3 Reasons Why The Narcissist Comes Back After No Contact | Ask Anoushka

[Music] [Music] hello and welcome back to our skanka I hope that you're all doing really well so today's video is all about the narcissist and them coming back I'm going to talk about three main reasons why they do come back this doesn't happen in every single scenario you've got to think of the narcissist as they recycler all right their chances as well you have to see them as people that are going to come back to ex partners because it serves a purpose for them all right this is only because of them it it's not the reason that they have suddenly realized and they have seen the light and that they realize that they have lost you because they love you so much or they have loved an ex so much and they want to return to them no that's not what this is is about it's to serve a purpose and that purpose is what I'm going to talk about in this video narcissists like the predictability of stable relationships because they know that they're going to get their needs met meaning they know that they're going to get attention and emotional validity and that's what they're looking for it isn't anything else it's not about longevity in this relationship they are looking for something stable meaning that they need that person person to supply them with attention and that's the main need of a narcissist is to get that attention and to get the emotional validity remember I talk about this quite a lot in the videos they never got this as children so this is what they're looking for this is what they're looking for for their need to be met it doesn't matter about you because you're not important in this what matters is that they get that need met so they like the predictability of relationship simply because they know what's going to happen next this is why they control and this is why they manipulate people and situations so that they can have the predictability of the outcome they know what's going to happen next if they can predict what's going to happen next then they will maneuver the situation manipulate the situation so that outcome actually happens and why do they do that because they want their needs met attention Okay the the first thing that I would say the reason why the narcissist returns is because of object constancy and in Psychology this term means that they treat somebody as an object meaning that they treat someone very surface level there's no depth in their interaction with you they treat you as something that is inter changeable to them so there isn't any emotion in it they just do it because you serve a purpose and that's really difficult to try and get your head around when you're somebody who possibly is really empathetic really compassionate and very kind and to try and understand that somebody would treat you like an object or see you as an object is quite difficult it's it's quite a difficult concept to Gras cuz I didn't understand it but what it does mean is is that there is no emotional attachment to that person or to that thing meaning the object for example the way that I can describe it is you know you've got a mobile phone you know you I love my mobile phone because it does a lot of things for me you know I can write text messages I can phone people my social media I can run my business on it and I can keep in contact with people you know all the time 24/7 so I love the phone that the fact that it does that for me but I'm not in love with my phone and the here is the issue okay they don't have a a solid understanding of what love and attachment actually is when you love somebody this is a different type of love to what you would love your phone or maybe your car your house and so on and so on these things are objects they serve a purpose so they are also quite interchangeable so so if your car doesn't work well okay you either get it fixed or you go and buy a new one or similar if your phone doesn't work you get it fixed or you get a new one so the phone has served its purpose and you just get another one and that's what we mean by object constancy there's no depth there's no bonding in that relationship what it means is it gives them something that gets their needs met all of that that you feel that you have with the narcissist that is the illusion that's the mirror okay they pretend because they don't know how to connect and this is the void that they feel although some may recognize it but a lot of them don't so the next re the next reason why a narcissist will return is that narcissists don't experience empathy or they have very little empathy okay so what I mean by that is the narcissist has no regard for you all right so they can just leave and they're happy with that and this is why they're able to move on so quickly and they might manufacture in their mind that probably you deserved it just to justify to themselves that what they have done is the right thing to do so that they have to move on because there's something wrong with you this is usually why the smear campaign happens they have to put you down and they have to make others kind of believe that lie believe that there's something wrong with you so they might later on in time think hold on a minute I've got a new Supply this new Supply isn't working for me maybe I'll come back to the old one because they convince themselves remember they're really impulsive they have to make themselves believe that they are right that they are doing the right thing okay even though it's sheer Madness so they'll convince themselves that actually maybe they need to go back to an ex because that person is able to serve their needs remember they need predictability and they need comfort in these type of interactions and the third reason why the narcissist will return is the almighty confidence that you will take them back they stand really self assured and they feel like why would you not want them they you know you they believe that when you were with them you had the most amazing experience the most amazing relationship so this is why they believe that you are going to take them back and again like I said before they're really impulsive they they live in this fantasy world they don't really actually live in reality they don't understand that maybe you are hurting that you need an explanation closure for what happened last time but this is why they leave and they come back because they feel that they can come back at any time that you will want them back that it's going to be okay with whatever they have done and whatever has happened so you see there's three main things why a narcissist will return you're the only one that can say it is the end cuz it really is up to you whether you're going to put up with this treatment whether you're going to put up with this abuse any longer this all depends down to you the narcissist will come back if you allow them to if you don't want this then that's it it's over so guys I really hope that this video has helped to you to make sense of this and to help you understand why a narcissist would come back I would really hope that this will be able to give you more depth and more information and to help you to kind of move past this and to kind of protect you to look after yourself if you are someone that is going through this uh I do offer onetoone consultations do see the description box below and also every Monday I do Post in the journal Club if you would like to join the journal Club please see the description box below thank you so so much for watching and I will see you in the next video goodbye [Music]

Channel: Ask Anoushka

Views: 121,404

Keywords: narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, npd, narcissist, toxicpeople, toxicrelationship

Id: _ofm4LhZlJA

Length: 8min 43sec (523 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 07 2022