LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --
ADAM DRIVER. ♪♪♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU, THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE DOING THE
FIRST SHOW OF 2020. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
AND TO BE HONEST, I'M A LITTLE SAD TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO 2019,
BECAUSE I ACTED SO MUCH AND SO HARD ALL YEAR.
SERIOUSLY, I WAS YELLING, I WAS CRYING, I PUNCHED, I SANG, ALL
FOUR EMOTIONS. AND PEOPLE ASSUME I'M JUST LIKE
THE CHARACTERS I PLAY, REALLY SERIOUS, PRIVATE INTIMIDATING
GUY, ADAM FROM "GIRLS." KYLO REN FROM SPACE ONE.
I'M NOT AN INTENSE GUY, I'M JUST REALLY CHILL.
I'M JUST GOING TO BE MYSELF, OPEN UP A BIT AND BE CHILL
TONIGHT. CAN WE GET SOME CHILL MUSIC?
♪♪♪ NO, NO, NO, I DON'T LIKE THAT.
CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING ELSE. ♪♪♪
OKAY, I LIKE THAT ONE LESS. CAN YOU GO BACK TO THE FIRST
ONE? ♪♪♪
OKAY, THAT'S GOOD. YOU CAN HEAR THOSE BETTER,
RIGHT? >> OKAY.
GOOD. ANYWAYS, SO, I'M VERY CHILL.
AND I'M JUST GOING TO PROVE IT, I'M GOING TO TAKE MY TIME UP
HERE, BE MYSELF AND ENJOY THIS MOMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, THAT'S COOL.
THAT'S LIKE A SUBWAY. IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE GRAND
CENTRAL? IS GRAND CENTRAL A SUBWAY?
I CAN'T TAKE THE TRAIN, I GET MOBBED.
THAT'S COOL. I NEVER NOTICED THAT BEFORE.
OKAY, NOW, I'M GROOVING ON THIS MUSIC.
I'M SORRY I JUST DIDN'T TRUST YOU GUYS YET.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU SOME STUFF ABOUT ME.
I'M A HUSBAND, AND A FATHER IN THAT ORDER.
I'VE BEEN VERY CLEAR WITH MY SON ABOUT THAT, HE'S SECOND IN
EVERYTHING. I LIVE IN BROOKLYN.
I CAN'T AFFORD MANHATTAN, SPENT ALL MY MONEY.
PEOPLE THINK I HATE RED CARPET STUFF, AND I DO.
BUT IT'S JUST CAUSE I'M BAD AT SMILING.
I LOOK LIKE A KIDNAPPED PERSON TRYING TO SEND A MESSAGE WITH
HIS EYES. LOOK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SEE?
WHAT ELSE. OH YEAH, I SAW "LITTLE WOMEN."
SPOILER ALERT, THERE'S NOT A LITTLE WOMEN, THERE'S A LOT OF
WOMEN. I'M DOING DRY JANUARY, THAT
MEANS YOU JUST DON'T TAKE A BATH.
IT'S NOT VERY HARD. YOU KNOW, OTHER THINGS.
I'M VERY APPROACHABLE. I'LL JUST APPROACH AN AUDIENCE
MEMBER. HERE, MOVE.
HI. HEY, MAN.
HEY, MAN. YOU LOOK LIKE A STAR WARS FAN,
NO OFFENSE. HERE.
HERE'S A SIGN RIGHT HERE, KYLO REN ACTION FIGURE, CHOKING
HAZARDS, SMALL PARTS NOT FOR CHILDREN UNDER THREE.
THAT'S JUST FOR YOU. >> THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME. IF I FIND IT ON EBAY, I'LL KILL
YOU. THANKS FOR BEING A FAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT ELSE?
YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I'M TRYING TO DRAG
THIS OUT, BECAUSE THERE'S A SKETCH AT THE END OF THE SHOW
THAT I REALLY DON'T LIKE. SO I'M HOPING IF THIS GOES LONG,
IT WILL JUST GET CUT. YEAH, SEE.
I PLAY A WOMAN IN IT, AND I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S TRANSPHOBIC
OR JUST REALLY DATED. OH, HERE'S SOMETHING.
I WAS A MARINE BEFORE I WAS AN ACTOR, ACTING IS A LOT LIKE
BEING A MARINE. YOU DO ONE MISSION THE WAY THEY
PLANNED, AND THEN THE SERGEANT SAYS JUST DO ONE FOR ONE AND
THEN MAKE IT YOUR OWN. I CAN'T SEE IT.
I KNOW, I'M IN A MOVIE CALLED "MARRIAGE STORY" WITH
SCARLETT JOHANSSON. I BASICALLY KISSED COLIN JOST,
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT HALSEY IS HERE, SO STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
Mirror.
jj Abrams goddamit man you had one of the best new actors right there and you bought back palpatine instead of letting him loose.
"When I smile I look like a kidnap victim trying to communicate with their eyes."
That was like a 'tight 5' comedy set from a professional standup.
I'd like to see Adam Driver do some skits that were written by John Mullaney. It seems like his acting style and Mullaney's writing style would go well together. Have him do one of those odd corner store musical numbers.
This dude should do comedy movies.
Adam Driver is a fucking national treasure!
That was hilarious “if I find this on eBay I’ll kill you”
He sounds a bit like Tom Hanks in this skit.