22 INSANE Christian Shows FOR KIDS!

remember we want to be your favor this one says go away we want cartoons well your cartoons actually it says other cartoons oh yes I want to watch real cartoons none of this bullcrap and before you accuse me of hating every Christian understand that I'm not attacking Christianity at this video but rather the terrible content created by snake oil salesmen in order to sell your own beliefs back to your children you should be more offended by this crap than I am if you don't want something amazing and also teaches your kids some good morals try My Little Pony so seriously it's a good show nonetheless this video has been sponsored by some amazing people if you see on screen now we got a book called to raise dreams and straight track it screams it's a creepypasta book created by a lovely friend of mine so if you wouldn't mind checking out the Amazon link in the description I'd appreciate that but first please watch this video so sit back relax turn down the lights and welcome to my dungeon as we go over some of the most crazy and insane Christian shows for kids [Music] just about every big skeptic or LGBT youtuber covered these cartoons these are called Caleb and Sophia videos basically a bunch of religiously themed CGI videos with very specific wording designed to indoctrinate kids things like don't brag or be proud of the things you accomplished don't talk to the gays don't question things or risk being kicked out of the church instead of talking about how homophobic this is why don't I educate you about the people who made it Jehovah's Witnesses are run by the watchtower society it was started by Charles taze Russell Russell was a doomsday cult preacher who thought that people were incapable of understanding the Bible unless they read it along with his publications there are at least two terrible things to note about this religion first the idea that leaving the religion means you become an apostate which means childhood friends and family aren't allowed to talk to you anymore for the rest of your life they should grieve for you like you're dead and second they believe in something of self-induced poverty by heavily stigmatizing education getting a college education means you're ignoring jehovah's guidance college is evil sometimes this extends to finishing high school as seen by this watchtower PSA gloria why did you give me that look when i said that girls wanted to be in full text service well i was reminded recently that the safest road is to get a good job with a good company has your mom been talking to you about this again she's my mom I have to listen to her I owe it to her you know my father died when my brother now are young and then after that my mom had to raise us so nearly nothing you know if it were yes I know she was very brave okay but she didn't know Jehovah we do shouldn't we be encouraging our girls to serve Him full time why can't they do both everyone has to work right okay but what comes first work or Jehovah but you see there are so many witnesses that have prestigious high-paying jobs yeah but should we be pushing and Ann Tina to succeed in this system no I'm not I just want them to have normal life and who knows how long this system over last time and what is wrong with the living comfortably in the meantime okay this is not the last day's question okay it's always been wrong to strive to be rich no not rich just plenty just enough to give them peace of mind so that they can sleep soundly that's exactly the opposite of what the Bible says sweet is the sleep of the one serving but the plenty belongs you to the rich does not permit him to sleep but don't you think they need to fall back career just in case just in case what in case Jesus was wrong [Music] for a long time they didn't target children they just expected them to go along with whatever the adults were doing in the kingdom home however with these ads they are targeting children and it's not just anti-gay it's anti education it's anti medicine and most importantly it's anti family if you want to learn more about my experiences with the watchtower society check out my channel at the end of the video telltale atheist apology here by the majority of Christians around the world are fully on board with established science like round earth the Big Bang evolution and going to the doctor when you're sick there still exists a pocket of fundamental evangelicals who will hold only to the most literal interpretation of the Bible no matter what we learn about nature and I should know I was one of them one of the figureheads of young Earth Creationism today is Ken Ham with his Answers in Genesis ministry that includes books DVDs sunday-school materials homeschool curriculum operation museum a life-size Noah's Ark attraction and recently his own private school to indoctrinate some kids without the middleman but flash back 15 years and Ken's ministry was a little more humble and his main science team was just a guitar-playing dinosaur sculptor named Buddy Davis someone decided to put this triple threat in front of the camera for to direct to DVD movies called creation the venture team but he plays himself but his character is what you'd get if you blended Jack Black and Jumanji with Gibbs from Pirates of the Caribbean and gave him the science prowess of Jenny McCarthy if he took an episode of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers but reduced the caliber of writing acting in special effects and replaced Zords with inaccurate science lessons taught by a squeaky teen and someone in an off-putting lizard costume you'd have creation of adventure team around 2003 when this series was made the Discovery Kids Channel was taking off capturing kids imaginations with shows focusing on weird wacky science like mystery hunters Kenny the shark and bindi the Jungle Girl clearly creation aventure team was cannon buddies attempt to appear more legitimate by copying this style but forgetting to copy the substance when Discovery Kids partnered with NBC to air Christian produced VeggieTales and three two one penguins by big idea entertainment the dollar signs probably went off in Ken's eyes as creation adventure team plays just like it was a pilot episode of a pitch to the network unfortunately Frances and Genesis they missed their window as the television block ultimately failed and was rebranded in 2009 - the hub focusing on Hasbro branded shows like My Little Pony these productions are dedicated to the talking points of Ken's off main stream creation narrative most importantly the dinosaurs always