1 Hour of Funny Moments From Season 06 | 8 Out of 10 Cats | Banijay Comedy

there's a new show called Big Brother yeah it's really cutting edge it's about people sharing a house together and then afterwards their lives are ruined I like Mikey the blind one only thing is he's sort of he dresses up as a woman to be funny and I think that's a bit [Laughter] desperate if you've got a disability on Big Brother then you're assuming to win really I mean with his Tourette NAD had a penis not strictly a not not strictly a disability but it is if you want to be a woman right so I I think I know it's early days but I think uh if Mikey doesn't win I will show my ass in primart window there's one interesting character is the albino guy Darnell apparently he got involved in gangs and crime in American I was thinking if you're an albino the last thing you should do is get involved in crime CU you're always going to get caught aren you even if you had a BAL clavon with a tiny little eye hole go BL with the pink eye the albino and I was think what if he was in a gang of albinos albino gang that used to come sort of drifting like a cloud down the street when I first turned on Big Brother this year I did think the house was haunted I like don don which one's that Vic I don't I haven't seen it but I just wanted to join in the other thing was that they got very upset about when that the blind guy picked up the knickers didn't they he picked up some girls knickers and she said it lacked respect did she have them on at the time well no the thing that's the thing it would lack respect if they were in a nicker drawer she was wearing them they're on a laundry line but she'd thrown them on the floor if you've thrown them on the floor technically they're flatsome anyone could take them they're actually I think legally they're the property of the British Navy Mikey he's got a sideline apparently of selling Nazi memorabilia what so we digress that's the whole show is digressive dig I'm not just trying to nail the answers and move on it's not a task not a task the thing I like best about San sugar is he he's mental clearly he's mental because he always he brings them together he goes right you're probably wondering why we're at the tape moden that's right we're making fudge yeah you're probably wondering why we're at Duxford Air Museum that's right children's coffins it's all part of his policy to try and intimidate yeah and why did you have to do everything on a weird fax phone weird to make all the phone calls in the series like that using using a normal telephone with the loudspeaker function switched [Laughter] on it's terrible it's terrible when twins fall out not get a little bit unnerved by uh Nick and Margaret always like hiding behind plant pots just soing and even when it was something they didn't even care about like you could be washing cars and they'd be going what were you doing before you were on The Apprentice I thought he was the an officer in a and Half Hot Mom it might just be me you know sometimes GR iCal things annoy you his catchphrase is you're fired yet you haven't got the job yet so really it shouldn't be you're fired cuz it's about trying to get the job it should be you're not on The Apprentice show anymore that's what it should be you're right of course it's a bit like thank you it's a bit like you remember Bruce foresight's catchphrase was nice to see you to see you nice doesn't make any sense what it should be is nice to see you no really it's nice to see you it's the same that's why he's never going to get anywhere sure the naked couple emerging happily from the tent this is a word association question I'm looking for the top word or phrase the public said when we said camping David Williams the you are you camp no no no no no woohoo [Music] no 62% of men would rather go shopping than play sport true or false we've been shopping together haven't we we we've also wrestle together so we we like to I wasn't really clear what the rules were there because it ended really abruptly and then you never called me is trouser theft considered a sport no no well Count Me In just for 100% shopping I don't mind food shopping big fan of that big we can see exactly you know I'm big fan you mean I say something to you is that you do have a stray nostril hair this side do you want me to get it for you no that did you get a little bogey with there you see that that's aad boy no because you don't want [Applause] to so what are you going to go for you're saying Tru well hang on Whose question was it both we saying yes as well you we're saying yes we're saying yes you're saying yes we're all saying yes yeah yeah well I can tell you the answer is true 62% of men would rather go shopping the play sports Point i' have to say I agree if you ever hear me saying City's playing I mean sex in the cities onen at the film housee we're meeting at 12 for cocktails be there or be square it's going to be fabulous so at the end of that round I can tell you it's four points to Shan's team and five points for Jason [Applause] team and the winner is is the name of our final round here's your first one top reason Brits are teased at work is it because they say I can work with Prince or paer on TV that must be right out there CU that would be pretty annoying what do you mean by that it was basically a dickish way of saying I get on with chalk and cheese with ch and cheese it's a dickish way of saying you get on with FR and perer is it um is it cuz they're still quite new noran and might have put on a little bit of weight since the last series you're lovely thank you where does teasing stop and bullying take over uh when you use a blade if you someone had a big nose and you called them Concord that would be teasing but if you if you used it to open a yogurt