10 SIGNS OF A DAUGHTER WITH HIGH TRAIT NARCISSISM Welcome to my scientifically informed insider look at mental health topics If you find this video to be interesting or helpful, please like it and subscribe to my channel Louis is dr. Grande Today's question asks, I can talk about the characteristics of a daughter who is narcissistic So this is really from the perspective of the mother and father So I'm going to answer this question by providing the ten signs of a daughter who is narcissistic now Of course, the number of these signs would also apply to a son one of the presumptions with this list Of course is that the parents are? Effective parents they're good parents They're not treating the daughter poorly because if they were treated art poorly Some of these signs would really perhaps point to something else and not narcissism So the behavior I'll talk about in these signs is behavior. I have noticed in my clinical experience And sometimes we see this in the research literature as well This doesn't mean that someone is definitely narcissistic if they have one or more of these signs, and it certainly doesn't speak to anything Related to diagnosing for example narcissistic personalities were only licensed and qualified Clinician can assign that diagnosis now when somebody is young narcissism is fairly normal We expect children to be narcissistic, of course, this would include daughters but we know as people grow older the narcissism tends to drop and Usually in daughters, we would expect the narcissism to start dropping fairly significantly by age 18 or 19 Sometimes it takes a little longer But either way we would expect to see the narcissism and we would expect to see a drop a bit sometimes however the narcissism Carries on as somebody grows older and sometimes even gets worse And what this does is really puts a strain on The relationships that the daughter has including the relationships with the parents Parents endure narcissism from a daughter more so than they would from like strangers Of course because that's their daughter. That makes sense And because they endure this behavior, they're exposed potentially to a lot more damaged from that narcissistic Relationship so it becomes a really I think tricky issue, right? nobody wants to give up on their daughter right their daughters narcissistic or Any number of other personality traits parents want to stick it out. They want to find a way to make that relationship work No matter what's going on with the daughter So before I get to the signs are going to briefly describe narcissism in this video these signs relate Both to grandiose and to vulnerable narcissism the two major types of narcissism. All narcissism is characterized by being self-centered having a sense of entitlement requiring admiration and having low agreeable, 'us so being Disagreeable or antagonistic with grandiose narcissism. We see characteristics like being socially dominant extroverted arrogant resistant to criticism This is a fairly obvious manifestation of narcissism And sometimes grandiose is also called overt narcissism the other type as I mentioned is vulnerable here We see a lot of shame hyper sensitivity criticism being resentful. This is a little harder to say the less obvious It's also called covert Narcissism so I mentioned that narcissism starts young and usually continues For life to some extent and of course as I mentioned it can be severe throughout the lifespan I tried to order these signs so that the earlier signs line up with behavior We would expect to see when a narcissistic daughter is younger and the later signs tend to align with behaviors We'd see as she moves into adolescence and young adulthood. So sign number one that a daughter is narcissistic This would be constantly wanting and maybe even needing approval Trying to impress the parents and trying to impress teachers So this is kind of interesting because there can be a lot of motivation to do positive things for example Good grades, right good grades are not necessarily about achievement about actually achieving a good grade for some sort of internal reward But sometimes it's for the reaction of the teacher and this indicates narcissism Much more strongly than somebody who does it for an internal reason? So if a daughter is working for good grades But the reason she gets those good grades is because she wants that teacher to react that's a crucial part of earning the grades again That points more toward narcissism good deeds for a narcissistic daughter must be observed. So Narcissists and non narcissists do good things of course, but the narcissist wants credit so the narcissistic daughter is always looking to teachers parents siblings grandparents cousins Friends to show them their good deeds to show them. What a good job They did again specifically to acquire that admiration moving a sign number two this is when the daughter is not direct about this may seem like a small thing sometimes but when a daughter won't take Direction it can be frustrating for parents Regardless of the age of the daughter but of course we tend to use this term direct Abel more in reference to someone Who's younger? So a daughter? That won't go to bed on time who won't get dressed for school who won't do her homework Now these particular signs of course could also be a sign of ADHD or other mental disorders So again, we have to be careful in interpreting The signs of a daughter who's narcissistic sign number three is that all criticism or advice is poorly received? And almost never followed we see this comes in a lot of different versions magnifying the criticism so if you're Criticizing a narcissistic daughter for not doing homework She might say you hate me So she really just magnified that criticism and actually distorted that criticism into something completely different So asking a daughter