lived side by side with humans the heroes go through great lengths to prove this with fossils but for some reason our own ignores the fact that one of the characters in the show is literally a dinosaur why is this living dinosaur not prove enough the message should be innocuous if are aimed at adults but in order to undermine the sciences they don't like cosmology paleontology geology just to name a few the ministry promotes a narrative that all scientists are stupid and shouldn't be trusted to protect against evolution they create a conspiracy mindset that rejects vaccines global warming and genetics advancement it was seeing firsthand how ridiculous this extreme ham ism Bible interpretation and science implications are that brought me out of the indoctrination of my youth inspired me to seek out the real answers and ultimately create a youtube channel dedicated to educating people about Ken hams crazy claims in all forms the Jesus most people believed in wouldn't have the Kate lying and the God most people believe in doesn't need protection from facts but that's what Answers in Genesis and other so-called ministries like it do and seemingly more in the name of swindling the well-meaning faithful out of money by making them believe that the eternal destiny of their children and grandchildren rests entirely upon the amount they spend in the Answers in Genesis store [Music] the donut man remaining objective for this show is nearly impossible every second you're watching this your brain is just trained to scream stranger danger and we have no problem with Christians but can we keep adults with mustaches like this away from children like that basically this show is like a Christian form of Blue's Clues or Barney the Dinosaur however this time they cover mildly disturbing subject matter for example in the show down to Jesus it talks about a man with diseases being lowered down to Jesus through a hole in another man's roof that is these man begs not to be dropped while the person who owns the house asks himself how is he going to live if the rain can get in his house they of course dropped the disease man who falls with a loud crash fortunately he is cured of all of his diseases that begs the question what does that have to do with Jesus why is this in a kid show we're pretty sure Jesus does not want you to vandalize other people's property and if you drop a man with diseases he'll any man from that height will likely die we're not sure what this is supposed to teach children other than how to get arrested or kill a sick friend Sunday School Musical created by asylum yes that Asylum the one who makes all those mock Buster's Sunday School Musical is a mock buster based off of High School Musical no this does not contain any strange disturbing cult-like material like some of the stuff produced by Joe both witnesses however this insane bizarre movie is insane and a bizarre strange movie this movie was conceptualized after a staff member of asylum attended a seminar for marketing to a Christian audience to seminar hosts suggested that the perfect movie for Christians would be a Christian version of high school musical apparently basically asylum like all of its other projects said hey let's explain an audience searching for an alternative and handler to them directly this is how we got Sunday School Musical terrible songs degrade Disney sitcom acting and furthermore I wonder how most evangelical Christians would react that they saw that the people who made this film also made movies like sex pot and two-headed shark attack basically this movie is a cash grab at its finest it shouldn't matter how old you are or if you're Christian male/female doesn't matter you should hate this movie based on the fact that someone is stealing someone else's idea for a movie and trying to repackage it to profit off of your own beliefs despite this being a mock busser based on High School Musical it's it plays more like a step it up film or one of those musical competition movies basically a church starts facing financial trouble and a group of God loving and god-fearing kids band together with the help of one more talented performer to win prize money at some sort of competition all the while taking part in petty teen politics this movie is honestly not worth the watch like Moses Island films and everyone should find this garbage offensive on some level chick track cartoons [Music] now chick track is what happens when your high school art teacher tries to create a Mad Magazine cartoon that promotes the good old Protestant Way of Jesus Christ what better way to do this than by bashing other religions expressing that everyone who doesn't follow your specific mindset will suffer eternal torment and everyone's favorite of the 80s claiming Dungeons and Dragons will leave your kids down the path of sake so in other words every Westboro Baptist church goers nightmare these short evangelical comic strips were originally created and published by religious cartoonists Jack teaching a man whose unique outlook on life and Loewe them for anything shrink and different from him led him to create a series of work that lives in infamy among any who come across these small flipbooks would tell a short tale usually involving a person committing whatever sin the subject of the day is everything from homosexuality paganism evolution AIDS or the most evil thing created reading Harry Potter some of these comments can feature alternate worlds where all Christians are persecuted and the United Drug 11 atheists are basically Nazis oh yes Jack T chick has some very interesting views and his ships are still distributed amongst evangelical Christian communities to this day despite his recent passing a year or two previously as the creation of this video most of these comics are absurd insane and just well hilarious so long as you don't actually believe in them but did you know that Jack T chick made a deal to get some of these insane booklets of stupidity into little horrifying CGI short films today we'll talk about to the [ __ ] starts off with two truckers pulling into a truck stop to grab some food that's when they spot another 18-wheeler with Jesus Saves painted on the back this for some unknown reason hurts one of the truckers and he proclaims to the other that Jesus was a [ __ ] and that only a gutless idiot would have painted that on her truck the big brawny Christian man joins the other two truckers for some food and immediately stay start to preach at least I assume it does throughout this entire short the audio mixing is just plain terrible characters