9/11 Stories: Josh Calacanis

[Music] my september 11 story actually starts the night before because i was working in the firehouse on that monday night and um it was a funny thing because there was a uh there was a boxing match between the fdny and the nypd and i had just been a cop for almost six years and i was only seven months on the job so as the fight was going on three of my friends were actually boxing but they were on the pd side and one of the sergeants that worked in my precinct the six seven precinct was the boxing coach so these guys were my friends my brothers my co-workers and guys i knew actually from the old neighborhood that i grew up with so i was cheering for them at the night and all the guys in the firehouse was like you know you're a fireman now you got to stop cheering for the cops and stop cheering for the firemen you know so they were kind of busting my chops that night and then the following morning when i got up i had an axe to leave early because my wife had to go to work at a dentist's office she was working out in brooklyn and i had to ask the senior man to leave early which you're not supposed to do when you're a probie i was a probationary firefighter and uh they said okay no problem but we shouldn't let you leave because last night we're still mad at you you know so we kind of joked in the morning and i went to the senior man i asked him if i could leave he said absolutely just make sure you tell the boss so i told the boss i was leaving early and then i got relieved by one of the members that was coming in and i got my car and i started to drive home i was in the north side of williamsburg in engine 212 driving on the bqe back to bay ridge and it was a beautiful morning anybody who was in new york that day has their own story about this day but everybody remembers just what a perfect beautiful day it was and i couldn't wait to get home because i was going to spend the day with my daughter who was only like 18 months old i'm already getting a little you know because it's just i remember that day like you can't believe and i'm driving along the bqe and all of a sudden i look and i see a little smoke coming out of the trade center and i'm like oh my god there's a high-rise fire in the trade center so i called my wife well first i called the firehouse to say hey boys you're going to be going to manhattan there's going to be a multiple in the trade center and you know we were close to the williamsburg bridge so we went to manhattan quite often on relocations when there was big fires in manhattan they had already left so i got no answer next phone call i made was to my wife i was like yo ka i was like put on the tv there's a high-rise fire in the trade center and i said to her my exact words how stupid i said i can't believe um i left work early so you can go to work and i'm missing the job of my career she's like what are you talking about i said i would be telling our grandkids that i fought this fire in 40 years from now stupidly right just thinking that it was going to be a little small plane that hit the thing and you know we're going to go in there and save everybody and put the fire out and i would have been a part of that you know because when you're a fireman you want to be a part of that you want to be at those fires you want to do a good job that's what you train for stupidly you know and then as i'm talking to her on the phone i put on the radio 10 10 wins whatever i was listening to just real quick and i go under the manhattan bridge and the brooklyn bridge and now i'm coming out through the promenade but i can't see the trade center anymore and all of a sudden she goes where the air for you i was like i'm under the brooklyn bridge she said another plane just said it's a terrorist attack and at that moment she saw what a lot of people saw on tv which was the second trade center getting hit and the explosion and i came out from under the brooklyn bridge on the promenade which is the actual best place in the entire world to see the new york city skyline and i saw in front of me what was absolute hell i saw a split second after the second plane hit the south tower the whole thing just in an explosion and i just everybody just stopped the cause it was just like shaking like all you could feel you could feel just the tension that just happened in that moment and then everybody just looked and then looked around at each other in the cars and we just started creeping slowly to get home so it took me a little while to get home because everybody was slowing down and i got off on the hamilton avenue exit and i pulled down and i was going to take the streets home because i was like i can't stay on the highway no more because i got to get home and as i got to like 20th street i stopped at a red light on third avenue under the gowanus and i could see some papers coming down that had like burning papers like from the trade center that's how far the debris was falling already and i just remember being like oh my god this is this is crazy so i get home i park my car i get out of my car and one of my neighbors jackie is walking up the street and i'm like yo jackie and she was in the miller street eight months pregnant two-year-old twins she just had you know just had um and she says you to go find donald you got to go find donald and i'm like what do you mean i got to go find donald she's like he's in the trade center he went to work early he had to do some deals he went to work early and he just told one of his um he was on the phone with somebody from london i believe and he said listen call my wife because i guess they're real close those guys like we are everybody in business kind of knows he's like call my wife tell her how to get out of the building there's smoke in the building that's the last she heard she didn't hear from him directly she heard from somebody else that called him she's like you got to go down there and find donald you got to go find donald and i was like all right jackie i'll do the best i can and i literally just got out of my car so i bring her into my house i sit her on the island get her a glass of water i was like where are your kids she's like they're home i ran across the street just to check on the kids for two seconds they were two years old then her son donald jr had just had open heart surgery like a year before so she'd been through a lot already you know and i was like all right the kids are cool one of the neighbors came out and um checked on them and as i was on the way out one of my neighbors who was a fireman said yo josh the tower just fell or something like that and i was like i wasn't really like thinking what he said was true and i was like what like the south wall was like what are you talking about he said the whole effing thing and i was just like i just froze and i was like what do i do now he's like go back to work i was like yo man i work in 212. i can't get back to williamsburg he's like go to the closest firehouse go down to 241 109. and i'm like all right so i go back into my house and uh i just look at the tv for a second like i can't believe what i'm seeing you know and just just to back up for a second just to tell you about donald he worked for candy fitzgerald and sunday night two nights before 9 11 he rang my belt because my car was parked in a way that if i backed up a little bit he could park his car for the night and you know when you grew up in brooklyn parking spots with a premium just to give you a little story about how much i love this guy and i was like yeah sure of course i moved my car back so i moved my car back he blocks his car he's like oh man he was so excited because something happened at his work where all his guys at his desk got a raise and he was doing some renovations in his house and he was like you want