pot like that that would be bullying wouldn't it top reason Brits are teased at work is it cuz when you weren't looking the salesman ad dict is cocking your tea I'll give you a clue it's something that um the winner of The Apprentice suffers from not being able to pronounce words yeah that's exactly right speech impediment good work yes the top five reasons for being bullied at work are speech impediment accent dress sense boldness and ginger hair if you're watching this Anthony warl Thompson unlucky least desirable car passenger is it the pop because whatever the weather you got to keep the sunro open because of his hat and he's in like a perspect box as well so did you watch C last night forget it forget it right who would you hate to be stuck in a car with um a rapist um [Applause] I just imagine you go oh stuck in here with a rapist I can get on with Prince paa or rapist I re Steven Hawking be bad because you wouldn't know it was him talking or the sa NV we reckon big brother and uh more specifically uh Alexandra she she's been threatening the arrest of the Big Brother inmates is that it's really funny can we just clarify things because Alex might be watching this she's she's out of the house now I don't respect you did you see what she said before she I got gangster friends they can do what I say pow pow like how old is she eight they're going to get you pow pow pow that's the problem with girls is at school they never learn a good gun noise you see but like if that had have been a bloke it would give it the old you know what I mean I believe the phras is BL BL BL just saying no one [ __ ] with me right yeah you never be ready remember I told you what's that that's how I roll mother it's not how I roll I roll like that with the in the back if you were in a gang you'd be the treasurer I tell you what's whining me up though is e4's coverage of the of the live streaming and they let you watch them sleep they let them let you watch them eat but anytime anything interesting happens they cut to a break they start doing the little bird noises and all that stuff right and it's quite annoying there's been a few times where they're like yeah and I guess what guess who I've had sex with well I'll tell you the Tuesday Sean Mike theopus off of Dragon's Den yeah what of the nation be talking about it's is it the visit this week of George Bush to London visited London goldon Brown very pleased to see him yeah thrilled we well I imagine he is it makes him look better doesn't it same principle like Simon Cal got Pierce Morgan on Britain's Got Talent say If you think I'm a smug self-satisfied this Flo I think is that War I I think it's just funny that you know when I'm Canadian and when our prime minister visits not a lot of hoopla like like when our Prime Minister Steven Harper and right there I could have said any name at all I could I could have said zorak the Invincible and there'd still be people watching at home going yeah I hear he's Invincible yes zor George Bush we got 12 wins of Castle and I thought that would be an episode of cribs I won't mind watching just Prince Philip walking around going to the bedroom and this is where the magic happens yeah do you think he was secretly a little bit disappointed that Windsor Castle wasn't bouncy you saying he's stupid that's what I was saying that's one of his greatest skills isn't it it's there's this idea that he's convinced everyone he's stupid and he's not stupid he's just really anti- clever isn't he so he doesn't like clever things like reading books the right way up let me go go through a couple of things he has said over the years yeah when asked to describe the white house he said it is white technically correct okay he said more and more of our Imports come from abroad correct okay I think we can agree the past is over all that is fact after fact here we go he's a fact machine last one when asked by a reporter why AMA Bin Laden had not been caught he said he's hiding yeah [Applause] he supposed to have said that he he he saw the queen naked in a bedroom how did he manage that he was chasing a corgi that ran into the Queen's bedroom apparently the queen was stood there naked it's sort of freaky imagine busting in and seeing like four corgis and a naked queen that sounds like the the best hand he can have in a poker game four cargies and a naked Queen what's the etiquette for for seeing the queen naked what do you do do you bow do you salute I've seen her naked yeah on Photoshop amazing she looks She's Got an amazing tattoo it's a full Fox Hunt coming over her shoulders load of dogs across her tummy and a little fox spping in for cover Rising prices of food food's gone way up anyone who has their five a day now is just showing off but interesting there's one food that hasn't gone up tripe it's still a very reasonable 8 P A Ton you're a businessman right you may understand this kind of thing explain to me what's going on well basically Chancellor got a letter from the governor of the bank of England to tell him we're [ __ ] officially it took a letter from the governor of the bank of England you know the worst thing about the letter cost the chancellor 25 quid rymond and lenza isn't it the under the lingerie I won lenza yes I've had an idea for you CR less Post-it notes you see there's a demand do you yeah huge I'm a big fan of the old sexy underwear situation I've um we don't do your size there's loads of moneys saving tips people are put out like you know you there loads of different ways you can save money and I was thinking I've cut one like breakfast is that you know I know it's wrong but steal bird's eggs for your breakfast they're ler but they're actually quite tasty and I've started taking hormones in a few months I'll be lactating so that's milk in the morning