What's up guys? I'm Ethan your RealLife
English fluency coach and maybe like yourself I am an introvert but learning
languages over the last 12 years has helped me a ton in being able to
overcome the paralyzing shyness that I felt when I was younger, so let me tell
you that if you are shy or you believe that maybe you're an introvert that this
does not need to be a barrier to being able to speak English fluently and
confidently. And the 11 recommendations that I have for you will help you a lot. So I hope that by the end of this video you will feel proud to be an introvert
but that you will not let it get in the way of reaching your goals and by the
way if you're new here every week we are making new lessons just like this one to
help you get the mindset, the method and the mastery that you need to be
successful on your English learning journey. So if that sounds good to you
and then just hit that subscribe button and the bell down below so
you don't miss any of our new lessons. So hang with me because this will certainly be the longest tip but it
will also be one of the most important discoveries that you have by watching
this video so let's actually start out with a quick
test so, first off, So how did you do did you answer,
mostly a or mostly B? Now if you answered mostly B you most likely are an
introvert, but it's not so black and white it's not that you're either an
introvert or an extrovert and you're on one side or the other it's
actually more like a scale so you could be really completely introverted you
like your time alone or you could be really completely extroverted that you
need to be around other people or you could fall anywhere on that scale
now as for me I definitely fall kind of towards the middle but I definitely am
an introvert now someone who falls right in the middle is actually called an
ambivert. Now I'd like you to take a moment and ask yourself "what is an
introvert?" most people think introverts are loners
or hermits, nerdy or strange, unfriendly or antisocial, now normally this is not
actually the case and you might not even be an introvert even though you believe
you are one you might actually be a shy extrovert. Now most people think that
shyness and introversion are synonyms but this is actually not the case so
let's start off with shyness what is shyness? Now shyness is the fear of
social judgment, now shyness is painful introversion is not for English learning
it's probably that fear that you feel of making mistakes of people laughing at
you or of failing, it's that uncomfortableness that you feel because
you sound like a child, it's even the shame that you feel about speaking up in
any sort of situation where you can speak English. Now you certainly should
not feel shame for making mistakes it's really a natural part of the process but
that's a really big topic and we'll definitely talk about it in a different
video but what I want you to see here is that both extroverts and
introverts can feel shyness and not all introverts are necessarily shy, so you
could be a shy extrovert or you could be a confident introvert in fact I actually
have a friend who I recently was just shocked to find out is actually an
introvert because anytime we go to any social gathering
she is really confident she goes up to other people she's curious about them,
she asks really great questions and she seems to just shine in these
kind of situations. So definitely by this description it sounds like my friend is
an extrovert, right? Well it's actually not the case and
we'll see why in just a few moments but for now what I want you to see is that
if you are an introvert it does not mean that you cannot overcome your shyness
and be confident and I want the rest of the tips in this video to help you to
reach your really confident self while still proudly being an introvert so if
introversion is not shyness then what exactly is it? Now being an extrovert or
an introvert actually has to do with how your brain reacts to stimulation. Now extroverts really crave stimulation they're
drawn to it that's why they thrive in situations like parties meetings or
conferences now you probably know some extroverts who have really struggled
during this time of confinement during the pandemic, now introverts on the other
hand are much more sensitive to the stimulation and that's why in these same
kinds of situations of being at a party a conference or even a creative
brainstorm they feel overstimulated and their energy is quickly drained they
need to recharge with quiet, reflection and alone time now this is why
introverts are usually much more drawn to activities like reading, watching TV
series, playing video games or even one-on-one conversations but about a
deeper topic now if you identify with this then think about when you're with
family or close friends you probably don't usually kind of feel
overwhelmed and you probably also don't really feel shyness, but you still will
need that time away on your own to recharge your batteries now to find out
if you are shy or an introvert think about how you would react to
an invitation to a social event. Now a person who was shy maybe even if they were an
extrovert would probably say no to the invitation because they actually feel
anxiety or fear but an introvert would say no because they would prefer just to
stay in and be on their own. Now this of course also means that you can be a
non shy introvert like Bill Gates or Meryl Streep Now while they definitely value
their time alone to recharge there are authentic people and they don't really