to beer so we crack a beer we sit in the hood of my car he's like yo he's like i just ordered a viking stove i got the sub z fridge i upgraded all my you know all my stuff he's like i gotta raise at work he's like you know he was really just hitting it on all cylinders you know what i mean he just finished building a house of mine talk with his dad for his family just like the most beautiful person in the world you know breaks my heart so anyway i come back home i see jackie she's bugging out and i'm like it's gonna be all right don't worry about it you know so with that i'm like okay i gotta go to work and she was like what like that fear i was like i gotta go and at that point on the ticker on the bottom of the tv screen it said all new york city police firefighter first responders must report back to work and i was like yo i gotta go when i look on her face like you ain't going down there like that was the look you know what i mean and i was like i gotta go and i i did something to myself that i always used to do when i went to work as a cop i always check money keys wallet gun and i did that to myself like that was because i did that for six years every day when i got up and go to work and i went money keys wallet and i had no gun because i had this thing in my head like we're under attack and i need a gun and i was because i had this vision in my head that terrorists were going to come out of the train stations you know what i mean and i was like i got to be protected you know and i just didn't have it and i just remember feeling like i'm going down into this war zone right now and i don't have my peace you know what i mean i know it sounds crazy to you but that's the way i was thinking like a cop because that was my default setting right i was a cop for six years that was my business i was only a fireman for seven months and you know i was only in the street actually in the firehouse since july 25th so that was only like six weeks i was a fireman you know anyway i kissed my wife goodbye look at my daughter and i was like i just gotta go get in the car i drive down i find a spot i go to the firehouse i walk in the door i don't know what to do really you know i packed a little bag with my cell phone and some t-shirt and some shorts or whatever and i had my backpack and i was the first lieutenant i saw the first boss i saw i was like yo lieutenant what's up man my name is josh calacanis i'm a pro being 212. i'm here to help and i don't know what to do and he was like go downstairs get yourself a set of gear you'll be my doorman so he had a four-man engine which means there's an officer a chauffeur uh nozzle man backup and control the knives they didn't have the doorman so they had an extra position on his rig so i was like okay no problem so i looked at the gear racks on the apparatus floor and there was nothing left everybody everybody just grabbed stuff and went so i went to the basement and i got an old pair of roll ups like the old timers used to wear that had these big hooks on them that you pull up the boots and an old rubber coat and a 109 helmet you know but i wasn't my company and an old pair of gloves and that was my gear and i came back upstairs and i was like all right man i'm ready to go he's like oh i get your gear on the rig and it was it was an engine from staten island that was acting 241 so they were acting 241 because 241 already went down to the trade center so we had one run in bay ridge a guy fell off a roof and had a compound fracture whatever so we handled that business and then we got back to the firehouse and um there was a guy walking around the firehouse from that company and i you know his name was eddie now that i i know him later on in life and he was walking around the firehouse and like really really upset and watching the tv and then going into the kitchen and walking around and it round up that his wife was working down there that day so he was just you know as anybody would be just like you could just feel it you know i mean that the terror and the sadness in his heart like you just was palpable you know and i'll never forget that and and then the second tower came down and it was like crazy so with that outside of the firehouse there had just been droves and droves of people walking back into bay ridge because bay ridge is a town where most people work in the city you know the neighborhood and i just seen people walking from the city back into bay ridge and then there was a bus outside never forget this there was a bus outside and there was a transit supervisor that was coordinating buses to pick up guys and bring them down to the trade center and one one of the bus drivers was like bugging out a little bit he was like i can't drive this bus i'm not going down there and the supervisor said i'm ordering you to take this bus down to the trade center with these firemen and he's like i can't do it and he and he and he got out of the bus and the transit guy looks around and it's fine and this is like how far i'm at some guy says i can drive anything the guy says can you drive a bus he goes i can drive anything he puts him in the bus he gives them a tutorial about how to drive the bus the doors are open and closed and the lights are going on and off the air brakes and he's like all right take these guys down there good luck god bless you and off they went he's firemen and the bus just went down so with that the bells go off for us now we're gonna act 10 engine so i think it was 153 if i remember correctly so we're 153 acting 241 now at 241 acting 10 engines so we have to go down and cover the downtown area on radio runs you know not we weren't assigned to go to the trade center yet we were acting 10 engine because they were still getting runs with people trapped so we get on the rig and we take the bqe and we're coming over to the manhattan bridge and they were just droves and droves of people coming over the bridge out of the city some people all full of dust other people crying people you know making the sign of the cross giving us prayer hands you know you could just feel the intensity of the moment the closer we got you know and like i said i was just brand new in this business and i didn't know anybody on the rig not one guy one guy i knew his brother and i knew i didn't know him but i knew his brother so there was a little connection so i was with guys i didn't know with no time on the job not knowing anything of my craft yet you know fire service there's a lot to know and i didn't know anything and so we get down now now we're going through maybe park row we took something like that and now we get a run they're like okay 153 acting 10 engine we got people trapped in one water street so we head down to one water street and it was like nowhere near the trade center so the boss gets on the radio and says yeah you know we checked it out real quick everything was cool we ran into some security guards they were like everybody's out of the building it's cool so we get another run and it was to 114 liberty street which is just up the block from 10 and 10 which is literally you know 500 feet from the trade center i don't know but on that block and uh they were we got people trapped on the 10th floor so he says okay we take the run in now as we get closer to the trade center there's really less and less navigation there's less and less area we could actually drive through because there was cop cars fire engines and fire trucks and you know ambulances and people's personal cars it was just a crazy chaotic scene so anyway the shelter did an amazing job getting as close as he possibly could and the boss is like okay boys we gotta walk from here so we grab some tools and we get off the rig and i'm just playing follow the leader because i don't really know what i'm doing you know and