Why in such a hurry? Home to dinner. TV later Which do you prefer- TV or woman? TV of course Which do you prefer, sir - money or TV? Look, I've won so much money So that I'll buy a bigger TV set Which TV station do you watch, sir? He's mute, Mars Channel of course Ladies & gentlemen, Mak and you Ladies gentlemen,
Mars Channel's Mars Night again The comperes are... Myself Mak Hsiao Li What did you say? Hsiao Li Say that again Hsiao Li Four-letter words! I'll give you hell Sorry, Mak Mak, any nice dishes to show us tonight? Tonight's dish is meant for people like Hsiao Li It's Potroast Homo Now look? These flourmen, all of them? No, we must choose This Why All lying down get paid Isn't he an idiot to have remained standing A stupid man is best to roast But someone's more stupid Who's it? He's eaten the plastic banana, plus insecticide Isn't that stupid? Flatten it, them fry it on the pan No, get me the can in the centre Which one? Open it and have a look first Now you know what it is? It's tricky Smell if the flour is okay It's dry, it won't splash Now you know "tricky" and "dirty" Tricky gets one wet Dirty is to slap him Here's another important step That is "pass the buck" Then blame it on George Very good then Now we're coming to the end of this program The next is a program compered by Master Lin and Prof Tseng The happy Dictionary Louder! Happy Dictionary Today I Prof Tseng and Master Lin Will introduce some new,
but not too difficult words They'll be interpreted in a new manner Today's word is ... See Formerly "I see" means I know Now "I see-K" means ... I'm ill So an indisposition is called A see-sta When you look and looked It's a see-saw When there's a will One works ceaselessly And the proverb says See no evil Hands off, don't touch me! What?
A slap for you What's a car set against a court reporter? A cassette recorder of course Don't touch me See if you can answer, you're smart if you do Take your time, it's not too long When Prince Charming meets the Samurai And give a big wedding party Complete with opera and roast pig But feel sick and tired What is the word? What are you driving at? No on has ever been able to answer this Since I invented the Happy Dictionary Listen: Covet not a gold-threaded robe,
cherish youthful days Gather a flower in the bud before it's too late How did you manage to answer
such a profound question? I merely guessed Ladies & gentlemen, see you next week Guessed? I give up Let me ask you another question
How do you interpret "Lee Teng-hut's ill"? Sickly You really are too smart. Tow fists Please sign it, general manager General manager General manager Good news, general manager Come right out with it, Apple Polisher Our station has made seven-league strides Under your able management A latest survey shows Our Mars Channel has crashed Earth Channel Our viewing rate has rocketed like a rocket It's gone up to 100% Still not satisfied? See for yourself Do you live on shit? Sorry Can't you apple-polish properly? Splendid, 100% Mars crashes Earth and shatters it Splendid! Don't be complacent, make it 1110% next time Mars Channel, you're OK.
The whole world watches your programs And this results in a plunge
in Earth Channel's viewing rate I must plunge myself of the ground to See if there's going to
be any improvement in viewing Beat Mars Channel Daddy Miss Not so fast Nego ... tiations ... Ex... Pert Say it fast The expert can't talk him down from the roof Come with me quickly The situation is now terrible. We ... Boss Li, come down first The whole Choi Hung Estate
will view your programs Keep away, I must jump! I won't come over, I promise Make way Daddy May, when did you come back? Just arrived from the airport. Come here Let's talk everything over We can't solve anything if I come down Jumping down is the only solution That'll only benefit Mars Channel which is
telecasting the scene alive Tell Mars Channel to eat shit! I'll jump to crush them and perish with them Don't, don't! Don't, don't! Dad, I know you're strong-willed None can change you decision Don't you know I'm waiting for you? Dad, you really have a great courage But before you leap, listen Dad, this water-melon tells the story of your jump I won't jump any more Dad Darling Dad Boss Li, a call for you Who's it from? No idea, to pay you regards, I think Boss Li Boss Li, you're still alive? Our film crew had to work O.T. because of you They're now giving a celebration party You know for what? Our viewing rate has now reached 100% You ... Don't you want 100% viewing too? How? Telecast our programs everyday and it'll work You ... Dad's in trouble. Lend a hand Dad He was admitted to hospital
for nervous breakdown The Earth Channel's survival hinges on you This file contains Mars Channel's
secret cocuments Its code name is When Secure,
Watch Out for Dangers Inspite of the ever-rising viewing rate Mars TV still tries to conquer all Everybody aspires to be all-conquering We haven't tried to turn the tide
Least to say winning them all The spirit is good, but they're inviting trouble Four persons in this file can help save Earth TV Senior Mars levels know of these people too But didn't hire them due to Man-made errors in policy Why? The department heads are biased against them These 4 persons are still uncommitted They are about to be on the starvation line The four really can save our Earth TV? There they are The four are the aces we need With them, we can win over Mars TV I'll take you to one of the cases Thank you I love you, good morning, auntie What can I do for you? What did you say? I'm an apprentice cashier here.
