7 WAYS TO OUTSMART A NARCISSIST IN CONVERSATION: Disarm the Narcissist with These Tips

whether you still have the narcissist in  your life or not we can all agree that   interactions with narcissists are incredibly  frustrating no matter how prepared you think   you are for these conversations, you walk away  feeling like the narcissist has the upper hand   or like somehow they're winning and what's  interesting about that is that you feel like   they're winning because they feel like they're  winning and they're essentially dominating the   conversation but I can assure you they  are most definitely not winning they're   not winning at relationships and they're not  winning at life in general but that probably   doesn't help you in the moment when you have  to come face-to-face with a narcissist so if   you're looking to outsmart a narcissist I have 7  tips to help you do just that by the end of this   video you're going to understand how to come  face-to-face with the narcissist in your life   and instead of you walking away confused and  frustrated the narcissist will do that [Music] welcome to the comedy go community my  name is Christina and on this channel we   talk about narcissistic abuse its connection with  spirituality and we attempt to answer the question   where do we go from here so that all sounds good  to you be sure you're subscribed and hit that   notification bells to give you notified whenever  I post new videos if you're already subscribed   thank you and welcome back so the first thing I  want to talk about is whether or not narcissists   are actually intelligent this is something that  I think some people misunderstand somebody is not   smart just because there are narcissists there are  different types of narcissists and there are lots   of ways to break it down but in this context we're  going to talk about the cerebral and the somatic   narcissists so the cerebral narcissists are the  ones who tend to be highly intelligent and they   use their intelligence to gain power usually  in business and over the people in their lives   then there are the somatic narcissists who are  very concerned with their bodies and appearance   there can definitely be crossover just because  a narcissist is attractive and concerned with   their appearance doesn't mean that they're  not intelligent which kind of brings me to   my next point it doesn't really matter whether  this narcissist is smart or not you don't have   to have more knowledge on any specific topic  the only thing you need to know is how to keep   the narcissist from trolling in this situation  and from controlling you and to be honest it's   probably a little bit simpler than you might think  it can be very difficult in practice because when   somebody's in front of you triggering you it's  definitely easier said than done but are some   simple techniques that can help you get through  this and we're gonna cover seven of them right   now okay so the first thing you have to do if  you haven't already is keep your communications   limited with this person if you decided this is  somebody you still have to have in your life keep   it very very simple talk to them about the things  you have to talk to them about and try not to   take it any further don't ask any questions about  their life don't answer any questions about your   life and if you do answer just keep those answers  very short and generic so we're gonna jump into   the second way you can outsmart the narcissist so  the second way you can outsmart the narcissist and   this is kind of building up to some techniques  that we're going to use a little bit later but   these the first three are very foundational  things that we need to discuss before we can   get to the other stuff so the second thing is  understanding narcissism and some basic things   about the personality so understanding that they  lack whole object relations and this presents is   a very black-and-white view of people and of the  world around them so if they're angry if they're   currently angry at you and you're seeing that  they cannot be nice or say nice things about   you they can't have positive feelings and negative  feelings about you at the same time you're either   all good or you're all bad another thing we  need to understand about narcissism is that   narcissists lack emotional empathy so these aren't  people that you want to have not bound drag-out   fights with because they'll stop at nothing if  you do have empathy it's very difficult to to   even fathom what it's like not to have it but  if you really actually do not care a bit about   anyone elses feelings or needs it's not a pair  of match for somebody who does care about other   people so this is part of the reason why we're  not going for revenge here also because it's bad   karma but it's also just a bad idea in general  when you start looking for revenge you you get   caught up in a cycle where it just doesn't end  so you do something and then they'll retaliate   probably worse than what you did and then you feel  again you even more driven for revenge it's it's   just not it's not productive it's not a good idea  so a foundational understanding of narcissism can   definitely help you outsmart the narcissist if  you want to outsmart the nurses the third thing   you need to do is distance yourself not just  from the narcissist but from his or her group   of flying monkeys or the harem of exes anyone who  is on that person side no matter what and now keep   in mind that some of these people themselves can  be two-faced so they can be you know doing double   duty and playing nice with you to get information  to bring back to the narcissist so you have to be   careful with people who are friends with both  of you tread very lightly with anyone who is a   common friend and if the narcissist has turned  some important people in your life against you   this is a really tough call it's difficult to  let go they're so important and you want to you   want to turn them back but until the dust settles  the best thing you can do is just let it go and   you can revisit it later after you've done some  healing and there's been some distance between you   and the narcissist it might be a little bit easier  to have open conversations about the situation and   and rebuild some friendships in some cases it's  not possible but there's definitely a greater   chance when a little bit of time has passed all  right so now we're getting to some defensive   strategies the fourth way you can outsmart a  narcissist is to not give them what they want and   if you've cut them out of your life already mostly  as much as possible probably what they're going to   be looking for is an argument or it could be some  sort of hoovering attempt but when you reject the   hoovering attempt it will almost inevitably end in  an argument because you're injuring the narcissist   by setting boundaries so in number four we're not  going