i'm just kind of looking my spidey spent sense is tingling because i'm like thinking that there's going to be terrorists coming out at any minute you know and i got a halogen in my hand and i'm just ready to like you know take cover and you know if my mind was in cop mode it was weird it was like you know it's a crazy thing happening in my head you know so anyway we're walking and we finally get to liberty and we make a left um from i guess church and then we get to the building and there's a car rolled up covering the door so we had to climb over the car to get into the lobby and the boss was an amazing dude and i wish i i don't even know who any of these guys are anymore to this day which is crazy and he was just like listen i'm taking the senior guy and me and him are gonna go we're gonna walk to the top and we're gonna come down you guys stay here if you don't if you don't hear from us i can i don't know i think it was like 10 minutes if he gives like a timetable he's like then come up and start making your way up and they went up and i was like please god let these guys come down alive and they went up because no one still knew what was going on and they went up and they did a search and they came down and they cleared the building we got up stuff we packed up we jumped back over the car we got back to the rig and then they were they were like okay you gotta go back down to like bowling bowling green you know where the bulls at so we went down to bowling green and we stopped and we were waiting for another radio run and then i could see the frustration and the boss is like we got to get off this rig and stop start operating you know this is this they need our help over here you know what i mean and i think he got on the radio and he was like we're going to go find a hydrant or something and it winds up we navigate our way and we get to wreck the street and we stop in front of 40 rector street i remember that building it was where ccrb was a civilian complaint review board and uh a guy comes out of the building from 40 rector and he was like we got two bodies on the roof and i was like oh man and the boss said are they dead are they alive and the guy's like they're definitely dead he's like all right i'm gonna make a note of it he's like we gotta we gotta we gotta try to get the people that are alive i just remember saying that i was like oh this is crazy step off the rig right on rector and west and the first thing i took two steps and i stepped on the torso somebody's body poof and i'm just like whoa it was just horrifying you know what i mean he's like you gotta check hydrant so everybody grabbed a hydro wrench and i went to check a hydrant real quick and literally there was like hardly any water coming out definitely certainly not enough pressure to operate and i was like yo boss i got nothing over here another guy went this way and then in the distance i see a cop car coming through the smoke up west street and i'm like oh man it's you know just whatever just kind of stuck in my mind you know that cop thing again and uh it stops right in front of me and it's from the six seven it's from my old precinct and out of the car steps my boy maddie that we we grew up together as kids in the schoolyard and we were partners and street narcotics so i work with this i grew up with this kid i worked with him like i said before maddie gets out he's like yo stumpy my nickname was stopping because i was so short and everybody at work was so tall and he's like you okay and i'm like maddie i'm like i just i just got here man he's like and out of the car comes an old chief that i knew and his son was our partner in street narcotics mr ritchie's and he gets out of the car and i'm like hey mister i call him mr richie's because i know his son's like he's not a chief to me he's someone's dad you know and i'm like hey mr richie what's up man he was like i could see the severity in his face man he's like yo did you see jimmy today and i was like i just got here man he's like he was working in four engine now four engine is right on wall street their second due to trade center you know i mean they were the first guys into that building probably second guy's in and i was like i was like i got i didn't see him yeah man i just got him i'm so sorry and his wife was in the car in a cop car too and i just was i seen the fear in her face and again these are people that i love i was a partner with his brother timmy his brother danny became a fireman at 114 with me his brother tommy was covered as a lieutenant at 114 later on in life i mean this is a this is a family like everybody's family that day just really good beautiful people you know that were just thrown into this thing you know and anyway he's like all right he's like maddie take my wife home he's like josh be careful and he was in gym sure he was a very athletic guy you know good-looking and sneakers and he was like i'm going to look for jimmy and he literally just ran north on west street into the smoke and gone and i was just like and then maddie looked at me and like you know we've been through some stuff you know in the pd and he looked at me that and we always like to joke because we kept it light but there was no joking in his face man he looked at me and he was like it's don't be he said be careful bro i love you man and then he took this is richie's home and they dipped out and i was like like that was just incredible impactful moment of what exactly was going on here you know so after that the boss is like all right boys we got to jump on a rig we got to get a hydrant so we get on the rig the chauffeur again i don't know who this guy was where he is now but and his boss and the other guys in that rig i thanked him for keeping me alive that day this choker did an amazing job he wound up getting on greenwich and carlisle which is right around the corner from the trade center really and then the deutsche bank building goes down the street and he gets a hydro we got to work in hydrant so now we're good right we're fine we got a rig we got water you know we could operate we could help you know so one of the first things that happened was we took that hydrant and it was just a chaotic scene and the boss said listen i'm gonna go find a chief and check in and just let them know that we're here we're set up because everything at that point the radios were down and no one was really had any transmissions and everything was done by a runner you know what i mean like someone just run and go get information and come back and then give you an order so so one of the first things that happened was um the deutsche bank fire had a gaping hole in it probably 20 stories long you know from from the trade center crashing into it and they wanted to maintain the integrity of that building from what i can understand about the business then and you know just i know more about it now than i did then and the boss disappears and he comes back and he says okay boys get your gear on get your roll-ups we're going into the deutsche bank building now i had seen the deutsche bank building and i had seen the hole in it and i was like i can't believe we're going to go into this building so he's like we all do our thing we get our gear we get the roll-ups and what we had to do was we had to meet in the front and there was a little pow-wow a couple of chiefs and they gave like an all hands assignment which was like three engines and two trucks and what they did was we were the first engine to go down and we had to go down to the fifth sub cellar the absolute bottom of the deutsche bank building that was already half torn apart you know parts of it on fire to put out the fires in the sub-cellar to maintain the integrity of building so that doesn't fall down on people so we do our thing the chiefs are like