just saving little saving and what I do is make a great big pot stew really big pot stew pigeons yeah what you pig what pig what you say pigeons you can't just say pigeons you got to have something before it and after it Theo you can't just go pigeons is that a good idea F Square F Square yeah get the pigeons get the pigeon eat the pigeons they've all gone who got rid of the pigeons have you gone men have literally gone men this is serious I know you've got money if you've been drinking all day your ROP B 66% of people would rather have a robot than a pet true or false I mean I've got two cats I've got two cats I don't like I don't like them I prefer dogs but what I like about dogs is every so often it just Winks at you just you know giv a little wink that's cuz they're content with life it sort they wink at you to go it's all right in it life and cats occasionally wink at you as well they sort of go if you don't give me food I will chew your face off so your mom's got loads of dogs hasn't she yes she does she's got about 20 and my dad she had this room built it just has a chair a TV that's on the animal channel then the chair is for my dad to go in there and hang out with the dogs literally you've got a dog house for your dad he says dogs don't talk back I have daies I can understand that completely I sit on the [ __ ] for days the downside of having a robot is of course you're always dissatisfied with it because you always know there's a slightly improved model out there with a better voice that's always going to make you're constantly going oh I want the one that goes doesn't go yes now I love you that sounds like me come here honey give me a kiss top thing to rescue if your house is on fire my mom always had this fear that our house was going to burn down it's cuz you got Aussie Osborne wandering around it so I still have this ladder so if there was ever a fire I could jump out my window and climb down you would think with the money your parents have got they'd put slides instead of ladders that'd be a lot more fun wouldn't it for kids there's a fire again fire brilliant first thing I'd save the recycling cuz that's been so long sorting out bottles I'm not going to waste 2 hours I'm not going to waste that that's coming with me you haven't got that long I know all right it's no need to shout for you it's a fire don't worry Kelly what would you rescue probably my pictures I'd rescue my photographs cuz if the police ever get a hold of him I'm going to jail actually six complaints into the BBC because uh Nadal kept scratching his ass during the as if someone from the BBC is going to go out and go excuse me can you stop picking ass the whole thing about his style of tennis is about his balance which comes from his bottom I think it's integral to the tennis and Claudia probably agrees as well as a tennis connoisseur and and a lady who likes to find bottom but I think you need to focus on his bottom I don't understand who these people are who bothers to complain my favorite complaint was on the channel babe station where the three women have the boobs out they've got a pair of knickers on people ring up and and and and get off right for 150 minute now some bloke complain because one of the women showed a little bit of front garden right and again at what point are you watching going this is brilliant this is oh no you've gone too far now put that away don't look son don't look do you know what me and Gabby did recently hello me and Gabby did an evening with speno and Ericson what do you mean an evening a charity and you did like a Q&A thing didn't you you not get paid oh Jason you're so new to this than you let's have a look and see if wimbl is one of the most talked about things this week yes it is the most talked about thing is Wimbledon Andy Murray could have beaten Nadal all he needed was a slightly different strategy and a magic racket strung with dreams the crowd at Wimbledon got right behind Andy Murray as they queued at the exit Jason Gabby Mark what else have the nation be talking about this week well I think it's got to be the Royals they're on their ass aren't they they've got no money apparently they're so strapped for cash that they were thinking about setting up a premium rate phone line that what are you wearing a tiara who's that getting off have you got my scepter in your hand yeah it was like it was a bit weird cuz you'd have to ring it wouldn't you you'd have to ring it just dial one for one di two for a racist rant from one's husband and for Prince Harry press the hash key you know what I mean yes it does seem extraordinary but they are saying they're strapped for cash they don't have any money why can't they do a sponsored run or something I think they should do a calendar the queen should do a calendar and over this nipple she has a scepter and that nipple a corg his nose be nice there but it's ironic because you've got Charles trying to save the planet obviously yeah and he's filling his car up with wine wine and cheese yeah of course you are Charles of course you are Le car up with cheese the blog has finally gone mental he he talked for plants for years we let it go we let it go he swapped Diana for Camila we let it go right he's gone too far too far this time if I swap Dana for Camila you mean his wife tragically died okay well let's have a look and see whether the Royals finances is one of the most talked about things this [Music] week yes this is the story that the Royals are apparently strapped for cash in other Royal news the naval ship carrying Prince William has seized 40 million worth of cocaine so 200 Sailors and4 Million worth of cocaine it's either the biggest drug bust in Naval History or Elton John has fallen off the wagon in other news Amy win housee has joined the Navy Sean