#1 Divorce Attorney: Why It's Better To Be Single! - STOP CHASING & Do This Instead | Faith Jenkins

like well why am I still single is there something wrong with me is there something off within me those questions will start to weigh on you and you'll start to feel like well being single is something I obviously need to get out of for everyone who wants to attract lasting relationship love is not going to be the thing that keeps a marriage together it's going to be you talk about the six lessons that we can use to master being single and finding that soulmate so I want to go through all six lessons with you today so let's start with number one how to be single when you don't want to be Lisa I've seen so many relationships where I felt like the person just picked somebody because there was pressure for for whatever reason to do so and I saw how those relationships were crashing and burning and I just didn't want that for myself so I thought I will uh take some time and really discipline my thought life as well because that outside pressure can get to you if you're not careful and I just made a decision based on what I was observing in family court with these families and people would tell me you you don't know real unconditional love until you have a child people would say things like that to me um or you don't know true love until you have a baby and they would they would say those things to try to put more pressure on me to move my life in a in a different direction which was you need to settle down you need to get married you need to have kids well first of all that's just not true it may be true for some people maybe some people feel that way but you have to understand I worked with a lot of families and I saw again I was working with women and a most of them had children I saw women who were angry and bitter because their husband or their significant other left and they had sons who they took it out on they were jealous of their own daughters so this notion that somehow having a child is going to bring up all of this love and all of these things in you that you will never experience otherwise it's not true because I saw people who abandoned their children they were able to look at them and still turn around walk out the door and leave and disappear so me at an early age seeing all of these issues in family cour I just knew that it wasn't true and I thought I'm not going to let somebody else's perspective try to put pressure on me to move in a direction to just pick somebody when I truly did not believe that that person would would be my person did you do the process a tour of what if I never found somebody yes and how did you feel about that and what did that process look look like I would rather and I I have a you know beautiful daughter and I met my husband after I turned 40 years old but I would rather not have children than to have a child with somebody who's toxic and be tied to co-parenting a child with somebody who was toxic because I saw what that looked like it was really really hard for people to be able to navigate that space I was willing to be okay not having children because I could not settle for something less than being able to navigate parenting with and my choice was to have a child with my husband one day that's what I wanted um but for me I was very I wanted to be very careful about making that choice because I actually think marrying the wrong person is uh is an is an easier thing to get out of than having a child with somebody who is toxic and you have to deal with a lot of that for the rest of your life you can't co-parent with somebody who's toxic so you're constantly trying to navigate somebody else who has a tremendous amount of influence over this person that you're trying to raise up in this world in this day and age to be a good human yeah god um I I've just heard of so many people that how they use their children as ammunition when it comes to getting a divorce it is one of the saddest um things that I witnessed working in family court because people will try to use the person who they know you love the most or the thing they know you care about the most your relationship with your child and they will try to use that against you Unfortunately they are okay with your child being hurt as long as they can get to you so the love for their child is not at a higher level than the hatred that they have for you and that should never be the case but it happens regularly um and uh it's it's pretty sad reason 1,772 why you shouldn't uh go with somebody that isn't right for you you do your best for example when you've never witnessed a happy relationship growing up how do you make a choice when all of your experience when you're drawing from ignorance that's where I was so how do you make those choices so I had to learn a lot of these things some of them the hard way but I also Drew from all of my professional experience and watching other people make mistakes and say okay I saw this person make this mistake I know to avoid this roadblock or avoid this pitfall because I'm watching someone else go through this you know the story about the two sons with an alcoholic father one of the sons never touched a drop of alcohol his entire life and they asked him why what was your reason and he said I washed my dad the other son started drinking when he was 16 years old continued in college became a raging alcoholic and they said what happened what how did this happen and he said I watched my dad so often times it is a matter of what you pick up on and what you choose to embrace your knowledge of life and making a decision about which way you're going to go based on the knowledge that you have some people have this innate and I would say I was probably one of those people Lisa my parents got divorced when I was young when I was probably 11 years old and I just remember thinking in my mind I'm happy they got divorced I was not upset about my parents getting divorced they did not need to be married and I thought they were better parents to me allowing me to see what a healthy co-parenting relationship looked like than what a bad marriage looked like because if I if I witness a bad marriage the entire time I grew up that's all I would have to draw from kids are okay for the most part with their parents getting divorced it it may hurt but the pain of them watching a a toxic relationship that never goes away versus you can get over that breakup you know what they want to see they want to see their parents come together and celebrate their birthday they want to see their parents come together and celebrate the holiday they want to see that but they're okay when they know it's not working and it's really hard for them to witness that day in and day out toxicity they're usually okay with the parents going their separate ways and with the right foundation and when you don't have one parent that's trying to alienate or turn the child against the other parent they're able to heal a lot faster yeah god um haven't grown up at the same my parents divorc when I was around eight years old and they never went to court and that was one of the reasons that they're like no like we want to show our kids that we're not going to fight over them that we're going to put their best interest at heart and so to your point I think it's way better to have a healthy loving two parents that don't live together than have that toxicity AB but growing up if you have grown up in that environment people then can repeat it and so they perceive certain behaviors as love or as a sign of affection when it's really just a toxic idea of what affection or love actually looks like and one of the reasons that I also hear that people do settle though is because they don't like to be lonely like the feeling of being alone and I'm there's so many stats and studies now out there about one of the biggest signs of dying ear early is actually loneliness and so understanding why people don't be want to be alone but in order to not be alone it means that you need to find someone if someone's fearing uh being alone then they may choose somebody that isn't right for them and I have a quote of yours I think it's something like um just because you were thirsty it doesn't mean that you should go and drink poison and so I I love that analogy when it comes to a relationship as well how that can be the same how do you then prevent or encourage people to not settle for the moment happiness that may then end up leading to the long-term um toxicity I know um just in my work and talking to so many people they're in relationships but they're still quite lonely because they are not getting their needs met in that relationship so being in a relationship is not the answer to loneliness it it it's just not so um and being single does not mean that you have to be lonely when I interviewed the women that I did for my book so many single women in their 30s one thing I found that was consistent throughout the women who were really happy in their lives and and yes they also wanted a relationship but they had filled their lives with so many good things so even though they weren't in a relationship they still had social interactions and Social Circles and groups that that they were drawing from and that they were interacting with and that was a special part of their life they did things that they enjoyed doing and a lot of them actually ended up meeting their Partners just being out doing things that they love doing because then they met other people who enjoy doing those same things so it was amazing to witness that process just continuing to live and every day just making a choice asking yourself what is it that I like to do what is it that interests me what is it that I find fun and fulfilling and filling your life up with those things during this single period because once you if your goal is marriage and once you get there and you get married you have to understand now you're part of a team so everything you do you're getting input from the team is this good for us it's not just about me and anymore where in when you're in this single season of your life it really is about you what is it that you want to do do you want to take those cooking classes do you want to move to Bali for a year do you want to you know just stretching yourself out as much as you can if more people would understand Embrace this season just like you're going to embrace your marriage season just like you're going to embrace this partnership it is a your goal is living a fulfilled life Right Where You Are and because of those women this Core group of friends and women that I interviewed for the book because they chose to fill up their cups in their seagull season I never heard them complain about being lonely and then the perspective of what if a year from now you meet your person and they come into your life what do you want them to see you've been doing over the past year and if if that happens if you meet your person a year from now how would you live your life right now what what would you be doing you would probably be enjoying every aspect that you possibly could knowing that you're going to enter into this partnership and now it's not just going to be me it's going to be a we yeah I love that so much and then also as you were talking and you said if your goal is marriage I think the follow-up thing is really why is that a goal of yours that's important like what is it about marriage that you're seeking because I don't know if enough of us ask that question like I got married so young and I think a big part of was like oh you meet somebody you're fall in love with the next stage is marriage the next stage is kid right it was like there was a plan that was pregiven to me from childhood of how I should live my life and so even getting to the age of you know 25 back in the day it was like oh God you're single at 25 what's wrong with you um so even asking yourself why is marriage a goal of yours I think identifying because we may just be moving forward assuming that marriage is going to give us something and to your point maybe you can give it to yourself what you just brought up is such an important point because uh marriage is not to make you happy being in a committed relationship is not to make you happy if that is your goal if you think that marriage is going to make you happy you are in for a very rude awakening because there is nothing outside of yourself there are things that can add a happiness factor to your life right they can add those things but if you think that a man coming along is going to make you happy first of all why are you giving someone that kind of power over your life that someone can come in and then you're going to be happy because when you give over that kind of power then a person has the power to make you sad they can have the power to make you depressed so you never want to give over that kind of power our goal should be happiness and of course we go through Peaks and valleys and difficult times and challenges and all those things but our goal should be happiness where we are and then someone else comes along and they add to the happiness in our life so you want to be a person who is and we're all on this journey to healing and all these things but you want to be a person that's on that Journey right that someone can see they can come and meet and there's a light about you and then you're attracted to their light and then together you come and you are light together that is the goal because you're meeting a man you're not meeting a God you're not looking for somebody to come in and save you and that should be such a key understanding that light analogy was great because I was thinking to your point about if you allow someone to make you happy they also have the power to make you sad with the light it's like if you're if you're in a dark room and you're waiting for someone to come in with a torch what if they leave and now your room's dark again yeah so like that analogy was beautiful right um Okay so we've just touched on upon the first one of how to be single when you don't want to be so I want to go to the next lesson of yours which is how to stop past relationships from impacting your future success that's a big one too when you've been dating for a while