Why are you here? To change money Change money? Hurry up, bastard, I'm in a hurry What currency?
100.00 100 for 500 500 for 100 100, 200, 300, 400, that's all. 500 1234554321 500,100 right. Leave behind a record OK Count once more. 100,200,300,400,500 Thank you
How boring Auntie, I'm an apprentice here.
I may get fired if I don't do well You'll be fired for sure Damn ... Damn you! What are you doing? It's a hold up! Say it over here A hold up Robbery? Calm down Go to the next window. I'm only an apprentice Me, too What now? Get out all the money Fill this up first What I'm not withdrawing money No, without even a note I may be accused of conspiracy OK,0K Write "robbery" on the back Have you done it? How's it spelt? Show me You can't even spell that? Robbery Robbery! Please write one in your own handwriting What if the police should see it? Please flush it in the toilet What are you up to again? You haven't written down the amount If I give you all the money My female colleague may call me chicken 1-6-digit. $100,000? Yes Please point your gun at me So the closed circuit television may record it I have no gun You can't get $100,000 without a gun Make it $10,000 Enough? Okay, since I have no gun You're OK, you're flexible Sorry, there's only $2,000 in my drawer Let's get the Manager to
open the vault to get the gems I don't want gems $2,000 is okay. Show me $2,000 only? Okay, come in Well, don't rob any more Let me give you $2,000 out of my own pocket That won't work Yes, to make you leave and to secure my job And I don't have to lose face to the girls I'm reconciled to it. Please take it No, that's unfair, we're both apprentices What do you want of me? That man you want is in Counter 5 Don't move, robbery! Halt, everybody! Move, and I'll shoot him dead! Give me all your money Are you sure, apprentice robber? You rob without a gun and you can't read? Doing a big job with mere fingers. Scram! Great! Really great You're unfit for a robber It unwise to rob without a gun Are you all right? With me here you've no worries He's that brother at No.5 counter What's his name? Little brother, what's your name? Lemon Tsung Your skin's okay Her figure's OK too God's fair. A girl with a shapely figure Usually has some defect in looks No, some girls are beautiful in figure and looks A call for you Mak, Apple Polisher reporting Speak up Earth Channel has fallen into our trap They hired those 4 inexperienced TV personalities Their station will close sooner or later Very good Give them a chance Great Superb
See who'll enter the elevator first? Up or down? Either Bye As of today, you're all colleagues Wu Kuo-tien Hu Wei As in who will? Liao Hsiung With such a name. See a doctor What's your name? <i>Mao Ni-toy, it sounds outstanding</i> The performance should be outstanding,
not the name Let's visit the station before
going to see the president This is the core studio of earth TV Why's the core so quiet? Seems to have stopped Isn't it finished? Our artistes have juined Mars TV He's our only star Why not converting the TV station Into a home for the Aged for more revenue? Archers, shoot! Come on Shoot! Can you put life into these old men? Yes Pack up, everybody Where's that man? What's it? You know what is:
"make something out of nothing"? Why is there no prize for this game show? If some one should bump into the right answer Where am I to get prizes? To kill myself with the TV station boss? We ask questions Questions? Hard questions maybe How high is the mountain on the moon? The relationship between
Superman and Lone Ranger? If you were I, who am I? Come on If you were I, I should be him If I were he, he's another me I'm you, and that means you're another you So if you were you, who am I? If you were you, "who am I
has nothing to do with you A superman, you even got answer Superman, you want to join us? No Of course not. It's finished here I wore this suit when I was only 104 lbs Now I'm 180 lbs in weight and still wear it. Look The sleeves were cut Two days ago they were still tied with a rope I've brought this myself I can't go on with this TV station Brother Any questions? No But there's an answer What answer?
I'm quitting Crazy, you can't joke on this
Well Any questions? This is our beautiful helmsman
and great Executive President Miss May Li Nave you decided to fight
shoulder to shoulder with me? Yes It's full of vigor, vitality and sunshine here I feel proud to be able to work here I didn't know until now that The work could be so sacred and supreme I'm ready to dedicate myself to this job Inconceivable. 3 years ago I used the toilet here I didn't feel anything then Now the ideals I pursue happen to be here I feel I wasted 3 years of my youth In the toilet I swear I must get back those years In a word, once! Join here I'll work hard till I'm worn out? And till I die We must recapture Earth TV's lost ground To put a TV station on the right footing Sleeping under the same roof
to plan gimmicks is best Don't you mind coming to my home? Sit down. I'm going to change OK Would she change to pyjamas? No, she won't because she only said 'change' A logical analysis. What do you say? Peep through the keyhole Or climb through the window My amah's off.