FL feel what else have the nation be talking about is it the bloke The Examiner who gave someone a mark they wrote F off on their exam it's the only thing they wrote and he gave guy got 7 and a 12% cuz it showed rudimentary skills he got 11% if he' put an exclamation mark and if he put To whom it may concern F off he'd have passed I so he got 7 and a half% for writing off to be fa to be fair though the question was what should Pierce Morgan do so if there was weren any kind of pronunciation mark that I don't like it's an exclamation mark you could never date somebody who sent you a text and then ended it with an exclamation CL was doing his GCSE so you shouldn't be dating him to be fair the justification for the examiner said an attempt to answer the question is better than leaving the plag blank and I thought that's not the case is it you know if you don't know the answer to something it's better be quiet rather than go [ __ ] off isn't it you got a mastermind and they said uh what year did they repeal the corn no you go f off okay you get a point for that well you just you've just upped the ratings of that show that' be amazing okay you passed on three told me to off six times winner I can tell you that um this wasn't one of the most talked about things off would get an NHS dentist and a lot of people now are extracting teeth more than they they're doing sort of uh repair work on teeth they're well we just take it out yes well imagine what happens my party is probably a communication problem because the only thing you ever say in dentist is so I don't go to the dentist I'm allergic well I went seven years ago you went seven years ago and he said I'm going to have to give you three fillings I got nervous I said I've got to feed the meter and I haven't been back I hope he's not still Stu and also I think I had a dodgy one once who was a bit too I don't know I realize this is more of a panel show than coun but let's what happened well all I'm saying is there was a lot of telling me whether this I don't know it wasn't fun my mouth was open it was like my wedding night all over again I'm in back yeah so so they've attemped to sort of deregulate density like they did with Opticians but obviously they can't it's a much more qualified job and also that there is one tooth in your head I if you knows but it's actually connected to your spine and dentists are the only ones who knows where that is it's not even on the internet and if you pull it out you you end up walking like a cat can you not try and scare team members poor Claudia now is you pull that I think it's this one I think it's this one but they only the dentists walking like a cat how would walking like a cat what happens is you pull it out and it makes your spine go like that and then you you walk on all fours that's why only dentists can do Dentistry they can't open it up like they have with other things like Roofing and um there's only a few people know about this the government know they they they know in a poll to find out the worst camping companion Jeremy Kyle came second who came first that the Ripper Jeremy car's horrible little man isn't he and I you watched his show he was his people on and really s real sort freak shows he's praying on the sort complete disaster of their lives it says he's helping people I was thinking he's helping people in the same way as if someone needed an ambulance you kicked them nearer the hospital you s booted them well I'm actually getting you nearer aid but not actually really helping you am I he's a horrible little scumbag isn't he more annoying than him who's who's more annoying yeah that's that's what the question is no I'm asking I'm just saying out oh you [ __ ] sit here then love a bit of camping I went to watch the Grand Prix at silveron 19 the Grand Prix the grand PR oh no cuz I forgot what it was but then who the corner and uh so we decided my then boyfriend and I that we wouldd go in a t and at Silverstone the very rich people come in with helicopters in the morning how do helicopters work again oh I thought I was I'd woken up in Vietnam or something macabi you're not far off with that oh Dave Dave mcab okay Most Wanted man in the world oh AMA bad correct answer bad the worst camping companion would be Asama Bin Laden surprisingly that's nonsense he's very outdoorsy he'd be really useful yeah you're right you're right outoors for years he'd be fantastic I leave tent now I get massive dinner for us which I will cook brilliantly I go far I say I would like to go campaign with if Osama if you're out there you're on mate Osama Bin Laden has been number one on the FBI's most wanted list for the last seven years number two is Rihanna with umbrella top person to put on a British bank note um the chuckle brothers and then what you could do you could have like one on the front one on the other side and then in Latin to you to me ad me he ad Tibi to you to me to me to you in Latin I think so well you just got to think what's the dative so then it's obviously yeah it sounds about right that's what I do for my day job they bring me phrases for Bank notes and I translate them into Latin it's been a slow decade about a little mirror so it was you oh that' be good is it every time you got out you go oh I'm on a bank note look no you're not yes I am simple be right [Applause] brilliant okay top person to put on a British bank note Diana correct good one yes the person Brits would most like to see on a bank note is Princess Diana but that's ridiculous you can't have a picture of a dead person on one side of a note and then the person that killed them on the other do you watch The Wimbledon yeah I watched Andy Murray beat the French guy I'm quite surprised he beat me the French guy didn't just surrender after a couple of sets nice