- I've read a lot of self-help books. Some of them great, some
of them not so much. Some I couldn't get
through the first paragraph and others had me hanging
onto every last word. Today, I wanna talk about those few books that really made a difference. These are nine self-help
books that changed my life. This video is brought
to you by Squarespace. More on them later. All right, so I
intentionally wanted to pick a range of books that have helped me with many different areas in my life. So we're gonna be talking about business, money, health, sex, that's
right, we're going there. But first I wanna start off
with a lighter topic, death. "No Death, No Fear" by Thich Nhat Hanh. "No Death, No Fear" is a wake up call to everyone who's been letting
anxieties, fears and worries control their life. In the book, Thich Nhat Hanh
explores death, impermanence, and our never ending search for happiness through the lens of
his Buddhist teachings. In the book, he writes,
"There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." So I read this book in
my final year of college and it was really just an
exciting period of my life. I had all of these hopes and dreams for what my life could become,
and yet at the same time, I couldn't help but feel
absolutely terrified about the future. What if I never get a job? What if I couldn't pay the bills? What if I'm in debt until my 40s or 50s? Thich Nhat Hanh's writing helped me to see that happiness and contentment couldn't be found on the
other side of these questions. Instead, they needed to be
found in the present moment by freeing myself of regret,
fear, anxiety, and doubt. "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Barbara and Allan Pease. As Barbara and Allan Pease
explain it in the book, "Body Language is an outward reflection of a person's emotional condition." Your date might be patting
your back during a hug because they're uncomfortable. Your client's feet might
be turned towards the door because they're hoping to
get out of a conversation. Your partner might have their arms crossed because they're pissed at you, but it's not as simple as
just reading one gesture and jumping to a conclusion
about what someone's feeling. As the authors explain, "Body language is like any other language. It's only when you put a word into a sentence with other words that you can fully
understand its meaning." So maybe your partner isn't
actually pissed at you and she's just cold because
she left her jacket at home. On second thought, she's
probably pissed at you. In the weeks after reading this book, I couldn't help but be hyper
aware of my own body language. When I was nervous, I'd bite my nails. When I was frustrated,
I'd pace back and forth. When I was angry, I'd furrow my eyebrows. I may have been trying
to hide my emotions, but it turned out that I was saying a lot without saying anything at all. From high stakes pitches to first dates, the things that I've
learned about body language have made a huge difference in my life. "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Yes, I read books about how to sex, and no, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think the bigger problem is that most guys are too
proud or too full of themselves to think they might actually need a little bit of guidance
when it comes to the bedroom. And let me tell you, it's
harder than it looks. - That's what she said. (laughs) - The advice in the title is definitely something you
should remember for life, "She Comes First." But apart from those
three very helpful words, the book also questions the idea that sex requires intercourse.
(bomb exploding) Apparently it doesn't. And when you focus on other
areas, mainly oral sex, you can have a deeper,
more intimate relationship with your partner. What do you think of me reading books about how to have better sex? - Oh, I would highly recommend. I think more guys should be
reading books about better sex. I think it's... Look how coy you are, you look so proud of yourself. - I think probably one of
the most important things that we've done early on
when it came to our sex life is open communication. - I was gonna say the same, but I think you only felt
good about doing that because you had read books. So you, like, you were coming
in from an informed stance that was like, I wanna learn about this. Let's talk about it. Like how did that feel for you? Because at the end of the day, we all have different preferences. So to assume that everyone
likes the same thing is just like dead wrong.
- Yeah. - That struck me as you being
very emotionally mature. - And by the way, if you're
looking to further your studies about this topic, then
you may be interested in the book "Slow Sex" by Nicole Daedone. It's another great book
that helps us to rewire and relearn many of the
unhealthy views and habits we have with sex, as well as
providing a slower approach that's often much more satisfying
for all parties involved. Okay, moving along. "The Obstacle Is The Way" by Ryan Holiday. Ryan Holiday is somebody
that I deeply admire for his ability to turn ancient wisdom into tangible teachings for modern life. "The Obstacle Is The Way" is
a masterclass in stoicism, the school of thought that's
about cultivating virtue, mastery and self-control
to live a better life. The central theme of this book is that obstacles in life are inevitable. You'll graduate with an
insane amount of student debt. You'll get turned down for your dream job. You'll face literally
hundreds of rejections when you start dating. All three of these things,
by the way, happened to me. But when you embrace these obstacles and you realize that they're unavoidable, you can start to develop
a healthier relationship with the problems that
you face in your life. Ryan writes, "The obstacle
in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to
improve our condition." This book will completely
change the way you think about personal and
professional challenges, and it might even get you
to stop whining so much. All of us will thank you for it. "Hope and Help for Your
Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes. So I actually first
learned about this book from a comment on one of my videos. I had published a video about my struggles with
anxiety a few years ago. And as I was reading through the comments, which were amazing and just so supportive, I stumbled across somebody
recommending this book from Dr. Claire Weekes. I bought the book, I read it and it had a significant impact on my ability to cope with my anxieties. In the book, Claire
explores how you can use gentle exposure therapy
to build your tolerance for stressful situations. She writes, "Strength is
not born from strength. Strength can only be born from weakness. So be glad of your weaknesses now, they are the beginnings of your strength." The biggest takeaway
that I got from the book was to learn how to float
through my anxieties rather than fighting the
