A Conversation on Old Fashioned Marriage

good morning dwayne indiana here at dry creek wrangler school uh yesterday we hit 100 000 subscribers and so as i had mentioned in the last video if we did that we would make a video and we would get mama on video and get some more time with mama now she she she tried to dive out on me this morning i did and uh but i didn't let her i held her feet to the fire so here she is there she is um so we uh really again very grateful very appreciative of all the support and it's i've said it a hundred times it's not what we expected when we started out this was not where we thought this would go uh but here we are and and we're we're grateful for it okay so let me just go ahead and address something right up front all right there's still some confusion about it it's a cultural thing this is not my mother okay yes this is mama of dracula grammar school this is my wife of 31 years a mother of my seven children my partner my best friend this is mama uh january 19th 30 years ago our first child was born and she became mama and so seven kids running around the house for years and then as they started leaving when they got grown there was still always children behind so for 30 years she was mama and it's like you know a child go ask your mama where's your mama they come in and say mama said tell you supper's ready um it's a term of endearment most healthy women can become a mother all right um but a mama's something different it's a badge that she has earned she's earned it and so that's why she's called mama it's a cultural thing but there it is all right so i want to make that clear this is not my mother all right she looks like she could be my daughter but not my mother there you go all right why don't you tell them how we met tell them about our tell them about our love at first sight oh yeah it was not love at first sight i did think he was very cute but um we were working he was working at a restaurant he was assistant manager at a sizzler steakhouse and and we were in alaska and i was raised up there and i was barely 17 and applied for a job and they hired me and he uh you tell this part this is a part of your first impression of me i had been fussing at the manager for weeks uh i kept telling her i'm like we're trying to run a business here i need you to hire me some adults i need some grown-ups you keep hiring these high school kids and we can't run this business like that i was i'm six years older than she is uh so i'm in the back behind the kitchen i was the head cook and i was the assistant manager and i was in the back cutting stakes cutting tri-tips cutting up meat for the night's dinner rush and this little bitty tiny girl come walking through and she's pinning her little braids yeah they wear those little braids and she's bobby pinning it as she goes by and she goes by watch her go by and so the first thought through my mind when i first saw what was to become my future wife was this isn't a place of business this is a daycare they just keep getting younger and younger i did i looked 12. but i looked very young and so we weren't in the we didn't i don't think we had a single conversation we no we worked together we didn't even work together really we worked in two different sections yeah and then um it was only maybe a couple of months excuse me and um it was only maybe a couple of months that we worked together together and uh then he quit and he left and our our lives were completely different like i was raised completely different than he was um and he went up north alaska to i went above the arctic circle the fort yukon spent the winter with some folks and you know when i saw him at the steakhouse he always had his white button-up shirt on and a tie i think you guys wore a tie yeah i had to wear a tie yeah he had his hair calm then he was always well kept while he left for the entire winter came back months later this was may um and i was in the restaurant taking my mother out to eat for mother's day and he came in and he had his denim coat on and he grown his scruffy beard out and his hair was not combed you know and it was it was long and and he didn't even look like the same person i did not recognize him at all and he called me a a nickname or something and it caught my attention i think it was like short stuff yeah it was something i was like who's this calling me and i i remembered him and i thought now i could go out with someone like that because you know he was he was a handsome good-looking rugged young guy and anyway he had a a bike well we had we had i had come in a few times when i came back i had come in a few times before we went out i guess i guess you had before that yeah and and then i had when that night was that afternoon she was working a shift and her mom was in for mother's day dinner and i had bought a new motorcycle i had got the facts mixed up i had a honda magna v45 and so i asked her i said what time you get off work you want to go for a ride on my new motorcycle and uh of course i said and she said yes so she finished up what she was doing and uh right right put that helmet on rushed her mama through the mail and pushed her out the door and uh so our first date was a motorcycle ride in seldom alaska at night in the rain for four hours we just rolled the motorcycle around all around we went to any kenai people back sourdough south back the old original sourdough sauce we went in there and had big the big cinnamon rolls cinnamon rolls yeah we got one of those so that was our first date and so i had you know i had dated really nice girls before uh that had come from the kind of family that i was raised in and and i always knew that i was not a picket fence kind of guy and uh so i it but when she our first date when i said this girl can hang i mean she's right there just enjoyed a motorcycle