you've probably experienced some level of heartbreak at some point and the longer you're out there in these single streets like I was for a long time you've probably also experienced some level of betrayal you've probably also experienced rejection and you've experienced some level of pain pain when it comes to a relationship ending have you learned how to navigate the end of a relationship a breakup or have you held on to everything that's happened from your past so now when you meet somebody new they have to get past all of the walls that you have up to get to know you because there is this fear and you're protecting yourself you think you're protecting yourself but what it's really doing is poisoning your perspective because now somebody has to earn their way into your life they have to they have to earn your trust they have to earn a position in your life where they can have any kind of relationship with you because you're coming in making them pay for something they had nothing to do with in your past what up homie I got something free and new to share with you right now how often are you visited by that negative voice in your head telling you that you're not smart enough that you're not good enough experienced enough not fill in the blank one of the most powerful things you can learn to do in life is to turn that negative voice into to your bestie and I want to teach you how to do that and so much more in my four steps to becoming confidence workshop and guys the most amazing thing is you can actually register for completely free for this Workshop so click the link on your screen and I see you on the inside so it's about breaking down those walls and you think that people you think that men especially may not know but they notice they notice when you are um just you know there's a level of I think cautiousness that we all have when you know when you meet somebody new but then there are the walls that are up and there's a level of distrust that you go in with there there's a level of of pain that you bring with you and people are having to work past all of that so when I talk about those past relationships number one there are people that you probably have to forgive they've never apologized and it's okay because it's not about their apology it's about what you have to do for you so you have to forgive them and you have to let it go and then you have to forgive yourself because you made mistakes as well you may think you know I made poor decisions well guess what when you know better you do better so it's okay to not only forgive them and I'm not saying you have to pick up the phone and call them and say hey I heard faith on this podcast and she wanted me to call you and let you know all as well there are people you forgive and you never speak to them again because you have those boundaries that are up that are that need to be up but forgiveness is a huge way to lighten your load so that you're not carrying around this weight of anger and resentment from something that's happened in the past that you cannot change the past can't be changed and then that self-forgiveness which is so key because you're lighting the load for yourself we all make mistakes and as long as we're learning from those mistakes that's how we know we're growing and so going to going through those two processes learning how to do that and it's not instant sometimes it takes time to forgive someone when you feel like you've been betrayed but you have to be able to move forward in your life and not allow things in the past to impact your today because not only did they impact what happened back then but now they're impacting your now and that's what you don't want have you had experiences where you were betrayed and you had to go through that process absolutely do you mind taking me through that I absolutely I um I remember my very first break up in my very first what I call adult relationship and um it was a really eye openening experience for me because I learned that this person had a whole another another relationship that I didn't know about and I was 25 years old and that actually was my first real heartbreak and I remember for 2 years I was physically not in a relationship with this person but mentally still very much tied to that relationship because I was hanging on to the potential that I thought was there who I thought they were going to be who I thought they told me that they were all of this potential now I broke up with the reality of who they were but I was still hanging on to the potential of what I thought that relationship was going to be for two years I didn't know how to let go I didn't know how to do it and it took a lot of work and a lot of internal work for me to decide okay am I going to pay I'm going to pay now or I'm going to pay later meaning pay now take myself through this get myself out of this situation cut off the contact cut off the ties so I can be okay to move forward or I can continue to pay later which means I'm going to hang on to this thing that's happened yes I was lied to yes I was betrayed yes I was cheated on but how long am I going to let that impact my life and it was about making that decision to go through that healing process and it took me some time but once I realized I was still tied to a relationship that I wasn't in I knew I had to do the work to let it go how did you identify that you were still attached then my emotionally that's where I was that emotionally he was the person who I was still thinking about every day having arguments in my mind with every day just still so attached to what happened to me and not being able to let it go because that that forgiveness is really about freeing yourself freeing yourself to be open again and letting the past be what it is you can't change it it happened but you can grow from it and I said to myself Lisa I will make better choices next time because these are some of the red flags that I saw that I missed I was young take me through the red not not experienced um in relationships and I think I missed some of those uh key red flxs yeah so like I there's a study in Forbes that says around 60% of all divorces are caused by uh betrayal and infidelity um so knowing that knowing what you've been through how do you then start to how you know obviously you said you did the internal work but then how did you then build that up as you take it into the next relationship because you said earlier someone you know if you bring your past relationship into your current they have to earn your trust I think that should be the fundamental in a way right that someone earns your trust regardless of whether you've been burnt or not but how does someone earn your trust when you hold such a toxic idea yeah to the word trust first U to your point about earning trust yes that that is important and I think that when I mentioned about earning trust there's an unhealthy level to that as well and I tell people now when you're dating and you're meet you meet someone one people lie but their patterns don't really good friend in a situation where she met someone and this man had been twice divorced and he had cheated in both of his marriages but he met her and was like but I'm not going to do that with you I've learned I've grown you're different you should ignore what people say and look at their actions alone what about this person's actions is indicative that they've grown that they've learned that they changed and as she dated him with um I would say with her antennas up with just like watching everything sort of a little bit on high alert because of the past because of those patterns she realized that he wasn't where he really needed to be for her to be able to commit to him and him be truly loyal she made the right to Choice he went through a third divorce since she broke up and they went in their separate ways people's patterns really do reveal a lot about who they are and so if you are meeting someone and they have a history of infidelity they have a history of not being trustworthy and just having these conversations and finding out what happened in previous relationships how did it end you there's a risk because some people may lie they may be good at deceiving you but a lot of times if you just observe and you keep your ears open your eyes open and your ears and you're listening you're going to pick up on some things that may not quite ring true for you and that's when it comes to trusting your instinct and trusting your gut and and you go from there and I think as time goes on you learn faster about when you get to know yourself and what you like what you dislike you're able to recognize faster when somebody has those core qualities that that you really like I literally was you took the words out of my mouth when I was going to say gut instinct because someone may say something but every so often you just get that feeling and so I kind of think in those moments of like take an inventory I say a lot right it's like when you have gut instinct I go okay maybe this is just a suspicion based on my past experience right like you know John did this and so Billy's going to do this it's like no okay let me just take inventory when they said this actually didn't feel true not sure why but right like kind of taking that inventory and using that as your cheat sheet if you will as your relationship progresses because sometimes especially if you've already um fallen in love with their potential as you said earlier you you want to hear the right things that make the potential seem right right right so they said that they're going to do the work they're not going to cheat on me because of this reason well he did buy bu me flowers so okay right and so now you're fitting into the mold of what you think the potential looks like and ignoring the red flags that may come up so taking that inventory of in of gut I think is amazing um and then um how do you then prevent Your Potential from not overriding the red flags that you see here's what's really important there's always a risk when you desire love there's a risk involved that you may get hurt you have to be okay with taking the risk but you also can be armed with some knowledge and some wisdom about how to make choices that will probably work out better for you than choices that you made in the past by just learning and growing and getting that experience and also by listening to other people and the choices that they made how they've been able to achieve success and how they've been able to avoid certain pitfalls I'm very big now on having a mentor professionally personally I'm married now celebrating my fouryear wedding anniversary soon 5 years with my husband but having a mentor even in marriage because you're constantly growing and evolving and there are certain mistakes that you just don't have to make because other people made them and you can learn from them I love that and I've also heard you say like every ending means that there's a new beginning and I actually really love that because um when I think about if a relationship ends and people are holding on maybe um to something that you know um I think actually it was you that said so many times in divorce court you've heard people like oh yeah I knew this marriage was over you know years ago but I just needed that one final thing to kind of realize that this wasn't right for me and so a lot of people do hold on for a while um even if it isn't really serving them and so in everything that you're saying with your story the fact that you had to take 2 years to really unwire that you know that that person that would that cheated on you that was toxic um you've I kind of were you able to use that as a positive thing afterwards because I'm always trying to think how do I turn this negative thing into a positive thing and having gone through the dating scene having gone through these experiences did you find that it made you a better selector and a better data when you've eventually met your husband yes a few things that I uh took from that experience number one in terms of uh choosing better and making better choices because what I started to do was get to know myself more and learning that uh people are going to take their cues from you and how you treat yourself in terms of how they treat you and you're going to find that your relationships reflect that so I started going on this journey of what do I like about me and what are the things that I think other people traits that they have will be compatible with the things that I like number two I learned about just just growing from all of those lessons pain in life is inevitable but suffering is optional I was like I'm going to stop all this suffering that I'm doing every time a relationship doesn't work out why do I have to suffer so much and I thought I really don't have to suffer sometimes things don't work out by the time I met my husband 6 months prior to me meeting him I went through another breakup you may say another one yes another one I had several during my da years but that one was different for me than all the others because I remember going through that breakup and I thought to myself I'm going to apply everything I've learned what's the point of going through all of the things that you've gone through and all the lessons and all the growth if you can apply them when things get tough because it's really easy to be so motivational and inspirational when you're not going through it anything right but when you're going through something that's when you apply and that's when you know that You' really grown so I said I'm going to apply all these lessons what am I going to do radical acceptance I am not going to hold on to this man this did not work out for me it is okay I'm going to allow this door to close because it must mean that there is a bigger and better door opening for me down the road and I'm just going to believe that that is what is happening so I radically accepted that that relationship was over and I let it be I didn't fight for it I had people you need to fight for what you want that's I wasn't there I didn't fight for it I didn't hang on to it I didn't try to convince anyone to to want to be with me that's not what I wanted so I let it go and I also did some internal work with my own perspective I