there's a new word isn't it because it's hen Mania and now they've got and demonium I it really it's good and demonium I it really it should be called Andy pandemonium didn't it measurable looking Mar is well isn't he yeah as opposed to you goodself frankly not a 21y old millionaire who looks like if they let him near the umpire's chair he'd hang himself off [Laughter] it it's so boring tenis at the slightest thing the crowd go mental like it's the most hilarious shocking thing I've ever seen feder's opponent sat next to him did you see that bit the crowd reacted like he picked up a ball boy swung him around by the ankles and throw him into the crowd why do they throw the sweaty it's horrible they throw their sweaty headbands into the it's we we're in here for about three hours sweaty imagine if imagine if finessa at the end just got her knickers off and like press obsessed with knickers aren't they if you just were going go can see our nickers oh see looking nickers you'd be down as a pervert you get arrested the son just go to the tennis go who look at that Nick she got red ones on whoa It's Your equivalent standing at the bottom of the stairs at work just going oh I've seen your knickers for some reason it's fine but don't you think that those sound effects you know when they go every time they serve and and if you combine that with porn where everyone's always going don't you think it just puts Ordinary People Under colossal pressure cuz like very often you're being shagged and you don't want to make any no you just want to go you don't want you always have to go do you you just always want to go and you you have to why don't you just get them to Shaggy and put the tennis on in the background would you be tempted to go to Glen bre um yeah I'm going answer to Glen bre you get killed tonight don't you yeah two hours dead feel good you should go out to all the stone people at glur and uh so white yourself all white and then just unzip the template out and go [Music] what do you think Holio is on a big screen at glastenbury more men than putting Jay-Z on is it JayZ is it JayZ now yeah he's in England it's j z man you're over here you play virus j z i did the reading festival and all the tents are really close you can hear the bands they're not that far away there was a band on stage when I was on right and there there was like a sort of thrash metal punk band and their finale was the lead singer has a sh onto a towel no then gets the towel and swings it round and then throws it into the crow he's nicked your [Applause] ass it' be great if Nelson did that wouldn't it you are not expecting that come on it's a body I'm 19 Valerie Singleton was at pains to make it clear that anyone who said she'd ever had a Les being Affair was lying cuz she hadn't this is a fairly dormant rumor which has now been raked up by Valerie Singleton so now everyone's saying is she rumor it's not a rumor it's one of the cornerstones of all knowledge Val Singleton you go it's libian it's a fact you know and heard saying she's not a lesbian it's kind of pretty much rocked my world Vanessa let me ask you as a woman it's not a terrible thing to be called a lesbian is it it's not you know defamation of character terrible to terrible thing and depends how you do it if you go you lesbian you go go you're lesbian you know that's not nice it's the way you say it yeah lesbian that's nice come here let be another one that's not very nice in the story it said that she had sex with Peter pervis while they were uh she a great name someone who's having sex pervis she said that she got it on with Albert finny but she said that they never had sex they threat this is the quote rashed about a bit on the bed what does that mean exactly I'm trying come on that was my penis [Applause] [Music] screaming I can tell you that Valerie Singleton is not one of the most talked about things this week but it was in the news Valerie Singleton denied any lesbian allegations and was so shocked by the rumors that she dropped her pool queue and Spilled bitter down the front of her dungarees what else are the nation be talking about solders spotting the UFOs in Shropshire oo yeah tell me more I don't know what they're doing in shupure like some weird sort of yodes sort of bloke going there alen going oh we must see shwy Town Hall we must I don't get is one of them described it as a cylindrical object with things puding out the side so that's just a plane my problem with unidentified flying objects is if they identify it then it's just a flying object and if at any point it lands it's just an object and then you've just seen an O Let's see if soldiers spotting UFOs is one of the most talked about things this week yes it is speaking in at number five this is the story that soldiers spotted UFOs in Market drton the incident is said to be made into a movie entitled the goose that flew over Market Drayton would you work for Naomi cble she's got 200 hours community service cuz she went mental on a plane she has and it's not the first time she's had run-ins with a lord yeah she's done service before didn't she in New York because she hit her assistant with a blackbery and when you first read it you go that's not that bad is it a pumpkin I could understand she just got a pumpkin and put on her head that look at bit like you actually wouldn't [Music] [Applause] it for our Halloween special on this show I just light a candle in my mouth you just blow it his go out but she went mental on a plane didn't she she absolutely btic well it was Terminal 5 I believe had lost her bag first thing she said was she it's because I'm black and famous and I think you'll find that ba are an equal opportunities bag loser don't lose anyone's bags doesn't care whether you're Prince or POA what do you think