listen you got a mask up in the street we had to put our tanks on you know scott pax on in the street because the the ceo was so high coming out of that building for whatever reason that it was like you know it was a deathly rate outside so you know he's like when we get close to the building i want you guys to to mask up and then you know you're only going to have 15 minutes operating time and then i want you to head out you know because you only have a certain amount of time with your scout facts you know so we all gather and then i remember seeing this dude joe who's like a crazy dude from the neighborhood that used to come to the high school parties and stuff he was a big dude and he was from his truck company that was dan he was like the only guy i knew so far that i saw that i knew you know but even a little bit besides mr mitch's obviously and maddie and i was like yo joe what's up he's like yo bro be careful man like i just saw that like here's a crazy guy funny guy that i knew from the neighborhood and he was like you know just be careful josh he's like be careful i'm like you too joe man and they were the first new truck so they went down before us we followed them and as we're going down i don't have a flashlight i only got these old rubber roller boots you know my gear is just you know old stuff and we're just going down lower and lower and lower into the darkness and at the fourth sub seller was the last standpipe outlet so we had to hook up to that and then take the flake out the line into the fifth some seller so as we're on the way down i just remember i said god i'm gonna close my eyes and when i opened them put a badge on my chest and i got on my head because i don't know what i'm doing as a client i feel useless i feel stupid you know what i mean i was a good cop you know but i didn't know [ __ ] about the fighting part i'm sorry to say that but it's true you know when you're that young in the job you just don't know what to do you just following the leader and of course i opened my eyes and i was still there then i closed them again to go down the next one seller and i was like god pardon me i said if you get me through this i'll be the best husband and father to my children son to my parents brother to my brothers that i could possibly be for the rest of my life you know i was like that's scared you know what i mean it was the only time in my life i was ever that scared like i might not make it out of here you know but again i just said my prayers and followed the leader and when we got down there it was like just dark and weird you know and it was really it's hard to explain it was like just this like scene from a movie and there was a little bit of smoke here a little bit of darkness there no light and i was just following the guy ahead of me because he had a flashlight but you have to spread out on the line so you could flake it out properly in case you got to fight a fire you know so i'm just trying to maintain my distance from the guy in front of me and i'm just watching his flashlight but every kind of 10-15 feet there's another room so he's making a turn so i just got to and the water's coming up higher and higher like it was at my ankles and then it was a little higher because all the water from you know all the hoses and stuff was just coming down to the basement obviously and i just keep moving and i make another turn and i make another turn and finally we wind up all in the same room and there was a little pocket of fire and i remember the guy said okay i'm just going to open up and he opened up the nozzle and literally there had to be like 10 pounds of pressure when you're supposed to have 200 pounds and it was just like a not a weak hose in your garden you know and he was literally taking the water and flicking it at the fire that was burning you know it wasn't raging inferno but it was in the fire where he had to put water on it and he was just throwing the water on you know and he put that out and then we made a move to another room and the same thing and then all of a sudden [Music] that's your vibe alert going off like you know we got like six minutes of exit time you know and they were like the boss like okay boys we got to wrap this up and then they had already like this is why the fire department is amazing like they already strategized to have units in place to back us up so immediately you know when we were running out of air we would be coming back up and they would be coming back down it was like it was like seamless and that was one of the first times that i really felt like you know this is i was just incredibly amazed at how professional these guys are even in chaos you know and then obviously me i'm part of this right but you know i didn't really know what i was doing but i was just following and i was incredibly amazed at how organized and professional and courageous these firemen were that of course i was a part of but they just blew my mind you know and then sure enough everybody's looking after each other okay we're gonna wrap it up we met up the stairs okay you ready you ready okay we got everybody good and then the other company that believed this came down and then as a man handed the nozzle say okay we had a little fire in the rooms to the right there might be something left in the back to the left we we did that area exchanging information boom and then we went up truck went up we got out went back to the rig took a breath there was a grocery store right next to where the rig was parked like three little steps up to it so we all kind of just sat on the steps a little bit you know gathered ourselves together um you know reorganized a little bit and then and then the boss went again back to some command post that he found which was right by ten house which is on the corner of liberty and greenwich and he got orders to do another operation so i forget what the second thing we did was but a little later on in the evening we um we had a we had a stretch a hose line to feed 79 truck has a towel out of there from staten island but they were parked right on the corner of greenwich and liberty as i remember and we had to stretch a three and a half inch hose line to supply that tower ladder so they could start operating and put out the fires that were burning on the pile you know and um we did that so we got all the hoes together and we were dragging hose down but we we brought too much so we hooked up the tower ladder and everything and then we had to bring some back and we were all just like banged up and beat up and we dragged the hose back we packed it back on the rig and then a short while later we had to stretch a hand line into where they were extricating the two port authority cops and this is incredible because i watched steve's thousand story the other day and he ran into the same guy that i ran into in his story which is totally crazy so anyway now we have to take a hand line and stretch it off of 79's talarata that was you know probably 40 60 feet over the pile and hook up to that and stretch off of that into the pile to get another hand line it was probably like the fifth hand line to bring in to help put out the fires around those two port authority cops they were trying to extricate for hours you know and um this is just this is a story that haunts me to this day because i made a big big error i made a big mistake but it is what it is and i have to just say it you know so as we're stretching the line in we have to climb up a ladder on top of the pile and then we have to go down into a gully and down up another ladder and then down into a gully because it was just a massive pile of twisted metal and burning debris and you know insanity so we do that and we're getting there and we're getting there and we're getting there and as we get like pretty deep