decided we talk about intentional dating one of the steps in my program what that means to be an intentional dater what is it that you want out of your dating experience are you at a point where you just want to be casual do you have you already been married and had kids you don't want that or do you want a long-term relationship do you want a true partnership do you want marriage in that moment I decided this is what I want for myself I want to get married and I want to be married to somebody who is going to add things to my already full life so I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen over the next year if you're opening a business what do you do you create a business plan so I started doing the things that worked for me in my professional life and applying them to my personal life it's something about just writing down that goal that I had for myself in my personal life and looking at it every single day and even when I didn't see things happening around me I looked at it and I said this is what I want for my personal life this is what I'm on my way to this is what's going to happen for me and I wasn't out every day Lisa okay is that my husband let me see is he you know walking down the street no I I just lived my life I started doing more things that I enjoy doing I I was going through this breakup I was like let me fill my cup with things that I like to do that's how I ended up meeting my husband six months later oh my God I love that so much and so that to your point that's number three of the power of intentional dating so talk to me about why that's important and why um that was such a big part of your pivot and how you able to add someone else to your cup as well well I I love the um the power of intentional dating because it really is about knowing what you want because that's half of the battle of getting to where you want to go is just knowing what you want what are some of your non-negotiables things that you know and I I kind of start there because your non-negotiables are things that these are these are absolute musthaves for you for you it could be someone who loves to travel someone who is a very loyal someone who is an inspiration to you like what are your non-negotiables those things and you start from there and you have a clear you have Clarity in your own mind in terms of what you want and it's not about what someone else's opinion is because we're all different people with different wants and different needs you know yourself best so you start with that Clarity of what you want and then you go from there I love that and is that in order to make sure that you don't then go for somebody um purely out of the the love and the oxytocin that maybe you're feeling on like that first dat or that those first initial um you know interactions yeah because you don't want to be constantly metamorphosing into somebody that you're not because then people can't get to know the authentic real you which is what you really want to build off of you know they say opposites attract but study show They Don't Really last yeah because it's the PE it's the things that that Foundation those core Val values that people build over time because life happens you change they change the world changes but when you have the those foundational pieces in place that's how people are really able to build and stay together as everything around them changes even you so going in knowing you hate Sports you absolutely hate football you do not have to put on a jersey now every Sunday because your man is a huge New York Giants fan so you don't have to be tend to be something that you that you're not to get to know someone I I use this example uh in my in my program in my course let's say you are not that religious but you you meet somebody who's a preacher now you want to go to church every Wednesday and Sunday or you you meet an attorney now you're watching Law and Order reruns every night it's it's like trying to turn into something that you that you're not that's preventing someone from getting to know the real you don't don't you want somebody to know what makes you you what makes you special what makes you unique the things about you that are interesting for them to know and get to know I that's that's just really key in terms of intentional dating being grounded in who you are and then being clear about what you want so where's the final line though of going I I hate soccer but you know what my partner loves it and so I'm going to help but us a bond by putting on the soccer shirt and going then you do that so that you can Bond versus 5 years later you're like who the hell am I I don't even like soccer and here I am in this you know soccer sweatshirt so where's that fine line because I think it is beautiful when somebody else tries to love the things that you love right like when I first met my husband he was into rock music and I was a hip-hop fan and so I was like what the hell I used to I call it the screaming music I'm like what the hell is this screaming music but then I thought well if he likes it and I'm dating him there might there should be a commonality so let me see if I can try to get into this music the fine line is pretending to be someone that you're not just to impress this person the fine line is lying to yourself every time you have and and I know these are light-hearted examples but when you have boundaries that you continue to break to try to get someone else to like you you like yourself a little less so it's about pretending to be someone that you're not just because you hope this person will like you when it's not really authentically you I think it's great too if you try to when you're when the person you love loves something and you try to figure out okay why do you love this what's what's that's great but it's the putting on a facade and turning into someone that you know is not going to last just because you think that's going to draw that person in more that's a great uh differentiator because yeah I I still don't like the screaming music by the way um okay so we're going to go to the next one number four which is the important red flags and boundaries to recognize now we're talking about boundaries yes well first what are red flags they're the warning signs that some Behavior could potentially be bad for you down the road those are those warning signs some red flags are they're not subtle they're just direct if if your person if you know go back to the sports analogy but if they get angry when their team loses and they punch a hole through the wall that's a pretty direct red that somebody may have some anger issues right but a lot of times they're more more subtle and it's about really making some observations about this person and listening and observing first date red flags let's talk about some of them because you know in my book I talked to a lot of different women and and this was a big part of the discussion someone who only talks about themselves and they don't ask any questions about you those first dates should be about having conversations where you're getting to know each other and if someone only talks about themselves and they're really not interested in learning that much about you it could be a red flag that they are pretty self-centered this is a big one people who show up late and they don't call to let you know that they're running behind that is a red flag they probably don't respect your time and it could be a sign of some big issues down the road and then as you go on and you progress in their relationship you know someone who is constantly talking about you know all their exes are crazy now Lisa All My Exes really are crazy but that's no but it's someone who doesn't take any responsibility for any of their past relationships working out what does that mean about them in their growth and development because we all contribute in in some way we can all grow and learn it's usually not because all of our exes are crazy but what what is that if that's true what does it say about their picker and the choices that they're making and who they're choosing to date people who are fiscally irresponsible because when you get married you are it's like running a small business you are running a household and if someone has not been fiscally responsible as a single person that's not going to change when they get married unless they are on a path to learning how to be intentional and break some of those bad habits that they've had you want to see that before you make the choice you want to see some size there moving in the right direction before you make the legal and and emotional choice to tie yourself with this person because you hear all the time what are the number one factors and reasons that people get divorced and right up there at the top are financial reasons really at the top yes yes why is that because people are combining their lives and they're making decisions about not just your finances a lot of times it's somebody else's too and when you're not on the same page in terms of how you want to spend your spending money versus how much you want to save versus how much you want to travel versus how much you want to put towards household bills all of those things those are things that really should be discussed prior to going into marriage yeah God and to your point that you had said earlier reason 1362 of why Opposites Attract isn't a great combination especially when it comes to something like that because if you're a spender and someone else is a Savor if you're the sav and other person the spender um you definitely are going to clash and Collide yes and so much of marriage is about compromise because you do have two different people coming in with different perspectives backgrounds experiences knowledge all of those things so much is it of it is about compromise but give yourself the best chance at succeeding by having these discussions early on before you get married and getting to know someone and what their value system is like what's really important to them what works for them in running their home what works for you in running your home so that you can really make an informed decision about who you're going to combine your life with yeah I love that and then going to something else that you had said um where if you've been through a lot of toxic relationships you know you didn't say this word but what's the common denominator I've also I've actually heard you say um relationships don't have problems the individual has a problem that they bring to the relationship so talk to me about that well because people don't have relationship problems they really have problems that they brought into their relationships if you work on yourself while you are single and you learn how to communicate effectively Lisa that's what you're going to bring into your relationship an effective Communicator if you work on yourself and you learn how to compromise and get along with others that's what you're going to bring into your relationship somebody who knows how to compromise marriage is not a magic wand that changes people into someone else whoever you are as a single person what you're learning as a single person that is what you are bringing into your marriage so that's why I talk about what a big deal it is to continue to be on this journey of not only having a fulfilled life but working on who you are so that you're bringing somebody who has all of these wonderful attributes to contribute to the relationship who do you want your person to meet let's say you meet your person tomorrow who do you want them to meet do you want them to meet somebody who knows how to handle conflict who knows how to compromise who knows how to talk to you when they're angry who knows how to navigate different difficulties in a relationship or do you want them to meet somebody who's just been going through life and oh you'll figure it out when when you get there it's a much stronger position when you when you're working on all of these things and growing as an individual and you meet that person and then the two of you can can can continue to grow together why did that that really hit me something you said made me think about how many people I've heard heartbreaking heartbreaking but I've heard them say that they'll H they have a child or they want a child to in order to fix their relationship I think that people make the mistake of thinking a child sometimes that a child will be something that is a bonding experience and that they will somehow bring their relationship together as someone who has a 9month old I can tell you I our relationship has been challenged even more so during this time period because we've had to learn how to show up for each other in different ways now that we have a baby in our home so if anything I think whatever issues that are there you are risking exacerbating them even more because you have now not just you and your other person that you're working with and navigating but now you have a child that is solely looking to to you your family whoever your village is for that love and support and and bringing a child into a broken relationship is not going to fix anything the only thing that can fix a broken relationship is actually doing the work to find out how we got here having a child and bringing a child into this world is one of the uh biggest choices you can make in life in your relationship and I know you've talked about it many times how you chose not to have children which is a very valid Choice having one child is also a valid Choice having two is a valid Choice all of these are very valid choices and you should never let outside of you know trying to somehow you think it's going to fix something in your relationship which it doesn't but also this notion of that children somehow add to this picture perfect experience you're supposed to have in life and if you don't somehow you're missing out again it's just not true everyone because you we talked about the questions of people asking me about being single and when I was going to get married well guess what when I got married the questions didn't stop guess what they started asking me when you going to have a baby when are you going to have a baby I have a daughter now not because of external pressure but it's because