care what others think about them. Now of course you could also be a shy introvert
and it's not unlikely in fact many introverts are shy because when they
were younger they received some sort of negative feedback telling them that it
was wrong that they preferred being alone or reflecting or it could just be
lack of experience because introverts naturally avoid stimulating situations. Now if you are a shy introvert it might be soothing to you to recognize that
extroverts can also be shy it isn't easy for every extrovert to be on a stage or
to be in a really social environment in fact we recently did a lesson teaching
English with Shakira and through watching a lot of interviews with her I
discovered that she's actually really shy but I would be willing to bet that
she is definitely an extrovert because she has a tremendous presence when she's
on stage so she actually used what she was passionate about to overcome her
shyness and we'll talk about that more later in the video. All right so that's
all for this first tip we'll be going through the next ten much faster but as
we do I want you to start reflecting already on whether you are introverted,
shy or both so let's get into the next one so the next tip is to actually start
speaking online through Whatsapp or another similar chatting tool. This will help you to connect
through someone through the protective barrier of a
screen and then once you get to know this person better you can actually
connect face to face via Skype and practice your speaking now you might
feel nervous and this is completely normal but the more that you practice
the easier that it will get and another thing that you should know about
introverts is that normally we don't like small talk now small talk is kind
of those little conversations that you have to try to get to know someone or to
start a conversation like about the weather or what someone does for
job but when you start speaking with someone via Whatsapp you've gotten all
those small talk conversations out of the way so that you can talk about a
more deep topic that you'll find more fulfilling as an introvert now a really
fantastic way for you to start practicing your English in this way is
through our Fluency Circle community now this is filled with our students from
all over the world who are passionate about learning English just like you now
it is concluded with all of our courses and I would highly recommend our
RealLife Native Immersion Course where we help you to learn English without
getting lost and without getting bored we would take you on a forty one week
real life adventure of the English language each week covering a different
topic related to our goal to help you to use and understand real native English
and make it a permanent part of your life in a way that is fun, natural and
convenient and of course if you're more confident about your listening it will
also help you to feel less shy when you get opportunities to communicate with
someone. So the best part is that you can try the RealLife Native Immersion Course
for free with our three-part power learning series just click up here or
down description box below to learn more and sign up. So as I mentioned
before introverts tend to prefer deep conversations with one other person and
for exactly this reason I highly recommend that you try to create a
strong relationship with someone in English now a great way to do this can
be to get a teacher, a coach, a tutor or a language partner now the first reason
that this is really great is because you get to know them and they get to know
you there's not as much pressure because it's one-on-one and you know when the
conversations going to end because it's usually just one hour or so. Now if you get a teacher or a coach,
a good one anyway they will have a lot of
experience and they will help you to grow your confidence without judging you
or another great option is to practice English with other learners like I
mentioned we do this in the Fluency Circle and this is really awesome
because they have empathy for you they know exactly what you're going through. So one of our strengths is an introvert is making and sticking to a plan so use
that strength I highly recommend that you start out by forcing yourself to do
something where you'll have to speak English now this could be
to an English event or a language exchange this could be talking with
someone in English from your work that you know is from another country or it
could even just be going up to a tourist on the street and starting a
conversation. Now for me personally I
love going to language exchanges I find that this is a great
way to build my confidence and to reach my goal of
speaking other languages. Now maybe for you this sounds scary but I think that
if you actually do it you're going to end up having a really good time and
just imagine the fulfillment that you will feel when you actually challenge
yourself to do something like this so just to give you another example I
actually traveled to Paris last year and even though I have pretty basic French I
wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to increase my skills so I
challenged myself that anywhere I went I would speak French before asking the
person if they spoke English so basically any time I went to a cafe a
restaurant if I asked directions on the street at the museum or anywhere else I
would always start in French and actually I did learn a lot during just a
few days that I was travelling there so this is actually a really great example
