22 minutes of family guy funny moments

okay kids I know how you always wanted kittens so guess what I brought home this very pregnant about to burst distended nipple Street cat you can't bring home a feral cat she doesn't want to be around people right now she needs a quiet space to have her kittens yeah so everyone gather around close her name is Sophie and she's fully dilated Chris she doesn't like that but I understand the Instinct now we all need to do our part to help with the birst Meg boil some water Brian get some clean Rags rest blankets do e Band-Aids for me Isn't it nice that we're spending this time together as a family let's go spend it in the ER you and Dad were right I'm not smart enough to be here can you come get me please Mom okay honey of course we will hang on I got another call hello l i met the gym I hat it here I want to come home everybody's so mean and there there is one guy who follows me around and calls me fat well I suppose hang on honey I'm getting another call hello hey is fat ass home yet put him on I want to talk to him you can't imagine how it feels to have your heart broken so many times aun Carol mom says you'd make a great Florida [ __ ] what does that mean oh Chris I I said that about Kate Hudson you know I always thought I'd be a good Florida [ __ ] thanks to you my hair days like this when we stop look dad this isn't going to be a cak walk right I'm your supervisor m m I promise I'll do better at this job than I did on the SATs come on your meth yeah Lois is right as bad as you look the damage you've done to your heart and your lungs is no doubt exponentially worse what well try cutting to the outside of the house over some music that usually [Music] works I'll tell you what you should do with it absolutely nothing that's the problem with this world too many people go overboard with what they believe like Quagmire when he thought he was the one getting the spin-off see you later [ __ ] have fun with your stupid giant chicken jokes and your Conway twit hey why is there a moving truck outside Cleveland's house okay look dad is really easy all you have to do is sit on his lap give him a big kiss on the cheek look him right in the eye and he's butter what the hell yeah the scouts are no fun and I oh wait a minute R I am going to stand up walk out of this room and we will never speak of this again how would I even ask her it's easy you and I will just make a video about how sad you are and put it online she's very interactive with all her fans I guess it's worth a shot of course it is if she says yes you'll surprise everyone just like you did on New Year's Eve 3 2 1 some animals give be [Music] boners and Now ladies and gentlemen Sumo tonight brought to you by Asian tricks phy wbit twixs are for kids you share jeez it's like he thinks I'm going to shoot him he's acting all crazy like Quagmire when he drunk dials me hello hey what are you what are you doing quag my I'm sleeping yeah I was just out with Joe what what you what are you doing I just told you oh that's right I just I I just asked that I forgot hey hey this song made me think of you so wait listen to this song isn't that awesome you said you weren't going to call him it's not him you big bully Joe Joe you told me not to call you so so what so what are you doing all right Chris this is one of the oldest hobbies in existence Franken hey hey good times just walked in oh hey he can't be in here he's not 21 all right just hang out here for a little bit h all right I see you later gang hey FR what are you doing here you're supposed should be a camp what am I paying for I could have gone pro if it wasn't for my bum knee just what we need another girl you said it wow I'd like to play doctor with her and and remove her inflamed appendix before it bursts causing sepsis giggity giggity [Music] giggy all right sir sir ma'am I just need you to tell me clearly and calmly what happened one at a time this get little into my no freaking way guys I told you to wait in the car domestic abuse is a very delicate matter yo this isn't domestic abuse this is hilarious and another thing I'm tired of massaging your foot Knuckles you call that a massage with your baby carrot fingers go to hell come here get over here get your face from you over you and I'm going to all right that's enough you two this is serious stop it you quick C give me your [Music] iPod got him oh they got tuckered up of course they did they ran like two miles for them hey Chris where's your father he's still trying to get that rope away from Brian he's got to give up that Obsession I don't like what it's doing to him precious once precious rope Peter enough with the Rope also once I just scream no Peter it's too close to dinner time get I scream anyway don't you dare all right but I'll be back in a moment there's another movie thing I am Johnny Five need input input is ice cream I need ice cream did I say I'm Johnny Five yet you didn't go to work today did you but from now on I'm going to be a better father and grandfather we're going to spend real time together really oh that'd be wonderful I haven't been this happy since since I went on Safari oh my God this is so much faster than Firefox all right let me go to Facebook a it's autofilling fat butt rodeo Peter you were supposed to stay on Firefox you know what I'm I'm going to invite a few of these fellas over for a party see Lois I told you we had allies hey slow on you made it I didn't know what to