Go get your drinks from the kitchen Thank you Coke Watch out! Wow! What's wrong? Why so many videocassettes? Wow! What's it now? You did that many times? Yes You're lucky! I don't understand what you mean Never mind. Run the tapes. Ready You're now watching Mars Channel Mak and you with the highest viewing rate Wow, it's so big, how can I see it on TV? I have farsight. I must keep far away Wow, a blockbuster! Of course, they've financed it heavily Yes What are you doing? Never mind. I was born slant-eyed I'm watching TV though I seem to look at you Superb. How are we to cope? What a headache Any ideas? Don't just scratch your head.
Think of something new Right, let's all come up with some new gimmicks Would your idea work? Of course, it was my idea I checked her file at the Personnel Dept She has 2000-degree myopia She can't see anything when taking
a bath without her glasses I've decided to play a shower I'll play a towel rack I'll play a stool You'll gain by playing toilet paper Don't be silly I must jockey for position. Stop joking What are you going to play? I'll play a soap plate What if she should touch your head? Let her take my head for soap I'll stand to lose. She'll use the towel last I'm smart. She needs the towel
before taking a bath It's been a long time. Why aren't you going out? Is everything all right? Anything happens? What have you in mind? Nothing I thought you had 2,000-degree myopia Yes How can you possibly see us? Don't you know there's contact lens? Don't you take it off before taking a bath? Yes, but 0 haven't started yet Any better ideas? Can't you think for yourself/ Each man for himself Each man for himself Each man for himself What are you doing? We happen to have the same gimmick You're a copy-cat I am not, only a coincidence What do you mean? Why are you coming from above? Look A young and pretty sleepwalker. What a pity Bad, it's ruined again It's dirty to take advantage of a sleepwalker Wish it was an apple Right The toilet gimmick was my idea You copied that sleepwalking gimmick The fridge gimmick is mine Entry from 10 yards of the fridge is now forbidden Go, go AP,P.LE Apple I'm a big apple loved by every child Guess what he's up to now? Playing an apple, that's all In the fridge Would she come back to take an apple? You know little about sleepwalking.
Get out of my sight Children often kiss my apple face Wake her up She's in sound sleep. Slap her awake Let me I won't care to do it You're good for nothing. May Let me slap her hard Why are you hitting me? Why are you hitting her? Why are you hitting her so hare? Wou won't admit it? May You were sleepwalking Me, sleepwalking?
Yes What have I done? You took all three of us Don't worry, we won't hold you responsible Never mind him. Listen It's about Wu Kuo-tien Eat the apple, eat the apple now She's taking you for a can Whisper to her that I'm not a can. Come on You're a can Not a can A can Not a can A can Why stand there like a log? I didn't know she took you for a can I give up Don't go away. She may take you for ice-cream And lick you all over Come on She's taking you for a water-melon Whisper to her that
I'm not a water-melon. Come on A water-melon Make it clear that I'm not a water-melon Not a water-melon He's a coconut. Strip off its hair Peel off the shell hair It hurts! It's coconut meat, not coconut Stab hard and drink up its juice Let me hold for you. Stab deep Don't make fun of me! Creep, you're trying to take advantage! Your turn Creep, you're trying to take advantage! Your turn Trying to play pranks? Trying to make fun of m? I mean our station is like a sportsman He needs a pair of good sports shoes So I hope you'll continue to support us By giving us more advertising But the sportsman never wins once Right, but failure is the mother to success You've already had many mothers In fact, our company is like an infant He needs all kinds of nourishment And sugar, above all You need cough drops Because Mars TV has made you cough We're like a coughing TB patient We need cough mixture that cures instantly Comrade Lo Why's our commercial not being filmed yet? Sorry, the artist haven't arrived yet. Please wait Our advertising budget is limited So we must make the most of our money No problem. Stand over there Thank you
Sorry What's wrong? Wang still not here? She just called she wouldn't film
it because it's vulgar It has to go on the air tomorrow What now?
I can't possibly twist her arm Let me help you solve this problem I don't mind its being vulgar Goodie Goodie Cough mixture. Shot 1, take 1 I'm Sister Shirley. Let me introduce
a new cough mixture It's Goodie Goodie cough drop An old man gets strong drinking it.
