63rd Primetime Emmys Opening

reporting for duty mr. president of television rj and have a seat I'm so glad you're here I'm firmly convinced that you are the most logical person to host the Emmys this year two men your womanish two women your mannish well thank you so much I'm super pumped now chief Wednesday in mind don't ever let them know that we all live together in this one building so beautiful is how we slow jam the news oh I don't we just keep this quiet oh I don't want to keep this quiet I want everyone in America to know who we are and what it is we do when we create the magic of TV and mr. president of television I'm gonna sing it in song okay they hardly let you sing on Glee well at least use the auto-tune now I'm lip-syncing TV is a vast Wonderland oh love enchantment and on a liquid crystal paradise a high def shangri-la where a million quintile you need electrons flow through an infinite ball and emerge like fairytale pixel dust and zari gold screaming or you can't yell at me anymore I'm an agent am I on the air anymore is a vast Wonderland where people spend most of their time committing or fighting or stopping or zombie or psychically sensing uh he did it it was prescription of five pounds of it we're patient secured in an hour by doctors who work once a week we're invisible I hate it when musical numbers come through our apartment Wow all of television is in this one building their electric bills must be insane it's very complicated no one really understands it it wrong I do the interlocking regions of the television universe you can best be visualized as areas on the three-dimensional hyper surface of a hypercube Wow fellas I just wanted to get the lay of the land before hosting the Emmys I didn't want to take my SATs again I've got a little more time you should check out our neighbors hope you don't get seasick it's all handheld documentary style in there seasick well be sure I don't rock the boat yeah they don't all work in country the bathroom you can enter a realm of your fantasy with a wave of your magic remote a world where men enjoy cooking go pitchy dog where reality turns fantastic and bizarre we're dancing with Bristol Palin in a monkey suit is dancing stop singing Oh Ron look I know this seems stupid and schlocky and already feels overly long but it's the Emmys come on get on board give me a box step that was my box step good enough for me we're ugly adorable sidekicks get pages of jungle watch make some on workplace environment is sexism smokey excuse me sweetheart can give me some coffee oh you're hilarious um I'm not a secretary I'm the host of the Emmys the Emmys what you should be doing is learning how to type and firing the guy who gave you that man's haircut well a lot has changed since 1965 in fact women can marry other women hey Peggy hi women with other women men must hate that does that mean women don't have to sleep with men anymore to make it to the top no you still have to do that but on the bright side people could watch television on their phones think dance and if they want to well I can fast-forward through the commercials you're gonna turn around you're gonna walk out of here we're gonna pretend like we never met you and this haircut cost more than your house my school abruptly 20 all of us too are you the king here now consider tweeted vast wasteland where good ideas go to die and mediocre ones make zillions of dollars and that's how sue sees it well that's not how I see it lady and I'm a boss see you stupid exercise hurts me thinking TV is a vast Wonderland the kingdom of joy and a bomb Oh Samson is the best one oh wait like tea it's not

Channel: Television Academy

Views: 2,109,935

Keywords: 63rd Primetime Emmys Opening, Emmy Awards, 2011, primetimeemmys, 63, emmymain

Id: Ja8hkKnNw1s

Length: 7min 50sec (470 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 19 2011