bring so I made klaw it's made out of people just kidding hey is momar here yet nice going Jo well it's great being back in the north where people are civilized hey what are you guys all on a date G people please first things first is there anyone here for the couch off of Craig's List I am oh good come on in that is is the picture from Craigslist no way it is it is no way it is all right what are the rest of you want we want the city government shut down oh I see and all of you feel the same way yes no yes well I'm nothing if not a public servant and the public has made his feelings known I hereby declare kohawk city government disbanded it has been my pleasure to serve you and now I take my leave this column is mine I brought it from home all right Peta I'm leaving Bonnie invited me to the shooting range what yeah Bonnie says she goes every week I think next time you should bring someone else you joined the Tea Party that's right Brian I finally got something better to do with my Saturdays than sit at the mall and watch Japanese girls laugh at normal conversation so I drove to work this morning and I had to stop for coffee so there's a Starbucks near my house you people are a circus no Connie beating up that Jewish kid made me popular come on girls let's go upstairs and make out oh no Connie's been hurt I guess I should lie on top of her to keep her warm what are you looking at it's a cartoon well I expected to put myself to bed is no one taking care of me he's a worse dad than a rich New York City investment banker hi Daddy at school today they picked one kid Billy it's in here again miss sorry Mr Sir get out the room damn dare your B your father him unhappy him had you in the first place now come on I'll let you rub some lotion on me elbows oh my muffins are ready you made muffins well it wasn't the muffin fairy oh was it go ahead try it try it Dad I think Mom's right maybe you should go back to that doctor well now wait a minute Meg let's not be too hasty these are delicious what's the secret ingredient SPO jizum what oh oh you oh you thought no no no no SPO jizum it's a sugar substitute from the Czech Republic that's right my God I can't believe I stole this you know what I don't feel bad that woman's a nightmare oo I should text this to my best friend sick Broach Adam are you done with that mayor homework yet m called a bill Mom oh I think we got to the root of the problem didn't we Lo us absolutely all right let's dop her up good turn that mouth off no Peter the problem is you what what the hell are you doing you're supposed to be my friend Dr Brown I just killed nine people I mean I have ducks on my feet old crazy harmless mayor quack quack apparently the Greeks have a bunch of different gods Athena is the goddess of wisdom Poseidon is the god of the sea and I am Kronos the god of time oh cool what do you do I tell the time and make gift baskets so are you also the god of gift baskets I don't know you tell me Rosewood mango candle Kronos I know I know it's 4:30 by the way [Music] the people of Troy's chocolate has gotten into our peanut butter the people of gree's peanut butter has gotten all over our chocolate we could perhaps try the combined taste or we could fight to the death guys stop the battle of the gree's peanut butter cup has gone on too long let us agree to disagree huh what a pleasantly de-escalating phrase that I'm just now hearing for the first time yes we will agree to disagree the war between the Greeks and the Trojans is over to Greece now let's go call a bunch of jagged rocks a [Music] beach bye Patty bye Esther bye overzealous Asian kids lining up to be the first ones in school tomorrow go away no time to say bye I pass you cuz you lose focus damn L Focus life over Lois you know I love you like a brother but I'm not doing that I'd only get in an Arwood campfire crackle argument with a counselor Jesus has love for everyone uh actually what Jesus has is the might of West civilization Jesus has Guns Germs and Steel sorry the wood is very wet uh actually the wood is very dry wet wood hisses drywood crackles during uncomfortable silence I like cutaways where I get to be smart yeah and I served honorably as a un interpreter okay he's mad about something he appears to be talking really fast he spits whenever he makes the chi noise which in this language happens a lot I'm expected to entertain him and his wife tonight so if anyone knows a good restaurant in the area Sushi or tapis some way they're always bringing stuff to the table so you have something to talk about you know hey watch this this looks good that's it War oh war war that last sentence was about war that's all my life is lately just a bunch of chores sick of Lois always making me do stupid stuff I know what you're saying Peter Bonnie's always making me do all these impossible household tasks Jo make sure you get all the tire tracks out of the carpet learn to live with it Bonnie there are tracks people make tracks screw off I don't want anything to do with you or your damn laws they'll just take a look will you you're Banning straight to video Disney films absolutely I mean look at this Aladdin four Jafar may need glasses number one number two um number one one number two um about the same number one might be a tiny bit better number three number four number three five and six five and six uh about the same yeah they're pretty much can I see five one more time five and six yeah they're about the same okay you