speak far too softly compared to the background or sound effects or ambient music as their food is delivered to them the trucker says pausing one of the other truckers to mumble complaints about the whole situation personally I'd be shocked at the miracle that just happened before their eyes the truckers burgers transformed into chicken wings and a simple scene change behold the power of God turning beef into poultry anyway the rest of the short continues with your typical evangelical preaching all are going to hell nothing you can do can stop this unless you accept the one specifically Protestant version of Jesus your Lord and Savior meanwhile the food isn't getting served customers aren't getting their coffee in the background music is starting to drown out half of what everybody says this is coupled with some pretty graphic and just keep in mind I use that term loosely as the animation it's just about as janky as a uneven house built by a blind man with Parkinsons scenes of Jesus being whipped oh and it gets worse next Jesus has a literal fire in his eyes as he dams everyone who has sinned the hell complete with the agonizing screams and tortured wails of the man Wow who knew that the next Hellraiser movie got a bigger budget apparently this preacher Truckers words are so moving that they even touch the heart of the waitress who up to this point has been neglecting to do to drop to eavesdrop on the most monotone sermons since Ben Stein's started doing weddings eventually they all have a prayer circle and the two truckers we start off with leave of a new outlook on life that Jesus was the toughest guy around apparently because that's that's what people are saying that that Jesus was a pansy I guess all in all what makes a segment outright weird is the rubbery animation the hokey script and the monotone delivery of the lines by the actors and the outright whiplash to some of the pre-approval scenes for a kids cartoon but even this animation could be called below average but it's nothing compared to the next cartoon by the same company even though it does look like it was done by someone from Bank Widow tiny shoes is a short created by little shots and chick publication productions originally produced as a short comic strip turned into a two-for-one disc that does cut the [ __ ] and tiny shoes both on it for a runtime of 21 minutes given that tiny shoes ran for roughly 15 minutes while the [ __ ] ran for 6 or 7 this wasn't very impressive Steve West originally attended these videos to promote the story and message of Christ however with his budget he could only do so much this is the story of a man whose son just wanted a pair of tiny shoes with the money he had earned he believed that one day he could buy the land they live on for a son but his son said that he just wanted some tiny shoes time and time again some drunkards convinced want to go to the saloon where they cheat him out of his money until one day the wife's prayer brings the hand of God down on the saloon and it gets struck by lightning a by the time Quan actually buys the shoes his son has died of pneumonia there's more to be mad about in this video than just the fact that there is a fat white man paying some poor Mexicans to do his work for him this is not focused on because there's more insanity to be mad about like the kid being carried off into space and into a bright light by some strange angel man we think it's an angel but it could also be an alien this is Jack T chick afterall he tends to make up whatever he wants the animation in this is cheap but it's nothing a kid in high school couldn't do they however have a few good sequences involving demons dancing around liquor and burning down bridges what makes this story incomprehensible is that hewan son Juanito a kid who has a cut on his foot ran out in the middle of the rain to find his father but he only made his infection worse because he went out in the damn rain we don't think the story focused enough on the mother being neglectful to her son if he was able to get outside like that his son wasn't even supposed to get out of bed and he thought it was a good idea to run out and see his dad so what the story really questions you with is was it the father's fault or the mother's fault that their son died just in case you were gonna say that it was the father's fault we are shown none of what the mother does except for her watching the Sun the Sun she was supposed to be taken care of you know the kind of mother that breaks glass does not clean it up and then lets their kids feet get infected or maybe it was also these drunk arts standing out in the middle of a storm trying to scam people out of their money 20 Gerbert the Jesus puppet Gerbert is yet another puppet entry on our list today Jesus what is it with these shows and puppets Gerbert first aired on the Christian Broadcasting Network from February 1988 to December 1999 and the series was co-produced by HSH educational media and the Christian Broadcasting Network the show's name based on the titular character is a young boy potato bug thing as he goes through the adventures of early childhood learning the lessons of sharing caring and then if you lose a spelling bee you should become more salty than a league of Legends player the show's segments were short usually with Gerbert doing something wrong and then singing a song about it and this brings us to the unsettling part about this show Herbert's voice it sounds like someone took Kermit the Frog stuffed him in a saxophone ran it through a tumble dryer and then stretched it out with a taffy puller and hearing this unique voice sing is something akin to a war crime I think they outlawed at the Treaty of Versailles [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh [Music] Joshua in the promised land Joshua and the promised land is the worst thing created through the use of human hands this is not about Christianity this is about how someone looked at this and thought that they could sell it for any amount of money absolutely shameless characters glitch in and out and all the while looking like the naked mole-rats more disturbing cousin the story follows a kid who has parents who are fighting and he goes into his room and then a testicle fairy comes out of nowhere and says hey look let's talk Bible however the audio is so bad that you may think he's talking in satanic tongues I can't understand what the hell's going on at almost any point in time only my familiar understanding with the story of Joshua is able to carry me through this dark time the kid is transported to free