15 Signs of a Toxic Friendship

making memories with friends is highly important creating lasting friendships that last the test of time however sometimes we may be creating relationships with people who might be toxic this wastes our time and it also can hurt us in this video I'm gonna offer the 15 signs of how to understand if somebody is a friend or a foe and if you're dealing with a toxic friend hi friends Ashley Burgess back glad that you're catching this video on today's video I may be talking about the 15 signs of toxic friendships how to know see that you don't waste the time on these toxic friendships and also so that you don't get hurt okay let's begin with those signs right now I wanted to create this video because I think that a lot of people aren't necessarily hanging out with the right friends the healthy friends and when we're right in the middle of it it's hard to see the toxicity sometimes most the time because we really don't want to see it we want them to be our friends so badly that we'll deal with anything and so that's why I wanted to create this video because I don't want you wasting your time but more important I just don't want you to get hurt the first indication that you're dealing with the toxic friend is that they're jealous of you okay they're not happy for the things that you achieve let's say that you get an award for doing something amazing what about getting a new car right you worked really hard for it whatever they're not showing you that they're happy for you okay they don't reach out they don't message you they don't call you they don't pat you on the back it seems that when you have something good happen to you they're pretty much nowhere around the second indication that you're dealing with a toxic friend is that they are critical of you and usually them being critical is either random and without warning so it's not consistent right because if it was consistent you would pretty much realize that this is not a friend of yours okay however it usually comes quite random and one telltale sign is that when you're telling them about your dreams and your hopes and your plans for the future this can be where they start to criticize you and because it's random you might believe them so you might tell them about a job idea that you for a business idea or something you want to do and they kind of poopoo all over it and because it's random you kind of start believing that so that's definitely something to think about when you're kind of analyzing your friendships because even if a dream might seem kind of big and maybe almost unattainable a friend is supposed to be there to say you know hey I believe in you I mean obviously there's going to be a lot of work involved and there's a lot of you know work to get there but you know I believe that you can achieve it a friend's supposed to be positive in that type of thing not trying to find and nitpick everything and criticize you especially when it comes to things that close to your heart the third indication is that they talk behind your back that's pretty self-explanatory you tell them things about you that you want to be held in confidence and they tell other people it could be hard to know what's really happening but if you have a solid friendship group at least some people if that person is talking behind your back somebody's gonna probably come back and tell you about it right and so that's something you might not always have access information to you but definitely you want to keep your eyes and ears open the fourth indication is that they lack empathy and if you're dealing with a narcissistic type friend they might not even really feel or think the fact that you have feelings you see what I'm saying so in those situations if you're dealing with a tough time if you're dealing with someone that might be a toxic friend they're probably not going to express any help or sincerity you might kind of feel like you're like the lone wolf in the situation so when things aren't really going the best for you they're probably not gonna be around the fifth indication is that they are super self-centered it's all about them okay and sometimes we don't really realize that because we usually give people the benefit of the doubt and a lot of times I hear people talk about well but they had such a challenging life or they've gone through so much or you know we make excuses right for the person to be so self-centered and that's something that I want you to think about too is remember we create all these excuses to offset the problems in these relationships well she's like that because she's dealt with this or she's gone through this when in reality we kind of have to step back and say well is there really any room for me in this friendship okay because a lot of times it's a one-way street and when it is that way it really is all about them it's on their time schedule it's when they can make it it's when they can call you and it's all based on them and you kind of feel like out in left field because they don't respond to you when it's when it's good for you it seems like everything is always about them so definitely something that you want to consider and think about and kind of stop giving excuses when a person is acting that way another indication is that they're super inconsistent it can be challenging to understand what side they're gonna be on that day okay so they're not consistent they kind of flip-flop a lot and you really don't know exactly where they stand and it even becomes hard to understand what they're thinking or how they're feeling and so it almost feels like a lot of emotional distance like you really don't know them that well and you kind of just don't know what's gonna happen next the seventh indication is that they don't always tell you the truth okay a good friend a healthy friend tells you the truth no matter what okay and this is something that you want