was cool, but they just
can't get it. Cherise: Right. Exactly. Either I feel like I'm talking too much about
Korea and they're like, "Oh shut up, please stop." Vanessa: That's hard because it's part of
your past. Cherise: I want someone to tell. Yeah, I want someone to be able to appreciate
or just even listen. You've been somewhere and you want to be able
to share what you've seen, what you've learned. Vanessa: Yeah. We're like grandmas. We want to just tell our stories. Cherise: Exactly. It's really helped having Toddo around and
being able to connect with him stronger just because we've been everywhere together. Vanessa: Yeah, you guys have a closer bond
because you've been through a lot. Cherise: Right, right. Vanessa: I think there's something ... Oh,
what was I going to say? There's something cool about, oh, you guys'
relationship that we haven't mentioned yet, that part of that reverse culture shock that
we'll talk about in just a second is a language thing, going from not being in an English
speaking country to being in the US, where there's English everywhere. You speak Spanish, so can you tell us a little
bit about your language experience with him? I think this is so cool. Cherise: Okay, sure. Well, before I was going to Argentina because
I wanted to learn Spanish, and I met Toddo. Well, when we met, we didn't speak Spanish
immediately together. We spoke English. He also speaks perfect English, but then as
time grew on I was getting more like, "I really want to learn Spanish, and let's speak Spanish
together," which is actually really hard, especially with a couple, with a pair to be
like, "Okay, we're going to speak only"- Vanessa: And change languages in the middle
of your relationship. Cherise: Exactly, yeah, but we somehow managed
to do that somewhat successfully I would say. I would speak Spanish almost I would say 90%
of the time. Vanessa: That's awesome. Cherise: Which is really good. It's helped me a lot. It's helped our relationship. I don't know why. Vanessa: Yeah. That's part of his native language though,
so maybe for him too, he can connect better. Cherise: I agree. I think it has to do something with that. All around, it's been great, so yeah. Vanessa: That's cool that you have that connection,
but coming back to the US, if you didn't want to speak English, you could speak Spanish
together. Cherise: Right. Oh yeah, I didn't mention that. When we came back to the US, I felt like everyone
was listening to my conversations and it was just uncomfortable. I didn't want to speak out loud because I
thought, "Everyone's listening to me." Vanessa: Yeah, that's a really weird feeling. Cherise: We would speak in Spanish everywhere,
but then again also, there's a lot of people who speak Spanish, so it doesn't work all
the time. Vanessa: Kind of an illusion. Cherise: You feel like you're speaking a secret
language. Vanessa: Yeah. I feel like that's a good segue to the next
thing of when have you experienced reverse culture shock? Coming back from the Argentina Korea experience
to the US, did you experience any of that? Cherise: Definitely. I felt a longing for the Argentinian lifestyle
I had when I was in Korea for at least a few months, like, "Oh, we can just go out to all
these restaurants and they have a lot more varieties of food," so that was hard. Maybe public transportation, although Korea
also has fantastic public transportation. It just stops at a certain time so you have
to know what your- Vanessa: Oh, Argentinian transportation went
longer? Cherise: It's all night, all day, 24/7. Vanessa: Whoa. Cherise: You don't have to think, "Okay, I've
got to go home now." Vanessa: Yeah. Cherise: There were some things that I missed
about Argentinian life that- Vanessa: Weren't in Korea. Cherise: Yeah, that didn't exist in Korea,
and also, at least in Argentina, I understood what people were saying and I could communicate. Even though it wasn't my first language, at
least I could communicate with people. Vanessa: That makes a huge difference, though,
connecting with the culture, if you can understand the language. Cherise: I know. It opened a lot of doors. When I went to Korea, I felt very closed. I couldn't communicate with anyone. I didn't really know what was going on. There was a lot of cultural differences, too. Eventually, you adapt to any circumstance. I was able to adapt to living in Korea, and
then- Vanessa: You probably learned some of the
language, enough to read or enough to minimally communicate. Cherise: Right, I could read, and also, yes,
communicate with the students, communicate with my coworkers. Sometimes some of them spoke English. Anyway, when I went from Korea to the US,
there was another level of culture shock just because America was my home country and then
all of a sudden, I felt like a foreigner in my own country. Vanessa: That's a really weird feeling. Cherise: I still feel that way to an extent,
not as strongly as when I first arrived. Vanessa: Yeah, and how long have you been
back now? Sorry to interrupt you. Cherise: I think it's been four months. Vanessa: Four months. That's not long. Cherise: I came in March 1st of 2016. Vanessa: Yeah, March, April, May, June, yeah,
about four months. It's still fresh. Cherise: Yeah, it's still fresh, but it was
definitely hard the first month. Vanessa: Yeah. What did you experience? Tell us about that first month, if you don't