ride in the rain at night for four hours i'm like i believe this is a girl that can keep up with me and so we started dating that was our first date and that that definitely goes into some of the questions um how do i find the right person for me it you know it came across several times in different forms but that that question was was there and there's no right answer for that i think but i mean like um you find somebody that's compatible right yeah i mean like we we were compatible we enjoyed being around each other we weren't the same we we're complete opposite still to this day um but you you know we work with that and and it's not been easy it's not been an easy marriage we've had our difficulties but we don't air that part of our lives we don't air dirty laundry on here you guys think a lot of you guys may think um oh how do i have a perfect marriage you know how do i have a marriage like you do well you're not gonna have a marriage like we do we're different than you are and there's no secret i don't believe there's a secret to a happy marriage now there's the communication you have to have a communication you should be friends you know you should like each other not just love each other but um it's work and determination and when we started dating we we actually only dated for about a month and then we broke up and then um two or three months later got back together and started seriously dating with the thought of marriage i mean it was three or four weeks you proposed and i i think for me it was the qualities that i found in him were what i needed um i needed that i needed some security in my life and he provided a security to me that i needed i didn't i wasn't raised with a dad um you know and and my relationship with my mom was not good and i i was a mess and i needed some stability and security in my life and he provided that uh for me i think on your side of it was i was a companion a friend somebody who you tell your side i don't want to put the words she has always been she's a very tender person she's a very nurturing person she's a very respectful person and the people who come to class will tell you that she's like that she brings she brings the a she brings a humanity that especially back in that day i did not have and uh so if girls if i may okay if i may swim upstream against current thought all right uh young ladies out there say i want a good strong dependable hard-working man that is secure that will make me feel secure okay so it's a man i mean we can say that so you would like a man all right enough of these um soft feminized uh boys that are looking for a mother to replace their mother you want a man well there's two sides to that okay as a man as a man i have all the manhood that i need all right i'm not gay right all right so when i go looking when i went looking for a spouse i wasn't looking for another guy i didn't need a guy all right yeah and so why do i need a manly woman what i was looking for to complete me was not more manhood all right i already had all the manhood i need what i didn't have was womanhood i did not have that that heart and that tenderness and and that compassion and that that so i can bring one thing to the marriage but i found a partner who could bring the other side of the marriage and you feminism is teaching girls these days to stomp around like men with her chest stuck out saying i can do anything i can do that and you wonder why you can't find a good man because you don't appeal to him he doesn't need a man he needs a woman and and it's not a shame it's not a detriment it's not being walked on to be a woman you you are something magical that a man cannot be however much he tries to feminize himself he can't be a woman i i don't care all right i'm not even talking about all this lgbtq stuff i'm not talking about that all right i'm talking about us i'm talking about you ladies that are looking for a man well the man's looking for a lady all right and it's way out of fashion these days but be a lady all right be a lady and if i may being a lady excuse me being a lady doesn't mean um you don't have a voice you know you don't that you can't be yourself that you can't be strong i mean you've told me that i'm strong right and i do i do think i'm a strong woman but i'm not i'm not strong a strong woman today's standard when you say that you know you think feminism but that's not i don't want to be like that i want to be a lady i i desire for him to desire me why would i want him to look at me and think well she's a manly woman you know i mean i wasn't created women were not created to do everything that a man can can do women were created to do everything a man cannot do and that's where i came in and we completed each other in that aspect and it wasn't easy it wasn't always easy but you know to work it's a choice to get married yeah you know you make a choice to get married and in most instance instances it's a choice to get divorced now i know i know there's some really nasty situations and there's some really nasty people out there and people get into situations they have no choice in i understand that and i'm not taking that away i'm not putting that on anybody okay i'm just talking about couples who get to a point they're like this is too hard this isn't fun all the bubbles and sparkles and rainbows are gone i think i just want to start over again and we've had times like that we've had that we've been we've been closer to divorce um than anybody around us knows or will ever know but it's like you wake up the next morning and you're like no we're not quitting we're going to sit down and hammer this out and we're going to put in the work and we'll do what needs to be done and what you have to do is i have to look at myself and say what am i contributing to this conflict that i can change not what