1970 Chrysler Imperial: Regular Car Reviews

1970 Chrysler Imperial it's a one-armed bandit but the only jackpots are hairier balls 1970 Chrysler Imperial now with less asbestos if we try to jack off your besty while you're both in bed harder than youporn makes it look it's no more sensual than one two three four I declare a thumb war if you do it with more power does it oh Jesus oh my god I'm so sorry it's like literally did in like a 70s movie I'm sorry man it really happens all right which one was it let's up here let that back on their imperial a car for a medallion wearing mouth-breathing reuben eating sweet tea slurping business owner named rich the Montpelier dollar Franklin every question he asks you begins with I got a proposition for you hello Mopar 4:40 we meet again you 93 octane drinking lead substitute needing oily bragging 7.2 liter v8 yes in muscle cars you were as satisfying as Led Zeppelin's rock and roll but in a car with a curb weight of four thousand nine hundred and sixty pounds and with some spare fluids and a tool kit in the trunk this Imperial weighs 5,000 pounds or two and a half imperial tons and coupled to a 722 TorqueFlite three-speed sending power to a mall Walker 2.94 rear-end ratio with sure-grip which is really just mopars name for limited-slip this Imperial groans up to sixty miles an hour in Wow 8.9 29.4 seconds that's not bad when you think about it Chrysler advertised 350 horsepower for the Imperial and since 1970 is pre smog and pre catalytic converters this car runs like the Blues Brothers the top speed is a hundred and twenty-four miles an hour there abouts and the quarter-mile could be had in 16.6 seconds according to Chrysler average fuel economy was 9.2 miles per gallon but David average 13 on his drive home up 81 the scranton/wilkes-barre after this film shoot which makes this more economical than that Buick LeSabre with the Dynaflow transmission MSRP for imperial four-door hardtops in 1970 was eight thousand five hundred and three dollars which trans 256 thousand two hundred and sixty eight dollars in 2019 so adjusted for inflation this car is the same price as a GMC Yukon or up trimmed Toyota 4runner and for this mid-level domestic luxury vehicle price you get a torsion bar front suspension with leaf springs in the rear a vinyl covered roof a seeking Radio yes it will find a radio station for you it was such a ted dibiase money feature Mopar gave the radio seek button a special location on the floor next to the high beam button it has pillarless doors with no B pillar well not where you'd expect to find it I mean the rear pillar you know backed by the rear glass is the B pillar in the middle there's nothing you also get climate control in 1970 its crude but it works hit the auto button and this crazy analogue box behind the dash will do its best and maintain temperature in this bounce house of an interior to move enough air the Imperial has two blower motors one in the front and one in the rear hmm the ride true luxury is rocking you to sleep the torsion bar suspension doesn't absorb bumps like an air ride does instead it spreads those bumps out over the entire Commonwealth hit a bump in Jonestown and the shock will stretch all the way to Easton like the van hitting the water and inception but there's another bit of luxury going on here that you can't find in modern luxury domestic cars I call it clean fingernails look at your fingernails right now yeah we're gonna probably like mine just all cut weird and in haste I mean who uses a file it's like cut him down that's that's it but back in the 50s and and and 60s clean fingernails on men were a thing it was something a gentleman did but it wasn't some sure of chivalric display it meant more than that back in the day I'm again talking 50s 60s if a man had clean fingernails though there were clean underneath and and were you know filed down nice and a nice curve that that was him telling you something I've arrived I'm now the boss I've I've been promoted to a point where I don't have to get dirty anymore mm-hmm I mean what's the point of just filing down and really making your fingernails you know look beautiful if you're just gonna go out and work and get them dirty and all chipped again nowadays we kind of admire that you see a rich guy but but his fingernails are all dirty that that's now a point of pride the opposite happened yeah sure I'm I'm well taken care of but I still work and that's reflected in our luxury vehicles we normally note we don't have big sedans anymore we have big SUVs because a Cadillac Escalade is still a truck it's still a utility vehicle heck they even turd the Chevy Avalanche into a Cadillac or up trim King ranches those things are easily $60,000 for a truck and they're really really comfortable but they're still a trade vehicle at heart driving a big sedan in the 50 60s and in this case the 70s was you expressing to the world I'm done working I no longer have to work I don't have to pick up the freight I don't have to pick up the goods therefore I'd no longer need a utility vehicle I will have a sedan because the only thing I have to do is carry my family around and maybe some luggage there will be other people to carry the big boxes now and if you don't believe me about the whole cleaning the fingernails thing go look at the old movie trope that started in the 80s of the bad guy filing his fingernails yeah all those 80s movies even eighties cartoons you want to show a bad guy have him have a show like kingpin show him filing his fingernails nowadays we look at yo oh what the what is he doing that for that's what that was about and there's some of that signaling still going on today but the appreciation for these big sedans are coming back and I believe also the appreciation for male grooming I mean look at everybody's selling beard oil these days 1970 Chrysler Imperial for the well-kept man who still gets action even though he's bent dick Billy every time his dick gets hard it looks to the east 1970 Imperial the original owner was so far ahead of the curve he made a fleshlight out of a dishrag and a measuring cup the story of the Chrysler Imperial dates all the way back to 1926 the year route 66 opened the year Kelly Blue Book was first published the Year Pontiac was born it was also the year Walter P Chrysler decided to go balls deep in the luxury car market with a car offered in roadster coupe sedan Phaeton yeah they were used Network and seven passenger limousine styles those first generation Chrysler Imperials were handsome Devils the color of freshly varnished shoes with license plates resting horizontally across the grill like lampshade mustaches the Imperial was a top-of-the-line model