4 Animals that will Co-Sign Your Obituary

[Music] so if you've been paying attention to these videos you probably have a good idea of what animals you'd have to worry about if you ever got air dropped into the wild and if there was a vote there are just some animals that would easily make the hood nature hall of fame just off the top of my head you would have the african homicide horse or as normal people call it the hippo you'd have the steroid garfield that has a vice grip for a mouth and of course we can't forget the biggest op evolve the sea panda but there are some animals that don't get nearly enough credit for how mean they are and how fast they can put your autobiography in the history section and some animals you'd swear were designed with a specific intention of making life difficult for everyone else especially one of the animals on this list so because this is my life now and i accept that i'm gonna give you four animals that are bigger menaces than you think and are way more dangerous than the average person is prepared for and starting off hey no shade the lines at all but there's a reason if you google who's the real king of the jungle you'll get a jaguar's mug shot jaguars are as close to a few from nature as you can get they're the world's third most brawled big cats and since they can tip the scales at over 200 pounds only lions and tigers are in a higher weight class they can run at speeds of 50 miles per hour climb trees almost as well as leopards and they can body you on land or in water they also have pound for pound the nastiest bite of any big cat and probably the most brutal way of turning you into a history lesson because unlike all other big cats jaguars use that 1100 pound per square inch snare trap of a mouth to disable their prey and they do it by penetrating their teeth through the skull and eventually piercing the brain now add the fact that they have night vision camouflage and some of them even come in black meaning a jaguar could take your life before you even had time to realize it was in danger but this is not a jaguar video because jaguars have a very unlikely enemy and no it's not these psychotic river weasels now in an earlier video i did mention that a gang of otters could successfully g-check a jaguar but in the cat's defense getting pressed by a hood of water wolverines that can each grow to six feet long would humble any apex predator but anteaters have no business being in the ring with a cat that literally factory resets caiman if you've never seen a giant anteater before you probably wouldn't be afraid you'd probably wonder why god put a face on a feather duster and said let there be life but the giant anteaters affected with something i like to call rhinoceros syndrome and the symptoms are simple giant anteaters are pretty much legally blind they can get by in their sense of smell but unless you're literally right in its face they can barely differentiate you from a tree having terrible eyesight in a world where this can be your neighbor is why this seven foot furry vacuum has massive trust issues but instead of glasses giant anteriors have a pair of claws that can rip through concrete and put a jaguar in a box anteaters have no choice but to choose first degree and if they had thumbs they'd probably play world of warships world of warships is a team-based strategy-centric sea battle that's free to play and available on pc the game features over 400 historical ships that you can pilot through beautiful landscapes and intricate maps you also have the option to say strategy and just blow everyone in the imam of jerusalem there's five different types of warships you got destroyers battleships cruisers aircraft carriers and submarines i definitely prefer the cruisers because in my opinion they're most versatile and they're the best ones for beginners and you're probably wondering does even play the games he advertises well this video is actually two days late because of this game so uh that should tell you something download the game with the link in the description and use the promo code boom at registration a cop a massive starter pack which includes 200 doubloons 2 ships 20 restless fire camouflage 2.5 million in credit and 7 days access to a premium account huge starter pack to put your ops in a pack and they have special events all the time in fact there was a point where you could play with godzilla or king kong as the commander of your [ __ ] little disclaimer though this game might just cost you a few friendships because it can get very cutthroat just like an a-eater because those switchblades for fingers can destroy termite mounds as strong as concrete and also tear your throat open with one swing you might be wondering why i spent so much time going on about jaguars where they're not even one of the four animals of this video well one run time i need those mid-rolls but really it's cause as strong as jaguars are they'll often hesitate to attack and often be sent running by an animal that looks like it could be bought at a dollar tree cause even a murder weapon with whiskers knows that one swinging connect from a motivated giant anteater could connect you to god's wifi especially since the giant anteater has a secret weapon that you probably didn't even realize giant anteaters have a long bushy tail that they can use as an umbrella when it gets too sunny or as a blanket when it gets too cold but if you're a jaguar looking for takeout that big fluffy tail can make it difficult to tell which end is the head and guessing the wrong end is a good way to be left behind is a thing of the past whether you're a jaguar or a human that is right this seven foot of steel wool has human bodies under its belt once in brazil a hunter cornered a giant anteater and the beast proceeded to slash his thigh severing his femoral artery and punching his ticket to