do her homework and that moves into hatred we see dismissing the source So the daughter who's narcissistic might say you don't know what you're talking about when you were young They used stone tablets to do homework right like a chisel and stone tablets So suggesting the parents are old but also out of touch with technology and how things are done these days Similar to this would be kind of the you know, nothing argument and this would be sticking to this Belief, even when the evidence shows Otherwise, this is actually fairly common when a narcissistic daughter is in love - that first love interest That's a point where the parents just seem to know nothing all of a sudden right? We see this pretty frequently with daughters Who are narcissistic and sometimes with daughters who are not narcissistic? also under the same sign number three, we see pointing out the disparity in treatment between Herself and siblings. My brother never has to do his homework, right so kind of pointing out there's a difference there We also see yelling crying not talking at all and maybe doing the homework if that's the example With less than 100 so whatever the criticism advices about maybe following it a little bit but not really doing it correctly It's a form of resistance. Essentially. We also see a counter attacking and this is actually extremely common. It's a fairly effective distraction technique that narcissists of all types tend to use so for example if you say to The daughter. Hey, look you need to clean your room she might say well you never clean your room your room so dirty and Cluttered that I almost fall down when I walk in there, right? so kind of taking the attention off of her dirty room and Putting it on some sort of flaw that the parents would have Sign number four is being jealous of a sibling and this would be more so than we would usually see because this type of jealousy With siblings is fairly common So this will be something like you've always loved them more than me when talking about siblings playing the victim and what becomes I think Complicated here is that the truth is sometimes parents do have favorites Right and to put it bluntly sometimes parents do love one child more than another this actually happens all the time This is remarkably common. What a lot of parents of course want to say that they love all their children equally which makes sense That's a socially desirable thing to indicate So if the narcissistic daughter is not the favorite that adds kind of credence to this argument It makes a little bit more credible if they are the favorite though. They tend to say the same thing They still play the victim. Although being the favored I think does satisfy the narcissistic daughter for a while This can be something that is really Consistent with the narcissistic attitude and can therefore be agreeable to a daughter who's narcissistic, right? So if they are the favorite this particular sign sign number four I don't think is as visible sign number five is taking sides with one parent against the other and Usually this is in a fairly mean-spirited way and not the normal behavior We would expect to see between parents and a daughter So they might say something like to a mother they might say you're the reason dad left or to a father You're making mom unhappy? they might say I wish dad would leave you so I can live with him or I don't know how she Tolerates you or something a little bit more antagonistic like dad says you're a terrible lover. Ouch That one's pretty rough and mom says if it weren't for having kids she would have left a long time ago That one's also a little bit Unkind right and these are ones I've heard many times in the context of my clinical experience. So these aren't remarkably unusual statements for daughters to make in order to take sides with one parent against the other this taking size can be the basis for a Grudge that's held forever. Right? So this particular sign sign number five, I think More so than many of the other signs becomes kind of a foundation for an argument against one of the parents Right, so you never treated mom, right? You never treated dad, right whatever it is This becomes a grudge that that daughter can hold potentially for the remainder of that relationship for however long that relationship with the parents will last signed number six is the overuse of social media especially in the area of attractiveness like beauty and with popularity so pictures Posted on social media that feature the daughter with a large number of friends establishing that a lot of people like her We see a lot of comparisons between the daughter's social media performance and out of their friends Like how many likes that a particular post receives or something like that and with this we also see Increasingly surprising and shocking tactics to get attention On social media platforms. So being more dramatic and being more revealing sometimes to attract attention and this could include Saying really unkind things about the parents, right? So again kind of playing the victim or on social media to attract attention Even though that necessarily wouldn't be positive attention at some point that might not matter moving the sign number seven This one involves when the daughter gets to an age where she could go find a job so in many places this would be around 16 so in A job setting they might feel like they're being demeaned by having an entry-level position Like a cashier at a fast-food restaurant Or someone who works on the sales floor of a retail store So even just a few days into working this type of job The daughter may come home and tell her siblings or her parents that if she was the boss there Everything would improve where she works if she ran the place the problems would be gone sales would be up employees would be happier She also doesn't