for Chrysler and represented the apex of what the company could be if they could have their luxury cake and eat it too while also providing a more affordable entry-level car and in a way it kind of worked for the Imperial because it was less about the opulent peacocking and more about affordable luxury Chrysler Imperial the hell by cars and luxury you can suck a fart rod my balloon not pal by 1955 Chrysler decided to make the Imperial its own marquee so named they were trying to say that this isn't a Chrysler it's an imperial they were trying to have their own luxury brand like Ford had Lincoln or GM had Cadillac it was also a way of separating the luxury identity from the standard Chrysler fleet but the problem was the lack of individual showrooms for the Imperial at Chrysler dealerships nationwide you see at Ford and GM dealerships Cadillacs and Lincoln's were actually treated as their own separate marques they were displayed accordingly meanwhile the Imperial fleet just sort of blended in with the rest of the Chrysler cars at dealerships to where there was no meaningful distinction between the luxury and standard models even if the dealer signs did indicate imperial as its own separate marque still Chrysler did such a bad job of marketing the Imperial as its own marque that even now a lot of the cars from the fourth generation are referred to as Chrysler Imperials even I just referred to it as this even though there was no real Chrysler badging anywhere to be found until the name was re at it at the start of the 1970s rivals didn't list their cars as Ford Lincoln's or GM Cadillacs yet Chrysler had somehow found its luxury and low-cost identities intertwined like tree roots so Chrysler tried course-correcting by offering a touch of luxury to another one of their brands Plymouth in a New York Times article titled behind Chrysler's long decline its management and competition dated August 17 1979 it stated that one of the issues Chrysler faced was the release of the Plymouth Valiant in the late 1950s the executives in charge of marketing insisted that 75% of the cars should be built at the lowest possible price and only 25% of the budget should be used to build valiance with all the expensive bells and whistles the idea being that the luxury market had shrunk by the late 1950s and the higher priced trim levels wouldn't sell well well that wasn't true Cadillac can tell you that and immediately dealers reported customers demanding the more expensive trim at this point it's not hard to imagine supply couldn't meet the demand especially if there was a sudden market for top trim Plymouth Valiant well Chrysler was doing was trying to cut back on expenses but what happened is they ended up with a giant missed opportunity so they stayed in the luxury car market and kept the Imperial brand alive through the 60s and into the early 70s this was pre oil crisis of course and people still wanted full-size cars that look like aftershave bottles but when the fuel crisis hit and the demand for smaller cars grew like an unwanted erection at a candlelight vigil Chrysler suddenly found themselves with lots of unsold inventory and the company was staring death straight in the face until that government bailout and Roman can tell you all about this in his story called The Legend of Lee Iacocca if you want to check that out it will put a link in the description maybe one in the annotations at the end of this video but the long and short of it is that you could argue that the 1970 Imperial was the last gasp of the Imperial as a traditional luxury and land yacht the Imperial had lost its assembly plant in 1960 to its platform in 67 and it's body shell in 69 so that it now had to share components with entry-level chrysler models like the newport the Imperial had some good press as the basis of black beauty the car from the Green Hornet TV show in 1966 but it still wasn't as iconic as the George Barris Batmobile from the same year so the imperial brand was shelved in 1975 into its brief resurrection from 1981 until 1983 now with all of that having been said the Imperial still has a distinction of a classic car when set against the modern backdrop of ridiculous aggressive styling cues that have no real reason to exist beyond quietly reassuring sales managers with five figure alimony payments that masculinity isn't really under attack but even while it looks amazing against the contemporary backdrop how much did this really stand out in the age of Chevy Nova's Firebirds darts and even Chrysler's own 300 and that's just 1970 alone but it's still a classy car nearly 50 years on and yeah some might say classiness doesn't exist anymore in the same way that clean fingernails don't exist anymore that's a lie being fed to keep the commercialism of Valentine's Day viable in an era of non-committal casual dating of skipped dinners and no follow-up phone calls but classiness exists believe you me it exists in the beating heart of a luxury car from the 70s a land barge that has no business being anything more than a novelty from an era before Chrysler really started to take a nosedive but whether we mean to or not oftentimes we don't judge classic cars against the standard of their own eras we judge them against the standard of ours because look at cars now there are as visually unspectacular as a binder full of carpet swatches it's an old man complaint of course it is but to modernize current cars lack any sort of character other than cute or angry they have soft non-threatening curves for karate practice they look hastily finished like homework on Sunday night you seen one you've seen them all like deviantART accounts so when you spend all day looking at bland forgettable Acura's filling up at rudders seeing this Chrysler Imperial is like discovering a shoebox full of old love letters and driving one is like sending them all 20 years later so let's make our devil's music in the back of this rollin porno theater let's - ourselves upon the rocks of passion in a classic car that smells of Forgotten Monday's litter bodies and make the lustful symphony of a tube sock filled with applause as its beaten against a pinewood coffee table and an Elks Lodge the world belongs to us Linda for as long as an unfiltered cigarette and pitch black coffee is part of this complete breakfast the Imperial is the Emperor of this shriveling world so long as the beating heart of this steel chariot roars to life and as long as there's breath in these calcium-rich fart filled meat bags we call our bodies the Chrysler Imperial will be our fist fight against time itself [Music] aha you realize I'm just gonna lose this as Monday so exhaust think the mics I don't think that work