waves of your emotions. This approach is really all
about letting the anxiety wash over you until it passes. This book is an empowering,
hope-filled read for anyone who struggles with or is supporting a loved
one through anxiety. If that's you, you should definitely add
it to your reading list. "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins. I feel like with a title like that, you just need to really
bring the energy, you know? Maybe not. Tony Robbins, his book
"Awaken the Giant Within" was one of the first self-help
books that I ever read when I was living in my parents' basement just after college. Even though the book was a bit corny and I felt a little bit
embarrassed to read it, it provided me with so many useful tools and insights as I was trying
my best to become an adult and a professional filmmaker. One of the key things I
still remember from the book is the power of decisions. "You must know that in any
moment a decision you make can change the course
of your life forever." So many of us get paralyzed by choice. We put off important decisions because we don't wanna make the wrong one, but we can only get better at decisions by making lots of them. And one of the best
decisions that I ever made was to forget about what
everyone else would think of me and read corny self-help books
that might change my life. Another great decision that
I made nearly eight years ago was to build my very first
website with Squarespace. They also happen to be my
sponsor for this week's video. So I started using Squarespace
nearly a decade ago and I haven't switched
because they've hands down got the best website building
tools on the internet. When I built my first
website, I went to Squarespace and purchased the domain, mattdavella.com. I'm proud to say that
I beat the other eight Matt D'avellas in the world to the punch. Sorry, guys. After that, I scrolled through some of their beautiful templates and found one that worked best for me. Then things got fun. I added my brand colors and my logo, which was really just my name. I linked to all my social accounts. And since I wanted to use my website to build a deeper
connection with my audience, I added a form so people could
sign up for my newsletter. If you're about to build
your very first website, the best advice I could
give you, keep it simple. It's so much more important to get started than to wait for the perfect timing. So if you do wanna get started, I recommend you visit
squarespace.com today for a free trial, and then
when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com/mattdavella to save 10% off your first
purchase of a website or domain. You can click the link
in the description below to get started. Thanks so much for considering. And thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring. "I will Teach You to be
Rich" by Ramit Sethi. This is really a guidebook
to building personal wealth. It covers everything from
earning, saving and budgeting, to investing and automating your finances. It doesn't give a prescriptive
one-size-fits-all roadmap. Instead, Ramit's approach
very much overlaps with my own minimalist philosophies. He urges us to spend extravagantly on the things that you love
and cut costs mercilessly on the things you don't. Forget about what everyone
on Instagram is saying you absolutely need to have. When it comes to how you spend your money, it's so important for you
to figure out what you want. As Ramit says, you need to identify what a
rich life looks like to you. And chances are it won't
include flashy cars, multiple houses and a walk-in wardrobe that's bigger than my house. The road to financial wealth
isn't something that can happen by the end of your 20s, let alone by the time
you read a 200-page book. And that's why I think
everyone should commit to reading one personal
finance book every single year. And if you haven't read one
this year, let this one be it. "Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World," by Cal Newport. "Deep Work" is an essential
read for ambitious creators looking to find more space
for their meaningful work. As Cal puts it, "The
ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare. At exactly the same time, it is becoming increasingly
valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few
who cultivate this skill and then make it the core
of their working life will thrive." When we can methodically
learn to shut off distractions and wean ourselves off of
our addiction to technology, we can find our most productive moments. "Deep Work" really helps you
to integrate this thinking into your life by setting
up your environment to be distraction free,
and then also helping you to create rituals that
support your creative work. So I put the lessons that
I learned from this book right into practice with
the first two courses that I ever made, and it really allowed
me to free up my time and get more intentional
about really making two of the most in-depth
and time-consuming projects of my life. The results allowed me
to make a bigger impact and also to have a better
final product in the end. I'm not sure how I would've done this without the deliberate
practice of "Deep Work." "Man's Search for
Meaning," by Viktor Frankl. This book is a favorite to
so many and for good reason. Published by Holocaust survivor and psychologist Viktor Frankl, it was inspired by his experience as a concentration camp
prisoner during World War II. He noticed that in these
awful circumstances, it wasn't necessarily the
physically strongest who survived. Instead, it was the people
who had the strongest purpose. And so those who were able to
withstand extreme suffering had some other reason, some
bigger purpose to live, rather than just getting by. This led to Frankl's hypothesis
that the search for meaning is the biggest driver of human beings and one that we can leverage to get through even the
most difficult times. Viktor writes, "Everything
can be taken from a man but one thing, the last
of the human freedoms. To choose one's attitude in
any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." It's an exploration of life, death and everything in between. And in my opinion, it's a must read and one that I keep coming
back to over and over again. Before you go, do me one quick favor. Head down into the comment
section of this video and let me know one book
that changed your life. As you know, one of the books I mentioned in this video came from
your recommendations, so I was hoping I might be able to add on to my reading list, but I was also hoping we might be able to give some inspiration to
other subscribers as well. And if you haven't yet subscribed, make sure you click subscribe down below, turn on notifications
to get future videos. That way you're not just waiting around for the algorithm to serve
you one of my videos. Thanks so much for watching. Hope to see you next time. (gentle serene music)