A child gets cute It's sweet as honey Cut, one more Smile more, come on Take 7 Take 9 Take 13 I'm Sister Shirley. A sweet drink Take 20 Good But Take I is best Sister Shirley, thanks for your help I'll return your favour And see if you can save your own TV station We did it ABC Advertising Agency
has promised to support us You've really make it? Right, but they want us
to come up with a program With new ideas and show them the videotape Splendid! I never expected such a big harvest Nor did I It really is encouraging and exciting I'm excited, really excited Enough It really is too passionate You've braced up four fragile young men again Thank you. You've brightened up our lives Why so long? Why don't you speak? Do I have to speak? Come again when you think of something proper It really is splendid The same line again? I haven't had anything in mind yet You never come up with anything new Let's get together to think of something new Together? Okay Hold it. Any of you with good gimmick I'll take out for a show, dinner
and an overnight program Overnight? Up to 2 am. Oh, God, give me a gimmick! The river goes east whose waves scavenge
the ancient Romantics Don't cast aspersions on others Newcomers succeed the
old like the stumbling waves Don't speak of yourself A smile at sea brings the two Straits near Avoid polities Eh No Eh That's too tyrannical What about democracy?
What about freedom of speech? Goon Eh .. So a small fry can be so voluble No wonder Mars TV can rock the seas A small fry has eventually died down A big Mars TV has its ups and downs too Right, no one can change the natural trends Good, let's fight a battle of sure-win Right, a battle of sure-win Comrades, let's unite Let's think of something before we get drowned Drowned? Not up to the eyebrows? Nonsense, if we do We can't think of anything then If we can't think of anything,
the water may reach our noses We mustn't wait till it reaches our eyebrows It depends When the water reaches the nose A dwarf may return to where he came To hell? I see, something nostalgic Once he forecasts sunshine The skies open up, thoroughly drenching him Mindlessly running, he steps into pools And winds up in the New Territories Once he complains there's nothing to eat Food just comes out from nowhere But when he sets the table the cat licks them all He chases the cat to no man's land Since we play together so well We are all feeling high Happiness is the best shield Deflecting all the depressants Once he finishes viewing tapes in one night And takes them to the dealer He has a fall, all tapes warped And must pay damages Once he moans of power failure But he's almost electrocuted Blackened and dirty, he walks all the way To the city of Bombay Since we play together so well We are all feeling high Happiness is the best shield Deflecting all the depressants Once he tries to learn bushido Rubber shoes, black belt, and all With a roar, he stops a mah jong game But is flattened by the ladies Right, nostalgic and yet trendy It will be well received by both
the middle-aged and the young Will done Someone else has already shot
a nostalgic program 9 times older and 10 times bigger in budget keep this for a souvenir it belongs to your friendly Mars TV They must've copies us Who'd believe the rich man
may steal from the poor? A spy! Too dirty! So our first move is know
to Mars TV before we start it Without any advertisers' support,
no banks will support us Without their support, we'll be broke When we're broke We'll eat shit! Will you pluck yourselves up? Miss Li, 3 gentlemen from Goodie Goodie
Consortium are here to see you Goodie Goodie Consortium?
Please show them in Good What? It's that mainland group Please You're ... Right, we've met before Remember that mixture commercial Yes, they're my colleagues Please be seated
Thank you Our group General Manager Mr. Shih How do you do? Miss Li, smell What have you smelt? Can't you smell it? Fart all over me The fart of that lousy Mak Yes, it stinks, Mr. Shih Listen, we had in mind a low-budget commercial For production by Mars TV We're sincere, though limited by the budget We went to beg her.
I don't mind her bloody refusal She shouldn't have shown us
her bloody expression Right Knowing you're young and energetic I'm ready to give you this chance Hope you'll pluck up your courage
and help me vent my feelings By beating that old monster Mak Right, we must beat Mak! Beat her! No problem Beat her! Goodie Goodie's coffee is good day and night Are you ready? Yes It will soon be telecast live No problem Remember what you sell? I sell curry I sell the shaving lotion I sell coffee I've now changed to a ticket scalper Be serious. They take a serious view of it Keep calm. Sun Yat-sen overthrew Manchuria John Shun rescued Chai Ling We the four wonder-makers of Earth TV Will go down if TV history too Are you so full of confidence? Yes, up to the point of explosion With the support of these uncles
for us small giants We mustn't lose faces Mak told you to ruin their program And you'll be rewarded for that OK, I'll do that The Gang pf 4 Tale Show sponsored
by Goodie Goodie begins Ladies & gentlemen, don't think
we Gang of 4 can help you We can't help you Any more than you can help us Don't switch us off, please Apart from talking with you here We Gang of 4 also talk with you on the phone This is purely a Talk Show T.B. sufferers, please don't call us Swallow your phlegm, if you've got it Remember, we don't talk about politics We meddle in politics We never talk about ethics and culture We have no ethics, no culture We hate people who discuss others' shortcomings Because we ourselves don't