my husband and I wanted to have a child I already get questions when are you going to have another Well you can't have an only child you can't that this child needs a sibling let me tell you if you're not in my house waking up at 3:00 in the morning to feed and do a feeding and and rock and and a nurse and all those things if you are not putting money in my cash app because babies are expensive to uh help support raising them you have no say so you really have no say so regardless but I think it's so important that we respect everyone's wishes and terms of what they want to do with their own journey in their personal life what's so beautiful about life is is not a race it can't be a race because we're not all running in the same direction and so just being able to embrace your journey and stand in that truth of even if you have an idealic marriage that does not mean you have to add children if that's not what you want to do yeah yeah I got that so much I was like but you guys love each other yeah okay like does that mean then by by definition we should have kids or you know um the other thing that I got a lot was people assuming I couldn't have kids because they're like well you're in a happily you're in a happy marriage you guys love each other it seems very stable oh well you must not be able to um and so again I understand that people bring their preconceived notions to it um but the reason why I asked the question about having children for the sake of the marriage is um growing up I did hear a women saying that like Oh I thought you know if we had to child together that that would fix our marriage and I think that back then at least I think what it was doing was just making it harder for the person to leave yeah and so that doesn't mean that it's a stable happy marriage um and then going back to something else that we had said was how many people have you seen in your divorce court where they had they knew years ago that they were going to leave but it needed that one last thing to kind of like tip them over the edge um I actually have a stat about that actually just going to pull out where it says um most people cite the final straw as being the reason why they left and they usually cite it towards either cheating domestic abuse or substance abuse as being that kind of final straw and it's actually again heartbreaking that that's what forces people to leave a relationship versus I'm profoundly unhappy yeah it's usually a buildup and I always say there's only one thing worse being in a bad relationship and that's overextending your stay-in one you have to know when it's time to go um Li life is so short and I'm not saying Lisa if you're married you don't do the work that I think it takes to be married because what you will find if you talk to someone who's been married over 20 years what you will find consistent in that conversation is that it means if they're happily married and they are in a healthy relationship over 20 years that means that they have master Ed forgiveness that means that they know how to compromise that means they know how to let go of resentment that means they it is they've done the work they they they they've done the work to be able to get there and if you are in a relationship with someone who is putting you down and I've seen this in divorce court years of people hanging on and being staying in a situation that they know is not healthy for them that they know it's not working for them you do not stay for your children because all you are doing is demonstrating them how to be in a dysfunctional relationship so when you know that that whatever work that needs to be done in order for this relationship to work it's not happening this is you you you and this person is toxic and they are not good for you you always hear people later down the road say I know I should have left 5 years ago or I know I should have left six and then you stay and it just picks away at your spirit and at your um at your your zest for life and and all of these things and it's you have to be able to make a decision at some point when it's right for you when the time is for you to walk away God what is the thing that you've noticed in doing that show that is the common denominator of why people don't walk away and they seek such an extreme heartbreaking result a lot of people confuse control with love when you start seeing signs where someone is jealous of you spending time with your friends when they're jealous of you spending time with your family that's not a sign of Love That is a huge red flag of some controlling behavior that eventually does manifest itself consistently in most of our cases so confu you you have to know what love really is and what love looks like for you a healthy kind of love because if you don't then the unhealthy types of love that show up in your life you can be confused about those unhealthy types of love and say well this just means that this person really cares and it doesn't it's a level of control and often it starts there as in they've called me 10 times in the last hour they must love me they need to know where you are every hour of the day what are you talking about I'm at work I you know I go to work from 9: to 5 every day and so the the checking in the showing up the popping up the surprising you all of those things which can be real signs of controlling Behavior oh I just got this weird freaking flashback of being in college and I was dating this guy we' been together for 3 years about mean two years at the time and I was away at college and he would show up and he would just surprise me and it was he was trying to catch me he thought I was um cheating on him which I never did and because I shared a dorm room with these other girls the girls have guys that come into the dorm room so he he somehow hears this guy in the background and he showed up yeah and just as you were saying that I was like oh I totally said oh my look how much he loves me he just drove an hour and a half to come and surprise me actually he was trying to find me Che on him but he just came all this way to surprise me he must love me that much and that's what I talked about earlier when we talked about the unhealthy levels of mistrust he obviously had serious trust issues and they were manifesting themselves in in your relationship yeah but because I think I so I didn't have another boyfriend before that I didn't have any interest no yeah no other guys also showed me Interest so that when someone showed me intense interest I just took that as um a a good uh stroke into my self-esteem like I had very low self-esteem so that just felt good in the moment yes well it's it's what I talked about earlier about when you how do you learn what is supposed to be happening in a successful relationship when you are really drawing from ignorance when you don't know and that's how early on when I started working in family court and making those observations and throughout my year and then I started educating myself I started reading like things like my book there are some other great resources out there I started educating myself because I said I don't have an example of what this is supposed to look like so how am I supposed to know what am I drawing from what experiences and then I started working in family court at 24 years old so I saw people at their worst I saw relationships at their worst and so I thought what do I do to make to not only help guide these women learn more so I can be a better guide because when you're when you're an attorney you're a therapist too you're you're a someone that people lean on they talk to you they share all their problems and you're navigating one of the most difficult times in their life when you're working through when they're working through their divorces so I had to start learning and building on a foundation of knowledge and then just learning for myself as well and so jealousy was one of the top reasons that you saw um specifically in your uh relationship killer show um and did you notice that in divorces as well jealousy insecurity that that deepr rooted insecurity um the which then turned into more controlling behavior and then this was something a little more subtle but I thought it was big making fun of your significant other moing or mocking them making jokes about something about them that you knew perhaps they were insecure about when someone shows it's just sign of they have a mean side to them because your partner should be building you up lifting you up adding to how you feel about yourself not tearing you down so saying thing saying something in the form of a joke and say oh I'm just joking you're being too sensitive it's a way it's another controlling Factor because they're picking away at your self-esteem and your self-confidence it's one of the top um I think manipulation tactics as well is like oh you can't take a joke look how sensitive you are and so now especially when you're in front of other people um that's such a cruel method I think and um I think a real sign of contempt and I would not walk I would run yeah what up homie I got something free and new to share with you right now how often are you visited by that negative voice in your head telling you that you're not smart enough that you're not good enough experienced enough not fill in the blank one of the most powerful things you can learn to do in life is to turn that negative voice into your bestie and I want to teach you how to do that and so much more in my four steps to becoming confidence workshop and guys the most amazing thing is you can actually register for complet completely free for this Workshop so click the link on your screen and I see you on the inside it's heartbreaking I've seen a lot of couples do that where they'll just mock each other and I'm just like oh God it's like heartbreaking yeah to your point are you with somebody that that lifts you up or tries to push you down um and actually actually have five of your relationship killer um tips that you say the things that really do uh ruin relationships and so you said betrayal of trust we've already discussed that number two un spoken expectations to talk to me about unspoken expectations I have a really good friend who talks about the example of when he got married and he said he thought I'm getting married I'm gonna come home and I'm gonna have dinner every night prepare for me and at first he said he would come home and there'd be baked chicken and you know the next night there'd be roasted chicken the next night fry you know all these different she only knew how to cook a few things but then when that stopped he didn't say anything but he was getting angry every night he would come home he was like where's my where's my food where's my dinner what's going on here and uh those and so the resentment started to build and not having a conversation about it all throughout your relationship the best thing for you to do is to continue to communicate and communicate effectively and what is effective communication mean you're always talking about what your expectations are and how you want want to be loved because your circumstances are changing and things are changing in your life you you may be busy with your career you may be busy with work so what you once wanted to do for your husband which is prepare a meal I'm not trying to just like totally dig in on gender roles here but this is the story he was telling um you may not be able to do that as much and having conversations about it so that those expectations that you have when they're not being met it's not resentment building because you're talking about it along the way did you write a list of your um expectations that you then told Kenny I had a list I was like really kind of Over the Top This was over the top saying I did I had a list of like 50 scroll I had to calm myself down a little bit um I had a list of about 50 things 50 50 50 I know I was like like I said time you the next up 50 things but I thought these are like things that I they weren't all non-negotiables but they were things that I thought were really important and then there were other things that I thought I could work with for example I'd never been married before my husband had been married before and when I met him he had been divorced for about 10 years so it' been a long time um and he had a teenage son so for me as a person going into our marriage if I just sharing a little bit more about my story I really asked myself what does that look like for me um am I is it going to be as special because we are going to have this wedding and if we have a child like these are all firsttime experiences for me so what does that look like for me in terms of making a choice and marrying someone who had had a previous marriage well there are a few things that I did number one I wanted to know what was the reason that that marriage ended like we talk about the Rel previous relationships ending I wanted to know the reason if it was infidelity or some kind of betrayal or something like that I knew that that was a red flag for me um so we talked about those things we had a great conversation and the reasons I thought were very understandable it was more so what we talked about Opposites Attract but they don't always stay together for those core values not being aligned so all of those things that I put down on that list and then I looked at the other things he was kind he had a a great heart a pure Soul he treated other people really well my husband has been in the entertainment industry for 25 years I started going places and meeting people who had known him and met him throughout various parts of his career from hotel clerks to drivers to other background singers and they could they could have said nothing to me about him but they all would tell me the same thing he's one of the nicest people that we ever worked with he's one of the nicest people that we ever met and so I started to feel safer with my choice because remember I say there's always a risk but as I got to know him and got to know uh so many things about him those things on my list that matter the most were really about his loyalty his kindness his work ethic CU I'm a hard worker and I'm a go-getter he's the same way he's a great entrepreneur being able to