of a small win that I was giving myself now this is just doing something small
that will help to boost your confidence, so for example, you could go up to a
tourist on the street and speak to them in English if they seem like they're lost
you could go into a Starbucks where you know that they'll speak English and
order your coffee in English it's just finding these little opportunities to
actually start using the language and kind of breaking out of your shyness so
what I recommend that you do for this is that you actually make an agreement with
yourself you could actually write this down to make it a little bit more
official but I know that you're here you're watching this video because you
have the goal to learn English and we're going to talk more about this in a
little bit but basically one thing that you could do just to give you an example
is that you could agree with yourself that one time a week you're going to go to
some event where you can speak English and basically your goal during that time
is to have one conversation with just one person to get that person's contact
and then to continue the conversation later so that you can continue
practicing your English and then if you do that that really pretty small thing
then you can go home and you don't have to feel guilty about
no to any other opportunities that week also as a part of your plan I recommend
actually having a time that you're going to leave that way you can go home and
recharge yourself but you definitely need to make the most of the time that
you have there so the rest of the tips are also going to help you a lot with
developing this plan so let's continue. Now another one of your strengths is
introvert is that you are probably a great listener, introverts tend to be
more focused than extroverts so put this to use put the focus on the other person
be curious be a great listener ask smart questions and people love talking about
themselves and this is a really great way to get people to like you. Now I know everyone wants
to improve their speaking but you definitely need to recognize
input versus output now input is what goes in basically reading and listening
output is what goes out so that's writing and speaking now actually in
order to improve your speaking input is super important you need to do much more
of input so listening is really important to develop your skills as a
speaker. So as I mentioned earlier extroverts
tend to like small talk like talking about the weather sports or other similar topics but introverts tend
to prefer deeper topics and this is actually why you might be at like a
dinner party or something and see an introvert who's really quiet and you
might think well that person's really shy but it's not actually about shyness
they're probably just thinking this topic just doesn't really interest me so
I'm not gonna say anything so as part of your plan to speak more and to overcome
your shyness one thing that you can actually do is write down at home things
that you're really interested in talking about and then you can actually practice
by yourself speaking about these you can even record yourself and listen back to
give yourself feedback or another thing that you could do is tell that other
person about something that you recently learned now doing things like this are
going to not only increase your confidence but they'll actually probably
get you really excited to talk about the topics that you're actually
interested in. So as an introvert I know you're going to want to avoid making mistakes
but remind yourself that for that short amount of time that you're having a
conversation with another person that the mistakes are great you need to make
a lot of them and act in order to improve so don't let
them get you embarrassed make a mental note to learn from them later but stay
present while you're in that conversation
and speaking of embarrassment it's really important that you start seeing
it as something positive all that it means is that you care what other people
think of you and studies have shown that people tend to see other people's
embarrassment as an indicator of that person's genuineness and authenticity so,
take a deep breath remind yourself of this fact and even start to get used to
laughing it yourself if you make a silly mistake you don't have to take it
personally. All right so the next tip is to actually connect your English to
another passion of yours, so before we talked about going to language learning
events or English speaking events but this is not the only way to practice
your English another really great way to meet people is by actually finding ways
that connect to things you're passionate about so for example say that you love
tennis what you could do is find some different tennis forms online and
connect with people there who share your passion and then talk to them about this
interest you could even connect with them via Skype maybe you can even
connect to people in your city to give you an example with myself right now I'm
actually taking vocal coaching and one thing that has been really great is that
not only am i learning about something new but I'm actually learning vocabulary
in Spanish related to that thing that I'm interested in and actually improving
my vocabulary in the language I'm learning. So this also gives you a whole
new purpose for learning English I could give you another example from one of our
team members Agnieszka who is also an introvert and she also used to be quite
shy but she has really blossomed and she's used her english to do it she