care about right or wrong No ethics, no politics, no culture and n9 gossip? What do you expect from us Gang of 4? We can talk about No. 5 a bachelor's life Right It's for you What can I do for you? Why talk about the life of a bachelor of all men in the world? Because No. 1 is married And No. 2 is divorced And No. 3 got married and divorced No. 4 is gay and we hate to blow the lid Now, a bachelor's life Is a rosy life He doesn't drink water He drinks X.O. when he's got feminine companion He drinks coffee when alone Satisfied? Right, right you are. You're smart Goodie Goodie's coffee is a bachelor's darling My cup of coffee Goodie Goodie's coffee is kicks It can be drunk or spitted It follows the current when drunk or spitted It's first class Something wrong What? Gang of 4, what have you to say? And difference between a married man
and a bachelor? A married man doesn't care to groom himself A bachelor is fastidious about deportment He brushes his teeth and shaves early
in the morning I'll go shaving Use Goodie Goodie shaving lotion to shave It's foamy It's cool with mint flavor It hurts! Goodie Goodie shaving lotion is a foamy It can be used a tooth paste too They're taking us for a ride Now it's your turn Let me Gang of 4, you go ahead It's for you Gang of Four Now eat the curry If you don't eat, those uncles may get away Okay This viewer wants to find out
if Goodie Goodie curry is nice He wants you to try it What now? A friend? Curry Aren't you going to taste it? I will, for sure This is not curry, it's made of "frame-up" Ni-tou I mustn't hide it any more We've been taken for a ride Now do the artificial respiration for him Artificial respiration Mind his curry mouth I can't hold on. I must curst He can't breathe. Do artificial respiration on him I can't speak anything abusive now Ladies & gentlemen, under these circumstances Do artificial respiration or tell the truth? This choice really is a hard one We beg for advertising We ingratiate ourselves to offer
viewers one more choice only But we got in return shameless reprisals only Coffee adulterated with urine
and shaving lotion with acid And curry adulterated with an unknown substance Damn you, Mak! What? You suspect me only because
I won't do artificial respiration for you Or eat your curry? May, do I look like a spy No, but you're a spy In any case, we suspect you all the same I really am disappointed You suspect me? I haven't suspected you Who shall we suspect, if not you? Who? Me Come on, have a cup of tea to dilute the heat We didn't mean to, but you're most suspicious I won't argue with you. Let me go out to fresh up Frankly, you're all in the same boat Why wrankle over trivials? I hate being called a spy Because my grandpa was a traitor They suspect you but can
do nothing without proof Recently they secretly shot a videotape And deliberately told me where it was put So they'd blame me if it got lost Is it a secret? I'm not a busybody Where did they put it then? In the locker of a female dressing room I can't get into it, as it's an offence As you're all friends Don't get excited over it I'm going back to coax them
and they'll coax you in return By the way, why are you helping me? We're the same type The short type? Right, let me break you a secret Both your grandpa and mine were traitors I well understand their descendant's plight I'll give them a piece of my mind. Calm down Let me help you Put it down first Where are the lockers, please? Over there Shall I take off the turtle shell for you? No, I'm not yet off Carp reporting A turtle was found undersea
swimming to its target Go in Crazy, it's the female changing room I'd be the 1st one to go in if I could I'm the 2nd one Carp, can you see the turtle's appearance now? Not yet It really is him I was right. It's him Get hold of him! Get in and help Go in Yes So it's you. How disappointing! So it's you, Small Turtle You've been with Earth TV
for so long and you're spy You're doing an injustice to my dad What do you mean? Your dad's mean We get only $5 in bank check for the New Year What a shame for a man to
line up to collect $5 only What have we to gain after working
for years for Earth TV? Is that why you become a spy? You think these four guys really
are working for you? They're only trying to take advantage of you What did you say, Small Turtle They even want to swallow you What did you say? Let me break your shell Where's May? To fight with me? Finished Miss, the master has checked out hospital Dad The station ... Don't worry about the station Dad, it's bad to worry about this Better ™ close it down Miss, 4 obscene-looking men are here to see you Do they look obscene? Yes, they stared at me as if I was nude Show them in Not necessary We're already here What so you mean By taking you for nude? You must be using Great Sea bras, right? How do you know/ The poor cutting shows it Next time use triumph or Macole And remember not to buy pants from the market How do you know I did? The mark there shows it I only know you've got bad armpit odor Because I smelt you used Chicken
brand anti-perspirant How do you know? I quit May, why don't you ask us why we're here? Well, just come to the point We've come specially to apologize There's an ancient saying: Repentance is the best policy You're insincere The old people were all insincere In fact, we should say You're like honey to us In fact, you're okay What did you say?
