- So what is it that causes us to want more and more of something, that creates that addictive behavior? What has social media and casinos and video games figured out that causes and compels human behavior? Well, the cool part is it's no mystery, there's actually a predictive formula for how to cause someone to
want more and more of something. I was recently reading
a book called 'Hooked' and it lays out exactly what casinos and video games and social media have figured out that causes people to move into addictive behaviors, and what's fascinating is
that there are certain women who do these behaviors naturally. And so today I'm gonna share
with you three behaviors that can cause your man
to become addicted to you, check it out. (soft music) Hey, there, my name is Mat Boggs and I'm the founder of the
Love and Relationships Division of the Brave Thinking Institute. And our mission is empowering people to create and live lives they love living, and that includes your love life. so if you like this video, I encourage you to click
that subscribe button and click the little bell notification because every week we bring
you videos to empower you in your love life. Now, I know the word addiction usually has a negative connotation, when you're addicted to drugs or addicted to a behavior
that's destructive, but you can also become addicted to behaviors that are constructive, that are actually life-giving, healthy habits like eating
healthy or exercising or love in and of itself. And so as you hear these three behaviors, I encourage you to use
them for good in your life. Use them to help expand and support the love that you're giving
and receiving with your man. So the first behavior
that draws men to you and wanna spend more
and more time with you, to think more and more
about you, to be with you, is it feels good. Now, what feels good to men isn't exactly the same as
what feels good to women on a generalized scale. When I ask women in my coaching program to close their eyes and visualize the relationship that they would love, and then describe to me how
they feel in that relationship, almost always these two
emotions associated with that, is that they feel safe
and they feel secure. And it's fascinating
because when you ask men to close their eyes and visualize
being in the relationship and how they would love to feel, you'll be hard pressed to find a guy that says I wanna feel safe
and I wanna feel secure. The vast majority of men
are not saying that, why? Because generally speaking, a woman moves in and through the world, she's got safety on our
mind, she doesn't feel safe, she is not feeling a
hundred percent secure, men on the other hand have
no comprehension of that for the most part, for the most part they're feeling safe, for the most part they're feeling secure. What a man will say he wants
in a relationship is fun. What feels good to a man
in a relationship is fun. The more fun you're creating, the more fun you're having together, the more he's likely to become
addicted to that experience because the better it will feel, the more he feels good, the more of those experiences
that he will want. So when you're hanging out with your man, notice what percentage of the interaction are things that are fun in nature, light-hearted, life-giving, expansive, versus drama or depressing topics, critical topics, heavy topics, those things, while it might
feel like you're going deep and forming a bond and connection with him over those topics, what you're missing is the fun aspect. And the good news is you can create fun just by focusing on it. We have a value of we create joy, laughter and
fun in all aspects of our life. So when you dial up the fun, you will dial up his desire for you. The second behavior is investment. You see, as human beings, we are wired up to value
what we put effort into. In fact, the Harvard Business Review studied the Swedish furniture maker, IKEA, and they coined a term
called the IKEA effect, and check this out, this is fascinating. So apparently IKEA has you
assemble your own furniture and that's one way that
they keep their prices low. But what they found out is that people who assembled
their own furniture actually went into what's
called cognitive bias where they have a
disproportionately higher value on the furniture because they made it, in other words, they desire it more because they invested in making it. And so you take two pieces of furniture, one that the person made, one
that the person didn't make, they will pay more money for
the furniture that they make than the furniture they don't make, and IKEA gets to save money because they don't have
to make the furniture, they let their customers make it. This was mindblowing for business owners. And the same thing is
true in relationships, that when you put an
investment in something, you value it more, the same way that you value
a relationship that's longer more than you value a
relationship that's shorter, why? Cause you've got more invested, you've got more time invested, emotional connection invested, more investment all the way around. So how can you invite a man to
invest into the relationship? Easy, by holding standards. Your standards are
opportunities for investment. You get to decide your standards, you're the highest authority, but every standard that you have, a standard where you say this
is what's required to kiss me, this is what's required
to take me on a date, this is what's required before
these other things happen. As he makes investments and earns his way to the date with you,
to the kiss with you, to spending the night
with you, all of that, all of that investment
actually causes him to value the relationship between you even more than he would if he didn't
put that investment in. And that's what's key. And so you can say things like, you know, it takes a really
special man to win my heart, or if he wants to go straight to a date and even not even talked on the phone yet, you can say, I'm up for a date but, why don't you give me a call and if we get along on the phone, then we'll meet up in person. Or if he wants to spend the
night and sleep together, you can say, you know, I'm
reserving that for someone with whom I'm in a committed relationship, but and we're not quite there yet. So you're holding your standards and every time he makes these investments into the relationship, his
desire for you goes out. Now, if you want some
support in identifying exactly what your standards are and some great language for how to communicate those standards, I'll post a link to a resource
in the comment section below or in the description, go
ahead and click that link and it's to a course that I
teach called Manifest your Man. And that's one of the things
that we go in depth in in that course and I think
you're really gonna love it. So if that resonates with you, go ahead, click that
link and check it out. And this brings me to number three which is rewards or variable rewards. Now, I want to put a
disclaimer on this one is that you should never feel obligated to give your man a reward
that you're uncomfortable with or that you feel guilted into or should it into, like,
you should give this to him, no, reward should be something authentic, that you feel good about giving your man and he feels good about receiving. So that said, this is what
makes the investment worth it. This is the payoff. This is the reward. The reward that your man receives from making these investments, that then creates this pleasure loop. You see, he's having fun,
he's putting in investments, then he gets a reward for
that and he's having more fun, and it just creates this
beautiful feedback loop where he wants more and
more and more of this. So now what kind of thing
could be a reward for your man? What do you think? Well, most often women
will go straight to sex. They'll say sex is a reward
or some sort of sexual reward like a great wet kiss, you know, from anything from a kiss to making love, and well, yes, that is a
great reward, of course, because men love sex, there are other kinds of rewards as well, psychological rewards, emotional rewards, and there's almost nothing more
valuable that your man wants than validation and appreciation. So when you acknowledge him
for something that he's done, where you say, hey, thank you so much for driving all the way
across town to take me out, that really means a lot to me, or he's giving you a hug
and you say something like, you make me melt when I'm in your arms, he's going to love that,
these psychological, these emotional rewards
are absolutely fantastic. And so remember we said that rewards which can be right after he
does something nice for you and variable rewards which means a reward when
he's not even expecting it. So let's say the two of you
are committed with one another, you're enjoying this beautiful
exclusive relationship, and so you decide to send
them a sexy pic of you, and you're like, hey, check this out, just thinking about you,
can't wait till you get home, he wasn't expecting it, boom, that's a massive reward for him or some sort of compliment, hey, I appreciate you being my man, I value you so much, you're amazing, amazing text you send, those variable rewards
trigger that reward response, feels pleasurable and
he wants more of that. So when you ignite fun, when you help him invest
in the relationship and then provide that reward, that is a feedback loop
that he's gonna want more and more and more of. Now, my question for you
is what have you discovered causes a man to want to be with
you more and more and more, that addiction feeling
in the relationship, go ahead and post that in
the comment section below, I appreciate you, thanks for
watching and I'll see you soon. (upbeat music)
