You're Lovely, You're Loveable and You're Loved | Bob Carley | TEDxGalway

yeah I'm Robert Carly and I'm going to talk about mental health what you're going to talk with me so we're going to find out what kind of people are here so I'm going to start with psycho symmetric testing you okay with that once you tell me are you a red square or a green triangle or a lovely yellow circle okay hands up the red squares yeah hands up the green triangles and the lovely yellow circles excellent red squares leaders you were here at two o'clock get in everyone get in you get your ticket get in get in they haven't started they're late they're laser light green triangles when does it break we'd all have coffee I'll buy eight doughnuts group hug everyone yellow circles obsessed with sex and drink you can't wait for the after party this is it you're only here for that so listen it's great to be here and just going to share some thoughts and ideas worth spreading I have an idea worth spreading it's love never fails love never fails James Joyce in the book Dubliner it's a great story called a painful case talked about a man called mr. Duffy and he said mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body and I think if you read the story you'll see he was full of anxieties full of worries full of doubts maybe mr. Duffy had what we call mental health issues but mental health is so stigmatized we won't even talk about it they say that there's a 1 in 4 chance that you'll have a mental health issue when I say that people on 1 2 3 4 they're screwed 1 2 3 it's my seat move here's the good news it's 4 & 4 we all have mental health we all have an issue we have to look after it's not right it's all our issues but we going a posh we say things like I'm suffering with a bit of stress little bit at odds and maybe what made it stigmatized is the way we were educated in school when I was in school someone came to my school to teach me about dental health they gave me three tips they said avoid sugar brush regularly and visit the dentist and you'll have good teeth I showed you three things they taught me on mental health in school not nothing and nothing in fact when I left these are my notes on mental health maintenance blank and I only learned took after a let's go after that school and I learned it through experience I learned it through when I was 21 I went through serious panic attacks I didn't even know what they were on a 35 I went through black depression for about nine months I just couldn't lift my head I didn't know what it was and later on a life I went through a serious sad patch I had no mental health tips stabbed me through unfortunately on my journey I met people who shared the one idea the one thing to help me here's the three best that I've learned the first one is kind of this I think thing called a Health continuum those days were more well and days when it's crap days when everything goes right and days when everything's going wrong or problem is we want to go from the bad days to the great days in one jump it's one step at a time it's a small thing that's why I took part in the government campaign the little things it's the cup of tea it's meeting the friend it's having a chat it's reading good books is going good places it's the odd kiss the odd hug with someone who wants you to kiss and hold them obviously because you got to help their mental health as well that's what it is it's simple raindrops and Roses whiskers and kittens these are a few of my favorite when do I do them when the dog bites when the bee stings when I'm feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things and then mental health maintenance second thing if I've learned to control my thoughts take captive my thoughts because I've learned that my thoughts become my mood my mood becomes my word my actions and that becomes my results starts my thoughts it starts with a thought you know you're sixty five thousand thoughts a day if you're Irish most of them are negative how are you feeling grand here got married I did has gone grand or Irish people if you say my leg fell off what do they say I'll give you a better one I don't want a better one mine ones good my sad story so we fight against her thoughts all the time what if we started replacing a negative thought with a positive thought would have an effect here's the thing what's the way your head works close your eyes and think of the happiest day of your life you got it enjoy it remember feel it's just a talk but a major vehicle didn't it so we can learn to take captive her thoughts that's a great thing and the next thing I learned which is a fantastic tip for mental health maintenance is that love never fails I'll show you where I got that a man called Paul wrote a letter to a church in a place called Corinthians and everyone reads it at their wedding let his patient love is kind love is not puffed up I love you You Love Me we love each other we'll never split up and we can you imagine a priest to knit that way yes and the reading now is let his peace until of his carriage never done okay love never fails ever ever ever here's a love story for short word Rob Hardy lived a short distance from his own body - when I was young I was a part of a motorbike gang we REM we were a sons of apathy that's who we were and I I lived a fantastic mom and dad there were really good great parents they spoiled me rotten they looked after me and for a job I was the sheriff of Griffith barracks and was on the beach and when I was young