actually joined Toastmasters which was something that she wanted to become a
better public speaker and so she's had to actually give speeches in front of
other people in her native language polish but also in English and this has
been a whole new way for her to tie her passion of learning English to another
passion of hers and to really develop herself as a person and Agnieszka has
also told me that this has really helped her to overcome her shyness so this is a
really great way for you to be less shy as well but also just to get really
excited about your because you're tying it to something
else that you're passionate about. Okay so if you are an introvert you can never
be an extrovert and do not believe anyone who tells you otherwise just like
your height its genetic and it's something that you cannot change but you
can fake it you can stretch yourself and act like an extrovert when it's
important but just like a rubber band there's a limit to how much it can
stretch and if you stretch it too much it'll break and it'll be very disastrous
so make sure when you do this that you get plenty of time to rest and recharge. However this goes back to the last point if you are faking it it must be for a
worthy cause so for you as an English learner it must be really closely
aligned with a deeper purpose for why you are learning the language don't fake
it because you think that there's something wrong with you and you need to
conform to how other people think you should be the roads of success is not in
trying to be someone that you're not it is in discovering what makes you unique
and what you can personally contribute however if you're faking it because it's
necessary for a cause that's really important to you then you can be
successful to a point for example Elon Musk hates public speaking but he does
it because he feels a really deep purpose to change the world and it's a
necessary part of achieving that goal or another example would be Meryl Streep
that we talked about earlier she says that she uses visualization exercises to
actually put herself into the situation and obviously it works for her because
it's really convincing in many of her movies that she's not an introvert so
what is your purpose I recommend actually writing about it,
journaling about it and really getting to know yourself and that way when you
really do need to act like an extrovert then you'll shine in that presentation
or meeting or whatever is really necessary for you to do the things that
are important to you. So finally number eleven, it's really valiant what you're
doing you're putting yourself outside of your comfort zone doing things that are
really difficult for you for something that's really important for you so
really it's important that you give yourself some sort of reward for this
effort so after doing something draining like going to an event, a meeting, a
language exchange or a party do something that is really fulfilling for
you as an introvert like reading a book for me personally I really enjoy getting
together with my friends on the weekend but I also
find it that it can be really tiring if I overdo it like if I try to make plans
with friends for Friday, Saturday and Sunday by the end I'm just gonna be
exhausted and that's going to affect my work during the week so being that I
actually know this about myself I take this into account when I'm planning my
weekends I get together with one group of friends at most just Saturday night
or just Sunday during the day but I don't do it more than one day because I
know if I do then it's not going to be beneficial for me it's going to have the
opposite effect but by doing this I'm actually getting out there I'm seeing
the people that I care about and then I reward myself by doing something that I
would prefer to do at home on Sunday. All right guys thanks so much for joining
me today now a lot of today's lesson has been based on a fantastic book called
Quiet by Susan Cain now if you are an introvert then I believe this is a must
read to really get to understand yourself and your strengths as an
introvert a great way to get started with this is by watching Susan Cain's
TED talk which I'll link up at the top. Now as introverts we need to recognize
that for better or for worse the world really rewards extroverts but that
doesn't mean that the world doesn't also need us to really be our best as
introverts bringing our reflective creative and innovative ideas to our
workplaces and to what we're contributing to the world so I really
want to just challenge you to start doing this in your English and in your
life and if you're an introvert and you have a great story to share with us then
I would really love to hear it we have a new post about this over on Instagram so
go check that out and write your message there your story there and share it with
other English learners and with me you'll find that at @reallife.english
and if you're an introvert like me you probably love reading and we have
this other recent lesson that we made talking about six of the best books for
English learners and for your life so go check that out
now it's time to go beyond the classroom and live your English aww yeah! Now let's
jump into this list of six incredible books for your English and your life. All right so the first book that I have for you on this list is the seven Habits
of Highly Effective People now this is definitely one of my top books ever now
if you want to be more successful at anything you should really consider
reading this book.