Bible land where we are basically getting the story of Joshua you know you know to just spend a billion years and does it go off claim some land by using horns and eventually fight black people yeah in this universe as you can tell that everyone's evil because everyone's black I mean what a message tell kids all black PA could be reading now you're going down a path you won't be able to discern from I suggest knocking it off before you lose all your subs right right moving on from that awkwardness anyway this film was made by Jim LA oh I get it it was made by Jim Lyon the movies all about lions he's a writer and a director and also like like a billion voices and the animation itself and the movies made with what the hell a budget of three hundred and fifty thousand dollars if you get a bunch of drunk friends and lack the ability to make good choices in life this movie could be fun riff material animation errors exist everywhere the story is poorly told as apparently if you read the Bible hard enough your alcoholic dad and crazy psycho mother will stop being terrible people good to know Bibles fix everything currently you can buy this movie for like a dollar in eBay or you could just look it up on YouTube or you can consider ending it all now [Music] all I know is that no matter what I do I'm not getting a copyright strike on this part of video because I'm pretty sure that anyone would be too embarrassed to enforce a copyright on this stinker salty that right there is salty and he could quite possibly be the strangest Christian mascot character ever he's a giant songbook which had gained sentience and leaves his little praises into hymns and chants about how great God is the ironic thing is the fact that he himself is an abomination spawn from the depths of Hell itself we were only able to sit through Volume one of this and I would rather have my eyeball skinned this to do the rest of the salty catalogue not because it was like really bad or anything but because it was so boring all the entertainment comes from the fact that the actor who's playing salty looks uncomfortable in who can blame him the guy's painted like some kind of live-action Smurfs and left wearing a giant book costume oh but that's not just any book he's a song book I can tell because it says so right on his right nothing happens to most of the video and I'm gonna bet nothing happens in the others this is meant to be for really really young audiences so mocking this is like mocking Barney sure you can do it but you can't really gain much from it oh and PS for those of you think I'm forgetting the dog I'm not it's just every second I look at this freakish furry [ __ ] another year's added on to my therapy I gotta sleep in weeks [Music] the gospel bills show the unsub Li named gospel bill show may be one of the best so bad it's good nineties television dramas with a primary focus on biblical values between the Zinio fish sounding characters the melodramatic poorly overlaid soundtrack and the jarring unrelated puppet segments there's certainly plenty to laugh at in the fictional town of dry Gulch gospel bill maybe the sheriff but God is the law it's worth noting that dry Gulch is oftentimes anachronistic in its presentation featuring modern day televisions and answering machines alongside characters locations are clearly meant to be part of the Wild West and among these characters are some of the most overacted and obnoxious simpletons you will ever have the pleasure of witnessing in addition to the affirmation puppets and even a gruff sounding man and an ill-fated dog costume the show's direction is nothing if not overblown and sloppy but there's something so disarmingly nostalgic about the jazzy sitcom intro and the hazy purple title card the formula for each episode is as cookie-cutter as you would expect from a program with such hand-fitted morals with gospel bill acting as the voice of reason between characters who encounter everyday problems and strive with one another each episode is interspersed with cutaway segments of the puppets interacting with themselves and the other humans in ways which are rarely even tangential to the plots in addition to a Christian music video usually featuring Ken bouts and finally gospel bill himself addressing the audience at the very end to rehash the moral of this week's episode and peddle his devotional booklets in the form of his deputy club honestly between the clean records of the show's premier stars will George and kind bounce the pants it costs to join the deputy Club only one dollar per postage and relaxed approach into the including Christian themes in each episode one can't help but think that the producers really did mean well even one of the more popular episodes titled control your thoughts may sound like a cult programming doctrine but it's actually a PSA about the dangers of dwelling on stressors in your life despite the opt-in misguided and contradictory nature of gospel bills lessons and themes Heep seems like an honest guy and we can definitely recommend watching an episode or two of his dry Gulch gangs hijinks with friends who also remanence about shows like half gun will travel and bonanza Bernie the buddy holy [ __ ] is that Daddy Derek oh my god that's daddy Derek okay moving on regardless Bernie the bunny is just terrifying if someone came to me and said hey my guy can you please make some sort of crack rabbit this is what I would make or at least conceptualize I get it a lot of people want to make the next Sesame Street and they want to do some real cool puppet stuff but you know puppets are kind of hard to do right Bernie - bunny tails from the light side is a Christian nonprofit television ministry operating out as Sollux Falls South Dakota it features a rabbit named Bernie T bunny who means well but is very mischievous and naive and constantly gets into trouble unwittingly the series currently consists of 48 episodes recently action figures depicting Bernie have been produced Bernie has over 5,000 Facebook fans and why Bernie the crack rabbit needs any sort of merch is beyond me originally Bernie the bunny was a radio show as the creators could not afford a television studio Bernie first went on television in 1997 in an episode produced for children who were afraid of the hospital Bernie the puppet was made in Florida by a business named puppet planet other than that the show is kind of harmless as it just features badly acting kids and probably badly made puppets talking about general Christian morals there are very few notable things about the show which means that this