there was a thing called gravel I don't know you are look for young I don't know if you remember this but was think I'll gravel and when you ran you fell you skidded you're it Shh and you went home to your mother with that cry another cry where nothing comes out come on son and eventually Wow and then your mother would come to me come to me come to me she'd wash it and she'd put iodine on a mother of God Shh you got loads of love off your mom and I was clever I could get it off me dad too but I had to keep the cry gone until five o'clock and clearly you can't cry for four hours so you have to do this thing called the sob did you ever use a sob you can even talk having this up I'm just going on search tips so I my dad will come home good and he said what happening my dad was a big fat soldier I need to open his army jacket the brass buttons down the front of the jacket and he put one of my little seven-year-old arms in that tonight morning that side and he buttoned up the jacket and the smell of turf cigarette smoke and sweat and my dad's aftershave and it was just heaven and he go don't be crying son you're lovely you're lovable and your loft man there's a space I've never fails ever so then dad got transferred to Cork would you believe we lived in Dublin Madonna's on Uwe from Cork here but if you're from Dublin and you moved to Cork we speak different languages right so come here where you're from bye come over here well I say until men were taught to walk by pigeons what call me ah so we were there for five years and happened to be the time when I became a teenager and I got you know teenager things you get anxiety you get spots you get long hair you get greasy you get hair is popping out of places you didn't even know you had places you oh what's that you get all sorts of weird feedings all sorts of strange feelings which I still get and all sort of those things you go through this thing called puberty and it's horrible suddenly got really anxious now add to that my mother who is a bargain hunter hands up if you have a mother that's a bargain hunter you know the things when everyone else is wearing Wranglers your mother goes to town and goes I got you a pair of wine coolers they were only three pounds you want to get killed and I got your adidas runners and a roller jumper ma'am and then to cover it all up thanks be to God she bought you the anorak that you would grow into did you ever have one of them so for four years you're in school like a vacuum cleaner then dad gets transferred back to Dublin I now have a car accident they decide to send us to a North Dublin comprehensive school you do not want a cork accent in a North Dublin comprehensive school I end up in the class where my classmates names were dogged on our fine scholar and a bloke called Naylor we didn't even do woodwork he just had a hammer in his bags so there's me pretending I can't speak because they surely can't know I have a cork accent right son mm-hmm hey are you where are you from nowhere particular so I'm doing okay I'm keeping the head down I'm full of anxiety to make it worse I was wearing the big anorak the Wangler is right and I'm sitting on the step eating soup from my lunch every day which my loving mother gave me in the big flask you know the tartan ones short of putting a target on my head and writin please kick my son to death this was my mother's gift of love one day I'm drinking me soup and a bloke comes up to me goes yeah you Jane Monaghan fancies you now Jean Mallon was the best-looking girl in our school oh my lord god she was amazing and everyone wanted to go out with Jean Malan except me cuz I thought if I say does she really fancy me there girl now she doesn't jeah Phil why would she fancy you so on the spot I made up a girlfriend I said I can't I'm gonna out with a girl called Suzanne where does she live till this day I don't know I went Bristol so for the next two years I had to make up stories about things me and Suzanne did in Bristol now for the young people this was pre-internet right so I had to go to the library research Bristol and all I could find was they have two football teams on the cathedral so her dates consisted we went to the match and then we went to Mass I was like but the real problem was I'd never had a girlfriend so every week they go hey off g-man hunt Frances you wants to know when you go way over and I'm gone I can't cuz I didn't know how to kiss and then all my anxieties came in and I call God am I gonna make this work so then I did what we all do I practiced on my arm don't judge me you did it too right so that relationship went well for about a year then I graduated to the bathroom mirror Oh big days till I heard my dad go Fleury come in here I think we have snails in the bathroom so I have to break it off with the mirror for a short time we can't keep seeing each other so so on the 25th of September 1978 at half four in the prefix room among tempo comprehensive school on the malahide Road I kissed gene Monahan for an hour and a half because love never fails and we fell in love when we went through the whole teenage love thing we'd have fantastic on when were 23m my Auster to marry me and she did oh I wasn't that bad make a note like a pig eating on my own sauce so she married me and then we heard an incredible Fanny and fight kids Jonathan Joanna Deborah James and Timothy or if you want them in quick Johnny Joey Debbie Jimmy Timmy come in Anna we we had an amazing an amazing relationship we did amazing relationship