in um i see a guy from 212 from my company and i hadn't seen anybody from my company and i just want to back up for a minute when i went to the firehouse initially and i saw that first lieutenant he said listen you're my guy i'm responsible for you but if you see your guys your engine company you see guys in 212 and you want to operate with them he's like just let me know and that's cool go be with them you know what i mean because there was so much to do you know you know he was just figuring if you see you guys work with your guys but you're my guy right now and i said no problem so what happened was i did see this guy zoo and and and stout said zeus it's so i can't believe he saw him and he actually helped him out to the ambulance after he got out extricating those two cops from port authority anyway i see zoo he's the first guy i saw and i'm like hey zoo as i'm going past him he's like josh you're all right i'm like yeah man and he was looking out for me being a probie and he was like did you hear about 212. and like i just saw those guys in the morning that morning you remember when i left the firehouse and i was waiting to hear some goodies like they're on the missing list and i'm like oh my gosh i did a mutual which everybody does in the fire department so the guy who was working for me you know i could have been working that day you know what i mean i made him work that day because i had to go to work you know my wife had to go to work so i couldn't work that day so i made him work that day pretty much and i think what do you mean on the mission list he's like they're on the missing list so i just remember being like feeling like this incredible pain of sorrow you know i mean like oh my god i got i might have killed this guy you know what i mean like because he works for me you know and in that two-minute talk whatever i got distracted and the guys were gone the guys i was with were gone and here i am in this middle of this insanity you know i don't know 200 yards into the pile and four stories up in the air and i lost my team you know because of my error and i crawled up i tried to follow the hose line but the hose line stopped moving so i crawled up i said dude i got to go so i crawled up and i got to a point where there was things going in different directions i didn't see my guys and i was like if i go any further and something happens to me the guys i was with don't know where i'm at and zoo don't know where i'm at i was just like by myself in this space and i'm just like i can't believe i have this up and i'm lost i just felt so bad and i was like you know what the only thing i could do is just i got to go back to zoo because at least he knows who i am i know who he is we can watch out for each other gossip if something happens so i crawled my way back to zoo and he's like dude he's like just stay here operate with me we got a ton of things to do you know i mean you could be useful just here so we're digging and passing up stuff and you know on this conga line of people and operations and you know doing work you know digging for people and all of a sudden just a little breeze wafted through where the smoke cleared just for a brief moment and one of the senior guys in that area where we were operating looks up and it was i think it was five world trade and it looked like a birthday cake cut in half and opened up like you could see every layer of that building and all the office furniture because the front was off partially and we were really close to that building and if that thing came down we were it was over for all of us you know and i don't necessarily know that anybody knew how close we were to that building because of all the smoke you couldn't see nothing you know and all of a sudden one of the senior guys was like yo chief and there was a chief in charge of the operation there he said yo chief look over your right shoulder man and the chief looks over his right shoulder and it was just ominous you know this big building you know i don't know how many stories it was 10 15 20 i don't know sliced down opened up he's like i just want you to we can't leave he's like but i just want you to know that we're operating and maybe you should come up with some sort of exit strategy you know what i mean gossip where this thing comes down and i just again it was a moment like man these guys are good they really they really know what they're doing and anyway it winds up i stay with zoo we operate and the guys come back and then i find them and i'm like i'm so sorry you know don't worry about it whatever and they were cool with me and i just felt like i really you know just made a wrong move and a bad decision and i was just happy that i was reconnected with them even though i was embarrassed of myself and i carry that with me today like i still am just so embarrassed about that moment and i feel bad but whatever i got to work through it i hope i didn't disappoint them and you know whatever but they come back but it was i was so elated to see them again that they knew i was all right you know i mean and i know they were all right so we get back to the rig and at the time i was working for my brother's company he had a magazine in the city called silicon alley reporter and my mother worked there and my brother worked there and my other brother was the owner jason and they all worked together and i was the facilities manager so we were renovating this old garment district um sweatshop basically on 36th street into an office space for him and i was doing that with him you know and he gave me a next cell phone we all had next towns and the cell service was terrible if you remember it all went down and no one could call anybody but for whatever reason i have no idea the next hell was working so after every evolution we get back to the rig and we'd have really get our eyes you know cleaned out by ems and you know take a little oxygen because at that point it was a little later in the evening and you know there was some some continuity you know what i mean there was some equipment there there was some people there you know what i mean and and it was you know it was it was more organized you know a little later on in the day you know still chaotic but a little more organized and we come back and everybody would take the cell phone and call their loved ones you know what i mean i call my wife i'm okay and everybody's cracking up on the phone you know like almost he's like am i right honey it's okay you know what i'm saying and uh after that we were running out of fuel and the boss was like okay we're gonna need fuel i heard there's a fuel delivery on west street and i'm like all right i'll go because i'm the junior guy i'm not a part of the company i was like i'll go and he's like all right so i go now i go north on greenwich i bang a left on albany down to west street and for whatever reason albany street was kind of like very quiet and desolate and only one block away was the trade center so it was like a weird erie there was nobody on that street but on the right hand side i think it was 90 west it's an old building on the corner that's built out of stone i mean it's you know it's a beautiful old building and i just remember almost every floor or every other floor was on fire and on the left side was another office building a little newer and every like fifth floor there was a multiversal which is basically a portable high stream caliber um apparatus to use to you know get a high stroke a high volume stream of water to an area and there was multiversals like every five floors shooting water across the street into that building to try to keep those fires at bay so i'm walking through this cavern of like just chaos and water shooting this way and fire going that way and ashes coming down and i and i get down to