(upbeat music) - [Narrator] Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back to a brand new Psych2Go video. Made possible through your
continued love and support. Today's video is brought
to you in collaboration with Haley Shafir from Choosing Therapy. Let's begin. Abandonment issues involve a deep fear of being hurt, rejected or abandoned. Fear of abandonment is a form
of anxiety that often develops in response to specific painful
or traumatic experiences, like childhood abuse, neglect,
or the loss of a loved one. Abandonment issues are closely linked to insecure attachment styles,
which are characterized by difficulty forming close, stable
relationships with others. According to attachment theory, early childhood interactions between a child and their caregivers is a primary determinant of
whether a person develops a secure or insecure attachment style. Before we proceed, please
remember this video is for informational purposes only
and is not for self diagnosis. With that said, here
are the signs and causes of abandonment issues. So what is this fear actually? Did you go through a
specific painful experience being betrayed hurt or abandoned by someone during childhood? Often, abandonment issues stem
from early childhood traumas involving a parent or caregiver. Abandonment issues stemming from childhood often persists into adulthood. When parents and caregivers respond in warm consistent and attentive ways to the feelings and needs of children, children develop a secure attachment and are able to develop normally. A secure attachment style
represents a person who learns to trust and open up to others, is responsive and warm to others and can form healthy
and close relationships. When this does not happen, the child remains in a state
of chronic stress and fear, stunting their development and
preventing specific important social and emotional
milestones from being reached. This leads to development of
an insecure attachment style. What are some signs of abandonment issues? In children, abandonment issues
often show up as anxiety, especially when separated
from a caregiver. Children with abandonment
issues may be more easily upset and often have difficulty
regulating their emotions. They may exhibit negative
attention seeking behaviors and have outbursts or tantrums. They can either demonstrate
avoidant or antisocial behaviors withdrawing from peers or bullying others. They might also be other
very fearful of adults or overly trusting,
developing fast dependencies. And what about the signs of
abandonment issues in adults? Well, have you ever developed
specific defense mechanisms that make it more difficult to form close healthy relationships? Do you push people away, withdraw and avoid trusting or
opening up to people? The particular types of
defense mechanisms a person with abandonment issues
develops can be different. These are categorized as
different attachment styles. Adults with abandonment
issues will display similar unhealthy patterns in their relationships. They'll become overly
needy in relationships and will develop patterns
of codependency relying on the other person to meet
all of their emotional needs. Others with abandonment fears
will allow people to get close but become volatile, aggressive
or emotionally reactive with their partner when they
feel threatened or upset. Each of these distinct patterns represent a specific type of insecure attachment. Causes and triggers of abandonment issues. Did you go through abuse,
neglect or a traumatic loss of a loved one during childhood? Abandonment issues that begin
in childhood are almost always the result of Adverse
Childhood Experiences or ACEs, which describe different types of stressful and traumatic experiences. These experiences lead
to the development of negative beliefs about
oneself and others that form the basis of insecure attachment
and abandonment fears. These beliefs can include
self worth issues, like believing one is
unlovable or unworthy beliefs that others are untrustworthy or believing people will
always end up leaving. These core beliefs are referred to as internal working models
in attachment theory and are believed to drive
insecure attachment patterns, even in adulthood. Some of the childhood
experiences that cause abandonment issues and insecure
attachment styles include having a caregiver who is
neglectful or unresponsive to the feelings and needs of a child. Having a caregiver who is physically or emotionally abusive or intimidating. Having a caregiver who is inconsistent, sometimes warm and
attentive and other times cold and unresponsive or abusive. Being a victim of sexual abuse, especially as a child or teen. And having a caregiver who
is separated or absent, the death of a parent, incarceration, or a parent who is not
an active caregiver. Abandonment fears can be caused
by any of these experiences and are not always the direct result of one particular event. But instead a pattern of
not consistently meeting a child's physical and emotional needs. Sometimes, this is caused by
certain environmental factors or circumstances instead
of parenting deficits. These environmental and social
risk factors include things like being exposed to violence in the community or within the home, coming from low-socioeconomic
status or being a minority. Children who are raised
in adoptive families or who are placed in foster
care also often struggle with fears of abandonment
and insecure attachments. Even children from loving stable homes could have developed abandonment issues if a parent was frequently
working or traveling, or if one parent struggled
with chronic health or mental health conditions. While experiencing trauma in childhood is more likely to lead
to insecure attachment, experiences later on
in life may also cause insecure attachment and abandonment fears. For instance, being in an emotionally, physically or sexually
abusive relationship, being cheated on or betrayed, or experiencing rejection as an adult could trigger these fears. While not everyone who
has these experiences will go on to develop
abandonment issues, some will. And this happens when the
person's unresolved trauma from one relationship is carried over and impacts a person's
future relationships. When and how to seek help
for abandonment issues. Do you have difficulty forming close romantic relationships
or friendships? Is there intense anxiety about commitment that impacts a significant relationship? Difficulty being open,
vulnerable or trusting others because of past experiences are commonly faced by those
having abandonment issues. Some of the signs that
could indicate a need for professional help include
patterns of choosing partners who are abusive, controlling, needy, emotionally unstable or unavailable. Patterns of unhealthy communication, consistent feedback from
others that you are too needy and a pattern of losing
yourself in relationships, are all experiences due
to fear of abandonment. When significant past traumas
or unhealed emotional wounds continue to bother you or
impact your relationships or behavior in unwanted ways, you may benefit from seeking
professional counseling. Seeking a counselor who is experienced in treating trauma is a great help. If your loved one is struggling
with abandonment issues, therapy may be able to
help you move forward. If you are currently in
a relationship that is being affected by your abandonment issues, consider seeking out a therapist who specializes in couples therapy. The Choosing Therapy directory
is a great place to find therapists for individual
or couples counseling and offer a free consultation to match you with a great therapist. We hope we're able to give you insight into the signs and causes
of abandonment issues. Do any of these describe your experience? Or did any of these points describe you? Leave a comment down below
about your encounters with them if you'd like. Please feel free to share any
thoughts you have as well. If you found this video
helpful be sure to hit the like button and share it with
those out there struggling. Don't forget to subscribe to Pysch2Go, and hit the notification
bell for more new videos and thanks for watching.