kid show will not have to haunt the nightmares of anyone except for those of us who are willing to look in public access hell and nobody else thank God for that [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Gaithers pond is just terrible so let's go through this started by the Gators a known Christian musical group comprised of Benji bill and Gloria Gaither gathers pond is just a children's animated show that has horrifying visuals and general Christian morals which aren't quite as harmful as some of the other types of indoctrination you find it's kind of like VeggieTales where Gators pond goes wrong it's a fact that it's very strange all of the characters names are some sort of fish bug animal or plant pun involving the Gators first or last name for example carp Lowry is played by a Christian voice actor named Mark Lowry and Gloria gladiola is the show's representation of Gloria Gaither the sunflower it's something you just have to see for yourself or don't it's up to you it currently airs on K TV k TV is a Christian network that for some reason thinks this is a thing that should be aired you can find K TV on DISH Network on channel 264 hey there mCP here I know a bit about Bible man and I intend on delivering to you some of the weirdest info that you will see on this list I don't tell TCR one huh into his computer to insert myself into this video that said let's get right into the Bible man Bible man is a strange Christian show from the late 90s created by Willie Aames and starring Willie Aames who oddly plays you guessed it Bible man this quirky so bad it's good Christian comic book star wars ripoff features a crime-fighting duo who decides that they're going to take every verse from the Bible out of context to fight crime and anyone who does bad things you know such memorable villains like it doctor deceptive too-cool-for-school and the fiddler these are in fact real names I could not make this up even if I tried running from the 1990s to 2010 this tongue-in-cheek romp has the goal to get more people into the Christian faith unfortunately it has come under fire because it's focused on entertainment over scripture lack of production values and the focus on the director star actor Willie Aames the series has this Batman and Robin crime-fighting feel no not the good one the ones with the nipples on the costumes they generally fight their villains using Scripture or just lightsaber battles and it's almost unsettling how often they failed to put the scripture into proper context giving it whole new meanings altogether in general it's easy to see that the people making this had a lot of fun for example the reason why Bible man becomes Bible man is really goofy get this Myles Peterson a wealthy man with the best the world has to offer decides that he was missing something in life and goes into the woods so he can roll around in mud and suddenly Jesus that's how he got his gamecube purple lunchbox armor and lightsaber also there's this clip and I am dirty also the vilest villain of vengefulness thank you will not only be happy to see all the puny people harboring hidden anger explode and violent rage but I'll have my revenge on Bible men and get stinking rich at the same time it makes me wanna run back oh brother another gratuitous dance number [Music] hell they even had one scene in the episode terminating the toxic tonic of disrespect there must have been some pretty lazy parents out there for there to have been an entire episode based around a clearly evil pair of bad guys stalking drugging and getting kids addicted to an energy drink called empower the street changes the kids into complete arrogant twerps Oh disrespect no those two bad guys could sneak into a baseball field and drug some kids with everybody watching get alone sneak into a kid's house while the parents are home something must be wrong I mean God they even go and deliver em power to the concession stand every day getting more of the kids addicted to it okay maybe by that time the parents started getting addicted to the same drink as well regardless in the end Bible man broke into his lair and fought amusing verses from the Bible and eventually the poor sap was crushed to death in the name of God apparently coat left the team to become a baseball coach and Bible man couldn't accept it he was traumatized by it he could not stop thinking about him for a long time however believe of coats led to an open job which was filled with cypher and later Bible girl but now they've started to create a series of Bible man the animated adventures it looks like a cheaply made kids cartoon but despite its appearance sure it's just as messed up and despite all of the crimes committed by the dastardly duo I'm sure if you're actually following the Bible you would have worked together with your local police to put them in jail and give them a chance at redemption but not this is Bible Man we kill in the name of the Lord peace Kolbe ah the late 80s how I love thee it was a strange Wonderland of the obscure and strange with the advert and popularity of VHS companies were spouting up left-right all with the strange and sometimes nice things to peddle this was the age for Christian program and then we all try to create some sort of mascot to help appeal to children today we'll be talking about what is often known as the strangest his name is Colby and he is a Christian robot look I'm gonna be frank with you guys I knew this was gonna be great a classic material whenever I found out the title is skateboard for Christ the beautiful mental image is enough to sell me on this alone the bad acting it was simply asking on the Cape I mean listen to this amazing dialogue didn't you eat your lunch no but somebody else was it Sony rat so again yeah but he was an orphan as a child hi so let's cut to the chase and get down to the nitty-gritty so the story is about this kid who wants to buy a new skateboard the spy already have an escape for it now why would you want to do such a thing because other people have new skaters Colby and the rest of the children of corn all try to teach him that it's not what other people think the only thing that matters is what God thinks the kid however doesn't listen instead he just kind of continues to try and be cool we're on the halfway mark a strange sketch comes out of nowhere where one kid is pretending to be Noah and that's when this golden nugget happens well I can't give in to peer pressure the Lord told me to build this Ark and I've got to do it you've got quite a job ahead of you can't give in to peer pressure because he was