- I'm not sure why everyone's panicking about picking a major. I've known my favorite field of study since I was four years old, and that's Mortuary Science, obviously. Oh crap, the paperwork to
declare a major is due today? I'm just gonna have to
tell them the truth, that my dog ate it. My home dog Timmy, that is. Haha! Yeah, that party last
night got really weird. Thanks for meeting with me, Dean Higgins. I know you're a busy guy and you don't normally meet with students, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Which major will put
me in the best position to take over your job? Because I am not happy with the way things are being run around here. I really need an extension with
the deadline to pick a major because I need to find something perfect. Something that fits me like
a fine cashmere sweater. I wanna walk away from my
college experience thinking, "Did I pick my major, or
did my major pick me?" So my mom wants me to go into Nursing because she loves to see young
men defy gender stereotypes. But my dad wants me to go into Drama because he's a failed actor. And then my brother... - [Advisor] Well, what do you wanna study? - Well, I'm glad you asked me that, because I was about to ask you what you think I think I should study. If I play my cards right, I can pull off the rare triple major. So many people have
told me it's impossible that I kind of have to
do it at this point. Just put me down for
whatever major, I don't care. I'm here for the college experience, okay? The parties, the football games, playing frisbee out on
the quad with my boys. This whole education thing?
It's really an afterthought. Economics is a field that
will always be around, so I think it's a safe bet. At the same time, I realize we live in an ever-shifting global landscape, so maybe I should diversify
my résumé with a double major. Let's do Economics and Applied Economics. Well, since you all don't
offer a Baseball Studies major for some ungodly reason, I guess I'll have to go with Woodworking. - [Advisor] Be advised, it's
a lot of independent study with no interaction with other people. - Sign me up now. If I hit Philosophy in the mornings and Physics in the afternoons, then that leaves the evenings free for some casual and carefree
Chemical Engineering. I'd like to thank the student council for convening on such short notice. Now, some people might say
that it's a terrible idea to pick a major by committee. And to that I say, "What
committee told you that? Seriously, I need to know. Give me names." I'm just calling to make sure that my roommate Timmy stopped by to finish up the paperwork for my major. Oh, he didn't? Well. Looks like Timmy's gonna be
majoring in a world of pain. I just found out you can
design your own major. Now I just need to find an
academically respectable way to fuse my passion for unstructured time with my relentless love
for internet culture. I won't let my dreams just be memes. Look, I know you guys don't
normally let students graduate with a degree in
Undeclared, but hear me out. - [Advisor] Okay, go on. - Sorry, I didn't expect to make it this far in the conversation, so I don't really have
anything else to say. I figured you'd just say
no and I'd start crying. I still might start crying. It's an app that uses your Twitter history to generate a word cloud, which is then compared to word clouds from every area of study, and then it spits out a
compatibility quotient. It's like Tinder for your college major, and it says I should do
something called Bird Studies. And I think I accidentally
just swiped right. I somehow misread the college
brochure when I was applying. It turns out that what the school has is an Astronomy program. What a Leo/Virgo cusp Capricorn
Sun thing for me to do. My original plan was to pursue Nursing, but it turns out I'm too
squeamish for all that blood. So now I'm thinking something
more mild and wholesome, like History. Why are you looking at me like that? Did something bad happened in history? Who knows, I might even
be able to squeeze in a Music minor on the weekends. - [Advisor] Wow, how are you gonna keep up with all that homework? - Homework? Is that, like, a requirement? On second thought, we dropping out. Sunday, tune in to this
channel for FJ News, the introvert's source for
random and humorous news stories to fill up those long awkward
silences during small talk. This week, we've got
breaking news on the comeback of self-proclaimed
introvert Ellen DeGeneres, a tiger on the loose in Tennessee, and singer Alanis Morissette's decision to un-school her three children. That and more this Sunday.
