A big thanks to Skillshare for supporting
this channel and sponsoring today's video. Four years ago this month, I
reached the point of burnout. It wasn't a type of burnout where
I needed a few weeks of vacation and everything would be fine. It was the kind
of burnout where everything completely gave out and my whole system just shut down. For months
and months, basically all I could do was sleep. It took me two years to recover from my
burnout. And although I feel so much better now, even today I can't say that everything has gone
completely back to the way things were before. My burnout was both one of the most
challenging things ever to happen to me as well as one of the best. Because
it brought me to where I am today. I needed to learn a few lessons, and in today's
video I'm going to share 10 of them with you. Because burnout is a real thing and it's more
common than you might think. My hope is that, by sharing these lessons with you, they can be
as helpful for you as they have been for me. Hey my friends, welcome back. It's Vera here. And
if you are new here, this is a place where you can get weekly tips and inspiration for inviting
more simplicity, happiness and calm into your everyday life. So if you aren't already, feel
free to subscribe down below to join our lovely community. Looking back on it, I now think that my
burnout was caused by a combination of different things. And there is a lot to say here. But in
short, it was me working in a very toxic workplace for a couple of years. Also being a highly
sensitive person and not knowing about that. Certain life circumstances that happened at the
time having to do with my family. And lastly, it was also because of a part of my personality.
Being an overachiever and putting the need to have everything under control and doing everything
right, over my own health and happiness. And that leads me straight to the first thing that I
want to tell you today. And that is that self-care works best when you feel like you don't need it.
Self-care has become more popular, which is a good thing. But I feel like it's something that we
mostly do something nice or good for ourselves when we are not feeling our best. Which we should.
But I've learned that self-care has to be mostly a preventative thing. Because by taking good
care of ourselves on a day-to-day basis, we can actually try to avoid feeling completely
overwhelmed or exhausted or spent at the end of the day. Our energy is like a battery. By taking
small breaks here and there throughout our days and weeks, we can prevent our batteries from
getting completely drained and then needing a lot of time to get recharged. And self-care is
not just about breaks. If we can treat ourselves with kindness, work on being physically
active, and eating right most of the time, we can keep our cups filled more easily. And
when life gets bumpy, which it inevitably will, we will be better equipped to deal with
these ups and downs. So in order to be resilient and have fun and be happy in life, we
need our batteries to have some energy in reserve. Fun is more important than you think. I remember
when I was in the doctor's office, and he said something to me like: "Let's see if we can get
you feeling a little bit better, happier, have some more fun, feel more cheerful." And the first
thought that came into my head was: "Okay, but fun is actually not a priority for me. What's way more
important is to have everything running smoothly, to have things under control, or do things right."
And I remember feeling completely shocked at my own thoughts. And it really made me wonder why fun
in life was such a low priority for me. I now know that life is not about doing it right. We can do
all of the things, be involved in all kinds of projects and activities, have our house completely
in order, go to the gym every day, and be on track with everything. But to what end? There will
always be things that are not in balance. There will always be more work to be done. It
is so important to let go of this. To not take things so seriously. To not take ourselves so
seriously and to be able to laugh at ourselves. You are not just your output. You are so much
more than what you are producing. Sometimes, the answer lies in doing less. Not doing more.
In the end, if we don't enjoy our days now, when will we ever? So I can say for sure that fun
has greatly moved up on my priority list in life. And it is so much more important
than doing everything right. It's important to know the difference between when
to improve a certain situation or circumstance, and when to just get out. When we are in a tough
situation or in stressful circumstances, there is a lot of value in reflecting on what it is that
we can do ourselves to deal with things better. To be more resilient, to not let everything stress
us out so much, to develop some coping skills, definitely. But I've learned that this is not
always the whole story. Before I was a content creator on youtube, I had a corporate job. And
I was always struggling with that huge workload that I had at that company. And to not let all the
nasty office politics affect me as much as it did. And no matter what I tried, I kept struggling. And
it actually took me quitting that job and working for a different company to realize that this
is something that I probably should have done a long time before. And it was just not a healthy
situation for me to be in. How we choose to deal with our circumstances is so important. But at
the same time, it's also good to know when this is a situation that we would prefer to get out
of. Even if it doesn't feel possible right now. Because if we know this and accept that we need
a change of scenery, we will be more able to spot certain opportunities as they come along
to create better circumstances for ourselves. Relaxing is not the same thing as recharging. This
might sound strange, but finding true relaxation is not easy for me. And I know that it is the same
for a lot of people. Because it's just not the way I'm wired, I'm a pretty tense person. And so, it's
just not the same as sitting down on the couch and instantly feeling more relaxed and recharged.