told to do something so you can't do what other people told him because somebody else told him to it's not perfect they recite the same message over and over again with lots of nice family friendly jokes well except this but something very important is going to happen here that does not hold up it all accumulates until some random skater guy comes in and tells the kids the same thing he's been told to his whole time but like this time getting into the most late age thing in history of the late 80s [Music] [Applause] [Music] after he's told to do everything for the Lord even know you live for the Lord you do everything for the Lord you mow the lawn for the Lord wash dishes for the Lord then it just kind of ends and there goes the most beautiful thing to ever grace Hill computer just up on your board there okay go ahead swing your arms and do it 360 go ahead Circle Square Circle Square is what you might call a poor man Sesame Street I know common theme on this list and I mean a dirt-poor version originally a Canadian television series that ran from 1974 to 1986 it was produced by crossroads Christian Communications and the circle square summer camps which are a non-profit summer camp group welcoming all the kids now that doesn't sound too bad right a group that's dedicated helping kids learn and grow and have a great time during summer will also create a television show to entertain your children and teach them upstanding morals and lessons in the name of God good in theory but in practice however it comes crashing down so hard into the uncanny valley so hard it's now an uncanny crater [Music] [Applause] [Music] first off the inter Sun alone is what got me interested in to show it starts off a whole quick showcase of the cast of the day the kids are rotated so frequently in the show that it's actually kind of hard to tell it as any reoccurring characters and the kids sing to you and all the while the singing is kind of Kidz Bop level of groan worthy musical talent it's the way that they all stare at you in the most unnerving sense possible it's like the director just said okay kids look at the camera at all times while you're singing no breaking hey are you breathing back there knock it off we got to pray the bar follow me that guy yeah you go get him price and you might think well that's just a creepy cringy intro that's all no my friends for you see this show likes to have all the kids sing a lot and when they do do you think they dance shimmy around or make any form of motion to indicate the presence of life absolutely not they freeze it to whatever place they are stare at you directly with their serving soulless smiles right at you the whole time at times the puppets seem to have more lifelike glares than the kids oh right also there are puppets on the show too yeah there we go but it's nowhere near the levels of puppetry seen on the show that inspired it Sesame Street however not even blase puppet acting can save the show from the worst offender terrible acting every child actor in the show looks like they are grabbed off the street beaten put into a cabin for three months and then said hey here read these lines you'll get an extra pudding cup so guilty so what you told this Korea [Music] yes I'm sure the table knows especially when the script is written on it in big bold letters the show had a few animated segments though to call any of them animated as a stretch most consist of still images with slight tweaks a popular one of which is where the character just jump around their eye sockets like a Mexican jumping bean combined with low-budget animation and a especially low-budget writing that sounds more like a sermon that a priest would give up on and you got a genuinely terrible Christian show for kids that is just absolutely insane that anyone would think this would be eligible for broadcasting all in all circles squares probably the most harmless one on this list just don't watch in a dark room of headphones on I'm pretty sure that's a guaranteed way to get insomnia or speak with the dark one the one we all know and love mr. creepypasta lesotho this scripture based 3d animation from Isaiah tombs is quick to point out two things about the name of their series protagonists lesotho first the pronunciation which is introduced in the trailer as condescendingly long yay said Oh neat yay said oh and second that this particular name means the way of Jesus in which language is not made clear it would have been more to the point to name the series the bird is Jesus though we can see how that might be a little on the head these films on the other hand make no attempt as subtly with their direct parallels to the New Testament featuring the journeys of the feathered Messiah as he spreads the good news in addition to being a prophet Lesotho is followed by a gaggle of oddly proportioned avian disciples and performs his own spin on New Testament miracles such as feeding a group of birds with two fish and five nuts there is even a Christmas special in which in this film's Canon is a celebration of Lesotho birthday clearly implying that he is the son of God in this universe the movies themselves are an absolute chore to sit through and with six films and Counting already produce you have to be completely insane to try and adjust them all that said it's definitely entertaining to watch Christian musical numbers feature the curiously shaped Messiah in motion with his gangly legs and enormous forehead the Junior Christian Science Bible lesson show yes that is the real name no it's not a parody of an actual show in fact the Junior Christian Science Bible lesson show actually lasted nearly twenty years I'll be it on Los Angeles public access the Junior Christian show was made by singer actor and puppeteer David liebe Hart also known as the puppet man Hart believes he was abducted by her endian aliens who instructed him to preach about the Word of God Hey it also turns out that he took an interest in puppeteering during his time at his church's Sunday school which seems to have heavily influenced the junior Christian show the program features Hart himself and his cast the puppets including chip the black boy miss panda this horrifying-looking disney reject looking of a bear and this alien guy who would give lectures and sing songs about God the Bible and the dangers of alcohol and stuff often with bizarre editing and visual effects TV Tropes hailed it as one of the most bizarre children's program ever conceived the show would often feature guests speaking to the children about their love God and to say no to drugs as well