think highly of her co-workers She may refer to them as idiots or people that really deserve to have low-level jobs, and she deserves to have a higher-level job So putting herself at a different level even though they're working in the same position There's typically a lack of respect for the chain of command right? So not respecting a manager or supervisor The exception here would be if that supervisor really admires them Sometimes this admiration can win the narcissistic daughter over for a while We also see that the narcissistic daughter expects an allowance from her Paras, even when she starts working So the money earned of the job just isn't enough sign number eight is being extremely focused on appearance Noting that her attractiveness is superior to yours as the parents This is usually more directed at the mother than the father So this could be something that the daughter has always believed is true Like she's always believed that she was more attractive than the mother or the father Or it could be some sort of commentary one aging like one thing I've heard narcissistic daughters say before is it's my time to shine your time is over right referring to the parents so again kind of over emphasizing the value of youth and beauty and Assuming that just because the parents are older they're automatically unattractive or at least not as attractive as the daughter So this has kind of a shallow Component to it sign number nine is the daughter believes that you were jealous of them as the parents, right? So this jealousy could be because of beauty that perceived difference in beauty You could be jealous of them because they're single and not married to somebody as bad as their other parent right again in their opinion You could be jealous of their youth jealous of their boyfriend of their career Success their social network, or they'll try to make you jealous if they believe you're not jealous, right? So if they sense you don't really seem to care you're indifferent They may go out of their way to make you feel Envy for example If the daughters in an age where she may have in-laws, right so she finds somebody they get married and now they're in loss She may say those in-laws are the parents that she never had right really kind of Putting you as her parents up against the in-laws in some sort of competition Narcissistic daughters may also weaponize the relationship with the grandchildren like petty games so let them spend time with the in-laws but not with you or Not letting you see them at all maybe saying something like I don't want you to do to them what you did to me Again, kind of suggesting they were mistreated by the parents when they were younger Also, the daughter may be jealous of her own children. I actually see this quite a bit Specifically the way the parents treat her children, right? So when I was young you never treated me that well, you never loved me as much as you loved your grandchildren So the jealousy isn't contained to just the Peris right? It can extend to everybody Including the daughter's children sign number 10 of a daughter has narcissistic if she seems to be highly interested in whatever Inheritance, she expects to get she tends to overestimate the dangers of aging so for example, she may think that when her parents turn 65 or 75 or something that they're going to die within a few months right not realizing that people can live well into their 80s or 90s Or sometimes even longer than that She may treat the parents nicely if she thinks that will increase the chances of getting an inheritance She'll be highly sensitive the siblings that are also interested in the material possessions the parents have She gets very angry at the parents for spending money Especially on items that aren't technically necessary like vacations Jewelry a luxury car the more the parents spend the less money is available for the daughter The daughter also may become upset when she hears stories of other relatives who have lived a long time Right thinking that of course that genetic contribution could mean that the parents will live a long time, right? So she's looking at her gran parents and they lived into their late 90s that may make the daughter distressed because now she's worried She's not going to see her inheritance because her parents are gonna live so long So this is really kind of a Machiavellian istic attitude, right a materialistic attitude And of course that's highly consistent with narcissism. So having a daughter who is narcissistic as I mentioned before can be a real challenge Parents often feel really guilty about this. They feel like they caused their daughter to become Narcissistic and they're frustrated because now they have to deal with that narcissism many times the parents and the daughter become Estranged I see this all the time Sometimes is because the daughter chooses that that's actually fairly common But sometimes it's because the parents eventually reject the daughter because they simply can't tolerate the narcissism and other attempts They've had at setting boundaries have failed so they just end up Ceasing to have any type of relationship With the daughter which of course is very painful for the parents and typically would be for the daughter as well Sometimes however, the lack of relationship is a mutual decision the parents and the daughter agree But they're better off not having any relationship. I know whatever I talk about topics like daughters who are narcissistic there'll be a variety of opinions people who agree with me and disagree with me and Have other thoughts and examples from their own life experiences Please put those opinions and thoughts in the comments section. They always generate a really interesting dialogue as always I hope you found these 10 signs of a daughter who's narcissistic to be interesting. Thanks for watching