of her Vanessa do you like her she's not an endearing person if I were to work for her I know the role I'd like to fulfill actually I wouldn't mind being her Brazilian waxer and pouring molten wax all over her Pender I think that would be a nice job well same here but for very different reason have you ever had a hissy fit like a proper showb hissy fit no I'm a very calm and relaxed person Jimmy you know that I take everything in my stride don't interrupt Kate Moss she never does anything like this you see a picture of her pretty much every day but you never hear her voice do you the reason Kate Moss doesn't speak is she's very beautiful but actually she talks like this hello I'm Kate mooss I'm very excited about my new to shop ra i i all the sa myself you have never been so sexy yes worst thing to happen at a wedding is it saving your brother's life but then getting run over in a process and then dying in ob's arms cuz you died that's exactly what happened yeah so so you've been written out of this thing is that what's happened what do they say oh they're keeping him in after he's died Jimmy he's playing he's playing a coffee table for the next six years I am going back though I'm going back to direct it did they direct Hol Oaks really I thought it was just done with CCTV cameras what make you cry at a wedding is it when the first song they play as I still haven't found what I'm looking for I reckon if the bride gets taken off by an eagle and then the church is getting smaller and smaller ah I give you a clue it would make the bride cry the groom was set with a chief R made correct that's the right answer yes the worst thing that can happen at a wedding is the groom goes off with a bridesmaid of course the biggest wedding of the year was Wayne and Colleen's Colleen warned the stag party not to play any pranks on Wayne that would ruin the wedding photos I'm afraid to say colen that ship has sailed Max Mosley's um ory I like say we're doing we're doing SNM he said it's perfectly harmless if that's the case he wants to get his money back they might not be but they could be Nazi themed sex orgies he's denying it he's denying it v he's saying we were just doing a bit of SNM and obviously it was in the papers one day and he said this hasn't been in the papers long enough I'm going to take them to court I hope at some point someone in court says this wasn't just any sex this was SNM sex [Applause] I like the idea that he said max Mosley said he'd been doing this for 45 years mad and boy 45 years he said and his wife didn't know and I like the idea of him coming home how does he explain that his ass looks like a grilled panini yeah I fell on the barbecue at work have you ever tried the SNM thing I I haven't I didn't actually know what SNM meant to the other day [Music] Serbia and Montenegro you say uh food food Gordon Brown has said uh that we're wasting too much food this is about three weeks after he said we're all getting fat now he's changed his mind now he's saying we're wasting too much food and you know of all the problems he's got he's obviously become Prime Minister and gone oh what should I fix first Global terrorism knife crime I know you throwing them bananas out they still got a bit of yellow on them what you should do if you don't want to waste food is do what I do I just buy parmesan never goes off you can put it on a rooftop in Nairobi it won't go off that gets me right I read in the paper this week that we waste a billion pounds in food every year right now which sounds scary don't it right but I've worked it out right that if you think how many how many zeros is in a billion that's nine zeros in it 1 2 3 4 5 6 78 nine a billion pound right how many years of us 56 million right 1 2 3 4 5 6 that's a million right yeah £785 a year right so boobless no not do it properly right so I Work It Out per person per day we waste 4 p a day I couldn't give a flying monkeys to be honest Jason there's certain people that upset that balance I by champagne and like Chase homeless people thanks for backing me up Johnny I'm a nightmare I'll go shopping and I'll do my my go around I love it I love going shopping around with my little trolley around s please I do and I love the little two for one deals you get put in but do you bring do you tend to bring a couple of friends with you to do exactly the same mov the baby man man had a baby where did it come out where did it come out yes know man's vagina did it man vagagina it's called a Manny or a Mont is it [Applause] yeah it is yeah what actually classifies he's got a womb but not he's got a womb but he's been living as a man for 20 years if you need a solicitor to back up your argument that you're a man yeah you're not a man technically he's not a man until he can parallel part P standing up and walk past a shoe shop without popping in so there we got a picture of him he looks like an inflated George Michael we got another picture of him got another picture of him there he is Bishops or something female Bishops has been a big hooa about it because uh they were saying we should get promoted and let's beon there's only so far you can go within the church you you go Vicor Bishop Archbishop you never going to get the top job are you that's God a it there's nowhere and he's put his son in hasn't he ISM that's why I hate to be brilliant at being preached cuz like confession is essentially gossip is it you know what I mean like it's been two weeks since my last confession is it go on tell us some more I slept with a neighbor have you no way 78% of people think they're not Posh enough to go to the Opera true or false where I live 78% of people are not Posh enough to go in a local spa so I think this is a true step a lot of people know they're Vermin a lot of people a lot of people