the afterlife giant anteaters pretty much walk on their knuckles that way their claws are as sharp as they need to be once they actually have to use them and remember because they have poor eyesight their first response is usually violence in 2007 a zookeeper lost her life after being severely mauled by an anteater in an attack that slashed her stomach open fun fact if you ever see an anteater do this it's not an invitation of affection it's the last winner you get before they start swinging and it's a warning that can send even one of the boldest big cats running back the way they came now to be fair when you share an area code with nonsense like this you have to treat everything equally as a threat zebras are exactly that but on steroids thanks to the generational trauma of lions hyenas crocodiles wild dogs and each other trust me i'll explain that later these oreo donkeys are one of the most homicidal animals that no one ever expects google what animal causes the most injuries to zookeepers and you might just get this panda ponies headshot cause zebras especially the males are aggressive possessive territorial and worst of all unpredictable now add the fact that the heaviest ones can weigh 900 pounds with a kick that can shatter your ribs and a bite that can leave you with less hands than you started with and you'll see why zebras are unironically one of the most vicious things zookeepers ever have to deal with there's a reason we never domesticated them and it's because they're just [ __ ] with stripes this barcode horse is actually closer related to wild donkeys and to horses so when a zebra is being an ass it's because it's literally in his blood and out of all the species of prison ponies it's the grevy zebra that seems to be the most on site once at the national zoo in dc a gravy named jumu attacked and bit a chunk out of one of his keepers the reason well if he had one he didn't tell anybody the attack was apparently so brutal that one of the dhamma's gazelles that witnessed it freaked out ran full force into a wall and proceeded to snap its spine because he knew that not even witness protection could save him if jomo decided to come for his life next i've seen zebras kick the life points out of other animals for the simple crime of existing too close to them that is nothing compared to how they treat each other male zebras will run the ones with each other for a chance to earn a harem of females of their own these heated discussions can end up crippling the loser basically making it a hot pocket for the first pride of blinds or claiming hyenas to catch him and as you'd expect from an animal dressed in black and white zebras stand for equality meaning equal rights and equal fights if a male sees a pregnant female he'll repeatedly attack her until a pregnancy gets terminated and these attacks often involve his penis getting put in the special victims unit causes the female zebra to release hormones hormones that cause the body to either reabsorb the fetus or straight up miscarry but what if the baby is already born you won't like the answer and neither will he surprisingly a lot of male animals the zebra will personally erase any children that didn't come from well his and some of these attempts involved drowning the zebrafall all while the mother desperately tries to save her baby zebras have a dark side that has nothing to do with their stripes and everything to do with their purely homicidal tendencies and just like with lions once a new male takes control of a harem his first order of business involves casey anthony any babies his previous leader might have left behind all of that aside zebras are a textbook example of a victim gaining power and becoming the bully zebras are just fundamentally [ __ ] up animals built on roid rage and the pain of generational evisceration this isn't to make you hate zebras but to remind you that if racing stripes were accurate it'd go from a comedy to a snuff film with disrespectful quickness you can't trust an animal born with its own prison jumpsuit you also can't trust any animal born with an australian area code especially since almost everything down there has evolved to evict your soul in some of the most creative ways possible see this kangaroo in the water it's because their defense mechanism involves leading predators to large bodies of water so they can attempt a reverse baptism this flightless bird has daggers for feet that can disembowel you with one kick not even platypus are safe because males are armed with a venomous spur that can release toxins more powerful than morphine which means not only can real life perry put you in a hospital it can cause excruciating pain that lasts months but the thing with these animals is they're pretty hard to miss which is why these are not the animals you should be most afraid of in australia because out of all the nonsense nature uploaded to the land down under this fish might be the most blatant middle finger to us the stonefish gets its name because if it doesn't move it can be impossible to tell apart from any other rock in the ocean which would be fine if nature didn't also go and make one of the most venomous things in the ocean this murder guppy has a set of dorsal spines that when threatened will extend up if you accidentally step on it those dorsal spines will penetrate your skin like a hypodermic needle and inject you with a venom called varucotoxin all this from a fish that cosplays as a [ __ ] stone most venomous and poisonous animals flex bright colors to one possible enemies that touching them is rsvp'ing to the cloud cookout poison dart frogs and coral snakes have their own gang colors for this reason so having the most venomous fish on the planet also look like a pet rock as one of the biggest dick moves nature ever pulled not only can stepping on it threaten your entire way of life