west street and i saw 114 rig which i wanted to transferring into and working for 11 years there and i see their rig and i was like wow my god 114 is down here little did i know that one of my they survived one of my best friends was on that rink and i'm like oh my god now i'm worried about these guys and i get down there and i'm looking and i can't find where i'm asking you know where the fuel's at we know what it feels at and it's over there it's over there it's over there and then i get down to like an area just past where 114 rig was and i seen a pickup truck it's like crazy confinement they're just genius they're geniuses there's a pickup truck and it's loaded with five gallon water bottles but they're filled with diesel fuel for the rigs with electrical tape on top it was loaded with them you know and then there was a line of guys that just stand online and you wait and you get one or two of them you know and uh i got a thing full of diesel fuel so i throw it on my shoulder and now i got a thing full of diesel fuel on my shoulder and i'm walking back through this you know crazy this you know when i get back to the rig and we fill up the rig and uh we did a couple of different operations after that and it was getting later later in the night and then at one point we took a blow and i was gonna say it's about two or three o'clock in the morning and i was sitting with my head down like everybody took a blow in it because you could you could only do so much before the small cartoon you couldn't breathe no more you know what i mean so whatever we all just took a blow for a second and i just remember leaning down and i couldn't see [ __ ] because my eyes were caked up i couldn't breathe and i just was like catching my breath trying to think about okay just get ready for the next thing they asked us to do and all of a sudden from my right side like coming up north from the south end of of greenwich i hear like this rumble and like it's like guys talking and noise and things clanging and banging but it's getting closer and closer it's almost like a like an army like a guy's marching anyway i don't really pay much attention to it but it's getting closer and all of a sudden boom guys start we're here i can't even we're here brother we're here we're here to help you i'll be banging you on my shoulder i mean 50 guys hit me in the shoulder to the point that my shoulder was broke it was all the hard hats and i have nothing but respect for these guys it was the iron workers the steam fitters the plumbers the electricians all the tradesmen they built these buildings man these they were so proud of us these guys have such pride in their in their craft you know i mean i idolize these guys you know and if i didn't do this for a living i'd probably be doing that and they were just like we got your brother we're here to help you we don't know how to cut steel apart you know what i mean we don't know you know we know how to rescue people we know how to put out fires we don't have to do a lot of things but this was bigger than whatever we could do you know what i mean and we needed these guys and they must have mustered up somewhere you know what i mean they came on buses and they were literally so energized it was like a breath of fresh air it was like the cavalry was here you know what i mean we got you we're here we're gonna help you we love you oh american flags on their helmets you know these guys got pride you know i just remember in that moment i was like i'm so proud to be a new yorker you know what i mean like i am so freaking proud to be a part of this department which of course now i cherish and i had an amazing career i'm retired now but i love it so much you know i can't even tell you and just that pride of those guys when they came marching through man it was just amazing you know shelley it was just incredible so they passed us and then we might have done one or two things like operate a little bit digging or something and then the boss says all right boys we're getting relieved we're gonna take up but the rig had shut down for some reason maybe you want to conserve fuel because we only got five gallons of fuel you know so the shovel goes to start the rig and the rig don't start now you know we were relieved you know it was late in the evening there was going to be another rig to replace us so we could take our rig home and it doesn't start so i don't know nothing about you know fire engines you know but i was like yo maybe if we could get a set of jumper cables we could jump this thing so it says i don't know man i think this thing's got like six batteries so we open up the battery compartment yeah it's got six batteries i don't know how to charge six batteries so i was like i'll be right back so right across the street from us was a line of cars with cops in him and uh i knock on the window and i was like yo bro and the guy opens the window like like a crack and i want to crack the window open i was like yo bro i was like i was a cop i was a cop for six years open the window man and he opens the window a little bit he's like what's up and i guess they had a different you know operation to serve right they they were there for protection so maybe maybe they were waiting for orders you know but i just got aggravated in that moment i was like yo bro you got a set of jumper cables he's like yeah it's in the it's in the green it's in the green pontiac behind me so it's funny right the fight the police department must buy the cheapest ugliest cars because we had a purple on my car they had a green one so i laughed at the guy i'm like you just have a purple on my car so he lifts and and i go back and i'm not going to win the and i says yo bro can you open the trunk your buddy in the minivan just told me you got jumper cables in the back you go yeah we got no jumper cables here and i was like bro your boy just told me that he's like i'm telling you they're not in there i go back to the minivan i was like yo cause that dude just told me there's no jumper cables in there and he's like they're in there tell them to open the trunk and i said yo dude come on open it so you think it pops the trunk sure enough jump a cable so i come back and i get the jumper cables like this you know in this chaos i don't mean to make light of it but you just you know funny things happen along the way in life no matter what's going on so i grabbed the jumper cables the guy's like let's just try it so across the street from us was what's called the maxi unit and it's housed on tillery street in brooklyn and it's literally you see this thing it's a giant water cannon that i don't even know how much water we could put out two thousand gallons a minute it's a giant water condom on a rig so the chauffeur jumps in the maxi unit it starts up he puts it next to our rig and we just let it run for a bit we try to turn it over it don't work we try to turn it over it don't work and i'm like yo i'm like my wife lives in brooklyn i'm you know we live in brooklyn i was like my father's right next door if i call my old man my old man's the most loyal dude you ever met in your life i was like he will be here in a minute to pick us up you know what i mean so i didn't want to bother my wife with that because she got the kids at home and everything and i was like just about to call my old man and be like yo pops you gotta pick us up we'll meet on the other side of the bridge you know and i didn't because right when i was gonna pick up the phone boom the engine started on the on the apparatus that we were in you know rig and we all were like yeah like you know i know there was [ __ ] going on but this was our opportunity to maybe reset you know what i mean so the rig starts to put the maxi unit back we get back they drive me all the way back to 241 to 109. they