to engage they're very likely to say things   that either bait or trigger you and this is your  first line of defense here just I'm sorry you feel   that way they're gonna say something that they  know you have an emotional tie to and whether   it's good or bad your response to that things  should be very dry if they're saying nice things   oh that's very nice of you just say if they're  saying something negative I'm really sorry you   feel that way don't defend yourself don't get  stuck in that loop of arguing about whatever it   is the nurses brought up because that is the very  reason the persons brought up the topic because   they wanted to bait you into an argument but we're  smarter than that aren't we we know better than   to argue with the narcissist so the first line of  defense is just sorry sorry you feel that way what   again if it's something like so it's very kind  of you to say then change the subject the first   thing you can do to outsmart the narcissist is to  take the power away from whatever they're saying   in that moment so if they're implying that you're  let's say they're saying oh you're weird you might   think back to that weird habits of a covert Narcis  video and want to say like look who's talking but   that would start an argument so instead give every  indication that you are happy with who you are no   matter what this is the good end the bap and if  the nurse this brings up something that is truly   a flaw that you're self-conscious about and you  want to respond to it and disarm the nurses take   the power away in that moment what you can do is  you can either say well yeah that's something that   I used to really struggle with but I've come a  long way or you can use two very very powerful   words so what whenever they're attacking you  and whatever they're talking about some things   that is is upsetting you and you feel like they're  attacking your character who's the one who really   needs to care about that right it's you like if  anyone should be concerned about whatever it is   they're bringing up it's you and if you're not  concerned about it that completely deflates the   entire argument it deflates the conversation  because again what they're doing and bringing   this up is they're trying to hurt you and if you  show that you're unaffected they have no power and   when you say something like so what what are they  gonna say in response the best they can do is try   to poke at you and try to figure out why you don't  care and imply that you should care in response   to that you can always just turn it back around  well why do you care you know why do you care so   much we need to remember that these are people who  we've decided we do not want in Our Lives anymore   so their opinion of us does not matter what  they're trying to do is they're trying to trigger   something within you to make you feel bad about  who you are and again we're smarter than that and   even though we all know we're not perfect we can  accept our flaws and we can work on them there's   no need to be embarrassed for who you are or what  you've done just own it own it and the narcissist   has no power so this takes the way you can  outsmart a narcissist is to highlight the ugliness   that is coming out of this person's mouth just  be sure to remain calm because if your emotions   escalate then you're kind of in the same place  and you don't you're losing your power you haven't   outsmarted them in this situation but what they're  trying to do here is they're trying to manipulate   this situation so they're saying something ugly  or hateful even if it's super passive-aggressive   even if they have all the plausible deniability  maybe it's just a tone of voice that only you   would know what they really mean what they're  saying what they're saying if it's something   passive aggressive and super cryptic asking what  they mean by that that's a weird comment what does   that mean even if you know what it means and they  know you know what it means turn it around on them   so they're the ones defending themselves and if  they're saying something outwardly ugly call that   out too wow that was really really mean what's  up with all the anger now keep in mind that this   could cause a narcissistic injury when you force  them to look within themselves this could cause a   narcissistic injury and if you haven't watched my  recent video about that I'll link to that one too   seventh and final way that you can outsmart the  nurses during a conversation is to keep a very   close eye on your emotional state so pretend  you're wearing like a heart monitor type thing   and every time you get emotional either angry or  sad or hurt every time you're feeling some sort   of triggers some emotional trigger just imagine  an audible beep going off this is the danger zone   and it's the danger zone because you are highly  likely to react in that situation I have a series   on the emotional guidance system that can help  you understand what's really going on when the   narcissist is triggering you what they're doing  is triggering wounds within you and that's what   you want to react so badly to the things they're  saying and they're so so good at this but if you   haven't seen it already ask just to watch that  series I'll link to it here and in those moments   and those moments where you have that that pretend  audible beep bring it back to you acknowledge that   you're being triggered that it's going on in here  and it's not out there and try to keep it here and   walk away and you can deal with that trigger on  your own time but responding in an emotional way   to the narcissist is not going to do anything to  help your current situation it may help you feel   a little bit better in the moment but what's  gonna happen really is you're gonna get into   a back-and-forth argument there's going to be a  lot of things said that you probably wouldn't have   said or didn't want to say so it's really better  just if you can keep it all here and walk away so   those are seven ways you can outsmart a narcissist  in conversations and in any dealings that you have   with them if you have to have a narcissist in  your life you're going to want to keep the upper   hand and you're going to want to keep them from  controlling everything so you can use these two   again just a warning if you see a narcissistic  injury coming on you that might be a good time to   to agnus it if you can so if you found this video  helpful please let me know by hitting the like   button and if you'd like to see more like it to  be sure you're subscribed I'll see you next time

Channel: Common Ego

Views: 843,336

Keywords: outsmart a narcissist, disarm a narcissist, gray rock, narcissist, npd, how to outsmart a narcissist, argue with a narcissist, win an argument with a narcissist, common ego

Id: b0dR4acY09M

Length: 13min 47sec (827 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 10 2020