all remember the plan we walk up wearing our Bill Crosby masks Peter that's President Obama oh did I just do a racism sorry but according to this map you're not even part of these United States which would make you a communist damn usually my Mal contents are skinnier would you come back in a week when my fat malc content trapdoor would will be completed I'm not coming back in a week or ever I've had it with you and I've had it with this whole damn government fine I love this job more than I love Taffy and I'm a man who enjoys his Taffy M what the hell's the matter with you honey you know if there's something wrong you can tell me hey yeah sorry manam I late what I miss oh thank God you're here what do I do tell him to keep playing he's in too deep uh I don't know Hey where's the other guy God this is unbelievable apparently the Greeks have a bunch of different gods Athena is the goddess of wisdom Poseidon is the god of the sea and I am Kronos the god of time oh cool what do you do I tell the time and make gift baskets so are you also the god of gift baskets I don't know you tell me Rosewood mango candle Kronos I know I know it's 4:30 by the way I am packing my bags and I'm out of here you're getting divorced no I'm just leaving for a few days and ruining the C Christmas you're ruining Christmas by su the city over holiday decorations no I'm just leaving my family for the holidays you do E de jokes no no one's doing death jokes well I can't hear so I don't know not do what I don't know I think we I think I think we are doing de jokes at this point oh hey story hey sometimes when Daddy drive home drunk they come from far away places but it's okay because they didn't get arrested and they're still kind of drunk so they they think it's okay you should know that Mom has emotionally let you go it won't be long before she takes a lover oh my head you already has two cell phones oh my God I I married a hooker married a right Bachelor Party come on back to Boston oh oh damn it I guess we're not going hey Stewie here's five bucks get naked Chris Stewie oh my God all right don't freak out Peter don't freak out like you did when your goldfish died here you go Lieutenant shiny sides it's okay you don't have to eat it now you're just sleeping you'll eat it later you'll eat it later Lieutenant shiny sh I got it H says Glen Quagmire but if you squint then imagine it says Peter Griffin it says Peter Griffin Peter it's Quagmire take it next door hold on Lois now this poses a very difficult ethical dilemma do I deliver the package to its rightful owner or do I open it up and see if it contains He-Man do not open that box you know Lois physicists believe there are two alternate universes one in which I don't open the box and one in which I do I'm not going to open the box I'm going to open the box a sweet it's a whip hea be careful with that thing remember we'll rent in this house that's depressing wow I haven't felt this powerful since I got to decide which ant lives and which ant dies you shall battle to the death and the winner will be given his freedom why you looking at me like that Peter would you like a class of oh my God I told you not to play God with those ants well I'm glad you get to go out to public again Brian I'm glad you Chris and Meg are back from that Christian Camp where is Meg anyway oh she was so mad I dragged her to Christian Camp she ran away to live with a Japanese family Family Guy over on foxy there you are Peter I caught Stewie smoking that cigarette company is evil we can't be a part of this anymore always this is the best job I ever had hey since I became president profits have been higher than Alissa Milano what kind of cheap shot Joel I'm suing I'm suing I'm on it I'm on Ito no damn it Peter being su's Godfather doesn't mean you're in the mob and you can't bring a cat to church why not he's Catholic he doesn't muttly laugh you think you're up to it of course I just have to apply myself like Chris when he worked at that casino no more bets the money that could have gone to your kids is gone no more bets the money you worked hard for is gone fools fools fools o double zero nobody thinks about that one and Guy Walks quickly away from table without a word replaced by an older white man with a much younger black woman no more bets no more bets remember those sweet warm New England Summers remember sipping lemonade underneath a Shady Tree remember when you hit that pedestrian with your car at the crosswalk and then just drove away pepd Farm remembers but PID Farm ain't just going to keep it the PID Farm self free of charge maybe you go out and buy yourself some of these distinctive Milano cookies maybe this whole thing just disappears what was going on in here the windows are steamed up like when Subways making the bread hey what's going on in here we're making the bread sir good now get back to making sandwiches with the shiniest turkey on Earth Subway have it your way if your way is very wet Brian's getting old he's not the dog he used to be and I'll have to get used to it just like I got used to my acrylic nails scan wine stock and rean hey Londa now I got four people on hold but I can't talk and this is a 74 PIR lovely Carter did you tell your son-in-law he's not supposed to swallow the water

Channel: 🤯squrehead🤠

Views: 7,780

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Id: M8hGqlBqtKM

Length: 22min 37sec (1357 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 06 2024