in this country they themselves they say you know what I'm Vermin a lot of people know they're Vermin and i' say I'm I can't go to the Opera I am Vermin well I'm Vermin and I've been to the Opera were you selling chocky my wife I went to see Darren Brown actually not really Opera though is it he does a big finish like but he um no it's weird cuz my mom got called up on stage and she always thought she was like oh I don't feel Posh enough to go to the theater and to be fair you're not right but we went we went to the we went anyway right and um and it's like she got called up on stage by Darren and he went right sleep eventually went to sleep but she had to slap him in the face to do this trick but she didn't want to slap me in the face cuz she's a nice woman and a bloke at the back of the room just went I can hit him love hit him SM him out and Daren Brown turned around with like with a second Gap just went you do that again and I'll make you wet the bed for the rest of your life I thought I reckon that night the bloat went home and his wife went you a cup of tea before bed and he went do you know what I'm going to leave it to be honest biggest turn off for women me men with Tails it's not called a tail is it it's called a penis grub a dragon I think you know often you make can make the mistake by using like if you go out to a girl's house you use her toilet can spoil things on it best you do is say you're going to the toilet but don't use it and then come out just well you got really I'm just going to I need to actually go up so you go in there you don't have one then you come out and then later she goes wow he's so fragrant yeah I was I was in a bar once and they were doing speed dating downstairs and I popped down to on the toilet I to go through the speed dating thing and obviously press the Bell you got three minutes Bing and then you're done right and as I was walking past this table I heard the bloke uh he went to yeah and so anyway when I got there uh they were already dead three minutes s and I was like you've got three minutes don't tell them about your dead friend story yeah so what I do is I slice their beaks off cut their feet off and feed them as much until they die that's farming ready I inject their eyeballs a special fluid to let them grow faster ping I can eat you I know how to cut you up and eat you I would say in about 20 minutes CU I'm a trained boner a boner Works in a slauter house takes the bones out of animal and I can size you up like a pig or a cow and just strip the bones out of you and You' be jointed and ready for sale in within 25 minutes cuz that's what a boner does it's something that the woman will probably see if you went swimming is it having a pair of Speedos but the s's have come off is it really like hairy you really hairy really specific area hay back that's the right answer hairy [Music] back yes the biggest turn off for women is a hairy back I was going to shave my back and then I thought pluck it okay next one biggest celebrity polluter is it they're Transformers they would be pretty cuz they're a car and they're a robot and that that's two carbon Footprints I know Doctor Who your world's brilliant isn't it don't you what he has a tardis he turns up and he flies around the Galaxy what fuels on the Tardis nothing because it's not real whereas the Transformers are real is it Simon cow yes it is he yes Simon Cal Simon Cal yeah the biggest celebrity fora is Simon Cal however it's Louis Walsh that's responsible for the hole in the boy own Lair dway Chambers the the the drug cheat whether he is allowed to run in the Olympics he was caught using performance enhancing drugs and uh he served his time but the British Olympic Association won't let him run in the Olympics I don't think he's done anything that bad it's not like he tried cheated he's cheated but yeah but he didn't try and Light crackpipe off the Olympic torch is not what what he's saying he's saying Banning him from the Olympics is a restriction of his trade as a as a as a sprinter and to be fair there isn't any other jobs he can do as a 100 meter you know Sprinter I mean a courier maybe pretty good at that or I was thinking like working for a company that can't afford internal email system oh yeah I mean so we could just go you know take that to way there cakes on marjorie's desk oh you know someone who hasn't got a very good eyesight right and they're out having a picnic he could work with them they say what's that in the distance they I can't quite see it he goes don't worry run off brings it back brings a bit closer they go oh it's tree stum it's called a distance shrinker yeah I don't understand cuz the whole point of the 100 meters is you're running fast so why do they have to all with the the take photos of when they finish and stuff why don't they just put the middles at the end and and just put them on a table and then start and then whoever gets the goal is the winner you've just made the Olympics better I think at the end of the 100 meters it should just be a sheer drop and actually the skill is stopping not yeah cuz that would be the running exactly 100 me be amazing that would not be 10 seconds no they're doing they're doing and a bit at the moment 100 bang onone or you're dead and also how about that walking still an Olympic sport cuz when I was a kid walking with a sport and I never that because I've never seen anyone walk like in professional Walking in real life well people fundamentally don't want to run don't they if you're crossing the road and you're walking and you think the car might hit you you don't run to save your life you just hurry up a little bit don't you fool you just hurry up yes cuz you want to just miss you see I knew I knew I had that under control so you don't cuz what you should