Am I wrong? Not the proper wording Don't be too vulgar Don't be too hypocritical Goon They say a fair lady for a gentleman That's better I like your lithesome figure You're damned! Am I wrong? Forget it. In a word We're sorry to have got illusions about you But we didn't work here to take advantage of you A true man won't mix his career With love We want to put Earth TV on a footing To challenge Mars TV, and ourselves too That's all. We must be off Bye-bye We really must leave How can you prove your sincerity? Easy. Take off your clothing
and see how we react It's an idea, tho' not necessarily the best The danger is only nominal I'm gay. Let me help you You scum! Am I wrong? I'm now convinced you're sincere I've decided to go on Don't you agree, dad? Blood... I know, blood for blood We must strengthen Earth TV And make Mak pay with her blood Why aren't you bleeding in nose? Are you really gay? I have nasal congestion Miss Li, Boss Shih speaking How do you do? Good news, it's "flooding" Flooding? Where? My company My head office wants to promote
capitalism to march to the world They plan to spend $200 million on the project Our big boss will come to HK next week After seeing both TV stations,
they'll decide where to invest Could you show him some good programs? Sure, sure Work hard then. Good luck We'll do our best Film some pilots for him to see If he says ok, everything's ok OK We're rich! It could be a trial balloon only The mainland boss is financing us in a big way That calls for a celebration Let's have a treat A treat? But not necessarily an expensive feast Something cheap then.
Let's go to a cooked food stall A cooked food stall can't be good Come on What will you have? Got any BBQ geese? We've got anything here. Just order 80 you have confidence? Eating needs no confidence, it's not 1997 Fish head in soy sauce,
crabs with ginger and shallot Plain vegetables, regular soup, ok? What's regular soup? It's always nice. Why ask? It's going to be a pleasant surprise
OK OK Right away Hurry up, I'm hungry What do you say/ B, this table Chu, take one large beer to No. 3 table Business is good, must be ok Is it complicated? To what extent? Any inspiration from that? Are you asking me? I know nothing I must go and see the kitchen I must go to the BBQ meat stall I must go to the toilet ...
You stay to keep May company I meant to And I'll tell her what you're up to What on earth are they doing? Simple. To see what happens in the kitchen To see what happens in the BBQ meat stall The one going to the toilet passes water only Because I haven't eaten anything yet Have you got any inspiration? Plenty. I asked that chef How to attract customers To serve what they want is his simple answer Boiling frying Steaming, roasting Stewing, baking Pickling, decocting Braising and anything You must know All different kinds Of cooking So, diversification is the answer to out TV
station Right Just now I was much impressed by That BBQ meat stall chef's skills He showed me all his tools Thin, thick, circular knives Square, horse-head, BBQ duck knives Small square, sharp and ox-horn knives You could never imagine their number Then he told me the different types Of chopping such as mixed, yin-yang May blossom, combined, etc., etc. Straight knifing is divided into slicing, chopping And cutting is divided into push Pull, slant What inspiration have you got? It shows we must round up Different types of personnel What inspiration have you got from the toilet? I passed water only No inspiration? Don't ever go there Right What about you waiting to eat here only? Don't ever eat here any more Am I to stand up? I'm eating here The wind? I'm racking the brains You know that a TV station lacks? Don't tell me it lacks you See for yourself Morale, understand? An air of current was pushing on me when I got in It's morale Why didn't we think of it? In fact, all we need is ... Morale The TV station is a men-eating shark Shark A smart young man has no worries No worries Laugh ha-ha if you do well Laugh ha-ha You get a hell if you do it badly You get a hell Damn your dad Damn your dad Damn your mom Damn your mom Two slaps Two slaps Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Small Turtle, your reward for be being a spy Don't stick to me any more Mak, I never expected those four Would have been influenced by that girl They're not in that particular line They're now excellent in morale And you brought about it all If weren't so kind-hearted I'd have beaten you even harder Mak, please give me a chance Peanut oil tin Yes Take him to the canteen and
give him a bowl of tortoise jelly After eating, deliver the take-aways Yes Mak, give me a chance See if you four can counter
my recruiting campaign Come on Bye-bye How much do you get? 3,000.00 I'll pay you double. Get in now How much do you get?
3,000.00 I'll pay you double. Get in now How much do you get? 1,600.00 I'll pay you double. Get in now I'm a delivery boy. Am I OK? A smart young man has no worries No worries Laugh ha-ha if you do well Job-hopping gets no hell Gets no hell Damn your dad Damn your mon Liao Hsiung You look much more beautiful Physically or mentally Both Creep, go in and have some drink Mak Yes? Our contracts are ready Burn them out Why? We've now got all earth TV's men And all their videotapes They can't fight against us any more So all advertisers have to come to us We charge them any fees we like.