to think about because if somebody is telling you lies and you're catching it which most of us do we just don't want to necessarily see it you've got to kind of start going within and trying to figure out inventory on how you want to deal with this because if they're lying to you they might be lying to themselves sure and then they're lying to you because they're lying to themselves but you kind of got to step back and ask yourself how much time do you want to spin with somebody who chooses to lie to you instead of to be honest with you because I think this is the pillar of the relationship this is where we have trust and if you can't trust somebody to be honest I don't think you have much here I think this is a toxic friendship that needs to be let go the eighth indication is that you really can't share personal information with them two things it might get out because they might talk about you to other people and you kind of felt that way because they'll tell you things about other people that you really don't need to know that's also personal business and other times too when you do share a personal business there's no emotional connection they seem to not understand where you're coming from and you it feels like it's falling on deaf ears like they're not even paying attention and so when you're telling them personal information about you that you need some help with or a different perspective they really don't have time for it and so it's almost like again it's all about them okay so definitely you don't want it being spread out to the world and also you need somebody that actually cares enough to help you to be a sounding board that's what a friendship is the ninth indication is that they suck all the energy out of the room they're complete energy suckers they also could be quite negative as well so you're dealing with someone where the world is revolving around them but also it seems like everything they talk about for the most part is negative they're bitching about something they're angry about something it's kind of just a negative beat down where you begin to feel very heavy being around them very burdened and so you need to be aware of that because when we're around that type of negativity we don't realize that you know it can kind of impress on us to also feel that way as well and so being aware of that you want to limit your exposure to that negative type energy okay because life is hard enough to get through that we don't need to be around people that find fault in everything instead of finding solution and so that's one of the biggest things I want to be around people that find solution I want to be around people that are in solution instead of just pointing out the problems and then wallowing in it and talking about it constantly I don't have time for that and when I'm around that it kind of it kind of makes me feel like a little angry because I feel like the conversation is being controlled by this person but they don't want any solution and when you try to provide solution that's that's applicable they don't want here it okay so they might make a joke or ha you always find a solution for everything but they're really not listening to you so you got to hear this over and over again but your contributions to the conversation really mean nothing to them another indication is that they are not reliable you cannot rely on them they might tell you they're gonna do something they might tell you they're gonna be somewhere but usually they're not okay and this is something that you really want to think about because you need to be able to depend on a friend okay that's why we have friends otherwise we don't need friends so you need to be able to depend on them they need to be able to depend on you too so this is something that you want to think about and make sure that the friends that you keep and the people that you have closest to you are reliable and definitely honest the eleventh indication is that they really don't listen to you and they don't value your perspective so when you offer suggestions or solutions right they really don't listen to it they continue to have that conversation but it seems like your contribution doesn't matter and when you give your perspective on something they don't see the value in it so it's almost like they have to go talk to other people that might tell them the same thing and then they'll agree to it but do you see how that happens sometimes where you can tell that friend something and they won't listen and they'll be if that's never going to work it's not going to work and another person can tell them the same thing but they'll take it from that person but they won't take it from you okay and that happens a lot of times in our own family right where we tell a family member we give them solution but because we might be the youngest in the family or because maybe we screwed up back in our teenage years they sit there and they kind of look down on us even though we have the best you know successful solution based ideas they still don't see the value so if you're dealing with a friend like that it's not worth it you know I'm saying your friend needs to value your perspective and respect you right and you need to respect them but if they're going outside getting the same information and taking it from someone else this shows you that they really don't respect you and they don't respect your perspective the next indication is that you have to constantly reach out to them to keep in touch because they're not going to do it so it's really a one-way street definitely analyzing that is important so if your constant reaching out but they don't ever initiate the reach out or the text of the call this is an indication that you're probably not on their mind and they're probably not thinking of you that much so that's also an indication of where you are in the level of friendship with them another indication