do is realize the car would kill you you must set off as fast as you can to save your life and go I'm alive but you don't you just go whoop just missed okay totally true all right se you got to go first what do you like the look of CHR you want to do your pick go on then me by the way I'm I'm the one without the the crown of thorns okay 32% of Brit would like to watch Chris Moes kill no of course not if it was that eat you'd have to be [Applause] [Music] hungry I'd rather be fat Chris 32% of Brits would like to what Chris mes kiss it's not kiss god listen to Chris mes only 32 say something M it involves getting into your personal space Oh okay 32% of Brits would like to climb in your mouth plenty of room there that's all personal space isn't it move in with that's exactly the right answer hooray yes 32% of BRS would like to share a flat with Chris Moes Chris has been censored in the past by Broad broasting Watch Dogs for the inappropriate use of the word gay what a bunch of Benders Jason what do you like the look of let's go Wilder Ogden from that documentary Co Street 63% of Northern women have what um a pie a pie fetish you like a bloke to dress up like a pie and come in hello and it's different it's night I'm chees an onion what that rollers rollers curlers no that's not that's not it it's Jennifer I'd feel sorry is is it rickets have you been to the north it's all right these days all right you know got quite a similar climate and everything hairy balls can I just say this is this is very racist against Northern women at the a second ago that's a fact okay what do you think 63% of Northern women have untangled a mystery on Sunday night on fish mystery most of the top detectives are Northern women that's a fact it's another fact I'll give you qu something Fern Britain has probably done eaten far too much food it's a very specific food stuff and it's in one sitting lad right 63% of Northern women have eaten a whole packet of Jaffer cakes and they don't give a I'll give you that close enough salute you and women 63% of Northern women have eaten an entire packet of biscuits in one go well you've got to finish the pack before you get to the checkout you have to pay for them 85% of women say cooking is the most important skill they look for in a partner I think you've missed out the word obese before women [Music] if you're watching this and you're obese put that down fatty absolute rubbish what do you look for in a partner I don't know many women that say oh he's really good at cooking maybe you were misheard him what do you look for in a in a man fat face even fatter face you know [Applause] this statistic is a little bit weird because a lot of McDonald's staff are single at no point does a woman go oh you've got five stars let me take me knickers off you know me what you're on the frer have a touch of these Britain's most ridiculous law is it Jude Law it's not Jude Law it's not sod's law it's not Murphy's Law is it sod 's law no I love that Murphy's Law there's one for pregnant women isn't there that they are allowed to ask a policeman if they're in a public place that they can urinate in his helmet does he have to say yes or can he he to say yes you have to you allowed to be in his helmet he does he doesn't have to he doesn't have to put it back on afterwards he does have to put it back on slowly going Harum I think that it is a law I hope someone else has heard of this that you can kill a Scotsman in Nottingham if he has a bow and arrow sorry when you said that I hope someone else has heard of this have you killed a Scotsman in not it's a place where you can't die a place where you can't die there is a place in England where I know this it's um you're not allowed to die in the is it the parliament Al as apartment that's the correct answer that's the true thing most ridiculous law is it's illegal to die in the houses of Parliament another strange law is pregnant women can urinate anywhere they want great news I think Manana is pregnant all right world's most disappointing tourist attraction there's one just outside Middlesboro and it's a butterfly world and the thing is it's like a humidified environment so I walk in and my glasses just steamed up that's what happens but complet and I freaked out I went and I killed about 12 very rare species [Music] oufits the rides are I'm Dosh aren't all right I think that means I can say it I think so is it black pool and my dad used to drive us he's got narcolepsy my dad he get in the car he drive right yeah you get in the car and he go right Lads if you hear this noise wake me up and you'd be driving to Black pool like Dad Dad I'm all right I'm only one maning you up on get you're like I don't want to go on any rides just sit yourself he's gorgeous hasn't put me off him at all he falls asleep in fact he made it more attractive I can't wait to get my hands on your sleepy [Applause] [Laughter] Dad okay world's most disappointing tourist attraction is it Eiffel Tower you're absolutely right yes the most disappointing tourist attraction in the world is the Eiffel Tower the Eiffel Tower is the most pointless erection since I went on a date with Martina naala

Channel: Banijay Comedy

Views: 25,287

Keywords: british comedy, Comedy, British comedy, best British comedy, 8 out of 10 cats, 8oo10c, sean lock, sean lock 8 out 10 cats, best of 8 out of 10 cats, funniest 8 out of 10 cats moments, 8 out of 10 cats funny moments, best of sean lock 8 out of 10 cats, best of british comedy, best of 8 out of 10 cats jimmy carr, 8 out of 10 cats funny compilation, 8 out of 10 cats funny clips, sean lock 8oo10c, cats official, best of 8 out of 10 cats series 06, 8 out of 10 cats series 06

Id: ytk9tbfQFgM

Length: 52min 26sec (3146 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 24 2024