We need no contracts Oral agreements are OK Mak, you're superb Mak, we meet again Yes Let me introduce our Unit leader Chou Tung Nice to see you Come on, have a drink No, thanks We're in a hurry. Let's sign the contract We, too. See the program first Not necessary, we have confidence
in your programs Pay more after viewing then Didn't we fix the rate over the phone yesterday? Yesterday is yesterday Today's different Isn't my recital okay? Yes Help yourselves with the drinks After drinking, let's go in to watch TV We telecast Earth TV's
programs specially for you today To show you how bad they are So you can distinguish between gem and hay Catch Ladies 3 gentlemen, time for World News again Oil prices shot up sharply due to short supply Caused by Middle East tensions A joint statement made
by Amazon natives claimed It's the most opportune time to return to nature Please use firewood to replace oil from now on Now a free demonstration
of getting fire from wood We regret we couldn't film the scene Due to flooding at Amazon Chief's home As of today, we use Cross-Ocean mock fax dimensional
replay system To interview Rumania's drugstore boss Now hear his comment on oil crisis Sorry. No comment I sell balm. Not oil What effect if there's no vehicular traffic? I shall have to walk to Canton If I should return to the mainland What an idiot Thank you We now interview a Filipina Iraq, freedom, oil over gold,
kerosene over ginseng The world is all mad and in turmoil How an interview with China's delegate Li Chien You know better, you made the most trouble Would it affect oil prices? You know it, you know better Finger nail polish? You know it, you all know it I don't mean "base" I said, you know it, you all know it Well, that's all Don't interrupt my TV-viewing Weather Report again, ladies & gentlemen First, tomorrow's weather forecast for HK Don't be misled that there's rain tomorrow The Royal Observatory did forecast rain But our experience tells us The reverse would be the case So our own exclusive forecast is for fine And sunny days Switch to Earth TV If you want the real Weather Report Now weather in other parts of the world First, California, USA Miss California, please Her mini skirt shows hurricane in California Don't worry if you wear trousers Now weather conditions in Swatow Miss. Swatow, please Damn! Rains daily in the country Flooding in the field,
chicken coops and manure pits All my chickens all got drowned Heaven is unfair I cry to mom and dad, everything's lost If you go to Swatow You've to wade in water to buy food Now look at Japan's weather conditions Miss Kyushu, please Morning Finally, the weather conditions in Africa Miss Africa, please It really is too hot Everybody laps up the sunshine,
taking off everything Come on, don't be shy! What's so funny? It's funny Luckily your leader doesn't laugh I feel funny too But I've not been used to laughing over there I have a replacement Spring at hand, money in hand Mars TV doesn't look like a star.
Earth takes the lead Let's go to see Earth TV What now? Damn you! Ladies & gentlemen, please applaud in a minute When I tell you to, okay? Please do us a favour Great A strong reaction to News & Weather Report
Just now Yes, real great Don't ever be complacent What about being proud? No, we must be modest Finish this quiz show and it's OK Right Any prizes for the quiz show? A golden mile in Central, understand? Are you serious? Really no prize! No? What if the viewers should rampage? Crazy, they won't, they're our friends Uncle Would you get mad at me If you got no prizes? No, all I want is to appear on TV You're cute This way, please This is Goodie Goodie Consortium's boss Chou They've come specially to watch our live show Many advertisers are coming too Your Weather Report is OK And your Miss. Swatow is cute The feeling is mutual Please go over and watch Thank you, thank you very much Welcome to Earth TV's most exciting Electrifying game quiz show All socialites appear in this program Today's guest is ... Me Don't touch me Come on, pan the camera on me What's wrong? Aren't a notable? Can't I appear in your quiz show? I've come specially to blow the lid Off your so-called game show with prizes So no prizes are offered. It's kicking Mak, I can sue you for libeling You'll get at the truth right away If I win and you can't give me That golden mile in Central You'll face the music Quiet now? Let's start then This show is between two persons Don't have a small fry play with me Well, you, Executive Controller Me? Are you afraid? May, don't worry. I compiled the questions Don't worry Give up if you're afraid Let's start The game begins It's simple. I ask the questions The other side scrambles to answer The guest answering wrongly
gets electrified once When anyone can't stand any more,
the game's over The voltages are 5w, 10w up to 100w
for the preliminary contest You may start Wait, wait You compiled the question and know the answer Now let's have a fair game Let me ask the question and you answer,
and the other way round Anyone answering wrongly will be electrified Scum! You first, Sw What's my name? May Li Wrong The answer should be "I'm Mak" I asked you to tell my name She asked for it How dare you? My turn to ask you What is odd I plus 1? Two Wrong, not the number You should answer "even" Now 100w It would be nice if all