mind rehashing those deep days. Cherise: Sure. I'm trying to think of some very good examples. Well, when I first arrived, I arrived in Jackson
Hartfield Airport, which is in Atlanta, which is one of the biggest airports. I just remember arriving there, and all of
a sudden hearing everyone speaking English and just the interactions between the workers
in the airport and the interactions with them with me and Toddo, and it just felt so strange. I don't know how to explain it. That's the thing about reverse culture shock. Vanessa: Yeah, it's just a strange feeling. Cherise: You can't explain it unless you've
experienced it, and maybe you can prepare for it, but some other examples, I remember
going to get a cell phone in the US. I wasn't prepared for so much social interaction. Vanessa: In English, or just-
Cherise: In English. I think that's what it was. There's so many people and I kept feeling
like people were listening to me or watching me strangely because in Korea, people would
look at me at least, at least notice, "There's a foreigner." Vanessa: Because you're not Korean. Cherise: Right, and so I guess I assumed that
people were still doing that, although now I'm not standing out as a foreigner, but I
still felt like these eyes were watching me. It just was a strange moment of life. Vanessa: Yeah. You realize you do look like other people
here. Cherise: Right. I realized I'm not actually standing out like
I was in Korea. Vanessa: You're not special anymore. Cherise: Not special. That's okay. Vanessa: Even though that's something negative,
I think reverse culture shock in general is something negative, for me, it's nit-picking
small things about American culture because that's our home culture that I didn't nit-pick
about before. A big thing that got me, I don't know why
this was a big deal, but for some reason when I came back from France, living in France
for a year, for some reason it really bothered me that people mowed their lawns. When I saw people mowing their lawns, it's
such a waste. Why don't you just grow something else or
why don't we have something else here? Why are you mowing a lawn, or why are you
using 100 grocery bags? Just bring your own bag. Don't use these plastic bags. Cherise: That's something I don't understand,
either. Vanessa: Yeah. It's just such a small thing that shouldn't
bother me and I feel like I'm generally easygoing or little things don't bother me like that,
but I think it was reverse culture shock, that comparing it to good things from the
culture that I came from and being like, "Why is my culture like this? Ugh," so pissed off about it. Cherise: Right, and you realize, well, they
don't know that maybe it's better to bring your own bag, bring a little cart. It just isn't part of the American culture
at this point. Vanessa: Yeah. Cherise: Another thing about grocery stores
is there are so many options. I realized, "This is why we have a problem
with obesity maybe." It could be the fact that you have 100 different
types of cereal to choose from, or I don't know how many types of cereal there are. Vanessa: Hundreds. Cherise: Too many. I want to buy milk. Why do I have to choose from 20 different
types of milk? Why are there so many options? There shouldn't ... I don't know. Vanessa: It's overwhelming. Today we went to the store to look at coconut
oil, and it's a small grocery store and there's what, like 30 choices, 20 choices? Cherise: Americans have a lot of options. A lot of countries don't have that many options
to choose from. Vanessa: Yeah. In a way, it's neither here nor there, but
it's one of those things that when you come back to your own culture and see that, you
can feel overwhelmed. I think that's a sign of reverse culture shock
is being overwhelmed by something you thought would be normal, like going to the grocery
store, something really normal. Cherise: Something you do all the time, and
all of a sudden, it's something that is a small struggle. Vanessa: Yeah, yeah. Cherise: Choosing what you want to eat. Vanessa: Yeah. Do you think that reverse culture shock is
avoidable? Is it possible to make it any better than
it is? This could apply to culture shock, too, but
like we already said, I think we kind of prepare for culture shock. When you go to a foreign country, you prepare
more, so reverse culture shock- Cherise: Right, you're saying, "I don't need
to prepare. I'm going back to my home country." I think there are certain things you can do
to prepare for it. I don't think you can completely avoid it,
but at least know that these things are going to be issues for me, so what can I do to ease
the difficulty? For example, public transportation in Korea
is fantastic. I never drove a car. I biked, I took the bus or I took the subway. I thought for me, it's going to be very important
to live somewhere and be able to either walk, bike, or drive a car minimally. Vanessa: Yeah. Oh, that sounds a lot like me. Cherise: Buying a car, you have to get a car
if you're in the US. It's unavoidable. Vanessa: Unless you live downtown New York,
but that's not going to be many people. Cherise: Right. Vanessa: Unless you're a millionaire. Cherise: I need to realize that this is going
to be a problem for me and prepare for it as best I can, although I'm still going to