drop me off i hug all the guys i'm like good luck with everything god bless you guys thank you for keeping me alive whatever i went to 109. i put my gear back in the basement and i feel terrible that i took somebody's helmet i apologize to whoever that is that came to the firehouse and i had no helmet because i was wearing it i put all the gear back where i found it and i jumped in the shower but the funny thing was i didn't have a towel i just remember like and i'm you know it's probably about three or four o'clock in the morning and i got no shot i got no towel and there's no curtain on the door for the shower so here we are naked in the bedroom i don't know anybody there you know just a crazy thing and i got the the paper towel seafold's house and i'm patting myself down with seafold towels i throw them in the garbage and then i get myself together and i get my car and i drive home and it's docks i i park the car i'm walking down the street ah this is when you know you married the right girl man i get out of my car i get my keys to open the door and i can't see i really can't even see more than a foot in front of my face and i can't i didn't even get the key in the door and the door whips open it's my wife she was like oh my god i love you so much you know like it was just like this embrace you know and at that moment i was just so happy to be home you know in my wife's arms so i love so much you know and created this life with you know and still my life's part and to this day and just like it was just an amazing embrace and what breaks my heart to this day is that how many wives never got to do that how many mothers fathers sisters brothers children were waiting and waiting and waiting and never got that chance you know what i mean whether it's jackie the richie the obergs you know like all these people in my life that i knew that lost somebody that didn't get to have that embrace still to this day you know and oh my god it was just you know a powerful moment in life you know and um and that's that's really the end of the story and and i wear this this is um this is class one of 2001 so we were the first class of all lists to get into the fire academy february 4th of 2001 and the back of the t-shirt was designed by christian reagan hard and i just wore it to honor the five guys that were my brothers that i knew better than anybody that i lost because we were together in the academy and when you're in the academy at any academy fire police whatever it is military like you just have this bond and we knew these guys better than than the companies they went to because we were with each other for so much longer than just the i don't know six or eight weeks that we were there and it was dennis olberg god rest his soul whose parents were in my parish his father was a fireman and a lieutenant one fourteen we love dearly his mother was my wife's home that teacher in saint ephraims and you know that school jimmy papa george a fellow greek christian reagan heart away the t-shirt john tierney who was like another clown like me just you know having fun with the whole academy thing and chris santora who i did eulogy at his funeral who stood next to me every single day in the academy he was the shortest guy in my squad we did it by size order and i was the second shortest so me and chris did everything together you know every evolution you do in the academy we did together and and i wear this shirt to honor those five guys and you know it's just um i don't know i just really feel like i'm blessed to be here to tell the story but i just there's a hole in my heart for all the families out there that lost tragically and they actually were murdered which i hate to say because it makes me feel angry and i don't want to live my life in anger but these people were brutally murdered and that's a fact and it's sad and it's terrible and it's horrible and all these families you know there's a lot of trauma there you know what i mean that i don't have and i'm i'm a mess down telling the story and i don't have half a tenth of the of the pain that these families have and you know that's just something that i think everybody needs to recognize and realize and never forget and that's why i'm so proud to be your friend and have met you and and i'm so proud of the work that you do because you keep the stories alive of the people that will tragically kill that day and their lives are really what matters in this story is the families that were torn apart by this horrific tragedy and you keep it alive and you honor them their memory and the families of course that have to carry that weight for so long you know josh thank you thank you for those words those kind words so we met because we are both members of the board of friends of firefighters which provides free mental help to fdn wires and their families how did you come to friends of firefighters so it's funny you you and i and mike barash are the class of 2021 right you know how was the class of 2001 for the friends of firefighters so it's um it's it's just an amazing sort of story and it might my feet have been put upon a path that i know is right and the way i got to friends of firefighters is that damian and echo verrietta who works for the nhl is also a board member damien's father was killed in the line of duty in the fdny in latter 109 i think it was january 7 1974. so damien is the son he was two months old when his father died he's the son of a fallen firefighter and he's married to my wife's best friend one of her best friends and we have become friends through the years and damien asked me to come on board and it was just such a a perfect timing event because i have recently retired from the fire department i have also been involved in a tragic fatal fire i was the truck boss in 28 when michael davidson from engine 69 died in harlem and i i stepped away from the business that i was in and i loved so dearly of firefighting um on my own accord but there was some things that happened along the way that kind of forced my hand a little bit but i it's just amazing to me that damien came to me at a moment where i was just a little bit lost from stepping away from the business that i love so much and the guys that i love so much i love going to work i love being a new york city firefighter i became a lieutenant i went to harlem in the south bronx and i wound up a lot of 28 with these guys that were just amazing and beautiful people and hardcore firemen and just everything you would want in a family same as tally ho when i worked there and same as 212 when i worked there same as the academy when i went through with those brothers and damien has a connection to that because of his dad and he brought me to friends of firefighters and i said to myself i actually i actually am in counseling i go to the counseling services unit i didn't do that for my entire career in the fire department even after mike stepped i didn't do it but a few months after mike's that i just wound up in the parking lot in the counseling services unit i don't know how i don't know why they have an office up here in orange county and i just wound up in a parking lot and i walked into the office and told them who i was and what i experienced them and from that moment i met my therapist and i started to go and i've been going religiously now since that time and actually i had a session yesterday which prepared me for this you know what i mean and i told a few of the stories to my therapist and i cried a little bit and you know i feel like me coming to therapy has really saved my life i really truly mean that and i really truly feel that and this business is a dangerous business danny prince who's also on the board his first day was the funeral of damian's father like that's just incredible you know what i mean so yes we