learn from him all of those things so that my worry in my fear of is this going to be okay for me marrying someone who's already been married before and my husband doing a great job of always making me feel that this is so special and this experience is is so special between the two of us and it's just when I say we are celebrating our four-year wedding anniversary and five years together it is a true celebration because we have um I I chose a great partner no matter what we've gone through the loss of my dad the the the pandemic and work being shut down the birth of our daughter and all of the the everything that comes with us learning how to show up differently for other people we have managed to do so so well as a team oh that was so beautiful can you take me through how that conversation happened because I love your transparency and honesty to say especially like as we women get older the chance of you meeting someone that doesn't have a child or never been married before it goes down so being beautifully honest about I really want you to feel the celebration like I don't want this to be like oh my God here I am it's my first time it's my first kid and your you know husband's over there uhhuh I already have one right like just owning that having that discussion would you mind taking me through what that discussion looked like and then how you were able and I'm just projecting now if that was me I would battle I would I would force myself to do it but I would battle with am I being needy oh my God like is there some shame over the fact that like I want my wedding to feel special and my our child together to feel special um I would have battled that and I think a lot of people would have battled that and stayed silent and that is what ends up echoing into them not being on the same page right so I'm so like impressed by you and the fact that you were able to do that how did you do that when you're talking about choosing a life partner it's one of the biggest decisions you will make and it will shape and influence so many different aspects of your life so so you have to be able to have difficult conversations and ask questions that are applicable to you and then we took it a step further and we actually did coun pre-engagement counseling counseling before we ever even got engaged because you know I'm an attorney my brain is thinking a different way okay I know all of these questions that I'm asking but am I missing something let me bring in a professional and let them help me out with these questions and so we went before a uh a a a counselor a pastor who also took us through questions there's you there's no such thing as asking too much when you're talking about making such a big decision with your life so I had all of these things that I wanted to discuss and I'm sure he he had same you know he wanted to talk about things too but we were just really open and honest about okay what does this look like for you what does this look like for us um and having those conversations where because I didn't believe in Falling in Love blindly I think you walk into love after you make your assessment no it may not sound like the most romantic but guess what love is not going to be the thing that keeps a marriage together it's going to be all of those other things all of those other decisions love is the floor it's not the ceiling so everything else that you have to build on and I knew that remember I'm coming from seeing family now for many years so having those discussions meant everything to me and once again you can have the talk and then there's the risk because you do take a risk because people in different circumstances they change your different things how many times have you witnessed someone go through a breakup and the person turns into a completely different person you see another side of them that you never even thought was possible for them to display they become spiteful and revengeful and and rude and all of these things because they're going through adversity they're they're under pressure they're turning into somebody who is different so I watched how my husband and I observed just from talking to him and I had the I had an advantage of meeting people who knew him uh when he was going through his divorce and every by all accounts he handled it the way I would want a responsible parent and a loving human being to handle it because even when he was having darts thrown at him he said my son is watching how I handle this and I'm going to make the right decision and that is what somebody's true character is really revealed when they go through through that adversity and I just respected him so much with how he handled it and I said wow this is never going to be a man that's going to tear me down when we go through a challenging time it's just not a part of who he is I observed his character as being on another level and again it made me feel safer in making my decision I love that so knowing having done the work seeing the the the horror stories of um what not doing the work looks like so then doing the work writing your list knowing why you need to talk to him I think is important to let go of any preconceived feelings embarrassment shame or guilt about asking for these uh having these expectations and then choosing somebody that can hear and respect your position yes and then you know of course telling him All My Exes were crazy so he didn't have to like you need to know about my past they all no I'm just kidding um they you know I had past relationships too that I and I told him about why these breakups happened because he could have questioned well why are you 40 and still and and not married you know you've had all these opportunities and you have this amazing career so we talked about we both talked about our past relationships and how where we were at that point in our lives and what we were coming together what would you actually say to somebody listening right now who maybe is in their 40s and someone says oh why you still in your 40 why are you in 40s and still single let's say you've never been married before because for some reason there's more of an expectation that you've been married and got divorced if you're 40 then have never been married and everybody's reason is going to be different because I know for me in my 20s marriage was not what I desired at all but for those who get the question I mean listen sometimes you just have to come back and say you know it's because my married friends tell me I'm lucky you can you can say something you can come back but which is the real answer but if people want to know um something you know it's it's this notion that you have to defend the position that you're in in life because you don't go around asking people why are you married yeah so but but people single people get asked all the time why are you here I think that that question and this is what single women should know that question really says more about the person asking the question than it ever really says about you because a it could be a personal choice uh it could be because of circumstances like like mine where I really didn't seriously date until I was in my 30s um and I went through a series of what I had to learn on my personal journey and three the real reason is everybody's journey is different and you have to embrace what your personal journey is we're not all on we got we have to get rid of these arbitrary timel lines they tell us we need to be a certain place by a certain age and that we're not going to get happiness until we achieve a certain level of success in our career or we meet somebody or we have a child because if you really feel that way you're always going to be chasing a carrot on a moving stick it never ends yeah that's so true um and to your point about people don't ask people why you're married I use that analogy with kids when people ask me um oh why don't you have kids I'm like would you ever go up to a mother with kids and be like why do you have kids like that would be people would think of that as so disrespectful so it becomes a society societal Norm of the questions that are allowed to be asked um versus ones that are not allowed or and I just think they're all inappropriate to be honest the question about children really really though should be off the table you could be asking this to someone who's going through a miscarriage and you don't even know it yes you could be asking this to someone who has medical issues and they have every right not to want to share any of those things with you you could be asking someone who just made a personal choice but it's their choice so there's so many reasons um what if you're what if you're asking that question to someone who's struggling to conceive they want to have children so your question is very triggering to them that subject must be tabled do not ask don't inquire if someone wants to talk to you about their family planning they will bring it up to you otherwise leave the subject alone yeah I love that okay so we we were on number four so we spoke about the important red flags and the boundaries and now we're going to go to number five is get to know someone the key topics to discuss so talk to me about what the key topics that we need to discuss in getting to know somebody before deciding whether they're right for you or not we talked about some of those already just having that open and honest conversation but also just keeping in mind there are so many areas that you can continue to have conversation about where do people want to live I remember one of my friends got divorced because literally they could not decide where they wanted to live he wanted to be in Atlanta she wanted to be in Chicago people think that it's going to work itself out once they get married they think these things will just work themselves out it doesn't happen that way necessarily so for some people it might but for a lot of people it doesn't so those things that are really important to you if you know you don't want to move to Chicago then you might not want to date somebody in Chicago who is also unwilling to move so having these discussions about simple things like that if you're dating long distance where do you want to live what about what about someone's family a significant other's family what is their family relationship like do they have long-term friendships are you okay with them loaning money to family members do you take do they take care of any other family members is that is this this discuss you need to have because now you're talking about building a household and finances in the household and when one party spins the household will will feel that a lot of times all of these very practical not necessarily romantic discussions and questions that you have they are all so important in getting to know someone when you're talking about combining a life and having a life partnership with them so I go through a lot of these questions in the book and and also in in the program because and it's never ending it's not this is a list and this list is exhaustive you you know you come up with questions that you want to ask based on what's important to you and you have these discussions and always remember people have a right to change their minds as well so 20 years from now you shouldn't expect to probably get the same answer you got 20 years ago well 20 years ago you told me this about you people are going to change they're going to evolve and I and that's why I always say you have these discussions because you want want to do your best to choose somebody who is going to grow and be compatible with you while the two of you are growing give yourself the best chance for success by having these discussions in advance but at the same time you're choosing someone who has some of these core values in alignment so that you can grow and as people change the whole relationship won't blow up as a result of it I'm glad you brought that up because even thinking about my own life I told my husband when I first met him that I wanted four children and here I am you know 20 years l saying I actually don't want any um and so do you advise in identifying what out of those things are potentially non-negotiables because for my husband when I first first met him he was like maybe I'll have kids maybe I won't it was me that said oh I want four so he was like four like he was horrified by how many um but I think a big part of it was is that because he was flexible because it wasn't something that he was like this is a MK that it actually even allowed me to think about do I want children or not because I had some space um but how do you then navigate that change so for for him it wasn't a non-negotiable for him so he was able to accept that change and you were able to continue to build on your marriage I have another friend who same situation they had agreed before getting married that they would have children and she changed her mind and decided she did not want to have kids and for him it was a non-negotiable and they ended up getting a divorce as a result of it so I say people have a right to change their mind but also you have a right to make a decision about what is best for you moving forward and sometimes that means if this is one of your non-negotiables and having and children often is for people you know what what you did uh was very different from someone saying because you said I changed my mind this is this is what I think now out and he was okay with that but for people who know that they don't want kids but they say they do because they think it's just going to help get the ring and get their relationship uh it often very much so backfires so you always just want to be authentic in what you're sharing with your significant other and you having the change of heart and your husband being able to accept that that's why you were able to continue to grow and build together yeah when people say um oh you guys are lucky it's like no it it so happens that we have the same core values and they don't revolve around the things I think a lot of people struggle with so like with kids because it wasn't a core value of his the fact that I changed my mind was you know um easy to navigate um but I think you know I but there's no judgment there don't I think