is she doing to make this marriage hard i can't change her stop trying to change your spouse change yourself and a lot of times a lot of times eventually your spouse will see the change that you're making and maybe they'll meet you halfway and try to change themselves exactly but too many times trying to fix a marriage that's on the rocks is us trying to fix what we see in our spouse that's causing the trouble well it's a two-way street it's a two-way street mostly again i know there's the ugliness out there and i'm not blaming anybody for that not taking that away but just two people that are butting heads it takes two to tango fix yourself and it's a process it's a process i know tv and movies we go an hour and a half everything's good we have conflict we have the climax of the story the conflict is resolved and we all live happily ever after that's bogus that don't work it's a marathon it's not a spread that's what i was fixing to say you said it's a marathon not a sprint and look at yourself you know there's been times when i've had to stop and say why is this so hard well look at myself am i a likable person am i his friend am i like you can't like somebody that's not likable and if if you're not a likable person why would he like me or or vice versa if i'm not a likable person and am i so many times i see these couples that are married for years and they're so mean to each other they just think well i'm married to him and he can't leave me so i'm just gonna be a you know don't make me bring out the swear jar no i i mean you know i'm gonna be mean i mean they they just take it out on each other and and that's not love it's not caring about each other and it doesn't make you a better person listen you you've got to respect your spouse as a human being just as much you've got to respect your neighbor or the person now in the store respect them as a human being treat them with courtesy dignity deference oh so anyhow enough of that preaching yeah all right so speaking of this yes this is a question that came up over the last 31 years of marriage what is the one subject that we have been in conflict about the most it would be raising the children the children the standards how we raised the children now we we never fought over money i know that's a problem a lot of people have but um when we got married like i said she's six years younger than i am and she didn't there were some difficulties and some holes in her upbringing okay uh when we got married she didn't know how to balance the checkbook she didn't know how to pay electric bill she didn't know how to cook she didn't know how to do laundry she didn't so i took over the finances and stuff right from the beginning so i always handle the money and the other thing is we sat down this is going to be a question in this modern day and age we sat down a lot of stuff we talked out before we ever got married all right you need to figure out who's the head of the house this is real unpopular all right we have livestock raised on a farm on a ranch animals and whatnot any animal that's born with two heads is a freak and it's not gonna survive okay it's not gonna do well so you need to sit down beforehand you make your decisions you discuss everything else you make your decisions but you can't always make the decisions together because you're not always to agree 100 so there has to come a point where somebody has to has to have that final say all right and we talked about this and determine this before the marriage ever started the other thing that we talked about and determined was we sit down we talked and she wanted to be a mother she wanted to be a wife and i respected that and i told her when we started out i said look if you want to get a job and work you can do that i'm not one of these guys that says no i'm going to chain you to the kitchen stove um if you want to work and get a job you can do that but if you want to be a wife and a mother and stay home i will support you right and he did he supported me she did not she never got a job till after the last kid was gone she had a job for a short time and then she decided this is good for me i don't want to do this i would like to say yes that i when i wanted to become a mother that that is a full-time job and you know there's a for years there was a um it was hard for a lot of stay-at-home moms you know they never got the um respect respect for their job the appreciation and now it's a little more out there now more more husbands and fathers are getting more involved in that and stuff but you know it is a full-time job so why would i want to add to that by getting a job if i had a job outside the home i still have my inside my home job i still have my job getting up in the morning getting the kids together and getting their lunches made and sending them out the door and going all the school functions and everything it takes and then getting home and fixing dinner and then cleaning up and then bathing everybody and i mean it is a full-time job why would i want to add to that by getting a job outside the home so i can be manly or providing for the family so i can feel equal yeah does that make sense not this was the choice that she made that's what i'm saying and that's what i wanted to do but that choice was made together right before the marriage and that's what you need to do and that's that's what you need and we we she we homeschooled the kids it was not easy all right she had quit school how old were you when you quit school i was 17 17. i was dropped out and so when i asked her what when we got engaged um later on uh we set the date down the road yeah like a year and she she wanted to get married sooner i wanted out of the house and to start my life and everything yeah and he provided that for me so i told her i said we'll get married on this date if you'll