work in the most amazing job on the planet you be a new york city firefighter you have you play for the yankees i mean you made it you know i mean like this is the greatest job in the world with the greatest people in the world that really care and go above and beyond the call of duty on every level whether it's in the firehouse on a on a run in a fire throwing themselves off buildings on roofs that save people i mean these people are amazing really incredibly good natured hard-working beautiful people you know and i'm just so happy to be a part of it but the the thing that happens which i'm just realizing to my own experiences and everybody's different obviously but through my own experiences i first got on the job a month before we got on the job i think his name was donny franklin from 44 truck he passed away we got on the job right after that was the father's day fire so before we were out on a 14-week rotation we were at three funerals then we got back in the academy we'll get out of the academy july 25th august 28th i'm gonna say i'm sorry if i got the date wrong one of our own brothers uh died and you know michael garumba in staten island and we weren't out of the academy for a month one month and i remember being on the corner standing with all my probi guys waiting to go into the wake for mike and being like i can't believe we're already at a funeral for a guy from the fire department you know that we worked with and then i don't know what is it 16 days later 14 days later 9 11 happens you know what i mean so in other words like the beginning of my career and same with danny prince started with something that is really horrible and tragic and tough to deal with and and process and then it ended you know around a little bit after but with mike davidson you know what i mean and like i'm not i'm just saying that this is what happened to me it's my experience and i i just speaking to the point that i believe that mental health is really really important and yes being a new york city fire is the greatest thing in the world but i believe in my heart that you when you have compounding traumatic experiences it has to take effect and some of the stuff that just happened to me right now crying and getting upset and emotional about telling the story about 9 11. even though i'm alive you know i don't have one iota of the of the pain that is felt by the families of these beautiful people i know that something in me is just not exactly right and i have a wife and i got children that i got to be a good father and husband to and a family and friends and i have to stay focused and be okay you know what i mean and if that means i need therapy every three weeks and i cry a little bit and i talk about stuff then that's what's going to help me and i really truly believe in the power of it i really truly do and that's why i'm so grateful to damian for bringing me on board with the friends of firefighters and this is my jump off point really to get the message out of what they do you know what i mean is just really providing free mental health and wellness services for firefighters and their families and i can speak to this because i did it you know what i mean and i feel confident that i had experiences that give me a little bit of credibility to say i've been involved in a few things that are horrible and tragic but i'm here and i want people to understand or know that there's help out there you know what i mean and i really hope this helped also for other people like just civilians that have gone through this tragedy too you know what i mean it's really like they should they should be taken care of as well and i hope to god that they are and i know the world trying to portray the monitoring program takes care of us and it also takes care i think you could sign up for it and take care of civilians as well because they were down there they did some heroic stuff that day as well you know they were just going to work every day this is our job you know what i mean but they were just going to work so i just hope that i just my message is that you know mental health is important because if you don't have that right everything else could fall apart so if you just you know stay focused on that and you know try to be a happy positive person in this life and and you know sort of help each other you know like that feeling i had when all those guys from the trades were tapping me on my shoulder and you know that spirit of unity and that spirit of love and camaraderie is what we all need in this world especially now yeah we know that right but like that's what i think you know is really important and i and i thank damian for bringing me here with you and mike baresh you know what i mean like we all just kind of came together and we have different skill sets and brings something different to the table but the idea is we're all there for one reason to help firefighters that that may be hurting you know what i mean and and that helps and their families of course right josh i was just wondering so you were an nypd or for six years what made you want to become an ftn wire so so i still have my uh my saint michael's medallion i love it so much we were going through stuff during the pandemic my mother-in-law bought this for me when i became a cop and i love her and miss ideally maureen she's the best and um i we found the door to pandemic and i put it back on ever since because i i just always want to honor that part of my life but i became a cop because everybody else in the neighborhood took the cop test and the fire test and the sanitation but my dream was always to be a fireman because my grandfather was a fireman and always you know he lived in an apartment 79 at one fourth avenue and every time i was every weekend my father on the ball my mom was a nurse so you know every weekend or every couple nights we'd be sleeping over there and i just idolized him and his stories you know what i mean and you know every fireman has somewhere in their house where they have their little plaque and you know something maybe they want a medal they got a plaque and their badge number and i just always remember looking at that little area of my grandfather's apartment in brooklyn and just being like i can't imagine what that must be like you know what i mean and he had a scanner in his apartment always listening to what was going on in the neighborhood and anytime there was a big fire in the neighborhood he'd take his dog sandy and go to the fire you know what i mean and be there and it just always really um it was always my focus either play for the yankees i wasn't glad i go to baseball and oh i'll be a new york city firefighter and i'm just so proud and happy that i got to live my dream you know i really did live my dream like being a new york city firefighter to me is just the tops and i got to do it in the best companies there are and with the best guys and every company's great of course and every guy is great but i got to work with some really special dudes you know and and you know guys and guys you know it was really cool and you continue to serve through friends of firefighters yes happily happily thank you i really appreciate everything you do i'm really um i'm really just at a good place in my life right now where i could help i think i can help i actually want to give everybody my cell phone number to call me if they have problems you know what i mean i really do i feel that way you know like i've been given a special gift to be alive have that experience and maybe be able to share and help somebody who's in need [Music] you

Channel: Q1043 New York

Views: 290,875

Rating: 4.8255491 out of 5

Keywords: q1043, rock, music, video, radio, interview, performance, live

Id: Pg_s0arJ22M

Length: 58min 12sec (3492 seconds)

Published: Thu May 20 2021