that um we do pass judgment on people it's like I can't believe this person decided to change their minds were they're a different human how many people did you see in your divorce court actually that were like they're not the same person that I married all the time all the time and and I tell people they're not supposed to be yes they're not they're not supposed to be um I think what they mean is they've turned into someone that I can't live with that I can't grow with that I can't evolve with but in terms of all the time hearing and all the time they're not the same person you're not going to be the same per marriage the institution of marriage by itself changes you as a person because you are now living as this unit and as this team and you're always going to have your of course your individual personality and all of those things but so many decisions you make in life now you are considering someone else and this family that you were building every aspect of life so many aspects of life it causes us us us to change it's going going to promote change and growth in all of those things yeah so true um okay so now we are down to the last one number six answer questions who do you want the uh the person to meet so I know you touched a little on that earlier but so talk to me about the importance of this and I assume it's like the self-work for everyone who wants to attract lasting relationship and long-term love I always say ask yourself a question when you meet this person who do you want them to meet that's the work that I had to do I did not want my husband meeting a bitter broke down resentful hurt faith I wanted him to meet somebody who had an interesting life a fulfilled life who had worked through challenge es and obstacles and just became a better person along the way because it's not about the destination it's all about who you're becoming on the journey and I knew that I wanted him to meet someone who was a good communicator all of these things so during this time period where you are working to attract this love into your life and I do believe it is very possible for everyone who wants that for themselves it's about who you are becoming in this time frame and on this journey and that is as equally important who you are standing alone as you are in a relationship and do you believe that to be true as well as you're in the relationship with that person like do you keep coming back to yourself even though you're now married with a child you have to because my my time for example is different now that we I'm a wife and have a child and I never stopped working you and I were talking about this before we started today how I went and this was not a brag to say I started work so soon after giving birth I wanted to have more time but it was just necessary for the timing of the way things lined up with waiting until I had Skyler to finish production on the show and you're you're constantly evolving and learning I'm learning how to be a mom that's something complete this is something complet complely new to me and I'm I'm just n months into this journey learning how to manage anxiety I never had before but now facing all of these thoughts about what if something happens to me now I have a child and not wanting to get on a plane after I had her I didn't want to fly anywhere I just had all of these thoughts and I had to really focus on not having so much anxiety um just the the postpartum emotions of it all so so my husband is watching all of this and and I'm watching him become a new dad again so it's it's always about evolving and showing up for each other in the new way that this person needs to be loved because that love language has probably changed over the years and because of the circumstances so figuring out what's the best way I can support my husband now what's the in he him what's the best way I can support Faith now and doing that for each other and how are you with all of that Dynamic which I think is beautiful how are you making sure also you don't Lose Yourself yeah in in the midst of it yeah um like all the work you've done when you were single right going kind of full circle of where we started where you've done all the internal work who do I want to be who do I want to show up to be um and now in a busy life you know a season of a very busy life how are you making sure that you don't give yourself because again I hear so many women and I'd love to hear your thoughts on how many women showed up in your divorce course feeling like this where they they give themselves over to you know the family to what the family needs what the husband needs what the child needs and then you know I hear too many women say that I blinked 20 years later my kid moves out my husband's left me and now I don't know who I am anymore wow you know my husband has been really good about not only telling me to take some time for myself but making that possible with the support that we have and also with him being a very Hands-On dad so I've been able to go and take some time if I need to go to the the spa and just relax whatever it is that I need to do to relax or taking some time off I'm a morning person so I'm usually the first person who gets up and gets Skyler but those and you know because my husband works in the entertainment field so he's more of the the night person but his I think service and his compromise is those mornings where he say says sleep and I sleep and then he wakes up and just knowing that your partner is showing up for you in ways that are sacrificial um in various aspects is is helpful and it allows me to continue to grow continue to build I'm still working I'm still filming I'm still doing things that I love my daughter has come onset with me already and I always want her to see her mom doing things that she loves to do I want that to be a part of Skylar's life growing up seeing me in a role where I am fulfilled not just as her parent but as a human being um in your relationship or other relationships that you've seen um how have or how do you think through and decipher whether a relationship is worth um fighting for and it is just like a bump in the road and it's just a friction that you guys maybe have or oh this is a moment that going back to something we said earlier like this is the moment where I need to leave and not live the next 5 to 10 years in a relationship that doesn't uh make me happy one key sign that I've witnessed in a lot of their relationships I observed in court when people start making a decision that is not best for the team but only for their individual self and that is how they are choosing to now go forward in the relationship because even when you have an argument even when you have conflict the best way to resolve it is to do what's right for the team because you're operating now as a a a team in this relationship and in this marriage when someone decides to start making decisions solely based on their individual needs wants and desires that's when usually it's the beginning of the end and that's something to identify in your PA and your S I assume cuz I the people automatically do that not realizing it because you know um the analogy is like dust settling right like so you get a bit of dust it's not a big deal I'll clean it later get another bit of dust a couple of days go by and now the dust like ACC accumulates accumulates and now it's so freaking hard to get off and it's just like in there and in deep um how much of that like becomes a a small stepping stone towards it because I do Wonder in that scenario if it happens overnight or if you start to notice it oh hang on a minute that wasn't in service of us that was in service of the IND individual often it's the pattern that starts to develop and and it's over time and uh and then like you talk about people having that breaking point at some point something happens and it's like okay enough is enough because it's never an easy decision when you have invested time and energy and building um a a life with with someone but um the mistake I see people make is they choose their history over their Destiny because they've had a past and they've had good times in the past that's what they're counting on and that's what they're leaning on when clearly things have changed and and people are going in different directions and it and it does happen because I worked in seeing divorces and I saw my own parents divorce I never thought that divorce meant that they somehow lost their capacity to love again or you know people need to get out of this notion if I get divorced I'm I'm damaged good somehow I'm less than somehow I am not as worthy sometimes going in a new direction is the best thing for you because you're now not starting from scratch you're starting from experience you have now an experience experience that you can build from and that you can make better decisions in your life from and sometimes it just happens life happens and you have to do that yeah I think that that's a beautiful Way To Think through it it's it makes you more powerful more stronger versus the opposite um and so I I'm always thinking through that empowerment mindset um Faith this has been so freaking amazing I absolutely adore you all of the work you're doing where can people find you and this amazing Workshop that you're putting together thank you so much Lisa it's always so good to be here and be back so I created the a course just a course six steps that I think if you master these things it helps take you from single to soulmate just based on other people's success stories what's what's worked and how you can avoid certain pitfalls and roadblocks and it's just called sis don't settle the six lessons that take you from single to soulmate so I have that and the book and you can find me on all my social media Faith Jenkins keep watching to learn exactly how to come back from a bad breakup stand up for yourself and set boundaries one of the things that has taught me the most in my life is my Tom like listening to your your podcast about like your dad not accepting your Tom I was like wait I know that exact story my dad also doesn't yeah um and we're still in process so I'll be mindful of how I share this story but cuz I want to respect my parents in their process and I also cannot any longer silence my love for Tom and our relationship I actually felt very we've been together four years and if people were to look at my socials I'm just really starting to lean in because I was navigating so many different opinions All Around Me from Tom to my my family mostly like the my family and um I couldn't hear my voice anymore and so recently I just was like I need I need everyone to just give me space to figure out what I want and on what terms and when I say that it's about how do I want my family to now meet my partner after four years of not meeting him what are the Dynamics what are the questions that I'm going to be okay with them asking him like I'm protective of Tom I'm prot I'm protective of this beautiful relationship we have and I I I so I'm trying to figure out those Dynamics and I actually went on tour with Abby wach and Glenn and Doyle on the Together live tour and I had fallen in love with Tom as Abby and Glennon were really pronouncing their love for each other in public and so they were really encouraging to me about really just leaning into my heart and following that um but falling in love with Tom and then having my family not be able to fully accept him and they're getting ready to open the doors of talking to him and so I'm trying to understand what I want so that'll be a whole journey for me is like what are my boundaries but this process has taught me like to completely choose me in my path at the cost of disappointing my mom my dad my whole like family and even maybe being judged or from the outside like the you know even accepting maybe they talk about our relationship outside of me knowing and maybe not talking about it well like that's heartbreaking but also so strengthening what do you mean by that how's that strengthening so it's strengthening because I have to live with that and I still have to find joy every day I still got to write my songs still got to run my business but to be able to walk forwards and to do this crazy thing of trying to love them regardless and accept them and be okay okay with it and love act actively love through action um ritual and showing up anyway when they don't accept all of me and I don't recommend this for everyone cuz I know there's some people who've told me like they're like my presence is a gift I'm cutting it out if they can't accept I also am navigating cultural lines that I'm not sure I'm like is this my culture that is making this really hard or is this just my family I don't know and so the only way I or both the only way can figure out is actually engaging and showing up which takes more calories takes more time and energy but I find it worth it for me to look into it and so I'm all working with my therapist on how much do I go there and give and and um how much do I protect and so it's like this constant dance and it's like the music industry you never really know where you stand and it's kind of like stressful and but also wonderful and filled with emotion and richness and so I just I guess I'm used to doing this like dance a bit and that's why I think my practice with joy and my friendships are so deep is because I know what it feels like to have conditional acceptance like what you're talking about like what if your marriage like what if you you two weren't financially successful like what would that look like like and so I approach my friendships with this unconditional love that I hungered for and hunger for but I get it from my friends now my chosen family and I get it with Cal like really practicing that I feel like not not receiving that acceptance has given me the gift of compassion um cuz I can see it when other people don't have it I want them to be seen and heard and can you accept it now because you built so much confidence within yourself over time because I could imagine if you don't feel good about yourself you you have like tremendous insecurity doing what you just said would be almost like crippling if somebody rejects you I think that's a really really good point you brought