your imitations should come out May can't go on Let me help you What a nut! Your 1.Q. is nil Yes, but I'm not afraid I was an electrician. I'm used to it Go then Come to my rescue if
the voltage comes up to 6,400w None can stand it. Everybody dies of it It won't come up to that for some time Let's go together No, I can't go out Go and bring her back Give up if you can't hold on Then you lose and I'll get a prize Where's the prize? Any prize? Mak, you passed the 1st round Now, the 2nd round If you pass it, you'll get a big prize What? Isn't the game over? Anyone else wanting to try? She's finished, but I'm not Come on Now the 2nd part of our game The voltage is based on geometric progression 100, 200, 400, 800 1600, 3200, 6400 The one getting electrified Gets 5 seconds to get defused here The defused electric utensils are all here As it could be fatal The Supt of Medical College Owners of funeral Homes and
Crematories are here to judge And the Chief and 7-time
winner of Electrification too Well, let's start now Begin Who'll ask the question first? You do it Listen You've already asked the question And I've already answered you The answer's right My turn A 800w quiz Which animal is man's worst opponent? Which animal? Cockroach A cockroach is not an animal. It's an insect Man's worst opponent animal is ... A zebra Zebra? If you can't fight, you must "zebra" (get help) That's too far-fetched 800w. hell! Hell to you. Give up if you're smart You're lucky Ratty, give up if you can't go on 800w can't be that strong So it's 1,200w Sorry, our mistake. I owe you 400w My turn to ask you You owe me 400w on a 1,600w question Now it's a question of 2,000w You'll suffer it anyway What day of the week follows Monday? Follows Monday? Come on You're crafty. Fatty It's easy, you can answer it for sure Follows Monday
Answer Time's up You can't answer You can't I didn't say there's any time limit It's Tuesday, bitch! You're conspiring against me Damn fatty! Not enough You'll see in a minute, fatty Is she still alive? Getting cold feet? Fatty, I'm not afraid You put 3,000w for 2,000w I can owe you all the same Damn you fatty! This question is 3200w +1,000w=4,200w Another question Of all balls in the world which can Make people laugh readily? Don't film my skirt You can't answer. Time's up Ping pong ball
Wrong Billiard
Wrong Pineapple slope
Wrong Pineapple bun
Wrong Knee-cap
Wrong Maradona's shooting
Wrong Wrong... What ball then? The late Leung Sing-ball Go now Give up if you can't hold on He can't hold on Go up! Go up! Go up! Stop him. Tell them to stop Can we call off the program? If we do, the TV station well close Go up! I'd rather lose a TV station than a friend May, are you mad? No way Come on, uncle! Superb! Uncle's tops! Finish her off! Any brain damage, fatty? Give up. You tremble only I'm trembling for you, Mak Trembling for me? It's now 6,400w. You're finished No one can ever stand that You can never stand it from your looks Fatty, forgot to tell you I'm the Champion of the 19th District's Quiz Show I'm dubbed the Perfect Fighter Mak, be ready Only you can answer this question Glad you know It's simple. In your capacity
as Mars TV Controller Have you stolen Earth TV's pilots Let the viewers down? Yes or no? Use your conscience Objection. This is not a question Objection overruled. Answer it Yes or no? Use your conscience No, I never did it My answer's correct. None of you knows it Have you got any proof? I myself am the proof I'm a spy bought by Mak I sold Earth TV's information I stole their program project
And secretly filmed a videotape of it I did all this at Mak's instigation She ordered me to do it So Mak's answer is wrong Small Tirtle Electrify her! She can't answer She's lost. Electrify her! Electrify her! Well, let her go. The truth's out May Electrify her! Shut up, all of you Have I lost? Is the game over? Can your 6,400w scare me off? If you can't electrify me to death, you'll die I can prove your station offers no prize And you're finished Fatty, electrify me, come on! You can't scare me. Come on! Come on, or I'll press the button myself She can't hold on Switch if off. It's out or order! Come out and help Come out quick Defuse it Defuse it Let me help you Hold me down quickly Don't get me involved Are you all right? Go and help her She seems to have fainted.
Give her artificial respirsation What? Guess Damn you! 15,20 Damn you Stone, scissors, hammer
Keep away Hurry up Hurry up What an ordeal I can't stand her bad odor Wish it could be done again Very good I would yearn for it from you God Young men, you not only turn out good programs You're kind-hearted too I've decided to give you the $200 M. contract Keep up with the good work Splendid, really splendid! I never expected such a result You can never tell I want to talk to you Come on No more You can't judge a man by appearance Cheers! Cheers! I'm getting hot. I must go up for a bath Stop dreaming! Body-cleansing foam? I forgot the contact lens Forget it They deserve credit for
what they did to the TV station Good So strong your nosebleeds