Sometimes we need to take a more proactive approach. Some forms of relaxation are more like
a way of passing the time and shutting off our brain for a while. And there is value in that. And
sometimes I just feel like staring at the same big bang theory episode for the tenth time, because it
helps and it helps me to relax. But sometimes we need to do something else that actually recharges
us. For me, relaxing in bed with a good cup of tea and some soft music often does the trick. Leaving
all my screens off and really being in the moment, taking things slow. That really helps. So find
something for you that not only relaxes you a little bit by distracting you with something
else, and turning your brain off for a while. But something that actually recharges your batteries
and keeps you feeling good. We are responsible for our own happiness and joy. I've learned the
importance of taking a very proactive approach to these things. Because it is our responsibility
in the end, to make fun and rest and relaxation and ease and joy important to us. And not to wait
for others or for life to make us a priority for them. Feeling good on a day-to-day basis doesn't
mean that we have to do crazy things like travel the world, skydive or swim naked with sharks. Of
course that doesn't mean that we can't pursue our bucket list items. But what makes all the
difference is how we set ourselves up. We don't have to wait for something nice to happen
or for someone else to tell us to take a break. Happiness is something that we have to create
ourselves. We can be intentional, reflect on which things in life bring us joy and fulfillment, and
try to prioritize them more. We have a saying here in the Netherlands and it goes: Het leven is een
feestje, maar je moet zelf de slingers ophangen. By which we mean: life is a party, but you have to
put up the decorations yourself. Let's do a quick break for today's sponsor: Skillshare. One of the
things that I have started doing lately to take charge of my happiness and my joy and my self-care
more, is journaling. And for that, I really have Skillshare to thank. And their are many classes on
journaling that I've watched, that inspired me to start exploring this more. Skillshare is
an online learning community for creative and curious people. They have thousands of classes
on so many different topics having to do with art, cooking, business, photography, writing, designing
and a lot more. You can use these classes to get inspired, learn new things, develop new skills.
And they have classes for all levels. They are constantly adding new ones too, so there's just
a lot to explore. One of the classes I loved recently is writing for self-discovery given by
Jasmine Cheyenne. I've really been into journaling lately and this class gave me some really helpful
journaling prompts to use. I especially loved her exercise for redefining success. The classes on
Skillshare are a lot of fun. And they're very bingeable because they're usually under 90 minutes
long. They break them up into these tiny sections, so it's very easy to consume. There are also no
ads. So I really recommend checking them out, if you just want to explore your creativity or
learn something new. The annual subscription works out to less than ten dollars a month, and
the first thousand people to click on my link in the description box will get a free trial of
premium membership. So you can already try it out for yourself. Redefine what success means to you.
I used to feel that in order to be successful and to feel accomplished and productive, I had
to give more on a daily basis than I had to give. And this was a subconscious thing, but
I realize this now. And while that may make us feel like a real go-getter in the short term,
it is just not sustainable. So try to redefine what success means to yo.uEeveryone has their
limits. And we can kind of bump up against them when we need to, but we shouldn't cross them.