as a number of musical performances unfortunately the junior Christian show just wasn't meant for this world and it was quietly canceled in 2009 after Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed the bill that eliminated the need for cable companies to provide a public access channel resulting in the termination of the Junior Christian show [Music] sorry hurt my arm by reaching too hard I'm gonna feel that in the morning since you're here let's talk about the rap city street kids now I know what you're thinking what does this have to do with Christianity it's a Christmas film of course sorry but where else could I talk about this trainwreck now the story behind this film is a little more interesting than the film itself the director and animator is mr. Collins later who's perhaps one of the biggest scam artists to make his way across this flat earth I'm joking please don't quote my net you've probably heard of this film from its online reviews much like food fight in the room this is an infamous punching bag for critics such as rebel taxi and the nostalgia critic do I even need to say what's wrong with this film just look at it this came out in 2002 and aired on TV and I don't mean some no-name local stations I mean actual big-name broadcasters watch this running animation perfect absolutely perfect watch the way your legs skid across the near flat background truly an angel returning to her habitat in heaven watch this literal jpg disguised as a car just kind of skid by also watch this amazing dinosaur throw now that is a prime example of modern art oh right I forgot there's a plot to shred to pieces too well there's not really much to talk about I've read more complex original and compelling stories on the back of cereal boxes which to be fair can be surprisingly profound check out this one kid the one whose hair looks like a nest of depressed brown slinkys gives an old disheveled teddy bear to his love interest named Nicole who is simply beautiful she being the cold-hearted [ __ ] that she is tosses the bear out and then goes on to sing about why she's the best kid in the world soon after she finds out about the sentimental value of the bear she's forced to find and return it and then she learns the meaning of Christmas how cliche the movie was made for TV with a runtime of a little over 40 minutes with a budget of wait what $500,000 oh yes you know the previously mentioned mr. Colin Slater scumbag scam artist extraordinaire yeah he scammed a man into paying him half a million [ __ ] dollars so that he could [ __ ] out this below PlayStation 1 looking mess funny enough some real talent would into this such as a vocal talents of page O'Hara Jodi Benson and most perplexingly Mark Hamill aka Luke Skywalker though to be fair Luke Skywalker's played in some real garbage before amazing actor though for a long time this was a lost film scrubbed off the face of the earth by the powers that be but the virtuous Knights down at Lost MediaWiki went on a conquest to salvage this film the owner managed to get in contact with the director who in turn tried to scam him forcing him to pay $250 for the film and then just didn't give it to him it was months but when the owner called Slater out he finally handed it over and that's why we have it 13 years in hiding the Beast had showed its evil face and now we should laugh at [Music] [Music] Derby's head rolling down the halls I see door bees tiny little balls I see door bees [Music] [Applause] [Music] door B's that's your introduction and there's no way I can introduce this thing better than that believe me I tried now if you're a normal functioning human being you're probably wondering what you just saw or screaming an object hole probably a little bit of both be entirely honest but even that is only the beginning of what awaits you is perhaps the strangest VeggieTales ripoff imaginable at least I think it's the VeggieTales ripoff I don't know what it is now wash it twice it's about these ball-like things called Orbeez what's the door be I have no [ __ ] idea the movie has little to do a Christianity despite being advertised as such to a Christian audience and the fact that the creator of this debating guide there is a gospel singer even releases some columns with some of his family they seem to have a small but dedicated following so uh good for him in any way this film is so humbled and jumbled that it's hard to make sense of everything marketed as the first tape in a series which would chronicle the life of the surly fun adventures of the door bees and as an introduction we agreed to maze skits will not go they are a waste of time to watch and will be a waste of time to regurgitate in this video if you really want to see him I suggest just watching the mood for yourself anyway much like the other animated films on this list it looks like ass pure unadulterated ass story can be summed up in about two sentences don't believe me just watch so to door B decided to skip school and while doing so they found a mysterious housemates they enter gets scared of one of them falls through the floor and gets stuck his friend gets help and he's taught a lesson about making choices which was the secondary title to the spill making decisions the moral is the [ __ ] title sorry to rush through this so quickly but there's really nothing of substance here and there's barely even anything to make fun of it just sucks all the creativity out of me to be honest and their eyes had a hard enough time writing the script for this damn thing sum it all up the [ __ ] is a door be berry Bible I know this isn't a kids show but you know what the college people are kind of like kids right they don't have any morals anyway I'm just gonna go into this because when the hell else am I gonna be able to talk about barity Bible I came across a dish gem originally researching for this list and I loved it so much that I decided to include it because of its weird history considered this one an extra entry berry Bible originally broadcasted on a university television station SR TV in the fall of 2005 at the University of California San Diego and this is where things start to get you know a little weird berry bible was a part of a series called live hot papa chat which jokingly was in its second season despite never really having a first season and a focus on these puppet characters who would take calls from other people unfortunately almost all of these calls were pornographic in nature but that's just to people like you who are Heath ins going to hell I might seem like an [ __ ] I'm really sweet oh