those spines can shoot through the soles of most shoes once you've been stung the countdown's already started if not treated the veruco toxin can cause crippling pain and difficulty breathing escalating all the way to convulsions and paralysis if you're lucky enough to be in the water when the process hits then you get to experience the worst and final symptom of them all oh yeah and the harder you step the more venom gets pumped into your body once the venom's inside you it inhibits nerve impulses which is why it gets harder and harder for you to breathe and just for the record out of all the animals this dude's been around it was actually a stone fish that brought him closest to retirement from life and because australia this hellspawn with gills can actually survive out of water for up to 24 hours but if i'm being honest here the chances of you being turned into a hashtag by this fish are very very low but that's only thanks to anti-venom because again since it's so easy to mistake this fish for a rock seriously there's four of them in this picture stonefish antivenom is the second most administered in all of australia would be number one if the red back spider wasn't a thing and to add insult to excruciating incapacitating agony the stonefish doesn't even use its venom to hunt the way the blue ring octopus does between that and the fact that again it looks like a [ __ ] inanimate object there's almost no reason for this poisonous pet rock to be this toxic being that good at not being seen but punishing people for not seeing you with venom that you probably didn't even need in the first place is why i can confidently say that stonefish is the most australian thing alive it's like choosing invisibility as a superpower but then emptying a clip on someone for accidentally stepping on your foot it's a level of evolutionary dickery that unfortunately can be found in shallow tropical waters all around the world remember when i said a zebra scientifically closer to being an ass than an actual horse i meant that in terms of zebra sitting closest to donkeys in the echo's family reunion and in terms of donkeys being infinitely tougher than people ever give them credit for all jokes aside donkeys are really just some hood horses the reason donkeys are known for being stubborn is because they have a higher affinity towards self-preservation which is just my stuck up way of saying like zebras the trauma of being constantly hunted has made donkeys more cautious less trustful and more likely to kick your chest in of course a donkey can be a great companion but only when you've earned its trust but if there's one animal a donkey will never trust it's anything that looks even remotely like a dog not only will donkeys defend themselves they've been known to clap coyotes and then play with their ragdoll of a corpse yes they hate them that much as a rancher if you had to choose between a 20-gauge shotgun and a donkey you're better off choosing a horse with a napoleon complex cause you don't have to reload a donkey then boys is always on go their prejudice towards the entire canine race means donkeys will often instinctively protect livestock from cannons like coyotes foxes and wild dogs and by protect i mean they'll river dance on a dog's body and then bite and throw them around until they eventually break something that can't be fixed one reason donkeys are basically black air force affiliated horses because horses are typically pack animals that rely on each other wild donkeys are often solitary and territorial meaning they only got themselves and of course you don't have to be a dog to get handed to hooves donkeys will put humans in check if they feel like they need to i'm about to hop into this cage with this monkey hold this a few moments later oh dude i can't he's got me here but of course donkeys don't just stop at people and dogs once upon a time a full-grown male donkey allegedly kicked the life points out of a young inexperienced grizzly bear when ranchers eventually found the bear's body its ribs were broken one of his legs was fractured at the shoulder and his job might as well have been made of porcelain the way it got shattered and of course there was that one time a donkey reminded a hyena that ain't sweet just because he left the trenches because apparently the crime of just looking like a dog is enough to get the smoke because if we're being honest donkeys are just honey badger horses and you're not going to change my mind about it eeyore was never depressed it's just that he had to be constantly reminded of the war crimes he committed if you take one thing away from this video donkey giving a whole dragon to deep dis treatment makes more sense than you realize bro was genetically sequenced different and that's four animals that nobody ever expects but will airdrop you to the gulag if you like this video and this content for some reason the link to my patreon is going to be in the description becoming a patron gives you access to videos before i post them and even exclusive content that you might not see anywhere else but as always please don't feel like you have to spend money to support someone you've never met before but please feel like you need to subscribe though i'm not asking you i'm telling you subscribing cost you nothing but not subscribing might just cost you your non-vital organs alternatively subscribe or i'll send a giant anteater to your address and let him decide what happens next and i can make it look like an accident don't play with me better people have done worse for less aight peace out

Channel: Casual Geographic

Views: 1,606,126

Rating: 4.9707112 out of 5

Keywords: Mndiaye_97 TikTok, Mndiaye_97 YouTube, Hood Nature, TikTok, Funny TikTok, Animal facts, Evolution

Id: MELLwEHEImQ

Length: 13min 36sec (816 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 24 2021