up I'm glad you brought it up because that is like a key point my confidence I think my confidence built through my relationship with my art my music songwriting is like a direct like thermometer of my Wellness like when I'm really well and in my life in my float my music becomes pretty clear like in my relationship with how often I sit down to write how often I'm um working on my craft like like I I view songwriting like a devot it's almost like a daily prayer that I I go to um and because I've developed such a tight relationship my songw writing is my homie um because because I've developed such a strong homey relationship with my art I have faith in myself that I can take care of me so I didn't have that faith in myself before but then through this creative process I've developed it so I think we canite write ourselves into existence like if we don't see it here we can write it down we can write the idea like you're writing stories right you're writing these beautiful stories into existence and it it affects reality I love that and it becomes this like almost like reinforcing Loop so it's like you do the hard thing oh I did the hard thing you get into another situation maybe you don't believe in yourself but you remind yourself that you did the hard thing and now it becomes easier and there's one story actually that I've heard of yours that I'd love for you to talk about which I was thinking about how much you go back to this story as the thing because so many of us has this have this so like the impostor syndrome of feeling like oh you don't belong I you know am I good enough should I really be here and I believe you're doing this recording session with like this incredible artist and you have like other impostor syndrome and you make an excuse to go to the toilet the toilet is a is a sacred place where we go dud I'm you a th% I even literally J no joke I actually say to people if you're in a situation where you're going to either feel embarrassed or overwhelmed or frustrated or lash out go to the toilet and I don't encourage people to lie except for this moment and I'm if you have to say you've got an upset stomach and you have to run to the toilet just to get out of that Bloody situation freaking lie but I'm with you the toilet is like the sanctuary sorry it really is and it's kind of symbolic right cuz it's all the things like we want to we want to like hide it's kind of like uh but it's actually where the truth is you know the truthest truth um um yeah so um I was I'll say the producer's name his Raphael sadik I was in his studio and I've looked up to him I've loved his music for years and I I was just so nervous and I was like I need to use the restroom and I went into the restroom and I my heart was racing I was like oh my gosh Connie stop like you've been like doing this professionally for years now like he's just a guy that's also very talented and like very established and also like made some of my favorite songs and so I was like okay you got to create something to trick your brain so then I started singing to myself I belong I belong here and it ended up becoming like a whole song um uh that I ended up using to kind of like empower the aapi community during that really intense period of violence against our community um um but yeah in in that bathroom I was able to remind myself oh I can trick my brain with these mantras mantras work like a charm for me like they really help me um like lately i' I've been telling myself so the um in addition to the I'm no longer chasing I'm attracting the other Mantra I have right now is I am Sovereign and I am safe because even years after being in an abusive relationship I still have high anxiety and sometimes like everything will be fine like the house house is fine the weather's beautiful outside I paid my rent paid my bills like I have a boyfriend like I'm so happy like but I still have this anxiety and it's like almost this Echo from the past and so I have to tell myself I am Sovereign and I am safe and I have to remind myself I have to do it every day because that anxiety comes up all the time are you finding it actually more now now that you have oh I'm paying the bills oh I have a good relationship oh I have like do you always find it like more mhm yes do you relate to like yeah I think it becomes the like everything feels so beautiful now and you don't want to lose it and the thing that actually helped me I don't know if you've heard the quote this to shall pass the darst quote I love that so much and I used to always use it whenever I was down right don't worry Lisa this to Shall Pass now I start using it for the great as well because I think as humans we hit these amazing moments and then for some reason we convince ourselves that that should be our base Lev level and so now our highest moments become our base well there's only there's nowhere to go but down so what I remind myself in moments of beauty I'm like this too shall pass and that isn't to bum me out it's to actually just make sure I enjoy the moment because life is ups and downs by definition so is going to hit the fan it's not about if it's about when mhm so 100% agree like um Brooke Castillo is like this amazing um life coach and she says if if you are going to pursue your dreams you have to 100% accept that you are going to feel shame you are going to feel like if you want to dodge it you're not going to pierce through like you have to accept that that's going to be a thing that's okay once I accept that it's easier that's exactly what the I think the this two Shall Pass does to me it's just the acceptance of that it's not always going to be like this why do you think it will be you know and now when something happens it's not like that see I knew this was too good to be true and it's like people say that a lot and I just think enjoy each moment for what it is because life is about that like if we can just accept it and just CU otherwise you're just going to die trying it's just going to be exhausting to try and battle or to hold on to what you think is like the Pinnacle of your life well said I really love how you flip that I'm going to use that actually cuz I'm I'm reaching some really special moments in my career and I'm going to hold this toua pass because and and as a beautiful thing yeah thank you it's a good tool so what are you doing right now when you have that anxiety I do um so there's something called Energy Medicine which is like tapping oh tapping yeah I love tapping cuz I'm such a physical human um and I real I used to think I wasn't because of my abuse I thought I was just a floating head but I was like oh my God my body's really loud I I'm really grateful my body gives me a lot of information so I do a lot of tapping um and I do breath work breath work is really like just even just breathing deep for 30 minutes like guided online just finding something that's that's pretty economical there's like a lot of great breath work teachers and stuff um but also just walking outside just feeling the wind on my skin cuz we're indoors so much that like sometimes when I go outside I feel the wind on my skin I'm like okay I'm alive and looking up at the sky literally just simple simple acts like that just bring me all the way back so that I can um re-engage and I really like using heat uh workouts to energize myself so like you know that 2 p.m slump like I'll do 10 push-ups in the studio and I'm like kind of back um so it really helps me I like I like utilizing gravity and my body weight to like Leverage the energy that I need cuz it's all there at our fingertips we think we're tired and we should just rest but actually when we're tired sometimes if we do some jumping jacks it just like immediately like re-energizes us so that helps me to stay really grounded through all the ups and downs of the career and coming from someone where you just said like you start that sentence with like I used to be completely numb from the head down or like a floating head and then be able to talk about like the wind on your skin like that's so freaking beautiful and I really hope people notice that one sentence you just said of how like it just shows and encompasses your Evolution um because that's what like I'm going to go back to like when someone can just believe right that's the first step just believe that where they are now won't dictate the rest of their life and so to hear you talk in one sentence to go from I was a floating head and now I can feel wind on my skin it's such an amazing that's true yeah thanks for pointing that out I think like it all started for me with a like audacious question like do I deserve more question mark you know like is this all is this it like me just getting in my own way and just thinking I don't deserve things or could I think otherwise because I would have well-meaning teachers be like what is your biggest Vision in life I'd be like I can't even think big because I I'm struggling with my imagination because I don't feel like I deserve it so then the question is like do I deserve more and that's a question and I've always told I've always loved questions I think questions are the key to a more interesting life like the more we shape our questions like we can open Crazy doors crazy conversations like oh so what if someone asks themselves do I deserve more but they answer it no oh then my heart breaks my heart breaks like would you re re askk a question like would you repeat a different question to get to a yes yes I think that's really wise um like for example there's this woman she said yeah it's like simplifying the questions like um um like she this is like a different thing but she was basically like okay I can't say that I love my body right now but I can say I have a body you know starting there like Ground Zero you know um but for a question if it's like do I deserve more maybe it could be like do I feel do I feel a restlessness right now do I feel this energy in me that's like I I need to find an outlet maybe it's that you know maybe it's about what is right now instead of what could be what could be feels like a little later in the game if we're still healing now you know all right well how do you then have build your belief system like you have right where you were young you like I want to sing I'm going to do this you get a record deal with Atlantic rest cords it's like I believe you're the first Asian is that correct one of the first there's a there's a collection of them I actually don't know I don't know you're one of the very which is just freaking amazing and then during your career you decide to leave talk to me about that way you have a belief you fight through you push through your family the non-believers you go hard you practice you practice you get up every day to be to be the best the dream comes true and then you realize maybe down the line oh this doesn't fit or align with who I am now how the hell do you make that pivot because so many people because they've told themselves that story you're going to get the record deal you're going to get the record deal they'll stay in that record deal for 10 20 years miserable but they'll stay there because they believe system told them well hang on a minute you've battled your family you can't turn around and change now I felt like I was constantly like taking myself hostage I I I'll explain I signed the deal then my brain takes myself hostage like oh you can't lose this deal don't lose this deal don't lose this deal like you don't want to be an artist has has to leave the deal and so and then um I would go and accomplish another thing and then my brain would take me hostage in another way it's like well you got to do it again you got to do something great cuz you're going to be a one hit wonder but what and I was like I was like I don't like operating in this way cuz people would say like are you doing things out of fear or are you doing things out of like love and intention and vision I was like it's definitely fear I'm holding myself hostage and I was like I want to free myself that was one thing is like I need to I need to face the thing that I'm running from so that I can actually focus on what matters because if I'm spending all this time being scared that I'm going to lose this de like it's going to just I'm going to create a situation that way and what I realize is like in order to keep this deal I need to be able to communicate with authority with confidence and with Clarity on what I need and what I want and at that point in my life I knew I didn't have the tools yet and so I had to leave and feel the feel that feel the risk of that because I I do really well when I'm when I'm like when there's risk when there's like I I just do well with like high stake situations um and so I I kind of was like I'm going to let myself feel this loss and and and mourn and grieve this dream I used to have this is this is me going to my teenager self and being like you thought this was the way but it's not and that's okay and I for and that's okay we're just going to find a new way and it's going to be even better because I realized my personality my interest didn't fit into what the company needed and I also didn't have the tools to maneuver it so I had to leave or else I was going to disappear and as a creative it sounds like you were being originally then driven by the fear right you were moving like you were moving away from Fear every time to try and get something better and so you fear was chasing you but now it seems like you're chasing creativity attracting attracting exactly oh yeah you're right chasing attra attracting yes yeah and I think I think because I went viral that there's a psychology that happens when when I enter into the market and they know I've gotten something viral they want to chase that moment so a lot of chasing came into my Consciousness cuz I was on the street it went viral I'm just experiencing it and then a company was like we got to we got to leverage this moment right and so then chasing became part of it and I remember thinking a couple times I was like is this right like do we need to be chasing you know but then it became this thing that just it was a beast bigger than me you know I'm just the I feel like record labels are like a big beautiful machine and then