is they just don't make time for you and when you call them and ask them to do something they tell you about how busy they are or how sick they are or what's happening and they're there planning out - the way way way future you know you're looking at well I can do something in three or four weeks what have you but then you look on Facebook you look on insta and you see that they're out every single night with different people okay this is an indication unfortunately that they're they're not very honest with you they're not telling you hey I'm not really interested in this friendship they're kind of just holding on to the friendship because they just want a lot of people to like them but they're not really doing anything to move the friendship forward and so if they're going out with all different people all the time unfortunately it just means that you're just not at the top of the list and it might be more of an acquaintance than a friendship the next indication is that they don't keep promises okay so they might make big promises and the next day they talk nothing about it you might bring it up they kind of manipulate out of the situation and and what happens to yours when we have empty promises you know we kind of just get hurt because you get your hopes up you're out one night you're hanging out there talking about doing this and that and y'all are going to go on this trip together and you're gonna go to wherever and it's going to be so much fun and we're gonna plant it and you're and you you get into it you're like this is awesome this is gonna be great and then you know a few days later you know when you call to start making the plans Wow I can't do that I can't go and it's just it's like you just feel let down and then you start questioning is anything that they're saying to me real when people keep making false promises it's a big indication that they're not your true friend and the last indication is that they can be big talkers right you can have some friends that are big talkers they'll talk about all kinds of different stuff but when push comes to shove there is no follow-through okay and that can be painful too because you know in order to really move Asian ships forward and to create prosperity and amazing stuff in our life we have to do what we say we're gonna do and so if you're around somebody that doesn't do what they say they're gonna do I mean that's another indication and red flag because the actions speak louder than words people can say anything to you and not follow through whatsoever and I found that I try to stay away from people like that and I give them the chance but after at least one or two chances I'm out because I realize okay it could have been a bad day you know they there could have been other you know situations behind this situation they might have had a good idea and really wanted to execute it but they can't and so I give people the benefit of the doubt but after a couple of times when people are talking big and they're not following through I don't want to be around that type of energy okay I don't need to be around that type of energy I'm a mover I like to do things I like to create stuff and I really put you know I really am honest about that and I don't say things that I'm not going to do I try to always be honest with my word indeed and so you're looking for other folks that are honest with their word and deed and that's definitely a sign of a good friend and one last caveat that I want to bring up a lot of times we don't really realize the level of friendship we're dealing with okay some of these folks that you think are close friends might be more like an acquaintance right you really need to think about who are your real friends okay who are the ones that you can really depend on and they can depend on you who are their friends that you know everything about and they know everything about you okay those are your real friends and you can definitely make more of those friends right you can definitely make more of those friends but some folks are kind of you know you see them out you say hi you have that connection but there's not the depth there and sometimes we can create the depth in that relationship and other times we can so we need to be we need to be aware of these signs and you know not everything's a toxic friendship or great friendship some things are just in the middle okay some things are just in the middle there's just not a lot of emotional connection so we really need to be right with that as well you know and when we're picking friends we need to realize that when we want something from them like to be helpful and to be there for us and to be reliable to keep their promises we've got to do the same thing to okay we got to do the same thing we can't expect somebody to do something for us that we're not willing to do for them and this is a big deal and so it's a two-way street and so we have to be aware do we have toxic friends are we a toxic friend are we a good friend and think about that too because that energy that we're that we're sending out in the world we're also getting back I hope this video has helped you please subscribe to the channel if you haven't already and give us a like on this video also if there's any other signs of a toxic friendship that you would like to put out in the comment section I would love to read those as well because I know that I only came up with 15 signs I know there's probably a hundred and two hundred thousand but definitely if you have some signs put those out to help the community too don't forget as you know to live your true life you

Channel: Ashley Berges

Views: 16,769

Rating: 4.9592299 out of 5

Keywords: toxic friends, friend, relationships, foe, toxic relationships, psychology, mental health, Ashley Berges, red flags, frienememy

Id: yBkpSri_HdQ

Length: 16min 43sec (1003 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019