and then I went through depression and everyday Jean had say to me come on rob tomorrow could be better and she encouraged me she said come on let's do something that makes you feel better and she encouraged me and she said let's change the way you're thinking and she encouraged me because when you're down and you've no hope sometimes you need someone to show you how but love never fails and then we went through relationship problems we ended up in counselling we enter about separation talks I don't know how it happened we stopped talking and on the day we were two separate I got a fitted giggles and it ended up with me asking her out for coffee and her gone is that a date and me saying it might be and you know what we put it back together again because love never fails and we traveled around Ireland telling people that this is our story this is what can happen don't ever give up there's always hope love never fails and we took that story to Africa to Uganda and I remember being in Africa with Jean in Uganda and she stopped with this little kid had had this two legs amputated and she said Rob we've got to do something we can't leave these people well some help what could we do and she went we could build a hospital no way we couldn't do that she said we could I said it'd cost a fortune take forever and she said we have forever I mean raised the money so love never fails no matter where here and we came home from Uganda that was in August and the next week in September 4:15 p.m. I got a phone call to say Rob can you get to James's hospital gene isn't well the next phone call said Rob was genes blood group the next phone call said can you bring your children with you Gene's really sick and when we got to James's hospital the lovely gene was on a life-support machine and there and we lost her and she passed away so the girl I met when I was 13 and I lost was 49 what do you do what do you do but you know what keeps you going love never fails know if depends doesn't depend on people doesn't depend on presence depends on passion it never fails ever ever so I started living the life of those things that I've learned on mental health campaigns and mental health workshops and I learned that I can make a difference to my own life I'm convinced that I made on purpose with purpose for purpose there's a jigsaw in life the only I fit and if I don't turn up no one else can fill that space does that make sense this is space for you you're in the jigsaw too if we don't turn up and do her bit who as well our love can't fail so people came into my life to do things to encourage me my kids were fantastic they didn't let me go and people held me and hugged me and told me that I was lovely loveable unloved because love never fails and one day I'm in church this girl was sharing her grief with me and then we were talking so why don't we start something for senior citizens don't always she told me this okay so she wants to start a club called just older youth so we had meetings and they made another meeting another meeting about ten meetings later then I start going I'm wearing aftershave to these meetings and then I stand I'm dressing up for these meetings and then I realized I'm actually falling for the second person in my life so I said to her real chirchi a citizen we better bring someone else these meetings unless she said why I said cuz my motives aren't pure she said don't bring any cuz mine definitely aren't so so so we fell in love and I'm not one for hanging around so on her third date I asked her if I asked you to marry me would you and she went I might know I took that as a yes okay so so it worked on it and we did get married and we did have a fantastic day and she is an incredible woman in my life who has made a huge difference to my life and you know what she teaches me she teaches me that love never fails love never ever fails and together she helped me and all the children we all raise money and we went to Uganda we found a site and we raised enough funds to put down the foundations then we raised enough funds to put up the walls and put on the roof and last week I was in Uganda and I signed off a snag list for the Jean Carly Memorial Hospital in Kumi in Uganda it's a 28 bed Children's Hospital and I'll tell you why I'm happy to do that because for me it says in more ways than I could ever say love never fails ever ever fails you are all lovely loveable and loved doesn't matter if I tell you you got to come to the space where I came where you realize that I am lovely loveable and loved can I ask you to do one thing for me will you do that for me turn to the person beside you and just say love never fails and turn to the person on the other side and tell them as well Arn are you ready and we will all say together love never fails thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 179,621

Rating: 4.9209228 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Ireland, Health, Achievement, Bullying, Championship, Change, Compassion, Development, Emotions, Empathy, Failure, Faith, Family, Friendship, Goal-setting, Happiness, Hardship, Hope, Mental health, Personal education, Personal growth, Recovery, Self, Self improvement, Self-help, Struggle, Tragedy

Id: sWA7QWehxhA

Length: 18min 37sec (1117 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 16 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/saffer001]

Trigger warning? Really?

[u/against_nature]

This video couldn't be more offensive to FAs if it was intentionally made that way.