there's an artist the artist is the microchip you put the microchip with the vision the ideas the songs and then it can make the robot move but I needed more time to work on my microchip does that makes sense and there's some artists who like already have their microt triip ready and they're just like and they're just like they do well like lizo is doing so beautifully with with that partnership and I I don't know everything behind the scenes of course but there are some artists who are just ready for that and I knew I wasn't and I had to leave to figure it out and so now my priority is my relationship with my art and my music and learning how to communicate my voice is my everything like this I was put on this Earth to honor my voice and if I don't know how yet still to tell a producer I don't like those beats I want to change it to this drum pattern that's my priority you know what I mean that's what is value valuable to me and I I I got into situations when I was in the system where I would even like I haven't really shared this publicly but I would I was in um the studio with a really really well-known producer and I was pretty intimidated we made great stuff together but I was also really uncomfortable so I would drink like so much whiskey I would bring handles of whiskey and drink half of it each time cuz I was numbing myself of the discom Comfort being in this fancy place and and then me not being able to produce cuz I'm a producer and me being the artist and just sitting and watching someone else control my music it was really tortuous so if you were to do that again now what would you do I would if I were to do it again I love that question because it's because I'm ready to answer it maybe like last month I'm like I don't know but now I would I would take the song we wrote I would ask for all the files I would produce it out myself and I would come back with my laptop and be like okay can you help me make this better because I need it I need my hands in the music it's easier for me to work on the music CU I know how to than to talk about it and tell someone how to do it but I'm learning to do both because I want to be Adept and that's part of using my voice too but yeah like as you were talking I was thinking that that would be you'd have to a be willing to let go of things and not always always have to be in control cuz I assume as a producer that's basically the person in control right and so now handing it over and trusting somebody else can be very hard especially if you've gone through so much to be there right and it's like now you're putting your trust in essence in somebody else and if you have trust issues now that probably compiles it which you know no surprise and then the other side of it is is trusting that you actually can do it and trusting in yourself that creativity that you can walk away you can do it on your own and you can come back and make demands beautiful demands but still make demands is huge huge huge so past me walked into studio and just read the environment because this is also a survival skill of being in an abusive relationship walk into the room scan the environment what do you need to become to make peace with the whole situation so now walk into the studio State what I need and what is going to help me flourish so so that everyone wins it saves everybody time it's more fun I'm more engaged um so metamorphosis that song I just released a song called metamorph says thank you and so that I had other producers work on and my hands weren't on it I was like I can't do what I did at Atlantic so I rented out a studio I produced it myself and then brought it to one of my friends who helped me like just just tie everything up and I was like this is this is a really cool process every song's going to be different so there's no right answer but it's it's the act of what I said before is walk into the room and stay and and share what I need and if I'm not getting what I need ask for it and trust that it could come because that's what I think also gets lost in being a Survivor is that we lose the trust that what we need can arrive and then you listen to other people yeah and we we even lose the faith of even asking people because we don't think it's going to come so how how have you then because obviously we've spoken about how you've worked through your mindset but what about in those moments where let's say you have asked for help you have reached out to somebody now as an adult and you get rejection how do you handle that and not make it about you oh yeah um I think I've had the gift of being because of the experience that I had with quiet and getting to a place where I got so busy people would ask me stuff for me to do stuff and I would like lose track or something and so I'd ask them please like message me until like you hear from me if I don't reply I so apologize I'm just like I'm barely keeping up so I kind of hold that example in my head if I don't hear back from someone I I I'm really working on giving people the benefit of the doubt that's what me and my team are doing in our business we're like everybody makes mistakes let's give each other the benefit of the doubt let's just like assume the best out of people and and not write these stories cuz we're very creative people we like to write scenarios and I've done many a scenario I've written many a scenario that isn't true oh God how many of us have so what's interesting is I used to do that all the time and then I realized I'm actually missing a piece I'm doing it to self sooth my ego because being rejected or getting a not stings and so I kept saying well you don't know don't make up a story Lisa it's not about you but then I realized oh actually sometimes it is about me and I'm I think putting on blinders by pretending it's not always about not always me if you're not me so for instance I reached out to a guest once she's a good friend of mine now so I can say Maria manuno the E host so she I used to be obsessed with her she was Greek she lived in America like that was the thing and I heard she was doing interviews and so I reached my team reached out and she said no and so in that moment I I was like oh it's not about you and I was like hang on a minute what if it is about me why do I deserve a yes maybe I'm not good enough yet I love this and I was like there's a healthy thought and there's an unhealthy thought right the unhealthy thought um if I told myself that and I was insecure I think that would have been unhealthy for me but I'm actually quite secure now in just having developed so many years of skills and how do I show up to be you know in my own to really feel worthy um and so in that moment I was like but why do I deserve a yes if I haven't put in the Reps if Oprah reached out to Maria do you think Maria would have said yes or no Maria probably would have said yes so it is about me M okay yes let's talk about that so I totally love that and I agree actually I love how you frame that that's so brilliant cuz the way you frame things is so simp like you you make it really easy for people to understand what you're saying but it's actually a pretty sophisticated practice in life is to be able to be like okay where's my responsibility in this for example like this documentary I talk about my experience with a label it's really easy to vilify a label right the big Corporation but actually I had a lot of responsibilities within it myself what can I work on you know and I'm always looking at that too like for example yeah it's like if I want to work with an artist I really admire why would they say yes like what what am I bringing to the table to like help add to the magic I love that so much and also how do because I'm always trying to what thought helps me Propel me forward right because like does this thought serve me yes or no like that's kind of how I've now think about things because it's an easier way for me to stop thinking badly about myself because every time that negative thought comes up you're not good enough okay well Lisa does this thought serve what you're trying to do or not serve you doesn't serve you great let's get rid of it let's replace it with a thought that does serve you maybe you're not good enough yet so now one of my favorite quotes of all time was Steve Martin the comedian of all people be so good they can't ignore you yeah and so now if I live in that Mantra you said you love mantras I go cool I'm just going to be so good that Maria won't be able to ignore me and so for a year I was like met metaphorically you know karate kid waxing off you know wax on wax off I was practicing and so a year later to cut a very long story short I was on her podcast she was on mine and now we're really good friends that's so cool but now here's a little twist to the story actually to your point about the story We Tell ourselves it turned out in like an evening where I'm telling her do you know you actually said no to me the first time she was like what we figured out that her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and she was diagnosed with a brain t all at the same time and then I reach out and ask if she wants to come on my show so the truth was she told us team to say no to people so she didn't even realize I'd reached out but now going to if I told What story did I tell myself when she said no so that's also it goes to show it's like we are what we believe right because you didn't decide like oh well I I don't want to interview her anyway you had the attitude of like how can I be better for her yeah you know even though like that wasn't even the story but then you you gained all these skills so it's really cool how our mindset can dictate the quality of Our Lives cuz now you have new skills and your friends with her and it's it's yeah the self-esteem part is such a huge moment of like when you get rejected when something pushes back whether it's a partner or whether it's a boss or a record label or a friend like no matter that situation how do you respond to it and when I look at your life when I look at your career when I look at how you show up every day it's the fact that you just keep going like in all honesty right and when I think about what is the difference between people that are you know at your level that can comfortably now talk about your partner with such a smile on your face talk about your career talk about your family and knowing where you've come from it's that it's the fact that you have gotten up every time you have fallen to your knees thanks for reflecting that back to me yeah yeah it's it's like at this point the friends who I've known for a long time like I work with on my team I work with someone who I've known since 2008 I like keeping like long just just good relationships and we joke we like we're still here yeah you know there's like we're at that point in our career where we can see each other like oh you're still here nice you know it's it's an accomplishment to continue to show up with it that's just enough of an act you know and I've heard you actually say when you feel overwhelmed you do something like you ask yourself where are my feet mhm like I talk to me about that that's super powerful it's um learning it's it's just I feel like the mind is such a powerful machine um I think as a leader the mind sometimes can lead us astray because it is so creative and creates scenarios that aren't real but the body is like a truth teller the body's just right here and so it keeps me really grounded and like helps me Zoom back in cuz when I tend to overthink it feels like I'm doing a big zoom out and things can feel very overwhelming so I zoom back in I tend to try to ask myself like do I need a zoom in or do I need a zoom out right that's what literally I was going to ask you when do you know the difference it's like when I'm a little too uh precious about my life I'm a little too worried about a detail uh my career or a personal relationship it's like let me zoom out for a second it's like oh there's people who are like struggling to pay their rent there are people who are really like navigating terminal illnesses like I have it really I have it really good right now and then sometimes when the news and all stuff overwhelms me it's like zoom in to my feet where's my body I'm right here um and I can do something to like give my body a little bit of rest like I have control over this that the big world I don't have control over you know how much do you practice gratitude then oh my gosh it's so funny you bring bring that up the two words that I'm really really surrounding myself with a lot too is gratitude and awe like I want to be like okay every time my Bluetooth works I'm like that's amazing that's amazing or like every time like my wireless printer works I'm like she obeyed she obeyed it's so cool like I tried to just surround myself cuz I remember being a kid watching like you know adults being like yeah like I was like this is all amazing you all understand this right like this is mindblowing and so it keeps me it keeps me just really engaged and grateful and so regardless of what happens like say we release this documentary I release new music regardless I'm trying to get in the practice of like gratitude gratitude um cuz I spent my 20s being like really eager to prove my worth and prove my decision to my parents like this is I did this I did this see like I succeeded this shiny thing um and now I'm like I don't know if that's really like contributing to the love in the universe like so gratitude and awe I like to walk around with that and it it just like gratitude snaps me right back in if I'm like you know like if I'm frustrated with something was like okay list three three people who have been great to you and I'm like oh well okay fine I'm pretty blessed no more complaints you know I love the word or click here right now to learn the number one sign a man is actually truly serious about you I want to warn the women all right so that they can understand what's going on here today on women of impact relationship expert Stefan speaks exposes The Naked Truth

Channel: Lisa Bilyeu

Views: 95,349

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration

Id: dD4XMYPsY04

Length: 121min 34sec (7294 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 08 2023