go back and finish school right you need to graduate just not that the diploma has done her any good out in there but it's like you need to finish you don't you need to have that accomplishment right um so she went back and finished high school and it's not easy homeschooling um it's it's not easy but we looked at the public school system which was not near as bad as it is today and we said we don't want to we don't want to subject our children to that and uh so i mean that was and that added to the work you know um and but it was but the point is not that you need to do this you need to do that but the point is that for the marriage and we talked about it we said listen if this is what we both want this is what i want this is what you want and if we can't come to an agreement before the marriage then we need to not get married right this is not something we need to figure out and fight about after we said get married all right because i took very seriously she took we both did i stood up i stood up in front of all our family and friends and before god and vow to vow till death to his partner we were not going to get divorced okay thick and thin sickness and hell better or worse without a vow and vowing the vowel is not a light thing and so before we vowed that vowel we made sure okay are we on the same page and there were like we talked about there were times in the marriage that vows all kept us together um but you you need to find out um you know there may not be that person out there i'm sure the person for you is out there but when you when you plan on getting married you need to find out if you're compatible you need to find out how do we want to do this how do we want to do this and and make it work and if it's not going if it's not coming together maybe that's not the one oh we did not cover a very very important point what that's right that's our liga provided number nine um i mean if we're gonna celebrate a hundred thousand subscribers i wanted to get a cigar that was worthy of the celebration and uh this is i try to keep at least two or three of these in the humidor for for celebratory times and so that's what we got out here and i've talked about them before and they are a uh a very excellent high-end cigar and i was at the cigar lounge i don't know a week or two ago and they had finally got some in and they had a limit only three per customer so i picked up three i still had i still had one in the humidor and so i picked up the three so i can keep some on him but that's i know some of you guys haven't heard a word i've said because you're like what's that cigar he's got there it's a league of provided number nine smells yeah really good mama didn't want to have a cigar this much she doesn't do them all morning she only does two or three a week and we sat here last night just the two of us uh talking up in the dark and she had a cigar last night so that's why she's not sharing one with me this morning um so we're gonna do there's questions and that's come up and we have a list of questions but we're going to probably close this one down here so it doesn't get too long um and i just this this dry creek ranger school this thing i know i'm the face that's on here it's my gums that are flapping all the time i'm the ones you guys gotta look out but it it it's a partnership and we would not be where we are we wouldn't be what we are today without both of us contributing our sides of it okay um and it just we're just gonna just carry on and continue on and we're gonna put another video out here in a little bit and address some of the other questions that come up mostly and read the questions and uh we will you know maybe read them and answer them we'll read them and answer them so anyhow wanted to uh just wanted to do this for you guys you know i hope it helped hope i answered some questions um i we're getting so much feedback from young people these days we're not like licensed counselors okay we haven't been to school we're not we're just a couple of folks that's been through life all right been through the traps been through the mud been to the mire been on the mountaintops been in the swamps been through the hard times and we're still here and if there's a little something we can do um that can give somebody up you know what there's hope and can kind of help you through a bad patch then you know we're delighted and pleased and happy to do it and if any of this doesn't work for you if you're like that's not me i don't i'm in a different place no harm no foul no offense it's just those that that something here can encourage you and help you then we're happy to do it well life experiences are the best teachers right and and we've had a lot of them and we're not perfect our marriage is not perfect our children are not we you guys see only some good sides of us yeah and we're not gonna you know show you all our all our bad qualities and our our um disagreements or the the bad side of things obviously that's not what you all want to see but there's too much of that out there people don't have enough dignity and self-respect anymore okay but the uh who we are today and where we are today is not where we started both as individuals and as a married couple it's a journey and you'll never get to the end of the journey if you quit the journey when the journey gets hard either as yourself or in a marriage okay all right so hope this helps click like if you like subscribe if you haven't hit that bell um and if you know somebody that you say you know what this will help my friend click that share button and send it over and we'll catch you guys next time

Channel: Dry Creek Wrangler School

Views: 714,456

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Id: F2u0aJybC4U

Length: 28min 36sec (1716 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 11 2022