Channel: RegularCars

Views: 386,131

Rating: 4.8757763 out of 5

Keywords: Regular, Car, Reviews, Chrysler Imperial, Chrylser Imperial review, Classic review, Classic Imperial, Imperial LeBaron, Land Yacht, Mopar 440, Chryler 440, Retro Imperial review, Huge american car, Regular Car Reviews

Id: SZVXt5SREag

Length: 16min 35sec (995 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 11 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/BigAl265]

Fun fact: People used to scour the junkyards for these cars to use in the demolition derby's. These things are practically a tank, nothing could take them out. They eventually had to ban Imperials because they were so dominant that no other cars could even compete with them.

[u/Uptons_BJs]

Mr. Regular hit the nail on the head here. At one point, the wealthy classes were proud in not having to work, that they were above the frivolities of regular business. Look at how the nobility dressed in the Ancien Regiem, it was impractical for a reason. The whole idea of "luxury" was that "I didn't need to go to work, I didn't need to do it".

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Today? According to a post on /r/economics recently, research shows that rich people today work more then ever. They aren't the leisured classes anymore, they take pride in understanding their business, in running things personally. Tim Cook gets up at 3:45am to work and would routinely pull 12-16 hour days. That, to an aristocrat from years gone by would sound crazy, why be the boss if you have to work hard?

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Hence why you see it in the automobiles that the wealthy prefer. There was a time when 200+ inch long luxury coupes were common, where the car was big for the sake of being big. Like this Imperial, the old luxury car was never good at hauling, towing, off roading, or performance. It didn't have to be, because if you were an aristocrat who came from old money, like say, a descendant of an imperial house, you didn't have to work. Working was for those under you.

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But today, with the workaholic rich guy phenomenon, their taste in cars changed alongside the working culture. Rich people drive cars that are "capable", like Escalades that can haul and tow, Range Rovers that can go offroad, or S65s that can go like hell.

[u/igetmadatfifa]

Old Man from pawn stars’ favorite

[u/Quantillion]

I really, really, like this Imperial. There is a minimalism to the lines, but so much heft. I want one. Imagine this car, built today with aluminum, and a huge ass battery pack in the engine bay, transmission tunnel, and boot floor. Maybe a hidden or very discretely designed touch screen for controls. But keeping the knobs and switches. Heck, ditch the touch screen and just add switches for lane keep assist and the like instead. A huge, wafting, serene, driving experience.

Actually... do that to all electric cars. Just revive old ones but electrify them... my pants are getting tight from the mere idea of it.

[u/universerule]

What is it about ruben sandwiches that made his comment about ruben sandwiches accurate?

[u/Drzhivago138]

Obligatory "Ackshually, Imperial is the make, not the model, so it's just Imperial, not Chrysler Imperial." Yes, Chrysler is the parent company, but you don't call your '69 ^nice Cadillac a "GM Cadillac."

"Chrysler Imperial" is only for the pre-1955 models, or the gussied-up Y-body Fifth-Avenue.

[u/Darkfire757]

And people complain modern full size vehicles are hard to park!

[u/DualDoritoDude3]

B O B E V A N S

[u/mister69darkhorse]

Interesting to see the cycles of the auto industry, the years leading up to the gas crisis, big cars. And post 1973- 1990s automakers were trying to scramble to downsize. By 90s- early 2000s big suvs while in 2008-2011 small cars were all the rage again. Seems like we are in a big cars era again just a different body style.