the gay guy's gonna burn it's cute barry bible was one of those characters who would talk about why god is sending you to hell and why he condemned homosexuality due to the pornographic nature of everything ever broadcasted from the station and some of the students begun to issue complaints with college officials after episode six the student ran television station was shut down upon charges of obscenity stemming from the blasphemy of the barre bible episode along with the university's administration's displeasure with the previous pair pornographic broadcasts from the same student ran channel and if it was just that maybe i would ignore it but no there's actually more there's a retail DVD that was produced that features the titular live hot puppet chat show characters and a few extra episodes produced until the creator tricia Newcomb decided to pursue theater if it was just there again I would consider leaving this off the list but no it gets really [ __ ] weird in August 2009 a feature-length live hot puppet chat movie was produced by loom alien films which was titled sort of digestive calmness in June 2010 a second feature film starring live hop puppet chat character was released and that movie was called interstellar pinball lives forever again your name but I wouldn't really add it on to this list if it wasn't yeah before the next entries by 2011 summer of the chew-toy soul was created and 2013 which is what made me eventually put this on the list was Jesus hate you and also there was 2014's hell's leaks laughter the last two are just really strange to say the least very few Phil's had the ability to produce an atmosphere that can physically make someone nauseous and uncomfortable with the production and score alone take a look at this trailer from Hell seats laughter it's really out there by dudes [Music] a poodle cool and the communities of election burgers [Music] so versatile Sepideh ternopil energy Misaki and then we got the berry Bible movie Jesus hates you and this is one strange acid trip and strange everything I can't use the word strange enough honestly this goes from like weird [ __ ] posting like the previous live hot Papa chat and it makes it seem like a horror movie here's a few choice clips for you to enjoy kee Jarvis is the one oh I forgot reverence and Muslims favorite bible verse I'm supposed to make you memorize it but now I forgot it you see what I mean the further down the rabbit hole I go with these movies a stranger it seems again I mean wow I don't know what to think I feel scarred [Music] primetime with Jesus Christ if there's one thing worse than awful television shows it's awful public access shows primetime with Jesus Christ is a shoddy public access talk show hosted by Reverend Ralph wall who is played by Mikey martini and we're using the term talk-show loosely because you can barely even make our ways saying you think that a talk show would have clearer audio but the whole thing just sounds like it's being recorded miles away in a tunnel even jerk bees have better audio than this and the show's only episode wall interviews supposed Christian professor felonious boner to talk about how Jesus affects everyone according to Bonner Jesus sends his beams of love onto everyone except the sinners if the sinners could receive his love they would be able to move mountains and cars and [ __ ] considering that no human on earth can move a melon we're on thin ice with Christ himself oh and apparently high fructose foods can destroy your veins and glands so stay away from syrup we then meet charity worker Fillmore Dean cam who works for an organization that gives toys to people including children and sinners shortly after he gets chastised by wall before the to close out the show by seeing their last Jesus song prime time with Jesus Christ is a [ __ ] post of a show it's not even clear if it was the public access show or not it's supposedly from the 1980s but considering the host was born in 1992 and the video looks like it has a simple VHS effect slapped on it it's hard to say this was even on television at all it's nothing to take to seriously that professor notes that because the Star of David has six points on it it must be satanic and him and Reverend wall must defeat the commies regardless prime time with Jesus Christ is an odd absurdity that nobody wants to run into while scrolling through public access disturbing Christian puppet shows learn about God what do you think about starting a club sounds good to me too this entry is an extra entry dedicated to all the horrifying screwed up [ __ ] you can find on public access basically there's hundreds of public access Christian shows that aired in the past 40 years and because of that I find it hard to go through them all some of them are creepy but are harmless and others talk about family-friendly topics like listen to your mom even she's objectively wrong and who cares that she beats you respect your mother and father I'll be the first to say that this is a Christmas use of the literature and when you go into public access he'll he could find about every crazy thing under the Sun so enjoy these cute visuals I plan on doing a follow up list talking about crazy public access Christian shows in the near future but I figured this would be a great way to end the night enjoy thank you for making it to the end of the video I would like to congratulate all of my patreon supporters for helping me get this far without them I couldn't hire outside writers and editors to help make this video come out a bit faster I know it took two months but even with all the help I got it took two months I deeply apologize for that if you would like to support the creation of future videos like this consider becoming a patreon member where we have interesting rewards such as your own discord idle and art from the person who does my expressions if you wouldn't mind taking a look it would really help me out with that finally said I would like to thank any a person who helped me edit this video he did it several the segments on here I'd like to think of so much for making this a possibility that said off to the N card you

Channel: That Creepy Reading

Views: 908,864

Keywords: That, Creepy, Reading, 22 Insane Christian Shows for Kids, Bible Man, Chick Tract, Kids Shows, Donut Repair Club, Colby, LiveHotPuppetChat, Blameitonjorge, MrCreepyPasta, Joshua and t, TellTale, Paulogia, Ken Ham, Religion, Religious shows, Cartoons, Phantom Strider, Top 10, List

Id: nzc1ogE2dMs

Length: 59min 55sec (3595 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 03 2018