And everyone's limits may be somewhere different. I used to feel very frustrated because I
felt that my limits because of my highly sensitive nature were much more easily reached
than those of many other people. But in the end, we do need to draw that line for ourselves and say
to here and no further. If I imagine success for myself now, the picture becomes so much wider than
just the productive, hustle, getting things done side of things. And I now feel successful when
I feel good and when I have the energy to do the things that bring me value. And when I feel rested
in the morning when I wake up. And when I feel inspired. And that's okay. You cannot force a good
night's sleep. This might seem weirdly specific, but it is an important one. So in the months
leading up to my burnout, I experienced a mild case of insomnia. And just like with everything
in life, I tried to do everything that I could to fix it. I did chamomile tea and yoga
and meditation and turning down all screens and harsh lights. And nothing seemed to
work. And the harder I tried to relax, the more tense I became, and the harder it was for
me to fall asleep. What eventually did the trick for me though, was letting go of any expectations
or worries around my sleep. So I simply accepted whatever happened. If I couldn't fall asleep
until 4 or 5 am, that's fine. Just resting in my bed was also rest. So basically, the only thing
that helped was to stop trying and just let go. This was such a valuable lesson, because
I never struggled with my sleep again. And this can be applied to so many other things as
well. Sometimes inaction is just as important as action. We need both to grow evolve and live our
life. So finding a balance between having control but also not being afraid to let go of it. Not
everyone recovers from burnout the same way. When I was first diagnosed with burnout, I thought
I would just take it easy for a month or three, maybe four, and then continue picking up
where I left off basically. And that was because that was what I've seen so far in my
circle of friends colleagues and acquaintances. So needless to say, I was a little bit confused
when after three months, I still couldn't get through a single day without sleeping for 14 to 16
hours. It ended up taking me two years to recover from my burnout. And during those two years,
I took baby steps, and I mean baby steps, of very slowly and intentionally adding some things
back onto my plate. And the road to recovery was very rocky. It was not a straight line, it
was always two steps forward, one step back. And now I know that this is actually normal when
you have reached the point of burnout that I had reached. I want you to know that if you have
similar experiences, or you've realized that you just don't feel that much better after a couple
of weeks or months, that that is normal. And very common. And it is important to honor the process
and let it take as long as it takes. No matter how frustrating that can be sometimes, trust me, I
know. And the only thing that you can actually do, is do the things that you need to feel better.
We don't need someone else's permission to take a break. As a youtuber, I like to watch videos
from other youtubers when they talk about their experience with being a youtuber. And that is
because it's relatable to me. And one of the topics I see around from time to time, is letting
their audience know that they're going to be taking a break from uploading videos for a while.
Whether that is a couple of weeks or sometimes longer. And part of those videos is to let their
audience know what they can expect to see, or not see, for a while. Which is great. And another
part is them explaining why they take their break. Now again, I love those types of videos so this
is not me throwing shade or anything. But it has me wondering why we feel the need to explain to
others that we need a break. Whether that is an actual vacation or just taking an afternoon off if
we're having a really bad day. And it is like we need others to validate that. To tell us that
it is okay to take it easy and chill and tend to what it is that we need. When my therapist told
me that right now, all I need to be thinking about is which kind of tea I want to drink next, I broke
down crying. And that was because I finally got permission from a professional to let everything
go. And now I like to be that person to myself. Because we really don't need others permission or
validation for taking a break. And we can be that kind loving and accepting voice to ourselves. I
cannot stress this enough. We are not robots. And everyone needs regular breaks. So taking a break
does not mean that you are doing anything wrong, or that you are being lazy or any of that.
You are not as irreplaceable as you think. And that's a good thing. Lastly, I have learned
the importance of realizing just how replaceable we can be sometimes. And of course there are
exceptions here. But for example with my job, I often felt huge pressure to show
up to work even though I was actually physically sick. Because of some kind of project
or presentation that I had going on that day. And I just couldn't let go, because I felt
that there was no one else that could do it. In reality, life finds a way of working out
when there is a challenge. And I remember when I first was diagnosed with burnout and I had to stay
home, I felt so incredibly guilty and responsible. And really, looking back on it, things got done
and things have a way of working out. And I wasn't irreplaceable at all. Now of course I'm not saying
to become an unreliable person and let others take care of your messes. But it is important to
know that when you feel trapped, there is usually a solution available. If we can just let
go of the notion that no one can do what we do, the way we do it. Thanks so much for sticking
around till the end of this video. And I would love it if you could share your thoughts and
experiences with burnout in the comment section down below, if you are comfortable of course.
And if you want more from me, you can always join me on patreon. I actually have an in-depth
video all about my burnout. What happened, how I recovered and all of that on there. Plus of
course many other videos. Thanks to Skillshare for sponsoring today's video. Feel free to try them
out, link in the description. And if you feel like you're often too busy, you're gonna love that
video. And if you want to de-stress your life, click here. As always: questions, comments,
conversations down below. Have a wonderful day and I will see you next
week. Bye bye.
