- And that's when I learned
you never tell a guy in a Tapout shirt to calm down. He was winding up to punch me. I was just waiting for him to punch me and break all of my bones. I'm Zach Holmes and I'm
in "Jackass Forever". It's in theaters soon. And this is a story about how
I got drugged on mushrooms. I was going to this party at
my friend's house in Indiana. It was the middle of winter. Really cold out. It was pretty much a blizzard. This random guy comes up to me. "Hey, would you like a
free eighth of mushrooms?" "Fuck yeah, I'd like a
free eighth of mushrooms! That sounds awesome!" I take it. He takes an eighth, too. I'm just laughing way more. I'm seeing some tracers. I'm having a great time,
mushrooms are kicking in. Couple minutes later after they kicked in, same guy comes up to me again. "Hey, would you like a
free eighth of mushrooms?" I was like, "Holy shit.
Didn't this just happen?" He just hands me the eighth of mushrooms and I just take 'em. I'm seeing a lot more tracers now 'cause I'm on two eighths of mushrooms. Every time I look each way, everyone that I saw over
here is over there now. And then, this guy comes up to me again. He's like, "Hey, would you like
a free eighth of mushrooms?" This is the third time
he's asked me if I wanted a free eighth of mushrooms. This was some weird psychedelic version of "Groundhog's Day". Because of the person I was
at that time, I just took 'em. And now, when these kick in,
I'm really tripping balls now. The tracers are insane. All the colors are morphing together. And everything is just fucking awesome. I'm having a great time. I decide to wander into the kitchen and the mushroom dealer's there. And he's like, "Dude, we gotta
take a picture together." "Hell yeah, dude. Let's do it." And he takes his phone out and he's like, "Ask this girl," that
was standing next to us, "to take the picture." And she's like, "Okay,
I'll take the picture." And then she's like, "I don't
know how to use your phone." And he's like, "What? You
don't know how to use a phone?" Outta nowhere, I just see
this purple massive energy just come into the kitchen. It was actually this buff
dude in a purple Tapout shirt. And he's like, "Did you just
call my girlfriend stupid 'cause she doesn't know
how to use a phone? She's not stupid! She's smart!" And I'm like, "No! No one said anything about her being stupid
or smart or anything. Everyone just needs to
calm down right now." And that's when I learned
you never tell a guy in a Tapout shirt to calm down. He got so mad that I
told him to calm down, he was winding up to punch me. Oh my God, I was anticipating it. I was just waiting for him to punch me and break all of my bones. I guess people were yelling at him or something not to hit me, and he ended up just punching a fish tank that was next to me instead. It sounded like a million wind chimes, all the glass breaking. All the water from the
fish tank's coming out like a waterfall and I can just hear this giant waterfall. And then all the fish from
the fish tank are coming out of the fish tank onto the floor. I make eye contact with one of the fish and I coulda swore he was like, "Why did you do this?" It was the most scary
thing I've ever seen. I come back to reality. Everyone's just yelling at me, telling me that I have to leave because I caused this huge scene. Which I don't know why they
didn't kick out the Tapout guy, but whatever. I get kicked out into this blizzard and it's so fucking cold out. So I'm like, "Dude, I gotta call someone or get someone to pick me up." I pull out my phone. I have no clue how to use it at all. It is just like alien technology to me. So I was like, "The
only thing I can do is, my friend's having a party
on the other side of town. Walk all the way over there." So, I start walking, and all
the snow is turning purple and blue and all these different colors. It just made it seem like I was in Hoth, the "Star Wars" planet. It was so crazy.
(Zach laughs) Finally, I get to this guy's house, and it's like your
stereotypical blacklight, neon light, teenager basement scenario. This guy, he's like, "Hey,
do you want some liquid X?" And me, I was like, "Yeah,
sure! I'd love ecstasy!" I took a drink of this vial of liquid. Everyone started changing
colors a little bit more. And then everything started to get blurry, and then everything just went black. And that's the last thing I
remember being at that house. Okay, kids. Learn from my dumb ass. If someone says they have liquid X, it is not liquid ecstasy. It is GHB, aka roofies. Next thing I know, I wake up, I'm still tripping balls, and I'm just starting to see everything. I'm in a taxi. The meter says it's $400 and
the meter's still running, so I have no clue where
I have been all night. I look over to the left of me and the door of the taxi's open, and there's two figures yelling at me. At first, I thought they were cowboys 'cause they're wearing these weird hats, but they were actually sheriffs. And they're like, "What were
you on? What are you on?" The taxi lady's like, "No!
I'm gonna drive him home if he can pay for this." And I was like, "Yes, I can pay for it!" She ended up convincing them to leave. She's like, "Are you gonna
be able to pay for this?" And I'm like, "Yeah, you're
gonna have to take me to my bank." And I go to reach in my pockets. I don't have my wallet,
I don't have my phone, so I don't have my ID, I
don't have my debit card, I have nothing. I'm so scared about coming
into this bank right now 'cause I'm still tripping balls. So I go in and nobody that
I know is working in there. I live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone and it's a bunch of people
that I don't know today. I told them my story for 30 minutes and everyone was just
afraid of me being there. This person that I knew from high school, that was two years above me, came in and she was like,
"Oh, I know who he is." She was convincing them
to give me my money and they just let me go. I give it to the taxi driver. I'm like, "Here you go." I tipped her some Xanax
and then she drove me home. That was my fucking story on shrooms. (man laughs in background)