have to drive, I'm still going to have to face this difficulty, you could say. Vanessa: Yeah. You're still going to have to do something
you don't want to do. Cherise: Right, that I'm not comfortable or
used to doing, but it is the only way. I guess you can prepare for it, but you can't
avoid it. Vanessa: Yeah. I think for me coming back to the US, I had
a lot of fears. I don't think if they were irrational or not,
but I knew that I had a great time living abroad and in France and in Europe and in
Korea. It was so fun and really enjoyable. Every day there's something different and
new, and then coming back to the US, a big thing was, is every day just going to be a
daily routine? Am I just going to feel like there's not new
surprises around every corner? When you're abroad, even if you're just traveling
or visiting, you find a new market around the corner or there's someone playing street
music or just fun little things. Cherise: There's always something new, right. Vanessa: Yeah, so that was a big deal for
us is finding somewhere where there is new stuff going on or there's maybe some diversity
or some new cultures or something more than just a boxed lifestyle where you have franchises
and suburban lifestyle. You've got some city life. Cherise: Right. I think that would be very difficult to go
from living in Korea to going and living in suburbia, where you have to drive 20 minutes
just to go to the supermarket and there's nothing really going on around where you're
living. That would be really hard. Vanessa: Yeah. I think that's something that was a priority
for us, it seems like for you guys, too- Cherise: Right, definitely. Vanessa: Live close to the city. Cherise: Yes. I think I realized I like living in bigger
cities and it's going to be really difficult to go and live in the countryside or live
in a little neighborhood way far away from everything. Vanessa: Yeah. Maybe that's something that could happen in
the future. I don't know. I would like to have a garden or like to live
... It's maybe more idealistic, but at the moment, it's not really something that I want,
so maybe in the future, but I think that's an important point, knowing what you want. Cherise: Right. Everyone wants something different. They have their own ... What's important to
you is different than what's important to me, than somebody else, to know what you want. Vanessa: And taking some time to analyze that,
like, "Oh, what do I like about living where I'm living now?" In Korea, you really liked transportation,
so how can I make that happen in my home country? For me, I liked having little surprises around
every corner. It's not going to be exactly the same. It's not a foreign country, but how can I
make that happen somehow or find the right place? Cherise: Yeah. Vanessa: At least for Americans, I don't know,
maybe it's different for other countries, but for us, it's not a big deal if you don't
go back and live in your hometown. Cherise: Yeah. You can go [crosstalk 00:21:22]. Exactly. Vanessa: I know some people, at least some
people I've talked to who aren't American, they're really surprised that maybe you've
lived in California, like Dan, who's my husband. Maybe some of you have met him. Dan lived in California, then Colorado, then
Pennsylvania, then he went to school in Tennessee. That's all over the US, east, west, middle,
south, everywhere, and it's totally normal. Most people have lived in several places. Even for us, we lived in the north and then
the south and we have roots in both places. Cherise: Yeah, so I feel like it's hard to
come back and feel super connected immediately. That's not going to happen. Vanessa: Yeah, but that's okay. I think knowing about it, that's probably
the biggest thing to avoid it is being knowledgeable that you might feel shocked about it and how
to avoid that, or just have more patience with yourself. Cherise: Yeah. You know it's going to get better. You'll feel more connected and integrated
as time goes on. Vanessa: Yeah, or be more patient with your
partner. If I was upset at Dan about something, I'd
be like, "Wait, this is probably just because I'm adjusting. I shouldn't get frustrated or snippy about
little things because I'm adjusting, so sorry to put this on you." Cherise: At least you realize it. Vanessa: Yeah, and you're not perfect, but
I think that's something that just being aware of it is a big deal. Thanks so much for talking about reverse culture
shock. Cherise: Yeah. No problem. Vanessa: Thanks everyone for watching this
conversation with Cherise, my sister. If you'd like to see any more conversations
with her in the future, let us know. Bye. Cherise: Bye. Vanessa: Thanks so much for watching this
sample conversation lesson for The Fearless Fluency Club. I hope you learned something new and if we
were speaking too quickly, if there's some grammar you would like to learn about, some
vocabulary or pronunciation you want to improve for yourself so that you can use it, I recommend
watching the other videos in this series, the sample videos for the course, The Fearless
Fluency Club. If this is a good fit for you, I recommend
joining our club, where you can get lesson sets like this every month. You can click here to join the club. Click up here. There's a little I in the corner, or in the
description below. I'm really glad that you're here with me and
I'll see you later. Bye.
